Hi. Well, welcome, everybody. It's so lovely that so many people came. It's great to see you all. I just wanted to make a couple of announcements, one of which is that because, as Reb said, we tried to do this a little differently to keep the cost down, one of the things that process is that all of the money that you paid went to your room and board and to the rental of this lovely facility. And there is no donation for the teacher in that. And so for your consideration, we have a donation box over there in the corner. Donations, and that's totally dependent on your practice of generosity. There's no minimum, there's no maximum, there's no recommendation. It's whatever feels appropriate and comfortable for you. But I just wanted to say that's there. And I also want to get a business from Mount Madonna.

[01:02]

As you know, they have put out a lot of cushions and blankets. You're welcome to use all of those, but I think that they would like you to keep track of them. And at the end of Sunday, there will be a place to put them because they want to clean them again before they go out for use again. I think that's it, except to say thank you, Rev, very much, and also to thank Elizabeth and Yuri, who's right over there, who was one of the instigators in getting this started, and Angela Nielsen, who's coming, but I think she's a little delayed. So if you see Angela later or you meet somebody named Angela, say hi and thank you, because she was also a part of this. So thank you very much. Thanks. I'm moving slowly so that I don't make any terrible sounds.

[02:06]

...in a chair, which I haven't done in past retreats here. Usually I sit on the floor, cross-legged. But recently I had a, if you use the expression, total... which is a big operation and things are going well. Really well. I've been very fortunate. However, I'm still not ready to sit cross-legged for more than... I mean, I can show you, I can do it. Only for a few seconds. I can actually get into the position, which I'm happy to report. But I'm not quite ready to, like, be there very long. So I'll be sitting in a chair most of the time, or standing, and I may have to lie down. And I imagine you'll all support me no matter what posture I'm in.

[04:03]

Also, my energy is, a lot of my energy is going to some mysterious healing process down here. And sometimes it's just like there's none left. But today... Yeah, when we got here, I took just a short nap, and I feel pretty good now. But I don't know what's going to happen to me. But I can say, as usual, I'm here with you. but I don't know what I'll be like, you know. But I'll stay here with you all weekend and then I'll probably be transported back up north later. But, you know, maybe I'll be quite energetic. I don't know. We'll see. So please, I'm here for you, but I'm not my former self. I'm a new self.

[05:10]

This is getting to the latter part of 2021. It's been such a hard year for billions of people, right? So much suffering. I imagine that all of you are really deeply concerned and feel great pain for the suffering of so many people. And we have some difficulties too. I don't know what. Knee replacements and stuff like that, heart attacks, our family members dying. or getting sick. We have our problems and we're also concerned with people who have greater, more intense suffering than us, more challenging suffering. So we're really concerned about that and so this year we've been emphasizing compassion.

[06:29]

You know, I had the good fortune of meeting this nice person, this wonderful person named Suzuki Shunryu Roshi, and he was very kind and compassionate. But I don't remember him using the word compassion very much. He was compassionate, but I don't remember him saying that very often, or saying it about people. But he demonstrated it. I think what he said a lot was Zazen. He talked about Zazen all the time. Zazen was his, and he also said, our practice. I think our practice was and is great compassion. I think our practice is, you know, in the Zen school, the nickname of our practice is Zazen. But that's great compassion, I would say.

[07:46]

This morning I read a verse about the founder of Zen. And the verse was, I think, fallen into weeds wall-gazing. So this founder of the Zen, Bodhidharma, practice was sometimes called wall-gazing. It's a nickname for his practice. And I, when I saw falling into the weeds, I thought this practice, his practice, had fallen into the weeds of all human, suffering of all beings. His practice lived in the weeds, not in heaven, except in the weeds of heaven, of course. And I also made this point in a talk, which is on YouTube, which was given at this place called No Abode.

[09:11]

It's a small practice place near Green Gulch Farm. And on the altar there we have the Buddha. And on Buddha's left is a statue of the Bodhisattva of Great Compassion. And on the right, there's a statue of Bodhidharma, the wall-gazing person. The point in that talk of bringing these statues and saying, Bodhidharma is the bodhisattva of great compassion. The ancestors of Zen are bodhisattvas of great compassion. So although it's not a word that Suzuki Roshi used much, and I just, for fun, I looked in this book called Moon and the Dewdrop.

[10:13]

I looked in the index. I went, how many times is compassion mentioned in this book? Four times, which is good. But not so many considering it's a big index and there's a lot of stuff in there. But for such a huge topic... Not mentioned so much. I think not so many people think Zen, compassion. Zen, what Zen is, is compassion. And if it's not compassion, I would say, don't use the word Zen, please. Or if you see Zen and it doesn't look like compassion, I would say, please question it. Question what's going on here. How is this compassion? So again, emphasizing compassion, and also emphasizing compassion, but also emphasizing great compassion.

[11:16]

And I wrote up on the board here, great compassion, and I made an arrow going up to Buddhahood. Great compassion is the main, is the excellent cause of Buddhahood. And Buddhahood, the effect of Buddhahood, is great compassion. And then one of the titles of this workshop this weekend is Protecting and Liberating All Beings. That's what Buddhahood is. Buddhahood is protecting and liberating beings. Protecting suffering beings. and liberating them. That's Buddhahood. And the protecting and the liberating is great compassion, doing that work, but also gives rise to the ability to do that.

[12:23]

So that's the basic, one of the basic proposals here is great compassion, Buddhahood, great compassion, Buddhahood. protecting and liberating beings. So I don't... I guess I want to make kind of... I would like to... used to say, let me be clear. I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just telling you what I think Buddhas do. And I'm happy to be of assistance to you to learn how to do what Buddhas do. And so I wrote Great Compassion over there. And again, starting out simply,

[13:27]

So I could say great compassion is what? What can I put over here? What? Yeah, Buddhahood. Buddhahood. And also Zen. But also Zazen, yeah. And also intimacy. Buddhahood is intimacy. Zen is intimacy. Zazen is intimacy. So, there's various kinds of compassion. Many people, not all people maybe, are conscious of it, but many people consciously want to practice compassion.

