I request that the last maybe four people back there, if you could come and put your chairs in the aisle here. See you up there. See you closer. Come here. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, thank you. Are there any more chairs? There's three more, there's three out there. And you can put those three out there in the aisle over here. Thank you. Thank you. See more, please, a few more. Three more people in the back. Would you invite that person to come in that door there, please? Yeah.

[01:13]

There's one more chair, if anyone needs it. I noticed that the title of this series of meetings was something like stories of intimate communication. Did anybody see something like that? Is that what it said? Did it say anything more? It said more things. What did it say? I don't remember. It might have said something about the Blue Cliff record. Did it? It said something about the jewel mirror samadhi, too? Oh, good. It promised something about the song of the jewel mirror samadhi? Okay. I like to follow the advertisements.

[02:13]

There is a song called the song of the precious mirror samadhi. And it starts out by something like this in English. The teaching of suchness, intimately communicated, Buddhas and ancestors. Now you have it. Take care and protect it. hold it, cherish it, take care of it. That's how the song starts. So that song, in the first part of the song, speaks of this intimate,

[03:23]

This intimate entrustment. Intimate mutual entrustment. As I said yesterday, it speaks of a holy communion. And I suggest that, you know, we have this expression here, Zazen. And za means sitting. And zen, I would suggest to you, although I'm not telling you what zen is yet, I don't tell you what zen is until I say what it is, but that's not telling you what it is. Zen is a holy communion. So za, zen means sitting, holy communion. Buddha ancestors.

[04:32]

That's what Buddha ancestors are. Buddha ancestors are living, holy communion. So again, we could say, we could think, oh, Buddha ancestors had holy communion with each other and also with all living beings. So, Zen meditation is sitting with that communion of Buddhas with each other. But another way to say it is, it's sitting with the holy communion which is the Buddhas. It's not like the Buddhas are one thing and the holy communion is another. Buddhas are this holy communion. This intimate transmission.

[05:36]

And so, sitting intimate communication. That's one of the names for our practice. Sitting Holy Communion. You could say sitting with Holy Communion, but it's actually Holy Communion sitting. or Holy Communion, stillness. Or in stillness, there is Holy Communion. And this Holy Communion is you could say, I could say, you could listen, this Holy Communion is Buddha's. That's what Buddha's are, Holy Communion. And these Buddhas, this realm of Buddha is inconceivable.

[06:48]

And the stillness, in which this Holy Communion is occurring, the stillness in which this intimate entrustment is living, the stillness is also inconceivable. If you start singing of the joy of this Holy Communion, you also say that this Holy Communion is not a perception. The Holy Communion is the intimacy of all perceptions with each other. Like, for example, I could have the perception

[07:57]

that you're not helping me, and you could have the perception, I'm helping you. Like someone told me recently, that someone came up to him in the kitchen here at Green Gulch and said something to him, and he had the perception that this person was not helping him. But I imagine that the person thought that he was helping him. So my perception that I'm helping you or not helping you is my perception that I am or I'm not. And your perception that I am or I'm not is your perception. My perception and your perception are not this holy intimacy. Intimacy is the intimacy of my perception which is different from your perception. Or my perception that's the same as your perception.

[09:03]

But it's not our perceptions. It's the inconceivable intimacy of our perceptions. All my perceptions, like it or not, are intimate with yours. Sometimes I might not like that, that all your perceptions are intimate with mine. I can't, my perceptions cannot get away from yours. Even though my perceptions are trying to be their own thing, yours are part of the way mine are arising, and vice versa. But actually I I aspire to the intimacy of our perceptions. I wouldn't say I like it, and I wouldn't say I dislike it, although I might.

[10:06]

But mainly I'm aspiring to realize the intimacy of your mind and my mind. And the intimacy of your mind and my mind is always the case. So I'm not trying to make intimacy, I'm trying to realize it. I'm trying to sit and be still with the intimacy in hopes that the intimacy will soon be realized. This intimacy is intimately given, and you have it. Now, how do you take care of it? Well, one way to say it is to practice stillness, because that's where the intimacy is living.

[11:12]

So we sit, and when we sit, we sit still. And we sit still when we stand also, and we sit still when we walk. We're always still. But the way we're always still is inconceivable. So the way we practice is that we practice stillness in the realm of perception. So I'm practicing in the realm of perception sitting still right now. When I walk, I remember stillness while I'm walking. And I have the perception that I'm remembering stillness while I'm walking. When I'm sitting, I have the perception I'm remembering stillness. But what I'm remembering is the idea stillness.

