May I say, here we go again, taking a chance on love. Here we go again, taking a chance on Zen. What I mean by love is Zen. What I mean by Zen is love. Just so you know. Can you hear me, Linda? You're welcome to come and sit up here if you like. Really. Really, really, really. Yeah. And you're welcome to sit. It would be very nice if she came up here. Yeah. I feel accompanied. Elena would like you to come up here and keep her company. So... sort of the title of this meditation course, Sitting in the Center of the Flames.

[01:13]

Maybe a lot of people here can kind of say, yes, that's what's happening, right? Maybe a lot of you can feel a lot of flames around you. Is that right? maybe a lot of cries of suffering and joy, of delight, sorrow, all that's around you. So the proposal is Buddhas sit in the middle of all that, all of it. So kind of it's a coincidence that we could sit in the same place as all the Buddhas. So the proposal is all the Buddhas are sitting at the center of all the suffering. None of them are sitting sort of off-center in the middle of some of the suffering. They're sitting in the middle of all of it, and we are too.

[02:27]

So it's kind of like we can live the life of Buddha if we can live the life of sitting where we are. That's a possibility that we could join in the practice of the Buddhas. And they sit there and they listen to all those Does that make sense to you that the Buddhas would be listening to all of them? Does it make sense that they would have the capacity to listen to all of them without excluding any? That they have developed to a point where they listen to everybody? And also it might not be... Anyway, you might be able to open to the idea that Buddhas are listening to everybody wholeheartedly.

[03:49]

That they really wholeheartedly listen. And then the next turning of the teaching is that when you wholeheartedly listen to a particular cry, to a particular person, self, when you wholeheartedly listen to your own cries, there will be a vision that that cry is ultimate truth. And ultimate truth is that cry. And in that vision, suffering is relieved.

[05:03]

liberation is realized when we understand that suffering is ultimate truth, and ultimate truth is suffering. Joy is also ultimate truth. Ease is also emptiness. And seeing the vision that ease is emptiness and dis-ease is emptiness. In that vision, liberation is functional. Peace is living there. So we have the Heart Sutra, which starts out, Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva, which could be translated into English as listening to the cries of the world, enlightenment being, or being enlightenment through listening to the cries of the world,

[06:21]

That's a name of an enlightening being which is also a name that describes the practice. The enlightening way of being is to listen to the cries of the world. And when you become, when your being or when being is listening to the cries of the world, it practices deeply the perfection of wisdom. When our being becomes listening to the Christ, that being practices transcendent wisdom, and that being sees that all the elements of existence are emptiness, and this vision is freedom from suffering. Is there another word for suffering as truth?

[07:35]

Pardon? Is there any other word for suffering as truth? Suffering as truth? Yes, is there any other word? Misery is ultimate truth. Confusion is ultimate truth. Pain is ultimate truth. Pleasure is ultimate truth. Fear is ultimate truth. Everything that's going, every particle of activity of your mind, each one is emptiness. And you can see that when you fully We can see that when we fully listen to it or wholeheartedly contemplate fear, confusion, greed, hatred, delusion, pain, pleasure, anything that you're aware of, any object of experience, when you wholeheartedly

[08:58]

embrace it, you realize what it really is. It takes off its mask and reveals the liberating truth. So that's the basic story. And we can talk about that. We can talk about it. We have an opportunity to listen to ourselves talk. And if we can listen to ourselves talk about it wholeheartedly we will realize that our talk is ultimate truth. If anybody could listen to me they would hear what they hear they would understand is ultimate truth. So we gather together to help each other listen wholeheartedly in the middle at the center. We gather together to help ourselves observe all beings with eyes of compassion.

[10:07]

And that means all other beings, and that means what's going on in your own body and mind. Yes, Jeff. I'm sort of following, I think, what you're saying up to the point where you say that they're all emptiness. Yeah. It seems to me there's kind of a jump. Maybe I'm not understanding which emptiness. I could see all these things. You could say it's a jump. Mm-hmm. being in separate, ostensibly separate organisms, etc., all experiencing these emotions, and that they're all part of everything, and that is getting to emptiness. It's not logically fitting for me. Maybe that's not... You're having trouble getting to emptiness, and what I'm saying to you is that

[11:11]

if you would be able to listen or clearly observe any object of experience, you will have no trouble getting to emptiness. If you're having trouble getting to emptiness, which you say you are, if you wholeheartedly observe the trouble you're having getting to emptiness, you will spontaneously get to emptiness. If you try to figure out emptiness, the attempt to figure out emptiness is another thing for you to observe with compassion. If you see yourself trying to get to emptiness, that activity of trying to get to emptiness is emptiness.

