In this world of suffering, still, there's joy. As one of our ancestors said, but it's like finding a pearl in a pile of dung. There is joy, joy being here with you. Today, as usual in this little temple, we are devoted, joyfully devoted, to giving birth to bodhisattvas and nurturing them to maturity.

[01:15]

devoted to making bodhisattvas in this world and helping them become more and more mature, more and more helpful, more and more compassionate. For this purpose, We have been exploring intimate conversations between bodhisattvas. We've been looking at conversations between bodhisattvas in the great Buddha, Avatamsaka.

[02:22]

Sutra, the great flower adornment scripture. This great scripture is full of intimate conversations between bodhisattvas. And recently, we've been doing this for three years now, and we are now at book 18 of of the 39 books. Could you go get that little container? We're at book 18 of the 39 books, and book 18 is called, as some of you may remember, Clarifying Dharma. What's the name of book 18 again? Clarifying Dharma. That's the name of it. Clarifying Dharma. The Dharma of Bodhisattva Practice.

[03:26]

That's the name of the book. Of course, the whole sutra is about clarifying the Dharma of Bodhisattva Practice. Thank you. In this book 18, We heard. We heard what was called for. We hear what is called for on the Bodhisattva Path. We heard, and we will hear more today, about what is called for in Bodhisattva Path. Would you like to hear what's called for?

[04:33]

This may be quite familiar to you, but here's a story about what this sutra tells us we bodhisattvas are called for and what we're calling for. We are called to be diligent. We are called to be careful. and generous and respectful and gentle with all beings. We are called to be patient with all beings, with all beings we see and all beings we feel and all beings we think. We are being called to be patient. And we're calling for patience. We're calling for people to be patient with us. And some of them are.

[05:37]

I have a friend who calls me Tali as intolerant. we are being called to joyfully, courageously, devotedly, and deeply study the teachings of the bodhisattva practice. And in this devoted, deep study, to not grasp anything. Studying the teaching, about bodhisattva practice. Without grasping, we enter it. Studying may or may not be difficult. Let's say, for example, it might be easy today to deeply study the teachings.

[06:45]

But not grasping them is more of a challenge, especially after you study them deeply. Before you study them deeply, you might say, I'm not attached to them. I don't even know what they are. Fine. Now study them deeply and then see if you can now cling to them. After you did all this study, in the last week, last month, I talked about how, you remember how Nakamura sensei teaches tea, taught tea, that she got us to study the tea deeply and then Of course, when we started, we didn't think we knew anything about it, and we couldn't attach to it because we didn't know what it was. But as we studied it more and more, we could kind of see almost like we could almost do the practice. But not quite. If we did a little bit more, we could really get it. But just before we really got it, we'd move on to another practice.

[07:50]

And the same with that one. Just before we really got it, we'd move on to another one. And then before we got that, we go back to the beginning one. And I thought afterwards, how can we stand to deeply, devotedly study something without getting anything? I think it needs to be beautiful. The beauty can sustain us in our practice where we don't grasp anything. This deep study, this deep practice, without grasping anything, could also be called bodhisattva love. Bodhisattvas love all beings, they're devoted to all beings, they respect all beings, they're patient with all beings, and they don't grasp it.

[09:00]

They love all beings, but you don't have to like all beings. Also, you don't have to dislike them. Disliking beings is another being to love. Liking beings is another being to love. Love is not like or dislike. It is complete devotion. It is patience and respect and gentleness and generosity. and tranquility and patience without grasping. This is the bodhisattva love. And love is a word I rarely use without thinking. You use it a lot more than you used to. Right, but I rarely use it without thinking. I use it more often with thinking. And I think, oh, this is going to be a lot to use that word.

[10:05]

But again, part of the difficulty that I think about is that when I say the word, people often think of appreciation or affection with grasping. That's not what I mean by bodhisattva love. Bodhisattva love is loving beings without any trying to control them. Such good tea, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. The content and context of this bodhisattva love is deep study, is intimate conversation. Dare I say, holy communion. is the context of bodhisattva love.

