It seems that we are living in a turbulent world. And still, it's possible for somebody to bring me a cup of tea I'm not in control of this tea being brought to me and neither is he but here it is and I'm grateful for it as I contemplated meeting with you today in this assembly, I thought perhaps it would be good to do some orientation.

[01:14]

Or you could say maybe reorientation. The rain is helpful to orienting right now. This little temple is called no abode. No abode is an expression for the mind and

[02:16]

of a bodhisattva. This temple is named after the mind of a bodhisattva. So it's named after the mind of a bodhisattva. And I noticed today there's lots of statues and paintings of bodhisattvas in this temple. there's also statues and paintings of Buddhas so I guess I am wishing to orient this assembly to the bodhisattvas to the bodhisattva way to the bodhisattva practice even though we've done it before

[03:59]

Since that time, we've been living in a turbulent world. We've been living in lots of disorienting challenges. So I thought, let's reorient. Human beings, and also not just human beings, have minds, have consciousness. And in consciousness, things can happen. Things can arise and cease. Ordinary human consciousness arises And ceases. And it arises with lots of events.

[05:07]

It arises with feelings. Feelings do not arise all by themselves. They arise with consciousness. And they also cease. arise with consciousness. Consciousness does not arise without perceptions. When it comes, perceptions come with it, and if perceptions don't come with it, it's not consciousness. Consciousness comes with feelings and perceptions. What I mean by consciousness is ordinary consciousness, not some special kind of consciousness just ordinary deluded consciousness in which there is the appearance of turbulence and misery and happiness and fear and hatred that's ordinary consciousness which some of you may have seen but I'm just mentioning in the orientation

[06:27]

that when there's consciousness, it's not all by itself. It has feelings, perceptions, ideas, lots of different emotions, and body. Material events also arise with consciousness. Now, back to the bodhisattva. It happens to some consciousnesses that there arises a thought in the consciousness. Consciousness always has thought, ideas. But sometimes there's a thought which people have not necessarily seen before, which is the thought of wishing or the wish.

[07:29]

Or the aspiration to do something really great in this turbulent world. To help all suffering beings. There can be the wish to benefit all beings in the world of suffering. And not only to help them, but to help them in the best. possible ways the most helpful ways and so there is aspiration it can arise it can arise in an ordinary human deluded consciousness aspiration to become awake truly awake so that the best helping of people can be lived thought like that can arise and wish like that can arise.

[08:35]

And there's also the message that this has arisen and it did arise for all Buddhas. All Buddhas prior to becoming Buddhas wish to become Buddhas in order to help the turbulent world. And the rain says amen too. And when the rain stops, it says amen. The wind says amen. To what? To making the best possible contributions to this world of turbulent suffering. Which we call Buddha. Awakening makes the best contribution.

[09:40]

the world of suffering. Awakening does not control the world of suffering. It just makes moment by moment the most appropriate offering. And once again in ordinary consciousness the wish to realize that Buddha mind can arise. And the first time it arises is the first time it arises. It's called the first arising of the mind of awakening, which means the mind which aspires to perfect awakening for the welfare of all beings. And The First Arising of the Bodhi Mind, of the Mind of Awakening, is part of a title of one of the chapters, one of the books in the Flower Adornment Scripture, which we've been studying, which we've been discussing, which we've been arguing about for almost three years.

[11:07]

Now we're on chapter 17, which is called the merit of the first arising of the mind of awakening. So, this is a mind, this is a thought, which... which arises. It's just like other thoughts that arise. And the other thoughts that arise, what do they do? They also cease. So it's a mind that arises and ceases. It is the cause of Buddhahood, this mind, but it also is fragile and impermanent. It arises and ceases, but it can arise again and cease. However, There's a lot of again ones after the first one.

[12:16]

This chapter is about the first time. And then there's kind of like a last time. Not really a last time. But then there's a time when this mind which arises and ceases... conjoined completely with the mind that does not arise and cease. So the Bodhisattva aspires to an awakened mind that does not arise or cease. That's the Buddha mind. It doesn't arise or cease. And the mind which arises and wants that, wants to realize that, That mind ceases. But then it arises again and ceases. And it just keeps going until the mind that does not arise or cease has been manifested.

