You're wondering if acknowledging the things you're letting go of is a way of grieving? Acknowledging the things you're letting go of. If you let go of something, the grieving's over. So I think acknowledging the things you let go of is a post-grieving practice. Grieving sounds like sadness to me. Yeah, grieving and sadness, I would use synonymously. Once you've let go of something, you're not sad anymore. Like, once you let go of something, then you're ready to really engage with it fully. So, when we're not fully engaging with something, for example, when we're not fully engaging with somebody who's not here anymore, when we don't engage with their absence or when we're not fully engaging with our own illness because we're holding on to our health then sadness will help us because if we can open to the sadness then we can fully engage with being sick.

[01:23]

We can acknowledge the thing which we've let go of, which is our health, and then be fully engaged in being sick. And if we can be fully engaged with being sick, we can be free of being sick and healthy. If you cling to sadness, if you're healthy, if you're alive, sadness will come to help you let go of the sadness. Sadness, you know, might be depression instead of grieving. Grieving is not clinging. When you're grieving, you're not clinging to the feeling of grieving. You're opening to the grieving, and then you let go of something else. But if you're clinging to the grieving, maybe that's sort of... That might be related to depression, to cling to grieving, perhaps.

[02:28]

Maybe one of the dimensions of depression is that you're not just opening and feeling, you're still trying to control, for example, the sad. Yeah, if you mean by acknowledging, receiving and embracing, that is the practice of grieving. So grief or sadness comes but you don't have to face it. You can say, I'm too busy right now. So that's why we have this room to sit quietly because a lot of people who come and sit here you know, they're just playing a happy tune and they sit down and sit still and suddenly they feel great sadness and tears because they're not running too fast for the sadness to catch up.

[03:32]

Sadness is kind of a slow mover. It's not like a speed demon. So if you're going fast, you feel sadness and you grieve. If you slow down and sit still, Then the sadness says, hey, it looks like he might be available for some conversation. He doesn't seem to be busy. Maybe I could offer myself to him and he might be able to notice me. And so it offers you, oh, wow, I didn't even know you were here. And then you might say, you're welcome. You're welcome, sadness. You're welcome, sadness. dying of the wind, falling of the leaves, you're welcome. And the welcoming is the grief is the thing you're welcoming. So the sadness comes and if you accept it, then your sadness itself is not the thing. It's that you're open to it. It's that you put aside other things which might be fairly interesting.

[04:36]

So one of my but clearest examples of that was I was waiting one time for a parking space. So, you know, I was sitting in a car waiting for a parking space and I had to sort of watch to see when the next one opened. Read a book, otherwise I'd miss the parking space. But I could turn the radio on and, you know, listen to the radio while I was looking for the parking space. And I think maybe I even felt the impulse to turn the radio on while I was waiting. But then I thought, no, I'm just going to sit here and watch. And then the sadness came. And I said, oh, I can just sit here and I have nothing else to do. I might as well open to it. So I opened to it. And I just felt it completely. And then it was over, and I just felt really light and free.

[05:42]

And then the parking space opened. So I was given this little space where I could have distracted myself, but really I had to pay attention. And I didn't really have anything to do. But sadness comes in those times. So it isn't that every time you come in here and sit quietly, sadness will come to visit. But if you have been not doing your sadness, if you have not been doing your grieving work, sort of the backlog of grief might say, oh, now's my chance to come to visit him. He's been running so fast I couldn't catch up. But now I slow down, I can catch him and offer myself to him. And then when it comes, opening to it is the grieving, the acknowledging. Oh, you're here? Hi, friend. I know your medicine. I'll eat you. I'll drink you. I'll go down with you. Please come. I forgot to have John come up and I regret it.

