Did I say last week that Buddha cannot be Buddha by herself? Did I say that Buddha is the cognition or Buddhahood is the cognition of the impossibility of anything being itself by itself? No. Buddhahood is the cognition of the impossibility of anything being including Buddha.

[01:06]

And then this being which is not by itself is the way everything is. It's the way I am. I'm not being by myself. I am, I exist in a pivotal relationship with everything that's not me. Reb pivots with not-reb. Reb is the pivot of reb and not-reb, or not-reb is the pivot of reb and not-reb. That's the way I am.

[02:18]

And that's the way... So in this way everything is in its position and it's pivoting with all other positions and it doesn't abide in its position because it can't be there by itself. But still it has... The cognition that nothing can exist by itself is Buddhahood. Buddhahood is the intuition that of the unavoidable reversibility all-pervading reversibility of our existence. The intuition that I am reversible with not-me.

[03:24]

I am pivoting with not-me. I am pervaded by not-me. And I pervade not-me. I said something about last week, right? That you pervade me and I pervade you. You pervade everybody, everybody pervades you. Remember that part? Were you here, Jeff? So you don't remember. Can you remember what I said a few minutes ago? So I'm saying that you are pervading everybody that's not you. And everybody that's not you is pervading you. That's one thing. The other is that you can reverse with everything that's not you. You can not be stuck in the position of you. You can reverse over to not you. You can do that.

[04:30]

Now, when you do, then you'll be not you. But you can reverse because neither side of the dependence of you and not you abides in that position permanently. The cognition of that is Buddhahood. And that cognition, for example, it's like the cognitions that are not the cognitions of that, like people who do not have that cognition, that's not Buddha. For example, to not have the cognition that you're reversibly related with the whole universe, and it is to not have that cognition, or even to disagree with it, could be how I am. And that's not the way Buddha is.

[05:33]

Except, what I said when you were sitting, is that It's just like you're existing right now, completely. So there's a bridge between... Excuse me for saying so, but Buddhas are fine. They're okay. Don't worry about them. Because they have this cognition that nothing, including themselves, exists by themselves. So they're like... what you might call conveyors of peace, because that's the kind of cognition that they are. Beings who don't have this kind of cognition, or even disagree with it, are like regular living beings. They're deluded.

[06:39]

But I read last week that deludas... deludas... Buddhas do not exist by themselves. They exist with deluded beings. Buddhas are in a pivotal relationship with beings who don't have any cognition. There's no Buddhas without the beings that don't agree with Buddha or that don't believe in what Buddha sees. The unavoidable necessity... Deluded beings are an unavoidable necessity of Buddhas. They're not separate. They're pivoting on each other. Buddhas are pivoting with living beings, pivoting with living beings, living beings are pivoting with Buddhas. Understand that.

[07:41]

And they practice that pivoting. But beings who are deluded are deluded And Buddhas are not deluded. However, what I said when you were sitting was that to experience like you are, so for a living being who's deluded, to completely be a living being who's deluded, that's Buddha. That goes with the cognition that this living being who thinks he does exist If I completely experience that way, that will be the same way the Buddha experiences, which is that I'm not by myself. So those things, those two are tonight. And I also mentioned at the end of class that we can't participate in that reversing

[08:49]

To the extent that I can't be you, that I can't allow myself to be you, there may be a sticking in this pivoting, which is the activity of Buddhas. And that sticking takes the form of obsessional desire and obsessional aversion. And the United States right now is pulsating with this kind of obsession. Pulsating with the obsession of aversion or desire which comes from not being able to imagine changing positions with some being.

[09:54]

And this does not involve shying away from your position, whatever you are. So it's not like you're supposed to be a little bit different from what... If you're a certain way, you don't have to be any different from that. And Buddha would experience you just as you are right now. And if you experience just as you are right now, that would be just like Buddha experiences. And that would lead also to the cognition that the way you are right now is not by itself. Yes? Is there a thought that I'm a deluded being, being a deluded being? There could be. That could be your delusion. You could have that one. Somebody else might ask for it, and you might not give it to them, and then you'd be a deluded being too. But you don't have to think about it again.

[11:01]

You've got plenty of other ones. But that's one you could have, which is... When a deluded being is a deluded being, do they have to think about that they're a deluded being? You don't have to think it, but if you were thinking that way, that would be the opportunity or time to be the person who's thinking that way. But you don't have to think that way. But you do have to totally exert the way you are thinking, whatever it is. So by totally exerting a living being, being a deluded being, by totally exerting that, you enter into how you're pivoting with not that. And that's for Buddha's living with you in a pivotal way, without messing with the delusion at all.

