Anything you'd like to discuss? Yes, yes. Hmm. I don't know if this is a question that can be answered. I don't know if this is a question that can be answered. But I'm wondering, in the effort to save beings, how is it that you can transmit communion? How is it transmitted? How do you transmit it? By remembering it?

[01:02]

By practicing it? Practicing remembering what? Stillness. Remember stillness. You're already in it. You already have it. Yes. Okay, so you remember to be still in the midst of this intimate communication. And then you practice it. And then by remembering and practicing it, it is transmitted. Kind of like, I remember to be still, and then I also remember you. And I remember your name. Then I practice being still with you and I remember you also and your name.

[02:07]

And then I transmit this relationship we have. I didn't do anything, I just remembered the relationship. It's not a conscious thing. It's not a conscious thing. It is. To remember is conscious. In other words, we need to join our consciousness with this inconceivable mind. So the Holy Communion is not a consciousness. It's not a consciousness. It's the communion among all consciousnesses. But none of the consciousnesses that are in the communion know the communion. But consciousnesses can know, I remember stillness. And now I'm trying to practice being here with this person and these people. Consciously I can remember the instructions.

[03:14]

And I can remember the teaching. And the teaching is saying, although I can remember the teaching, the teaching is not a consciousness. The teaching is an intimacy that's inconceivable. But I can remember that. And I can pay my respects to that. I can pay homage to that intimate life-saving, life-liberating communion. I can pay homage to something which I cannot consciously know. In my consciousness, I can pay conscious homage to an inconceivable mind of communion. Yes? How does studying the self come into play here?

[04:31]

This is one way it could come into play. I am here remembering stillness. I have just forgotten remembering stillness. Now, I notice that So, and now I wish to practice stillness. Now I wish to offer my life in an effort to free beings. So in consciousness I'm here and I have I have some presence here and there's various ideas present with me. And I wish to be present and still with all that's going on in consciousness.

[05:53]

I wish to be generous and now I'm trying... I'm remembering that I want to be generous. And I'm trying to practice being generous. And in remembering being generous and practicing be generous, that also goes with remembering stillness and practicing stillness. And in that way, in that remembering and practicing, there is transmitting, and my self is there in that space. My self doesn't exactly do the transmitting, but my self is in this consciousness where there is remembering stillness and practicing stillness. And there is remembering giving and practicing giving. And therefore there is transmitting stillness and transmitting giving.

[07:00]

And the self is there. And this is the way to study the self, is to be still in the place where the self lives. So, in consciousness the self is living, and when there's a practice of stillness in consciousness with the self, there is study of the self. Once again. The place where thoughts, the realm in which thoughts are arising, and ceasing, that realm is consciousness. And in consciousness there seems to be somebody there in the place, in the realm where thoughts are rising and coming down, or where hands are rising and going down, which is actually the thought

[08:12]

of the hand arising and coming down. So this is the realm of consciousness where I'm talking to you. This is consciousness. And in this consciousness I can remember stillness or not. And I can practice stillness in consciousness while thoughts are arising and ceasing there can be the practice of stillness. And I said, actually, I can practice stillness, but it's more like in the realm where I am, there can be the practice of stillness. It's not so much that I'm doing it, but in the place where there's you and me, there's also a practice of being still. And I can enjoy it, and you can enjoy it. I can remember it, you can remember it. But it's not exactly that I remember it even, but more like in the realm of consciousness where there seems to be somebody here, there can be remembering stillness, there can be practicing stillness, there can be transmitting stillness.

[09:24]

In the realm where there seems to be somebody here, there can be remembering generosity, practicing generosity, and transmitting generosity, and so on, in the realm where there seems to be somebody here that can be remembering ethical training, practicing ethical training, and transmitting ethical training. It isn't exactly that I'm remembering or I'm practicing, but I I am here in the consciousness where there is practice and remembering. And that's where thoughts are arising and ceasing. However, this consciousness is actually living in a holy communion with other consciousnesses where things are arising and ceasing. The communion is not rising and ceasing. It doesn't come or go.