[13:22]

So a mind that arises and ceases is the cause, is the seed of the mind that does not arise or cease. And between the first time and the full realization of Buddhahood, there are many, many, many, many, many, continuous wishing to realize awakening to help this world of turbulent misery. You can't hear? I'll try to talk louder. I'll try to talk louder. Would it help to sit there? Maybe. So we can't control her ability to hear but we can try to help her. So bringing this up, one might look, or there might be a contemplation of consciousness to see.

[15:09]

Is there a wish like that in this consciousness? In the consciousness I call this consciousness? And many people, when they say this consciousness, they mean sort of the one that they think they're living in. So this consciousness is sometimes diluted. and self-consciousness. It's where there's an appearance of a self, like appearance of feelings, appearance of emotions, appearance of self, and there's all kinds of pain and afflictions around this self. So in a consciousness like that, if there is, if you're hearing about this thought of realizing Buddhahood, and wishing for it, Buddhahood, one might say, hearing about it, one might say, is that in my mind? Is that wish in my mind?

[16:12]

Or is that wish in my mind? Because my mind is a mind that I think is mine. In my deluded consciousness, self-consciousness, is there the thought? Is there the wish to become Buddha? So, I invite you to just take a moment and check if that thought is there. And if you kind of feel like, amen. Yes, I do. Yes, there is a wish to benefit this world. And yes, there is a wish to become capable of helping this world by means of awakening. Of course we can help people. Oops. Like just now, I noticed my sleeve was on top of this cup of tea.

[17:15]

But the sleeve didn't go into the cup of tea. So the sleeve is not wet. It's not tea wet. But I wasn't in control that it didn't go into the tea cup. And the person who brought me the tea did not was not in control of the sleeve going into the teacup. But everybody here contributed to the sleeve not going in there. None of us were in control of this miracle that the sleeve didn't go into the teacup. But we all contributed to it. Now if it had gotten wet, we all would have contributed to that. So one message is that we're not in control, but we still can wish for awakening.

[18:17]

And we can look to see if there is the wish. And again, even if there is a wish, in other words, even if the wish has arisen, it will also cease. But that wish, that impermanent wish, if we take care of it, if it's taken care of, it becomes Buddha. So this has been an orientation to chapter, to book 17. The merit of the first arising of this wish. to become awakened so that the best gifts can be given to all suffering beings. And what just popped in my head, which we don't know yet what it is, right?

[19:23]

What popped in my head was Suzuki Roshi observing what Japan was exporting to the United States after World War II. He noticed, and even I noticed when I was a kid, that a lot of stuff from Japan, although somewhat attractive, was not high quality. They were not high quality toys. Because Japan's industrial power had been almost completely destroyed. So as they tried to recover, they started to make toys to export to America. in other parts of the world, but they weren't really high-quality toys yet. And they also exported other things. They were trying to recover their economy, and part of it was to export things they made. And Szegrish, he observed that, and he thought, I would like to send something to America of very high quality.

[20:30]

so he came to America to transport something very valuable the aspiration to awakening which he called Zazen and he did a good job of exporting this wonderful thing this thought of awakening benefit the world. So I imagine that all of you want to benefit the world. I imagine that. But I'm not so sure if you aspire to Buddhahood so that you'll be most effective at that work. Are you able to hear me better?

[21:38]

Thanks for your honesty. I have a lot of questions come up and I unfortunately didn't bring a pencil and paper. But as you speak, I have questions that I will forget. Chapter 17, the name of the chapter. is the merit, the virtue, the value of what? Of this first arising. And so at the beginning of the chapter, this great bodhisattva is asked, please tell us about the merit of this thought. And the bodhisattva basically says, okay. So then, he goes through this process of envisioning activities that are meritorious.

[22:45]

He envisions or imagines activities that are extremely or vastly meritorious. Like, for example, in a Buddhist context, to make offerings to Buddhas... to an extent that is almost inconceivably vast and wonderful. And to do that for eons... And then he says, after that example, that's one of them, I think that's the first one, then he says, the person who asked him to talk about the merit of this first arising of the thought was Indra, the supreme leader of the gods. Indra asked... the Bodhisattva Dharma wisdom, to talk about the merit of this mind, which can arise in your mind. And so he uses that example of this vast offering for eons, and he says, compared to this... No, not compared.

