At the end of our last session, I looked at Leon's face and asked him what was going on. He said he was in a state of consternation or something like that. And then later I asked him if I could help him with his consternation. And he said, what did you say? I said yes. So he's doing well with his consternation now, right? And you remember what else you said? except that I think that all we have is stories.

[01:12]

Consternation. It means kind of stirred up, kind of disturbed, puzzled. It's different from, what is it, carnation. Carnation milk is made from concentrated cows. Pardon? I said that accounts for it. Carnation milk, they used to say that carnation milk was, before Buddhism was well established in America, they used to say carnation milk is made from contented cows. But now they say concentrated cows. Which includes serenity, serene cows who are not taking any drugs.

[02:25]

So then I said to Leon, write. And then another story came to mind, which is a story about... a story which appears in the Book of Serenity, which is written by cows. And Case 37 of the Book of Serenity. It's called something like Guishan's active consciousness or karmic consciousness. And Guishan's most noted disciple's name is Yangshan. And so Guishan says to Yangshan, if someone comes up to you and says, all sentient beings just have karmic consciousness.

[03:38]

How would you test that in experience? And vis-a-vis what Leon was bringing up, you could say, all sentient beings just have stories. boundless and unclear, with no fundamental to rely on. How would you test that in experience? Yangshan said, if someone comes and says that to me, I would say, hey you, If he hesitates, no, no, I don't say it.

[04:43]

If someone comes, I say, what is it? If he hesitates, I say, all sentient beings just have karmic consciousness, just have stories, boundless and unclear, with no fundamental to rely on. And Guishan said, good. So he tests by saying, for example, if someone wants to understand what this means, he tests to see if they understand. And he also tests to see where they're at. He says, what is it? And if they hesitate, he just feeds them back that teaching, which is basically, you're just caught in your story. You're caught in your story, so when I say, what is it, you hesitate.

[05:48]

And so that's a good test to see if the person is caught. And then, but this story doesn't tell the other side. But in the commentary to this story, there's another story which has both sides. So two monks are talking and one of them's name is Nanyang. The other one is not named. And the monk says to Nanyang, in the Flower Adornment Scripture, it says that all... No, in the Flower Adornment Scripture, it says that the fundamental affliction of ignorance is itself the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas.

[07:02]

This seems very abstruse and difficult to understand. And Nanyang says, I don't think so. Seems pretty straightforward to me. The monk says, well, how so? And Nanyang says, well, see that young man over there sweeping the ground? Watch this. And he says to the boy, Hey you! And the boy turns his head. And he says, Is this not the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas? And then he says to the boy, What's Buddha? And the boy hesitates and gets disoriented and kind of stumbles off into the dust. And then he says, is this not the fundamental affliction of ignorance?

[08:10]

So the boy is a sentient being and all these goddess stories. And then you say, hey you, but he just turns his head. Just like a Buddha would if you say, hey you. He's living in this fundamental affliction of ignorance. He's living in this story land where unenlightened beings live. I brought this to show you. And the teacher says, hey, you. But he's not caught by his story. He just turns his head. Like a Buddha would.

[09:25]

So if a Buddha, you say, hey, you, the Buddha could just turn her head. Not caught by this. She's not living in the story. I'm the Buddha. People should not be saying, hey, you, to me. On the Buddha. You don't say, hey you, to the Buddha. Well, you don't, really. There's a story like that. You don't do that to the Buddha. You don't say, hey you, man. Actually, I do have a story like that. But usually, but when you do that, you realize that's kind of not appropriate to be talking about to the great teacher that way. It's not really kind of the right thing to do. There's a story like that. And the Buddha knows that story. But the Buddha's not caught by that story. So you say, hey, you're the Buddha, Buddha can say, yo. And that boy could too.

[10:29]

That's what Buddhists can do. They understand the stories so they aren't caught by them. And this story arises, they've got a Buddha here and people should be respectful. And then this story arises, they're not being respectful and you don't stick to either one. You go, phew. That's what Buddhists can do. They know how to do that. And that boy does too. Working with the same material, but not caught by it. Then he says, what's Buddha? And the boy, the master's asking me, what's Buddha? Catch, let's catch, catch. Hesitates, trouble. There it is. That's the fundamental affliction.

[11:37]

That's what happens to you when you have ignorance, is you get hung up on the story because you don't understand. So then you get hung up. But the same story, right there, you're not hung up. And that's what Buddhas know how to do. It's right there. sentient beings means living beings that are not fully awakened to what a living being is. They don't understand stories yet. That's what they've got to work with. But still, they're not separate from the Buddhas so they can immediately turn at some point and not be caught. This path of least resistance Another word is the path of least action. It's not a physical principle. Principle of relativity and principle of least action. Things actually go, physical things actually go according to where there's the least work. Whereas we imagine stories where there's more work than necessary and get stuck in those stories and get tired out.

[12:46]

Even though everything's still flying right according to on course, we imagine it gets stuck. So the first story just tells half the test. The second story shows both sides. Same person. One time they're not stuck. The next time they are stuck. First time they're like a Buddha. Next time they're like a sentient being who's stuck. And I brought this New Yorker. This is the New Yorker, February 12th. Is that Abraham Lincoln's birthday? It's got a picture of, you know, it's a New Yorker magazine, so it's probably a New York subway. It's got all these people on the subway with other people. And it's got all these little, you know, bubbles above their head.