[12:17]

But if you see that our attempt to get someplace like ultimate truth, we can't see that that's actually ultimate truth already unless we're completely compassionate to the attempt to get someplace. And we are, most of us, really into getting or getting something. That's one of our main, that's sort of the core of our anxiety, is to get someplace, is to accomplish something. That's one of the most common cries of the world. I have to get somewhere. I have to do something. I have to do something good in this world. I have to help people. What I'm saying is Buddhas are listening to that. You name it, they're listening. And so you've just, you're having trouble getting to emptiness or getting how that could be emptiness.

[13:28]

That, yeah, and that is a phenomenal, that's something you're aware of. And you've told me, so now I'm aware of it. Both have a chance to listen to this trouble that you're having. The trouble you're having getting to emptiness is emptiness. You will realize that when you are totally... But if you're working with the trouble to try to, I don't know what, do something with it and forget to listen to it, you miss the revelation, which is right there. How's it going now? Same. Same. What did you say? You said same. Yeah.

[14:30]

Well, that's great. So you got that one. Take care of that one. And let's see if you can wholeheartedly have that problem. Have that problem wholeheartedly. or if I can't have my problem wholeheartedly, if I can't have my problems wholeheartedly, if I can't have my problems wholeheartedly, how many times should I say that? Is that enough? Did you get it? If I can't have my problems wholeheartedly, then guess what? Any guesses? What? That's right. That's right. That's emptiness. My inability to do what? No, don't paraphrase. If I can't wholeheartedly have my problems, that's emptiness. My inability to wholeheartedly have problems is emptiness.

[15:35]

Before we get to this emptiness, what's it like to not wholeheartedly have a problem? How am I when I don't wholeheartedly have a problem? What? I have a problem. I'm stuck in my problem. When I'm not wholeheartedly embracing my problems, then I'm stuck in them. I'm sunk down in them. If I'm resisting my problems, I'm enslaved by my problems. No, I'm not enslaved by my problems. I'm enslaved by my resistance. My resistance to my problems enslaves me. My resistance makes me a slave to my problems. When I wholeheartedly have my problems, I'm not a slave anymore. I'm not a master of my problems. Wholeheartedly being a jerk, you're a master of jerkness. If you're facing something

[16:38]

...that comes up in you, and it is hell. Hell! It is so unbearable. Unbearable. You embrace it wholeheartedly. How do you embrace it wholeheartedly? Yeah. Yeah, that's a good question. When it's unbearable, I... ...unbearable. On a good day, I say, how can I embrace the unbearable? I say that to myself. How can I embrace the unbearable? This is like getting into it. How can I embrace the intolerable? How can I embrace the intolerable? There's the intolerable and there's the intolerant. How can I embrace them? That's a good question. Well, that's what we're here for, is to talk about, have a conversation. Sitting in the middle of all the suffering of the world, listening to it and working towards listening to it wholeheartedly, which, by the way, will be freedom with it.

[17:54]

Once again, when you listen to the cries wholeheartedly, that opens the doors. How can we listen wholeheartedly? By having conversations with each other with these things that we're resisting. Or having conversations with each other with these things that we're trying to be wholehearted about. We can help each other be wholehearted. Matter of fact, we are helping each other be wholehearted about our suffering and about the suffering of others. You're helping me be wholehearted about what I feel is intolerable. I'm helping you be wholehearted with what you find intolerable. I cannot do it by myself. You're helping me.

[18:56]

You cannot do it by yourself. We're helping you. Again, sitting in the middle. Everything around us is helping us sit in the middle. And we're helping everything around us sit in the middle. Is it okay to open that door? Everybody in this section okay with the door being opened? It's even okay if you don't come back. But please do. Please come back after you open that door. And would somebody, would you close that door at the end? Christiane? That's a nice breeze. Thank you. I was thinking about how, you know,

[19:59]

developing coping mechanisms for dealing with their problems. And I'm feeling like wholeheartedly embracing those problems might be different from developing coping mechanisms to be able to deal with their problems. And particularly, I'm thinking of friends who've had serious illnesses. And one friend in particular who talked about, she would say things like, I feel like denial is really underrated because it helps her to feel like free for a while. And so I'm trying to, what I'm hearing is like, I'll brace it and be in the middle of it. And then I think, yeah, I don't feel like I have that scale of problems to be able to really test. What is it like when you really, your life is devastated by something?