[12:02]

but it's difficult to not mess with it. So then we get various desires and aversions coming up. The medicine for the getting stuck is to totally exert being stuck. of being totally exert, your unwillingness to take somebody, certain people's point of view, or to imagine seeing like they see. Some people you, well, in a way, you could say you can't really see through other people's eyes, but you can imagine seeing through their eyes, and you can be like totally okay with that. You could imagine that their position is like really like just as good as yours. And you could imagine like, okay, let's change places for a while.

[13:09]

But some other people, you think you know their position already, and you don't want... You can't imagine that you would... You know their position, you think, but you can't imagine having their position. You think you know the way they see, but you can't imagine yourself seeing the way they do. And in some cases, the way they see, you don't want to change places with them, but you really like the way they see. like they think you're really cute. And the way they feel about your cuteness you think is great, but you cannot allow yourself to feel that way about yourself. So then you're kind of obsessionally desirous of that person. And then you can do the same thing for the aversion. Delusion based on desire?

[14:23]

Well, I hesitate to say no, but I think it's more like the desire is based on the delusion that we exist by ourself. So if I feel like... I mentioned at Noah Bodes last weekend, we seem like we're in a world and we have a kind of dividing consciousness. So I'm here and you're over there and it seems like we're separate. That's the kind of consciousness I have. And under these circumstances, I might have a desire. Well, under such circumstances, I might feel somewhat uncomfortable feeling separate from you. I might feel alienated from you. I might be afraid of you. But this sort of comes with the human consciousness.

[15:34]

And I was talking about obsession. Another kind of more basic desire which is a desire for this person who's in this consciousness and who sees others, it's a desire for this person to find some condition that will make me free of conditions. That's a basic human desire. But that's not really obsessional. The obsessional comes from when you come to some particular things that are not you, that you're like, don't want to trade places with. Because the other desire could be, you could hear actually, I could say, well, that will paradoxically free you from conditions would be if you could like trade places with anybody. So that, but there is a basic human desire to be like...

[16:39]

To exist free of conditions, that's a basic human desire. It's not possible, but it's not obsessional. Most people are not obsessed with that. It's just an ongoing desire. Going or to have ourself exist. And then there's the obsessional desires which come from resisting the process of realizing the impossibility of existing in and of ourself. So I think these natural and obsessional desires come from the basic misguided and deceptive nature of consciousness. which is supported by the unconscious processes. I would put it that way.

[17:45]

Eric and Linda? When I'm here imagining taking places with someone, it feels a little more active. So you feel like imagining trading places with someone? Like you're trying to imagine somebody else's point of view? That that's active? It feels more active to me, like there's so many images. That sounds like an act, that sounds, what do they call it, like active imagination. That would be active imagination, yeah. But I wasn't so much suggesting that as an exercise, but you could make it into an exercise. And if you did it, you might be able to find out the places where you had trouble doing that.

[18:53]

But you couldn't have trouble doing it without... You can do this but not be aware that you're doing this. So if you see someone and the way they're acting, you cannot imagine acting that way. Or the way they seem to see people, you cannot imagine seeing people. Or the way they see you, you cannot imagine that. You might not notice that you can't imagine it. You just feel like you want to get away from them. Or you want them to get away from you. And you really feel strongly about it. But you could also try to imagine their position. That might be a really good exercise, and that would be active. But the person that you can't switch with them, that's sort of like what's given to you. But you didn't try to get stuck and resist your pivotality, which is your Buddhahood,

[19:57]

Buddha, all of our delusions, so I got delusions, I don't actively try to make them, but they come from my life, but I'm not actually trying to be deluded, but I am. And also there's a pivotal relationship there, realize. And seeing where I can't pivot might help me find the sticking points. And if I can find the sticking points, then that might help me totally exert the sticking point. And if I totally exert the sticking point, I will start pivoting. And then I won't be stuck anymore. The freedom from being stuck will be realized. The Buddhas are not stuck in the position of Buddhahood. and we're not really stuck in the position of deluded being, resist being in our position, and that feels like being stuck.

[21:07]

So then that was responding to the active part. What's the other part? The cognition of reversibility feels more passive, or more receptive. Well, that's fine. And then that would pivot with active. So the cognition of pivotality will be receptive and it will be active. productive. It will pivot. You can come at the cognition from either side of that pivot, too. And then that will pivot. So everything is going to pivot here in this class. Is this table going to pivot? It's already pivoting. Maybe that could be a little kind of like, what do you call it, carnival thing we have here.