[10:27]

It doesn't stand or walk, like it says in one of our songs. It doesn't come or go or rise or stand. What's that? The communion. The communion is inconceivable. Our consciousness is not a consciousness. But the relationship between all of us conscious beings, that communion is not a consciousness. And that communion has given us teachings about how to be in consciousness so that we can realize this inconceivable realm of communion and peace. But we have to take care of things in consciousness, or I should say, where we are there needs to be caring in the place where we are. There needs to be practice in the place where we are for us to realize the realm of peace beyond our consciousness or all including all of our consciousnesses.

[11:33]

And consciousness is not an easy place. to be still because consciousness is very active. In other words, another name for consciousness is active consciousness or karmic consciousness. Consciousness is karmic. There's actions in the field and it's difficult to learn how to be in the field where we are, to watch all the actions and not get confused about, am I doing these or not? Like, usually in consciousness, when there's bowing practice going on, usually if there's consciousness while the bowing is going, bowing to the ground, it's going on, usually for many people it's like, I'm bowing. Another way is, I'm here and there's bowing going on.

[12:42]

And then sometimes people think, I'm bowing, but I don't want to bow. Or, I'm bowing, and I love to bow. But in another way, it's like in the place where there seems to be bowing arising and ceasing, I'm here. But it isn't exactly that I'm doing the bowing. It's just that I'm in the place where the bowing's happening. And I remember this one, I think she was a German woman who studied Zen in Japan, and then she went and became a Zen teacher in England. But when she was in Japan, she got introduced to doing bows to the ground. And she had all kinds of... In the place where the bows were occurring, she was there, and she had all kinds of questions and doubts about about the bowing. And one time she was bowing and she's saying, I seem to have doubts about this bowing, but it seems like somebody's bowing wholeheartedly.

[13:48]

Or I would change it to see, but there seems to be wholehearted bowing going on even though I think I have reservations about it. So it's hard to actually practice in consciousness, but it's not impossible to learn how. And again, part of it is to learn the, in some sense, the art of being present with activity and also be still. So there's all this activity going on, but there's stillness also. So I'm actually still because this activity isn't, I'm not doing it. And also in my stillness, I'm responsible for all the activity that's going on. When you're still, you don't say, well, I'm not responsible for this activity. When you think you do it, you're at risk of being irresponsible. You can be more responsible if you're present with the activities in stillness.

[15:02]

So we are responsible, we, the self is responsible even though the self is not in control of the actions. A lot of people think, I'm not going to accept responsibility if I'm not in control. I would suggest accepting responsibility even though, or even if, but I think even though, you're not in control. Yes? When I hear the word stillness, my mind immediately associates it with physical stillness. Yeah? That I can imagine that you're talking about. Correct. So, someone asked me on the tea, he said, well, what do you mean by stillness? I said, well, right now you're talking to me. And right now you're lifting your teacup up to your...

[16:07]

up to your mouth. These movements seem to be occurring. But while you're talking, remember that there's still some stillness there. And while you're moving your hand, remember stillness. And he said, well, is that kind of like being completely where I am? I said, yeah. It's like being completely where you are. But you don't have to move to be completely where you are. You have to do something to be totally present. You more have to let go of the activity. But if you let go of the activity, you may discover that there's stillness in the midst of the movement. And if you realize there's stillness in the midst of the movement, you let go of the movement. After I'd been practicing for some time, one day I had incense in my hand and I was moving my hand through the air to put the incense into the incense burner, incense bowl.

[17:23]

And I was surprised to see that although I was moving my hand, there was stillness. that there was not moving all the way through the process of my hand moving. So it didn't disturb the moving and I didn't drop the incense. Everything worked and yet I was surprised to see actually there's stillness. There's actually always not coming and going. And there's coming and going. Yes? I am talking about that consciousness. So in emptiness, there's no consciousness.