[12:17]

But by remembering the idea of stillness, and practicing the idea of stillness, and transmitting the idea of stillness, I also remember the stillness that's inconceivable, and practice the stillness that's inconceivable, and transmit the stillness which is inconceivable. And therein I remember the intimacy I practice the intimacy. I transmit the intimacy. Or in the remembering, in the practicing, there is the transmit. This is za. This is stillness. Za, stillness. Intimate communication. and all the things that are described as going on in this intimate communication, it's the same with those.

[13:30]

For example, in this intimate communication there is an unceasing effort. It never stops. It's always changing. It's totally dynamic. It's an unceasing activity to free all beings so they may dwell in peace. That's going on. in this community. In order to realize it, the instruction is, be still. You don't have to go someplace to enter this. But you do need, I guess, what's the word? Faith. Faith that this inconceivable Holy Communion is what you want to give your life to. And that you want to give your life to the reality of your life.

[14:35]

So it doesn't make sense to move. If you move, you distract yourself from where you already are. You already are in this intimate communion. But if you turn away or touch, although you cannot get away from it, you're distracted from it. You don't remember it. And then if you don't remember it, you might miss the chance to practice it. And so on. So, I wish... to remember the stillness in which this communion, in which this communication is living. And I wish to join the effort where all beings will enter this communion and be free and realize peace.

[15:43]

And the song of the precious mirror, Samadhi, the song is about the precious mirror, which is an image of this intimacy. That you, all of you, are a precious mirror for me. All of us are a precious mirror for you. or rather, through understanding your intimacy with us, you're looking at the precious mirror. And then we're singing about that mirror, but we're also singing about a samadhi, which is a state of awareness which remembers this mirror, which remembers this intimacy. It's a state of not being distracted, from this intimate communion. It's an undistracted mental one-pointedness.

[17:02]

So part of the practice is to remember the teaching of suchness, to remember that the teaching of suchness is an intimate communion, but also to remember to develop remembering, samadhi. And not just remembering, but remembering in a concentrated, relaxed, open, mentally one-pointed way. So the awareness is also an awareness where what is knowing and what is known are one point. So it's an awareness that realizes intimacy in that concentration. And that concentration then is contemplating the teaching of intimacy. So we sing the song of praise of the concentrated, intimate awareness of the intimacy.

[18:10]

So there's a concentration and the wisdom are joined. As is often the case, the case I looked at, which is sort of the next case to look at, was about, guess what? Yeah, guess what? Intimate communication. How convenient. I have some confidence that if we go through this book, this is case number seven of 100 stories.

[19:15]

I should say 100 cases. So there's 100 main cases in this collection. And then there's maybe two or three hundred more stories in the commentary to these 100 in this set of books. So now this is case number seven. And I guess that if we went through the rest of the book, each case would also be a case of intimate communion. That each one of these stories is about intimate communion. I guess that's what I would see. And if anybody else sees something different, you're welcome to tell me about it. So this one starts, this is called Wei Chao's, Wei Chao's, or Wei Chao asks about Buddha.

[20:18]

That's the name of the story. Another name of the story is, Wei Chao asks about Buddha. No, asks about self. A monk named Hui Chao in China asked Fanyin, which means Dharma, eyes. A monk named Hui Chao asks Dharma Eye Master, What is Buddha? Dharma Eye says, You are Hui Chao.

[21:34]

In the story, the teacher did not tell the student that he was Buddha. The teacher told the student, you are you. You are you is quite an intimate situation. Have you noticed? Did you perceive how intimate you are you is? Well, if you didn't, it's okay. Because if you do perceive that you are you is intimate, that's just a perception. But the actuality of the intimacy of you being you, that is Buddha. There is a holy communion of you being you. There is a holy communion of Hui Chao being Hui Chao. And there's a holy communion between Fa Nyen and Hui Chao.

[22:53]

Hui Chao asks Fa Nyen a question. Fa Nyen answers. There's the intimacy there, too, which I could perceive or not. I imagine some people might hear this story and now be kind of, wow, how intimate they are. Did you see how intimate they were? Look as the teacher, what is Buddha? Do you see how intimate that is? Maybe some people like, wow, how intimate. In other words, they might perceive it or they might even not perceive it and still say, wow. And I say, why do you say wow? And they say, I don't know. I didn't perceive any intimacy and yet I know." How wonderful it is that students ask questions. And not only that, but sometimes then the teachers respond. Wow! But again, it's my perception of the intimacy in the story, which I did have, is not the intimacy.