[14:34]

or that consciously want to be compassionate. And also many people consciously want to receive compassion. However, in this wish, this wish might be, what's the word, immature. And there may be some sense that compassion is about something other than who we are or compassion is for somebody else. Great compassion doesn't have any objects. Great compassion doesn't have any objects. It's not like compassion for somebody. There is compassion like that, that we have compassion for a suffering person. That's compassion, when you want somebody to be free of compassion.

[15:41]

But great compassion is there's nobody out there separate from you. It's just the intimacy of you and suffering people. The intimacy of you and all suffering people, that protects people, protects them, and that liberates them. In the meantime, before that's fully realized, we may have compassion for somebody, for something, and yet not fully realize the intimacy and others. And that's part of what we'll explore in this weekend, perhaps. Intimacy doesn't have any objects. My intimacy with you is not me with you. It's the intimacy of you and me.

[16:44]

I don't have intimacy. You don't have intimacy. Intimacy has us. We are intimacy's children. We are intimacy. But again, as we grow up and start to learn about compassion, she's compassionate to me, I'm compassionate to her. That's a kind of compassion. Again, I'll talk to you more about that later, but that is a kind of compassion. It's great compassion in a kind of limited way. I'm compassionate to you, you're compassionate to me, rather than We're just intimate, the intimacy of us.

[17:46]

In past workshops at this temple, I can call this a temple now, right? When I first came here, they didn't exactly have a temple, did they? I don't know. But now there's a temple here. And also the paper didn't used to stick together, but now it does. So I think before this was a temple, I gave some weekends where we studied what's called the six transcendent practices of bodhisattvas, the six transcendent practices of compassionate beings. And those talks became the basis for a book. entering the mind of Buddha. And the six basic training methods for compassionate beings are giving, ethics, patience, heroic effort, concentration, and wisdom.

[18:55]

Wisdom, in a sense, is a little different than the previous ones. This wisdom. this transcendent wisdom. Wisdom is the understanding, is the non-dual understanding of the previous six, five, I mean. Wisdom is understanding the non-duality of giving. Wisdom is understanding the non-duality of compassion. you're frowning. Does that mean I should say something about that? No? So, when they start giving, they might think, I gave that to you. That's the way it might look. When I was a little boy, I was shopping with my mother and there was a guy outside the department store and

[20:03]

probably working for Salvation Army, ringing a bell in a Santa Claus outfit. And I took a quarter, which is the equivalent to $4,000 now. And I gave the quarter to the... I gave the quarter to... And then I looked at my mother to see if she noticed. It was me giving this to him. That was my immature dualistic practice of giving. Actually, non-dual practice of giving going on right at that time, but I didn't see it. I saw this dualistic thing of I give this to him. I didn't see. He gives the gift to me. I didn't see that. But it was there. Santa, whatever, whoever he was, ringing the bell. He gives the quarter. and I received it. And then I gave it to him, and he received it.

[21:06]

But really, in reality, there was no object and subject in that interaction. But I thought there was, because I was immature. And sometimes I still think, I give this to you. And then, when I'm practicing giving, which I'm practicing to learn the non-duality, the intimacy with beings, we practice giving to realize intimacy. As we practice intimacy to realize intimacy, when we practice giving to realize intimacy, we notice maybe some Separation. Some non-intimacy. We notice it. Or someone else... You know, by saying, do you think you gave that to me? Or whatever. Oops, I think I did.

[22:08]

Or someone helps us by not saying thank you. And then we notice that we didn't realize the intimacy in the giving. Ethics. I practice ethics. Again, that's a dualistic understanding. But if we practice ethics, we'll discover that and see that that's an affliction. Patience. I'm practicing patience with . Again, in practicing patience, it's a good practice and it helps us understand our dualistic relationship, our dualistic understanding of our relationship with the pain. Effort, heroic effort. Concentration practices are ways to discover and let go of duality. And compassion makes it possible to do these practices and discover the duality in them.

[23:14]

To do these practices in order to realize compassion and notice how they are missing the point and not lose heart and continue to care for them even though they're a little bit off or quite off. In this way compassion helps us do and realize wisdom in which case the compassion becomes true protection of beings, true intimacy with beings, and liberates them Okay. Now that we have that introduction, I'd like to have some more introductions, please.

[24:24]

I'd like to ask each of you to say your name. And then, for those of you that can hear the person, please say their name. Barry. Kim. Susan. Roger. Liz. Paul. Yuki. Marie. David. Linda. Linda. Matisse. Tracy. Tracy. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Kurt. Kurt.

[25:30]

Amanda. Amanda. Lucy. Lucy. Lea. Lea. Kurt. Kurt. Leo. Leo. And I haven't. I don't know. [...] Meridius. Garvin. Garvin. Jeff. Jeff. Kit. Kit. Lisa. Lisa. Hayley. Hayley.

[26:36]

Jim. Jim. Jeff. Jeff. We'll get some more to be outside. Andrew. Elizabeth. Reb. Do we miss somebody? Homa. Homa. Anybody else? Who did we miss? If you would like to meet with me individually in that little room across the way, actually it's a huge room, if you'd like to meet me over there, you could tell Susan. She'll take your name and invite you to come when the time is right.

[27:39]

in my back in the sixties at a temple called Sokoji over in Japantown. I had this idea of my practice at the Zen Center. I'd get up in the morning and go sit in the zendo and I would yeah, I would be like a sponge. And the sponge was full of suffering. I mean, it wasn't that bad, but I was full of it. The sponge was full of it. I don't know. I felt like there was a sponge sitting at my place and it was full of suffering. And I felt like I got up every morning and went and sat where the sponge went and sat, and the sponge got squeezed.

[28:55]

Just, you know, not to get rid of the... In fact, just to kind of like get really intimate with it, and it kind of like, yeah, just sort of like, you know, the suffering sponge got squeezed. Every morning, squeezed. The squeezing didn't make... more intense. And it didn't make it less intense exactly either, but it definitely was like really embracing it fully. So it's kind of like patience. I was really, you know, I was kind of there for this really big engagement with this suffering every morning. And then after that, the rest of the day was kind of like, okay, let's go. Not so much like, it's going to be... It's kind of like, well, that's what we're going to do for the rest of the day.