[13:50]

of their dreams about their relationship with the other people on the air. They're all dreaming, they're all telling, they all have stories arising in their minds about their relationship with the other people on the subway. So this one young man who's carrying like, looks like an art student, and he's He might be Asian. He might be Japanese or Chinese. He's got straight black hair. And he's got a little, what do you call it? A portfolio to carry his artwork. And he's looking at another, kind of a buxom, but also potentially Asian girl. And he's dreaming of her being his model. for his paintings. He's dreaming of painting her in the nude. And she's dreaming of him and her getting married with their clothes on.

[14:59]

And then there's a man of African descent reading a magazine. He's dreaming of a huge superwoman carrying him around And then there's a man who's got his arm raised and he's looking at this woman in front of him and dreaming of kissing her and she's thinking of how smelly he is. And then there's this blind woman with a dog and the dog's dreaming of chasing a cat. And the blind woman who's sitting next to a woman who has a crying baby is dreaming of the baby not crying. And the woman with the baby is dreaming of going for a walk in the park with the blind woman and her dog and her baby. So everybody in the bus, I mean everybody in the, it could be a bus too I suppose, bus or subway is dreaming about their relationship with the world and then other people, and we get to see actually the whole story here.

[16:21]

This is kind of a Buddha's eye view of the situation. But this is like, this is the normal situation. But if we are generous with this normal situation, we can find the way not to be caught by the normal situation. Then we don't even have to go to an abnormal situation where nobody's dreaming. And then if nobody's dreaming, you think, well, then we wouldn't be caught. No. Because then you would think not dreaming was it, and you'd be caught in not dreaming. You tighten up around that. Finally I got rid of all this dreaming that people are doing. I got away from these stories about what's going on. I have no ideas. So then I'm really in touch with reality. So then you're stuck there. So then you don't see the light either. And a lot of, in Zen and other Buddhist schools, some teachers, some students think that having no thought and therefore no stories and therefore no karmic consciousness, that that would be

[17:36]

nirvana. But this tradition is saying not discriminating, not thinking, is not nondiscriminating wisdom. So you can't tell in this picture whether some of these people are studying all their stories that they're having, just studying one after another as they change from one to another. Or that if they knew what the other people's stories were, that they would be able to study and be interested in their stories as much as their own. And they'd be able to see that the other people's stories are really their own. They just didn't know yet until they were told. But when they were told, they'd say, oh, that's my story too. Do you want to hear my old story before I heard your story? And the other person says, no. They say, oh. So these stories, again according to that statement, are boundless.

[18:47]

There's no end to them, really. They really don't have ends. They're unclear, or you could say obscuring. And there's no, there's actually no fundamental there, nothing to get a hold in them. And yet they are sufficient for us to go through them in a path that's not the path that requires the least action. so then we get stressed. And also, I forgot the lyrics, but they go something like this. I mean, I don't know if they go something like this. Help me. It's just the same old story, A tale of love and glory? What? A fight for love and glory? What?

[19:50]

A case of do or die? What? The fundamental things apply as time go by. A kiss is just a kiss. A smile is just a smile. Oh no, you must remember this. A kiss is just a kiss. A smile is just a smile. A sigh is a sigh. I thought it was a sigh which is a sigh. Yeah. But then somebody told me it was a smile. Anyway, you must remember this. A kiss is just a kiss. A smile is just a smile. the fundamental things in life the fundamental things apply as time goes by back to the beginning it goes it's just the same old story a fight for love and glory a case of do or die okay that's the situation right

[21:07]

Now, you must remember this. In a situation like this, with these old stories, these boundless stories, you can't get away from them, and they're do-or-die stories, and they're stories of fighting for love and glory and, you know, etc., against the axis of evil. fighting from my way, which is true. These kind of stories, in such a situation which we happen to be in, surrounded by other people who are dreaming like us. Remember, a kiss is just a kiss. A sigh is just a sigh. A sound is just a sound. A smell is just a smell. A touch is just a touch. The fundamental things apply as time goes by.

[22:16]

Okay? Now time's going by again. It'll be the same. Time's going by. A kiss is just a kiss. That's it, that's it, that's it. Can I have another one? It's just that. There's not another, there's just that. Don't overwork. But we have to train ourselves into just a kiss. Just a sigh. In other words, be generous with those kisses. Be generous with those sighs.

[23:16]

It's a sigh. That's it. Okay. Give that sigh to that sigh. Give that kiss to that kiss. totally participate in the thing being just that, and complete it with your generosity as time goes by. In other words, moment after moment, practice that way. Remember this moment after moment. These tales of love and glory and fights of love and glory will continue, but this is the way you practice in such a dramatic setting which is all we've got and you know and sometimes people get dramatically undramatic stories extremely boring stories and those actually are very auspicious because that means the tales of hatred and greed have kind of like waned and now they come in and tell you that it's boring

[24:22]

So go back to those exciting ones again. Caroline? Hi. Hi, Caroline. I'm still thinking about the Long Gee story. You're thinking about the Lin Gee story? Lin Gee. Yes, uh-huh. Yeah, that's good. Keep thinking about it. Can you explain why it was appropriate for him to hit both of his teachers at the end? Why it was appropriate? Did it help them gain a higher enlightenment too? Definitely. His activity is the deepening of their enlightenment. His exercise of freedom. Oh, so it's not The fact that he hit them, it's the fact that he felt free to hit them.

[25:30]

Yes, his freedom, his joyful liberation deepens their enlightenment. Wang Bo was very happy about this, you know. He was having a good time with this. it didn't really hurt him to have... that swat didn't hurt him and the yell didn't hurt him. He was very happy about it. He was delighted that this person realized his freedom. And then every time this person demonstrates it, it's a joy. Just like again, when you see someone you love and they demonstrate their freedom and you enjoy that, that deepens your understanding. I'm here pretty much as a student.

