has a lot of good sense. I hope you'll help him along the way. Later I'm sure he will shape up into a fine big tree that will make cool shade for the people." When the master came to take leave of Wang Bo, Wang Bo said, he mustn't think of going anywhere else. Just go to Dayu's place by the river rapids of Galan. He will surely explain things for you." So then he goes to Dayu's place and Dayu says, where are you from? And he says, I'm from . And Dayu said, well, what did he say?

[01:04]

And Renji said, three times I asked him what the true essential meaning of the Buddha Dharma was, and three times he hit me. And I don't know if I was . And Dayu said, Wang Bo exhausted himself for your sake. He showed you the greatest grandmotherly kindness. And yet you come back if you're at fault or not. And at hearing those words, Linji had his great enlightenment. So this translation says, after he was enlightened, he said, there wasn't really anything so hard about Wang Bo's teaching after all.

[02:39]

Another translation is, now I see there's not much to Wang Bo's Zen. And then Dayu says, you bedwetting little brat, a few minutes ago, or a while ago, you were whether you were at fault or not. And now you say there's not much to Wang Bo's teaching. And then he grabbed, Dayu grabbed Linji and held him and said, you know, speak, speak. And Linji punched him in the side three times. And Dayu let go of him and said, that may be so, but it has nothing to do with me. And then Wang Bo, I mean, Linji went back to Wang Bo, saw him and said, coming, going, coming, going, will this never end?

[03:46]

And there's a place right over here, Grace, right there. Coming, and will this never end? And Linji says, It's just because of your great kindness and great compassion." And Wang Bo said, well, what happened? And he said, what happened at Da Yu's place? And Wang Bo said, that old guy's too talkative. The next time I see him, I'm going to give him a slap. And Linji said, why wait? And slapped Wang Bo. And Wang Bo said, lunatic.

[04:51]

You think you can come here and pull on the tiger's whiskers? And Linji shouted at him. And he said, attendant to the zendo. This is the translation of the Linji Lu, which means the record of Linji. So it has in here this story that I just read, I just recited anyway, and it's got a number of other stories and it's got a number of his teachings. So this is like the... This is the most commonly read, probably, record of Linji, the main one. But there's other records, too.

[05:53]

And in here, after this story, and after a number of these stories that have come, then two contemporary teachers with Linji and Wang Bo are Guishan and Yangshan. Guishan, I'm not sure of his age relative to Wanbo, but they're both disciples of Baijong Waihai. So they both had this very important teacher named Baijong. And Baijong is the person, of course, in the story of the wild fox. So after the story then word gets out about what happened here. These days we're more careful.

[07:07]

We don't necessarily spread rumors about people getting enlightened. Have you noticed, Bernard? Yeah, you didn't notice. No, I didn't hear you. You didn't hear me. We don't so often spread rumors of people being enlightened. Unfortunately, we spread rumors of them not being enlightened, which we should stop. But anyway, I'm not saying we should, but in those days apparently there was, like people would say, did you hear what happened to Lin Ji over at Wong Bo's place? So Guishan and Yangshan heard about this, I guess. Yes. And there's a number of interactions between, apparently there's a number of interactions between Wang Bo and Lin Ji that get out enough so that we also have records of what contemporary masters are feeling about the stories about these two, the student-teacher situation.

[08:11]

Like, you know, like, We don't have stories of like the Dalai Lama interacting with one of his students and then that story spreading around and then like another one of their interactions. We might have a story about like, I don't know, Dalai Lama meeting the Pope or something and what they said. That would be in some ways equivalent except these people are not like big officials in a big Well, actually, Wong Bo is a big official in a big hierarchy, but not as big. Like, he's head of a big monastery, but... Susan, there's a place up closer here, if you'd like, to be up there. Right there. So... So in this case, we have the comment of these other teachers on the interactions between the student and teacher.

[09:37]

And this is a Guishan very important student-teacher relationship, and Linji and Wangbo, another very important student-teacher relationship. So then after they heard about this, Guishan related this story to Yangshan and asked him, at that time, was Linji indebted to Dayu or was he indebted to Wang Bo? And Yangshan said, he not only rode on the tiger's head, but to tweak the tiger's tail as well. And then I'd also told a story about me counting people in Japanese.

[10:46]

Did you hear about that? I've heard you say that before. But you didn't hear about it until last week. Did you hear about it? And I gave that story, you know, To tell you the truth, when I gave it, I didn't understand what an excellent reflection it was of the previous story. I realized, I think, when I was telling it, wow, this is like a very nice reflection of the previous story. Did you like that reflection? So I asked people if they saw themselves, if they could see their story, their life story, in the story of Linji. I didn't ask if they could see it in the story of me and Suzuki Roshi, but anyway, some people came up and expressed how they kind of could see their story in the ancient story, or see the ancient story in the stories of their practice.

[11:59]

And also some people who came up after the class, later than the class, and also told me of how they saw themselves reflected in the story. And I thought I'd mention one of these stories, and if the person who told me would like to come up and take over while I'm telling, they're welcome to do so. Also, if that person wants me to stop telling the story, they can tell me to stop. So the person who said that in that story she saw herself reflected. And what she saw was she saw Linji hiding. And so she saw herself. She saw herself in his hiding that she also hides, hangs back. She didn't say that she saw herself in his hiding. you know, his excellent studentship, his sincere, straightforward diligence and all that.