[30:03]

We're going to just meet. We're set now to meet the life, meet the day. And... Covering from this surgery, I haven't been able to get up early in the morning and go sit. I haven't been, well, anyway, I haven't tried even. It just, I needed more rest and I couldn't sit really. And I did go one time, sat, and it was too much. I sat one period and said, too much, I'm not ready. So what I do now is actually in bed when I wake up, I've been feeling not so much like a sponge lately. but I've been feeling like a kind of a large teardrop, like one big teardrop. And so I've been trying to, just in like...

[31:05]

Part of me wants to, like, have that teardrop drop, but it's not really, that's not, I don't feel good about getting rid of the teardrop. It's more like I just try to really be that teardrop in bed, get out of bed. That's the way I sit. you know, before I get out of bed. And I do feel that, not every morning, but often I feel like, oh, here's this big, big, big, it's not jagged, it's a big package of suffering. And again, when I start, I wasn't used to doing this in bed. I usually, usually I'm kind of a little bit in a hurry. when the alarm clock goes off, a little bit in a hurry to get out of bed so I don't bother, and go to the bathroom and go to the Zen Dome. But now I'm not doing that, so I do it right there.

[32:09]

But I didn't understand to do it at first. But gradually I was, oh, I'm suffering. As soon as I wake up, I'm suffering. Now it's kind of like, where is it? Okay, hi. It comes, and then if I can really be with it, I'm ready to go. I have that opportunity. I didn't get rid of it. I didn't skip over it. I was just there with it in bed. And then I carry on with the rest of my day, which I hope basically is the same thing, of being intimate with my suffering. Suffering is omnipresent. Not so much I'm always suffering. But the suffering is omnipresent. But we aren't necessarily always present for it.

[33:11]

And so I want to do that. I want to be present for what's present. Accepting that is Buddhahood. Buddhahood has not gotten rid of the suffering, but it completely accepts that we have it, and accepting it protects beings, which is a good thing, right? We want to do that, don't we? protect them and liberate them. But we have to accept suffering if we're going to do that job. I mean, if we're going to be part of that job. So in this retreat, which is a little different from maybe a class, tomorrow morning, and as soon as we wake up, we can start suffering. But different from some other places, we can suffer ourselves into this room and we can suffer together.

[34:14]

And you can come here and really be the person that you are or be the suffering that it is. And you can come and help us all do that. So we're not just talking about it, we're going to actually have spaces in the day when you can actually like possibly be intimate. Or I should say not even be intimate, but that you can realize the intimacy with your suffering and with all suffering. And the lady who just talked to us, she said, your transformation transforms us. That's like That's like our practice. You embracing your suffering is the same as other people embracing theirs. If you embrace your suffering, that's them embracing their suffering.

[35:18]

And so we do it together to make that point. So please come in the morning if you wish, or don't if you wish, but wherever you are, please. Your suffering is calling you to be with it. And you are also calling your suffering to you. Your calling to your suffering, your suffering's calling to you. It's just like a request that's being made of us and that we're making. We want, we're calling for it, and we're being called to it. So we can do that in the morning. We can do that tomorrow. And then each session we have, we'll start with just sitting quietly. We've got nothing else to do. You don't have to do anything else. You've got your life. You can sit here and be intimate with it. And not just for yourself, but for us. You doing that is... We want you to do it for us, so that helps us do it.

[36:23]

It's hard. It's not easy to do this. But it is being called for. And it is Buddhahood when it's done. That is Buddhahood. And that protects beings. And then again, and again, and again. And again, you don't have to come to the sitting, but if you do, it's a great opportunity to come and have some time to just embrace the entire experience of suffering and also what's beyond your conscious experience. In other words, the suffering of other people who are not your... you don't have a conscious experience of their suffering. You have ideas about it. They have their own unique suffering and you have yours.

[37:24]

And yours in particular, you're the only one who can take care of yours the way you can take care of it. Other people really don't know much about it. And other people don't, yeah. You have a unique, what do you call it, access or invitation to your own. And this retreat's set up to offer special sessions where nothing more is being asked of you. than to be here with your life. By the way, this is, you know, what's it called? What's the word? Unsurpassable joy to do this work. It is the most joyful work that there is. Again, I've mentioned a number of occasions this year Worldly, worldly happiness is really great, you know.

[38:30]

It's really fun sometimes. Like I used the example of repairing a teapot, you know. My house broke, and my dear spouse... told me it broke, and she gave me a chance to fix it, and I couldn't fix it right away, so I said, but I have another teapot over at Noah Abode. I'll bring it, and I brought it, and it worked. When you tipped it, the top fell off. So she said, I want to get a teapot that works and the top doesn't fall off. So she got this really nice teapot, that works and the top doesn't fall off. So now I have a teapot that works, but the top falls off. So if anybody wants one, I got one for you. It's really quite a nice teapot. And I know where it is. But again, the top, if you tip it too far, the top falls off.

[39:31]

In the meantime, along with this, then she said, she looked at the old teapot, which It didn't work. So the new teapot I brought, which worked, but the top fell off, and the old room was there. And so from her perspective, it was turning into kind of a junkyard. So she wanted me to get rid of these teapots, so I took the one away. I said, can I have a little more time to fix the other one? So I tried to fix it, and it was hard to fix it. I mean, just getting it apart to try to see what was wrong was really difficult, but I succeeded with help from all sentient beings. I got it apart and looked at it, and I kind of cleaned it up. There was some grunge inside. cleaned it up i don't know how it got dirty inside it's completely sealed anyway i cleaned it up put it back together and it worked and that was really a lot of fun to first it was a lot of fun just to get it apart it was a little bit of fun to clean it up and then put it back together and i had no idea that i was going to do anything and i pressed the button and it worked

[40:43]

So now I have two, I have three teapots at work, and fixing that one was worldly happiness for me. It really was nice. That's worldly happiness. However, you know, it's not really dependable. This other one, the happiness of compassion is it doesn't come and go. It's always right there, available. And it sustains us in doing this really hard work of embracing and sustaining all beings, which is one of our precepts. We vow to embrace and sustain all suffering beings. It's hard. It's hard to embrace our own suffering. it is joyful and you can discover the joy by practicing it.