[26:39]

Pretty much? Pretty much as a student. What else? I could be just an observer. Oh, I see. Okay. And that could easily happen simply because I'm accompanying my friend Sal, and I'm very grateful for him to bring him on to this meeting today. Can you hear him? A little louder, Rudy. Okay. I am very grateful to be here today and accompanying my friend Sal to have brought me to such an event. So I could easily have been just, like I said, an observer and call that a day. But it's been a very enlightening experience to be here. I've had a lot of great teachers, and that means all of you. called it The Story of Lynn Jean, and made me aware of all my own stories.

[27:42]

Last night, in talking with Andy and Sal, in telling one of my stories, they brought up, let's say, another individual that says, oh, you're just like that individual. And I said, no, that's not me. And they both started to laugh. We'll support you. And I thought that one of the most difficult things is to let go of your own stories. And out of all the things that I learned, and I think that that's probably the thing that I learned the most, is to be able to let go. And that is going to be a very difficult task. I'm a servant of it. And I appreciate it, and I appreciate the setting that has allowed me to do that. So I thank you, all of you, for this event.

[28:48]

Spanish is Rudy's first language, right, probably? Yeah. But his English is very good. But I don't know if there's a kind of what I call an idiom called, we say, an observant Christian or an observant Jew, right? Somebody who's observing the practices of that tradition. Okay? All right? So I was thinking what he learned here, the most important thing he felt he learned here was to let go. And that's what an observant... so-called Buddhist, that's what a Buddhist practices, is letting go, including letting go of Buddhism. And one of the ways you can test if you let go of Buddhism is see if other stories from people from other religions can be your stories, which is very difficult for some of us. When a Jehovah's Witness comes, And it's not so much, you know, they're called Jehovah's Witness, but really it's a person who's got a story.

[29:56]

And they say they're a Jehovah's Witness. That's part of their story. So then they tell you their story, which some other Jehovah's Witness might say, no, that's not my story. But all these Jehovah's Witnesses, one of which is my sister, they come and they tell you stories. And then you think, Well, geez, that's kind of like not my story. So in some ways, I would say, you know, I have the story that a Buddhist is like not holding on to, that's not my story. You might think, that doesn't seem to be my story, but I'm not going to hang on to that it's not my story. Just, there's a story. which comes up in my mind and then I hear their story and I make a story of that and they seem to be I don't see them reflecting each other okay but I want to let go of not just let go of their story but let go of the story that they're not related and let go of my story this is the observant the practitioner is actually working on that but it's hard it's hard

[31:15]

You have this understanding of Islam. Okay. And I want you to know there's other understandings of Islam. You have this understanding of Judaism. You have this understanding of Christianity. There's other understandings. And also there is cutting through all of them. And that's, I think, what everybody wants. I think that's happiness because the truth cuts through all stories. doesn't get stuck in any human story. But human beings, bless their hearts, are living in story land. So are who? Wheat? Watch what I just said. I said human beings. Are you not a human being? Are you not a human being?

[32:30]

Pardon? Yes. Yeah, I said human beings are in story land. And you said, so are we. I thought maybe you're not a human. Are you a fox? Are you a red fox? Are you a red fox? Oh, and you have stories too? Oh, well, thanks for coming. Anybody can come up. And you don't have to come alone. You can bring a friend if you want. Well, I wanted to come up because yesterday this is what I was avoiding. I've already spoken with you about that.

[33:33]

what happened, but I wanted to say it to everybody. Speak up, please. Okay, I'll speak up. Well, yesterday when I was... Sing your song. Sitting in the back, and Rev said, move up. And I said, I immediately said, well, I wasn't moving away from you. And the minute I said it, I knew I was. And so it was like the whack that I didn't expect. So I thought I was moving away. And I sat with that, and then Red told her story about hiding. And that's my story. And it was really important. It was an important discovery, because I really didn't understand my story that I've been hiding for a long time. And I've done it through moving to different communities and avoiding that connection, that deeper connection.

[34:37]

And coming here and wanting to be connected on some level, but then not doing it. Wanting to be connected, but then not doing it? But not connected. Wanting to connect, but not connecting. And somehow feeling safe. And it's my old story. Feeling safer when you're not connected? And I'm listening to it. I feel quite relieved, and I feel anxious right now, but I feel calmer than I was yesterday. And I was looking down at my shirt that somebody else gave me, but it says snowed in. Cabin fever. It says cabin fever.

[35:40]

So I feel like I just sort of come out of the mountain feeling that way. You came out of the mountains feeling what way? Snowed in. Having cabin fever in a way. And then after you got out, you want to go back in the cabin? No. I don't. I want to go back and take your advice and connect with other people that have a little sangha. Connect with other people. Yeah. In other words, realize your connection with people by doing rituals like going and grabbing people and punching them. I have attempted to reach out. We are connected but we get distracted so then we have to do something to realize it like go and sit together and walk together

[36:42]

This morning when you were walking meditation just a while ago, you know, I sat here and I just wanted to let you walk forever. You were so beautiful walking together so calmly. Wasn't that nice? So nice, so quiet, so... But even though it seemed like it would be nice for you to do it forever, also it's nice to give it away. Just give it away and sit down. So yeah, we do these things to feel connected, but it's really to realize the truth that we are. And so then we try to do something to do it and then we won't start to do it. We want to not do it anymore. We don't want to feel connected? We do want to feel connected, so then we make a big effort, you know, like we leave Minnesota and drive all the way across the country to be with a teacher. And then when we get there and the teacher turns on us and says, I'm here for you totally, we say, well, it's okay, maybe later.