[24:05]

But my perception doesn't hurt me. In this case, it encourages me to be still. My perception encourages me to be still with my perception. And being still with my perception, I'm ready to realize the imperceptible intimacy that this story is encouraging. The imperceptible intimacy which we realize by remembering to be still with all stories. There's more stories about Fa Yan. I don't know all of them.

[25:07]

But I know a few, and it just so happens that all the ones I know seem to be about Holy Communion. I might have read some other ones and just couldn't remember them. So there might be ones that maybe they're not about this. But I know some other ones that are also about this intimacy. Intimacy between me and me, intimacy between you and you, intimacy between you and me. All these different intimacies are intimate with each other. None of the intimacies are left out. But two of the key ones are you and yourself. That's one of the main ones, because you and yourself is non-stop. Whereas, and also you with me is non-stop too.

[26:15]

But you can't always remember me, but you always can remember, or maybe you can remember me, but anyway, I guess they're not really two different types. But this story, anyway, is about intimacy between the student and the teacher. The student wants to know what Buddha is. In other words, the student wants to know what intimacy is. But the student doesn't know yet what he wants to know about his intimacy, so he asks about Buddha. But maybe he does know that he's asking about intimacy. Maybe he's checking to see if the teacher knows that when he asked about Buddha, he was really asking, what is intimacy? And the teacher says, you are hui chao. And in order to realize that you are hui chao, you need to practice stillness. Before I go on to the one, two,

[27:30]

three, four other teachers I know about, stories I know about Dharma. I will stop now and see if you want to bring anything up, because this class is about stories of intimate communication. So, whatever you want to bring up will be appropriate. Yes? The person who doesn't have her hand raised. Yes, Sarah? So when the teacher says, you are you, and we talk about studying the self as part of the path,

[28:32]

and not be able to ever find the self as a self. Yes. Here's a question. Is the teacher setting the student on paths by saying, You are you, go do some homework about that? It could be, you are you, go do some homework. Or it could be, you are you, don't go anywhere. It could be, you are you, don't move. The story just ends with, you are Huichao. But some people say that that is Huichao's awakening. The teacher didn't need to say, don't move.

[29:38]

He didn't. And because he didn't, somehow the teacher didn't even say, don't move. But he understood. Or he already wasn't. He already was practicing not moving. And from not moving, he asked this wonderful question, what is Buddha? Knowing that what he's really asking is, what am I? By the way, another version of this story is, Oh, no, it's a different story. In a different story, a monk comes and asks Fayan, what is Buddha? And then, in a different story, somebody asks somebody else, what is Buddha? And another version of that same story is, he asks the teacher, what is the self? So sometimes we ask, what is Buddha? And we don't realize we're asking, what is self? Sometimes we ask, what is self?

[30:39]

And we don't realize we're asking Buddha. But from now on, whatever you say, what is the self, you can understand you're asking about Buddha, and vice versa. Whatever you ask about what is Buddha, you're asking about self. And whenever you ask about Buddha, you're asking, what is intimate communion? Yes? Is it true that whenever you're asking about anything outside of you, you're asking about yourself? Yes. And whenever you're asking about something not outside yourself, you're asking about yourself. and you're asking about Buddha. This Holy Communion means that no matter what you do, you cannot ask about anything other than the Holy Communion.

[31:42]

Whatever you say, you're the mouthpiece of Holy Communion, asking questions of yourself. The Holy Communion asking questions through you of itself. We are the organs of intimate transmission. Everything we do is serving this function. But if we forget that this is our job, it seems like, it almost seems like we missed the chance. We didn't really, but... Yes? Or is there some other people? Yes? It would seem And I could be completely off base here, that when, say, something happens and an emotion becomes overwhelming, like irritation, that there is a... In stillness, there's this compassionate disidentification with that emotion, and in there is stillness, or the other way around, I'm not sure.

[32:50]

But this... Is that seeing? When there's a strong emotion, it often happens that there is identification or disidentification. So we've got strong emotion, then we have another strong emotion called identification or disidentification. Where's the compassion? Just being with. Yeah. The compassion is being still with the first emotion. And that doesn't mean that if you're still with this first overwhelming emotion that an identification will not arise. It doesn't mean that that won't happen. But if you can be still with the first shock then that will promote, I say unto you, that will promote being still with the next shock, which is disidentification or identification.