[11:11]

We don't do it by ourselves. Nobody does it for us. We can't do it by ourselves. Nobody does it for us. The deep conversation is where it happens, where it lives. So, book 18, has this holy communion between two bodhisattvas. One's name is... Vigorous? Yes, vigorous. Vigorous. Joyful, diligent wisdom. And Dharma wisdom, bodhisattva. So, vigorous wisdom. goes to Dharma wisdom and says, please clarify this bodhisattva practice. And then he asks a wonderful series of questions for Dharma wisdom to relate to.

[12:22]

And Dharma wisdom praises vigorous wisdom's questions and says, you ask these questions because you're already liberated. Dharma, vigorous wisdom's already liberated. And he still keeps asking questions. Over and over I say, when bodhisattvas are liberated, they ask questions. They also ask the questions when they're not liberated. After they're free, they really go to town asking questions. Thank you for your questions, liberated bodhisattvas. That's what Dharma wisdom says to vigorous wisdom. Good questions. Great, thank you so much. And then he goes, he relates to vigorous wisdom's questions. This is the bodhisattva love of vigorous wisdom and dharma wisdom, bodhisattvas.

[13:23]

This is in the sutra, book 18. And there's many more conversations. It's amazing how many wonderful conversations. And in our sort of like non-sutra life, our historical life, we have this thing called Zen happening in China. And some people are said to be Zen teachers. And among these Zen teachers and the Zen students, there's intimate conversations. Right? And those intimate conversations are sometimes called public cases, koans. Public cases of what? Of intimate conversations, wherein bodhisattva love is being exercised.

[14:29]

So these Zen conversations are conversations of bodhisattva love. Some of the people here are, they tell me their practice is koan introspection. They're introspecting on these bodhisattva dialogues of love. They're looking inward to see if they can find that loving conversation in response to reading the story. Right? And it's so wonderful when we find the love in the story. We find the real conversation in the story of the conversation.

[15:33]

And the love doesn't necessarily look like what you might think love looks like. For example, love in China might look different than love in California. These are stories about Chinese people who loved each other, who were devoted to each other. Want to hear some? Yes. Okay, so one of the stories is about a teacher. And the teacher's name is Dizong. That's my Chinese pronunciation of earth store. How would you say it? Earth store. Dizong. Dizong. And he's called Dizong because he was the teacher, he was the abbot of a monastery. And guess what the name of the monastery was? Dizong.

[16:42]

Dizong. So it's traditional to name the teacher's of the temple after the temple. Deesong in Japanese, pronunciation of those characters, earth store is Jizo. Earth store temple. The temple of the great Bodhisattva, Jizo. So the Zen teacher, the Chinese Zen teacher, Jizo appeared first in India and got transmitted to China and got transmitted to Tibet. In Sanskrit, it's Kishtagarbha Bodhisattva, Earth Store. Kishtagarbha. In Chinese, Jizo, in Japanese, Jizo. I don't know what it is in Tibetan, but Tibetan's...

[17:45]

They translate Kishtagarpa into Tibetan. It's in Korea. So there's probably billions of statues of Jizo in India, China, Japan, Korea, and Tibet. And now there's quite a few in America. So there is this bodhisattva named Jizo who lived... in Jizo Temple. And case 12 about this monk is called Dizang Planting Fields, or Dizang Plants the Fields. And the introduction is, in English, scholars plow with a brush.

[18:48]

Most of the translators translate it into pen, but it's a brush pen. Scholars plow the field with a brush. Orators plow the field with a tongue. We monks, we patrol monks, We just lazily watch a white ox on open ground. The bodhisattvas, basically what they're doing is they're watching the white ox. What's the white ox? It's bodhisattva love. We're not riding it. We're not controlling it. We adore it. Lazily.

[19:50]

Not real intensely. If we adore it intensely, it might say, would you stop adoring me intensely? Okay, okay. Anyway, there he was in his monastery, and somebody comes to visit him. Who? A Chinese Zen monk. named Shushan. And there's a backstory on this Shushan, which I'll tell you later, if you remind me. So Shushan comes to see Dishan, who he's met before. This story's not the first time they've met. So he's coming to see the teacher again, and the teacher says, where are you coming from? Like, where have you been? Where are you coming from? And Shishan says, from the south.

[20:56]

And Di Sang says, how is Buddhism in the south? And Shishan says, there's a lot of discussion going on. And I just want to confess to you that when I say a whole lot of discussion going on, the thought arises, splish, splash, I was taking a bath long about a Saturday night. A whole lot of shaking going on. So... When Di Sang hears that there's a lot of discussion going on, he says, how does that compare to me here, planting the fields and making rice to eat?

