I want to start with a story about a nine-year-old girl. This young girl, this girl is the daughter of a broken family. Her father and mother are divorced and recently she and her mother came to visit us and I heard a story about her at that time. She told her mother, that when she was spending time with her father, see, they lived separately, and so her mother brought her to her father, and then she left her father to go back to her mother.

[01:06]

And she said, Mommy, I couldn't even say goodbye to Daddy because I was so excited to get back to you. I couldn't even give him a proper goodbye because I was in such a hurry to be with you again." This is a situation that she could herself realize was very hard for her. Her father, this little girl's father, lives in Berkeley. And she lives in Boston with her mother and her little brother. She's having a hard time being separated from her father. And she said to her mother, it's like at Christmas when

[02:18]

Do you remember you got me a, I think it's called a pound dog. Do you know what a pound dog is? I learned what a pound dog is. Does anybody not know what a cabbage patch doll is? Does anybody not know? You all know, huh? So a cabbage patch doll is a very famous doll. And as you may know, I think Cabbage Patch Dolls come with, don't they come with papers? And so you can, and then you have a doctor and so on, right? That you can refer to and all those kinds of things. Well, Pound Dogs are dogs that have, you are receiving a Pound Dog. This dog previously was in a dog pound. You're saving its life, right? This is an orphan dog. And they come in a cage.

[03:21]

I believe pound dogs come in a cage. So this girl got a pound dog for Christmas. And she said it would be kind of like if you had a pound dog for Christmas and you opened it up from the package. And then somehow the pound dog got mixed up with the wrapping paper. And then someone took the wrapping paper and threw it out. And the pound dog got accidentally thrown out too with the wrapping paper. And then you start looking for your pound dog, but you can't find it. So you think, oh, maybe it got thrown out with the waste paper. So you go to the garbage can and start rummaging through the garbage, and you can't find the pound dog. And then you look up and you see the garbage truck going away. It just picked up the garbage. And in Boston, what they do is when the garbage collectors find stuffed animals in the garbage, they take the stuffed animal and put it on the roof of their truck and drive around with stuffed animals on the roof of the truck.

[04:40]

that they find. She said, so it's like you go looking for your pound dog in the garbage and you can't find it. Then you look up and you see the garbage truck just pulling away with your pound dog on the roof. And you run after it, calling out, but it keeps going away and you can never, you can't catch it. And then she said, and they leave the pound dog on the roof and they come back again. the next week to pick up the garbage again and you see your pound dog on the roof of the truck and you run down to get the pound dog and you call out but it always gets away before you can get it. This is her way of explaining what it's like, her relationship with her father. She had this wonderful father, and she lost it in the garbage can, and she went running after it, but she never can get it.

[05:43]

And then it keeps coming back. She keeps seeing her father again and again, but she can never get a hold of him again. When I heard this story, of course, I was deeply impressed by it. And now telling it to you, I feel, I hear how much this is a story of all of our lives. Not all of us have broken homes, but there are things which we love very much, which we can see that keep coming back into our life, and we reach for them, and they just slip out of our ... We can't get a hold of them. We call out, but they get away. And it isn't that they go away, we keep seeing them again and again and we keep missing them. Like she said, I can't say goodbye to my father because I'm so excited to be with my mother.

[06:53]

And so this is our many situations we're in. We can't take care of this person in front of us because we're so excited about meeting the next person. And this little girl at nine years old has somehow made a story which captures this pathetic situation. So not only was I impressed by the depth of the story, but I was also impressed that this little girl has within her the ability to make up a story which captures an essential problem in her life. The story doesn't change the situation. Still, this pain is there, and yet the story somehow makes it possible for her to go on with her life.

[07:57]

When I thought of telling you this story, I thought then to say, and what story can each of you make for our life, for our world, our adult world? We need a story, I think, in order to go on. Otherwise, we could possibly just fall into a heap of tears among our toys and not be able to function. But she can function. And I think her need to cope with this trauma of losing her father or her parents separating, she had to make this myth. And some people feel that that myths are made by people, by human beings, to cope with traumatic changes in society or traumatic changes in our psyche.

[09:11]

It doesn't change the trauma, but actually by making it into a story, we get it out there where we can see it, and then we can go on. Go on with what? in one sense it means to go on with uh... repeating that essential moment when we had something and we lost it or when we have something and by not paying attention to it it gets into the garbage or by being interested in something else by some other passion we look away from it and we lose it this essential uh... moment So her story guides her into a central moment of her suffering life.

[10:19]

And we have in Buddhism a number of myths, a number of stories, which guide us into the essential moment, the pivotal moment where our suffering is born and also where our freedom will be born. Same place, same time. I feel at this moment great reverence for this moment.

[11:44]

And by that I mean this moment that we're experiencing right now, and also this moment as a basic moment where we can lose it or remember it. I want to enter this moment with you. I want to settle in this moment with all of you.