[22:13]

I mentioned to, I think I mentioned to venues that when I was a boy I went to an amusement park and they had a disc that was shaped like a cone. And people would go sit on the disc and then they would spin it and then the people would fly off as it got faster and faster. And I went and I didn't fight my way to the middle. But anyway, people let me sit in the middle and I sat there because I thought if I sat there I wouldn't get, I could maybe not get blown off the disc. And sure enough, you could get not blown off ...of this pivoting, and actually we are at the middle. But if we don't totally exert, this is a key factor, if we don't totally exert the middle where we are, then it seems like my middle is kind of in competition with somebody else's middle.

[23:18]

So if I see somebody that I can't like pivot with, it's probably because I'm not really at my middle. Because if I'm really at my middle completely, I don't even know I'm there. The middle is invisible. I'm so much there. So then I have no letting somebody else be a middle. And then I can let them be the center of the universe. Because I'm not like stuck in a visible middle, a visible center. We are at the center. The question is how to inhabit it. And when we inhabit it, we let everybody else inhabit theirs. But if we partially do, we have problems. And we who have problems are pivoting with those who don't have problems.

[24:23]

We're never separate from the skill which we aspire to. I see Amanda raising her hand. Yes, Amanda. Practices of compassion help us be here. So whatever we feel, you know, difficult emotions, pleasant emotions, difficult ideas, whatever they are, to do basic practices of compassion towards them and also be that way with others.

[25:31]

That's how to be at the center. Yes? Did you say, say that again louder? If I'm not totally exerting or inhabiting my center or stuck place or whatever, I'm not totally exerting. Maybe there's a possibility that I would in some way project or become involved in desire in some way, projecting my lack onto an object. that would be a direction that would continue to move me away from fixating. Well, not if you pivoted on that and went back and started taking care of what you said was taking you away.

[26:39]

It won't necessarily keep taking you away if you then engage with it. Because it doesn't really take you away. Right. That is an insight. That's an insight. And that insight will take you back to do the work which you have... Let's see. Yes. Is desire an exceptional version or a function of not being able to see yourself as the other? Yeah. Or not to take the other, not to sort of take their position and be able to imagine their position. So you may still see them as other, but you might be willing to change places with them and give up your position.

[27:47]

Not get rid of your position, but just give it up. You don't have to switch, you just be willing to. Then you can realize that actually the more you take this position, you become not this position. The more I become me, the more I'm you. And so Entertaining the possibility of being you actually goes with being more me. Whether it's aversion or desire, same. So is imagining the other person's point of view, is that enough? I mean, how can you really... It wouldn't be... I guess when I heard you say about reversing with someone else... Well, you said, is imagining the other person's point of view enough?

[28:59]

It would only be through your own filter somehow, I would think. It's not going to be a complete... Right. If you were to imagine, for example, what it's like for me to look at you, then you say, would that be enough? First of all, if you're willing to, again, entertain the exercise of trying to see yourself through me, or as I would, you're already not so stuck. So you have some idea about the way I see you. It may not be the way I see you, okay? But given what you think is the way I see you, you may actually not allow yourself to see yourself the way I do. You may not allow yourself to see you as I see you.

[30:06]

And you might be able to notice that. And even though you notice it, you still may feel an obsession to me because you don't let yourself see yourself as you imagine I see you. Like maybe you think, I see you, you know, as something I want to possess. Maybe I don't, but you see me and you imagine that I want to possess you. And that might be something which you realize to a desire for me to be around. And this desire, this special one, feeds into the other one, the basic one, which is some condition that will make me... And some people feel when they meet someone, you know, if that person

[31:32]

if they imagine that person desires them, they feel like that's the one condition that will make me free of conditions. That's the one thing that will make me exist and be free and be all-powerful. Because that person desires me. That person even thinks that I'm the one condition that will make their life exist. And then I have this, perhaps, overwhelming, disorienting desire for them. Because I think that presence will make everything work. And that feeds into the more basic thing is, I'm looking for something, something that will make me free of things. But when I find something in particular that I don't even see myself changing places with, then that makes it really intoxicating.

[32:52]

And I will discuss this with you later, because addiction is a similar function, and storytelling is a similar function. the way we feel about people, some people that we feel like, this person in my life, everything will be all right, that one. Or this person in our life will make everything bad. So again, if you look at it, you may be able to see. And then you said, if you could imagine, would that be enough? like if you could imagine, then I would say that would be enough maybe to free you from that particular obsession. If you would allow yourself to imagine seeing yourself the way you imagine, to be willing to allow yourself to see yourself as you imagine this person sees you, that would probably be enough to make this, to take away the obsession.