[22:04]

And Shishan says, well, what do you do about the world? All this huge world with all this suffering. Di Sang lovingly says, what do you call the world? His love is to ask him that question. Also, to say, where do you come from? Di Sang loves Shishan without trying to get anything. And what does he do? He says, where are you coming from? Then he says, he lovingly says, as a generous gift, how's Buddhism in the soul? And then he says, how does it compare to what I'm doing here? And then he says, what do you call the world? This is the Bodhifat's love story. Pisan and Shushan. I don't know if you see the love yet, but if I keep talking, maybe you will.

[23:14]

Do you see it? Yeah. Well, some of you maybe don't, so here we go. Before that, I don't know how long before that, whether it was two months, two years, but before that conversation which I just told you about, Xu Shan was traveling with some of his Dharma friends. He was traveling with a monk called Fa Yan, which means Dharma I, Vayan. He and Shishang were traveling in central China with... Tell me the other names, just a second. They were traveling... Oh, I have it here. They were traveling with... with Jinxang...

[24:20]

and Wudong, the four of them were traveling, in the mountains of east-central China called the Lake District. And they ran into rain and snow and swollen valley streams, kind of like winter in east-central China. And it says, they put up at a temple called... Desaf. Somehow they went to the temple to find a shelter. And they put up there. And then they gathered around a brazier to keep warmth. It doesn't say maybe they did before they gathered around the fire to warm up.

[25:28]

Maybe they did go and pay their respects to the abbot and said, can we stay here? Maybe they did. It doesn't say so. But maybe they did. But even if they did, now they're happy because they're warming up. And then guess what happens? Guess. Di Sang comes. Di Sang who loves these visitors. So he goes over to them and he says there's something I'd like to ask about. There's something I'd like to ask about. May I? And Shushan says, if you have something to ask about, go ahead.

[26:33]

And then Di Sang says, the mountains and the rivers are and the great earth, are they separate or not from you elders? And Shishan says, separate. And Ditsang raises two fingers. Maybe like this. Or maybe like this. Anyway, he raises two fingers. And then Shishan hurriedly says, Identical, identical. And Shishan raises two fingers and leaves. May I say, this is Chinese Zen bodhisattva love. After Di Song leaves, Fa Yan says,

[27:47]

what did the abbot mean when he held up two fingers? And Shushan said, oh, he just said that randomly. He just said that arbitrarily. He just said that as a whimper. this Xu Zhan Bodhisattva is quite a guy. And then Fa Yan said, don't crudely insult him. I think maybe the next day the weather cleared and they were about to leave. And Fa Yan said to his comrades, you guys go ahead.

[28:53]

I'm going to stay here for a while. This teacher might have a strong point. If not, I'll come looking for you. So they leave and he stays. And he studies with Fa Yan. with these songs for a long time. And I guess, I'm guessing, that when Shushan came back and asked, came back to visit, my guess is that Bhai Yan was still there.

[29:59]

He stayed a long time. We usually refer to a long time with the teacher as 30 years. I don't know if it's exactly 30 years, but he stayed... about 30 years, in other words, a long time. So back to the case about planting the fields and making rice to eat. Centuries later, another teacher wrote a verse celebrating Di Tsong's love. Want to hear the verse? Yeah. Did you say no? No, I said yeah. Source and exclamations, source and elucidations variously are all made up.

[31:10]

Would you say that again? Source and explanations variously are all made up. Referring to, there's a lot of discussion going on in the South. You know, God bless the discussors, but they're just making this stuff up. Okay, that's the first line. Next line is, passing to the ear from mouth, it all comes apart. It all comes apart. It all comes apart. planting the fields, making rice, ordinary household activity. Only those who have investigated to the full would know. And having investigated to the full,

[32:19]

you clearly know there's nothing to seek. So you plant the fields or you sit in meditation, something like that. I could excerpt, I could edit this poem, but I'm going to read it to you. because even in China they didn't understand this verse necessarily. The next line is a little bit more difficult. It says, Jifan, after all, didn't care about being enfeeched as a marquis. So this is a Chinese ancestor who got appointed marquis in a high, noble position by the emperor. And he didn't care about it. So after he got appointed, he left the capital and went back home.