[18:41]

That consciousness is the consciousness I'm talking about. There isn't any consciousness in emptiness. However, although I'm talking about that consciousness, and although that consciousness cannot be found in emptiness, I'm still saying that that consciousness which you can't find is never going to understand, is never going to comprehend the communion. And the reason why there can be communion of all the different consciousnesses which can't reach the communion is because they're empty. Their lack of substantial existence is what makes possible their perfect communion with each other. If you had one opinion and I had another one, and those actually really existed, it might be hard for us to be in perfect communion.

[19:44]

But there's no such things. So they are in communion. So in the Heart Search it's talking about when you realize the nature of consciousness, you'll realize you can't find it. When you realize you can't find it, then you open to this communion. But if we think we can find consciousness and therefore grasp it, the grasping distracts us from the stillness. We can say, what about if I am grasping, am distracted from the stillness? Then I would say, well, confess that you just forgot the stillness. Again, like I said before, if you practice stillness, you'll let go of things. If you let go of things, you'll discover stillness. The other way is, if you find yourself forgetting stillness, you'll notice that you're holding on to things.

[20:50]

Vice versa, if you're holding on to things, you can notice that you've forgotten stillness. I'm, you know, I don't have time for stillness. I'm too busy holding on here. When you remember stillness, that's what you're remembering. And you can still be holding your hat. But with, you know... but you've also let it go because you're mainly appreciating the stillness in which somehow in the stillness my fingers are under my hat and everything's fine. So there's a close relationship between grasping and forgetting stillness and letting go and remembering stillness. There is not a lack of stillness if I stated that, and also I didn't state it, did I?

[21:59]

But you saw this thing happen. There's not a lack of stillness here. But is there a fullness of remembering? And that I'm checking on myself. No. I may have said that, but remembering the stillness. It's not exactly a stillness of remembering. It's remembering the stillness. In other words, can I remember stillness while I'm acting? And I would say, I want to. And if I want to remember stillness when I'm moving, then I have a chance to practice it. If I remember stillness, and remember I want to, and practice it, then it's transmitted. And again I said, if I remember. But if I'm here, and there's remembering, and there's practicing, there's transmitting. While hats are being lifted and set down.

[23:08]

And I'm here while these hats are being twirled. I'm here, and you're here too. We're here, and do we remember stillness? Do we practice stillness? And again, while this is going on, is stillness remembered? Is stillness practiced? Is stillness transmitted? I want it to be so. And again, I said I want it to be so, but I would say there is wanting it to be so. There is wishing for stillness to be practiced and remembered and transmitted. And there is understanding that if there's any clinging, that interferes with the transmission of stillness. There's an understanding of that. And vice versa, there's an understanding that when remembering stillness, there is letting go of activities which are going on.

[24:10]

But we don't have to stop the activities. Or I should say, again, the activities don't have to stop. The activities can go on. The show can go on. And there can be stillness with it, which means there can also be letting go of the show. And in letting go of the show, there is peace. And it's difficult to learn this because there's somebody there and somebody sometimes thinks, well, am I doing this? Or is this my letting go? Or is this my stillness? Am I doing the practice here? So it makes things more challenging. And as you, or whether there might be the awareness that the language keeps slipping back into, I remember, I practice, I transmit. Or, I want to remember stillness. I want to practice it.

[25:15]

But there can also be, there is a wish to remember stillness. There is a wish to practice stillness. There is a wish to transmit it. There is a wish to realize peace. And I'm there with the wish. I live with the wish. And I'm happy to live there with that wish. And I've heard other people are happy to be there with the wish, too. Yes? I heard you speak about Well, doubt in the sense of, I doubt that I know all about Zazen.

[26:30]

So I'm wondering about Zazen, or I feel wonder in the presence of the practice of the Buddhas. So the doubt isn't so much, I doubt that, I don't so much doubt that I want peace, but I doubt that I know what peace is and I doubt that I know the way of peace. I doubt that I know what stillness is, but I still believe that stillness would be good for me to practice. So I can try to practice something that I have doubts about. For example, compassion. I could want to practice compassion but have doubts that I really know what it is. I could want to become a true human being but doubt that I know what a true human being is. So then it would be appropriate for me to continue to wonder, what is it?