[06:47]

You're welcome. This is sort of a continuation. I don't want my grief to end because it's my last link with what I lost. And I never know what to say. Well, I would say my experience was when your grief is done, you'll have a springtime of relationship with the new, you'll get your new relationship with them. But we, some people we have such a wonderful relationship with, that we consciously and unconsciously we just can't let go of it and our life does not want us to be holding on to something that's not our life doesn't want our life wants us to flow with it our life wants us to be with the new person that we are and the new person that we're related to who might be called sick or dead or out of town

[07:56]

The way flow is developed. And we're not with the program. So our life says, oh, come on, feel the sadness. So we feel it. And when we're done feeling it, we're ready for this new relationship. It was waiting for us to meet it all along. So then we have springtime. At the same time, this will pass. So we have this exquisite feeling of this beautiful new life, knowing that it will fall soon. Which, you know, like the Japanese just love cherry blossoms. And when they're blossoming, they go to the cherry blossoms and they faint. Not just with the cherry blossoms, but knowing that these blossoms will fall. So even though it's spring, they know these flowers will fall. So they have fall and spring at the same time. And it's just like, ultimate joy of fall and spring at the same time, of delectation and grieving. In other words, not using this exquisite blossom, not using it, but letting it in and letting it go almost simultaneously.

[09:11]

Some people would consider that the ultimate creative experience. You dive into the Right as the thing's happening, you dive into the void. Right as the thing's arising, you die with it and realize it's truth. And again and again. So there always is a new relationship. Things are changing, but there's no end to our relationship with anything. our relationship to anything. But we usually grasp beginnings, so then we grasp endings. And that grasping, that's where our suffering comes from. Grasping in the flow. And when we grasp ourselves out of it, and if we lift ourselves out of it, we're stuck in it. But if we enter it fully and don't grasp, we're in it and also simultaneously free. We're in springtime and fall at the same time.

[10:14]

But between fall and springtime, we have wintertime. We have to enter the place which isn't grasping. After we let go, we enter the place of no grasping. That's winter, or the winter mind. And then we're ready for spring and fall. Spring and fall. with summer in between. So the joys and luxuries between the birth and death of things. Remembering that there's always the opportunity to access the truth even in spring, even in fall, even in summer. And in winter all we are is just a void and then spring. I just saw this image when I was a kid. I was about 12. I was out one day and it was snowing and sometimes the snow doesn't necessarily bury the cars but sometimes all the windows in the cars get covered with snow.

[11:25]

So then if you get into the car and close the doors, with the windows, it's like in the daytime. So it's bright sunshine outside, but you're inside the snow. Anyway, it's like that. It's like, I don't know what's going on. What am I doing? And you don't turn the radio on. Yes? I'm thinking about entering fully and what that might look or feel like or be like. And I notice in my own life that I often feel sad.

[12:35]

And sometimes when I'm sad, I think, oh, I haven't finished. I haven't... And I wanted to just mention two kind of little images. One is, there's a movie, an Ingmar Bergman movie called Fanny and Alexander. There's a scene in which there's a family, a mother and father, Fanny and Alexander are the children, and the father dies suddenly. And the children are in bed and they hear this sound of a woman screaming. And they follow the sound. And what you see in the movie is the doorway to the parents' bedroom is open. It's a sliding door and it's open a bit. And you can see the father's body laid on the bed.

[13:35]

And the mother is just walking at the end of the bed, taking a deep breath and then letting out a huge wail. And it's very striking. And I remember the first time I saw it, I felt so envious. Like, it just looked like it would feel so, it was so right on. And it made me wonder about whether expression is not part of entering something deeply. And then the other thing I wanted to just share briefly, my daughter had a kitten, a toy kitten that her grandmother had given her. And when we moved, I inadvertently threw it away. And she was really little.

[14:39]

She was like... But that kitten that got thrown away has become kind of a touchstone for... Sadness that comes up, if she is crying or feels sadness, sometimes I ask about it and she talks about the kitten that got thrown away years ago. And it seems to be kind of a placeholder for maybe other sadnesses. So I guess I just wanted to mention those two things as part of a question for sadness that sticks around because it isn't fully experienced. And what the form, in addition to a quiet internal experience and knowing you have the concept of,

[15:39]

I'm just going to sit with that. But entering that bottomless, really, really entering the experience so that you can release it. Well, in the story of the woman, I feel like she was not moving too fast for her grief to catch up with her. So I feel in that story, she was not moving to get away from her grief. So I felt like she was moving at a rate that her grief could keep up with her. And then from the receiving was howling, I would say that was her music. That there's music in grieving. I think that the problem is that something changes and we can't hear the music anymore. And when sadness comes, we have a chance to hear the music again.