[13:14]

She didn't say that part. But she said she saw it in the hiding part. And then she said she also reflected in the sense that she's in hiding and then she comes out in the open and then gets hit. And then she goes back into hiding. And then something forces her to come out of hiding and then she gets hit and she goes back. And another thing she said was that she saw that when she comes out she gets hit at her point of attachment. And she reminded me of the teacher who says that when you do, when you practice, like when you practice right action or right speech or right livelihood, for example, these activities are meritorious.

[14:15]

And the merit matures or comes out of attachment. Also, if you practice wrong action, wrong speech, and wrong livelihood, that's demeritorious, and the demerit comes back to the point of attachment. So in one of the sutras called The Great Forty, where it talks about the Eightfold Path, you know, like Right view, right intention, right action, right speech, right livelihood. one time where it says when you do these practices that has merit and the merit matures at the point of attachment but then it goes through the eightfold path again but the second time it goes through the noble eightfold path and when it goes through the noble eightfold path it doesn't say that the merits are meritorious and that the merit matures at the point of attachment.

[15:24]

It doesn't say it. Now it doesn't say they're not meritorious, but in a way they're not really meritorious in the sense of creating karma which comes back to you. Because there's no point of attachment in the Noble Eightfold Path. So the good results don't come back to the point of attachment because there isn't one. But when there's a point of attachment, the merit of our stories, the merit of our karma, comes back to the point of attachment. And the person also said that she noticed that the point of attachment in a lot of her stories is around pleasure. And so she gets hit at the attachment to pleasure. And I thought maybe I'd mention before I ask more reflections that people would like to share or offer.

[16:44]

Just to say that... Oh, yeah, somebody else said this last weekend. They said... ...opportunity to stay back in the group. or come forward. And one person came forward and sat down and he said, I've been debating about whether to come up, about which would be more painful, to stay back or come up. Staying back is kind of like more long pain. Coming up is more like acute pain. But he said also that staying back is more familiar and coming up is not so familiar. So there's a lot to be said for doing the unfamiliar thing. So you come up and you have a story about, you bring your story up and plus you maybe come up and express your story.

[17:56]

And if there's some point of attachment, it might help highlight the point of attachment that that might happen in a lot of these stories, these Zen stories. When you're in hiding, you're so familiar with it, you might not notice your point of attachment except that you don't want to come out. But coming out may help flush out your point of attachment. Expressing something with people watching, you might be able to see the place you're sticking. And then hopefully your story, your karma, in your story about how your story relates to the ancient stories, your stories out there. And then I'm generally these days recommending that once you bring your story into view, then surround your story with, as we say, a big field, a big aura.

[19:02]

where you really let your story, including that you're stuck at some point, and merit or demerit are coming back to that point. Or maybe you don't even see that the merit's coming back, but you see it's a bad story. It's a story about how bad I am, how unskillful I am. Or it's a story about my relationship with people which looks really bad or looks really good. So it could be a very good story about your relationship, like it could be a story about how, you know, how you're just or you're just like Guishan or maybe you're just like Linji after his enlightenment. A lot of possibilities. Or how you used to be like Linji but then you had an experience like Linji and now you're like Linji in the later part of the story. You could have all those kinds of stories about yourself and then and then surround that story with generosity, and then I'm suggesting to you, I'm telling you the story, that if you surround your stories with generosity, your stories will... and you will become freed from your stories.

[20:25]

And I think that's one story I would tell about what happened in this story, that Linji had a story about himself. His story was that he was sincerely, happily practicing an excellent monk. And masters in the temple thought he was an excellent monk, but he wasn't coming forward. He wasn't yet bringing his story into the light of meditation. did, he found the sticking points. The teacher helped him find the sticking points. And then the next teacher helped him find a sticking point. And then the next teacher helped him surround his sticking point with warmth and generosity. And in that situation, he went through it. Was the sticking point being hit or not being hit? Or was the sticking point being at fault or not? I think the sticking point was, yeah, I think the sticking point was, was I at fault or not?

[21:37]

Dash, was what Wang Bo was doing at fault or not? Was what he was doing compassion? Was he saying good boy or was he saying bad boy? And if he was saying good boy, how come he, you know, he maybe had a story that you don't say good boy by hitting a person repeatedly. Anyway, he had a story that he had enough of that particular practice with this teacher, it looks like. He didn't want to do it anymore. That was his story. He wasn't interested, I guess. Or maybe we can make up a lot of stories about that, but somehow he was getting hit at some point. So one theory is, I'm making a mistake. he was kind of stuck on trying to grasp what was going on. Am I doing okay or not? And he was kind of like hung up on that. And hung up to such a point he didn't even want to be around that hang-up anymore.

[22:38]

He wanted to go someplace to deal with this question, maybe. Chronic pain. Chronic pain, yeah. And he had probably chronic pain before he went to see the teacher too, but he didn't notice it. But his head monk, he said, this is a great person, but he's in pain. He's not, you know, he's not free. So Dayu helps, helps create this feeling of around the story and in that environment he can wake up. What exactly do you mean by generosity? I guess what I mean exactly by generosity is I'll say leave the way to the way.

[23:42]

That's what I mean. To give people to themselves to give yourself to yourself, to give your karma to your karma, to give your stories to your story. That's basically what I mean by giving. I'm not sure I know what you mean by that. Yeah, it's... Letting it be? Letting it be? It's more than letting it be. Like... Is it having faith? Pardon? Is it having faith? Faith? I wouldn't say it doesn't have faith. You said accepting whatever it is. Lynn said letting it be. It's more than that. Like you can accept, like for example, for all I know, you accepted today as Monday. Do you? Okay. Yeah, I do too. But did you give Monday to Monday?