[37:49]

What did you say? I know. You know. Yeah, because I felt like you for so long that there's an intensity with you and you're so present that it makes me feel like I don't feel it right now, but I have felt like I needed to draw that. Yeah, right. And I just want to say, I felt that way with Suzuki Roshi, too. That when he actually, like, gave me his total attention, I often feel like, I don't want to take any more of your time. It's okay. Thanks a lot. See you later. That's why I said to you yesterday, do you want to go to dinner now? And I said, you're just... Well, I got started on my story, and you had to say, slow down. Okay. Okay. Yes, sometimes people tell me their story and they say it's so fast because they don't want to notice that I'm listening to it. Thank you all very much.

[38:56]

You're welcome. And you see there was one other... Oh, remind me about Jewel Mirror. Yes, please. I have a story I want to share that I think is appropriate for the group because you were talking about finding teachers last night. Yes. And I had been studying a long time with Leslie Temple Thurston coming here, and she is not from a particular lineage, although she had Hindu teachers. And then I started going to hear Adyashanti, who seems very clear. I started to go to hear Adyashanti, who seems very clear and sharp, and I went on retreats with him here and enjoyed them very much. And the last time I went on a retreat with him, I got kicked out of the retreat. And I don't want to go into a lot of details, but it was very interesting because I felt this was a community that I could maybe fit with.

[40:03]

I liked his teachings. I still go to listen to him, but I won't sign up on a retreat with him. I was kicked out because I could not stay the whole time. I had obligations that came up. And at that time, I felt it was OK that the universe somehow set me up for this experience. And of course, I was more upset about it later when I could think about it, when the thinking comes in. What I think the real message was that, of course, in a way it had nothing to do with Adyashanti. I think part of it was a lesson to see that I was depending on teachers too much and thinking that if I would go to retreats, maybe I could be carried through and not have to do as much work. And so I think it was kind of the universe saying, wake up, it's time for you to do more of the work yourself and take on more responsibility.

[41:12]

And... Share it more. Yeah. Yeah. Good. And so it really was a very valuable retreat and very different from any other retreat I had gone on before. And coming to this retreat, I may have heard you talk once. I wasn't really aware of who you were, but I wanted the place and the time to meditate. And I've enjoyed it very much. And coming here has allowed me to appreciate my other teachers more, too, and see that all of you are this part of this beautiful quilt where you really all say the same thing. But you say it very differently. And being able to say it differently allows people to see things in different ways and to come in and to hear in a way that maybe you couldn't with somebody else or you couldn't at that time.

[42:14]

And so thank you to all of you. Because we're in this together. Hallelujah. I'd like to share this story and to let it go, but I don't know how many times more I'm going to repeat it before I let it go. But I said with an intention about hope. And for some of us, a perfect example of about 20 years ago, if you would have seen me, I was a rock. Totally destroyed the nature. I was not relating to the trees, to the birds, nothing.

[43:18]

Totally disconnected and I wanted to have my backyard to come and be concrete. And the person who came before he comes, he said, why don't you wait for two weeks? Because when you put the concrete, if you want to change it, it's kind of hard. So give yourself some time. And within that two weeks, I happened to go to this ashram. And there was a chanting program. I went there for a couple hours. I kind of felt the energy. I kind of felt the vibration of the chant came out spontaneously. of the chant and for two days I was in absolute bliss. I was just connected to the whole world. Birds were not these flying objects to me anymore. Trees were not the extra stuff that kind of puts in my backyard. I could feel, I could see, I could sense every line in the bird, every And I could see my own hands.

[44:19]

I could see the lines. I could see this perfect shape, which before I was totally disconnected. So I'm saying with just the intention to just loosen up for some of us without the nature, just have some hope, because there are people like me who'd be transformed in just a matter of, who knows, you know, just a moment. So thank you. Thank you. So you didn't put the cement in, huh? You can come too, Suchitra. You can come too, it's all right.

[45:22]

Finally we talked. Okay, Friday when we talk. Thank you. I think that helped me. And I told you the story of my family and having a very difficult situation with my alcoholic niece. And... Alcoholic niece. Thank you. And I had to take her to a homeless shelter. Homeless shelter. Homeless shelter. Yeah. Beloved niece, right. Your beloved niece. Yes, okay. And before I came here Friday, I was packing. I told you I accidentally didn't know. I put on Sarah Brightman's, accidentally, CD called It's Time to Say Goodbye. And it just flattened me.

[46:45]

And I told you I laid down on my bed. And what came to me was saying goodbye to my family, letting go of my family. And, I mean, that's pretty much a cardinal sin according to my family. And I got scared because the question came. And as you said about the question yesterday, it was so right on. You said what's difficult with the questions is what came to me was this question came from my heart, like you said, not through my mind. And the question was, well, what am I really letting go of? And I got scared because it was like, First got images of my family, and then all kinds of things came in. And I jumped off the bed, thought, well, where does this end? And then when I came Friday night, and you said, and this reminds me of that Lit G story your students said about getting hit in holding places.

[47:56]

And when you said, you spoke my worst fear, which was I said, the question that came up is, What am I letting go of? And you said, everything, which was my prayer. Well, what's that mean? And I asked you, I think, and you gave me an answer, but I lost it. And what I got through the weekend is everything is just the stories. They're just stories. My family thing is just a story. So to loosen up around it is creating space. And you said be generous. I've been generous with it. And I feel a lot better. And you said you almost guaranteed me there would be a light, there would be different light. And it's true. And the other thing, it's so aware of the support.

