I hesitated to cover up the previous page, but I did. And so at the top of this, it says compassionate care. And then it moves on to practices of aspiring and energizing and encouraging and moves into practice of concentration and relaxation. But I also feel like... I still want to reiterate the basic and ongoing practices of compassion towards grief and fear and anxiety. So there's a basic picture I have of our life, human life and also non-human life, is that we We are innately inclined to find that obscures reality.

[01:30]

We are inclined to have a mind that creates a sense that things are out, that other beings are separate from us. We impose a kind of sense of separation on our life experience. And because we do that, we're afraid, we're anxious. And then we tend to use to cover or obscure the anxiety. So mostly we're operating in a level of various kinds of activities that we're using afflictively and addictively to cover our... Grief is kind of nice because it kind of breaks through the activities which we're using to cover our anxiety.

[02:52]

It kind of like, yeah, it kind of like says, hey, wait a minute, here's some activity for you that you weren't concerned with. You were concerned with taking care of your family, taking care of your work, taking care of your body. All these activities, right? They're important. You're taking care of them. Now grief is saying, here's another one for you. But even grief can't break through. Even sadness can't break through the activities. If you're busy enough, you won't notice the grief opportunity. If you're busy enough, sadness can't get through. like if you're out in the ocean and the water and you're far from the shore and you don't know if you're going to get back, you're swimming hard, you don't feel sadness, you're starting to feel your fear there maybe, but if you're swimming hard enough, you don't notice the fear even.

[03:54]

So anyway, grief and sadness sometimes do get through and when they get through, well, it's good. There's an opening in the cover. The grief and sadness are in a sense particularly not the grief and sadness the grief and sadness and the the anxiety is an affliction again but I say that the affliction of anxiety and fear comes from being afraid to face reality. And it comes from being afraid because we're not facing reality. Don't face reality we're afraid and also the way we don't face reality is by imposing a false idea of the way things are and we're anxious because of that too. So anyway the cure of all this is very simple and that is to be kind to our activity.

[05:03]

be compassionate to our activity and then if we're compassionate to our activity our reward for being compassionate to our activity is that the covering of our reward of our compassionate activity towards our our experience our reward is that our experience opens up a little bit and shows us grief and anxiety that's our that's a sign that our that we're doing our work is that we get in touch with our fear and anxiety then if we can be kind to our fear and anxiety and our grief then we can start to relax and be absorbed in being kind We can start being kind and relaxed with being kind with our grief and our anxiety.

[06:07]

And grief is a coming and going thing. Anxiety is ongoing. And if the grief comes up and we're kind to it, then we get to come in present anxiety, present fear. And if we can be kind to that, we can open to what we're afraid of. What we're afraid of is reality. Superficially we're afraid of when we project separation on the situation and then if we would relax with that and become free of that we would be facing non-separation. And that is really awesome. The way we're not separated is really awesome. And if we can be kind to that and be relaxed with that, we will realize freedom.

[07:12]

And then we'll be able to go back to our compassionate activities. And all of our activities, not just our compassion towards our activities, but all our activities will become compassionate. Now, a lot of our activities are distracting us from our fear and anxiety. They're not compassionate activities, they're addictions. Because we're using them to cover reality, to cover our fear. Once we become free of our fear and in touch with reality, then these activities which we used to use as addictions will now become a form of compassion. So first we're practicing compassion before we're free towards our addictions and in this process we come to a place where our addictions are converted into compassion.

[08:17]

Talking and walking and thinking to cover reality and to cover our fear I should say to cover our fear and to cover our reality but we're walking and talking to express our freedom. We're not using our activity as a cover. It's expressing freedom from covering. Someone just told me about a trip, a potential trip, family trip to Europe And she was wondering if she should let her, sort of require that her boys hand over their electronic devices. So I think part of what's going on in place of certain other addictive substances, we now have...

[09:25]

We have these toys that boys and girls have, and they can use these toys as a way to cope with anxiety. So their parents, and they're afraid of how much longer it's going to take to get there, or they're afraid of boredom, they have these things to, like, self-medicate with these electronic devices. And the question is, if you're going on a trip, should you take these addictions away? Or should you let them use it to cope with the anxiety they're going to feel, like traveling with their parents and traveling with each other? And so actually, I'd like to this with you. Like if a child is anxious, most children are anxious, but most children are not that interested in facing their anxiety.

[10:36]

And if they're not interested in facing their anxiety, they're trying to look for something to distract them from it. And if they don't find something to distract themselves from it, and you're in the neighborhood, then you have to deal with them. So if you don't want to deal with them, you can use their TV or something, and they can use that to cover their anxiety, and then you don't have to be there to assist them and help them deal with their anxiety. So you can go off and do something to distract yourself from your anxiety. but if you go if you put aside your work and go attend to them and they don't have something to cover their anxiety then you have to face your anxiety about their anxiety and then they have to be with you facing your anxiety actually what this retreat's about is

[11:46]

not giving them something, or I should say, asking them to put aside their addictions so that they're actually anxious. And then you also are putting aside your addictions to be with them and to be with your anxiety about their anxiety. So nobody's using any addictions at that situation. Everybody's anxious together. Now you can give them their electronic devices and then they can self-soothe with that, which means that they can distance themselves from their anxiety with this device. You can distance yourself from their anxiety because they've got a break. So then you can go and do something to distance yourself from your anxiety. But if you put aside your thing, you start to feel anxious.

[12:52]

And what are you anxious about? You're anxious about asking them to put aside their thing and then dealing with what would happen if you do that. So I wrote on the board there, compassionate care. So now we're talking about being compassionate towards what? Towards anxiety and grief? Yeah. And what's it say next? It says, energizing, aspiring. Aspiring to what? Aspiring to have the courage to face my anxiety, being with my loved ones. to actually work up the energy and the aspiration that I actually could be with somebody without any kind of way to escape from my anxiety about them or my anxiety about their anxiety.

[13:58]

Actually be with them. And if grief comes, also to aspire to open to my grief. Because if I open to my grief, that will also help me actually be there with them. My grief is saying, you're holding on to something that's distracting you. With what? With anxiety. If you would open to this grief, you'll be able to let go and then your reward will be you actually can be in the present, have your life of anxiety. In other words, you can be fresh, a living human being. So now I'm talking about how to energize us, to encourage us, to stimulate our courage to actually be willing to be with our loved ones, but also to be with people we don't know so well.