[33:24]

He returned, same as fishes and birds, and washed his feet in the Zhongling River. Hazy waters of autumn. Disan, I must say, doesn't care about being enfeefed as a great Zen master. Practicing great bodhisattva love, we're not concerned about high honors. It's getting quite late, and I could or could not bring up another story.

[34:29]

I could bring up the other story in the afternoon. Maybe that would be good. And the other story, guess who it's about? Shinsha. Hmm? Shinsha? Actually, it's not... Shinsha isn't featured in the next story. Who's... Huh? Fa-yen's featured. And guess who else is in the story? I believe you should tell that story now. D-Song. The next story is about D-Song again. And guess who? Fa-Yan. Give us a clue. A clue of the story? I'll give you a clue by telling you the story. It's a shorty. And there's quite a bit, and there's a poem. But I won't do the poem now. I'll do the poem this afternoon. Here's the story.

[35:30]

It's very, very famous. Very, very famous. Famous! It's very famous! You've heard it before, most of you. So, here we have Dizong, with his student, Fa Yan, who, by the way, is the founder of one of the five schools of Zen. And Fa Yan's been with the teacher for 30 years, and... Is it about the dog? Pardon? Is it about the case about the dog? No, it's a different story. Okay. That story is two cases before this case. This is case 20. The story about the dog is case 18. You want to hear that one too? No.

[36:34]

So Fa Yan, the name of this case is Fa Yan's nearness or Fa Yan's most intimate. It's a hint. I said, no. Okay, so you got, did I say Fa-Yin? Mistake. Di-Sang's newest. Di-Sang's most infamous. Now, Di-Sang is in the temple Di-Sang, and guess who comes to see him? Fa-Yin. And he says to Fa-Yin, who apparently is wearing his backpack, He says, where are you going? And Fa-yen says, I'm going around on pilgrimage. And Di-sung says, what's the purpose of pilgrimage?

[37:38]

What's the thing? Actually, he says, what's the thing of pilgrimage? I could say, there's a modern version of it. Where are you going? I'm going on pilgrimage. Is that a thing? And Fa Yan says, don't know. Where are you going? Around on pilgrimage. Is that a thing? Don't know. And then Di Song says, not knowing is most intimate. So I'll bring up more about that leader. You got a hint?

[38:44]

Okay, well, good luck with that hint. I hope you enjoy that. Is it a thing? Is Buddha Dharma a thing? Can we do a poem? It's afternoon. Or I could do it now and again this afternoon. Okay, okay. Yeah, I'll do it now and I'll go through it this afternoon. But going through it, it takes quite a bit of time. So here's the poem. Here's English translation. of a Chinese poem written by Hongzhi, who compiled the Book of Serenity. And he proposed that the central teaching of Soto Zen is the teaching of the Hua Yan, of the flower adornment scripture. He's part of the reason we're studying the scripture, is he was really showing how the teaching of this scripture is the teaching of our school.

[39:53]

So the poem that he wrote is, like the one back in 12, having studied to the full. Having studied to the full is like before. Having shed entirely the finest thread. he reaches not knowing. Having shed the finest thread, he reaches not knowing. Let it be short, let it be long, stop cutting and pruning. Going along with the high, going along with the low, things are leveled of themselves.

[40:57]

Abundance and scarcity of the family are used according to occasion. Roaming serenely over the land, he goes where his feet take him. The purpose of 30 years of pilgrimage. Clearly, he has turned his back on one pair of eyebrows. Can you wait? I hope so. That's celebrating this love story. Yes. Was this foreshadowing a myth?

[42:04]

Yes, it was. When he held up his fingers, he went like this. Thank you. It works better to do it this way. It's a whole different message. Oh, I forgot to tell you last morning, which I thought was too obscured, but now I'm going to tell you something like, what about Pindola rubbing his eyebrows with both hands? That's the final line, which I thought was too obscure. Pindola was one of the Shakyamuni Buddha's leading disciples, and he rubbed his eyebrows with his both hands. She knew that.