[34:01]

Identification is a shock to the communication. It's a shock. Not really, though. It's a manifestation of the communion that's difficult to be still with. It's challenging to be still when somebody says, you are identified. We got you. That can be quite shocking. But it's actually also kind of like an acupuncture needle being stuck into the stillness and see if the stillness can go, oh, thank you. laughter And not even say, do another one. That was a good one. You got me right in the stillness. And with what? Disidentification.

[35:03]

That's a real pock. It's very poignant. Or how about identification? That's another challenge to the stillness, to the compassion with whatever. So you're compassionate, and then your reward for being compassionate with what's happening, your reward for being still is another shock. Another test. to develop the stillness more and more by meeting more and more shocks with more and more stillness, which means promoting more and more. Holy communion. So we're sitting, we're sitting still with all the outrageous slings and arrows of fortune coming at us and we are still with them all because we want to realize that whatever is coming is the teaching of suchness.

[36:05]

Whatever coming is, inconceivably, whatever is coming is this union in which all suffering is relieved and in which there's a tremendous effort to relieve it. Unceasing effort to relieve it, unceasing relief in this situation. And the situation thrives on insult and attacks and shocks and overwhelm. The compassion thrives on that. You mean that identification and disidentification are the same? They're both kind of shocking. But that identification with stillness is the process of disidentification with your labels and your perceptions?

[37:17]

being still with your labels, being still with your perceptions, opens you to enter the realm of where you are free of these things. But not by like moving the identifications over to disidentifications or vice versa, but simply by being still with these phenomena as a way to realize what you believe in, which is Buddha, which is an intimate... Self. Huh? Which is self. No, it's not self. It's self being self. It's not you. It's you being intimate with you. That's Buddha. So the teacher didn't... When the monk says, what's Buddha? He didn't say, you're Buddha. He said... Paul is Buddha, or you are Paul. He didn't say Paul is Buddha, he said you are Paul, that's Buddha.

[38:20]

And every moment Paul is a different Paul, but every moment the different Paul being the Paul is Buddha. And so Paul has to not look over that way. Paul has... I was thinking over there. Paul has to not move from being Paul. And if you move over there, you have to not move from there, not go there to find out where Paul is. Right. Be still over there. Be still over there. In fact, you will be. Stillness is where you already are. It's a question of remembering, mindful. And when you're mindful, practice it. I predict you will not regret being mindful of stillness. You won't say, darn it, I was still. Because in stillness, mind and objects enter realization and go beyond enlightenment.

[39:33]

And enter realization and go beyond enlightenment. in that stillness. You won't regret it if you practice the stillness. However, it's hard to keep practicing it when these shocks come. And they come in so many varieties Some we never saw before, so it's kind of like, they catch us. I never got praised that way before. I never got insulted that way before. I don't know how to be still with that one. But that's not the end of the story. You say, well, I wasn't still, and I'm sorry. And now I remember, again. And I'm happy to remember. Anything else? Yes. Yes. It's not really a question, it's more an observation.

[40:34]

That's fine. Yesterday I was still, if I remember. You perceived that you were still? Yeah, I perceived that I was still. What I perceived was that I have been looking for this Holy Communion. and I've been looking for it inside myself, and also in communication with other people. So you were looking for Holy Communion? Mm-hmm. Did you say inside yourself? Yeah. Okay. So you're looking for Holy Communion inside yourself, yes? And also looking in relationship to find what I was thinking was intimacy that might be nourishing for me. Wow. And I think in my moment of stillness yesterday, I got a sense that what I was doing was sort of pretending to be calm and intimate with myself and other people to try and manufacture a sort of holy communion from some kind of idea.

[41:52]

Very good that you noticed that. And I just had a moment of true stillness where I was present with myself actually smiling at someone as I passed them. And I got a sense of the nature of my smile. It was very... It was like an idea of intimacy. Yeah, an idea of intimacy. I'm quite embarrassed. I think it's appropriate that you're embarrassed. Because the appropriateness of the embarrassment is that you are not practicing what you want to practice. You aspire to true intimacy and you caught yourself distracting yourself. by trying to get it, by trying to find it.