[27:35]

I feel like that's part of who I am, is to wonder, who am I truly? So that kind of doubt goes with faith. I believe in peace and harmony. I believe that that's what I want in life. I believe that if I'm really a true human being, if I could become a true human being, that that would be appropriate to peace. That's my faith. But also, part of my faith is a doubt that I know what I'm talking about. Because if I think I know what I'm talking about, that seems to be conducive to interfering with peace. Do you have any more questions about doubt?

[28:43]

Just some doubts about doubt? Yeah. I have some doubts about doubt too, so. For those who have great faith, doubt is part of their work. The more faith you have, the more profound your doubt can be. So like, somebody like Socrates, or Shakyamuni Buddha, they had great faith, and so they could really have a lot of doubt and really, you know, wonder. Well, what's that? What's virtue? What's friendship? What's helping? They really were into wondering about that, questioning it, not being sure. I know what it is, that's it, no more discussion. They weren't like that. Yes? Was there a hand over there? Yes? Two hands? You don't have to set it aside.

[30:08]

I just pointed it out. I don't want to encourage you to set it aside. I do not want to encourage you to set it aside. However, it is also possible to speak in a way that doesn't use it. And it's also possible to notice when you're using it. So for example, there is a wish for peace and harmony. In that case, it was not used. That's not necessarily better, it's just like there is a wish for peace and harmony, and somebody's here while that wish is expressed. So now I can say it in another way, or now it can be said in another way. Namely, I have the wish, or I wish. So we can say, I wish for peace. We can also say, there is a wish for peace, and I'm here with that wish.

[31:12]

So it's good to be able to notice that there's self and wishes And then you can say the self has the wish, or you can say the self is present in the consciousness where the wish appears. So in my consciousness there's a wish for peace, or to say in consciousness there's a me and a mine and a wish for peace, but there can also just be me and the wish for peace, and there can also be I wish for peace. So studying the self is to notice that there's in consciousness there's a self appearing, and the self appears with actions, and sometimes the self and the actions get confused. And also sometimes the self and the actions get separated. So to study the self partly has to do with studying consciousness where there's self and actions. And so there can be language like, I have a wish, and there can also be language like, there is a wish.

[32:18]

There is a wish for your welfare. Or, I wish for your welfare. This is part of learning the nature of consciousness and discovering how to let go of what's going on and realize peace. Okay? So I'm not encouraging you, I'm not encouraging you to stop using I. And however, there can also be the language of there is not the encouragement of letting go of the use of I. But there is the encouragement to be aware of the use of I, to watch how it's used. There is that encouragement. And I encourage it. Okay? Yes? Could you speak louder, please?

[33:29]

Yes, stillness and remembering stillness. Yes. My question is what is recognition? Where does that recognition come from? How do you recognize? Where does recognition come from? One of our songs has a section where it's describing the activities that are going on in a peaceful world.

[34:43]

It describes how things are inconceivably helping each other. And then it says, all this, however, does not appear within perception because it is unconstructedness and stillness. So it describes this world of harmony and peace and says that this harmony and peace occurs in stillness. And this stillness is not a perception. The stillness is not a perception. And then it says that which can be met with recognition is not the realization itself. So you can recognize stillness And that's okay, but the stillness is not the recognition. It's not the perception. So you can say, oh, there was stillness. Well, that's okay. But the stillness that you see is not stillness.

[35:50]

That's why when I'm moving like this, I can realize, wow, there's stillness. Even though I couldn't perceive it, because what I can perceive is this movement. I can't perceive the stillness I'm talking about. It's not a perception. It's peace. And it's not a perception of peace, it's peace. And we can have perceptions of peace, which are usually we feel happy when we see peace. But sometimes we see peace and we're not particularly happy, you know, we just like, sometimes we watch the grasses come up. from the ground and it's very peaceful but we see the peace but we don't even recognize that we're perceiving, I shouldn't say, we don't perceive the peace and yet we're realizing it. So recognizing peace, recognizing stillness is fine but the recognition is not the realization of self.

