Quite a few people brought up suffering this morning to me. What's the point of it? Actually, why do we suffer? What's the point of practice after all? Some display of enslavement or futility in the face of so much suffering in the world and so much cruelty among human beings, feeling like our so little and so ineffective in the face of the hugeness of the suffering and the perpetration of the suffering. by humans and other beings.

[01:02]

So I've been talking about the practice and training of suchness. But again, what practice? The point is to liberate all beings. People say, why do we suffer? But another way to say it is, how does suffering come to be? How does it come to be that we suffer? And how does it come to be that we There's many stories about how it comes to be that we suffer.

[02:08]

One short story is we come to suffer in dependence on delusion. Depending on ignorance and karma, we suffer. Depending on believing in our independent existence, we suffer. and it is part of normal human body existence, bodily existence, to have a feeling of individual separate existence and to believe in it and to act from that. Acting from this misunderstanding

[03:10]

we run into all kinds of disharmonious situations with other beings. Another story I'll come to myself with is even all by ourself, even before we meet another person, there's a conflict because we have this self-division and we have a strong drive to preserve our individual existence. with another drive in us to transcend this self. So within our own heart there's a conflict, a painful conflict between preserving this separate self and transcending it. And in some ways it's necessary and, you could even say, helpful, that self-preservation, that the activity of self-preservation and the belief that there is an individual to preserve, that that is painful.

[04:24]

Because if it weren't, our need for self-transcendence would be unempowered. The motivation to do the work of self-transcendence It wouldn't be that working to serve ourself is so painful that we're willing to do the work which is required to transcend ourself. And the work that's required to transcend ourself is in the way things are. proving that they're very pathetic sometimes. So, how did it come about? Well, speaking for myself, at some point in my life, it was indicated to me, I saw an indication of ways of living

[05:36]

or read them or imagined them. And when I imagined those ways of living, I thought to myself, if I lived that way, I would be free of suffering. So I want to live that way in order to be free of suffering. that's how I came to be interested in practice. And I could see that those ways of being were selfless, were living with the primary orientation towards being kind to others, that that would be happiness.

[06:42]

But still, in the onslaught of insult on a daily basis, an insult in terms of criticism of myself, but also in the insult of gorgeous objects, of attractive phenomena and great opportunities for attainment, in the face of all that, it's hard to remember how good it is to live for the welfare of others. So how could these people that I... How could they stay on the beam? How could they always be oriented in this way, which was really the same as liberation from suffering? I found out they weren't just lucky. They trained. All these people that I showed in wonderful ways that were... to life, to life's insults and temptations in this really beautiful and enlightening way.

[07:49]

They all were the results of training. None of them were born that way. And even if they were born almost that way, they have trained in previous lives. And their training was the training in suchness. The development of the awareness of suchness is in the background of all these... exemplified the way of freedom. All these beings trained at being in harmony with suchness. They train tuning into ta-ta-ta. They trained over and over, tuning in to top, top, top.

[08:49]

And they found harmony with it, and once they found that harmony, when things happened, they responded in this selfish, creative, beneficial way, spontaneously, out of that harmony. But the training of the deluded person into the harmony is quite an effort. That's what I'm talking about. How to train ourselves into harmony with what's happening. How to train ourselves into the self-fulfilling awareness. How to train ourselves into enlightenment by virtue of enlightening others. how to find the self-liberation which is born of self-awakening.

[10:09]

Self-awakening by awakening of self. How does the self tune into that? That's what I've been talking about For a while now. But... Talk won't register on a tape machine. So you're the only... You're the only remnants of this effort. Okay, so... Shakyamuni Buddha taught the teaching of such, the practice of suchness, the training in suchness. Prajnatara taught it. Bodhidharma taught it. He taught it. Huayka, Bodhisattva Dharma's main disciple, Huayka, he taught it and practiced it and realized it. His disciple, the leper, he called

[11:19]

They say he wrote, you know, that wonderful text called, what's it called, Unbelieving Mind? What's it called? Shinjinning? Shinjinning? Well, he probably didn't write it, but anyway, it's still a good text. Anyway, he survived and had a disciple, and his disciple called the fourth ancestor, because the leper was the third ancestor. The fourth ancestor... wasn't a leper, and people, you know, liked him better. So he unlocked the disciples. And his teaching, he taught it too. He taught the practice, the training and sessions too. And the way he put it was, the way he said it was, One practice samadhi.