[21:05]

How do you deal with that? Well, right now, you are sitting in the middle of all devastation right now. So... One particular one that's already included? Fine. But before we get into that, I'd just like to say that your friend said denial is underrated. If denial is wholeheartedly listened to, if denial is wholeheartedly listened to, that's as good a thing to be enlightened with as, for example, affirmation. So underrating denial is kind of like wholeheartedly embracing it. Maybe your friend got a little bit of wholeheartedness with her denial.

[22:09]

And if you wholeheartedly deny you will realize freedom from whatever, from whatever, including the denial. If you are denying and you're half-hearted about it, then you're stuck in denying. If you underestimate it or overestimate it, that's okay, but you've got to do more than that. Coping methods, are they part of wholeheartedness? Barbara Jones says yes. Charlie says yes. I would say the coping mechanism might be another thing to be wholehearted about. It's not that the coping mechanism, it's not that the denial or the affirmation is the practice.

[23:13]

It's being wholehearted about if you're in denial, it's being wholehearted about that. You've got the coping mechanism, it's being wholehearted about that. It's the wholeheartedness about the thing that is the practice. Not the thing. The practice doesn't depend on denial or affirmation or coping mechanisms or . Whatever you've got, that's what you've got. That's your assignment. That's your responsibility. I kind of lose track of what wholehearted means after a while. Yeah. Part of the practice ...involves losing track of wholeheartedness quite a bit. Because the word wholeheartedness is not wholeheartedness. So then what are you going to do?

[24:16]

Are you going to be wholeheartedness if wholeheartedness isn't wholeheartedness? Well, maybe part of it will be you lose track of what it is. Well, then that's what you've got to work on, is that you just lost track of the main point. Do you want to talk? Yes, go ahead. Is the ceremony of Zazen a coping mechanism? Is it? If you want to use it as a coping mechanism, go right ahead. Is this a coping mechanism? You say yes. What do you say? Could be. Could be. You can make this into a coping mechanism. You can do what? You can go pa. You can go pa.

[25:18]

It's also a way. You can go pa. What else can you do with this? Huh? What do you usually do with this? Huh? What do you usually do? What do I usually do with this? Huh? I cope with this bell. This has got a bell there. A bell! I know how to deal with you. I could use this as a way of coping with this bell. I could use this as a way of coping with Charlie. I could use this as a way of coping with Linda. It could be used that way. Nothing cannot be used as a coping mechanism. You can use wealth as a coping mechanism, you can use poverty as a coping mechanism. And many spiritual practitioners do use wealth as a coping mechanism, poverty as a coping mechanism.

[26:22]

You can do that. It's allowed. It's okay. Whatever. That's what you've got to work with. Yes? Yes? I think so. Did you see what does it look like? Did somebody else say what does it look like before? I heard that once before. What is it? Huh? Yeah. It doesn't look like anything. Well, you're telling us to do it. I'm not exactly telling you to do it. I'm just saying if you would do it, you would be doing what a Buddha does. That's what Buddhas do. They wholeheartedly X. And when you're doing X, To do anything other than X, to be a Buddha, you just have to do it completely.

[27:28]

And it doesn't look like anything. What does it look like? It looks exactly like X, except completely. Not completely. It is X completely. And when X is X completely, it is not X. And that is where the Buddha's work turns. Suffering is not suffering. Freedom is not freedom. And wholeheartedness is not wholeheartedness. If you find wholeheartedness, great! Now you have that to be wholehearted about. And if you're wholehearted about wholeheartedness, then that wholeheartedness will be realized and ultimate truth is wholeheartedness is not wholeheartedness. But it doesn't look different when you embrace something completely.

[28:30]

It doesn't look like something. Wholeheartedness doesn't look like something. It is something completely. Do you want to help me call on him? Well, I have to put my hand up. If I'm not going to call on him, I'll call on you. Yes, Bill? Say again? No. Completely embracing complete enslavement is complete liberation. Yes. But many people have trouble even embracing wholeheartedly a little bit of enslavement or even a slight inconvenience. In some ways, you know, we have quite a few stories about people who are completely enslaved and they, they kind of go, oh, I get it.