[23:52]

So then he asks the god Indra, would the merit of that be great? And Indra says, only the Buddha would know how great it was. It's so vast, the merit of such offerings. And then the Bodhisattva says, compared to that, comparing that to the merit of the first arising of this thought, all that merit is almost infinitesimal. And then he does that about ten times of thinking these more and more amazing meritorious activities like benefiting all suffering beings, bringing comfort to all beings that are in pain for eons. Would that be great? So great, only Buddha knows how great. Even that, helping innumerable beings to give them food and shelter, is infinitesimal compared to this mind.

[24:54]

It's extremely beneficial to help beings to give the hungry food, to give housing to those who have no housing, very beneficial. This mind is more beneficial, but inconceivably more. So that's the first part of the chapter. The next part of the chapter is basically saying what we're able to do when this mind has arisen. How we're able to live when this mind is able to, has arisen. So one of the things that's possible after this mind has arisen is that the bodhisattvas in whom this mind has arisen who have just aspired to Buddhahood they do not apprehend anything in the three times of past, present and future.

[26:04]

That's the beginning aspiring and because of this we don't apprehend anything which means also when this aspiration for the first time to Buddhahood arises we do not apprehend the thing we aspire to we do not apprehend Buddha we do not apprehend Dharma we do not apprehend Sangha we do not apprehend worldly things we do not apprehend transmundane things When the Bodhisattva makes this first resolve to attain Buddhahood they don't have the slightest thing in three times to obtain.

[27:06]

So we're aspiring to this thing which is there's nothing to attain in this aspiration. We aspire to Buddhahood in which there's not the slightest thing to obtain. Because this Buddhahood is not the slightest bit different from this thought. The first aspiration to Buddhahood is not the slightest bit different from Buddhahood. And that thought realizes that there's nothing to give, nothing to attain. and we aspire to something which we cannot attain. Or she said, we aspire to something where there's nothing to attain. In a way we can attain Buddhahood because right now it's not the least bit separate from the way we are right now.

[28:12]

Someone told me this very morning that they had this thought arise. in their mind. This wish for awakening has arisen in their mind. And so then I talked with this person about how to remember that mind, protect it, take care of it, nurture it, because that mind that has arisen also has ceased. However, another mind can arise and we can protect that one too and nurture it. And how do we protect and nurture it? With compassion. And not just compassion for that thought, not just being gentle and careful and protecting that thought, but protect the ocean

[29:22]

in which that thought arises, the ocean of our consciousness. So when that thought arises, it arises in a mind that is turbulent. And even the rising is somewhat turbulent, and the ceasing is somewhat turbulent. So this thought, which is calling for compassion, lives in a turbulent sea. And this thought of wishing for awakening in a turbulent sea is not separate from the mind which is at peace in the turbulent sea, the mind which doesn't arise or cease even. It's so at peace it doesn't even arise or cease. But it's not separate from the mind that does arise and cease in turbulence.

[30:27]

By taking care of the turbulent mind we will realize that the turbulent mind is not the slightest discrepancy with the vast deep, calm Buddha mind. That's a little bit of orientation and I see some five-fingered hands raised. Yes? understand, so I'm trying to understand how when you talk of the first arising and the merit of the first arising and the mind that has not arisen or the thought that has not arisen.

[31:34]

Say, the mind that has first arisen, yes. Or the thought that has arisen. What I'm trying to understand is how this relates to the human perception of the past and present moment and the future. Because if I think of the first arising of the mind, that implies to me, or I infer from that, that there was a time before that this thought never had arisen. So I would say, No, there wasn't a time before. However, it does happen that in an ordinary human consciousness, the person hears about this and they think, oh, yeah, amen. That's what I want to do with my life. I want to become awake so I can help people. And that's the first time it happened.

[32:36]

They think that. They're deluded. They had this wonderful thought, but they're deluded. They think it's the first time. It's not the first time. But they think so. And even a deluded person thinking, yes, I aspire to Buddhahood, and this is the first time it happened, even that is inconceivably valuable. And as that person practices more, it says it right here, as that person practices more, they don't apprehend anything in three times. Like they don't think oh actually this is the first time it happened. Because in fact it's always with us and it has been since beginningless time and it will never be separate from us. I wouldn't say it doesn't correlate I just say that you don't get you don't apprehend history.

[33:39]

You know there's a history, but you don't apprehend anything in history. The more you practice, the more you realize that before you started to practice, you were practicing. The more you, when you first start practicing, you think, I just started practicing today. And it's great. I'm so happy. I feel like I'm home. I've heard that story so many times. People feel, I finally found my home for the first time. And the more that person practices, they realize, well, actually, I found it two weeks ago. Now, I didn't notice it, but actually I found it before. And then the more you go forward from when you first find it, the more you realize it preceded when you first found it.