[33:56]

But you'd have to... and then to exert the more normal state because some people they're not being racked with obsessional desires and aversions part of their life but they still have this basic one so that whatever the situation is enter into this being you completely is the point and so if you can be willing to try on this thing which you think you can't do I'll take it back. If you're not willing to try on this thing, sort of unimaginable change of perspective, if you're not able to be it, if you can fully inhabit that position of obsessive desire, that can be your road to realizing being able to do what you can't do.

[35:03]

So by totally exerting not being able to do something, you pivot and become being able to do that. Being able to allow yourself to see in a way that you couldn't allow yourself to see before. And sometimes you can tell, I do not want to see that way. I do not want to see that way. I want myself to see that way. So we want to be free of conditions like some people. And then because we want to be free, we want to allow ourselves to be free like some people. And then we become obsessed with those people. obsessed in a good way.

[36:08]

Like I want that person or I'm obsessed like, no, I don't want. So this whole process abounds with pivoting and paradox. Yes. So I'm thinking about this one person that maybe I'm not the only one that sees, oh my gosh, you know. You're not. There's another person, by the way, that you don't feel that way about that some other people do. I noticed that also. There's a lot of difficulty with being able to do this thing you're talking about. Yeah. So I can imagine, first of all, a person's point of view. I imagine that I feel shrunk up and uncomfortable. Well, there's two things. When you imagine their point of view, you feel shrunk up and uncomfortable.

[37:10]

That's one. I feel compassion for their life. Well, that's good. That's good. You feel compassion. That's great. And then you can feel compassion towards yourself, feeling this kind of cringe. This shrunken feeling, yeah. So you can feel compassion for that person's, did you say poverty? Yeah, you feel compassion for that person's shrunken state. Do you have a shrunken state? Well, when I'm picturing meeting that person. And will you allow yourself to be in that position? Yeah, it just feels like a lot of suffering. Yeah. This sounds like not so obsessional. what you're saying now.

[38:13]

Painful, but that's part of the thing that leads to the obsession. Close to something that will kind of like, if that thing's there, you're going to be like free of suffering. You're going to like to be able to exist free of the condition of suffering. And also free of the condition of pleasure. idea or story that if this person is in our life, things are going to be pretty bad. Free of stories, which is similar to have free of the other story of things being a different way. So we want to be free of stories and wishing to be free of stories, we sometimes slip into using stories as a way to be free of stories, to use stories to free us from stories we sometimes do. So that will be... we can look into that more, too.

[39:15]

Is this present thing, using the story to be free of... Yeah, I think... I have stories coming up in my consciousness about what might happen I have stories that I think would be really embarrassing, really . Perhaps, you know, a huge global catastrophe, the story comes up. And so how do you work with these stories? And how do you use other stories to, you know, in an obsessional, addictive, in a way that promotes desire, rather than that promotes exertion of our position and realization of our Buddha life. How are we going to do that?

[40:19]

King? It sometimes seems as though when people are talking about trying to understand another person's point of view, that it's kind of a mess. Not too surreal, but somehow. I'm not exactly sure of the points of view here. No, I'm just saying, to me, it could be a point. It could be. These points of view are going to be in a much deeper place than some kind of exercise of rights and wrongs. This is a math that comes from a very deep place. That's a math very . To what? To empathize with Freud. Yeah. Um. But again, it's like, in one sense, is practicing compassion towards others in a way that helps me be more completely myself.

[41:29]

It's not so much I'm practicing compassion towards other people to get some kind of knowledge of them, or to have, you know... It's not like when I'm generous with people, it's not like I'm trying to get something from them or get something with them. I just feel that practicing compassion in the form of generosity towards someone will promote realization of awakening. but I don't know what kind of relationship, I don't know if that will lead me to attain empathy. But empathy will lead me to attain Buddhahood. So I'm not trying to attain compassion or attain empathy. I'm trying to use compassion and empathy to attain freedom from trying to get compassion and trying to get empathy or try to get understanding your point of view.

[42:40]

And right now, I already know, in some people's case, I'm not really... I can't imagine seeing the way they see, and I don't want to. So I have to be generous with that. Yes, whose hands are up over there? David? I said that the concept of self and mother is one we made. As we begin life, we have less of a concept of that, and that the relaxing from the separation of self and mother and with compassion is attributed to the original state. So, some people feel that when we're born... I think a lot of people feel that our sense of self is not very well developed when we're born, and around 18 months it starts to get lots of exercise developments which promote the beginning of a sense of self.