[29:32]

This is not, I'm completely, this is not something to resist. I'm completely done. And then they realize they're free. I, I, um, This story's probably too long to tell, but I'll tell it quickly. When I was a little boy, there was a story about two Russian aristocrats who were drinking, as they often did, vodka. And one of them said, I bet you couldn't stay in my library for a year. I bet you couldn't stay there. I mean, I'll bring you food and a, what do you call it, a commode, and I bet you couldn't stay in that room for a year. And then the guy said, well, how much are you going to bet? He said, you know, a hundred million rupels or whatever would be a large amount even for a... It's about 40 bucks.

[30:39]

Huh? A lot of money. So the guy went in there, into that room, and can you imagine that he had a little bit of difficulty staying in that room? That it was hard for him to actually stay in the room? Can you imagine that he almost went insane? He was having such a hard time, what? Being in the room. And I don't know if he sent him any vodka. I think maybe he didn't get any vodka. No vodka. Go in the room with no vodka. Like you just sort of, if you have enough vodka, you just go, I'm just going to be in a coma for a year, and then I can do that. Just IV vodka, see you in a year. Okay? But I don't think that's what he had. He went cold turkey in the room. There were some books, and one of them was about Zen. he could keep track of the time.

[31:44]

And his friend outside the room, who was not enslaved, was having an easier time. But he was also, you know, not embracing his life. So his life was falling apart. And as he approached, his friend was actually able to stay there like eleven months, eleven and a half months, and he realized he's going to make it, and if he makes it, I don't have the money to pay him. So he got a gun and he was going to go in and shoot his friend shortly before the deadline. His friend inside however, had finally made peace with his enslavement, with his imprisonment. And he was at peace. And he knew he could win the bet and collect the money. He didn't know his friend didn't have the money. He was sitting outside with a gun to kill him. He didn't know about that. He just thought, I'm not going to collect the money.

[32:47]

I'm going to go out. you know, ten minutes before the end, or one day before the end. And so he did walk out, and there was his friend with the gun. He said, you don't have to shoot me. I found peace in prison. We live in prison. Our consciousness is a prison. And we're living in that prison, and we're surrounded by all the suffering of other beings who are in prison. It's very difficult for us to wholeheartedly be enslaved in prison. The proposal is if we can wholeheartedly be in prison, we will be free, but not just us. Everybody else will be free with us. That's the more amazing thing to propose, is that we're sitting in the middle of everybody And our freedom is their freedom, and their freedom is our freedom.

[33:51]

If they're not free, we wouldn't be free. You have a little problem, too. We've got two people who have little problems. Or is your little? Huh? Yes, sir. What size is it? What? He's got at least medium. You've got a little one. Yeah, why? Why bring it up? Why bring it up? Tell me why bring it up. Yes, and what else? You're supposed to... So we can talk about it. That's why you bring it up. You bring it up so we can... Or you do. OK.

[34:52]

So tell me what I'm going to say and then ask your question. First. OK. That's what I'm going to say? You said something like, one of the most common cries in the world is activity, like feeling I have to do something. And I'm going like, what? If you have a bonus, you're not supposed to not do anything. You're not supposed to do something to all these crowds at all. And now, we're doing something to the crowds. So, I'm proud of you. Why don't you just be with your teacher then, Daisy? Why don't you just be with your teacher then? Why, I'm Tracy now, talking to myself. Why don't you just be wholeheartedly with your confusion, Tracy says to herself.

[35:58]

Yeah, why don't I wholeheartedly just be with my confusion? Oh, I know why I don't. she was... hardly with confusion, she was thinking for some reason for not doing it, and she found one. What's the reason? I've got to do something. So the problem is, sometimes we think we've got to do something before we have been where we are. So I got confusion and maybe I've heard some teachings like, maybe I should just wholeheartedly be confused. Why not? Oh, because I've got to do something. To do something, is another form of confusion, but let's not mention that right now.

[37:06]

I've got to do something is used kind of as an excuse to not do the hard thing. The hard thing is to be with the confusion. It's easy to say, it's easier than easy to say, I've got to do something. To do something. Or another one is, am I doing enough? These are, got a problem, And then you're just about to like engage it and become free of it. And just before you become free, I got to do it. And rather than fully embrace that, you stop fully embracing the other thing and then you don't embrace that either. The bodhisattva action is is big time action. It is working for the liberation of all beings. But you work for the liberation of all beings from here, not from, I got to do something to help people and think and get distracted from being here when you say that.