[12:29]

His training session was the one practice samadhi. That's the way he did it. Now this had been known in India. Buddha taught it in the Mahayana suttas. But he emphasized it very strongly. One practice samadhi. Absorption in the one practice of all Buddhas. That was the zazen of the fourth answer. Absorption in the one practice of all Buddhas. Absorption in the oneness of all life. The awareness of the oneness of all life. That was To be absorbed in the uniform quality of all life.

[13:35]

So all life is one, but also be absorbed in the quality of all life that's the same. All life shares something in common. To be absorbed in that uniform quality of all life, the oneness of all life. All life is doing one practice. All life is doing the same practice. All life is doing one practice. That is the practice of Buddha. What is the practice of Buddha? It is the practice that all life is doing. If it's not the practice that all life is doing, it's not the practice of Buddha. The fourth ancestor's teaching was to train the monks into this practice which all life is doing.

[14:39]

This is the practice which enlightens the self by enlightening others. And this is also the same as what you read at moon service, self-fulfilling awareness. The enlightening of the self, which enlightens others, is a practice that all beings are doing. And there's two kinds of enlightening self while enlightening others. One kind is inconceivable. The other kind is conceivable. The inconceivable kind is the kind where, right now sitting in this monastery, when you throw your body and mind into the way that all beings are living and practicing right now, at that time the entire sky

[15:52]

and the whole earth are enlightened. Everybody wakes up and is liberated when you throw yourself into the practice that everybody is doing together. But this is inconceivable. It doesn't register in your perception. Buddha's reality, this inconceivable total liberation of all beings. That's the reason why everybody suffers unless everybody is enlightened. Transcendence means everybody transcends that. That kind goes on, when you do your practice here, your little practice, here in this little monastery, in this little valley, when you do your practice of throwing yourself into the practice of all beings, all beings, but you don't know this.

[17:02]

That's the kind of thing it is. It's inconceivable. Even Buddhas don't know this, but they can say that it's that way. Buddhas are mouthpieces for this inconceivable liberation, but they can't conceive of it either. but they can have confidence that when you practice this way, when this practice is happening, not when you practice this way, but when this self-fulfilling samadhi is happening, this liberates all beings. Now there is a conceivable version of this. The conceivable version is that when you take care of your life in such a way that you're liberated personally by helping others personally, that you can experience. You can conceive of that. You can take care of your body in the face of another body and mind, and that other body and mind can learn how to do that practice and be liberated.

[18:08]

You can conceive of that. And of course, that's called wonderful. But that way you can only do one face at a time, basically. Or one to a hundred faces. You can't liberate everybody on the planet that way because you can't conceive of that. So, if you want to know how it happens, you're going to have to know it on a smaller scale. And you're going to have to go from person to person to person to person, which is not a big problem. Shakyamuni Buddha did it that way. He taught one person after another in India. But he also taught everybody all at once, every moment. So, if you want to be able to conceive of your practice, then your practice is going to be limited, and it's going to be like helping one person at a time.

[19:09]

And so you won't be able to understand how you help people in Northern California when you're in Central California. You can't understand that. So help the people around here and then go up north and help them when you have a chance. But when you're up there, what about us down here? And so on. So there's two types of liberation. Two types of entering into two ways, a conceivable way to enter into the one practice of samadhi and an inconceivable way. Actually, I said a conceivable way of entering and an inconceivable way of entering, but I thought it was a conceivable way of understanding how it liberates and an inconceivable way of understanding how it liberates. Now there's also a conceivable or inconceivable way of entering this samadhi of the Zen samadhi of the fourth ancestry.

[20:25]

So how can we, how can an ordinary person with a little self, an unfulfilled self, enter into this one practice samadhi? How can we be initiated into the awareness of all Buddhas? How do you get initiated? Well, number one, you get initiated by not moving. by just sitting and being a living being. Because we have this ability, it's hard for us to just be a living being.

[21:46]

Because we have the ability to think about moving from where we are right when we're there, it's hard for us to succeed. But it's very simple. The first step in initiation into the practice of all beings is just to be one self. Just don't move. That's really it. But not moving is not just your idea of not moving. Not moving that I'm talking about is the actual not moving. Just being yourself is not just your idea of being yourself. It's actually being yourself. Actually being yourself requires something of you. It requires that in your not moving, you don't move, but you also find a way of not moving that is a full expression of yourself.

[22:58]

Sort of like a mopey, half-hearted not moving. It is a wholehearted not moving. It is a not moving which is as energetic and as expressive as the greatest shout you have ever uttered in your life. It is a not moving which is a big, [...] full settling pile. And it isn't overdoing yourself or underdoing yourself. It's exactly what you are moment by moment. In order to be a living being, you have to fully express yourself. And fully expressing oneself requires and depends on others.