[43:45]

So, what was that leading to? Well, the thing for me is that it's the self and the other, and we can relax with that. They can rationalize it because there is no separation. And there's more of a feeling of the universal with people, rather than trying to take their point of view. In the course description, I mentioned that something about the insight is existence our own. So when we have that insight, practicing compassion is, you could say, more or less unhindered. And we also have, when fear arises, we're more able to let it go because of that insight. But that's an insight into a setup.

[44:51]

And the setup is the appearance that self is separate from others. This insight that your existence is my own is an insight that's pivoting with your existence. It looks like it's not my own. So this wonderful insight isn't floating up there in some different world from a perception that we're separate. They're pivoting on each other. And the insight is correct, but this insight doesn't live except with that we are separate. Buddha is cool, but the reason Buddha exists is because people think they're separate and are afraid and so on because of that.

[45:54]

So we want to practice compassion, yes, And we want to practice empathy? Yes. To promote realizing that the compassionate Buddha who has insight that we don't exist on our own is pivoting with those who are not compassionate and who do think they're separate. And also there's other people who think they're separate. A lot of people think they're separate and still are practicing compassion. But their compassion is challenged by that lack of insight. It makes it harder than it will be when the insight comes. But even when the insight comes, the slightest bit away from the delusion that you could say we used to have, anyway, it's right there all the time. They're pivoting on each other. We don't get stuck in the insight. so we can pivot with not the insight.

[46:58]

And we don't get insight because the not insight is the basis for the insight or the condition for the insight. So the insight is wonderful and we also want to be careful not to abide in the insight. It does not exist by itself. And if you had that insight and then you wanted to stay there, then you might not let yourself change places with certain deluded people, and then you'd become obsessionally desirous to have them around. Or get away from them. I propose that to you. Sometimes people like to hear how I apply these teachings.

[48:30]

Today I accidentally put a bank deposit in the mailbox. It had an envelope, but I wasn't intending to mail it. And it didn't have a stamp on it. But it did have an address. It wasn't just an annual envelope. It's an envelope that had the address of the bank on it. But I wasn't meaning to put it... It got mixed in with some other stuff. And it went into the thing. And then when I realized it, I felt a lot of heat in my body. So then I practiced. being just like I was at that time. I practiced being really hot and embarrassed in one of the branch libraries in Berkeley.

[49:38]

That's what's important. is for me to be that way. That's my responsibility is for me to be hot and sometimes cold and sometimes embarrassed. And that's always my responsibility in every moment. That's my Yes, Jeff? Are you saying that you and I are separate and not separate? we're separate, we appear to be separate, and that's a mental construction.

[50:51]

And also you have a theory that we're separate too. You said clearly we're separate. Yeah, so you think that perception you think is reality. Pardon? It's a type of reality. Yeah, so that's a certain reality you have. And then there's another one. What's that one? Understanding that... And understanding that that perception is a mental construction. You don't want that one yet? Yeah, I'm perceiving that you didn't agree with that. I could also say that the perception that we're separate is pivoting with the understanding that we're not. Understanding hasn't quite come yet in the same, what's the word, the same, doesn't have as much as clear position as the position of we're separate.

[52:12]

You haven't quite found that other position yet as much as this position. And so the way to have the other position is to fully exert this position. And if you fully exert this position, you won't abide in this one. And then when you don't abide in this one, you'll become the other one. And then if you exert that one, you won't abide in that. That's what I'm saying. and we have to train in order to fully exert our positions, and before the training is complete, we're not fully inhabiting our position, and when we don't fully inhabit our position, we're somewhat stuck in it. Yes, Helen? They say that position that we're one is a mental construction?

[53:22]

Would I say that that idea is a mental construction? Yeah, it is a mental construction. I would say that. And you can work with that idea. And you can learn to not abide in that idea. So then you can become free of that idea. And then that idea will not be a problem for you or anybody else. And also the idea that we're not the same. The idea that you're pervading me and I'm pervading you, those are also just ideas.

[54:32]

King? Would you say that the mental construction that we are all one Is it a delusion? The way it... I mean, if it looks like it's... if you see it there, yeah, that's a delusion. If it's out in front of you, you're there and there's this idea of oneness out there, then that's a delusion. Huh? Yeah, and it's like something out there in the world that's not you. So the idea of oneness looks like... doesn't look like Ellen. That's a delusion, yeah. Well, would you say that some delusions are better than others?