[15:01]

Like, for example, in this retreat, there's some people here who we do not know so well. There's some people here who I know quite well, and the type of anxiety I have with them is the type of anxiety I have with people I know quite well. And then there's some people here who I don't know. And then I have a different type of anxiety with them and they with me. So I'm actually now talking about there is a practice and this practice in some sense lives between the first three practices of compassionate care which bring benefit and the last two practices of concentration and wisdom which actually liberate us So we have afflictions and addictions and I'm sort of talking about bringing compassion and addictions. Afflictions and addictions are kind of almost synonymous except that addictions sort of emphasizes the way of covering the afflictions.

[16:17]

But also, afflictions are ways of covering reality. So both afflictions and addictions are ways of covering reality. And covering reality is afflictive, is painful, is negative. So we're talking about not being mean to these afflictions and addictions, but being kind to them, by being generous towards them, generous towards affliction, generous towards addictions, covering and obscuring and distracting. And then, when we can learn to be creative, when we can learn to be concentrated and creative, we can become actually free of them. we can benefit them before we're free of them.

[17:20]

We can bring benefit before there's freedom from affliction. We can bring benefit to addictions before there's freedom from addictions. We can bring benefit also to... and then when we bring benefit to addictions We start to, again, open to them more and more. We start to open to the anxiety when we're kind to the things we're using to distract ourselves from the anxiety. So once again, kindness towards the coverings of anxiety open. Kindness towards the anxiety opens to reality. Opening to reality, we then can try to be calm and relaxed with it being calm and relaxed with it, we can start to play with it, starting to play with it, we start to have insight into it, we start to become even more... and then there's liberation.

[18:22]

In between these two types of practices, ones which bring benefit and the others which liberate, there's the energizing practices, there's the encouraging practices, there's encouraging stimulating courage practices, When I started talking about almost the contemplation of going cold turkey with electronic devices, quite a few people started to smile. And I interpret that smile, wouldn't that be frightening? Wouldn't that be wonderful? Wouldn't that be frightening to have kids who don't have any drugs on them? We don't want our kids to have drugs, but What would our kids like to be without drugs? We don't want our kids to be looking at these screens all the time and never looking at anybody else.

[19:25]

And yet, if we take the screens away, then we'd have these very energetic creatures looking for some other addiction, like perhaps hating their mother. Maybe that would distract them from their anxiety. Being angry is a really good distraction. That's what people used to use before they had computers. They used to get angry at people when they were afraid. So, again, they're angry at you here. Then they're zombies, you know. They're sedated. Not angry at mommy anymore. I sometimes used to watch my grandson. Beautiful. Such a good boy. And then he'd go in front of the TV and he'd become this zombie.

[20:28]

This beautiful, anxious creature who has all kinds of fears and... interest and explore energy and also afraid you know like he's he's really he still but you know when he was little he his fear was so was so close to the surface you know like be talking to me and if I would just go His name's Maceo. If I just say, Maceo, how are you today? He'd say, Randy, don't talk like that. Just changing my voice a little bit, he'd become afraid. Stop that. He often thought of adventures, going on adventures. So we live at this farm called Green Gulch. He's visiting me, and...

[21:31]

he often thinks of adventures, and he likes to plan them beforehand, and he particularly likes to plan to take on the adventures, and also make bag lunches, which he used to call bag of lunch. So he'd get the food together, and I'll get all these little equipment together. So one time, his idea was to... It was like this time of year in November, and so it was like after dinner, so it was dark, cold, and he had this idea of... He was about three or four, and he had this idea of going down into the garden and digging in the dirt, in the dark, in the cold. He didn't think of the dark and the cold, but I was aware that it was dark and cold, and he wanted to go off into the dark and down into the garden and dig in the earth. And he had this little gardening set that was built just for him. It's a good strap-on. So he got on the gardening set and got our little snacks together. We also took our dog with us.

[22:36]

The dog's name is Rozzy. And I thought, gee, if we go down there, he'll probably get frightened. When we go down into the dark and the cold, he'll probably get frightened. But I thought, I'm not going to tell him that he's going to get frightened. I'm going to go with him. I'm going to go with this person who I love and who's going to probably get afraid. In other words, I was not afraid of being with him when he might get afraid. He was courageous, and I had the courage to go with him on this scary trip. I didn't talk him out of it beforehand. To go on this trip. And I was not feeling so much fear myself, and I was not too afraid that he would get afraid. I was courageous at that time. It was one of my courageous moments where I always had the courage to go do something that he might get frightened by. And then I would have to... I would want to take care of my frightened grandson if he got frightened.

[23:45]

So we're heading down the hill into the dark. We're already dark. We're going down, down, down, down to the garden. And as we approach the garden, he and I and the dog He says, what's that? And I said, that's the sound of frogs in the pond. And he says, you mean like ribbit, ribbit? And I said, yes. He said, okay. And we proceeded further. And the frog sounds got louder in the dark, in the cold. And he said, let's go back. I think Rozzy's getting scared. And I said, okay. He became aware of, he couldn't quite become aware that he was afraid. He did become aware, but then he shifted it to the dog.

[24:49]

But he, you know, I went on this excursion with him into the land of fear. And then when he had enough, backed off. Now the question, At that point, should we give him his computer? At that point. It wasn't necessary. He hadn't learned that yet. It was too little to have a computer. But some kids would pull out their computer right then. But again, we don't want to force upon the children going cold turkey. But, you know, it's a delicate thing. Are we up for dealing with what our children would be like if they didn't have their addictions? And one of the nice things about vacation is, one of the nice things about it, and one of the frightening things about it is, the kids are not going to go off to daycare, probably.

[25:50]

They might not be going off to daycare. They might not be going to school. Your husband or your wife's not going off to work. You're going to be together. However, you've got nothing else. You have no other jobs to do but be together. That's all you have to do. So actually, you could spend all your time dealing with each other's anxiety because you have no other jobs to do. I mean, except deal with what's happening together. And, yeah, things you would think of doing would be pure escapes from each other. And I guess... Again, I would say, let's be kind to ourselves when we want to escape from each other. When we say, I cannot face the kids' anxiety anymore, even though they don't have to go to school, even though they don't have to go to daycare, let's find something for them to do. Let's take them to a theme park. They want to escape from their anxiety. Let's take them so we can have a break. It's okay. You can be kind to yourself with these addictions, but it's nice if you know what you're doing.

[26:55]

that I'm taking a break. Part of encouraging, part of stimulating courage is to know when to rest. Again, with my grandson, when he was little, he was just like, and if I was a person taking a break, non-stop, he was just like, a lot of energy, and he wanted, and I was his plaything. And at a certain point, I'd feel like I was getting weary, and I would say to him, can I take a nap? And he'd say, no, no, no, no, no. I said, please let me take a nap. No, no, no, no, no. I said, and I'll be a better playmate if you just let me. No, no, no, no, no, please. Okay. So then I go, and I take a five-minute nap. and come back, and he would see that I was actually more able to keep up with him, with a little nap. But I really felt like Noah, that that's a way for me to self-soothe, so that I can be more effective with him.