[24:17]

You cannot fully express yourself by yourself. You can do the best you can by yourself. And when you've done as well as you can, then go do it with somebody else. Those are the two basic dimensions of being yourself. One is just sit by yourself. The other is go meet the teacher. And do it together. You can't do it fully by yourself. But with somebody else, you don't do your own job. And you find full self-expression in dependence on the other, and you depend on the other's support and the other's resistance.

[25:19]

In other words, the support comes in two forms. One, in the way that you feel like they're saying, yeah, right, this is it, this is full expression, and it comes in the form of, no, this is not full expression. This is no good, or whatever. This is half-hearted. This is, really? Are you telling me that this is you? And so on. You can't fully express yourself without people resisting you. You don't know what full expression is until somebody resists you. And if you are fully expressing yourself, you will get some resistance to confirm your full self-expression. You don't know how much you care about certain things until somebody opposes you. That's how you find out that somebody No.

[26:23]

And you can say, oh, now I really understand. Yes. That's me. Like that, you know, that sickness. And, you know, the traditional expression in Buddhism, when a monk is sick, when you go visit the monk, you say, how is your venerable health? Oh, monk. You know, venerable means love. You know that? We apply it sometimes to old people, but it really comes from Venus. How is your lovable health? And so the monk comes to visit the other monk. How is your lovable health? And the sick monk says, And the visiting monk says, Ah, you're sick. And the sick monk said, I'm sick.

[27:26]

And he was relieved. He thought he was sick. But he needed the other monk to realize how sick he was. Once he realized how sick he was, he was well. You can't realize how sick you are all by yourself. But you can do a lot. And that you should do. So, full self-expression requires the other. It requires devotion to the bodhisattva precepts. You can't express yourself fully unless you practice not killing, not stealing, lying, and so on. You must have those precepts, those others also help you and resist you and support you.

[28:30]

In order to fully self-express you, you have to be mindful, attentive, and you have to be gentle and tender. In order to fully self-express, in order to express yourself fully, you have to be humble. And you have to have confidence. And particularly you have to have confidence in the logic of self-expression and the logic of studying yourself. You have to have confidence that studying yourself fully be your gate to the one practice of all Buddhas. And you have to understand that studying yourself requires being yourself and fully expressing yourself.

[29:36]

With that confidence, you can dare the courageous thing of being yourself. which people will help you do by resisting you, by making these funny faces that they make when you really hate them. Those faces of repulsion and disgust and adoration. and then repulsion and disgust. Imagination. Always helping you find out who you really are. By full self-expression, you really become yourself. You really become yourself. You enter into the world of yourself as it receives its function.

[30:44]

and the self-deceiving function is what all life is doing, and you have just entered the practice of all life. And from that harmony with all life, you act. And act as Buddha's activity. Inconceivably, liberates all beings, past, present, and future in ten directions right now. Conceivably, it shows a way to the suffering person that you can see and touch. Your hand reaches out to encourage someone to pay attention to himself. So this is the fourth ancestor's training and session.

[31:50]

the one practice samadhi, the samadhi of unifying body and mind, self and other, We'll see this samadhi again and again from now on. Devotion to this samadhi of the Buddhas means devotion to not moving. from where you are, from what you are.

[32:54]

I mean, honestly confess what you are. I mean, be gentle with yourself so that you can precisely, exactly be in harmony with how it's coming to be. If you doubt, if you doubt, if you don't have confidence that you're allowed to know, you should read the scriptures. You should discuss your doubt until you feel confident that you can sit still. That you're sitting still is not selfish, but is a requirement in order to save all beings.

[33:57]

The Buddha doubted. Actually, Mara teased the Buddha and said, You selfish monk, who do you think you are sitting here up in these mountains, lounging about in these lovely samadhis, attaining the way, you arrogant thing? And the Buddha said, Gee, maybe I am being selfish. I thought I was sitting here for the welfare of all, but maybe I should move from my spot. But the whole earth said, no Buddha, you can sit there. You don't have to move. Stay there until you attain the way, just like you said you would. And you did attain the way. So, if you can... unmovingly, ceremonially in this hall, but throughout the day and night, wherever you are, not moved from what you are, be who you are, you will enter, what do we call it, and recondite awareness of all the Buddhas.