[36:59]

You can recognize enlightenment, but the recognition of enlightenment is not the realization. But realization doesn't forbid or obstruct recognitions. Yes? I would say stillness is experience. I would say that experience is stillness. However, experience is not the perception of experience. Our life experience is our life. But our perceptions are a limit, are a highly reduced version of our experience.

[38:08]

So the word experience is kind of, it's used in a kind of confusing way in contemporary world. In our current culture, people use experience for perception. It's often. But perception is just a very reduced version of our life experience. So I would say actually that experience is stillness. Stillness is experience. And perception seems to be movement and then a lack of movement. But stillness is not exactly a lack of movement. Stillness is actually the experience of movement. So when I was moving my hand and I somehow realized stillness, it's kind of like I realized moving my hand. The experience of moving my hand is so great that it includes

[39:13]

not moving my hand. So yeah, stillness. You could say, in stillness, mind and objects enter realization and go beyond enlightenment. You could also say, in experience, in our actual life experience, mind and objects merge in realization and go beyond enlightenment. So stillness is, I would say, is almost a synonym for experience. In order to take care of the teaching of justice, in order to take care of it, we practice.

[40:19]

But since what I think practice is not practice itself, the more I want, I try to practice sincerely or wholeheartedly, still I may be missing the point of practice. Well, the conclusion of her words was, how can I know I'm practicing it? I feel like when you say, how can I know, I feel like you're saying, how can I recognize it? So, you cannot actually know you're practicing it. It's too wonderful to be known in the way of usual knowing. However, when we practice it, we are at peace. And again, when we are at peace, we don't necessarily recognize that we are at peace, but we are.

[41:28]

So we also say, when Buddhas are truly Buddhas, they don't necessarily know that they're Buddhas. Yeah, just like Buddha includes everything you mentioned. Well, even though I don't know what going away from practice is, I do know that I think I'm going away from practice. Even though I don't know what generosity is, I do think that I forgot to practice it.

[42:33]

And when I think that I forgot to practice it, then I can say, oh, I'm sorry, and now I try to remember again. So now I'm trying to remember, but does that mean I know that I am practicing it? No. Because practicing generosity, I do not grasp while I'm practicing it that I am practicing it. I just say I want to and I'm trying. So these practices which we consciously know about, we can endeavor to do them. We can endeavor to be with them. But when they're reworking, we don't need to know anymore that we're doing them. Just like when you're riding a bicycle, skillfully, you don't need anymore to know that you're riding it. You could, but it's not necessary because you're doing all the things necessary to ride properly.

[43:49]

So I think your question at the end, how can I know? I would say that question is kind of like doubt. And that doubt is, I think, yeah, it's a normal, how can I know, or I don't really know. So instead of how can I know, like, get it, more like, actually, I don't really know if I'm practicing. I don't really know if I'm a Zen priest. I want to be, but I don't really know what a Zen priest is. How can I know that I'm a Zen priest? Well, I can't tell you how you'll know that you're a Zen priest, but I would tell you that I think that a true Zen priest doesn't know what a Zen priest is.

[44:55]

A true Zen priest doesn't know what a true Zen priest is. Now, I'm not saying I'm a true Zen priest, but I would say I don't know what a true Zen priest is. And I'm also not saying that I'm a bad Zen priest. But I am saying I don't know what a bad Zen priest is. I don't. But I do want to be a Zen priest who doesn't know what a Zen priest is, and I am that. I'm becoming that Zen priest. Day by day, every day, I'm more a Zen priest who doesn't know what a Zen priest is. Some days I had setbacks and I think I know what a Zen priest is. And on those days, hopefully you're not around. Because at that time I'm sort of dangerous.

[45:58]

That's called being self-righteous. Do you know that term, Yuki? Self-righteous. I know what a Zen priest is. So watch out. And if I notice that, I'd say, stay away from me today. I got a problem. I know what a Zen priest is. Yes and yes. Could you come up closer, please? You're so far away. Okay, thank you. A perspective on practicing stillness when self-judgment arises? Yeah, be still with it.