[43:00]

The true intimacy, if you try to find it, that doesn't always distract you because you could say, I'm trying to find it, but I'm being still with trying to find it. Trying to find it is not being still. Trying to find it is a shock. to being still. But it doesn't mean it will succeed, and to some extent it didn't succeed. There are moments there where your attempt to find intimacy or to manufacture it, you were still with those attempts. And when you were still with them, you opened to the intimacy, to the stillness, which is not your perception. It's a shock. No, at first you're shocked. You're shocked. You are shocked. The stillness was very fleeting because I was shocked by the awareness that the stillness brought.

[44:06]

You were shocked by the awareness of what? I was shocked by my sudden awareness of how, apart from intimacy, I so often am. Yeah. So that's basically what the shocks are, is a sense that we're far from intimacy. That's what the shocks are. Someone comes up to you and does something to you, and it doesn't seem like this is intimacy. So intimacy, again, grows on being still with the perceptions of not intimacy, but it also grows on the perceptions that we are intimate. It grows by being still with the perception that we are intimate. Like sometimes when people are practicing living with other people, they have this perception, intimacy, and they're not still with it.

[45:18]

And because... I shouldn't say they're not still with it, they are still with it, but they forget to join the stillness which is there, and then they're embarrassed. Or they think this is not intimacy, and then they're not still with that. I should say they don't remember stillness with that. And again, it's like they've missed the chance. I guess I'm a bit disappointed that I've been practicing Zazen for 10 years. And I feel I only have fleeting experiences of stillness every once in a while. I hear that you're disappointed that you've been practicing for 10 years.

[46:21]

you only once in a while have what? Have an experience. Ah, an experience. I think what you mean by... No, I have a different story. You have been practicing zazen for ten years, and you have been having the experience of intimacy every single moment. But you occasionally have the perception And you're sad that you occasionally have the perception. So I would use experience as your actual life. So your life has been realizing intimacy from before you started practicing Zazen. So if you're going to be discouraged, maybe you could be discouraged that you haven't got over... I don't know what the word is... addiction to perception of intimacy.

[47:26]

And I think, yeah, you may have to go a little longer before you get over the addiction to the perception of intimacy. But you could also get over it now, tonight. The teaching is not that you occasionally have intimacy, that you occasionally experience it. The teaching is that the teaching of the way things are is intimate experience of communion. And you have it. That's the teaching. It's not you occasionally have it. Do you understand? That's the teaching. If the teaching is not, you occasionally have the experience of intimate entrustment. The teaching is, you have it right now. And in the next moment, it's the same teaching. You have it now. Now you have it. Now you have it. Now you have it. That's the teaching. But the teaching also says, if you get excited, you'll miss it.

[48:36]

And one way to get excited is to think, oh, that was the intimacy. And then you get excited, but actually that was not the intimacy, that was the perception of it. And then if you get excited by the perception, then you may also get depressed when you don't have the perception. So part of our training is to become free of getting excited about the perception of this intimate communication, and also to become free of depression, not of the thought that we don't have it. The thought that we have it, the thought that that was it, the recognition of it, it's not that we want to stop that, it's just that we want to say, Hi, I'm going to be still with you. And then when we have the perception, there isn't any right now.

[49:37]

There's no intimacy that we treat that the same way. But when I don't, then I'm embarrassed, like you. Because deep down, both of us know who we really are. And who we really are is never not intimate. But we have to practice for a long time before we wean ourselves from some dependency on our perceptions of what's most important. Yes? So you're saying that the... And not to harp on this... You don't want to harp? So anyways, you're saying that the perception of it is not important, but then we do... I wouldn't say it's not important. I would just say, if you practice stillness with your perceptions, you open to the realm of communion where you will no longer be addicted to your perceptions.

[50:48]

In other words, you'll be free of suffering. And also you'll be able to transmit this freedom. We're not saying bad things about perceptions, we're just saying don't think that perceptions of anything are the thing. But we tend to fall for that. We tend to get stuck in, that's intimacy and that's not. This is intimacy, But that wasn't... You can get stuck in, this is intimacy, and you can get stuck in, this is not intimacy. By not being still. And again, stillness can be unpacked, it can be elaborated into many practices. Stillness. Generosity, ethics, patience, diligence, concentration and wisdom.

[51:52]

That unpacks what's going on in stillness. But tonight, I'm quoting the song, or a different song, which says, in stillness, this wonderful thing goes on in unconstructedness and stillness. It's immediate realizations. Are you saying that we already know how to be still without learning those different elements of it? No. I'm saying that practicing stillness you will learn those bodhisattva training techniques and practicing those you will learn what stillness is. Yes? When you use the word realization, I have an association with the definition of that word that is something like perception or recognition.