[16:44]

And it may be a music which we wish to sing or we wish to cry. But sometimes the way of expressing it, the music, is silence. Like I saw this TV show about monkeys and there was this one scene that just came to my mind where the dominant male had been killed by his successor as the dominant male. But most of the adult females were either the dominant male's former mates or his daughters. And then almost all the children, almost all the babies and adolescents and babies in the community were the children of this dead And the successor was nearby watching because he knew that they might all turn on him.

[17:48]

They knew this is the new boss who just killed our mate, our father. But he's the new dominant male. And he was kind of like, kill me or they're going to accept me? But they were, they weren't really concerned with him. They were like right, they were like very, these monkeys are not very quiet usually and they were usually jumping all over the place and very animated and busy eating and fighting, eating and fighting, eating. But they were standing around this body very quietly and they were touching it and watching the flies. So I think that was their expression of grieving. And then they could have been howling too, but they weren't. I mean, if they were howling, I thought that would have been magnificent also probably. So it's very beautiful when people take their medicine, which will heal them.

[18:49]

It's very beautiful to see the healing process. And sometimes the healing process means intense physical movement, dancing, like the Sufis going round and round, that could be seen as their grieving practice. But it's not a kind of going round and round where they're running away from their grieving and using their movement to hide from the void. They're using the movement to let go of resistance to the truth. And they can scream to let go of resistance to the truth, or you can scream to distract yourself. So forms and feelings can be used, you can use them or you can surrender to them. If you use them, the door closes. If you surrender, the door opens. So you can use screaming to close off or to open up. It depends on your attitude. Are you accepting this gift and letting go, or are you accepting this gift and then using it?

[19:56]

So I think what you saw, what you were envious of, her accepting the gift and surrendering to it that she was not running the show and yet she was she was not running the show and yet she was fully expressing herself in other words as long as I think I'm running the show I'm not fully expressing myself but when the show is given to me and I'm I fully express this full expression and if I've got any clinging that will be the medicine for my clinging So full expression goes with grieving helps us get to full expression. So your story, I felt like her grieving was continuing her life. She wasn't letting this change. She wasn't letting it change. She was letting this change not stop her life. And she was showing her children something very important. She was teaching her children how to live.

[20:59]

face of death. Yeah, so quiet is one way, stillness is one way, but you can also slow down when you're moving. You can move in such a way that you're not running away from being where you are. You can walk and really be there, and then things can find you. But when you run ahead of yourself, the sadness is back where you are. So then you don't notice it. So it's a matter of not so much not moving but not being ahead of yourself. So we train at not getting ahead of ourselves and when we do get ahead of ourselves or behind ourselves sometimes we get a gift called sadness. And then the sadness comes and we take the medicine in the present. So the sadness can bring us back to hear. So sometimes it's an opportunity to slow down so sadness can catch you, but also walking in a present way, basically being present, the sadness has a chance to do its service, and you to it.

[22:14]

Thank you. Yes? Hi, Scott. Going away now? Okay, bye-bye. No, that's somebody else's son. What's your name? Bye, Leah. Is your name Elizabeth? It is. I used to know somebody that looked just like you. No. But she was younger than you. Yeah, a couple days. And her name was Elizabeth. I'm not her.