[38:17]

So even people heard about being here, they still have this cry, which is, I've got to do something. I'm not doing enough. Am I doing enough? What should I do next? What should I do now? What do I need to do? These are normal, high frequency occurrence cries. They can sound high frequency, but they happen very often during most people's day, those cries. And if you were to wholeheartedly embrace, I got to do something, then again, just as you're almost completely with, I got to do something, and almost free of the prison of, I got to do something, just before you settle and become willing to stay there for a year, not to win a bet, but to help your friends who are about to shoot you,

[39:21]

to show them how they can also accept their prison, which is, I've got to do something. This guy's going to come out of there, and I've got to pay him, and I won't be able to. I've got to do something. You don't have to do something. Or rather... It's not that you don't have to do something. You need to embrace, quotes, I've got to do something. And if you can embrace, I've got to do something, from that embrace comes this great action. I don't know what it will be, but it will be transmitting the practice of wholeheartedly being with, I've got to do something. And that will be a big action, which could sound like, would you please tell me what my answer is going to be? I asked her to tell me what my answer was going to be.

[40:26]

And she told me. I asked her, though, did that answer come from me willing to be here? I don't know. The actions that are... from wholeheartedly being where you are, are the actions of Buddha turning the wheel of the Dharma. I don't know what they will be. They could be Tracy saying, I know what you're going to say. They could be me saying, well, what am I going to say? You're not telling me what I'm going to say. It could be me saying, I'll try to say that, but I haven't said it yet, but now I'm going to say it. Just be with it. that could have been turning the wheel of the Dharma. But when you're turning the wheel of Dharma, you're not trying to figure out whether you're turning the wheel of Dharma. But if you are trying to figure out if you're turning the wheel of Dharma, and you're wholeheartedly there, you won't be trapped with your thoughts.

[41:37]

I wonder if this is turning the wheel of Dharma. It will just turn. It will turn. And when it turns, Oh, when it turns, it washes your sins away. Oh, when it turns, oh, when it turns, when it turns, oh, when it turns, oh, when it turns, it's going to wash you, your sins away. What are your sins? Half-heartedness. The wheel of Dharma will wash away the sins of half-heartedness. or the sin of half-heartedness. That's our main sin. Our main sin is we're not fully living this moment. We're a little bit off or way off, but, you know, and measuring it, measuring how far you're off, that's an opportunity for wholeheartedness. I think I missed by a little tiny bit or I was way off.

[42:43]

Or I hit the mark. I've got it finally. And you could say that and be wholehearted about it and not be caught by it. Finally, finally, I'm enlightened. If you wholeheartedly say that and feel that with your whole body and mind, you won't be caught with, I'm enlightened. Not to mention, As usual, I'm not enlightened. Wow, for the first time in weeks I'm not enlightened. This is amazing. It's kind of neat, actually. But I don't want to get caught here, so I'm going to be like big time, wholehearted, not enlightened. Wholehearted is not enlightened. It's a little bit different.

[43:45]

Wholehearted, not enlightened. You're right. Wholehearted, not enlightened is not not enlightened, which is enlightened. You got it. Wholehearted, deluded is not deluded. Wholehearted, not deluded is deluded. It's nothing stuck in your mind. that people want you to do. They want you to wholeheartedly be you so that you can show them transcendence of you so they can learn it. That's why we have to have a conversation, ask questions, even though you know my answers. You're not asking that when you're wholehearted, you're not asking me questions to get anything. You're doing it to help me. You come to this class to help me. Say, I'm going to ask him another question. And he's going to say, just pray. It's going to be so cool. I'm just trying to reconcile this idea.

[44:48]

You're trying to reconcile. Okay, now this is a great opportunity. This idea of wholeheartedness with... Staying in the middle and not caring too much or too little. Right? Those... Yeah, those are like easy to reconcile. Not caring too much or not... Not caring too much or caring too little is a character... is a... This is teachings for people who care. Bodhisattvas care infinitely... But not too much or too little. So not too much, not too little. Not in front, not in back. No gain or loss. These are instructions for people who care. Like I see Ron and Carmen are here for the first time in about 20 years.

[45:59]

Their baby is allowing them to come. I assume your baby's not dead. Right? Yeah. Yeah, so now they're both here. Here they are. You care for this boy. But... The whole universe is asking you to continue to care for him, but not too much and not too little. And he wants that too. He wants you to find that huge love that's not excessive. He wants you to find Buddha's love for him so he can learn it. That's what he wants to learn from his parents. Not too much, not too little. Just infinite. Just infinite.