[41:46]

And it's a joy that comes because you love suffering beings and because you love suffering beings you have pain. But that pain is the greatest joy. Is that enough for me for now? Yeah, but before you say one thing, is that enough for me? Well, but then now you're starting to talk. Before you start asking questions, is that enough input? In other words, before we open the questions and so on, is that enough for me for starters? Okay, so now... and then and I'm looking at me and that need a

[42:49]

And... Mighty fat. He just drops through the leg, and I'm acknowledging being distracted. You know, just kind of acknowledging it. Okay, well, thank you so much. That's a wonderful observation. It's a wonderful observation. She shared, and she observed herself. She observed me, and she observed herself. That's wonderful. Thank you. And... Yeah, so what do we do with that now? And then what happens to you at that time? Yeah. But you haven't quite found the joy in that yet? Yeah, yeah. I think I kind of feel like you care about me.

[44:05]

Yeah. And when you see me with a, what's the word for the knee? Mighty big. When you see my mighty big knee, you go, I was driving. You know that road? There's 17 and then there's 92. I was driving over 92 from the coast and I came around the corner and I saw this motorcycle and I saw this guy laying next to the motorcycle and just like this shot of pain came to me and I felt so good that it did. I don't even know who he was, but it's so wonderful that we care about somebody we don't know who just got hurt. So that's good stuff. And then the more you can embrace that, the better.

[45:08]

And you said to get distracted, but actually the distraction that we need to work on is distracted from feeling the pain. of the pain you feel when you see mine. I want to not be distracted from that pain that I feel because it hurts when I see you suffering. The pain I feel when I see you is distraction. That's an opportunity to embrace, and that's the bodhisattva's compassion. It's pain because you love somebody, even somebody you don't know on the side of the road. And I also thought how terrible it would be to drive by and see somebody which sometimes happens, that you don't love the person enough to feel the pain when it looks like they're in trouble. But when it first happens, if you're not ready for it, you may feel like it's knocking you off or unbalancing.

[46:20]

Really, it is the job is to be with that. It's not a distraction. But it is, you could, I'm okay with calling this a mighty big knee. It is bigger than this one, it's true. But it's so much smaller than it used to be. After the operation, I gained 10 pounds. And it was almost all fluid. I mean, this was a mighty big hole. The whole leg was like... I could go into detail if you want. But anyway, it's been quite a thing. And there's still more to be enjoyed. and more to feel concerned about, and embrace that concern. And if it gets to be so you almost feel sick to your stomach, embrace that sickness. Be there for it. It doesn't get rid of it. It practices the precepts of embracing and sustaining that being called feeling sick.

[47:28]

That being is calling. It wants to be embraced. No being embraced even though they say, don't touch me. When they say they don't touch me, they want you to embrace them by listening to them say, don't touch me. They want you to really be there for that. My grandson, I was riding a bicycle with him one time and he was ahead of me. And there was a speed bump coming. I said, there's a speed bump, slow down. And he did. And then it came, there's another speed bump, slow down. And he didn't. And he went flying. He landed on the asphalt. And when he first landed, he was quiet. But then as he slid, he started to hurt more.

[48:30]

And he really started to cry. And I came over to him and I tried to help him. And he said, don't touch me. And I embraced that. Don't touch me. I didn't go ahead and touch him. He told me not to. But I embraced him, not telling me he didn't want to. And when he was ready, he could ask for someone to touch him. And then we touched him. Including don't touch me is asking, please embrace me. I don't want you to listen to me. But you want me to listen to that? Yes. Stay away from me. You want me to be with stay away from me? Yes. We need to learn not to be fooled. This is a hard lesson to learn that nobody wants us to abandon them. Nobody wants us to ignore them.

[49:34]

Nobody wants us to kill them. Eliminate them. Make them be different from what they are. No matter what they say, I'm proposing that. Everybody will say intimacy. I want intimacy. But almost everybody is afraid of it too. They want to be embraced and they're afraid to be embraced. So it's a complicated thing. Embrace me, but not like that. So that's what we can work on this weekend. And I'm trying to take care of this. And also I have this special pain system around here which tells me if I'm doing stuff I shouldn't be doing. And when I, you know, two months ago, almost everything I did, I got the message, don't do that.

[50:37]

A variety of movements were permitted. But now it's kind of like saying, okay, you can do that. You can put that leg on top of this one. You can put this one on top of that one, but like this. And then, I'm getting all this information about, it's now telling me where to put it, and I'm learning how. I have some instructions, some guidelines, but the pain is, you know, is coming to back up the instructions. So I'm, physical therapist is pretty happy with the instructions. and things are coming along quite well. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be sick to your stomach about what I'm doing, because you don't know what I can do and can't do. And I'm not going to do a bunch of stuff just to help you see when you start feeling sick to your stomach.

[51:49]

Can you hear me in the back? Anything else you want to bring up tonight? Yes, Homa. I hear you. And also I pray that great compassion comes to your not being interested in words. You said you're not interested in words? Yeah. So that statement, I'm not interested in words, I hope great compassion comes and embraces that statement. Great compassion is not trying to get you to not say that.

[52:57]

Pardon? You couldn't hear? Homer said she was not interested in words. That's what she said. And I said, I pray that great compassion will come and embrace her saying and statement, I'm not interested in words. Yes, Great Compassion wants to show you that.

[54:07]

And you want Great Compassion to show that to you? You're open to that. Okay, good. Elizabeth? Yeah, well, again, me trying to protect you is, you know, what do you call it? It's a good warm-up, maybe, or it's a good opportunity to learn about protecting all beings. So if I try to, if I think that I'm going to protect you, and I, if you excuse me, put it out, That could be an opportunity for me to realize that that way of approaching you is not protecting you. Protecting you is our intimacy.

[55:18]

That protects you. it's not me trying to protect you, and it's certainly not me not wanting to protect you, and it's not you protecting me. It's the way we're intimate that protects us. But that's very subtle. And that's what we're trying to discover. Because it's already here. I mean, I don't think any of us are going to get more intimate with each other. It's already... Intimacy... Great compassion is reality. It's not something we make. Intimacy is reality. Connecting with each other, right? Interdependence, all that. That's the teaching. We're talking about Buddha discovered that. When Buddha was a Before Buddha was Buddha, nobody knew about this teaching.