[28:08]

And also with him, it's not exactly self-soothing, but we have to keep feeding him. If he doesn't eat, his blood sugar level goes down, and then he becomes, well, he becomes Kind of crazy. But he's so busy, he sometimes, he doesn't think of eating. He doesn't feel his hunger sometimes when he's really active. He's so active. So we have to sort of like bring him in and feed him. Otherwise we have a kid. And then, of course, at night, when he was little, we had to sort of get him ready to go to sleep before it was time to go to sleep, because the time between not having to go to sleep and going to sleep was very close. And then as you go into the time when he should be up, again, he becomes kind of crazy. So we try to get him to go to sleep before he becomes insane. But that means you have to, like...

[29:08]

get him ready and do things which aren't really necessary except that if you don't do them beforehand and you do them when he starts to lose it, it's very... and like brushing the teeth is like a battle. So you have to sort of do that unless you want to have a really rough time. So it's not a black and white situation. Part of kindness with addictions is to is to be kind to them and be generous, not to try to get rid of them. Now again, how can we aspire to being courageous about being kind and then also be courageous about the next step, which is the concentration practices. The next step, which is about relaxing.

[30:14]

So... I'm about ready now to start talking about the next step, but I also want to make sure that we have enough energy and... aspiration to move forward. And so I'd like some feedback on how things are going at this point before we take the next step. Yes. Tina. Excuse me for breathing on your microphone. When you're speaking, I'm thinking in my mind about moderation. Yeah. And we've probably either experienced a vacation with families that probably haven't gone the way we've wanted to have it go, or we've heard about families that have had a vacation that hasn't gone the way that they expected it to go.

[31:33]

So my question is your thoughts on moderation if we start the family vacation. Let's say a young child giving them the opportunity to have the electronic device for a certain amount of time, and then the parents having a certain amount of time to do work on the phone or the computer, so the child doesn't feel that the parent's always on the phone. and vice versa. Working with young children, I hear a lot from children say, my dad's always on the computer, my mom's always on her phone. So I think sometimes they feel left out. So I wanted your thoughts on moderation and the family vacation. Okay. Well, number one, I think to me, again, if we would ask the children to hand over their electronic devices, we should hand over ours too. Shouldn't be that they're sitting there without any toys, any addictive toys, and we're playing with our addictive toys.

[32:36]

Because if they're without their addictive toys, they need our attention. We have to, like, give up our thing if they're giving up theirs, because they're going to need a lot of support to deal with coming off these things. And if we're going to go on our computers, I think then they should go on theirs. Because who's going to take care of them? And if they're off theirs, If we're off ours, if they're on theirs and we're off ours, then the adults are just going to devour each other without the kids to help. We can use the kids, also the parents can use the kids as an addiction to not deal with their problems, right? A lot of parents do that. They use the children to avoid dealing with the interparental anxiety. So that's another thing, is how to not, yeah. So on a vacation, it would be possible to use the children as a way for the parents to distract from their anxiety about each other.

[33:42]

And the kids can use the parents as a way to distract them from their anxiety with each other if there's more than one kid. So, and moderation, so moderation. So if everybody feels like, okay, we can't stand each other enough, to our addictions and relatively speaking so far we don't have any people killing themselves with computers the way we do some other addictions but still maybe a little bit of it might be a little break it's like break time we're not able to face each other right now let's take a break I think it should be allowed that we say I need a break from you It's getting to be too much for me. I want a break. And to say that, and say, and I'd like a break, and I want to go away now, not face you, in other words, not face my anxiety of being with you, I'd like to go away now for an hour.

[34:47]

And at the end of the hour, we'll check back in to see if we're ready to relate. And maybe in another hour, I would say, I need another hour. But just keep in touch. And I think to do that, and it could be that the vacation is just... I mean, to go away from home, it's like go away from home to be together. Because at home we have all of our ways to distract ourselves from each other. Like I often also use... At a certain age, she says, what do you want for Father's Day or what do you want for your birthday? And at a certain point, I would say, a walk and a talk. Because in order to talk with my daughter, I had to walk away from the house, into the hills. Because if I was in the house, there's a refrigerator, snack time. There's a bed, nap time. There's a telephone.

[35:49]

At that time, there weren't computers. But there's all these distractions from actually us being together. So if I said to my daughter, for my father's day, I would like a talk. I'd have a talk in the house. Couldn't do it. There's too many distractions. From what? From intimacy. From anxiety. For her and me to talk is actually quite... it's quite an anxious thing. It's a lot of anxiety because we're kind of like separate. You know, we're really not separate and yet to negotiate that space is not easy for us. To talk in that space with all that anxiety is not easy. We take a walk. So we take walks and the first part of the walk chattering about various things, which were not talking to me, but just chattering. And they were, again, addictions. So she wouldn't have to talk to me and wouldn't have to be quiet with me and anxious with me.

[36:55]

And I just listened to that. I didn't... In the house, you could also do that kind of chattery, distracting kind of addictive talk, which is avoiding, you know... the facing that you're with your father and your father getting a break that he's with his daughter so that chatter would go on for a while stop particularly she'd stop if we started to walk to higher altitudes as we started to go uphill it was hard to keep chattering so she'd go quiet and then we'd just walk quietly together and then we'd be anxious together Quietly. And then we start talking. Talk that I wanted to have. The talk we had after we faced our anxiety of being together. And then we go back to the house and the addictions come back. You know, the distractions from just being together. So I think allowing a little bit of...

[38:03]

Well, you know, just generally allowing that, being kind to the fact that we do do a lot of stuff like eat, sleep, read, stuff like that to avoid being with the people we most want to be with. Like again, sometimes when we're separated from somebody we really care about and we're coming back together. We often think, oh boy, I'm going to get to be with her. I'm going to get to be with him. And we get together and then we're together and then we say, oh, I got to go check my answering machine. I got to go through my mail. And we do kind of want to go through our mail if we've been away. And we do want to check to see what's on the answering machine. But we weren't thinking... Well, maybe we were. But as we were approaching home, we weren't thinking, oh, God, I'm going to be able to go through my mail. No, we're thinking of the person there that we want to go be with. We see them. Well, maybe later. You know, I'll do it with you later.

