I'd like to kind of paint a picture with words. So the picture is of descending or entering a space that doesn't have a bottom or top or sides a vast openness. And then again, when we enter this space, this space is the place of creativity.

[01:02]

and it's the place of transformation. As we approach this space, this vastness, this bottomlessness, usually we feel some anxiety. And if we are aware of the anxiety and practice compassion towards it, it allows us to enter the space And then once we enter the space, it's not exactly that we're anxious, but the vitality which created the anxiety, which kind of prevented us from entering the space of creativity, now that vitality which was kind of like obstructing our entrance, now the vitality expresses itself as creative activity.

[02:33]

every form, every feeling, every experience we have, it is accompanied by a profound vastness. All phenomena are actually profoundly insubstantial, deeply insubstantial, deeply ungraspable. And in that vast, ungraspable space, there is creativity and liberation. Being creative in this space is wisdom, and it liberates us But in order to enter this space, we have to be kind to the various obstructions to entering.

[03:52]

And these obstructions are anxiety and other what are called actually devotions. The root of the word addiction is similar to devotion. They're devotions which we use to protect ourselves from the place of creativity. Because we think, we feel that if we enter that space, we wouldn't know what would happen to us. And that's right. We do not know what will happen to us in this space of creativity. Almost anything could happen to us in that space, and that's why there's freedom there. But we are long accustomed to putting objects in the way of this entrance.

[04:58]

The creative mind plays with the objects it loves. You could turn it around and say it loves, it plays with the object it loves. You could also say it loves the objects it plays with. But the creative mind first loves the objects, then plays with them. If you start playing with objects before you love them, you may never get to loving them. First we love them, and when we love the objects, we open to things those objects may be covering. And a lot of the objects we're loving are actually objects which are covering anxiety. So first we love whatever, and as we love it we realize there's anxiety, fear, and grieving underneath.

[06:05]

First we love our greed and our hatred and our confusion. Then we realize that they're covering fear, anxiety and grief and sadness. Then we love those and they part the way and we enter into the realm where we can play. And we can start playing even before we enter the space. But as we play more and more with the objects we love, we enter a more and more unhindered creative opportunity. It's almost like we cope with insubstantiality by being creative. Being creative is a liberating mode of coping with reality. but usually the way we cope with reality is to be afraid of it and then we cope with it by putting various kinds of solid images on top of it and that's normal and we should be compassionate to these addictions, to these devotions which are separating us from the realm

[07:30]

of the void, which is the realm of creativity, which is the realm of transformation. It's almost like, again, when we first meet addictions, we practice compassion towards them, and they let us enter the void, and then in a way we meet them again in the void, and we transform them into wisdom. the same things which we used to obstruct ourselves from the realm of creativity, now they reappear in the realm of creativity and we see them as creativity. They're no longer obstructions. So that's the image which I feel able to tell you about this morning. And I wasn't exactly afraid to tell you about that at the beginning. I just thought Razi might be afraid. Do you remember Razi?

[08:32]

Yeah. I wasn't afraid to tell you about this vast insubstantiality where creativity is living and where liberation is realized. I wasn't afraid to tell you, but Razi was. So I waited until now because Razi's not afraid anymore. So I think you're ready to hear this awesome picture and see this awesomeness the awesome void which is the place most meaningful it's actually the most meaningful place of transformation Is that picture clear? So again we have to love we have to love things before we can liberate them.

[09:37]

And when we love them we settle down into them and we pass through them into the voidness and insubstantiality of them and then they are liberated. And then Because they're liberated, more opportunities come. And we do the same with the next ones and the next ones. So it's an ongoing process of compassion and wisdom. And in the wisdom, more opportunities for compassion arise. We practice compassion again, we enter into wisdom. Wisdom which plays and creates. and liberates and then starts over with another opportunity. It looks like that was clear.

[10:52]

No, not easy. It's not easy to love whatever's in front of us. It's not easy to say thank you very much to whatever's in front of us. It's not easy. But when it happens, it's... It's basically already, as soon as you say, as soon as you practice generosity towards what's happening, it's already... transformation and freedom right there somehow we're able to say thank you to pain thank you to fear thank you to what else is there thank you to joy and then let go of pain and let go of fear and let go of joy and then and then enter and play let go and calm down let go and be absorbed and totally present and calm and relaxed with pain but it's not easy I just thought of a time not too long ago when I had kind of a hard time relaxing with pain

[12:23]

It was quite a while ago, actually. I think it was my grandson's second birthday. It was the day before my grandson's second birthday, like January 4th. And he's almost 12 now, so it was about 10 years ago, or nine years ago. I had a hernia operation. And after the operation, they said... Is that right? No, it's a different operation. After the operation, they brought me into the recovery room. And when I woke up, they said, we're not going to give you any pain medication. You're still feeling the effects of the anesthetic for the operation. But the anesthetic is wearing off now. And pretty soon it'll wear off. And when it wears off to a certain point, you'll start to feel pain. We want you to feel it so that we can give you some other pain medication to see if it'll work.

[13:33]

Does that make sense? Because they thought I might need some more pain medication when the anesthetic from the operation wore off. So I was sitting there waiting for the pain to come. And then the person who told me that had left the room. So I was watching for it to come and I saw it coming. I said, oh, here it comes. And it was an unfamiliar pain. It was a pain in my lower abdomen. And then it came some more. And actually I thought, I'm having trouble relaxing with this. I'm starting to feel not very relaxed. And I actually felt like, actually, I'm still kind of relaxed, but I started feeling like this is the beginning of something big.