[47:02]

Be still with self-judgment. Yes. Yes. And I will try to be still with your example. Sometimes in the practice of meditation or day-to-day living, I find myself wanting to practice non-attachment to the experience of happening. And could be somebody trying to argue with me or create conflict. Okay. That's a good example of a good challenge. So he's in a conversation with someone. And he's feeling he doesn't want to be reactive.

[48:08]

Is that right? That's one thing you feel. So I'm talking to somebody, like I'm talking to you right now, and I might suddenly feel like, I don't want to be reactive. So, I'm with you, and maybe I'm being still with you. And then this thought arises, I don't want to be reactive. So then I would be still with that. I wouldn't say, get out of here, I don't want to be reactive. No. I'm with him. The thought, I don't want to be reactive, arises. I'd be still with that. I want to be present with him. That thought arises. I want to be still with that thought. I want to be unattached in my conversation with him. That thought arises, I'll be still with that thought. And someone might say, if you're still with these thoughts that way, will you realize non-reactivity?

[49:15]

I think so. Will you realize non-attachment? I think so. Will you realize peace? I think so. Will you be able to respond beneficially to the person? I think so. And again, when each of those thoughts arose, you did respond with stillness. In my case, my example, you responded with stillness in each case. You were with the person in each case. While this stuff's coming up in your mind. Now what about you give examples of what they say? Like let's say, maybe they say, you're my enemy. You're still with that. You're helpful to me. You're still with that. So I told many times the story I heard when I was a young man of a Zen priest who was being attacked unjustly. He was being treated unjustly. And he just was still with it and said, asodesuka, which means in Japanese, oh, this is happening, huh?

[50:25]

And then... people found out that he was not guilty of this crime and they came to him and they praised him for not defending himself. They praised his stillness. And they said, you're the greatest Zen priest. Brackets, you're so still. And he said, oh, is that so? So, he showed that no matter what people give him, he meets it in stillness, and there's peace. And also, no matter what, which is similar to whatever is arising in our mind about someone, we meet it with peace. So inwardly and outwardly, we meet with peace, meet with stillness, and realize peace. Don't try to stop thinking this or stop... meet whatever.

[51:27]

And again, this is difficult because the place where these things are appearing is consciousness, which everything's swirling around. So it's hard to be present. But not impossible. And we aspire to this not impossible skill. And not impossible could also be called possible. We can learn this, maybe. You're welcome. Yes? They're kind of the same. Yeah, stillness and silence are the same. Yeah. We have three kinds of karma. So in consciousness is where karma occurs. It's an awareness where somebody seems to be there.

[52:31]

And there's these actions, the three types of actions, thinking, speaking, and gestures. So, in the Zendo, when we're sitting, we sit still, but also we're silent. So in the vocal karma, silence. In the physical, postural karma, vocal karma is physical and posture is physical, they're both physical. And so we're basically silent with the one and still with the other. But they're both kind of like stillness. And then we have our thinking. And that young man gave example, like you're thinking, oh, I want to be non-reactive. That thought arises. So with that thought, it's actually, that thought is almost like words, right?

[53:36]

So you're silent with those words and you're still with those words. Like the thought, I want to be non-reactive. You don't say, oh, you're stupid, you'll never be able to do it. Before you resist the thinking in your head, listen to it. So when thought arises in mind, before you resist it, before you do anything about it, without moving at all, just listen to it. So with your thinking, your gestures, and your speech, all three, you're just present. which again includes generosity, ethics and so on. So you're silent and still. When you hear something before you talk back, you listen to it. First you listen, and you listen in silence.

[54:41]

Like now, you were just listening in silence. And then when I make some sound, maybe you can continue to listen in silence. And then when you start talking, maybe you can continue to listen in silence. Like now, can I listen in silence while I'm talking to you? It's not easy, but I can learn it. And, yeah. It's a good practice to be silent while you're talking to people. And be still while you're dancing with people. Thank you very much for being still and silent.

[55:41]

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