[43:09]

Maybe she was Pindola once. Probably. Yes. A very small thing that... I just thought you'd want to know that Splish Splash, I Was Taking a Bath and A Whole Lotta Shaking Going On are two different songs. Okay. Splish Splash, I Was Taking a Bath. But you meant a whole lot of shaking going on? Let me just... Let's do the one I started. Okay. Splish Splash, I Was Taking a Bath along about a Saturday night... Rugged up, just relaxing in the tub. Rugged up, relaxing in the tub. Thinking everything was all right. Thinking everything was all right. And then along came Susie or something like that. But the whole lot of Shake It going on was a different song, which you also raised.

[44:13]

I don't want to belabor this point. That was good. I appreciate getting the full, getting the longer verse. I felt you'd want to know that a whole lot of shaking going on was connected with a whole lot of discussion going on. Yeah. Splish Splash is also a very wonderful poem. Just rubbed up, just relaxing in the tub. Yeah, thank you. But they were different. Thank you. A whole lot of discussion. This is Bodhisattva Love, correcting the guys. recitation of songs. I just love it. Reverend, I grew up with exactly the same early rock and roll advertisements, your hit parade. Yeah, early rock and roll. Rock and roll started when we were kids. Old enough to hear it.

[45:14]

Like, in some of the songs I heard, I guess, strictly speaking, were not rock and roll. Like... Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. You know, it's 16 tons, what do you want? Another day, oh, get deeper in that. I said, Peter, don't you call me, because I can't go. I owe my soul to the company store. If you see me coming, better step aside. A lot of men didn't, a lot of men died. One fist of iron, the other of steel. If the right one don't get you, then the left one will. Some people say a man is made out of mud.

[46:18]

A poor man's made out of muscle and blood. Muscle and blood and skin and bones. A mind that's weak and a back that's strong. You wrote 16 tons and what do you get? Another day older and deeper in depth. I said, Peter, don't shut up because I'll keep you. I remember when I first heard that song, I said to my mother, that's going to be a big hit. So it looks like there's no other comments from the Great Assembly today. Not right now.

[47:25]

No comments from Vasya. She can't make comments, but not today. Yes? You were talking about loving without grasping. Loving without grasping. You know, you were speaking quite a bit out there. And I wondered, is there some redundancy in that? Louder. Is there redundancy in that? Louder. Is there redundancy in that? Good job. Like, in other words, if you're grasping, it sort of goes against loving. I agree. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. So you love something, and you hold it, you care for it, not too tight. And if it wants to go, you let it go.

[48:26]

But sometimes, if you hold something once, you can let it go. But if you take care of it for a long time, you start to subtly get attached. You don't even notice it sometimes. Like, I sometimes use the example of, you know, we used to have the mailman would bring the mail to your house and then go away. Is that still happening? Some places? Yeah. So the mailman comes, puts the mail at your house, and goes away. And then, after that happens for quite a long time, Maybe years. You might never talk to the mailman. But then somebody else comes. Not the mailman, but some other person. And you realize that you're really feeling sad. That you lost the mailman.

[49:33]

You didn't think you were getting attached to the mailman. But you did. Just... Day after day, here comes the mailman. We start to cling to it. Now, not to mention, if you love the mailman, if you adore the mailman, and you adore the milkman, and you adore the iceman, then you're more at risk, even, maybe, of clinging. But when our devotion is really wholehearted, we realize there's nothing to get a hold of. Thank you, Jeff. Thank you, Sonia. Can't we have sadness without missing the mailman, without having grasped? I mean, it's just... I'm not going to go quite that far to say you cannot have sadness unless you're attached to something.

[50:40]

I'm not gonna go that far. But basically, I don't think Buddha feels sad when we die. I think Buddha's right there with us when we die. Buddha's not attached to us, and so when we die, Buddha's not sad. Buddha is delighted in knowing us, in practicing compassion with us. But the compassion's so full, there's no attachment, And Buddha does not feel sad. If we feel sad, Buddha feels the pain of our sadness. But Buddha's not really sad in watching the river flow by. Yes? I say that. You just hit something there with me. If Buddha watches you dive all day, she is delighted in just knowing you. And what if Buddha sees... Children being massacred and innocent people being massacred and people being devastated.