[23:18]

I know, I know. Look like her. You're a new woman. It's true. I want to ask a question about something that you just said about the phrase you just said was engaging with absence. And I guess I'm curious about that. Yeah, we've talked recently about loss and sort of in that context. Well, when something seems to have been there, been present and apparent, and now you can't see it, you may feel an absence. That feeling of absence, then I would say you have a chance to engage with the more profound absence. Also, if you can engage with the feeling of presence, you can also access the more profound absence. And by the profound absence is the absence of

[24:19]

things being graspable or substantial. That's the profound absence. The way things are actually not graspable, that's the absence. When we engage with that and realize that, that's what liberates us. But when there's a feeling of absence, if we engage with that fully, we can realize the profound absence of that in that feeling of absence. Just in the same profound absence in the feeling of presence. Do you think the specific feeling of absence can or should or does go away in the feeling of Sort of ultimate absence, understanding that? The feeling of absence.

[25:21]

I think feelings come and go. Yes. And the feeling of the ultimate absence is kind of a misnomer. When you fully embrace, when you fully engage, the feeling of absence, then you're able to fully engage the actual absence. But fully engaging the actual profound absence is not a feeling. Yes, I know. In that engaging of or feeling of absence and through that engaging of absence, Is the idea or is your thought that the first one goes away, the sort of... Because, yeah, because that's what I guess I live with every day is that feeling of absence.

[26:25]

Does that one go away? But I'm saying, yeah, that one goes away constantly but also can come back. Mm-hmm. you know, it can come and go a lot, the feeling of absence. That may be an odd friend of yours, possibly. But the thing is, even if it does keep coming to visit you and going away and coming back, you can achieve liberation with it and develop blessings and happiness even while it's coming and going. Because, again, these eyes of compassion which observe Some of the sentient beings are the constant coming and going of sadness, of absence, all this stuff. If you can fully engage them, you can engage their ultimate nature and show other beings how to engage their ultimate nature. And in this way, beings can be liberated, fully engaged and be liberated, which is happiness. In the midst of feelings of whatever,

[27:31]

Welcome. Yes. Good morning. You mentioned human beings use form to hide the truth often. Yeah, often. And that's true. But I think human beings can also represent the truth. Represent the truth. Yeah, that's right. They can use forms to represent the truth. Yes. Okay, that's all. Thank you. Yes. Hi, Reb. Hi. My name's Joey. Joey? Yes. Kind of a newcomer. Welcome, newcomer. Kind of. Thank you. On that question of form, I guess it's reality and clinging because I really resonated with what you said about form, substituting form for the truth.

[28:52]

And I feel like there's a couple days where I stopped believing my mind of things like trees and humans and it opened up something really beautiful but then it went away and I feel like I'm clinging to such an experience and it's kind of a unique clinging but I don't really know how to deal with Yes. Well, I just want to say one thing. At the beginning you said you thought you heard me say that people use forms to substitute for truth. Using forms to substitute truth is what Gombe says. It's a little bit more like using forms to represent or as a symbol of the truth. So like using the word bottomless or using the word the abyss or the void, that's using the word, the form,

[29:55]

to represent the thing. That's not a problem. Just know that you're just using that to refer to this important thing. But what the problem is, is when we use the form as a way to hide or separate ourselves from the truth. That's what we call using the form. Using the form as an addiction to get ourselves away from the truth. When you stop, when you have a break in that occasionally, or whenever you have a break in that, and you get exposed to the truth which you've been hiding from, it might be that you would feel very free and happy. And that happiness then, you use to liberate you. So you see the truth, you become happy and free, and then that happiness then you use to keep yourself away from the thing which liberated you. because of that pattern of abusing things to hide the truth.

[30:58]

The truth and did his job great, but I just want this happiness now. That's the way we felt before. Or even, I'm not too happy, but I'd rather have this than something I don't know about. Because at least I know this is the suffering I got. What would happen to me if I would let go of this and open to space? So if you are holding on now again to some form, then the thing to do is to be present with that holding, which you somewhat are, you're noticing it, and be kind to that holding. And if you're kind to it, perhaps is some sadness, and if you're kind to the sadness, that will help you let go of this nice thing. And if you let go of this nice thing, you can open to other things, which you actually would like to open to. The problem is you're holding on to something which is really great and which you'll get again if you open to this other thing.