[34:40]

And in this bodhisattva mind, there's no apprehending of the first time. There is the appearance of the first time, but because of this aspiration and because of the teaching, we know, oh, it's arisen the first time, and I've heard that when it first arises, I don't apprehend it in the present or the past or the future. And therefore you awaken to that there... There's no beginning or end to this. But ordinary consciousness has beginning and end. And in an ordinary consciousness that has beginning and end, it's aspiration to realize what doesn't have beginning or end arises. So thank you for that. And I'll be right back to you people after I call on Oma. Could you speak up?

[35:53]

I think people have trouble hearing you. I'm one of them. Louder. What is always beginning is always beginning. There's no other. There's no time. Did you say the Buddha mind is beginning? No, it's not. It doesn't have a beginning. It does not have a beginning or a middle or an end. However, it's inseparable from minds that do have beginnings. Oh, you do? Okay. All right, now we know what the situation is.

[36:55]

She calls, that what doesn't have a beginning, a beginning. Okay. Yeah, that's what no one is. No beginning, no end. There's no beginning, end. And I'm also really, truly, genuinely interested in time. Time is beginning and, you know, it's this and that. interested, seeing, realizing, no mind, no time, in time, where there is time, where there is division, where there is confusion, where there is this and that, where there is struggle, where there is all that, all that you said. Did you say turmoil? Is it turmoil? Is that the word? Yeah. realize that turmoil is no time.

[38:04]

There's no time, no time. Turmoil is the no time. I like to pay attention or bring my attention to turmoil as this is another no time. This is another no time. This is not separate than before. Did you say you wish to treat turmoil as? The same good old friend, no thought. Okay, thank you. Yes? So, I'm pretty sure, like the person themselves who's working to attain enlightenment for all beings, I mean, they are included in that, but I don't hear the emphasis on it, so it seems more like... other, like I'm trying to save all beings as if that was other for me, but I know that it's everything included. Is that what you would say?

[39:05]

Yeah, basically. But it's not so much that there are no others, it's just that it's not so much that there are no others, it's just the other is none other than what you are. We are a self and we're also other. We're not just Pardon? We are other. We are other, yeah. We are otherwise. We are otherwise. But we're also a self. We're a self and we're otherwise. But the Bodhisattva focuses on helping the otherwise. In other words? You're just helping yourself in that respect. Pardon? You're helping yourself then too. You're included because you're not separate. Yes. Yes. I am otherwise. And I wish to liberate all otherwise.

[40:15]

Or you could just say, shorten it to others. All others. Thank you. Yes? I would say thank you, but I'm really confused. So I'm thanking you and I'm really confused. And my question is, what do you mean by apprehend? You used that word. What I mean by apprehend is it's a basic type of delusion that you think there's something you can get a hold of. Like, you think you can get a hold of a book. You have that thought. That's... the bodhisattva does not they have they do not apprehend anything but there can still be the thought that I'm apprehending but the wish to attain Buddhahood is not apprehending anything so yeah I wish

[41:23]

But I'm just wishing. There's wishing, but there's not apprehending anything. And yeah, it's really great. Beyond measure. Yes? So the mind that has the aspiration to care for all beings that arises and ceases, does it arise and cease due to our own clinging and... or does it rise and cease when we die? What is the rising and cease? Well, yeah, so in the ocean of causes and conditions, consciousness has arisen. It doesn't make itself happen. And even the things it arises with, they're not the full story of its arising. But we know that consciousness arises with feelings, with emotions, with perceptions and ideas, with fear, with confusion, with aspiration.

[42:27]

That can be observed in consciousness. But the way all these things come together with consciousness and its arising are not just due to those things. There's a surrounding causal. process too so the whole universe is included in every moment of the arising of consciousness so then our clinging and our adversity have nothing avoidance have nothing to do with the arising avoidance the clinging or avoidance when it arises with avoidance avoidance doesn't make it happen but also it couldn't happen without the if there's an avoidance the consciousness arises with avoidance if there's no avoidance the consciousness arises with no avoidance sometimes instead of avoidance we have clinging we have lust instead but the lust doesn't make the consciousness happen it is part of the experience of the moment are there past moments of

[43:38]

clinging and past moments of lust past moments of greed past moments of avoidance are they in the past? yes inconceivable past leads to a mind that thinks this is present and that's past we can just have the aspiration but we have no control over we We do have the aspiration to arise, and we do not control that to arise. When it arises in a person, they did not make it happen. However, many, many things, including their whole history, contribute. So your whole history led you to be the woman you are now, but also this person who you saw at the moment you aspired, They also are, you know, you saw that person and then the aspiration arrives.