[48:59]

You know, no one knows that they all supported me. Well, you know. Everybody knows. And doing this thing, I could not have done what I did and the way I did it without everybody supporting me. And then one more thing. When you came up and talked about masters and... You know, it's like knowing intellectually about masters. And what I got somehow in that conversation was, you are a master at, I'll call it, the mind, knowledge of the mind and spirit. And it's like, well, there are master therapists, bridge players. golfers, and it's somehow the feeling level took care of.

[50:10]

And, you know, intellectually, I know you don't want to be master of me or people. You keep saying, you know, Renaud. But the feeling level, it's like you said, well, everybody's a master. Learn from everybody. It's like I learned a lot from my niece. I mean, we both We did. And I'll learn when we start things. But I could choose to study masters who know things that are going to bring more light. And I just felt relieved. And I think it primarily had to do with I had a very authoritarian father. you know, the master thing just kind of tightened me up. In fact, I'll share this. He used to say as a kid, he'd do it in kind of a joking way, but he'd do this fist and he'd say, put it up to your nose and say, smell your master.

[51:18]

I hated it. And I told him, don't do that. I don't like it. You know, sensitive children. So I had forgotten that until This moment brought up that topic. And when we're at the end, I was talking last night about wanting to go up there in the center like this. Why would you do this? And... Because we've got to share. And I learned, and these other people come up here and do this, so even though when everyone's talking, it's really helpful. We're going to be more miserable sitting back there. We're coming up here, and I thought, well, I know I'm going to be more tied up. So I thank you. I thank everybody. Thank you. I think Suchitra was next.

[52:27]

Did you want to offer something? I wanted to ask if you would offer something. If it's appropriate and fitting you remember, there was a poem that you just reminded me of when you talked about the boy, or one of those stories in one moment, if you go like that. And I think there's a poem about a turning word. One turning word. A poem about a turning word? Uh-huh. I can't remember it. I know. I'll find it. Yes. Yes. So my takeaway from this retreat is generosity.

[53:45]

And when you spoke of generosity, I took it as it has no limit, no boundaries, no preferences. So therefore, When that nice, wonderful lady spoke up on her knees and the pain that woman is going through, I felt that if there is generosity in the universe and if there is no preference about it, then our generosity is for everyone. And it no longer matters if it's my daughter She said something, but you didn't hear, right? Yeah, please. Yeah, kind of start from the beginning. Sorry. So... My takeaway from this retreat is the word generosity.

[54:53]

And to me, generosity, what I learned from you today, is that this generosity has no limits, no boundaries, and no preferences. It is something we offer to everyone in the universe. And everything. And everything. Exactly. No judgment. And give to the gift. Now the meaning comes to me. I understand it. I'm going to practice it. Great. But going back to the question my friend had or the feeling that she described, my observation was that when we talk about generosity, it doesn't matter if we're helping or we're concerned about our niece or our children or our brothers or sisters. Now our generosity is offered to the universe. We offer it to whoever is asking for it.

[56:00]

Well, we offer to whoever is asking, but sometimes we can't hear them, so we can give gifts even to those who don't ask. But, like, if someone asks you to give them a gift, yes, but some people you can't hear them, but you can still give them to themselves. even though they didn't ask you to. They still appreciate it. But the second step I've always taken in my life... Speak up, please. But the step that I've taken is that even if they don't offer, I mean, I used to offer, then people will not want me to continue. Well, practice the other kind of giving where you just let them be who they are. Exactly. And they can't resist that. And you don't have to say anything to them either. You just look at them and you see them and you give them to themselves.

[57:02]

And you feel that that's giving. And it is. They don't have to hear from you. But if they see it, they will be very happy. Because then they will be able to learn it and practice it also. Which they want to do. But they need somebody to show them somebody has to show us this. We aren't born knowing how to do this, even though we're not born being conscious that we are doing this. We actually are giving everyone to themselves. And we are actually giving ourselves to ourselves. But we're not conscious of it when we're children. So we need to be taught and taught and taught. until we understand.

[58:03]

You can just come up. You don't have to raise your hand. Is there a difference between this seat and that seat? Yes, there's a difference. But they're not separate. And what's the difference? The difference is you feel different. Yes. And that's a fine difference. The difference is she... You didn't hear what I said? The difference is she feels different. And she said it's a fine difference. It's a fine difference, yeah.

[59:15]

I didn't need to feel the difference. Thank you for feeling the difference, Calvin. I didn't want to say that, but my shirt says Calvin Klein. I'd like a little help with the practice of giving myself to others. You'd like help giving yourself to others, yes. Somehow it's more clear to me, getting others to themselves, I understand more readily than getting myself to others.

[60:17]

I don't quite know what that means. Well, I don't want to tell you the meaning of it, okay? Like if you're sitting, you know, can you have a feeling like you're giving your whole heart to your sitting? Like, I'm just giving myself totally to this posture. And now you're looking at me, can you feel just like you're giving yourself to me? The way you, like, give yourself to your posture. Like, here's Stephen, he's yours. I'm yours. Can you do that? I can imagine doing that. Yeah. Yeah, it's like that. It's like, I'm yours. It's like a friend of mine said, she said she met somebody and they said, what are you doing? She said, what do you need? On a good day, that's what she said.

[61:20]

What do you need? I'm yours. And again, the grandsons say, you're mine. And I say, you're right. I'm yours. But I'm also the other grandchildren's. I'm also everybody's. But I'm yours. That's totally true. I'm here for you. I'm yours. But I'm also here for your sister and your mother and your dad. But right now, I'm here with you and I'm yours. If somebody else needs me, I'm theirs too. But, you know, you really can be, I'm yours. And each person, I'm yours, it means it has a different meaning which you can enjoy. The way you're everybody's. And I just wanted to underline the part about the difference between staying back there and staying up here, coming up here.