[32:09]

I understand. In the meantime, just be really kind to the situation. Yeah, be really kind to the clinging to this excellent state which has actually changed. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. I really love your analogy of fall and winter and spring. Is summer where we're running away? Not necessarily. When spring comes, you don't have to cling to it. It's just that if you do cling to it, if you're lucky, you'll

[33:19]

If you don't cling to it, when autumn comes, it won't be very painful. So what is summer then? What is summer? Summer is the enrichment of your suffering. It's the greening and blossoming of your misery. So we don't need summer at all? Well, but if you're not clinging, summer is the blossoming of your blessings and your happiness. Of what? Of not clinging to spring. And then also if you're not clinging to spring, you come to summer and then all this stuff starts to proliferate and you don't cling to that too. Which is a further extension and demonstration of your non-clinging to spring. So I actually didn't say it during the talk, but When I said the lotus blossom of the true Dharma, I was going to talk about the lotus.

[34:27]

So the lotus, in the spring, or in the winter, the seeds are germinating. Nothing's happening, maybe. But then spring, the germination is functioning, and the sprouts come up, and then the stem comes up, and then maybe in spring, perhaps, or in summer, the blossom comes. Lotus blossom. And lotus blossom is the flowering of the plant which is fully engaged in the mud. And the flower is based in the mud, fully engaging the mud. ...produces this beautiful flower. Fully engaging, fully engaging misery, fully engaging whatever produces this wonderful flower.

[35:33]

Fully engaging produces understanding the truth and letting it in summary. But then the petals drop. And when the petals drop, the fruit is exposed. So then you have no more flower, and you've got the fruit just sitting there. Now, actually, when the flowers were blossoming, the fruit was actually there, but it's harder to see it. If you look at the lotus blossom, you can actually see the fruit in the flower. But when the flower has dropped, then the fruit is totally exposed. But this is like the high summer when the fruit is fully ripe yet. So in fall it becomes ripe, which means that in this case the stem becomes soft and the fruit falls down.

[36:36]

And where does it fall? It falls into the mud. And when it falls into the mud, it gets wet and it swells up. And then it explodes. And the seeds go all over the place. So that's why it's not just spring and fall. It's spring of the fruit, which will produce more flowers. So it isn't just spring and fall, it's in the summer the practice is flourishing and developing the next generation of people, of beings who can do the practice of experiencing spring, not being not attached to it, and in the summer producing the flowers and fruits which in the fall will drop and create the next generation of the practice. So summer does something that spring and fall don't. It matures. and in the fall the maturity comes to its completion of either suffering or liberation.

[37:44]

The key factor being is there attachment or not. So some beings go round and round in this process and there's non-attachment being demonstrated in the whole process but they don't just do it for a flash because they do it at the beginning, in the middle and at the end. And they love the whole process of liberating and benefiting beings. And they can because they've learned how to not attach. And grieving is one of the great opportunities for us to learn how to surrender. So it's almost like being... So summer is kind of like being completely aware. And that might bring the fruit of wisdom, perhaps. And... And fall is sort of letting go of that knowing, perhaps, or whatever. Yeah, fall is letting go, even letting go of wisdom. Right. You're welcome. Is that enough for today?

[38:48]

Thank you very much. I have a picture in my mind of a relationship between this time of year, which we sometimes call autumn or fall. Can you hear me in the back? How about now? Not so good? How about now? Is that good? Huh? Is that about right? Everybody okay in the back? So, the time of year, autumn, fall, and grieving, sadness, and entry into the truth.

[40:16]

which liberates beings and brings happiness to beings. In the autumn it seems like the trees surrender their leaves to the wind and gravity. They surrender their fruits. The fruits fall and offer themselves. And many human beings also fall in the fall. Many human beings

[41:19]

Our mind has, in every moment, our mind has, you know, four seasons. It has a spring and a summer and a fall and a winter. So I begin now to talk about the fall of our mind, the fall of our life. a life which is flowing through the seasons a life which is constantly flowing and changing we are immersed in this flow but if we cling to anything in the flow

[42:32]

we don't realize our immersion. When we live in the midst of change and we cling change we tend to interpret change often as loss. When we hold on to something in the flow and it changes, we feel like we lost it or it was taken from us. There's an expression, I'm sorry for your loss, that we say to people who might be experiencing that they are someone who they love very much. I always have trouble saying sorry for your loss. I am sorry that people think that they lose things.