[39:06]

I'm going to do this other thing, this easy thing called going through the mail, which will distract me from the anxiety of being with you. You, I'm anxious about being with you, who's the most important person to be with. The person to be with is the person we feel the most anxiety about. Thank you. Yeah, so moderation is part of kindness. So I don't know if we bring the addictions in the luggage or not. Maybe not, maybe so. The producers of these equipment would be happy for you to go and buy new ones. You could spend your whole time on your addictions, on your vacation. Yes. So I think we're talking about addiction.

[40:34]

And I think you had a story that came up about... Speak up a little bit. I think we're talking about addiction. And you brought a story that has to do with children and electronics. Children and what? Electronics. Yes. And in the telling of this story, we started to talk about anxiety. Hold the microphone a little bit farther away from you. Yeah. How's that? Good. And I noticed that I had a lot of experiences come up during this conversation. I think because I live with a 13-year-old boy, my son, who has been struggling much of his life with feelings of anxiety.

[41:39]

He also lives in a world where the children around him engage in lots of different types of electronics. And just looking a little bit at our path together with this situation. And seeing our life together with this anxiety and electronic situation. has been a bit of a gift for us. Early in his life with the anxiety, the anxiety sort of spurred on a lot of different kinds of that needed to happen in order for him to just function. Dialogue with you? Dialogue with me. And much of the time when he was younger, he was able to be with the anxiety, cope with the anxiety that he was feeling because I was very close to him and I stayed close to him and he was able to come and just physically be embraced by me or kind of on a physical level, he was able to come to me to cope with the anxiety.

[42:58]

And he grew older and was... um, came into contact with other children and... Excuse me, but he came into contact with other children and you weren't necessarily there with him. Yes, thank you. So then, right, so taking his steps into his life with me, with the other children, and being very interested in these electronics, they sort of naturally flowed into our lives. But they came in more of a kind of an experiment from my point of view, like, okay, he's living in the world. and he has this is what they engage in and he'd like to do this and we'll try this um So I guess I was talking about dialogue. And so what it brought up for us was an opportunity to talk. So to talk about, well, how am I feeling before I decide that I need to play such and such in electronics.

[44:06]

So feeling language came into our lives a lot more. Awareness of what we're doing and how we're using came into our lives a lot more. And so I find that he's really developed Can I say something? Please. I heard you say awareness of how we're using. Yeah. So there became a development of an awareness of using. Exactly. Okay, I'm using this, I'm using this, I'm using this, aware of it. And you were there to help him do that. I was there. I also spend a lot of time playing those games or sitting with him playing. And I had to cope a lot myself. I had a lot of issues come up just in terms of the content and my thoughts and feelings about the content and my wishes for other types of activities that I would like, wish you were engaged in. different wishes that I had for him.

[45:08]

And so all of this was just a rich opportunity to talk about where we are, what we're doing, and what we would like to do. you know, putting out ideas of what do you think about reading for, you know, spending time with your novel for 30 minutes before doing that? What do you think about this and that before doing that? What do you think is a good balance? Do you think balance is a good idea? Together, how are we to talk about this situation? And he's a very insightful person, I find. Each evening we have kind of a pillow talk because we have to because of the anxiety. He actually has different diagnoses. And so we check in with how he's doing with his work around these various diagnoses that he has.

[46:13]

And he also, um, occasion at this point. And that's also a conversation that we need to talk about. And we're not saying this is forever, but it helps this little child, uh, function and become more engaged with actually what is going on. So he can become more skillful in the future. And, um, I was talking to my own about practice and about this whole idea of welcoming, and he said to me, you're way ahead of me, Mommy. Not that I'm able to do this practice, but he said, you're just way ahead of me. That seems advanced. Acknowledging that where he's at, what he needs, and what the pitfalls are, and I'm very grateful that these forms have come for us to kind of see what can sort of co-arise with that.

[47:19]

Yeah, very good. You're being kind with these addictions. And that helps his insight have opportunities. You said I'm being kind with his addictions. And your own. And my own, yes. I aspire to be kind with this. And I got this image that, in a way, it would kind of be nice if all the parents could go to school with the kids. So all the kids would have somebody who was having a conversation with them about what they're doing at school. Because the other kids do not usually help the kids become aware of their addictive patterns. But again, the thing is that the parents, some of the parents, It seems like now almost all the parents have to go away from the kids.

[48:24]

It used to be maybe that at least one of the parents was in the neighborhood, or one of the aunts or one of the uncles was in the neighborhood of the kids while they were playing and helped the kids become aware of their addictive patterns while they were playing. Those who do not know how to be aware are with each other, so it's not such a good situation. And there was a while there when you didn't have to go work in addition to being with him. And where you could help him all the time deal with this anxiety. Right. So just looking at what is the best case now. And it means that he needs to put some things together for himself. And I find that given the opportunity, he is doing that. And also the opportunity to say, you know, you can also go forward and offer this in your friendship groups. close friend you can offer this by having that language and speaking that language with them and just having those ideas and I'm very grateful because I have seen

[49:35]

a lot of difficulty and When they're completely just given over to addiction and I think that that has been a very large fear for me with the children and so that we have this opportunity with the electronics to Look at that issue is time Some kids It sounds kind of funny to say this, but I'm going to say it. They're so successful with their addictions that they don't feel any anxiety. They just seem like to be happy kids at hiding their anxiety from themselves. Your son, who is in a way not very successful at hiding his anxiety from himself, his addictions don't work to completely cover it. and the irony is that his difficulty with actually dealing in the long run may make him much more helpful to his friends than they can be for each other because they're all sort of totally, what do you call it, in denial that they're anxious.

[50:53]

Like adults have often come to me and told me they're anxious and I mentioned to them that other adults and it's like total news to them. They don't know anybody but themselves that's anxious. They're anxious and they don't tell people. And the people they do tell, the people don't know what they're talking about. You're anxious? What's that? They've never heard of it. So it's kind of encouraging to them. Most of the people I talk to are anxious. Or everybody I talk to is anxious. A long time ago I read a book by Krishnamurti. And I read the first page. And at the bottom of the first page, it said, wherever you go, everybody is. And I turned the page, and he said, afraid. I was surprised. You know, I wonder, what is it that wherever you go, people are afraid? And I thought, I didn't think, oh, that was true.

[51:55]

I thought, wow, that's interesting. Is that true? That everybody's afraid? Well, yes. But some people are aware. And the ones who are aware are potential spiritual teachers. And some people are kind to the fear. And some people are not only aware and kind, but they're relaxed and concentrated with their fear and some people are not only relaxed and concentrated with their fear but they play with it some people are then creative with it and then some people understand it and become free of it and when they're free of it they have a chance to plunge back down into it and show people what freedom does with the fear how it continues to be kind but in new and creative ways Yeah, I've spent a lot of time being afraid, especially with a little child and being the parent.