[14:40]

And I kind of feel like I soon will not be able to relax. Although I still was kind of like, okay. But it was kind of like, I had this sense of the shape of this thing was like a tip of an iceberg. Somehow I could tell by the shape it was going like this, and it was coming, you know? And then I thought, well, what if the people don't come back? Because, you know, they might have gone to lunch, and this thing's coming on rather rapidly now. And I thought, it hasn't even hit yet, you know, the thing hasn't even come, really. And I'm having trouble with the beginnings of it. I was kind of, what do you call it, humbled. My ability, my love was really challenged. I was having trouble like really opening to this and welcoming it. I was having trouble remembering to say thank you. But I could remember the practice even though I thought, whoa.

[15:46]

Whoa. Again, I was wondering, what would I do if this thing actually fully arrived? I don't think it ever did, because the person came back in the room and gave me some pain medication. Now, the pain medication also didn't work instantly, so it came a little bit more. So I did get to know it a little bit more, and then it came a little bit more. And I kept feeling like, yeah, I think this is just going to keep coming. And this was a big one. Which makes me think that these people who commit harakiri, wow. Of course, they do have sharp knives, which makes it easier. But still, there's a lot of pain sensors down here. And then the pain medication started working, so I never really tensed up, but I had a sense like, boy, my patience and generosity are not infinite.

[16:55]

But still, even though they're not infinite yet, I still wish to exercise them and develop them. I still think that's really, really a wonderful practice to learn how, when pain's coming, to remember to relax. And then a few years before that, in 19... Actually, it was shortly after the 9-11 event in New York City. So that's now a little bit more than 10 years ago, right? I was riding a bicycle in Houston... and a truck was kind of crowding me off the road, so I tried to get off the road to get away from the truck, and somehow the bicycle wheel turned, and I was thrown real hard onto the cement, and I hit my right hip. I felt like a baseball bat hit my right hip. Really solid hit of my greater trochanter onto the cement. And as soon as I hit, I did not remember to say, ''Relax.'' The first thing I said was, excrement.

[17:59]

Excrement. There's other words for it, but I don't want to say those other words. But then just a moment later, I said, relax. Relax. And then I thought, this would be a good thing to share with people that I didn't say relax right away. That probably would encourage them that I don't always, when I first get slugged sometimes, I sometimes don't say relax first or thank you first. Thank you. Thank you. I sometimes say something else and then I say thank you. But sometimes I say thank you right away, which is really fun when somebody whacks me and I go, thank you. Oh, yeah? Here's another one. Thank you. I have just one more story to tell me if you bear with me.

[19:15]

It's from a book called The Kite Runner. How many people read that book? Wow, that guy's a bestseller. Anyway, my daughter read the book and she said, you know, I think you'd like this book. And so I read it and I did. I thought it was like almost too perfectly excruciating. You know, it's like... Anyway, I think those of you who read it know that there's one scene where this boy... is seeing his best friend. And this is a friend who would probably give his life for this boy. This best friend who was totally devoted to him and would just do anything for him. And this boy's friend was now going to be really abused in a terrible way. And he saw this happening and he didn't go to help him.

[20:18]

And when that happened, I just felt like that's the worst thing I ever heard in my life. I thought that is like, this is the authors and the narrator. I thought, boy, that is like, somehow that just struck me as like about the worst thing I ever heard of in my life. Somehow the way he did it was really powerful. And then several years later, by coincidence of the structure of the story, the leader of the boys who was abusing this other boy was in a position of power over the author. And he was in a position where he was in the process of almost beating the author to death. And suddenly, the author started laughing. And the guy stopped beating him because he was laughing. And the reason why he was laughing was because he was so grateful that he was getting beaten because he had been wanting for years and years for somebody to beat him up for this terrible thing he did.

[21:23]

And so first of all, he was getting beat up. He was kind of like, oh, I'm getting beat up. This is not so good. This is painful. This might take my life. And then suddenly he realized, this is what I've been wanting. How... How funny. And then he wasn't resisting. I need this in order to open to my life, you know. My life has been pretty much shot all these years because I did this terrible thing. Now I can be released. My story is complete. I thought that was so cool. That just came to my mind. that all the bad things that happen to us, if we can say thank you, become doors to liberation. But if we say, bad thing, painful thing, I'm being beaten to death, this is not good. No thank you. I got enough problems.

[22:24]

You don't need to beat me up. I got enough problems. I got enough problems. Don't beat me up. No, you don't have enough problems. We have to beat you up because you haven't said thank you for your previous problems. You got 16 problems. You said you didn't say thank you to any of them. Now you have to give you 17. Now will you say thank you? No. 18? No. 19? Okay, yes, thank you. Thank you for this and thank you for all the other ones. Okay, now you're free. How bad does it get before I have to say thank you? And then I have to say thank you. I have to say thank you again and again and again. I have to be compassionate to these difficulties. And grief is a big thing to say thank you to. It's a really good medicine. Here's the medicine. Would you like the medicine? No, thanks. I'm busy. Would you like to take a little bit more medicine?

[23:24]

No, thank you. I'm busy. Would you like to take a little more medicine? No, thank you. I'm busy. Okay, maybe it's time to grieve. And now there's quite a bit, but I'm grateful for it. I've got something to say thank you to, something to be kind to. And so I'm ready to open to this. And if I open to this deeply, I will go down into the vast abyss where there can be creativity, wisdom, and freedom. Shall we go into the abyss now? Please come back at about 10 o'clock after your trip to the abyss.

[24:12]

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