[47:05]

But infinite is also finite. It's infinite and it's the finite form of you caring about him eating his dinner. That finite thing. And if you wholeheartedly care for him eating his dinner, you'll realize infinite love that's always there with this finite love. You're stuck? Somebody's stuck over here. I'm coming over here because she's... The emptiness. No matter what, we end up in emptiness, so why bother? No matter what, we wind up in emptiness, so why bother?

[48:11]

I think maybe if you think, why bother, we should just forget about emptiness. Because I don't want you to think, I don't want you to not bother. I want you to bother, and I want you to bother wholeheartedly. And I'm just mentioning that if you would bother wholeheartedly, you would realize that the thing you're bothering about is . But if that message is undermining your wholeheartedness, forget it. I won't mention that anymore. Without bothering, we're just going to be trapped in whatever it is. Without bothering wholeheartedly, then we're imprisoned by our unwillingness to bother.

[49:19]

Or, you know, unwillingness to give ourselves completely to the bother. But again, One way of bothering is to bother too much. That's easier than bothering just the right amount. Bothering wholeheartedly is really, you know, it doesn't veer into too much or too little. That's what we're being called to do. And from that place, we will leave the wheel of the Dharma. But if we hear any teachings that make us feel like, why bother? I would say, let's forget about that teaching for a little while, okay? And let's just go back to, not just why bother, but is there some way without any resistance?

[50:24]

I want to help you and I want you to help me bother completely, but not excessively. Forget about emptiness for a little while, okay? Sorry I mentioned it, in a way. We can take an emptiness break, okay? And I appreciate what you're saying. Suzuki Roshi used to talk about emptiness as like salt. Could you hear that? Did you hear that? No. You heard it enough? Would you say it back to me? No. Do you want me to say it to you? I'd love it. Suzuki Roshi used to talk about emptiness as like salt. Salt. S-A-L-T.

[51:27]

Salt. In Japanese, shio. Well, he said, he said, a little bit of rice is really delicious. Our life is like rice. And sometimes the rice is, you know, whatever. But put a little emptiness on it, and it's really tasty. But maybe tonight I put a little too much emptiness on it, and I don't want to eat anymore. I'm sorry. So let's not put any more salt on this talk tonight, okay? That's maybe enough of that. So a little bit of emptiness is really tasty and encourages us to eat our rice. to consume our life and to give our life because it's so wonderful. Without a little emptiness, we might give up on it.

[52:29]

Yes? So our life is, well, our first vow is, God, do something. God, do something. We're all sentient beings. So that's, if we do that whole word, that's the wise kind of thing. Could be, and then put some, yeah, and then put some emptiness on that. Gotta save all sentient beings, and then gotta save all sentient beings actually. And so instead of just being a coping mechanism, the rest ends up being still for me. Yeah. Because I gotta, [...] I gotta. Pretty soon it's like I gotta quit this, whatever this I gotta is. But if you I gotta help all beings, but there's no beings to help, Actually that helps you continue to want to help beings. The COVID mechanism could be taking rights to people who don't have them.

[53:33]

You could... you could use the tourniquet to somebody who's bleeding as a coping mechanism you could use it that way or you could just bring the tourniquet like here it is you just bring this and use it without it being a coping mechanism but you could also use this as a coping mechanism like coping with I'm really a good person I'm really helping people You know, am I helping people enough? With this, I can say yes and think that that's going to put the end to my suffering about am I doing enough. You can use it that way. But you don't have to use it that way. You know, you can deal with the misery and the blood with a tourniquet. You can do that coming from wholeheartedness or you can do it as a distraction from wholeheartedness. It's the same action.

[54:37]

But in one case, you're happy. In the other case, you're wholehearted. In one case, you're trying to get something out of it, like feel like you're a good person, or get other people to think you're a good person. Like, that was really helpful. I was hoping you would say that. That's really why I did it, is that you would say it was helpful. I mean, I'd like to help you, but other people could have helped you actually, but I got in front of them and did it before them because I wanted you to think that I was the helpful one. I gave the good teaching. You can turn anything into a coping mechanism. You can turn anything into basically a getting something mechanism. But you can also let anything be when you're wholehearted and when you let things be.