[56:18]

Buddha didn't make it. Buddha did not create intimacy. Buddha did not create protection. Protecting beings is already present. We're trying to discover it. When you discover it, then you can participate with it. But it's not me protecting you. But me wanting you to be protected, that doesn't necessarily get into me protecting you. I want intimacy to be realized, and I want you and all beings to be realized. But I'm not the one who's going to do it. I'm not the protector. I'm the devotee of protection. I'm devoted to it. Yes. Yes. And I hope everybody else would join the praise and homage to the protection of all beings, which is similar, pretty much, not dissimilar, it's the same as paying homage to Buddha, because that's what Buddha is.

[57:33]

Buddha is the protection of all beings. Buddha doesn't protect you. Buddha is you're protected. Buddha is the way you're with each other. That's what it is. But Buddha doesn't own the protection. Buddha doesn't do it. Buddha is it. It is the protection of all beings. So let's discover it, shall we? Let's discover great compassion. I don't do great compassion. It's in the room right now. It'll be in the room when we walk out. Let's come back and discover it tomorrow morning. Or tomorrow night. But anyway, it's discoverable. And you discover it by compassionately, as compassionately as you can, by observing what's going on, by being as non-dually as possible, be with what's happening.

[58:39]

Anything else tonight? Any other comments? Linda? I say Buddha doesn't try to fix herself. But anyway, not trying to fix yourself could be good practice. So you fixed the teapot. And I was... Really, I was... You could fix a teapot, but I shouldn't try to fix myself. I'm not telling you you should not try to fix yourself. I'm not telling you you should not try to fix yourself. I'm not telling you that. I'm just saying Buddha doesn't try to fix you and Buddha doesn't try to fix yourself.

[59:48]

I'm talking about what Buddha does. But Buddha doesn't... It would be trying to fix you if Buddha told you to stop trying to fix yourself. That would be another trying to fix you. Did you follow that? If someone, like for example Buddha, were to say to you, stop trying to fix yourself, that would be trying to fix you. But Buddha usually doesn't say, stop trying to fix yourself. Buddha is saying, be any different than you are to be Buddha. That's what Buddha says to you. But the person you could be was somebody that's trying to fix yourself. If you're trying to fix yourself, you do not have to be a different person from that person to be Buddha. And if Buddha was you, trying to fix yourself, you. But usually Buddha does not say, fix yourself. Buddha says, let's embrace yourself completely.

[60:51]

And if you by any chance are a professional fixer, then do that wholeheartedly. But then you're not fixing yourself, you're just doing your job completely. And I did ask the teapot if it wanted to be fixed and it said, please. But if people tell me there are problems and I fix you and they say, no, do not fix me. I do not want you to do that. I want you to listen to me. Do not try to fix me. I know you think you can, but do not do that. I want you to respect me the way I am. Because I used to be different. People used to tell me their problems, and guess what? I knew how to fix them. And I told them what to do. And it was brilliant that they did not want it. And they taught me.

[61:55]

They were so patient with me. They didn't kill me. I'm still here, even though I have some really good ways to fix themselves. And fortunately, I don't know, the good fortune was that they didn't abandon me after I kind of insulted them by trying to fix them. They hung in there with me until I gave up trying to help them become who they were. And I feel like I'm following in Buddha's footsteps, in Suzuki Roshi's footsteps. I think they were teaching us how to be ourselves completely, not how to fix ourselves. And when Suzuki Roshi died, I'm just guessing that when he was in America anyway, especially towards the end, he wasn't fixing any of the students. Maybe when he was young, he tried to fix people over in Japan. Maybe he did.

[62:55]

And I think maybe he learned that was a mistake. And so we got this really mature guy who was like not into fixing us, but was into loving us and appreciating us the way we were and seeing that we didn't know how. And he showed us how to do it. But he didn't fix us. Maybe he's a little tempted now and then to do it, but he did so. He did, you know. And he gave me instructions sometimes. But I didn't feel like he was fixing me. I felt like he was giving me what I came, what I asked him for. Like one time I was having tea at Tassajara, you know, afternoon tea, and he came up to me and he said, I want to show you how to bring the stick in the zendo. So he showed me the walking way, you know. But I didn't feel like he fixed me. I thought he was just relating to me And I came for him to relate to me. So he just kind of related to me. He showed me this other way of walking like this.

[64:02]

But I didn't feel like he was saying, you're walking wrong. He just said, I know you want me to teach you something. Can I teach you something? And then you know the story of towards the end of his life, I was flying to Portland with him in the airplane. And when we got on the plane, he said, I don't think he was fixing me. He was just something he could give me. He just wanted to give me gifts. So I'm not, I wasn't really trying to fix the teapot. I was giving it a gift of my attention. Yeah. and I slipped into trying to fix it. But I'm not telling myself I shouldn't do that. And I think if I had really not tried to fix it, I wouldn't have got the worldly pleasure that I got. I would have got something else.

[65:03]

And it might have already also got fixed. Who knows? but I think in a way I did kind of miss being really generous with the teapot before I took it apart. Yeah. First of all, let the thing be the way it is, then take it apart. So Buddha's like completely with us and then maybe has some comment. Like, Oh, that's interesting how you have your robes on. Yes? Well, one of the topics is protecting beings. And that sounds like a really good idea to me, but now I started wondering, what is it I want to protect beings from? You know, I get into... Suffering?

[66:04]

Well, but... Yeah, you can protect them from old age, sickness, and death. You can. Yeah. Intimacy. If you're intimate with old age, sickness, and death, it's called nirvana. Without getting rid of old age, sickness, and death. So protecting beings is to teach them intimacy. but really teach them by being intimate with them. And then they'll learn that from you. And also you'll learn that they're teaching you how to be intimate with their efforts, that it's not you doing it. Yeah. Some people are living, like Bodhidharma is living in the realm of suffering. The weeds are... a poetic version of old age, sickness and death. So, fallen into old age, sickness and death, wall gazing.

[67:11]

That's bodhidharma. Falling into old age, sickness and death intentionally to practice with people and being protected in old age, sickness and death. We're not... not getting rid of it, but being protected by the joy of being with it intimately. And it's not I protect people. The intimacy is the protection. And the lack of intimacy is suffering. Lack of intimacy is suffering. intimacy with youth, health, and life is suffering. And lack of intimacy with old age, sickness, and death is suffering.