[55:36]

Let's just say for, what do you call it, that I say that some ideas are better than others. And what about that one? It's probably an illusion too, but I like it. So, if I were to say this better than others, I would say that would be another thing that I would want to totally exert so I don't get stuck in the idea that some ideas are better than others. Or, some ideas are not... All ideas are equal. Not either. So, will I do the public service of taking the position of some ideas are better? I do want to do the public service of being willing to be an advocate for the idea that some ideas are better.

[56:38]

I also have the idea that some ideas are may be necessary in order to be free. So some of the ideas that appear in our minds through Dharma contacts may be necessary. So this teaching that I'm giving you may be, you could say, better than our ideas. I would just say that there may be some ideas that you actually don't ever have to think. Like, certain theories about the way carburetors work, you do not necessarily have to think in order to be free, you know, in this lifetime. But there's other, some other thoughts you may, may be necessary for us in order to be free. For example, not abiding in anything. But I... To say it's better is kind of like, well, do I have to say that what's necessary is better?

[57:47]

Couldn't I just say it's necessary? Well, if it's necessary, do you need to say helpful on top of necessary? Oh, I don't know. There's a whole bunch of helpful things that are not necessary. There's so many helpful things. I'm like, that's one of my stress points, is that there's so many helpful things, you know. But I'm not going to get to them all. But my nature... You can call it helpful, you can call it better, whatever. My nature is unavoidable and necessary. And also, in some of our Zen meditation practice, a poem about that describes it as the necessary function of all Buddhas.

[58:51]

But that word necessary also means pivotal. and it also means essential. So, there are some things which the pivotality is our nature. Our nature is necessary and you can say helpful if you want to. It's not going to hurt it to say helpful. But you don't have to say helpful. And also, I'm not discouraging you to say helpful. To me, if it is helpful, I would just say, well, it depends on what you want. If you want to realize your nature, this is your thing. If you want to realize freedom, this is your thing. I wouldn't say that... Freedom is not going around saying that freedom is better... Freedom doesn't ever... Freedom is better than bondage. It could... Freedom could say, Hey, guess what? I just found out. Freedom is better than bondage. Freedom could say that. But freedom can also say, This amazing thing happened.

[59:54]

I realized that bondage is better than freedom. And even though it's better, I still want freedom. Yes? So, correct me if this is foolish, but I have trained myself, rather than to stop saying this is good and this is bad, to just require myself to say what it's necessary for. Because an unqualified... judgment term like this is helpful can trick you into thinking that there's an objective underlying truth to that. And this is helpful if, I mean, well, it's only helpful if you want to realize it's not going to help you. Yeah. I appreciate that. This is helpful or this is good if you want that. If you want to drive a car safely, it's good to check the brakes before you drive it.

[60:58]

It's good to drive safely, and safely means without hurting other people or yourself. It's good for that. So it's okay to follow those instincts to say, this is good, and then just to help explain to yourself, okay, why or what for? Now you said, you used the word okay, And, you know, instinct. And then you use the word follow. Okay? So, I'm not going to go around and say it's not okay to follow instincts. You know, that's not my job. Nobody needs me, I don't think, to be going around saying that. I just don't think it's necessary to follow your instincts. In other words, I think it's possible to be free of your instincts. And so if you want to be free, then I would think it would be good to learn how to be free of your instincts rather than okay to follow them. And if you... But that doesn't mean if you want to follow them.

[62:01]

I think if you want to be free, you should be mindful of if you're following your instincts. And if you're mindful that you're following your instincts, then you can totally exert the following of the instinct, and then you can be free of instincts and following and okay. But, you know, good, when it becomes rigid, it usually becomes harmful. Evil, when it pivots, gives us an opportunity for benefit and liberation. Yes? I want to acknowledge that one of the hardest parts of our practice, for me, is believing that we are living in something

[63:03]

particularly like an addictive behavior, will not result in me being stuck, but will result in me not abiding there. To me, that's pure faith when you say that. Well, you said, will not result in you being... What did you say? You said you had trouble believing that fully exerting, for example, an addiction, you had trouble believing that... That you would then get stuck there. Well, you already are stuck. So if you're not stuck, it's not an addiction. Yeah, so if you're not stuck, I wouldn't call that an addiction. Addiction is you're stuck in something. Right, but you're supposed to have, or it would be good to have faith that if you just really... fully, you will end up not abiding it. But when you're doing it, you think the worst thing in the world would be to keep it.