[13:03]

And I would like all of you to settle in this moment with each other. The talk, this type of talk, is almost a cliché in Zen, settling into the present. And I would like to

[14:07]

mentioned that the ability to do this is based on six practices, which are sometimes called the six perfections or the six completions. which are first of all generosity, next ethical conduct, then patience, then courageous effort, then settling into or concentrating on experience, and finally what we call wisdom. just what is.

[15:16]

And in one sense, my invitation to us today is to settle into just what is. In other words, realize wisdom today, this morning. But I also mentioned that there's these other practices which are foundations for this settling. Now, this settling is a strange business because you're settling into what you already are. You're not first of all kind of fluffing yourself up and fixing yourself up and improving yourself and then settling into that, which would be an easier thing to settle into maybe.

[16:22]

I'm talking about settling into what you are right now. Moment by moment. So it has been taught by this great enlightening being here sitting in the middle of all of us. His name is Manjushri, which means pleasant splendor. The enlightenment worker, pleasant splendor, he taught that the condition of a living being is precisely what we mean by awakening. And each of us is a living being and the condition that we're in is precisely what we mean by awakening.

[17:30]

But it's not so easy to be a living being. it's quite easy, actually, to be a little bit better than a living being, or a little bit worse, or a little bit ahead, or a little bit behind. This is quite easy. Some of us have certain styles, easy styles. Some of us are really good at being a little bit better than we are. or at least trying to be better than we are. Some of us are actually skilled at being a little bit worse than we are. Some of us are generally just a little bit ahead or way ahead of where we are. And some of us are kind of good at hanging out and holding on a little bit and being a little bit behind where we are.

[18:35]

And some of us try all those styles, plus many others. And we often have very good excuses for why it would be good to be a little bit better than the way we are. For example, we're not so good. Therefore, wouldn't it be good to be better? And many other people may agree, yes that's true, you're not so good and we'd like you to be better. So please try. So we think, okay, with that justification, I'll try to be better. What people really mean, of course, I think sincerely, is that they want us to become... awakened and free and therefore kind and compassionate and understanding and helpful and these kinds of things.

[19:40]

This is what everyone wants us to do. And they think maybe this would be better than the way we are. However, as is well known in the society now, I think it is, maybe it's not, Being able to make positive changes in your life, being able to fully realize your compassionate and wisdom capacity comes from actually being able to sit still, comes from being able to be satisfied, accepting, and even grateful for the way you are right now. that from that settledness and that gratitude for your present circumstances, for your present story, for example, the present story of watching your pound dog go off in the garbage truck, not trying to say, well, the pound dog really isn't on the garbage truck.

[20:52]

I really do have it. But whatever your circumstances are, to actually validate, not validate, but own up to them and be grateful for your circumstances, sincerely, completely settled and grateful, then the ability to make wondrous life comes forth from this settledness. So we say, or the ancestors say, it's not that there's no practice in enlightenment. It's not that there's no effort in transformation. It just cannot be defiled. In other words, defiled by squirming away from it. Defiled by trying to make it different. If you do that, then there isn't a practice and there isn't a transformation.

[22:00]

There's just endless squirming There's endless trying to be better than you are or the opposite. Trying to get back to mommy while you're with daddy. There's a story which I'm going to change a little bit.

[23:31]

One of our ancestors was, one day he was sitting. He was sitting and one of his monks came up to him and said, what's it like, what's it like to be totally grateful? for your present circumstances? What kind of thinking is going on when you're really accepting where you are? I changed the story a little bit. The usual way of saying is, what kind of thinking are you doing when you're not moving? So the proposal is that Buddhas do think, an enlightened being does think, and enlightening beings also think.

[24:46]

Enlightened beings and enlightening beings are able to sit still, are able to be grateful for their circumstances. This is their primary, this is the primary story about them. This is a story. This is a myth, a tale, which is told about all these enlightened beings and enlightenment workers and all of their disciples that were able to actually become helpful in the world. They were able to sit still. They were able to be grateful for their present circumstances. And the monk said to one of these enlightening beings, what kind of thinking are you doing when you're sitting there so grateful for your body and mind? And the sitter said, think of that which does not think.

[26:00]

Think of the unthinking." And the monk said, "'How do you think of that which doesn't think?' And the sitter said, "'Non-thinking.'" This is instructions on how to think like a Buddha. Buddhas are sitting still in their circumstances. Enlightening beings are sitting still in their circumstances, whatever the circumstances may be. Standing on their head, catching a trolley car, turning left in their car,

[27:08]

washing clothes, whatever their circumstances, they sit still in those circumstances. And what kind of thinking do they do? What's going through their experience at that time? They're thinking about that which doesn't think. The monk says, how? That's also the answer. They don't know how to think of the unthinking. There isn't a way to do that. And yet that's the way they think. They think a way that there's no way to do it. They are a person which is called no person. Not that there isn't a person, but you can't say what it is. And they're totally unable to get a hold of themselves and control themselves or their thinking.