[52:58]

If you say realization of something inconceivable, Yeah, so we're using realization, actually in another one of our songs, it says that which can be met with recognition, that which can be met with recognition is not realization itself. So the word for realization we're using is an inconceivable wisdom. It's a wisdom which knows this inconceivable intimate communion, which is Buddha. But this realization does not tamper with recognitions. It's just that recognitions are not realization itself. Recognitions are basically second-guessing

[54:00]

recognizing, recognizing. Realization is not a recognizing. It has the dimension of understanding and it has the dimension of making real. So realization of intimate communion is making that real. and making it real, we have the resources of it. What's the resource of this intimate communion? The resource is liberation. It's a resource of liberation. We make liberation real by this realization. And there's an understanding there, too. It's not about recognition. But there could be a recognition. That's fine. I mean, it's fine.

[55:12]

It makes things more difficult to have real recognitions because recognitions can distract you from stillness which goes with the realization. So I am saying that that zazen is about an inconceivable unrecognizable reality. Yes. Regarding just the everydayness of being still. Regarding the everydayness of what? Of being still, bringing it forth in moments when you remember. I took somewhat, I guess, from your question and answer session yesterday.

[56:17]

There's also sort of implicitly an understanding that it's not an element of control. It's not invoking a controlled stillness, but rather remembering that there is stillness. Yeah, more like remembering that there, remembering Not even that there is stillness, but remembering stillness. Because stillness that I'm remembering is an inconceivable stillness. And it doesn't fall into the category of there is or there isn't. But the stillness which I can perceive is that there is or there isn't stillness. So I actually maybe sit in the zendo and do a ritual of sitting there and sitting still And while I'm doing this ritual of sitting still, which I can perceive, it reminds me of the stillness which I cannot perceive.

[57:22]

The perceptible sitting still helps me remember the imperceptible sitting still. And the imperceptible sitting still is the way we're all helping each other. The way we're helping each other is stillness. Or you could say it's the great activity of stillness is the way we're helping each other. And we can also do a perceptible stillness as a way to remind us when we're sitting there. We might say, okay, I'm sitting here and I've been sitting here for quite a while. What am I doing here again? Oh yeah, I'm sitting here and paying homage to stillness, to the inconceivable stillness of the Buddha, to the inconceivable stillness of intimate communion. Intimate communion is in stillness, stillness is in the intimate communion.

[58:24]

Yeah. I'm trying to sort of process and register in what way remembering inconceivable stillness, which is inconceivable, reduces or is it in some way an article of faith because inconceivable stillness is by its nature something that you both bodily and intuitively don't understand. And so just the act of remembering it is invoking a faith in its... Yeah. Stillness is an article of faith. Yes. And remembering stillness...

[59:27]

is an act of faith. I'm remembering the articles of faith by remembering stillness. And remembering articles of faith are necessary in order to enter the realm which faith opens onto. In order to enter Buddha's realm, You have articles of faith, and if you remember them and practice them, you enter them. You have teachings which are articles of faith, which are teachings about reality. So when my ordinary consciousness remembers some things, I feel like I'm remembering an article of faith. When my consciousness remembers other things, I think my consciousness is remembering perceptions. And that's a memory of a perception.

[60:33]

This is a memory of a faith. I perceived that we were intimate, I perceived that we weren't. I perceived that you were my friend, I perceived that you weren't. I can remember such things. But it's not my faith to remember my perceptions. My faith is to remember the stillness of all my perceptions. Intimacy. Yes. Doubt? Doubt is part of the remembering. Doubt is part of the practice. So you remember, and then doubt is part of the practice of what you remember, in the case of faith. Go on. I'm just wondering if there's some way to... Or...

[61:38]

If maybe I'm seeing doubt as some kind of like big monster, you know... Well, there's two kinds of doubt. One kind of doubt is a big monster, and the other kind of doubt is a really good challenging friend. So, the second kind of doubt is part of practicing stillness. Can you open this window behind you? Would that be all right? Did you say really? Oh, gee. Friend. Friend. Yeah. So like I also said that to me, wondering about what stillness is, it's like wondering what a Zen student is. I heard Zen students remember stillness.