[24:45]

Did you give Monday to Monday? Okay. I don't think you did. Well, yeah, you might not have, especially since you're not saying... When you give money... What I mean is practice giving. Actually, you did give money to Monday. You did, but you didn't notice it, it looks like. You don't sound like you woke up and said, it's Monday, I give Monday to Monday. Doesn't sound like you did that. And maybe nobody in this room did that. Maybe not yet during the whole day is anybody in this room given Monday to Monday. So all of us miss the opportunity to be generous in that way. Everybody you meet, you can just let them be, which is fine, but then you can go beyond that and say, I give you to you. You don't have to say it out loud, but you feel to you. I let you be you as a gift. So, Just try it right now, see if you can feel the difference between, for example, letting me be me and giving me to me.

[25:55]

See if you can feel the difference. Can you feel it, Shirley? Do you know Shirley? Can you feel it, Cheryl? The difference? No. What, can you feel it inexactly? I personally can feel the difference between somebody walks down the street, and I let them walk down the street, and me feeling like I'm supporting them totally. I'm giving them to themselves. What is engagement? It's a further level of engagement. Also, what is it? it creates an environment around the person which is more warm than just letting them be. It's more than just saying, okay, you can be that way.

[26:59]

It is creating which you can see through your story of them. And even before you can see your story of them, they have a chance to feel your effort And then they can stop that same effort. And if they practice that same effort, they can see through their story of themselves. And that's part of the difference between just letting somebody be and letting them be in a way that will show them how to be free. Is there a difference between accepting somebody for how they are or supporting them in how they are? It's the difference between accepting somebody how they are and supporting how they are and practicing that. Because you do accept people and you do support people.

[27:59]

When you practice it, you may not notice it, especially people who you don't like, especially people who are hurting themselves or doing something that makes you feel pain. You may not feel like, you may not feel like, I'm really generous with that person. So I have a story that all of you are generous beings nonstop. And I also have a story that not all of you are practicing that. And therefore, not all of you are aware of that. Not all of you realize that you're generous. And if you don't realize that you're generous, then I would say you probably will not realize that other people are generous. But if you realize how totally generous you are, you will realize how generous other people are.

[29:01]

And you will see that some of the people who are generous don't know it. and that they usually don't know it by giving you the gift, by generously giving you the gift of looking like they're in pain or distracting themselves. Generous people who don't know it are more or less frightened and suffering. Does that make any sense to you, Cheryl? Yes, Bill? I'm relating to the beginning of the story where the monk sees him. Could you speak up? Where the monk sees the student. Could you speak up? Okay, so I'm relating to the student.

[30:17]

Going to a teacher sounds to me like fun, interesting, exciting, but I have no question, or I think I have no question. That could be another version of the story. And I see that the... head monk gave him a question, so he felt like he had a question, and then went forth. Yeah. So, do you feel like a teacher but you don't have a question? Exactly. Really? Well, guess what, you don't have to have one. Thank you. You're welcome. Yes? Yes? Can you hear? I'm sorry. Yes.

[31:42]

Yeah, we moved Manjushri to the tea house while we were building, while we were remodeling this room. Yeah, and I was talking to you and I said, I just really, I don't know if I have very much to say today or asking anything. And you said, that's okay, just as long as you know it's really... And then I had a question also about the pain when you said, one of the monks said, this is a good monk, but he's in pain, he's not free. Wouldn't you still be in pain even if you were, I mean, but you wouldn't be. I was, I didn't understand that. Oh, are you saying, wouldn't you be in pain even if you were free? Yeah. Yeah, but the reason... Oh, no, I didn't mean that kind of pain. Shakyamuni Buddha was free but still could have pain. Yeah. I meant more like suffering, you know.

[32:45]

And so I think people who are free can still have pain, but they're not really like, they're not really, what do you call it, they're not oppressed by it or hindered. Because the pain that people who are free have is the pain they feel for the people they're free to love. They feel pain because they love people. And they're happy to feel pain for people they love. They feel funny if they love someone and the person's in pain. They feel wacko if that didn't bother them. But anyway, it does bother them, so they're happy. So that kind of pain can go with being free. But not being free goes with another kind of pain, a pain where you don't have the full function of your generosity, for example. So I understand that this is a radical understanding of generosity and, yeah, it's

[33:57]

It could be the meaning of generosity is not to be necessarily passing material things back and forth, but before any of that's going on, and while that's going on, you're giving things to themselves, that you're giving the way. that you realize in the Buddha way by letting the Buddha way, by leaving the Buddha way to itself generously as giving. So this is a way to work with your stories. And does anybody else have this story? Does anybody else see themselves in this story that they'd like to share at this time with the group? Yes. I think I'm like Lin Chi because I say I'm wondering about whose fault it is.

[35:08]

What's my fault? I don't want to make a mistake. You don't want to make a mistake, yeah. And also you're wondering if maybe you are making a mistake sometimes? I think if I don't do anything, I won't make a mistake. Oh, uh-huh. Yes. So that could be seen in this story, that way. Okay, that's good that you... So there's a nice story to be generous with, the story of, if I don't do anything, I might not make a mistake. And also there's another story to be generous with, is I don't want to make a mistake. And then there's another story which you didn't say, which is, I'm afraid to make a mistake. I don't know if that's one of your stories. Yes. Yeah. So I don't want to make a mistake, and I'm afraid to make a mistake. So those are perfectly good stories. I mean, perfectly good opportunities for enlightenment, those stories. Those are karmas. Those are karmas which she's telling us about.