[28:10]

They actually enter into things as it is. There was a story which I think you also may have heard before. It's a story which a Taoist sage told about himself. This was his myth that he made up when he lost his mommy and daddy. His name was Chuang Tzu. Tuan Tsa said, I dreamed that I was a butterfly floating like petals in the air, doing whatever I felt like.

[29:24]

I forgot about myself. But soon enough I woke up and frantically grasping, I found myself again. Is it or was it that the butterfly was dreaming of Chuang Tzu? Or was it that Shwangsa was dreaming of the butterfly? Is it that this person is dreaming of the unthinking?

[30:30]

Is it that this person is thinking about the unthinking butterfly? The one who's forgotten about self and just does whatever? Or is it that the one that doesn't think is dreaming of this person? So the first step is somehow by means of some story that you tell yourself about your life or that you believe is true of all beings, somehow we need to find some way to settle into what we are.

[31:41]

Once settled, then we need to try to think of this butterfly. And in the process of thinking of this butterfly, this unthinking one, we also have the chance to get a little confused and maybe let this unthinking one be us. This unthinking one doesn't know that it can't think even. So it can think anything. As a matter of fact, since it can think anything, it thinks what you're thinking right now. This unthinking one, I call it a butterfly, but actually it's something that's free and light because it's everything. So everything is causing each of us to think what we're thinking right now.

[32:50]

What we're thinking right now, as it is really, is thinking. The way we're thinking right now is actually thinking of that which doesn't think. In other words, Right now you're doing the thinking that someone who is completely settled thinks. You're already doing it. What you're doing right now is that. And that's why, not that's why, and if you have any doubts about this, That's why we have these other practices to support you and support me.

[34:07]

Practices of generosity, ethical conduct, patience, courageous effort and concentration. These practices are to support us in being able to totally settle with the fact that we're doing enlightened thinking right now. that the thinking you're doing as it is, is exactly freedom. Therefore, if we have any doubts about that, we do these other five practices. First one is generosity. What does generosity have to do with, for example, being able to thoroughly accept that the thinking you're doing right now, that the conditions of your life right now are exactly the same as awakening?

[35:08]

Generosity fundamentally does not mean that you're going to give somebody a present. Generosity is fundamentally that you address, that you become aware of any inner stinginess. If you give things to people, that's fine. But if you give things to people and you don't already work on your inner stinginess, this is not generosity. this inner stinginess, we actually are using towards ourselves too. Not necessarily we are, but I'm just saying if you won't let yourself think Buddhist thinking right now, you're being stingy with yourself. You're holding back a little bit, or I'm holding back a little bit if I won't let this thinking be freedom.

[36:25]

from thinking now there's many excuses you can have for why to be stingy with yourself again opinions about yourself will support you being stingy with yourself and opinions about others will support you and be stingy towards them we're talking about right away start right off by don't let any excuses Don't accept any excuses from yourself about why you can't be... Don't accept any excuses for being stingy. Try that. Try to just cross off. Every time an excuse for being stingy comes up, just cross it off. Nope, I'm not going to do it. Just as an exercise called generosity. Just say, there's a good reason for not being generous. There's a good reason for being stingy, I should say. I'll just cross that one off. Here's another good reason for being stingy. That's very good justification for stinginess.

[37:27]

I'll cross that one off. Oh, here's another good reason for being stingy. I'll cross that one off. Just keep crossing off all the reasons for stinginess until you feel this stinginess has no support. All the good reasons I have for being stingy, they're not there. I mean, I just crossed them off. I did it as an exercise, actually, at first, because I actually think they are good reasons. But I just sort of exercised them, like exercising demons, right? They're exercised. And now there's a stinginess without any support. Well, it's now getting pretty flimsy and whimsy. This phase of practice, the beginning of practice actually, leading up to being able to completely accept your thinking and feeling and emoting, whatever you're experiencing, as liberation itself, this first step I call the janitorial phase.

[38:35]

You've got to sweep away all this filth, this stinginess which makes you feel, I'm not qualified to actually having the same kind of thought as a completely liberated person. I'm just, this isn't reasonable. And this is the first practice anyway and I haven't even done the next six. So that's another reason why I shouldn't be, I should not accept myself and I shouldn't be so generous with myself and with others. You've got to start with yourself and then the person closest to you and so on. So this, what time is it?

[39:41]

Ten after eleven. Ten after eleven. It's 10 after 11. It's 10 after 11, and some people are laughing. And when you laugh, you wiggle a little bit. So I needed some signal to stop. I think I got it. May I

[40:47]

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