[51:45]

Not sad? I don't think sad. I think excruciating pain. Pain. Excruciating pain. Does Buddha shed tears? And Buddha is crying. Crying. Buddha is crying in pain of seeing people being cruel. So Buddha does have tears. Buddha has tears. They come down the Buddha's face. But it's not sad. Okay, that's all I need to hear. It's sympathetic pain. Deep pain. Sometimes we call that sad. You can do that. I'm just saying. Sadness that I mean is usually associated with holding on to something that's not around anymore. If you want to use sadness for when people are being cruel to each other, okay. And I think it's more than sad. I feel like sad, for me, sad is medicine. Sad is medicine.

[52:47]

If you eat and drink the sadness, you let go of what you're holding on to. It's medicine. Grief is medicine. For people who are attached to something that's not around anymore. It's a waste of of energy to hold on to things that are not around, to appreciate them, to be grateful for them, to be devoted to them, like we're devoted to the Buddha, we're devoted to Suzuki Rashi. We appreciate his teaching. We adore his teaching. We adored him. But we don't have to hold on to him. And you know, It's possible not to hold on to it, dear teachers. Let the teacher go with gratitude. But if you're holding on to the teacher, then you get a present, you get a gift, a medicinal gift called sadness.

[53:54]

And if you drink the sadness, you'll let go of the teacher, which is more respectful than holding on, letting go of the teacher. Do we have to say adored in the past Can we just say a door? You can say a door in the present tense too. By the way, there's a picture over there of the Buddha getting ready to go and some of the students are holding on to the Buddha and they're sad and their sadness is going to help them let go of the Buddha. You know, the bodhisattvas are not crying. They just see their beautiful teacher. That's all they see. They're not crying because... of sadness. And I have told you this story before, but I went to see my father after he died. I was with him at his bed when he was, every breath I thought he was going to die.

[54:57]

And I was with him every breath. He didn't die. I went every exhale. I thought, this is it. This is it. And I just happily was with my dear father while he was exhaling, and then he inhaled. I spent several days with him, and it was lovely. And he was fine. This is when he's sleeping, right? Taking a nap. I thought he was going to die during his nap, but he didn't. So then I left Minneapolis and went back to San Francisco. My brother called me and said, Dad has died. And I said, okay. I was ready for it. I was ready to let go of my dear father. And then he went, and I was okay. I went back to see him, and I walked up to the casket and looked at him, and I just saw my beautiful dad, who was so good to me.

[56:01]

He wasn't perfect. He was just great. And I burst into tears, and I haven't had any tears like that that I could ever remember. And I was so joyful for these tears to come. It was just tears of delight and joy in my beautiful, sweet dad, who, by the way, was good-looking. Even in the casket, he was still very handsome. How could we have such a handsome father? Anyway, I was not sad, and I'm still not. I just loved him, I'm grateful to him, and he sacrificed his life for his children by setting bad examples. He showed us the wrong way to go.

[57:03]

Yes? Do you miss him? I miss him, yeah. And I'm not sad about Suzuki Rishi. I miss him. I wish I could talk to him. I don't miss people. I tend to feel sad. I miss Suzuki Rishi. I don't feel sad. I miss Dogen. I don't feel sad. I miss Shakyamuni. I don't feel sad. I feel joyful of them being in our life. Now, if I had a chance to see him, I would definitely like to. I miss the Buddha. I miss all the ancestors. I miss, I miss Ditsong. I miss him. What a sweet guy he was. I would love to meet him. I would love to meet Dogen with the greats. I got to meet Sikorshi. It was just a blessing. Nothing to, for me, nothing to be sad about. I got both time.

[58:06]

I'm not saying, why didn't I get more serious with him? No. I'm just grateful for that little bit of time. I was so blessed. We were so blessed. I'm not sad. I'm blessed. I'm grateful. However, there are some things I am sad about, like I'm sad about losing my old body, that body that used to be able to do various things, which I can't do anymore. I'm sad about that. I'm a little attached to my body. I'm grateful that I had one like that, but I'm also a little attached to it. And the attachment, I did not appreciate it as being helpful. The attachment is unhelpful. It makes it more difficult for me to take care of this body. And being sad helped me then, okay, let's take care of this one, shall we? Let's take care of this one.

[59:10]

I'm a little sad about the bodies I've lost, all those bodies, and all those minds. I recently went to the ER. ER? I went? What? Recently? Yeah. Let's see, where'd I go? About two weeks ago. Why? No, no, more recently. Oh, about a week ago. About a week ago, I went to sit in the morning at the Zendo at Enso Village. I got up, and I felt dizzy. And I was really quite dizzy. And I was kind of stamping, stamping around in the Zendo so everybody could notice how dizzy I was. And then I got out of the Zendo. I didn't fall down, but I was having trouble. And then I went outside, and there was a bench outside the Zendo. I sat there. And people said, you know, should we call 911?