[55:41]

The wheel of Dharma turns and beings are liberated from what? From using coping mechanisms as an excuse for being half-hearted. So sometimes I notice that I have resistance to something. And I feel like I have to sit for a really long time in stillness and silence to wholeheartedly embrace my resistance. And instead of doing that, I just go ahead and do the thing that I have resistance to. Because I'm almost curious to see what happens when I do that I already know I have resistance to. And then I do it, and I do have resistance to it. And then I have a whole set of feelings about that. But I don't know, sometimes it feels useful to do that. That sounds pretty good to me. To feel like you got resistance and to go ahead and do the thing as a way of studying your resistance.

[56:42]

It's like embracing your resistance. rather than say, okay, I've got resistance to this thing, so I'm going to go over and sit. I'm going to go sit in meditation where I don't have any resistance. And then later, after I sit for a while, I'll come back and try that, which is fine. Sometimes you feel like, I resist this, I can't not resist this, I'm going to go do something where I don't resist. And after I get the feeling for not resisting again, I'm going to come back and try it again. That's okay. But you've got to say, I resist this, and I'm going to go totally meet this resistance. So somebody's resisting, but somebody's not resisting the resisting. So Buddha's not resisting your resistance. So when you study your resistance and embrace your resistance, that's Buddha. then your resistance is a useful opportunity for Buddha activity. Again, the resistance isn't the problem, it's being half-hearted about the resistance.

[57:51]

Like, I don't want to do that. Oh, come on, you can do better than that. I don't want to do that. Come on, come on. Let's see a wholehearted I don't want to do that. And you say, I do not want to do that. Yes, you do. You're right. When you half-heartedly resist, you're ready to not wholeheartedly resist. If you half-heartedly resist, you're not ready to not resist. So I think what your example is like, that would be good to do that. In other words, you got the resistance, okay. You got the resistance, okay. Now, the resistance is calling for wholeheartedness. It's calling.

[58:58]

Resistance is calling. I am calling you. I am calling you. Everything is calling you. Resistance is calling you. And you hear it. Good. That's what it wants you to do. Now let's Did you hear it wholeheartedly? Do you want to? Do you want to wholeheartedly hear the intolerant, the intolerable? Do you aspire to it? Bodhisattva vow is the aspiration to wholeheartedly, not just sort of like, okay, okay, it's wholeheartedly listen to the cries of the world, to wholeheartedly observe.

[60:17]

The aspiration, have we got there yet? Well, not quite. Do you still want, and do you know what that's going to be like? No. Do you still aspire to it? Yes. Have you got there yet? I don't think so. Are you open to somebody saying that you have got there? I'll listen to that too. You got there. Great. You've arrived. Okay. I hear it. That's a joke. Okay. I'm curious about when was the last time you experienced a real strong resistance and how you moved into that? Strong?

[61:18]

Could it be a week? If you take strong, you might have to go a few days. Anyway, I do notice some resistance quite frequently. It hasn't been long since I noticed some resistance. But ...longer since I wasn't kind when I noticed the resistance. I'm pretty kind to my own resistance when I see it. Even though my resistance may be like below average kindness, I sometimes am quite kind to my resistance.

[62:24]

And a lot of people, that's a really good thing because a lot of people say, I cannot feel compassion for certain people in this world, not for him. And I say, well, can you feel compassion for your inability to be compassionate to him? Yes. Yes. Some other people actually are even harder on themselves for their inability to be compassionate to him than they are on him. They're really hard on themselves. And so I to encourage them to be kinder to themselves about their own shortcomings. Actually, being kind to your shortcomings doesn't promote them. it sends you on the path to being wholeheartedly shortcoming. And when you're wholehearted, you will not have shortcoming. It will not be shortcoming. So it's by loving the shortcoming that you become wholehearted about it and become free of it.

[63:31]

So I do sometimes have shortcomings. I come up short on, like, really being there, like, okay, I've been waiting for you for coming. The thought does cross my mind sometimes. I don't know if I want to get that old. You know, I hear about some really old people and what they're like. And then I go, I don't know about that. I don't know. I might kind of like check out of that one. but I'm not mean to myself when I notice that. You know, like, you know, half-heartedness. Which just makes me all the more wanting to be wholehearted.