[36:11]

Karmic consciousnesses which she's disclosing. And then if you can bring those out in the open and create this generous environment around them in your heart and mind, and take care of those stories, not trying to get rid of them, not trying to jazz them up, although they might go away, and they might... But, you know, that's not the practice, that's just more karma. So you watch the stories go through their changes, or even you watch a story which seems like it's not changing, but you surround that with generosity. And it will turn into light. it will, what do you call it, it will disrobe itself. It will take off its mask. And as Kafka says, it will roll at your feet in ecstasy.

[37:16]

So you've brought it out now. Now everybody can be generous to her story and that may help you be generous to your story too. She seems very happy about it. She looks kind of happy now. Yeah, I'm going to roll back my scene. You can also see the generosity she's... Say again? You can see the generosity she's having towards herself. That movie. So you have a story of her having generosity, okay? And then you can be generous with your story. And of course you can also be generous with... Generous with your story means generous with your story of her, which is generous with what you think she is. And then you can see... You can see... You can go beyond your story that she's generous with herself now.

[38:26]

If you're generous with her generosity... And generous with yourself for making this story. Not approving or disapproving, but generous with every story you make about everybody you meet. So I make a story that this person's sub-hunky-dory. I make a story that this person's way above average. whatever story I make about you, that's a story, and I can be generous to and then I can get over my story. So, I was just thinking, you know, that, you know, this, the head monk here in this story, he's the monk who kind of whom the great master Yen Man was enlightened. I'll tell you that story later, but I just want to say that Yen Man said, all of you have light.

[39:29]

But if you look for it, it's dark and dim and you can't see it. And then he said, what is your light? And he said, the kitchen pantry, the zendo, the front gate. And then later he said, the best thing's not as good as nothing. In other words, the best story, the best karma isn't as good as seeing through it. Some people have some really good stories, which is great. I mean, congratulations. But it's not as good as seeing through them. Of course, some people have some terrible stories. I sympathize. Some people have got some really bad stories about themselves, and even worse stories about other people. That's too bad. It's really sorry for you. Not sorry. Lo siento. I like Spanish. Lo siento.

[40:34]

which is translated as I'm sorry, but more like I feel it. I feel how that would be bad about yourself. Tough. But if you're generous with that story, you'll get free of it. Is that seeing through it? Being generous with it? No. Being generous sets the stage. So again, I'm thinking of... this teaching in Zen Mind Beginner's Mind where Sukhriya she talks about if you want to control a cow but I would say if you want to turn a cow into light The worst thing to do is ignore it. A story like, I don't know what, I'm afraid to make a mistake, or another story would be, I never make a mistake. Another story would be, I always make mistakes, or I hate people, and I hate people who make mistakes. These kind of stories. Or, I'm doing okay.

[41:36]

That's another cow. That's another cow. Whatever story you've got, that's the cow. The worst thing to do is ignore the cow. If you ignore your story, it'll get heavier and darker and twist you more out of shape. Next best is try to control your story, like try to make it better or get rid of it. That's better than ignoring it because at least you see it. At least you got it out there, like, I got this bad story, I wish it was different. A lot of people come and say, here's my story. Well, at least they got the story out there. And then we can get more clear about what the story is and then still trying to control it while you're getting clearer, though. But then the best way is to give it a big field. And in that big field the story will evolve

[42:39]

Tamed by that generosity, the generosity will tame the story into radiance, into wisdom. The generosity is training in non-discrimination. The cow is over on this side of the field, the cow is over on that side of the field, the cow is outstanding in its field. Whatever you say, you know, about the cow, whatever story is there, you give that story to itself and the situation evolves positively, positively, more and more positively, until finally, no matter how positive, the best, nothing's as good as it leaping beyond itself. So the generosity sets the stage for leaping. He can say after the generosity, but I would say after the generosity.

[43:41]

In the context of generosity, our stories will evolve. They'll get better and better. And the generosity will get better and better. And then finally, they will burn up, or basically... can't really get a hold of any of those stories. So that would be, that's the fruit. The fruit of this practice is enlightenment. And also you don't have to practice generosity all by yourself. Like in this story, when Ji was trying to practice generosity and Da Yu helped him. that very generous environment to bring the story out in the open, to bring his story out in the open and surround it by warmth so he could see through it. And he did see through it. He woke up from, you know, whatever story you want to tell, whatever story you want to tell.

[44:41]

Bill's story about it was a little bit different than my story, although I think perfectly, equally good. And you can see yourself in whatever story you tell or not story. If you don't see yourself in the story, you still see yourself in the story. If you say, I'm not in this story, I'm in that story. So you bring your story up and study it in a generous environment. And that will be good pretty soon. . Is your name Jeff? Yes. That's what I thought. Yes, you had a question? Challenging your story, being generous with your story.

[45:43]

Is challenging your story being generous with your story? And I would say, basically, whatever you do with your story is generous. But do you feel like it? Do I feel like challenging it? Or do I feel like the story? Do you feel, well, you do feel like your story. Do you feel like challenging your story is generous? Absolutely. Yeah. So if you feel like it is, then I would say yes. And do you feel joy in that generosity, that challenging generosity, that generosity of challenge? Yes. Yeah, so I'd say that sounds like it is. And if you continue, be generous with your continuing, and if you don't, be generous with that. Okay? Thank you. You're welcome. Please come. Please come. Is your name John? Actually, it is, but everybody calls me Michael.