[44:44]

But they didn't make it happen. It was in your communion with that person. Your whole history in communion with this new event of, for example, someone who looks really kind. Oh, that's what I want to do. but you didn't make that arise, and they didn't make it arise, but it arises with your whole history, and the whole universe who made you every moment of your life comes to this meeting, and this thought arises of wishing to benefit the world. Kind of like that person who I thought was really benefiting the world. Yeah, so this thought has arisen, and now let's take care of it. But the arising is not something I'm in control of and I'm also not in control of its ceasing. You know, someone might, a child might say, all minds that have just ceased, I made that happen. But no.

[45:45]

I don't make all your minds cease. However, none of your minds can cease without me. I'm contributing to the ceasing of all your minds and the arising of all your minds. And you're also... contributing to the arising of all my consciousnesses this one this one this one but you're also contributing to the ceasing because if you when you contribute to my mind arising and then you change slightly my mind changes i i am dependent my consciousness the consciousness in which i appear depends on all sentient beings And therefore, unless you don't change, my mind's going to change. My mind changes in concert with your mind. My mind arises in concert with your mind. My history and my current arising arises with your history and your current arising.

[46:48]

I see you and I see you, but before you is Neil, louder please excuse me a second I'll be right back so we have a conscious mind and it's calling for compassion And if the conscious mind has this thought of awakening in it, we practice compassion with that thought and with everything that it arises with. Because it's just a thought in an ordinary consciousness. If we're not practicing compassion with the whole field of consciousness, then it's not going to be possible for us to be compassionate with this wonderful thought.

[47:54]

Yes? How do we be compassionate with the whole field? Well, let's see, how do you do it? You do it by being compassionate with what's right in front of you. And if you're compassionate with what's right in front of you, it extends to the whole field. So for example, when the thought of awakening arises, you practice compassion in the form of, in summary, in the form of being generous towards the thought of awakening. being generous towards it, appreciating it, saying thank you to it. But also thank you to the whole field in which it arose. So if you feel thank you for the thought of awakening, but no thank you for your pettiness or fear, this thought of awakening can arise with fear.

[48:58]

terribly afraid, and here's his thought. Terribly perplexed, and here's his thought. I remember, I think it's in a book, I remember when I was 13 and my mind was turbulent, turbulent, afraid, a thought arose in that mind. And the thought was, If you just go to school tomorrow and are kind to everybody, it'll be fine. That thought arose in a mind which is really self-concerned, petty, afraid. That thought could arise. And when it arose, in fact, it worked. That mind became calm and happy at that thought. But then I went to school and as soon as I opened the door and I saw the girls, My mind was completely disturbed. And I thought, at 13, I thought, I need some training.

[50:02]

Because even when I see what would bring me peace and freedom from my self-concern, just being devoted to others, even then, I forget it when I see a pretty face. And especially a pretty face that seems to like me or not like me. Turbulence. We need training to be compassionate towards the thought, if I would just be kind to people, it would be fine, that thought, and also all the turbulence. We need to be generous towards it. We need to be careful with it and gentle with it. We need to be patient with the turbulence. We need to be enthusiastic about this practice of compassion. We need to be present and collected and calm. and we need to be wise. This is how we practice compassion with a mind in which this wonderful thought has arisen. Not all Buddhas just had thoughts of selfishness. They had thoughts of selfishness and this aspiration.

[51:07]

Buddhas had told us they were selfish. They were greedy in the past. Buddha says, I was trying to get something out of the practice. But the thought was right there. the thought to practice. So we practice that's how we protect this thought is by being compassionate to it not trying to hold on to it and also not apprehend it and also the same with the whole field in which it arose. And The last time we talked here I talked about the concentration practice, the samadhi of this scripture, which is called the ocean seal samadhi, ocean mudra samadhi.