[43:37]

I'm sorry about that because that when you think you lose something that you love, that you have loved and you still love, it's painful. If we can find a way to live in the change where gifts are gifts and we give them back or we pass them on. We don't live in the world anymore of gain and loss. We live in the world of gift and giving, of giving and giving. And then any pain involved is the greatest pleasure. It's not the pleasure of loss It's not the pain of loss. It's the pain of generosity. Generosity is so joyful it almost hurts.

[44:42]

It does. It kind of hurts. It's so exquisite. Our body and mind can hardly stand the intensity of the joy of the flow when we don't grasp. if we can deeply grieve we can enter the great teachings of the Buddhas as the truth and benefit all beings. Eyes of compassion observe all living beings flowing. Eyes of compassion observe all living beings changing.

[45:48]

And eyes of compassion do not cling to the sentient beings which they contemplate with compassion. And this way of flowing of living beings creates an ocean of blessing and happiness and virtue with no limit. How can we have this heart and eyes of all beings with no clinging? By grieving. by sadness. And each of us heart and mind and learn the difference between depression and grieving. In grieving we're opening to a feeling which is medicine.

[46:58]

we're surrendering we are surrendering we're not fighting it we're not resisting it we're surrendering into the process of change we're opening to this offering of sadness and grief And by descending into this sadness and grief we know the true nature of all phenomena. By being able to accept, deeply accept the autumnal mind, the mind which is falling down, the mind which is letting go and surrendering, by accepting this mind, this aspect of mind, we warm up to accepting that all phenomena are abysmal.

[48:17]

All phenomena have no bottom. They're bottomless and sideless and topless. Well, they actually have a top. That's what we see. That's how we find them at first, by their top, by their surface. and when we meet the surface grief may come to us in the fall and if we open to the grief we go deeply down below the surface of things and we never reach the bottom and if we become afraid as we descend If you can open to the grief, the opening to the grief will help us continue to go deeper even though there's fear. Usually, often, usually, we human beings use forms.

[50:01]

We human beings use forms to conceal the truth. We are addicted generally using forms to cover the vast emptiness of all things. We are afflicted by using and we are addicted to using. colors, sounds, and smells, and tastes. Even in autumn, we are addicted and afflicted by using the color of the maple tree to disguise the void of the maple tree. Using the colors in this way, we are afflicted, not by the colors, but by the using of them to obscure the truth.

[51:08]

The truth which we have difficulty facing. The truth of the bottomlessness in brown and yellow. The bottomlessness of the warm autumn air. We use forms this way and we are addicted to using them this way and we are afflicted by using them this way. We use feelings this way. We use ideas this way. And we use ideas for the colors to use them to conceal. And we use ideas for the sounds and the smells and the tastes. But there's a medicine for this. A medicine of letting go, of surrendering

[52:12]

Surrender to the color. Surrendering to the color, surrender to the sound. Let go while you're looking at the color. Look at the color until you let go. Surrender to the feeling, surrender to the idea until you let go of the idea and enter. But this letting go is a sad thing. And the sadness is to help us, to show us something to open to. We open to the color we think, but if we don't open to the color, sadness comes and says, take me too. You're not really opening to this color. You're still resisting it. You're still using the color to cover the void. And it sweetly says that to us. It's not harsh. It sweetly says, use me, open to me, surrender.

[53:20]

And then you'll be able to surrender to the colors and the feelings. Then you'll be able to stop using them to hide the vastness of things. If we can surrender to the grief and the sadness, we can surrender to the ultimate truth of things. Realize liberation and create an ocean of happiness for all beings. I almost memorized this poem but not quite. It's called, To Autumn. Autumn.