[35:24]

You will be in the inner heart of great compassion. But again, if you doubt that, discuss it. Read the scriptures. See how all the ancestors struggled with this until they found their place. Bring up your doubts. Debate. If you keep discussing, your doubts will become a source for stronger faith in the practice of total devotion to a mobile presence. Total self-expression. No matter what you do, total self-expression. This is the essential art of Zazen, this total separate version.

[36:38]

This is the initiatory art of Zazen. It's not moving. It's not all of Zazen. Zazen is totally beyond any reduction. This is just the door. You know, in the first case, it says, clearly observed, the teaching of the sovereign of teaching is thus. Teaching of the Buddha is thus.

[37:54]

Teaching of the Buddha is the teaching of thus. Okay? And then, it says, it has a verse at the end there, and it says, the unique breeze of reality. And I kind of today, I feel like the breeze, you know, the breath, but also it's like the unique breath. this one thread, this one breath that goes through all Buddhas, this one thread, this one breath that goes through all living beings. A unique belief, a unique thread of reality. Can you see it? Can you hear it? And it says, creation, but actually literally it says, the mother principle the mother principle, working her loom and shuttle, incorporating patterns of spring into the ancient brocade.

[39:04]

Everything that happens, the mother principle takes that thread of what's happening and incorporates it into the ongoing pattern. No matter what happens, can you incorporate this thread, this new piece of data, into the ancient brocade? Every expression, every moment, another thread put through the fabric, into the brocade. The mother principle is doing that. She stays home and takes care of the babies. While she's caring for life, she takes every new piece of fabric and puts it into the fabric. And the brocade goes on. In the middle of suffering, she makes a beautiful brocade.

[40:11]

Grandma? It had to be you. I wandered around and suddenly I found somebody who... See?

[41:31]

That's how you do it. Did you see how I harmonized with you? How did I do it? I did that too. Wow. Okay. But I also expressed myself. I could have expressed myself by being quiet. I could have harmonized with you by being quiet. It's possible. But that would have been my self-expression. Harmony. Don't forget harmony is not passive. It is expressive. You harmonize with the other by expressing yourself. And the funny thing is that when I expressed myself and harmonized with you, you felt you weren't alone. Yeah, so then I have to express myself to harmonize with your ugly face? I'll get angry, I'll show you. Have you ever got angry at me?

[42:33]

Did you show me? Did you show me? When you talked to me, did you show me? I'll mark it. Pardon? Your what? My original plan was to avoid the noise. The self, the noise avoidance samadhi, that was going to be the practice for you? Well, how am I doing in terms of harmonizing with you now? You're easy.

[43:39]

That was pretty good, though. It was close to reality. I wouldn't even say maintain. I would say not maintain because kind of like, okay, I got equanimity and here comes the person who's screaming at me. I'm going to hold on to my equanimity. Hold that equanimity. Hold it. Save me. She's attacking me. I've got to hold on to my equanimity. No, that's not harmony. Harmony is throw your equanimity. Don't hold on to your equanimity. Don't hold on to anything. Then you won't harmonize. Open. Let go, release your equanimity, and you'll find it again. Right there in the situation. Right there in the fire, you'll find the equanimity. Jushi is screaming at me, and somebody is totally present with her.

[44:42]

Did I let go of my equanimity? We found it again, didn't we? She's helping me find my self-expression. All right, maybe while she's screaming at me, I won't sing certain songs, because then she might scream louder. Maybe I will sing some songs while she's yelling at me. I don't know. Can't say beforehand. If you're going to harmonize, you have to drop your agendas. The dharma of harmony, you find it by letting go of it. When you let go of the dharma, it fills your hands. when you're interacting with beings. You can't receive the new dharma. You've got to be like this. I've got the dharma. I've got the right to dharma. What is dharma? Oh, here she is. Oh my God. Can I face this? If you think ahead of time, you're just scared.

[45:44]

You've got to be right there. If you imagine, will I be able to live up to it? If I think of the next doksan, No good. Can I meet the next person? No good. I have to be there fresh. Can I forget about just be there now and harmonize with this? That's a constant challenge. Sometimes it seems easy. Oh, you're so nice. You're such a wonderful blah, blah, blah. But then, that's nice, you know. Oh, you're such a wonderful, you're such a great blah, blah, blah. But then you kind of like, And then the student goes, I gotcha! You went to sleep, you know, I lulled you to sleep, you worthless. You fell for that compliment, old teacher. How do you stay awake in the dark?

[46:45]

So please don't get mad at me. But if you do, I'll try to be there for the anger. Like the weaver, you know? It comes under, weave it into the bridge. Ooh, this is a right stroke.

[47:11]

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