[52:08]

And it's being concentrated on how the ocean is sealed. The surface of the ocean, which is more or less turbulent, is sealed with the whole ocean, which is mostly calm, mostly quiet. We have the Pacific Ocean. It's a good name for an ocean. That mind, the ocean doesn't really, in a sense, doesn't really arise and cease. The surface arises and ceases. and the surface is where we're called to practice compassion. If we practice compassion with the surface, we'll realize, oh, the surface is none other than the vast, calm, peaceful ocean.

[53:12]

Same with our mind. And to be undistracted from this meditation, It's called the ocean seal samadhi. It's the concentration which seals the superficial turmoil with the profound, more or less unbounded tranquility and peace. It's always there. It doesn't come or go. And it's inseparable from the mind which does come and go. And Buddhas have lived on the surface and they've told us how they practice with it. And then they told us, and I finally realized that this turbulence is none other than peace. This turbulence is none other than a beginningless and endless peace. But you have to be good, really good, really kind with the turbulence.

[54:16]

Otherwise, you're going to continue to feel like turbulence and peace are separately. So part of the orientation is to orient towards the teaching that if there's the slightest discrepancy, we fail to accord with the proper attunement. But it's actually, if there's the slightest discrepancy and you're not compassionate with it, then you don't accord with what's on both sides of the separation. Yes? I can have the thought to be there and at the same time be with the waves on the ocean but notice that there's a wish to focus more on the compassion that

[55:22]

Did you say there's a wish to do something more? Is that what you said? There's a wish to direct my attention. Oh, yeah. The wish to direct attention is very common in consciousness. Like, I wish to pay attention to this person. I wish to pay attention to that person. Those are turbulence. That's turbulence. Wishing to direct the mind in the mind. is another aspect of turbulence. So we're out there in the turbulent sea, and on top of being out there in the turbulent sea, we're wishing to direct where we go in the sea. Rather than just be in the boat with compassion, we want the boat to go someplace and not someplace else. But the boat of compassion is not road over calm waters.

[56:30]

It's road over waters that cannot be calmed. But there can be in the water a wish to calm the water or by going someplace else. That's another wave to be kind to. So I said that's a wave, that wishing to go here or there. It's another wave. but that wave is calling for compassion. And if there can be compassion for this wave, then we're getting ready for this thought to arise. Or if the thought has arisen in that mind, that's how to take care of that thought. Again, what came to my mind is we have this expression, non-discriminating wisdom. It's a wisdom which doesn't discriminate between... this way and that way. So it's not like trying to go this way rather than that way. It's actually being with all these wishes without discriminating between them, without getting caught by them.

[57:36]

And Suzuki Rishi said, non-discrimination is not not discriminating. Non-discrimination is not not discriminating. It is to study everything. So we're out in the ocean, there's discrimination going on, and there's interest in studying this, but not that. Non-discrimination is when you're out in the ocean of discrimination, you let it be, and you study everything. You study the boat going this way, you study the boat going that way. You study the boat flipping over, you study the boat coming upright. That's the mind that doesn't have an abode. That's the mind which protects the thought of enlightenment.

[58:37]

And that is the mind of what we're aspiring to. So just check out, are you up for studying everything? Are you up for investigating every person you meet? Are you up for studying every feeling you have? Are you up for investigating every emotion you have? Or are you kind of like just doing some other wave of get away from this emotion and go look for another one? But it's not like we don't have that. It's just we study that. We study going... trying to get away, we study trying to get more, we study trying to get less, in non-discrimination. Just give it a try to study everything. No, no, no. Study everything that's happening, including wanting it to be different.

[59:42]

Study that too. Investigate that too. Oh, that's a, yeah. Thoroughly investigate all phenomena. That's how we realize the truth of all phenomena. How do we investigate it? We start by, I guess, wishing to investigate. I would like to investigate. Like, I'm looking at somebody's face. Oh, and I'd like to investigate that face. I'd like to wonder what that face is. I'd like to wonder who that person is without getting a hold of who that person is. Just wondering. Which is also compassion in the form of I'm not saying they're this or that. I'm welcoming this superficial experience of them. Everybody I experience is an ocean and everybody I experience has a surface. I can see the surface.

[60:47]

The surface looks happy. The surface looks sad. I can see it and there can be kindness for it or not. And kindness is to wonder, who is that? Who is that? What is this? That's part of kindness. And being careful with this and respectful. This is part of compassion. You just told us the thought just now, right? The thought that you've been practicing. So that's another wave. This is another wave. And instead of really looking and examining the anger, I would be very present and very thin and probably disassociate what I was doing from the anger.