[53:06]

If parents aren't afraid and their children are afraid, what can they do for them? It's like, you're afraid? What do you mean? How can you be afraid? There's nothing to be afraid of. This does not help them to deny that there's anything to be afraid of or talk them out of it. But more, it's like... Oh, somebody just told me that their son was afraid at a karate class or a martial arts class. And he was afraid to do the next test for the next level of training. And he didn't want to do it. But then the parents told him how they were afraid. You know, how their stomach felt and their heart felt and their sweaty palms. And the parents told the child, the child went, oh, yeah, right. And then he said, okay, I'll take the test. So, yeah, your fear for your son's welfare and your fear for your welfare and your fear for my welfare makes it possible for you to help your son with his fear. And you're a little bit more advanced than him.

[54:07]

I'm not really. Well, thank you for saying so. Excuse me. You're a little bit ahead of him. Mm-hmm. Well, I aspire to sort of be with him. Yeah, to be with him. To be with him, and then also you say, oh, I'm ready to take a step, are you? And he said, no, Mom. But then you stay with him. You don't go off ahead with him. You stay with him. Okay, if you're not ready, I take the walk for my grandson. He's just afraid we'll go back home. Right, I stay with him. I wonder if this is something we can be kind together with. I wonder if this is something we can be kind together with. Yeah. And also I just wanted to acknowledge how awesome it is to see him continually take his steps forward. I think if I experienced the level of anxiety and the difficulties that he has over the years, I'm not sure I would be continuing to go forward.

[55:11]

keep meeting it and going forward and saying yes to it as he has, and I'm greatly moved by that. I'm not sure either. Being sure, I think, is part of kindness. Not being so sure of what the next step should be. I'd like to take this step. How about you? This might be a good step. I'm not ready, Mom. Okay. I'm here with you, not being ready. I totally welcome you not being ready. And I support you saying, I am ready. Yeah. Thank you. Can I borrow your clock? Okay. Any other feedback at this time?

[56:14]

Any other questions or expressions you'd like to offer? Yes. Lots of mothers and boys here. Mothers of men. Yes. My little man is here with me, and his caregiver, Delaney, who is 14, and Carl is 6. And I have a lot to say about the electronic devices and what that's going to look like when he starts asking to engage. Can I just say again, we have a lot of fear of these devices that children use to disguise.

[57:20]

Fear is kind of frightening. But the things that are used to cover fear are also, are even more frightening. Because covered fear is more dangerous than uncovered fear. It's hard to be compassionate once the fear is covered. But you can be, again, we can be compassionate towards the covers of the fear, and then the covers will part. Yes, excuse me. So I very much appreciate And the other parent, too. The example of the willingness, the aspiration to... wellness and Amanda's example of that closeness, you know, staying near.

[58:29]

So Carl does watch television. And There's a television in the car. So as you were saying, as an example, as soon as we picked up Delaney and she got in the car, he was very excited about Delaney coming. She's a good distraction from fear. Yes. The thing he said was, hey, mom, can I watch TV? And I said, well, let's talk first. Delaney just got in the car. Let's talk. Okay. How was everyone's day? You want to share the worst part of the day? So we all shared, and maybe we were 10 miles away. Some sharing had happened. Mom, can I watch TV? I don't know, but let's just see what else happens.

[59:39]

You know, and so after about the fourth asking, you know, Delaney looked over at me, just sort of, I guess, relating as she has electronic devices. And she was doing some texting in the car. So there you were all by yourself. With these two people who are trying to not so much specifically avoid you, But they're trying to avoid being in the car. They're trying to avoid being anxious. Yeah, they're trying to avoid being anxious. Yeah. Yeah. Which is understandable. Anxiety is a advanced thing to welcome. Yes. So I just thought of this, you know, training children, we do usually feel it is necessary to toilet train them. And it's a lot of work. And it's actually a wonderful work. And if you later want to hear about wonderful stories of toilet training, let me know.

[60:44]

I'll tell you. And then there's the thing about eating, getting them to the table. And then there's washing the hands. And then there's putting napkins down. And then there's sitting up. And then there's getting the arm... And then there's brushing the teeth and washing the face and showering. There's a lot of stuff to train these kids at, and these are all opportunities for intimacy rather than using these things as avoiding anxiety. All these things can be used as kind to our anxiety. Our anxiety of interacting with them, to get them to toilet train our anxiety about poop and messiness our anxiety about dirt and disease and get in and meet that now what we need to do now is we need to add along to toilet training we need to add on to postponing just like postponing pooping and urinating we need to postpone electronic activity

[61:59]

it needs to be part of the ritual of human life along with toilet training that children when they come into the house they need to be trained to relate to their parents and to and that's really hard to get them to do but when they come into school teachers have to do the same thing they have to get them to do the class complicated thing is that they have classes on electronics but anyway we need to now have these new trainings because we have new new ways for people to distract themselves from being present so we have to build in times when people put aside these things which are distracting themselves from anxiety most of the necessary forms of training that parents do are around things we're anxious about dental illness food illness, and diseases that come with not taking care of excrement.

[63:03]

All these things are actually very important, and we realize it, so we make the effort. And there's anxiety all around them. Children have so much anxiety around toilet training, right? The way toilet training is done has a pervasive effect on the rest of their life. And the way you relate to your son around his electronic devices will have a pervasive effect on his life. if you get in there with the anxiety that's surrounding this use of this toy and find a way to get him to face the anxiety and you tell him that you by like confess I have I'm sorry I'm really sorry and I'm gonna tell I vow now I'm aspiring I'm telling you I aspire to tell my daughter who I will see in a few days in Los Angeles, to meet her new baby. I'm tired to tell her that I'm sorry that I have not told her how anxious I am around her.

[64:07]

A lot of times I feel anxious with her, but I haven't said, daughter, I want to tell you I'm feeling anxiety with you right now. So I hope that you... will tell your children that you feel anxiety. Mommy's feeling anxious about your use of this toy. And I also feel anxious about limiting your use of it. I feel anxious about saying something to you here. Mommy feels anxious about that. Mommy feels nervous. And the little guy says, well, I feel anxious too. I feel nervous too. Yeah. Thank you for that. Have you told him that mommy feels anxious? No, because he hasn't asked, but I guess I could say that around the television, right?