[62:26]

but coming up here is not so familiar. I encourage you to go in the unfamiliar directions more. You can hang out in the familiar areas too, but come to the unfamiliar. Come and be awkward with me. Awkward in the, you know, awkward in the unfamiliar, embarrassed, Clumsy. That's where Zen is. It's not in hanging out to areas where you're totally cool and got it all worked out. Although, you know, if you want to go there sometimes, fine. It's okay. But please come to the unfamiliar. But if you don't, I'll let you be that way. I mean, that's my vow. And if you feel like I'm getting impatient with you, hanging out, were you familiar?

[63:32]

Let me know, please. Of course, that would require you to go someplace unfamiliar. But that's not so unfamiliar, right? Giving me feedback that I'm being impatient with you? Or you feel like I am? Have I done that? Yeah, you don't have to go out in the middle of the room to do it. I can say it from a distance. I mean, you used to be able to, but now I ask you to come in the middle and say it. I upped the anteo. I didn't really up it, it got upped. My heart upped it. I don't have much time left, so I don't want to... I don't want to... collude in... you know, what do you call it... Hiding. Let Keith come.

[64:45]

He hasn't come yet. Well, this was not a part of my story that I thought was going to happen. Coming up here was not part of the story of what you thought was going to happen? But when Elizabeth said, what's the difference between the two? I wanted to experience the difference and to be here. The weekend has been marvelous for me. with you, but with everyone else. It's been fascinating for me to watch the different stories that I've gone through. There have been many different stories, and even though I've got caught in them, there's also been a part of me that's sitting over here watching this story. It's just sort of amazing what

[65:47]

light offers us. And it's even more amazing when I get to step back and watch it rather than get lost or hang off to it. And I'm good at hanging on to the stories. This is the first retreat I shared with you. This is the first retreat I've shared with you. And my spiritual practice is different. It's a different practice than the one that's created yoga. And so listening to the teachings here, I found myself partly feeling like, is it wrong for me to be here because this is not my tradition? That was only thought that I had at the same time listening to the teachings so much relates to exactly what my teachings are that's wonderful and what this woman said earlier that in listening to the parts of the teachings that don't sound the same actually helps me go deeper into the

[67:06]

the meaning of what my teaching is. So I appreciate the differences. And that helps me on my own path. I'm leaving here to go on to a camping trip vacation to Joshua Tree. And my plan in coming, well, one of my reasons in coming was I thought this would be a good transition from my other life, when you say the desert life. And it's been a wonderful transition. Because in the desert, I will be totally without people. which I love and I like that experience. And in the silence and where I can go deep into the teachings and the wonders of nature, which we opened up to.

[68:20]

But this transition has allowed me to connect with so many wonderful souls as I'm leaving that connection and moving it to a non-connection to people. And it occurred to me that it was because I came into the weekend with a lot of heavy tired, feeling sort of exhausted with relating. But what I found here is that there's a, with all of you, there's a cleanness in the way that I've experienced interacting with you that sort of helped me release all the uncleanness that I had brought into this weekend, which then frees me more readily to fully go into my jasper tree.

[69:32]

I thank everyone. It's not too bad setting here. What I would like to ask is to be in a space to totally allow myself to feel the harm, but at the same time nothing is being harmed. So my experience is that some stories are really obvious, and those are easy to let go of, to see.

[70:57]

You know, it's just, well, you know, that's questionable at the start, so you see it. But the ones that I find difficult are the ones that aren't obvious. It's like, some of them are up on the computer screen, and here I am, I'm a story. And there are others that all you know is that the blue screen comes on and something's going on there. I guess the question is teasing those things out. Because obviously there are stories that I feel I need to let go of. For example, the fear of coming and sitting up here. I have a story that I've watched everyone come up here have a compassionate experience, but then there's this fear. And there's obviously some story that's not the story that I'm aware of. It's something else. Well, the more challenging ones, I'm suggesting to you that if you sit quietly with them,

[72:10]

And don't try to get anything with no expectation. In other words, surround the story with generosity. Just be present with it. Actually be with it generously. It will eventually tell you who you are, who it is, what it is. It will tell you its secrets. it will, you know, it will show you its light. And you said tease out, but you can tease out if it's generous, you know, generous teasing. You know, giving teasing, not teasing to control, but teasing as an offering. Or teasing as a, you know, just to see what happens kind of teasing, like come up here to see what it's like. I'll go check it out, see what it's like. Not trying to get something from it, but just, I'm going to go see what it's like. Did you want to come in and talk to us? Yeah, we do a feedback.

[73:14]

Yeah, you can come in. Come on in. So just look at the stories with this kind of generous mind and it will reveal itself to you. In other words, study everything about the story. But the challenge for me is not even having any idea of what the story is. There's obviously something there. Well, that's a story you just told. It's a certain kind of story which you find particularly troublesome, probably. So it's a tough story for you. Be generous with that one, too. Let it be very obscure and elusive and, you know, mysterious, if that's the kind of story you're into. And it seems like you are. It's the kind of guy you are. So, and that might be hard for you to be patient and generous with who you are. You might want to have different kind of stories that would be more obvious. Some other people would like to have yours and have you to have theirs.

[74:19]

But thank you for coming and sitting here. And I wanted to say something too. You know, people come up here and now we've developed sort of spontaneously a ritual here. People come up and they bow and sit down or they bow and they leave. And to some extent I feel like, what are they bowing for? Are they bowing to me? Well, sort of. They're kind of bowing to me. But maybe not. But it seems appropriate for them to bow sort of to me because I have this role of taking care of this place where you get to come and be. So this is kind of a sacred spot and I'm taking care of it. You can bow to everybody, that'd be fine too. But I am kind of like giving my time to provide this place here. So you're bowing to the one who makes a place for you, in a place for you to talk to the one who makes a place for you. So this bowing to each other seems kind of developed, and I kind of feel okay about it. And now we have a young man has come to get feedback on the weekend.