[54:21]

And I think, oh, it's to autumn. This isn't really autumn. This is to autumn. This is John Keats praying to autumn. This is John Keats who's dying himself, like 25 or 26 years old, dying, and he's addressing autumn. Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness. Close bosom friend, maturing son. conspiring with him how to load and bless with fruit the vines that round the thatch eaves run to bend with the most garden trees and fill all fruit with ripeness to the core to swell the gourd and plump the hazel shells

[55:34]

with a sweet kernel to set budding more and still more the later flowers for the bees until they think warm days will never cease for summer's over-brimmed their clammy shells. Who has not seen thee oft amid thy store? Who has not seen thee oft amid thy store? Sometimes whoever seeks find thee sitting careless on a granary floor, thy hair soft lifted by the winnowing wind. or on a half-reaped furrow sound asleep, drowsed boom of poppies, while thy hook spares the next swath with all its twisted flowers.

[56:51]

And sometimes, like a gleaner, thou dost keep steady thy hand across a brook, or by a cider press, which with patient look thou watchest the last oozings hour by hours. Where are the songs of spring? Ay, where are they? Think not of them. Thou hast thy music too. While varred clouds bloom, the soft dying day, and touch and touch the stubble plains with rosy hue, then in a wailful choir

[58:01]

The small gnats mourn among the river's sallows. Born aloft or sinking as the light wind lives or dies. And full grown lambs bleat from hilly born. Hedge crickets sing and now with treble soft The red breast whistles from the garden croft, and gathering swallows twitter in the sky. Rise or sinking with the light winds, life or death, I have your music too.

[59:19]

There is springtime music and we will be ready for it if we completely grieve. If we're not done grieving we're not yet ready for the mind of winter the mind of snow the mind which has nothing to do with anything to cover the truth and then we will be ready for the glorious spring of happiness for the happiness of spring and if we cling to spring at all we will be afflicted through the summer and the spring but autumn will come and offer us a chance to surrender

[60:45]

Every moment offers us an opportunity to surrender. And in that surrender, we will enter deeply the truth of all things. my notebooks for this poem to autumn and I found a card that someone sent me and the card has two colorful boxes on it placed horizontally in one box it has what looks like somebody wearing a shoe and very colorful socks

[62:29]

kind of a skinny leg with colorful socks and a shoe and the leg is bending forward as though it was the back foot in walking. And then in the next picture, there's another foot which is leaning backwards as though it went with the front foot. It also has bright colored socks on. Under the first box it says, departing the realm of misery. And in the other box is labeled, entering the realm of happiness and freedom. And in the two pictures, there's a space. which the person who made the card decided to label. But I just did too, didn't I?

[63:35]

I told you there was a space. Between the realm of misery and the realm of happiness, there's a void. The way the person who labeled it was, the space of unknowing. So there's a void of knowing or there's in the transition from misery to happiness there is a void of unknowing. There is a giving up. There's a handing over. There's a forfeiting. There's a giving away of knowing. We don't get to take knowing with us when we surrender. Are you ready to surrender? Surrender your knowing. Check your knowing at the door.

[64:38]

Hand it over. Knowing. But as we start to give over our knowing, we start to feel sadness and grief. If we open to the sadness, we can forfeit knowing. the knowledge which we're grasping that we make. This is the process of dying into the space we have to enter on our way from birth and death to freedom and benefit of all beings. And then our path is to enter the realm of suffering again which is springtime. a new life comes with new clinging and new sorrows and then we and move into a new space and so on.

[65:44]

Also along in that same notebook right next to this picture of the transition from the realm of using The realm of using. To the realm of freedom from using. And next to that was another little thing which somebody sent me in the mail with a daily planner. And it was 10 ways to control your time. I may, I didn't bring that with me though, so I don't know what they are. But anyway, basically you could say ten ways to control spring, summer, and fall. Ten ways to control your death. So I'm talking today about giving up the ten ways of controlling your time. I'm talking about, I'm talking about surrender your time, give your time away,

[66:53]

but also surrender your using your time to hide the truth. We use time usually. We're addicted to using time to distract ourselves from facing the reality which will liberate all beings. But anyway, these people sent out that card to me because they wanted me to buy their daily planner. They thought, you know, I probably would like to learn these ten ways and then this planner would be part of it. If you have this planner, that'll help you control your time. I think it also said, your time. You can possess it. Be yours. People often say to me, I don't want to take any more of your time. And I say, I almost always say, it's kind of boring probably, but I almost say, you're not taking it.