[61:49]

And then thinking that I wasn't getting angry anymore. But I think that was the wrong thing. So the practice is being really present while looking at it and examining all of it, not being really present to pretend it's happening. Do you see this little place? I do. So here's the anger, and compassion is present with the anger. So here's the anger wave coming. and compassion is present with it. Compassion is generous with it, and so on. Now, here it comes, and instead of compassion, we have, let's avoid it. Let's do something to avoid this anger wave. This wish to avoid it, or suppress it, or bypass it, that wish is calling for compassion. So we have waves and we have trying to get around waves.

[62:50]

The waves and the trying to get around them, they're both calling for compassion. So this is what we're trying to learn, how not to get thrown off in the turbulence. Okay, here comes anger. It got met. Great. And then here comes the thought. Was I avoiding the anger? Meet that. Not like, yes, you were, no, you weren't. Okay, so good enough. Here's the anger. I thought I met it. but I wonder if I was. So that wondering if I was is another wave to be kind to. Or I wasn't. I wasn't compassionate to this anger. I wasn't. That's another thing to be kind to. Or I was. Yippee! That's another thing to be kind to. This is the training about how to swim on the ocean to realize the bodhisattva samadhi, where the ocean surface and the ocean depth, where the superficial and the profound are sealed perfectly.

[63:56]

And if they're sealed perfectly, then we can, if we realize that perfect ceiling, that ceiling is already there, but if we realize it, then we will study everything that happens, including, yes? When I ask myself the question, and I'm up for studying everything. Part of my answer is... Wait a second, before you answer the question, you're asking the question and now be compassionate to the question before the answer. Welcome the question. Be respectful of the question. Don't jump away from the question into the answer. Sometimes people ask us questions that we don't have an answer right away. There's some time there to take care of the question. Here's the question. Am I trying to get this question answered? Do I respect this question? Or do I feel like, thanks for the question, now let's get the answer. Yeah, that's quite common.

[65:02]

Like people ask questions and then the bodhisattva says, that's a good question. And the person says, I'm not asking you to compliment my question. I want to answer. I'm not asking the question to get your love of my question. I'm asking you to give me something that I can get a hold of rather than just love. Okay. This is an orientation. to disorientation. The disorientation is going to keep arising and ceasing. Here's the disorientation, now it's gone. I'm trying to orient the practice of studying everything, of investigating everything that I'm aware of on the surface.

[66:10]

May I call upon you, Christine Allen? Is there anything you want to tell us? I can't speak right now. Pardon? I can't speak right now. You can't speak right now. Okay. Please accept my apologies if I shouldn't have asked that. No, no, no. I appreciate your... Yes, Charlie. trying to realize that if you were just nice to everybody then it would work out. What happened before that? It was a Sunday afternoon and as you know traditionally we have Sunday before Monday and school did not open on Sunday. So I'm on Sunday and I'm in my room and I'm pretty anxious and disturbed and

[67:29]

kind of very self-concerned. I'm kind of stuck in my own concern, you know, about what my fellow students think about me or feel about me or do they love me, do they hate me, do they respect me? I was caught up in that kind of turbulence. Pardon? What led to what? My whole life led to that Sunday afternoon. Yeah. And in the past, I had been concerned about what the girls at school and the boys at school thought of me and what the teachers do. In the past, I was concerned about that. This was not the first time this happened. This was not the first time this happened. This had been happening for years. This was the first time that I had this thought of, oh, If I would just go to school with the intention of being kind to those people, all this self-concern would kind of calm down.

[68:36]

It wouldn't necessarily evaporate. It would just calm down. Because my focus is not on ascertaining whether I'm popular or unpopular, whether I'm most likely to succeed. It's not about that. It's about trying to be kind to this ocean of students. And I saw that and I just, I was really relieved. I didn't stop being concerned. I just relieved. That thought just calmed the whole ocean. I don't know. How come that came up? I have various theories. You can say, you can start to specify some particular causes that made it come up. But a lot of things led to it. A lot of past suffering led to it. And I think before that happened, another story which was, I think maybe before, I think before. Yeah.

[69:40]

I was a juvenile delinquent before 13. When I was 12, I was a juvenile delinquent. And there was a man who lived across the hall from me in the apartment. And... My mother asked him to talk to me. And this guy loved me. He was my neighbor, but he loved me. And he told me about his juvenile delinquency. See, it wasn't like, I'm this adult, kind, wonderful man, and you're this juvenile delinquent. He told me, I used to be like that too. And then he told me some stories. I said, wow. You really were. You really were. You did some terrible things. And that's what he was telling me, that he was just as delinquent as I was. Wasn't looking down on me. He loved me.