[75:30]

So please. My name is Mark, and I'm just here to receive some feedback from folks. The Navajo Center continues to improve as we receive feedback from program participants. And I just have a quick four questions, and then I'll be out of your way. And I want to let you know that I'm going to put some evaluation sheets on the table outside if you guys want to get more in-depth feedback. So first off, how were the meals? Observation. Wow. It's always a struggle for me. I want to get away all the time. I wish it weren't so crass. Okay, great.

[77:00]

Also, this was an accident, but the coffee maker, which was leaking yesterday, there was an accident yesterday, and this morning when we came, the wire was flooded, so if they would have checked it before anybody else, that is not an accident. Okay. The feet, apparently, is kind of a mystery. But it was on the whole time I was in my room. It never went off. It was 11. Yeah. I've never experienced that, but I know. You have to leave. Goodbye, Grandma. Thank you. I had a comment or a question for everybody about this new amplifier system and ethics of the word and its names and whether that's a decent reaction at all, maybe, that I've been trying to shut them off during the meditation period, but very less session.

[78:04]

Yeah, it's like this little . Yeah. Okay. The next question is in regards to the center staff. How was your experience with the center staff? Beautiful. And the last question was in regards to how you, what your experience was like within the community. We have family here, we have a school, there's a teacher.

[79:06]

Are they any other comments or things you'd like to say? Something that really stuck out as a really good thing. The introduction by the director was wonderful. Just the hospitality, really. I have another one. I really enjoy the service in the morning and the singing and playing the instrument. Oh, okay. You're very welcome. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Give me a third time. Okay, I just want to remind you guys that we're going to have food on track for you guys.

[80:18]

So, you know, don't leave until you have enough food and then immediately drive carefully. How we want it is you can be kind of alone. And we'd like to invite all of you back. Come back by yourselves and bring friends and family. We have this program for the personal retreat where you just sit back, enjoy the place, take a walk, hike through the hotbed. And you can do that after the volume up or else I would give you some time. And then thank you, Ned Anderson, for bringing this group here, bringing this up, doing the wonderful work. It's our community to have people like yourself doing that work. Thank you. This might be a good time to make an announcement about recording.

[81:22]

Okay. Up to here or up to there? Wherever you like, Paul. This is a little bit of an experimental project. This isn't something we've done before or as a routine thing, so it's a little bit chaotic because it isn't just worked out pre-planned. And it might have been easier if I had little sign-up sheets or told you what to do and everything, but it's not there, so I hope you can bear with us. I've recorded all the sessions in digital form, and I can offer them as MP3 files primarily. Reb has agreed generously that they can be posted on his website. Correct me if I'm wrong. There's a link to talks, and it'll be on the talks link.

[82:27]

Okay, so from the website, there's this talks link, and they will be MP3 files, do you know, or podcast? There seems to be a confusion over that, but we'll work it out. So that, if you have access to being able to download MP3, you should be able to get all of the files that way. If not... I'm going to propose that you email to me, and I can give you, I can produce individually CDs with the MP3 files on them and mail them back to you. And I'm doing this completely as a donation, and so I'll be asking for you to send me a check made out to Rev Anderson, which will go to him. And I guess I'm asking for a minimum donation of $20 for the one CD. More, of course, if you feel generous and feel like it's worth more to you.

[83:33]

$1,000 check, though, is acceptable. Web site. Yes. All of this is going to take a few weeks because I need to process it. I'm going to be in Tassajara for next week. And then it'll take a little while to get it onto the website also. So I thought I'd write the email address. I thought I'd write it down. Or if people don't have pens, I have some. But I made this address a while ago. It's called Rev Recording. Just R-E-B-R-E-C-O-R-D-I-N-G at linkline.com. L-I-N-K-L-I-N-E. L-I-N-G? E. Linkline. Linkline. If for some reason you've got it, you can also email to rebassistant at ffcz.org, which will be Catherine, and she can forward.

[84:39]

If for some reason that connection doesn't work, I'll give you an alternate. Okay. She can forward any requests to me, and I will respond with an email with a PO Box address at my home in Mammoth, and you send me a check, and I'll send you a CD back. Beyond the digital files, it's very tedious and time consuming to try to produce audio CDs for me. I'm not set up to do that. If there is anybody who's unable to work with the MP3 files or doesn't have access to email or whatever, please see me later and maybe we can work out something else. Paul, you think that the CD that you would provide would not be my CD? No. Maybe I need to be clear on that. The CD, it's a CD of these MP3 files.

[85:42]

Many new players and DVD players will actually play them directly. But they're actually digital computer files. These discs will not play in a regular audio music CD player. But if you have access to maybe some friends who know how to work with this stuff, they could convert it for you or whatever. But if there's no alternative, email me or talk to me later. I might be able to make one or two. It's a huge stack. Don't do it, Paul. It's too much work for you. or that if you use a robot or any computer, if you have a computer with a disk in it, you'd be able to play a game. It plays on any computer and also plays on iPods or any of these other little digital things, some of which cost like 50 bucks now.

[86:47]

So if you, what? You found one? For 20. For 20, yeah. MP3 is, so you should be able to find a device that could play it and maybe somebody could take it from the computer disk onto the device. If you have iPod, you can use the iPod. Yeah, yes. Yeah. So I wanted to mention about the jewel mirror and everything you look at is really a jewel mirror. Even your stories are jewel mirrors if you understand that what you're looking at is you and also not you.