[64:07]

Yeah, so the basic principle which you're having trouble having faith in is fully exerting being stuck is liberating. Fully exerting not being able to pivot, you will enter pivotality. You have trouble believing that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, in other words, and that's similar to saying I have trouble fully experiencing what's going on with me right now. And maybe especially when I feel stuck. But if you just fully exert the way you are right now, you're doing just what a Buddha does. I mean, I know you say that. It sounds very glamorous in here. But in actual, when you're in the middle of really a horrible... Yeah, well, like me. When I put the bank deposit in, I got hot and embarrassed. And so what did I do?

[65:08]

I tried to totally be hot and embarrassed. And I didn't do that just for, you know, to ease my pain. I did it because that's my job. And my job's not just for me, it's for you. You're not really saying, go do the, you know, smoke 10 cigarettes or what you're saying. No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying when you're... Have it that longing. I'm saying, if you're not smoking a cigarette, and you're obsessing about having a cigarette, and you can't stop obsessing about having a cigarette, at that moment, I'm saying... You don't have to be at least a bit different from that to be Buddha. Because Buddha would be just like that, except totally. And she, by saying she, her faith is getting tested. And I don't know how to say this.

[66:10]

I'll say it. If you had enough faith, then you would be able to verify this is so. Because if you had enough faith, then you would totally be stuck in whatever variety of stuckness you had. You would totally be there and you would realize Buddhahood at that moment, at that place. And you would realize that that being stuck is not existing by itself. And you who are stuck are not existing by yourself. And nothing exists by itself. Okay? And so you have to have, some people would say, a lot of faith in order to like totally be yourself. Yes, Emerald? Okay, so you put this deposit in the mailbox. Yeah. And you run out of your car and just allow yourself to be and being yourself fully.

[67:13]

I didn't say I accomplished it. But when I realized it, I thought, oh, this is a job for... This is a job for this practice. And although I still didn't really change anything, but I felt like, well, at least now I'm doing... Even though I made this mistake, now I'm doing my work. You mean, I do it again, is that what you mean? And then your wife... is trying to experience what it is that you're experiencing, going, he's really hot, it's really uncomfortable for him, but yet he's still doing, putting the positive mailbox, so she doesn't have to get to your point of view, and then do you need to get to her point of view in order to, like, you know, in context, because I feel like there's like a,

[68:29]

of breaking out and saying, like, oh, yes, so you just be you, but trying to put it into context or reality of saying, oh, we are... Here's what I'm saying. Here's what I'm saying. I'm saying that if I not only made this mistake, but if I... But I could make that mistake and have no... ...with it. But when you don't have any money in the bank... Yeah, but I could have no problem with that. And my wife could too. If we exert the situation of having made this mistake. And if I do it again, I would say the same practice. And I'm saying that when I would totally inhabit whatever this was... There would be no addiction.

[69:31]

And it wouldn't be... What? No, then I would not stay in the same place. There would be no same places anymore. There would be the end of same places. There would just be this place and this place and this place. It could happen that I would sometime also again put a bank deposit into a mailbox. It could happen again. the way I'm talking about, I'm saying that I will not abide in being the kind of not very careful male depositor. Okay? I will not get stuck in that. I will just be a not very skillful male depositor. And now with that, and if I do it again, and I do it wholeheartedly, I still might feel hot, but I won't abide in it.

[70:33]

And if I don't abide, I'll be fine. Even if by some surprising coincidence, I do it over and over. And I don't notice when I make the mail. I somehow miraculously don't notice as I'm making the bank deposit. You know, I did this recently and I put this in the mailbox. Again, I don't want to. And then it might happen. But even if that happened, I'm still proposing this. Because in fact, even if I don't keep putting bank deposits in the mailbox, even if I don't, somebody else is going to be doing something that they have a problem with. And if they can do this practice, they'll be all right too. But if they don't do this practice, they won't be all right.

[71:37]

And even if I get the mail deposit, the bank deposit and take it to the bank. If I don't totally exert that, I'll abide in that. And that is not what I want to do. Do you say, why is it not? Why would I not want to exert myself? I do not, in the slightest bit, not want to exert myself. I totally want to exert myself. But I sometimes forget. And I don't want to forget, but I sometimes forget. So when I... I was not like saying, oh, here is a great opportunity. Putting mail in the mailbox. This is like an opportunity to totally do this. And look at the hands. Is this stuff I really want to put in there?