[65:14]

Yeah, that you feel anxiety because in some ways you don't want to take this thing away from him. Taking it away, and you also feel anxiety about him using it and using it as a way to avoid relating to you. It's not just that, okay, Carl, I want to talk to you. I need this from you. It's more like I'm... that you're using this thing to avoid your fear. I'm afraid that you're using this to avoid your discomfort with your boredom. I'm afraid that you're afraid of boredom. Actually, I'm not afraid that you're afraid of boredom. I can accept that you're afraid of boredom. What I'm afraid is that you're going to distract yourself from your fear with all these things and you're never going to live your life. I'm afraid of that. And I'm afraid I'm going to do that too. So that's why I'm telling you this because I'm admitting I'm afraid.

[66:17]

I'm afraid to tell you I'm afraid. And a lot of people think parents can't tell children that they're afraid. I really think it's good for parents to tell their children they're afraid. Because then the children will be able to be aware that they're afraid. And then they'll be able to see that their parents live a life even though they're afraid. And being afraid doesn't mean you can't do things. For the full moon ceremony, I expressed to him that I had a lot of fear. She was going to perform a chant to a group. And she was having fear as she approached this performance. And she told her son. that mommy feels anxiety about this. Very good. Just as you have felt fear, I can't, going to his swim lesson. And so, yeah, so we chanted together in the car. How many parents, how many fathers tell their children as they're going off to work, my darling children, I want you to know that I have anxiety about my day.

[67:24]

My father kind of admitted that to me just before he died. When he got home from work, he drank. And he said, well, when you're older, to cope with the consequences of your day. But he didn't tell me that he was afraid to go to work. But he was very afraid to go to work. But he wasn't able to tell me that. I realized it afterwards. That every time he'd go to... Because he had to sell this stuff, you know? And he was afraid he wouldn't be able to. So I think it really... ...their children, they're afraid. When they are. So that trip that I took my grandson down into the dark, I wasn't afraid. And I wasn't afraid that he would be afraid. I was up for... that darkness, and I was up for him being afraid. But sometimes when I am afraid, I should tell him. And I'm afraid, you know, when you want something, I'm afraid to say no to you. Because I don't like, I never like to disappoint you.

[68:27]

If you ask me for something and I say no, I don't like, I'm frightened of that look on your face because it hurts me to see you disappointed. I'm afraid of that. I think it's really good to tell children that we're afraid. For us to tell adults that we're afraid. If I may share just one last story. Go ahead. Okay. So this morning at 5, Carl came over to the side of the bed. It was dark. And he said, do you know I get up at 6 in the morning? And I said, yes, I do, Carl. He said, oh. you're not Delaney. And I said, no. Oh, mommy. And I said, yes, it's mommy here. And, and he said, yeah. And we had talked a little bit on the car ride up and letting Delaney sleep a little bit that he had, I brought his art set. He could draw his find a word, various things that he could do.

[69:32]

and um so you know that if he could try that and not get hurt light so um he was up with me and um i i tried the well let's lay here and breathe you know can you follow your breath can you can you breathe in that with him when he gets up in the morning no because usually we're You know, come on, get up, it's time to go to school. But this morning we did, on weekends, if we have the time. Yeah, let's lay here and follow our breath. I try. Wow. So, yeah, he laid there for another 30 minutes or so. 30 minutes following his breath? Well, I don't know. But he was laying there. He was laying there. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. With his mom. With his mom. Being anxious. Being anxious. Thinking as I awoke, wow, I feel rested. I went to bed early last night.

[70:36]

But then there was another feeling. um feeling it was a feeling of i guess anxiety and fear and a feeling that has been arising a lot lately um and as we've talked about um taking care and knowing when to rest and saying it's okay to rest and um that's um something to practice compassion with um And so, anyway, I was about to leave the room. And I said, okay, mom's going to go now. already been drawing and but he would get up and he'd go over and just stare at Delaney who was sleeping with her iPad I noticed the iPad in the bed and and I just yeah when I came oh oh and that the other thing he said mom we couldn't find my reading book so I played angry bird read to me on the iPad

[71:42]

And he was very excited about that. I mean, that's something very new to him. He hears it at school, but he doesn't really know. So... going over and looking to see if she was awake. And I said, if you can just do your best not to wake her up until the light comes, you know, until the sun comes up. So then he says, look, mom, and he's making different numbers with his hands. Does this look like a seven? this anxiety, like I'm going now, I need to go now. And he's talking to me, he's making different numbers, which I loved, and I wanted to be present, but that anxiety I was feeling about needing to be present. whatever it it was just anxiety and so the practice of compassion from last night's talk and everyone sharing and the support of the group and so i just i the word compassion and gentle came into my head and so i stood there and was and present for your anxiety and present for my anxiety

[73:04]

Yeah, being present for him kind of requires being present for your anxiety. Yes. Of course you want to be present for him, right? Yes. But there's this anxiety that's kind of... And you think, well, I'm supposed to be present for him, but actually you need to be present for the anxiety first. First, yeah. Otherwise your inattention to the anxiety will... Not only will you not take care of the anxiety, but you won't take care of him. That's right. And then when... And also sometimes you have to tell them that you're taking care of the anxiety. Okay. Because otherwise they don't know why you're looking over there at the anxiety. Just like when sometimes you're talking to someone and you have to go to the toilet. You're not really... You can't hear what they're saying because you're feeling this bladder experience. You feel like... you know, you shouldn't tell them that you have the bladder experience. Even though that would make sense to them that you look this way because you're actually looking somewhere else.

[74:11]

You're listening to them, but you're actually listening to your bladder also. When you tell them about your bladder, they know why you're looking like that. They know why you're wiggling. And they might say, why don't you go to the toilet? And you might say, no, I want to hear the rest of what you're saying, but I just want you to know I'm juggling two balls here. But yeah, so you can tell them, you know, mom is feeling anxious, but I'm not saying that to you to tell you to rush or anything. I just want you to be anxious because I want to be here for you and I'm also thinking of this other thing. I often use this example of this wonderful little girl I met, came to visit and hang out with my daughter when she was about, I don't know how old they were, they were about eight. And she had And they were living in, one lived in Oakland and one lived in Boston. And she went back and forth between her two parents. And she said, when I'm with my mom and I'm at the airport, I'm so happy and anxious to see my dad, I don't notice my mom.

[75:16]

But she knew that. Her anxiety about seeing her dad took her away from her mom, who she was with. And then she said, when I'm with my dad and I'm going back to see my mom, I'm so anxious to see my mom, I don't notice my dad. So she was aware. And she could say that. But she couldn't quite say... But she was talking to me and my wife. She couldn't say it when she was with her mom. She couldn't say, I'm so anxious to see dad, I'm not here with you. That was the next step. So you could say, I'm so anxious to go do this thing that I'm having trouble being here with you, but I'm really trying to be here with you and with my anxiety about doing this next thing. He can understand that just about. And when I gave that presence, when I gave that presence, when that compassion came in and I gave that presence, he then completely relaxed. Right. Exactly.