[68:18]

One of those things is protection and liberation. That's the proposal. Oh, good. I said something interesting, she said. Can you believe that? Yeah, you're right. Rather than protection from the weeds, it's protection in the weeds. So we fall into the weeds and practice protection, which is, again, this strange Chinese Zen thing. We fall into suffering, practice upright sitting.

[69:23]

But it's another word for intimacy. Wall-gazing is a Zen term for intimacy with what? With the weeds of suffering. And it's because of a vow that we go there. We don't go looking for, we're not just looking for trouble, we're vowing to enter into the process of protection and liberation. So, we go these places, we feel invited to come, we feel called. So, you know, this event here is Weeds. I came here to be in the weeds. I went out of my way to be in the weeds. Of course there's weeds at my house. So why do I have to go down here to have weeds?

[70:27]

I don't know. But that's what I did. I came here to be in the weeds with you. And you came here to be in the weeds with everybody. Protect beings. That's really who you are. You want beings who are in suffering to be protected and liberated. But you don't want to get rid of these people that are suffering, do you? Mostly you don't want to eliminate them. You want to go and help them. And you're happy to do so. And if you had a choice of whether to do it or not, you might try to take a break, but you know, you're being invited.

[71:29]

Anything else tonight? Yes? So, not being intimate is when... Our minds are occupied with thoughts, beliefs, emotions, feelings, concepts, you name it. That's because of us not being intimate. You're kind of close, but not being intimate is ignoring intimacy. So when these things you mentioned are happening, ignoring intimacy when those things are happening is the lack of intimacy. But those things themselves, we can learn to be intimate with those things that you mentioned.

[72:34]

Yes, but I'm saying the reason that we have accumulated so much You could say that, yeah, that the reason for all these things that we're having trouble being intimate with is because for a long time we have been ignoring intimacy. And the results of a long time of ignoring intimacy is lots of affliction. We've got, all these challenges are coming because we have not been Because we have been ignoring, turning away from intimacy. So now it's the time to turn the other way towards it. Towards the things which came from not doing it. So ignorance comes. So now we can start facing our ignorance. Facing our ignorance. Because we're good at it. And along with ignorance comes hatred and attachment.

[73:42]

And Madalena? Is it Madalena or Marlena? Marlena. I go to the intimacy of seeing my parents getting old and fragile, being vulnerable. And the people that were COVID. So it has been a great help to understand that I cannot protect them from the COVID because we are all going through it. Over there, eventually, my dad is going to die. So it has been very peaceful, and I felt like I'm glowing inside my practice because I created the intimacy in helping them to get old and to get no suffering because that's what it is.

[75:01]

and trying to support it with that process. And myself, in Tennessee again. So, no pen, no needle, both. So my question to you would be, in that practice I think I listen to you talks, but still I feel a little bit a confusion How do, if I don't fix, I know I cannot fix those. I cannot fix that, I cannot fix. I know I work with people that are suffering because of racialization and social injustice. How that works then, the intimacy with racism as I see it. How do I work that intimacy with social injustice? Where do I get that part? Because I've been dealing with that all this year.

[76:06]

And even though I still work in compassion for some of my colleagues that have shown me so wide fragility, and so they're bypassing what is going on. And I understand that point of view, and you know, it was hard for me, you know, taking people and telling them that what you're, you're going to see what is happening, you're going to see that it's all these people, particularly African-Americans suffering. Did you see the social justice? And I have been coming and trying to have... Say the last part again, that last little bit. You have been... I have a white husband, and I have a white family, and I have this family, and I have that. But I have been being more compassionate with the people that are being against others. I am really having a hard time with seeking myself the great compassion

[77:08]

And I know I cannot fix that. Because I cannot fix social issues by myself. I cannot fix going on with social issues. So how do I create the intimacy with this? Because this is really something that is getting an issue for me in my practice. Because I live in the world, and it's been wonderful that I can practice at home. And it's wonderful that I can work from home. and I have to go into the world again. So I don't have to be working with all these changes that are going on. Do you want some feedback from me? What do you want? I'm asking you, what do you want from me right now? Some hints? Okay. Here's a hint. Okay, the hint is, remember what you told me about how you're working with your parents.

[78:25]

And then try to remember how you felt when you told me about that, when you were reporting that. And then look back and see, how did you feel when you were telling me the things about social injustice and racism. How did you feel at that time? And what was the difference between those two times? Yeah. Right. Just a second. But talking about your parents, which is a really difficult, painful situation, you seem to be able to be intimate with it, and you weren't upset. When you start talking about the other things, you got upset. And also, I feel like you were having trouble being intimate with your upset. And again, the upset comes because of lack of intimacy with the racists and the injustice.

[79:28]

But before you even look at that, I feel like you were quite with yourself and then you kind of lost yourself. and because you lost your ... I feel like the Buddha wants to work and wants to engage with this terrible caste system we have in the United States which, you know, puts ... dominant class and some people in the subservient class. And all the cruelty that comes from that. with grace kind of covering it up. Buddha wants to embrace that and work with that and protect people under the present circumstances so that they can help others understand what's going on. But we have to be able to be intimate with how disgusted and how bitterly terrible we feel about this situation.

[80:34]

That's part of what we need to do in order to protect beings in this. And you were in another terrible situation where you managed to be, I think, pretty intimate and you were quite helpful. And then in this situation you were having more trouble being intimate and also being intimate and once you started to get you were having trouble being intimate with the upset. But fortunately, you could observe it. And when I asked you, you noticed it. When that comes up, then in some sense, you should immediately go. I shouldn't say you should. You're being immediately called to address that upset. At that time, that's what you should address. And if you can address that and be intimate with that, you will then be able to serve that terrible situation better. and show other people who are also getting upset how they can be intimate with their upset and serve their situation.

[81:36]

So I heard this story in a wonderful, terrible book called Caste. And this woman, this African-American woman is going to have I'm going to make this story shorter. She does it very beautifully but too long for me to do. She can do it. She goes to lunch with a white friend of hers. They go into a restaurant, and basically, they don't get waited on. And her white friend is ordering the food, but the waiter's not paying any attention to them. And basically, they do not get waited on. And finally, they get their food. It's cold, and they can't eat it. And her white friend gets really upset, and is not intimate with her situation, and just, you know, never been treated like that before in her life, but because she's with an African American, now she knows what that's like, what happens.