[62:42]

Well, what stillness? I wonder. What does Zen student? I wonder. And part of my wondering is to doubt that I know what stillness is. And I... Yeah, go ahead. I guess sometimes I... I just feel like I'm being dragged down by that doubt. But I don't know what... Tell me about the doubt. Tell me what doubt you're talking about. Maybe it's a monster doubt. What is that monster doubt? I don't know. Like the table being turned sideways and everything falling off. The table's not even there. So when the table gets turned sideways and things fall off, you feel dragged down by that?

[63:46]

I don't know if any of these words... Yeah, I don't know either. Is that what you're talking about? You're dragged down with that? Something's dragging you down? Or I am dragging down? Yeah, I am dragging down, something's dragging me down, and at that time it seems like it might be difficult to remember being still. Yes. Be still? Be still, be still? Uh-huh, yeah. Be still? Uh-huh. Be still? How much farther am I going to go? We'll see. Yeah. So I'm proposing to you Yeah. I'm proposing to you the teaching of remembering to be still when you get pulled down to remember to be still.

[64:50]

Or not, no, no, take it back, take it back. Don't remember to be still, take it back. Remember stillness. Because maybe when you're being dragged down, it might be that you get dragged back up. So don't try to make yourself still with the being dragged down. Because it may be open. The dragging down may be open. You don't have to be still with it. I should say you don't have to try to be still with it. In other words, the stillness is generous. You're generous with the being dragged down. You're careful with the being dragged down. You're patient with the being dragged down. That's part of being still with it. And to remember to be still is to remember to be generous and so on.

[65:55]

So, remembering stillness and then stuff comes like it dried down. And then you practice the stillness with the perception, with the thought, I'm being dragged down, or I'm dragging down. You practice with it. And do you know how to practice with it now? You don't look like you do. Do you know how to be still with it? Do you know how to be generous? I don't know. Do you know how to be ethical? No?

[67:05]

Do you know how to be patient? Pardon? Maybe. Maybe, yeah. Well, anyway, you don't have to know how to do any of that stuff to practice them. You don't have to know about them. But do you wish? Do you wish to practice with them? Even though you have doubt about what they are. I wonder, what is generosity? I actually... by being what I call literal. I wonder what generosity is. I wonder what ethics are. I wonder what patience is. Do I know what they are? They're inconceivable. The reality of generosity is inconceivable. And I want to practice it. Do you? Do you... I guess I'm still here.

[68:14]

Well, if you're here and you don't want me to keep asking you if you want to practice generosity, let me know. Otherwise, I might ask you again and again and again and again. And not to get you to say yes, but just to find out what you want to do with your life. When you're being dragged down, what do you want to do? When I'm being dragged down, I wish to be generous. I wish to be still with being dragged down. I wish to be careful. You wish to be still or you wish to remember stillness? Pardon? You wish to be still with being dragged down or you wish to remember stillness? I wish to remember stillness. I wish to remember generosity. I wish to remember ethics. I wish to remember patience. I wish to remember diligence. I wish to remember stillness and openness and relaxation.

[69:23]

I wish to remember the inconceivable intimacy of Buddha when I'm going down and up. What do you wish? What do you want? But I don't know what these things are, so if you don't know, you have company. And matter of fact, you have a lot of company, because nobody knows what these things really are. Everybody's with you in this practice. But if you don't want to join it, then, What do you want to do? You do want something, I suppose. You look like a human. Humans want things. And Buddhas want things too. What Buddhas want is they want to open people to this intimacy.

[70:27]

They want to open people to this communion. And then they want to demonstrate it. And then they want people to wake up to it and enter it. Open, see it, be still with it, enter it. That's what they want. What do you want? What do you want? So, what is Buddha? You are Stephen. You are Justin. You are Zach. Seth. You are Seth. You are Seth. I think so. the teaching of suchness, intimate communion, Buddhas and ancestors.

[72:47]

All this does not appear within perception because it is unconstructedness in stillness. It is immediate realization. Now you have it. And I dare to say, please take care of it. However, if you don't want to, I accept that. After I suggest that you take care of it, you can say, I don't want to. I totally want to be still with that. I want to remember to be still if you say, I don't want to practice stillness. And there's quite a few people who would say that to me, who I really adore.

[73:49]

Some of them call me granddaddy. And they did not want to take care of the teaching of suchness. They do not want to take care of the intimate communion. And they are a great opportunity for stillness. All of you are too.

[74:26]

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