[76:18]

And then I... Exactly. Did you get that? So mommy's going, you know, and he's doing all these hand signals because you're anxious because you're going and you're not telling him your anxiety. But if you be present with your anxiety, then he can calm down with his. Yes. Very good example. Thank you. Thank you, everyone. So I'm asking myself and I'm asking you, do you aspire to be kind to your anxiety? Do you aspire, do you have energy and courage to moment by moment open to

[77:19]

welcome, be careful and kind and are you getting ready and do you feel aspiration to like relax to engage and relax with your anxiety or with not your anxiety but just anxiety because it's not really yours it's all of our anxiety inspired and aspiring to open to and calm down with our anxieties with my anxiety and your anxiety I'd like to now to see if this is the warm up for actually like starting to do the practice of concentration the practice of relaxation which sets up the possibility of being creative yes Can you accept my invitation to come up here?

[78:29]

You can come up and stand here. No, we can just stand here. If you feel uncomfortable sitting on the floor, you can stand here with me. Everybody can stand if they want to. Diane, here's a microphone. Did you say you live with your mother? Yes, I take care of her. Okay, and I'm having trouble applying your ideas to dealing with her. I have a lot of anxiety and Every day. Okay. It's getting very difficult. Well, excuse me. So then she picks up... Can I say something? The fact that you're aware of your anxiety is one of the main ideas I would like you to apply.

[79:39]

Anxiety. And then you said just now, and she picks up on your anxiety? Absolutely. Good. I don't know how to deal with her anxiety and my frustration. she also has anxiety she takes a medication for that in her state anxiety is very common in everybody's state anxiety is very common in human beings and for you to let for you to let her for you to be aware of your anxiety and let her know helps her beware of her anxiety and let you know that she knows she's anxious. I don't know how much she understands. You know what I mean? Well, I don't know how much she understands. I'm not sure. But I thought you did. That you were aware or concerned that she would sense your anxiety.

[80:46]

Oh, she does. Okay. That's her sensing your anxiety and also you letting her know that you're aware of what she's sensing. That will help her. I'm not saying she will become aware, but that will help her become aware of her anxiety. Sounds like both of you are anxious. Oh, yeah. But you know you're anxious. Yes. And you also sense that maybe she knows you're anxious. Sometimes she does. Yeah. It's good if she knows. It's good if... I'd say... I have this idea that it's good if I know that I'm anxious. And it's good if I know that you're anxious. And I encourage you to continue to be aware of your anxiety because if you're not aware of your anxiety, it's difficult to take care of it. It's very difficult. I don't know how to deal with it because the situation will recur maybe five minutes later. Well, how about one second later? It could be.

[81:46]

Anxiety is ongoing. Mm-hmm. You may not notice it more than every once every five minutes, but it's actually ongoing So I'm here to say Compassionate care the first step of compassionate care of anxiety is to welcome it You know like say welcome anxiety welcome Welcome not I like anxiety. I Not I dislike anxiety. I may dislike it. Most people don't like it, but some people dislike it. But the disliking is something that comes when you're not actively engaged in being kind to it. So all of us have the job, living with ourselves and living with others, all of us have the ongoing job of welcoming, of being generous, of being gracious with anxiety. We have that job because it's being offered to us moment after moment.

[82:51]

Then after we feel that we're actually able to say welcome sincerely, because anxiety may, you may say, I didn't mean that. That wasn't, that wasn't, that was not authentic. I didn't really, I really feel like go away anxiety. But when you actually can welcome it and actually say thank you for coming difficult guest. and get used to a steady practice of welcoming this difficult guest, then you start to move into practicing ethics with it, which means be careful of it and be careful of what you do in relationship to it. Watch the things you're doing and seeing if the things you're getting from it. Also, another aspect of ethics is being honest. Like somebody say to me, are you afraid? I say, yes. Let me check. Yes.

[83:55]

Not pretend to not be afraid. A lot of people are pretending. And they even deceive themselves into saying that I'm pretending to not be afraid because it will be hard on other people. So I'm lying about being afraid plus I'm lying about the reason I'm being afraid. I'm lying. So... That's the next step. The next step is to be patient with the anxiety. This is the beginning. This is like what we call first aid. This is first aid. First aid is being generous, careful, and patient with the anxiety. Ethical means be honest. And don't try to hide from your mother that you're anxious. That will not help her. that will deceive her, that will give her a deceptive version of reality, that her daughter is hiding from her the way her daughter is.

[84:57]

It's very good if she knows what she's got, who her daughter is. And her daughter is somebody who is anxious in general and also specifically for her welfare. and you're anxious for her welfare and also anxious about her anxiety. If you can be kind to yours, to your anxiety, you can be kind to hers. Then you can say welcome to her anxiety and be careful of her anxiety and not be in a rush for her to get over her anxiety and be patient with her anxiety. This is bringing benefit to anxious beings. And then my question at this point is, after introducing these practices, are we enthusiastic about practicing them? Do you have energy and courage to do these practices? Because it's difficult to welcome fear. But do you have the courage?

[86:02]

I'm trying to feel courage to welcome fear because I think welcoming fear is really beneficial. when there's fear. And I think denying fear is really harmful when there's fear. Fear is not so bad if you really are compassionate towards it. There's this wonderful benefit growing up right next to it. So the good news is you are aware that you are anxious and you are aware that your loved one is anxious. Now the next good news could be but are you kind to this compassion are you compassionate and kind and gentle and generous really generous towards this anxiety that's the first step can you start working on that do you want to start working on that yes okay great you're welcome thank you for your offering yes please come

[87:09]

Susan. He wants to know if he could change my battery on my electronic device. He's actually an energizer bunny. He's going to energize me now. Go ahead. Change my batteries. You can talk even though I have no batteries. I give up my addiction now and speak without any batteries. Without any electronic assistance. Yes. Hi. So I'm so anxious now I forgot what I was going to say. But you remembered that you're anxious.

[88:11]

I did remember that I'm anxious. Forget everything else. Just remember you're anxious. Not remember you're anxious. Be aware that you're anxious. Remember your old anxieties. Just this one. Okay. So as I'm anxious, I wanted to talk about this trail of events that leads to a person that I care about very much. And there was a period of time when my son was very, very ill. And I was at the hospital, you know, for two weeks, probably about seven or eight, nine hours a day. Going and eating, but basically not taking many breaks. And I have an autoimmune issue. So after about the seventh day, I found myself getting sick. And I didn't want to have to. So I just thought, because he was in a lot of denial where he was at. So that was frightening me. So I said to him. His denial was frightening you.