[70:44]

And he said to me, you know, it's easy to be bad. And he knew that. And I knew that. said what's hard is to be good and I thought oh okay I want to try it and it was hard and it has been hard since that time that's when I was 12 and when I was 13 I kept it kept being hard to do something good and then I saw something that seemed good and possible so many many stories contributed to the arising of this thought which it had the Buddha says that when something's true, beneficial, and timely, the Buddha says it. So I'd heard this, and then on that Sunday afternoon, it was afternoon, I believe, it arose, and it had a big impact on my life. Even though I wasn't able to do it the next day, it continued to be something I aspired to.

[71:47]

But I realized, I need some help here. Because just me and the ocean of students, I just get pushed around. I can't even remember. Now, what was I going to school for? Yeah, to be kind. I would forget that and slip into, I went to school to be popular. That's why I went. I went to school to be famous. But I already had a long history of that in school. Yes. Hi. I feel almost like I'm swimming in an ocean of words. Yeah. I wanted to go back. It's back now. When you said conjoined mind, there's a time when it's conjoined and you're no longer, I don't think you said caught in arising and ceasing, but that might fit there.

[72:54]

Yeah, I think when you're in this samadhi, you are no longer caught. Right, so to me, I was turning that, and I thought that's two things. One is that you make a commitment, whether it's to kind or compassion or study, you make that the commitment, and then you trust whatever's happening as you... work this muscle of commitment to compassion or kind. I don't know about... What do you mean by trust whatever is happening? That whatever is happening is worthy of study. Yes. You don't trust what's happening. Whatever is happening is worthy of compassion. That's a commitment. No, it's not a commitment. That's just a thought. You could have that thought. Whatever is happening... is calling for and worthy of compassion, but not commit to it.

[73:59]

Commitment is another step. Okay, how about, I was thinking trust in mind. Trust, trust as well. Like, can I just trust whatever's happening? No, you don't trust whatever's happening. You trust compassion. And you can trust compassion. I trusted compassion on that Sunday afternoon. I trusted that compassion. I trusted it. But I didn't actually commit to it. That's what I'm saying. So I went with this trust, but it needed more support to not get knocked out. So then I gradually found training to support the trust. And part of the training is to make a commitment. But that, when you said, I like the word conjoin, is that commitment is like conjoining? We're already conjoined. We're already conjoined. The conjoin is reality.

[75:00]

But to realize the conjoined, we have to be compassionate to the part of the conjoined that we see and think is different. But you don't want to leave. Part of being conjoined is not leaving the world of with not leaving compassion, it's not leaving the world that's calling for compassion. If you don't leave it, you'll realize that it's always joined with the totality. Louder. The Buddha mind seal is the way we're conjoined. that our surface mind is conjoined with the deep mind, that our deluded mind is conjoined with the Buddha mind. That's the Buddha-sealed samadhi. And in the moment of that samadhi, we don't hold on to any of the waves. They're still wavy, they're still turbulent, but we don't get hung up on them.

[76:05]

We ride them. We respect them. We're compassionate to the waves so we don't get pushed around. And then we realize, oh, this messy waves have always been conjoined with the un-messy, beginningless, endless freedom and peace. But a little bit of not being willing to study this will throw us off for the moment. But then when we're thrown off, we have a chance to recover by being covered, by being kind to, I just got thrown off by... trying to get a hold of this process. And I'm sorry. Everything is all conjoined and you have a thought of leaving anything, that's the solution. Yeah. Everything's conjoined and the thought of leaving is conjoined with not having that thought.

[77:10]

Like the Buddha doesn't think, I'm leaving. I'm leaving this ocean of suffering the Buddha doesn't but if the Buddha did think that the Buddha would be compassionate to that and it would not create a discrepancy it would not create separation so separation is an illusion and the illusion of separation is calling for compassion and if the compassion arrives the illusion of separation doesn't get annihilated, it just is what is conjoined with beyond that delusion. We awaken to the seal, the perfect seal of that delusion with the ocean that's completely free and peaceful. I think it's time to stop.

[78:13]

Thank you so much for this orientation.

[78:22]

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