[64:34]

It doesn't make me want to give up. It just makes me want to be wholehearted about that. What is that? Whatever. Whatever I'm having trouble being wholehearted about, when I see it and I'm kind to myself, I feel like, yeah, I would like to find a way to be wholehearted about that too. That yucky, almost intolerable condition, which might not even be here, but just it might be here tomorrow, right? Yes, helper. Where does aspiration come from? I was wondering when somebody was going to ask that. What did you say? Yay, Tracy. Aspiration comes from...

[65:38]

a conversation with somebody. And the aspiration to be wholehearted comes through a conversation with the wholehearted. we have been blessed with meeting and hearing and seeing the face of wholeheartedness. And when we saw it, or saw the actions that come from it, we thought, I aspire to that. I want to be able to act like that, which means act like not too much or too little. I want to be able to, like, say hello when I'm being taught and praised. I want to come back with compassion whether I'm insulted or praised.

[66:47]

I want to be like that. And when I see that, it's being communicated to me. And in that communion, that person doesn't make me, and I don't make myself. In the communion, this communion is happening when you're here. at the center and in the conversation this aspiration arises to do the enlightening work to the cries of the world. Somebody who listens, listen to you and in that conversation the aspiration arises. I don't make it, you don't make it, but you and I together, it comes up. In conversation, it comes up. Yes? I met you there too.

[67:55]

Isn't that funny? I remember you said, so think about what you want to be. And that was, I think, one of the very first time I was the same. And I raised my hand naively. I said, I want to be like you. And you said, that's very good. But I've stopped 30 years. That was great teaching, 30 years. It's 50. And it's like, you know, you have a class in yoga, in kabha japa, and I just got here, and it completely broke my heart. Not in that sense, whole body broke.

[69:04]

It was just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. So hopefully we can, made in 20 years from now. Yes? Would you say our nature is full-hearted? Yes. And we have a karmic consciousness? Yep. So we tend to see a problem with that kind of dynamic, karmic consciousness, full-hearted nature. So would you say that our kind of filtering things, experiencing things through our sense of self-awareness or kind of our concept of our self, is that to make us feel?

[70:24]

Yes. And so the medicine is The medicine is to embrace that sense of separateness. Yep. Embrace all the, and all the cries that come up around that sense of separateness, all the fear, and etc. All the, I've got to do something about this, that comes up in that context. When you say, I want to do something, because I tend to agree when I look at myself and others, I see that I have to do something. And in my mind, my little thing is, I got to do something in the future, either with a better person or make myself a better person in the future. It's like, it's always like... Yeah, and all that stuff you're making, those gestures, make it hard to be wholehearted.

[71:27]

They keep taking you away from just being there. But it's not impossible. You can... You can learn to hear it and not get distracted. We can learn that. It's possible. But it's hard because this stuff is saying, do something other than listen to me, even though it's really saying, all I want you to do is listen to me. I don't want you to do anything. Everybody else is doing something. Would somebody please listen to me and free me? You show me how I can listen to myself. Would somebody help me learn that? And you can say, yes. And then, I've got to do something. That's not going to stop. This, I've got to do something, is not going to stop. This is a... provocative, seductive stories are not going to stop. They're going to just keep calling for compassion. And that's our job as Buddha's students is to listen to them all and learn to not even though they are very deceptive and misleading.

[72:45]

They're like leading us away from what they really want us to do. When Tracy asked where does the aspiration come from, I was immediately picturing those big Tibetan kind of circle of earth and death, where there's all the realms. And every one of the realms, like this woman's or hell realm, all of it. I'll read those, especially. In every single one of them, there's a little teeny Buddha. Bodhisattva. It's a bodhisattva? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's a bodhisattva. It's always there, exactly. It's always there. No matter where you are, no matter how deluded you are, the compassion is always there.

[73:50]

It's never someplace else. There's a lot of hell beings in just one little bodhisattva. Sometimes I just think of hell beings. That's just the way they drew it. There's infinite bodhisattvas. And all the bodhisattvas are with each hell dweller. And all the Buddhas are with each hell dweller. But those, usually they draw this bodhisattvas. I can show you how it's a bodhisattva, not a Buddha. But the Buddhas are also, this is a, you know, We say incredible, correct word. It's hard to believe that all the Buddhas are practicing together with you and you. But that's the teaching. The teaching is not 30% of the Buddhas are with you, 17% are with me, 1% are with... No, all of them are with everybody.

[74:59]

Because all of them are sitting in the middle of all of us. All of the Buddhas are practicing with each person. Try that teaching on. And the bodhisattvas are with the Buddhas. So anyway, here we go again.

[75:17]

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