[46:48]

Okay. Which is my middle name. But John's your real name? John is my first name, but I was always called Mike, which is my middle name. Okay. It's intuitive. My question is... Thanks for telling me your story. I'm going to now. Okay. My story is that I always have trouble with right livelihood. I'm eating fear. And so the latest teaching for me to work with, that I've been working with, but I'd just like to hear what you have to say about it, is not making anything of my fear, but just feel the pain. Right, because it comes at me all the time. And so I think that that makes sense, but I'm also open to see what else is going on.

[47:59]

What makes sense? You got the pain, and what makes sense with the pain? It's like I'm getting somewhere. I didn't follow that. Feeling the pain and not getting wrapped up into my intellectual story about whatever's going on. Some event happens with a client or whatever. And I'll have the opportunity to get rolling with it intellectually. And start to go, stop. Stop. and just feel the pain and then just go as best I can. And the sooner that I get through that cycle, the sooner I get back to where I have like a level vision about life and I'm not caught with the scenario. But I also understand that thing looks like to me that at some point,

[49:05]

I'll be able to go in the moment right then and be able to see it as a thought and jump it. But I'm just you have to say about that. Well, here are a couple of things. One thing I heard is that you said that sometimes you feel pain. And that you were thinking that maybe it would be good when you feel pain just to immediately feel it. And just, you know... Be with it. ...in the open and feel it. Not ignore it by talking about it a lot. Or make it even more of a thing. Well, that's what I mean. Make it more of a thing, but then slightly bring yourself Try not to do that. But right away, if possible, just feel it right away.

[50:06]

And then I would add to that, be generous with it. Not feel it, yes, because it's a pain. Feel the pain or feel the fear. Recognize the fear. Get it out in the open. And then take one step more and be generous with it. Like, give yourself to it. Like you would for the child. Don't try to, don't intellectualize for the child. Don't tell it stories about how it's really not a problem. Don't say, don't try to distract it and tease it and kid around with it and say, do you want an ice cream cone or something? Just like, first of all, be with this suffering, this fear. Just be with it. So, realize that this is a very generous way to be with this thing, that you're with it and you're going to let it be.

[51:12]

You're really going to let it be and you're really going to make that a gift. The next step would be that if you do not do what we just said and you flip into this thing of intellectualizing it, and making more of it. But there too, when you see that... Give yourself a break. Give yourself a big break. So that's a different kind of cow. It's a more derivative cow. Yeah, I got lost. It sucked me in. Yeah, okay. Because you can also see a child who's afraid, and then you can see a child who gets carried away with the fear. And sometimes your generosity towards the child... with their first pain doesn't stop them from flipping into elaborating on it. So you practice with that too. So if you miss the beginning, start later.

[52:16]

Or even if you start at the beginning but you can't stop the habit of elaborating, just keep making a space for this thing. And you will gradually notice that... It's shifting. You'll notice that it's shifting. It is shifting, but you'll notice that it's shifting. Actually, it is shifting, and it itself is a generous coming to you to help you realize your generosity. Without these challenges, we may not notice that we're generous. And with them, we may not, too. But everything's coming to us and asking us to be generous. The universe is giving us gifts to help us wake up to how generous we are to the universe. And sometimes it's giving us gifts which are saying, you know, you realize how generous you are. And you say, yeah, that's right, I do.

[53:18]

It's great. Thank you. You don't realize it, do you? And you say, no, I don't. I don't see that I'm being generous right now. I think I'm barely accepting the situation. But even when you're barely accepting the situation, you're still helping everybody. And those who are wise realize you're helping those who are not, don't. Thanks. You're welcome. Thank you. Yes, yes, everybody come up. Just come up. You don't have to wait. Just try not to step on the board, please. Well, I've been getting a gift, I guess.

[54:20]

Great discomfort. And in the story, I feel related to wanting to stay far away from the teacher or from... And really, ever since I signed up for this class, I felt... something, like afraid or wanting to think of why I couldn't come. Thank you for that gift. This is like a big gift to me. I feel it's a big gift to me, too. It feels big. Yeah, it seems really big. This is like, geez, you sign up for a calling class and all this stuff comes with it. It's amazing. It's not just you. It's not just me? No. What do you mean it's not just me?

[55:24]

I don't know what, I don't really even know what my story is, except that I feel afraid of something. I feel really afraid of something. Let's bring that story out then. The story is, I don't know what my story is, but I have a story that I'm afraid of. That's a perfectly good story. Yeah. And I want to keep everything away. Yeah, I have a story that I want to keep everything away. And did you also have a story that even though you want to keep everything away, you did come up here and tell us about that? And I came. Yes? I came. You keep coming. Even though... Yeah, that's part of your story too. I want to keep everybody away, but I keep coming. And now I've come up sort of out and forth. I've come forth to say that part of me doesn't want to come forth. And you're saying, I don't know what I'm afraid of exactly. Yeah, I think it feels something like I'm afraid I'm going to lose myself.

[56:27]

you're afraid you're going to lose yourself. That's a story. That's a kind of a, you know, a lot of people think, oh, I'm in a situation, I might lose myself. That's karma. Thinking of yourself in that way, related, think I'm going to lose myself, that's karma. And then And then you act on that one way or another. And thinking that way has consequence. That's the story. Now you're starting to, it seems to be that you're starting to like bring it out in the open and consider being generous with it. Being generous with the story and the fear that comes with it. Is that right? Yeah. When that story is present in its full force, it feels like it's so big, you know, that I have to be really big to be generous.