[67:57]

You cannot take my time. No one can take it. However, I can give it, and you can receive it, and I have to give it, really. And if I'm not ready to give it, then I have some grieving to do. If I don't want to give my time, then I'm going to be sad, because it is going to be And if I don't grieve, I'm going to think I lost it or somebody took it. And then I'm going to be unhappy camper. So I try to remember, no, no, nobody takes my time. It's something I have to give, though. And I only have a little bit at a time. So it's not that much. Just a moment. Thank you, thank you, thank you, sadness.

[69:14]

My great medicine. My... Buddha medicine, sadness. I know this, if I can take this medicine it will help all beings. So many stories of grieving. In the lotus blossom Yeah, in the Lotus Blossom of the True Dharma there's a story about a doctor and she has quite a few children. And her children are sick.

[70:24]

So she's very skillful, so she makes them excellent medicine. She gives them the medicine and she hands it to them. And some of the children who are in somewhat their right mind, they accept the medicine and take the medicine. and are cured of their disease. Other children are so distracted, they're using so much they can't even notice the medicine that their dear mother has given them. They don't take the medicine. They are sick and distracted from the medicine which is being offered to them so then the doctor has an idea she says to her children all of her children so she goes away and she sends word back after a while that she has died

[71:45]

All the children grieve. Some children have already taken the medicine and they grieve and take the medicine again. Other children who have not taken the medicine, in their grieving, in their grieving, they sober up. They stop using. their playthings to distract them from the medicine. They sober up and they remember the medicine and they take the medicine in their grief and they become well. They take the medicine, the doctor returns. As soon as we surrender to the truth, the doctor will return. As soon as we surrender to truth, the Buddha will be here again.

[72:57]

But many of us have to grieve the loss of dear ones in order to open, to stop using and open to the medicine. So the grieving is medicine which makes it possible to take another medicine. The grieving is medicine for our resistance to taking the ultimate medicine. The grieving cures us from our, cures us of our resistance, cures us of our attachment, and then we can see where we're attracting ourselves from. And then we don't have to, then we will not attach anymore until we do again for the welfare of others. Do you know what time it is?

[74:06]

7 to 11. That's auspicious. think not of them, those songs of spring. Thou hast thy music too. I have a song. Quite a few years ago now, like a year ago ago, one of the senior practitioners at Zen Center said to me, why don't we ever sing?

[75:06]

And I said, we do sing. She said, what? I said, We do sing. Those are kind of like, what do you call it, early medieval church music. They're the kind of music which no one knows who wrote. There's no ego in them. As a matter of fact, if you knew that they were highly valued as works of wisdom, you probably wouldn't want to be associated with them. But we do have songs. But I think what she meant was actually songs that have ego in them. Why don't we sing those kinds of songs? What is it? My baby went and left me. She left me all alone. Those kinds of songs. Why don't we sing those?

[76:07]

Or don't be cruel to a heart that's true. How about those kind? That's what you meant. So then I started singing. And then some people stopped coming to Zen Center. Yeah. They just couldn't stand it. But some other people, you know, usually after these talks, people say, I like the songs. So a guy who I work out with at the Mill Valley Community Center, he also says, that was a great talk. I like the songs. So I promised him I'd sing a song, and he's here. So this is for you, Dick. I think it's about what I was talking about. It's a song sung by Etta James.

[77:13]

Boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I can do what I want. I'm in complete control. That's what I tell myself. I'll be all right alone. Don't need anybody else. Ego. Ego. Gave myself a good talking to. No more being a fool for you. And I remember how you make me want to surrender to the way. You're making me want to stay with the way. You're making me want to give my. to the way.

[78:23]

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. May our intention of equality stand to it.

[78:50]

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