[60:14]

I said, well, let's wait a while. And I was thinking, well, I feel better now. Maybe that's okay. I was getting ready kind of to go up to my little apartment and to lie down to rest. And then I saw somebody coming. Somebody called Rissa. She looked pretty serious. Somebody told her about this dizzy husband. So she's coming. So she took me to the ER. Now one of the great things about Enzo is it's about two, about three or four feet from the ER. It's really close. So I went to see, you know, have them check me out to see if... Did I have a stroke?

[61:20]

What was it? Yeah, so you go to the ER and there's parking. Then you go into the ER and there's nobody there but the receptionist. And then you check in and they sit down and they say, Mr. Andrews, you wait for zero minutes, and then you go in, and then the nurse comes, and then the nurse leaves, and then the doctor comes. It's very nice. So anyway, they couldn't find any problems, but I brought this up because they did a CAT scan of the skull, and they noticed that the brain in the skull is the brain of an older person. Very surprising. I wasn't surprised, but still I was a little sad for my... the younger brain.

[62:22]

The younger, wet brain. So all brains kind of dry out. So I felt a little sad for this brain. For the loss of those wet brains. Young brains, they're gone. But that sadness helps me like, okay, let's take care of this one. Thanks for the tea. I'm going to go drink some water now. I think the next person was Homa, and then I see Linda pointing to Linda. Okay, Homa? Yes, I think my question is... a different angle from what Jeff was saying, and that is about compassion and love, which we had a discussion in the document song, is the ability to seek compassion and love in attachment and no attachment, in control and in no control.

[63:36]

So that... what you remind me of the practice is more wholesome or is more whole than picking and saying, okay, if it's attached, then the love is not where it's attached. Or if it's detached, if it's free, love is where it's free, whereas love is everywhere. Whether it's attached, detached, whether it makes no difference. Yeah, so let's practice it. I just had a thought about feeling sad when someone is gone or leaves. And that it has to do with regret at not having been fully present when the person was there. Yeah, that's, yeah, regret. Like regret that I wasn't really there for them.

[64:39]

Or with them. I wasn't with them. I wasn't here. I regret that. And so is that... And that's medicinal too. That's medicinal also. So it's possible that you would be with someone and not attached to them. Not attached. But also... not diligently present for them. So the regret for not being present, you reveal to the Buddhas, and then you melt away the root of not being present. I was thinking that the reason why you might not end up feeling a sadness with a departure of someone that you do value deeply could be that you have been fully present in your appreciation and connection.

[65:41]

Yep, yep. Yeah, so get with that program. That's right. And you said, let's practice it. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Yes? I was just pivoting out of Deborah and then kind of what... ...Linda... Speaking of shrinking brown. I was thinking, you tell the story about plowing the field and what do you call the world? And I think if we say sad to plow the field, what are you calling sadness? Sadness is just a word, but to really plow what that is, it could be regret or... Any number of things, depending on what's going on. And so how the introduction was, the scholars plow with the brush, the orators plow with the tongue.

[66:46]

We bodhisattvas plow by remembering the one white ox. A bodhisattva law. We were always doing that. We also might do sing calligraphy. or give a talk. But no matter what we're doing, we're watching the big white bull. We're watching how we're doing this together. One vehicle together. That's what we're doing. That's our compassion. No matter what. Yes? I know that translation is very easy. Not lazy like lazy. More like relaxed. I'm kind of in a mellow way. In a mellow way, I'm riveted on this white bowl. In a mellow way, I remember bodhisattva compassion, rather than like, compassion, compassion.

[67:46]

This relaxed way, we can keep it up. It's not draining us. We're not overdoing it. Thank you. Okay. Just quickly. Because I've had problems over the years with love. I've recently discovered that in Persian there's 80 different words and different possibilities for the word love. In farce? Yes. In some way and freely. Let's go to Iran. How that would be possibilities. So I know I only had 80 words for compassion, and we have a few here too. So let's practice. All right. Okay.

[68:49]

Thank you so much.

[68:51]

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