[57:32]

Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. All right. And so, and that's why it's good to practice the weak and with situations that aren't so big because if you try to start practicing generosity with huge fear, it's hard to like just flat-footed open to that. So it's good to be practicing it all the time with less difficult situations. And I feel that I do that, but maybe something in between. Something in between? Well, I mean, I feel that I practice receiving what comes to me and surrounding it. But this is probably a major... This is a step up in the practice. This is a little bit more than you're used to.

[58:33]

So now you have a chance to give it a bigger field. Make a big field around a more obnoxious cow. A bull. Yeah. Okay. Was somebody else going to come up? Well, part of my story is I get hung up on small details. And in this story, I think I could plausibly relate to most of the people in it, except for Linji.

[59:38]

And... I guess the idea of having somebody give you a question to go to the teacher with, I get the part about go see the teacher, but to actually literally, and here's a question, I was having trouble with that story and having him earnestly ask that question. And I also wondered why, and I guess we have the benefit of having read or heard about Zen stories through the years or hit each other, and I was just curious why he, you know, assumed, you know, that getting hit was, you know, a condemnation of some kind. I think, like, a good portion of the people here, if they went to see the teacher, the teacher struck them, I think a good chunk of them on the right track or have some positive association with that.

[60:45]

At the time Linji lived, this hitting thing had just sort of, it was like breaking news. There are almost no stories of Buddhist teachers hitting people before the time right around his life. So, like, his teacher, Wang Bo, and then Bai Zhang, and then Matsu. Matsu, I think, is the first in all these Zen histories, the first one I ever heard of who hit anybody. Like, Matsu yelled at... And he yelled so loud that Baijiong was deaf for three days. And when Wang Bo heard that story, when Baijiong told Wang Bo that story, Wang Bo went, stuck his tongue out in kind of awe.

[62:03]

And he was like, he was totally shocked that his teacher's teacher would yell at him that loud. And then, to that, Bai Zhang said, you will be a great teacher someday. And Wang Wei said, don't say that about me. He said, why not? Because then I won't have any successors. But I'm just saying that at that time in the history of Buddhism in China, it totally shocked this Wang Bo guy that his teacher's teacher would yell at him like that. Also, his teacher was walking with his teacher and the teacher said to him, some wild geese flew by and he said, you know, what was that?

[63:09]

And he said, wild geese. And he said, where'd they go? And he said, they flew away. And he took his nose and twisted it real hard. And he cried out in pain. But he was very happy afterwards. So this kind of thing was really unusual. And although people were hearing about it, it was still really unusual, kind of like shocking news in the Buddhist Sangha in China. And the fact that it was done by these great masters and sometimes successful awakening followed, it was like really new. And Linji then practiced that way himself. He did that thing himself. You know, it was over. There was almost no more hitting that was any good. And so now, people hit, Zen people hit people, but it's like no good.

[64:16]

It's like they're just copying. They're fine about it because they think they're practicing Zen. Because the teacher hit them and they heard, well, it's just like Linji. But, you know, it's usually no good. Usually, no good. Usually it's not coming. You know, this understanding that where it emerged originally. Where it emerged originally. But I also, when you look in this story, The way you see it is that you are not a person who would want somebody to come and tell you what question to go ask the teacher. That's how you see yourself, by not being that way. Whereas Bill, he kind of liked to have a head monk like that when Tom went to ask. But he didn't get a head monk like that.

[65:19]

He didn't have to ask a question. So, Still you can see yourself in the story by how you're different from Linji. And then that's your story about how you would be back in the Tang Dynasty with Wang Bo. And then you can study that and wake up from that, from your story about the kind of guy you are. I felt I understood the story, but I didn't see myself in it until maybe about 20 minutes ago, a little point in it where I... Didn't you see yourself last week?

[66:22]

In it? Did I? Well, I don't remember. Anyway, but now you see yourself a new way. Yeah, I seriously don't remember. But anyway, you seriously don't remember that's your story. Yeah. And I'm not seriously into it, although I do have a different story. Okay. But now anyway, you have a new story. There's a point where it's like, you know, it's like a story that I'm afraid I can't be generous with myself with. That's coming up now? Yes. You're afraid you can't be generous. With this story. Can you be generous with being afraid that you can't be generous? A little bit? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And this was the point that I hadn't seen was, I can't say people's names in the story. It's one book. Linji? Linji. Yeah. That for Linji to look good, be a good student, and maybe possibly think that he was doing his best, and he was the best, and he couldn't do any better, and he was just doing his best, and to go to the Master and get hit, and to have to come back and live with that, and rumors of what happened, you know, that fall from grace, that humiliation.

[67:48]

So that was a big, drove me, you know, so powerfully that I had to do anything rather than have that humiliation. So that's where I saw myself in that story. And then, I mean, and now? I have not let go of that story. Right, and now? And now. Now that you haven't? I confess that story. Yeah, good. And now? It's a good thing, and it sticks, and it sticks. When I was sitting over there, I recognized the story, and then the fear came that that was just a quirk, unstoppable fear that I didn't want to face. That's a nice story. The cork story? The cork story. The cork on top of the volcano story?

[68:50]

Yes, and very much volcano, like anger. I mean, you can't even say it as big as it is. Volcano's good. Good. Now what should we do? How should we proceed with this situation? I'm really afraid to be unacceptable. With the story. Yeah, okay, well, and how are we going to practice with that fear of being unacceptable with the story? Do we like, we're going to like it? Yeah. We're going to like it? Mm-hmm. Well, from a generous position, I would say don't like it. Okay, don't like it. Don't like it. I mean, don't like it and don't not like it. I would say love it. Mm-hmm. Love it like loving somebody who's afraid of not being acceptable. But you don't like that they're afraid of not being acceptable.