[72:44]

That might be part of total exerting mail deposits. And I said, oh look, what's here? This is a bank deposit. This is not a letter. Oh, maybe I'll just pull it out of the packet. Or maybe I'll do this weird thing and put it in and see how it goes. That could happen. But again, if I do it just to be weird and don't totally exert, then I'll be stuck in being weird. Does that make more sense now? Yeah, it's like it's all becoming clearer, right? Huh? What? I couldn't hear you. Maybe you will start liking that feeling of heat. Yeah, well, now I know a way to get hot. If I ever get cold, all I got to do is get a bank deposit and put it in the mailbox without a stamp. But that might get old. I'm not primarily trying to get hot or cold. I'm just trying to fully engage my temperature because I think that that's Buddha's work.

[73:54]

And I have to be compassionate to my temperature in order to fully exude, which includes being generous and careful and patient and so on. I just wondered, when you're saying exert, is that synonymous with inhabit? Inhabit, inhabit, embody, be totally mindful, be totally generous, be totally careful, be totally patient, be diligent, all that with whatever it is, including being stuck. and being anxious or bored. I like anxiety and boredom, which I brought up last weekend, too. Yes? So, what you're saying is you don't really want to differentiate things. No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying I don't want to be caught by my differentiation.

[75:00]

So yes, go ahead. So you're differentiating and making choices, but you're not emotionally? I'm not emotionally caught. I'm not saying I'm not. I don't want to be. I don't want to be emotionally caught up in my decisions. I don't want to be intellectually caught up in my decisions. I don't want to be caught up in my discriminations. But to try to do this stuff is getting caught. But I want to be completely what I'm doing as a way to be free of what I'm doing. If I discriminate between myself and you, I want to do that wholeheartedly, that I'm not stuck in that. And then I can realize how you and I are pivoting on each other.

[76:09]

How you and I are pivoting with the whole universe. That's what I want to realize, because I think and I believe that that and freedom And that's Buddha's activity. So I don't want to mess with what's being given to me. I want to receive what's given to me and work with it. That is my responsibility, is to deal with it. And this is the way I want to deal with it. And again, I'm saying dealing with it wholeheartedly is exactly what Buddha does. She deals with what's been given to her. And for you to experience like a Buddha is for you to experience like you're experiencing a Buddha. Totally. And most people, everybody's experiencing, but most people have not the faith and or the training And they go hand in hand because the more you train, the stronger your faith gets to support your more and more thorough exercise of your position.

[77:23]

If you thoroughly exercise your position, you've got a position, you're discriminating this way or that way, thoroughly exerting it, you realize, not it. And then the same with not it, you realize it's And, you know, from the point of view of ego, I wish I had thought all this up by myself, but everybody helped me have these thoughts, which I, you know, they're not really mine, they're our thoughts. They're the thoughts of our nature. This is our nature, which we're just bringing up and discussing in hopes that we will practice this nature Bill. You are pivoting and you are already in the middle.

[78:25]

That's where you are. That's your nature. In order for you to realize this, you have to be, for example, Bill. The way you are right now, this body, this mind, totally inhabit your position, then you kind of like magically don't. You kind of go away from your pivoting. You're already pivoting. You and I... What? I was thinking about you talking about the amusement park variety. Amusement park? Amusement park. In order to not be thrown off the disc, getting rid of... Yeah, and that's where we are. So we have to remember that we're at the center. We are centers, each of us. And other people are centers too. So we have to take care of our center, which is our current experience at this moment in space and time. We're here and now. This is our responsibility.

[79:28]

There's a bunch of other stuff which you can do. That's fine. But we have plenty right here and now. And we have varying degrees of faith in that this is what we should do. Like some people say to me, I don't know how many times, but quite a few times, people ask me about events that are coming. Like there's a practice period starting at Green Gulch next week that I'm leading. And people say, are you looking forward to the practice period? And I say, I'm trying not to. This week, not next week, even though next week is kind of going, oh, are you ready for this? Are you ready to lead this practice period? Do you have something to give to the people who are in it? So these things are looming there. I say, whoa, stay. I hear the call, the siren call. But I have a job now of being me here. I'm not turning away from it.

[80:31]

I'm just like, okay, don't leave here to think of that. Don't leave here to put your bank deposit in the mailbox. Just be a person who did that. Okay, that's me. And there's some heat with that. Okay. Oh, this works pretty well. This being me completely actually works pretty well. And it's my responsibility. It's not yours. And it's my responsibility and this is the way I want to help you is by accepting and exerting my responsibility to encourage you to do the same. I cannot... I cannot face your anxiety. I mean, I cannot do your facing of your anxiety. If you tell me you're anxious, I can face it. But that's not the way you can face it.

[81:33]

Okay? Bill? Okay? Thank you very much, everybody. Shall we go?

[81:47]

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