[82:38]

And she freaks out, because her friend has learned that that doesn't help. It just scares the white people. They don't learn anything from that. As a matter of fact, it probably reinforces the whole system. is when we fight it. And she told another story right after about having a plumber come to her house. And the plumber comes to her house and she's got, she had water in the basement. And so anyway, to make a long story short, she's got a problem in the basement. The plumber comes down and basically the plumber doesn't help her. And she asks him various questions and he just basically says, I don't know. And then finally he's willing to, you know, write out an order for some stuff to do, which will cost a certain amount of money. But basically he's not really saying that that's going to do anything.

[83:42]

Very unsatisfactory situation where she's not being respected. She's not being related to as a human being. It's terrible. And she did not freak out. She just kept trying to get him to help her because that was his job. help him. Well, how about, could it be this? Could it be that? I don't know, I don't know. She did not freak out. She stayed intimate with this terrible pain and insult of this plumber who was not wanting to help her. And then she said, so I thought I'd just do it. You know what a Hail Mary is? You know a Hail Mary full of grace? Anyway, it's also a football term. In American football, they throw this ball. So sometimes what they do is they just take the ball and they just throw it into this, hoping that the mother of compassion will save their game.

[84:45]

It's called a Hail Mary, right? Is that what a Hail Mary is? So she said, I just thought I'd do a Hail Mary to his humanity. to his, you know, his human, to intimacy. I always change, I always say, did a Hail Mary to intimacy. And she said, you know, my mother just died. And, you know, said, is your mother alive? And he said, no. And he started to talk to her. You're alive? Yeah. And they talked and they talked. And she reached him. She reached him. And this white male who didn't respect her and didn't want to help her because he changed. And he started to look around. And he found out what the problem was. The problem was the hot water heater.

[85:50]

He said, you need a new hot water heater. Before that, he wasn't. And she didn't know it was the hot water heater. She didn't. He was not saying, well, it's not that. Anyway, he was not being helpful. And then she reached him. She reached him. But she was able to be intimate with this terrible situation of being with that person for quite a long time who was really not respected. Looking down on her as a black person. But she didn't freak out. She just kept being compassionate and kind of dealing with the pain of it. And then she saw her chance and she threw it. She threw the arrows of compassion. And then they're working together. We can find these ways to reach people, but

[86:51]

Sometimes we have to go through a lot of pain to discover it, to find the thing. Sometimes it happens faster. Sometimes we immediately see what was the problem and point to it. But sometimes we have to put up with a lot of terrible pain in order to, oh yeah, now here's the chance to reach the person and wake them up to our intimacy. And then he gave her a bill for $69,000. for him to diagnose the problem, and she thought that was a reasonable price for what he did. And then she had to, of course, get the hot water heater and have to turn the hot water off. He did all that, so she was safe until she got the hot water heater, because otherwise it could blow up, because it was defective. He did help her in the end, but she had to reach him. And if she had freaked out, she wouldn't have reached him. He just would have said, uh-huh, another one of them.

[87:53]

Another one of them. But she had to take care of herself. And she's learned how to do that. And she's taught her children how to do that. so they can reach people, but it's really hard. And white people aren't used to it, so they freak out because they hadn't even seen it before. We have to learn in there and find a way to be generous and careful and gentle and patient and diligent and calm, and then we can see the intimacy. And when we see the intimacy, That's really hard, though. But thank you for your question. Thank you for noticing the different way you were in the different situations. Because you need to see that. And then you can be intimate with it. You don't have to not be that way.

[88:56]

That's okay the way you are. You just need to be there. And be as intimate with that as you are with these clueless white people. Anything else tonight? Sometimes the first night people have come a long ways and they're a little tired. So sometimes they want to go to bed early. Is that the situation now? Are you tired? Want to go get some rest? Yeah? What? Oh, the Kurt's are perfectly lined up. You're not brothers, are you? But you look kind of like you both got glasses and similar haircut. Yes, Kurt number two.

[89:57]

Yeah. No. I had this knee thing here. If I'm intimate with the pain of it, the pain does not go away. However, if I'm intimate with it, everybody's happy. If I'm not into it with the pain here, you won't be happy because I won't take care of this. I'll be complaining about it or whatever, you know. The pain in my knee, you know, the horrendous thing that they did to my knee with a tremendous skill, but they really ripped me apart, you know. And they put these things on the end of my femur, on the end of my... things in there, squished them in there. I wasn't in, I could hear them go, pam, pam, pam, pam.

[91:06]

I could hear, wow, they're pounding, they're pounding that thing on there. They were like, it's amazing what they did. And my leg really hurt afterwards. And if I was Buddha and able to be intimate with it, it still would have hurt. because the bones are going, are we broken or fixed? So the intimacy does not reduce pain X, but it protects those who are experiencing the pain. So I'm in pain and I'm protected. I'm in pain and all sentient beings are supporting me. I'm in pain and my mother loves me. and my Father, and all beings love me. But I'm also liberated. And real liberation is not to get rid of the pain.

[92:08]

It's liberation while it's still there. If it goes away, fine. But I'm not going to wait till it goes away. I want to be liberated right with it. People, how they can be liberated with their pain right now, not after it goes away. Liberation is not the elimination of suffering. It's intimacy with it. And intimacy is not a feeling. It's the reality of our relationship with suffering. And intimacy is the reality of our relation with pleasure. If we're not intimate with pleasure, we suffer. If we're not intimate with pain, we suffer. If we're not intimate with pleasure, we're not protected. But pleasure can hurt us if we ignore intimacy with it. That's a good bumper sticker, right?

[93:09]

Lack of ignoring intimacy with pleasure is the addiction industry. Ignoring the intimacy with their pleasure. Therefore, they get addicted to it. But if you're intimate with pleasure, you can let it go. And if you're intimate with pain, you can let it go, not get rid of it. So intimacy is not a feeling, although you may have a feeling. The feeling is optional. You can be intimate with people and not feel the least bit intimate with them. and you can realize it and know it's true. Even though I didn't think intimacy was going to be like this. I thought it was going to be like that. Well it's not like this and it's not like that. It's the intimacy of this and that. But basically a simpler thing is intimacy with suffering does not increase or decrease the suffering.