[89:11]

It was. Completely. Denial is scary. It was pretty frightening. So I said to him. you know, I'm not able to stay here eight hours straight. I'm going to have to go home and rest and come back and maybe sometimes not come back. And so with that, I started crying because I felt as though I was letting him down. I had to come to grips with my own truths. So with that, I said to him, and I did start crying, and I said, are my tears bothering you? Are they upsetting you? So I said, well, I'm okay with it, and I'll know what to do with myself, so you don't have to take care of me. So... When I left that evening, I was staying for the first night with my aunt, who I'm very close with.

[90:17]

And just that little bit of opening, I knew he was dying. This was back in June. I knew he was dying, and I really got the full impact of that. So when I met my aunt, I became very quiet. You know, a lot's going on. I need to be quiet. And she started getting completely anxious, wanting me to leave her place, saying off-the-wall things like, I'm not going to eat a meal with you. I mean, it was going on and on. And I'm just sitting there. She's not going to eat a meal with you because you're anxious? Because I'm acting. She couldn't stand to see your anxiety. Right, exactly. Because it was making her so anxious. So I thought... Yeah. Yeah, so she was stormed out of the room, and I'm thinking, okay, I still... Perfectly understandable. Yeah. Some people are not facing their anxiety, and when an anxious person comes in the room, they want... Yeah.

[91:21]

So none of this was upsetting to me yet. It was more like, how do I work with this? And not upset her anymore. Do I say, look, I can just stay at a hotel? And I thought, no, because that's going to make it into something that's not. I mean, so I'm going to let it be right now. I'm just going to let it hang out. And then after a while... You're going to let the anxiety hang out? Yeah, let the anxiety hang out. Let her hang out. Let her run away. Yeah, let her do what she needs to do. And after a while, she came back in. She said, can I give you something to eat? So then I got crazy with that, too. I had bought some salmon, and she said, I broil it in this stove that she's had over 40, 50 years. And so I said, well... She said she baked it.

[92:21]

And I said, well, I broil it, but I have a gas oven. I really don't know how to use your oven. Next thing I know, she's broiling it, and she doesn't know what to do. And I said, I didn't know. It got kind of crazy then. Another explosion happened. So this kept coming up in the skies for whatever. But even now, there's still tension between the two of us. because she was telling me I was wrong for feeling this strongly, and yet I wasn't expressing anything to her. I was upset and anxious and whatever. So that relationship feels very, very tense, and there's, I don't know what to do with that. The relationship feels very, very tense? Yeah. Okay, well, that's what we're here for. Right. We're here to deal with tension. So it's like with my mom, who was closer to where I was. I was just walking in and out of her place.

[93:23]

But when it came to be that last week when actually he did pass away, he did die, I thought, this is not good. Because she's highly anxious. She didn't know I was in town. When you say, this is not good, what are you referring to by this? Well, what I did is I called my brother and I said, if I go... going to cry a lot. She's 90 years old. She's not going to be able to take care of this. She couldn't younger, but at this point she's sick. So we came up with an idea. He said, I'm going to be there next week. I'll tell her you're going to be back in Miami in three or four days after I leave. And then you can go see her. You may So they ended up calling me. She really wanted to talk to me a lot. I came back. I saw her. We spent time. Not that I didn't get upset, but I wasn't raw. I mean, real raw. So we handled it. Not that there's not concern, but we handled it a little more... When you say handled it... Getting her more upset.

[94:25]

My brother was there for like... I'm not clear what you say about it. What's it? Her not knowing what to do with my anxiety and getting frustrated and... Your mother not knowing what to do with your anxiety. Right. Okay. So... Before you go see your mother, you have to be taking care of your anxiety. I was. You were? I did. I waited a week. If you're taking care of your anxiety, then go see your mother. I did, and that's what I did. I went home, and I flew back to California, and then I flew back as a funeral. Excuse me. If you're taking care of your anxiety, and you go see your mother, and she gets anxious because she doesn't know how to take care of your anxiety... Yeah, she calmed down, actually. I thought that's what would happen, but I said, you know, I'm upset. She calmed down because you're taking care of your anxiety. Right. Then she didn't have to take care of it. It's not her job to take care of your anxiety. Right. It's her job to take care of hers.

[95:27]

If you're taking care of hers, yours, she can take care of hers. Yeah, which is what happened. So that worked better. With my aunt, it's not working. It's the same thing. If you take care of your anxiety... around your anxiety with your aunt, if you take care of that, then you can go visit your aunt. And you can show her, she's anxious anyway. I am too, anyway. And you are anyway, right. But if you're taking care of yours, then she can take care of yours. But if you're not taking care of yours, she might think she has to take care of yours, but she doesn't want to take care of yours. That's not appropriate. She kind of knows that, but doesn't know it. So it's hard to welcome somebody else's anxiety if we don't welcome our own. If you're taking care of yourself, then you'll be able to move on from taking care. Taking care means, first of all, if you're being generous and careful and patient with yours, then you're ready to move on to deal with this tension that you talked about.

[96:34]

And so when you feel like you can relax with this tension, Then it's time to go visit your aunt. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. Yeah. Thanks for the good example. Pardon? Yeah, it all happened. Yeah. And congratulations about your grandchild. Thank you. My granddaughter, yeah. Yeah. My wife kept saying about this. My wife's down in L.A. with the granddaughter, and she kept saying, unbelievable, this baby is unbelievable. And I said, is it really unbelievable? And she said, no, it's not unbelievable. It's awesome. It's miraculous. When we see miracles, we sometimes say unbelievable, like we can't believe a miracle. It's not unbelievable.

[97:38]

It's exactly what we always wanted. When we see it, we say it's unbelievable. So my question for you is to consider whether you are feeling encouraged and energized to move into the next phase of this caring for anxiety and grief. and fear which is now to feel the energy to like start figuring out how to relax with it and be concentrated and calm in its presence after these initial beneficial actions how not to move into concentration because i thought maybe after uh if you're not too sleepy we will move into the next phase. But I ask you to look inward and see if you feel kind of energized to practice concentration. Do you? And if you don't, please work on that.

[98:41]

Do you understand, Diane, what I said? You're making a face that I was asking if you feel like courage now to try to relax with this anxiety. You're still what? Okay. You're still absorbing it, okay. Well, feel free to ask more questions, okay? Later. So now I support you to go have breakfast. I think if you go now, you'll be able to arrive before it's gone. Thank you very much. And by the way, this is Michael. He just arrived. Michael.

[99:23]

@Transcribed_v005
@Text_v005
@Score_88.37