[87:59]

And then the instruction is that, you know, right in the darkness of the mirror is the light and right in the light of the mirror is darkness. But if it's dark, you don't try to see the light. And if it's light, you don't try to see the dark. In other words, you're generous with what you're given here. It also says that It also says, I mean, there's a text about this jewel mirror. And the text about the jewel mirror awareness says that if you're excited, it becomes a pitfall. And if you hesitate, you're lost. So you have to develop this way of looking at your stories where you're not getting excited about them and you're not hesitating. Somebody says, hey, you, Or what is it? How do you meet that?

[89:08]

Generously, without getting excited or hesitant. In that space, you can see that what you're looking at is not you, but actually is you. And usually we're looking at, if you look inwardly, you're looking at your story, so you can see your story. If you're looking outwardly, you're seeing your story outwardly. You have a story of this, but actually it's inside. So this is how to work with this jewel mirror, but you have to be not excited or hesitant. Otherwise, you fall into pits or feel left out. I started getting excited.

[90:20]

About a half an hour ago I started thinking about coming forward and I was thinking I hadn't really had any stories. I was feeling pretty free of stories, and then I saw that was a story. And then I could see what the stories I was having were, which were that I really have plenty of opportunity to come forward and meet the teacher. so that it wasn't my turn or my place to come forward in this setting because most of everybody here doesn't have that much opportunity. And then I felt I also had the story, I lost the second one, but there was one related to it. Maybe it'll come back. But then I was wanting to come forward. And maybe this was the second story.

[91:22]

Suddenly, a lot of people who were not coming forward until the last minute were coming forward. And that's when I started to get excited because I started to fear that I wouldn't have the opportunity to come forward. And I saw this restless, energetic impatience. I felt this in my body, this wish to come forward that wasn't there really out of this wish to be here with everybody. Oh, and the other story I was having that I found when I realized I did have some stories was I don't know what my job is, so there's a part of me that's wondering if I'm doing my job constantly or frequently. Or if there's something, as I said to Paul, I always feel like there's something I need to be doing, but I don't know what it is.

[92:22]

And Paul said, well, yes, that's our condition in the universe. And I said, well, I meant specifically, and I was praying at Rev's door. So that's my question. Thank you. Are you generous with this situation? My story is that I'm generous with this situation. Are you enjoying being generous with it? Yes? Oh, yes. Thank you, Kaplan. I've also been excited and scared for about half an hour because I wanted to come up. And I told myself a lot of stories about how I probably came up once, I think.

[93:26]

And when Catherine was here experiencing the difference between those seats and this one, I was trying to figure out how I can take the experience or create the experience of this seat when I'm not here with you. And then I saw that I was trying to hold on to this experience. Didn't make it a lot better, but I said that didn't make it a lot better. Did you hear what you said before? No. How far back? Well, I think that key point about... Did you hear what she said? She was considering how she could feel what she feels when she's sitting here in other places that don't seem... that aren't exactly here. Well, I'd like to. I'd like to be able to... And what is it about this that you'd like to be experiencing throughout your day?

[94:31]

I'd like to feel... Connected and maybe in the wake of your wisdom. Connected in the wake of the wisdom? Yeah. Yeah. You'd like to feel that all day? I'd like to. Or maybe not all day, but quite frequently. That would be good. With a few breaks perhaps here and there? Probably once a break if I felt that all day. Yeah. Yeah. So that was one thing she said. And then? And then I realized that I was trying to hold on to this experience, that if I try to recreate this experience at home, in my world, moment to moment, I'll be missing the experience that I might be having in that moment. When you come up here and sit here, do you feel like you're... that the practice of generosity was alive?

[95:47]

Or is alive now? Do you feel the practice of generosity is alive now? In some way. in some way? Yeah, I'm feeling fear right now because I want to say something that I'm telling myself that's scary. You're feeling fear because you're about to say something that you're afraid to say? Uh-huh. And you're having a little trouble being generous around that? Yeah. The thing that I wanted to explore, it's a story I don't know if I'm quite ready to be done with, but it's a story that I have. And the way I've told it sometimes in the past is that I love to be around people. My favorite image of how to do that is I go to the farmer's market, and there's all this joyful energy and fresh produce, and I like to weave my way in and out, but I don't really interact with anybody.

[96:55]

I'm just with people, and I like that. But I'm aware that it's kind of what I, at least up to this moment, in the way I have to adhere, is I come up here and I'm visible, but I don't really let you all in. And if people have been talking, and if you've been talking about the way we all support each other, the way the universe supports the whole universe. Yes. And I've been feeling moments of being connected with other people here, which brings me joy and fear. And so as an experiment, I was wondering if we might do the thing that we did when we started, where we went around and said our names.

[98:02]

I would really like to do that because I would like to recognize each person here and the way we're supporting each other and feel that. So I wondered if we might do that. I'm happy to do that again. I would like to go sit over there when we do it so that I can harder the circle. Okay. Okay. after many years of going to a place that's set up to feel like you're in a place that's set up to feel like you're in a place like someone came to me and said at a session at Green Gulch someone came to me and said in my little room she said thanks for providing thanks for being here and caring for a place where people can feel like they're here

[99:21]

a place that's set up to help people feel like they're in the place they are rather than setting up places which tell you to go someplace else quickly and spend money and then you'll be a success. After many years of coming to a place that's set up to help you feel like you're in the place you are without holding on to that you feel like you're in that place without, you know, you just you more and more feel like you live in that place because you have been actually living in that place repeatedly and it starts to sink in that you're always in that place

[100:06]

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