[94:18]

The suffering is 7-3 suffering. That's what it is. Intimacy with it is letting it be just like that and not being the least bit separate from it, which we're not. But we need to train to discover this because we have habits of looking away from it. Be kind to our habits of looking away. yeah and and as we get better at patience sense of the suffering being separate from anything gradually narrows down until there's just in the suffering there's just a suffering No, my leg, my leg's in this pain.

[95:30]

My knee was hurting. Well, I would suggest that if you felt that you were more intimate with the pain when you're sitting down there than you are in the chair, I would say down there. But sometimes if you sit in the chair, you still have pain. but you can be more intimate with it. So if you had two different postures and you felt this posture I can feel, I can discover intimacy. That one I can't. I might start with the one where I did and get a feeling for intimacy. Now try the other posture.

[96:30]

Let intimacy be the guide rather than the level of pain. My mind had our open-heart aortic surgery. And afterwards, he didn't want to take painkillers because he thought Zen students didn't need painkillers. But he couldn't be intimate with them because there wasn't so much pain. So he was like, no painkillers, but kind of like trying to be in another... not exactly another universe, but anyway, someplace else from his body, which is, you know, his body was breathing, right? But his breathing, if he breathed, painful, painful that he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to breathe deeply. So he breathed shallowly. He wasn't taking painkillers, but he was shying away from breathing deeply because it hurt. And breathing shallowly is not a good thing to do after you just have open-heart surgery.

[97:39]

Follow me? So then somebody said to him, you know, if you took a little bit of pain medication, you could probably breathe more deeply. And then you could clear the fluids in your lungs. So he took some pain medication because he wasn't really feeling his pain anyway. But he took enough pain medication so he could like feel his breathing and clear his lungs. So, yeah, if you feel no pain If you feel no pain and you feel too much pain, and you can't be intimate with... I shouldn't say too much. If you feel no pain and then sitting on the floor, you feel pain but you can't be with it, I would say, well, find a posture where you feel you can be with the pain. So again, patience is... When you first start practicing patience, you're maybe a little bit in the past and a little bit in the future, or a lot in the past and a lot in the future.

[98:50]

You're not in the present pain. So you train to learn how to be with this pain, not with the ones you used to have for five minutes, and not for how much longer it's going to be. You train yourself into being with it. You're not... not getting rid of it, but being with it. And you notice that you're not with it, that you're thinking about how long it's been going on or how long, or various things you could do to fix it rather than be with it. So in terms of where you should sit, experiment. Again, I've been trying to emphasize a scientific approach to compassion. Observe the pain when you're sitting there. Observe the pain when And then do experiments. Sit down and see how the pain is. Does it suddenly go from zero to fifty? Or does it go zero, one, two?

[99:54]

Study it. Observe it. Experiment with it. And you will with it. If it goes from zero to a hundred, that's very interesting. Tell me about that one. But it probably doesn't. It probably goes, one, two, three, four, five, six, I'm starting to get worried, seven, four, five, now I'm freaking out. Study it, observe it. Try to be with it. If you can be with it and relax with it, you're on the road to intimacy with it. But if you notice that you're starting to get more tense and so on and so forth, it doesn't look good. Maybe time to take a break. You see what I mean? And one way to take a break is to sit. But then, remember, you can go right down there and just, you know, right now you can go sit there for a little while and see how it feels and observe it. Want to try? Yeah, why don't you just sit there and see how is it? It's a nice Zafa you got there.

[100:55]

Okay, there he is. He's sitting. And how are you feeling? You're feeling okay, yeah. So you might just sit there and go, how are you feeling? Hey, Kurt, how are you feeling? Okay. Hey, Kurt, how are you feeling? Okay. Hey, Kurt, how are you feeling? Uncomfortable. Okay. Can you relax with that? Yeah. Good. How are you feeling? I'm feeling more uncomfortable. Can you relax with it? Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. How are you feeling now? I'm starting to tense up. Well, you know, maybe it's enough Maybe carefully uncross your legs and sit in the chair and try again. In this way, you will be able to relax with more and more challenging situations. This is one way you can do that. And if you can relax with it, then you can start playing with it. And then you can be intimate with it. It's already there, you discover. That gives you a feeling for how to work with this, okay?

[102:07]

And you can do it tomorrow morning. Maybe you can only do it for two minutes. Still, it's a good experiment. And you'll learn something about patience, something about relaxation, and you'll learn something about observing, and you'll learn something about experimenting. And that way you can find a way to sit more and more. And it isn't so much that you learn to sit with more and more pain, to relax more and more with pain and be more and more present with it, which might allow you to also tolerate more pain and be relaxed with it and present with it. Because some big pains may be coming. So it's good if we know how to observe them compassionately, be generous with them, be careful with them, be gentle with them, be patient with them, and also observe them and experiment with them.

[103:18]

We can learn about these pains, and we can understand these pains, and we can protect ourselves. And when we protect ourselves, we protect the people at Mount Madonna. That's what they told us, right? So please take care of yourself for their sake. And please take care of yourself for our sake. Okay? I've been doing quite a bit of what I just talked about for the last 55 years. Spending a lot of time working with pain when I'm sitting. And I don't push myself too hard. So I haven't given up. Pushed themselves too hard. And then they gave up. They said Zen's too hard. But that's because they weren't kind to themselves. And they pushed themselves so hard they thought Zen was too hard. But really they weren't like being gentle and respectful of their pain. I don't want you to push yourself too hard.

[104:22]

Just please be gentle with yourselves when you're sitting and also when you're walking. So again, the pattern will be tomorrow we'll sit, we'll walk, we'll sit, we'll walk, And then we'll walk to the dining room and eat breakfast. And then we'll walk back and sit. And then we'll walk and have discussion. Okay? That's the pattern throughout the day for you to be intimate with what's going on. Anything else tonight? Is that enough? Thank you very much for coming to this event. May our intention equally extend to every being and place with the true merit of Buddha's way.

[105:29]

Beings are numberless. I vow to save them. Afflictions are inexhaustible. I vow to cut through. Dharmagates are endless. I vow to enter them. Buddha way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it.

[105:47]

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