[69:53]

You don't like it. But you don't hate it. You are generous with it. Because we don't want to get this person to stay that way and we don't want to try to get the person to change. We want to get the person to wake up. Yes. I mean, I have a story that I've hated this so much. If you want to come up, you can come up. Come up over here. Here's Jane. She's coming up. I just wanted to make a request, a suggestion to you to breathe. Thank you. You're welcome. So I'm actually... Acceptable, you know, is okay. Acceptable is like, let people be.

[70:54]

But of course I want people to be generous with you. Not like or dislike, but be generous with you. And support you not to like and dislike yourself, but to be generous with yourself. so that no matter what you do, even if you do something which is really perhaps not something we should like. You shouldn't like yourself being not nice to yourself, being cruel to yourself. You don't have to like that, but you should be generous with it. And not just because being generous is good, which it is, but because it sets the stage for you becoming free of whatever story you have about yourself. And before you're free, you can show others who have stories that they're having trouble with, you can still show them how to work with it, even before you've actually seen through your stories, and even before they've seen through theirs. We can warm up to the wisdom in this way.

[71:58]

The hatred's strong. Yeah. Can you be generous with hatred? There is generosity with hatred. There is. It's already there. There is generosity with hatred. But we need to practice it to realize it. If we don't actively practice generosity towards hatred, we might not realize it. Matter of fact, we might feel like we hate hatred if we don't practice generosity. Even though generosity is going on right along the way. The Buddha is generous towards people who are hating themselves or others. The Buddha is generous with them. They are objects of compassion starting with generosity. Isn't that clear? But it's hard to practice when it comes down to like somebody's being cruel to themselves or someone else and be generous.

[73:11]

But I'm actually suggesting that we do that. And then once you're there, you can still breathe or whatever. But you're not doing it because you don't really feel fine about the person not breathing. You really let them not breathe. And from that point on, I invite you to breathe. But mostly I invite you to be generous with yourself. That's the main thing. When I was sitting back there, what felt like hope, but also hearing that you're generous even though you may not be aware of it. Because for me, the progression would be having to be the best, or not do anything that could be rebuked, to fear of being humiliated, to anger, to hatred, whether it's also a story to see through, but that generosity is underneath the hatred.

[74:26]

It's actually going right through it all. It's going right through it. It's actually going right through it. It's finding a way to move through it with no hindrance all the time. practice it, you can miss it. We can miss it. That's why we have to practice. You can't just hear about this and say, that sounds great. You have to actually practice it. And when you actually understand it, then you naturally practice it. It's spontaneous. That's the way you see yourself going. Then you practice from understanding that you're generous all the time. And everybody's generous. The Buddha... According to some teachings, the Buddha did say, oh, now I see everybody fully possesses the wisdom and virtues of the Buddha. Everybody, all beings without exception, fully possess this.

[75:26]

However, because of preconceived notions and attachments, they don't see it. They don't realize it. So since we don't realize it, we have to practice it to realize it. But the way we already are, So we have to practice it. And now we're talking about practicing it with your karma. Practice it with your stories. So you've got these stories like, these are my friends, these people are not my friends. Or you have a story like, everybody's my friend, whatever. My friends, or you know, or I got a raw deal on that, or I hate myself, or I... Whatever your story is, it's generous. It's a gift. which you have received and which you can give back. Exchanging it is also like letting it be in a very warm way. And when you get into it, it's very joyful.

[76:34]

But you don't do it to get joy. You're welcome. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Cheryl. Cheryl. Yeah. Yes, let us see. Let us see. My story is that I can see that I have fear over not having enough money, and yet I can see myself maybe a year or two from now looking back. I mean, I'm already aware that I'm not going to be there.

[77:41]

And yet, that's where I am. My real story, though, is that if I don't jump ahead, if I'm generous with myself to be where I am and even sign a document that can give me security and safety right now while I'm in fear that I won't pull in the right energy. that I have to push myself to be past all that. You know, like looking in the mirror, like we did last week, that I have to see that I'm really not that person that has that story of fear. I'm proud to be generous with that story right now, that I have to go beyond it real fast. If you're generous with the story, you have a story that if you're generous with the story, something unfortunate will happen? Mm-hmm. What? Well, that I'm going to attract the wrong energy in other people. In other words, that I won't be as evolved or aware as I think that I already could be if I just pushed myself.

[78:51]

You know, if I jumped ahead to where I can already see, like if I do kind of the feeling that we did in the mirror. I'm not that person with the fear, that I'm the person watching the person who has the fear. And yet most of the time I feel like I'm the person with the fear, but I want to push myself beyond that real fast. And that doesn't feel generous right now. It doesn't sound generous either, and it also sounds fear-based. And it sounds like you think your consciousness is going to positively evolve if you jump beyond where you are. So that's your story. And rather than argue with you about that story, I'm proposing that if you bring that story out there and look at it,

[79:52]

watching that story, your cognitions will evolve positively and also the story will evolve. If you jump beyond the story, I would suggest the story that you jump beyond will then be a condition, because of being ignored, That story being ignored will then be a condition for a degeneration of your stories. So then another story will come which will be, in a sense, more unwholesome and more unhappy. I should say maybe more unwholesome than the last one because you didn't watch the last one. And then if you jump beyond that, again, or to the side of it, that will lead to a degeneration of your vision and a degeneration of your intention or your stories. Well, I was working with another person, another teacher, who was showing me that I was in fear and suggesting that I don't need to be in fear, that, in other words, almost showing me that I'm going to see that my fear is unrealistic and that I shouldn't

[81:04]

don't need to be there. I would agree that you don't need to be in fear. However, when you are in fear, I don't have to tell you you need to be in fear at that time. I might tell you that you don't have to stay in this. I agree with that. What I'm saying is, before you, when you're here, you don't have to be in fear forever. that it's an optional experience for human beings. You know, there's ways to become free of it, yes. And I'm just saying, before you become free of it, first of all, be generous with it. And before you, if you're with someone else who's got a situation that's difficult for them, before they become free, let's start with where they are, and let's start, like, think time where they are. And the way they are is they're not stuck where they are, but they are feeling like And if we're not generous with the story, if we don't pay attention to the story and bring generosity to it, then I would predict people to be feeling more and more stuck in the story.

[82:11]

It's actually moving forward, but if you don't pay attention to it generously, you'll think you're stuck in it. And where I am right now, part of my story, another story, is that I need the person I'm working with to be generous with me, as though being generous with myself is not enough. It's true. I want them to understand me, too. It's true. If you weren't generous, I'd want you to understand. Yeah, you need your people. You need that. You do need it. Once I'm understanding what this generosity is in the first place, I feel... you know, a little angry to even be pushed, you know, or I feel pushed by my teacher. When you understand what generosity is, you'll see that you're getting the generosity which you need. You do need it. You need everybody to be generous to you. And the reason why you need that is because they are.

[83:13]

Well, what if it doesn't appear that they are? When I explain to him that that's not where I am, To be that way, you should be generous towards the story that it doesn't appear that someone's being generous. His response was, well, do you want me to just agree with you or do you want me to reflect the light of the truth and be honest with you? In other words, do you want me to just... His answer to me was, do you want me to... And I think of him as a very wise man, you know, in general. So I have that story. He's wise. Yes. And he is, in my opinion. Okay. And yet, when I was having difficulty with moving to this other place, he was saying, well, do you want me to just... He kind of said, well, you're arguing with me, and do you want me to just agree with you, or do you want me... He said what his job is, he told me, is to reflect the truth to me.

[84:15]

That's his story. That's his story. And can you be generous? It almost feels like I need to go back to him. And... Talk about generosity. Not to talk about it. You can, it's fine to talk about it. But when he tells you some story, I'm a wise, helping person and I'm here to show you the truth and all that. And you can say, oh, even before you check to see what he's talking about, you can let him be that way and generously let him be that person. And make my own decisions, obviously. Well, if You don't really make your own decisions. That's another topic. It's that your decisions come from generosity. Everybody supports you to make your decisions. You don't make them by yourself. That's why you need people to be generous with you.

[85:17]

Because everybody's supporting you to make your decisions. Everybody's supporting me to make my decisions. If I don't feel generous towards myself and my stories, or towards your stories, then I don't see that you're being generous to me. And then I don't see how you're helping me make my decisions. But in fact, you do help me make my decisions. You have done that tonight. Well, like, the way you're talking to me helps me decide what to say to you. So I say I decide what to say to you, but really I don't decide. What I say, and what it seems like I'm deciding to do, really depends on you and what you're saying to me and the look on your face and everybody else watching. All these things are really... And me and my history, all that makes my decisions. And when I'm generous with that, I feel that support. I see it. And I need it. I need it because I'm getting it. I need it because I'm getting it.

[86:19]

Well, I think I'm right now just understanding that I didn't understand generously because I don't feel I've ever had that. You don't feel you've ever had what? Very much of a generosity toward myself or from other people. You haven't practiced it. and therefore you think you haven't had it. So I'm telling you that you've had it, that I've had it, that we've all had it. We have, we had it. We have been given, we have all been given great generosity, and we also have been generous with everyone else. But because we haven't practiced it wholeheartedly and skillfully, we haven't reached the fullness of our generosity practice to not see it. So now I feel like you're opening up to the practice of generosity and you're opening up to the glimmering of seeing.

[87:29]

But I totally agree, you need everybody to be generous to you. I need everybody to be generous to me. And the more I myself the more I'm willing to be generous with others, and the more I'm generous with myself and others, the more I see that that's the way they are with me. And the way they're doing it is sometimes they're doing it in the form of having their own story, and they're being generous, but they don't see it. And so they're manifesting twisted, uncomfortable forms, because they haven't quite learned how to be generous with their own story. But they still are. They're actually doing it, and sometimes you can see it, but you can see that they don't see it. Last night I was having a talk with somebody who... It's time? Oh, it's past nine o'clock. So thank you for your... What time is it?

[88:32]

Ten after. Yeah, please let me know when it's nine o'clock. I'm perfectly happy to stop at nine. Sorry. So next week, I thought I was going to do it this week, but it didn't happen. Next week, I'll tell another story of Linji's enlightenment, which will be another thing for you to see if you can see yourself in. And if you're interested to see it, I don't know what to do. Maybe... What should we do? You can find it in the back of the Blue Cliff Record, Volume 1. Catherine can email you the story, but you don't have to look beforehand. Just do the practice, okay, of generosity, all week, every moment, please.

[89:37]

Look at another story of Linji. Enlightenment. Okay? We need lots of help to put this end back together. Thank you very much. Intentionally extend to every being.

[90:06]

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