October 2011 talk, Serial No. 03892
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It occurred to me that I might offer some instruction in walking meditation. There are many, many ways of doing walking meditation. But one way that we often do in Zen meditation halls It's actually called in Japanese kin-hin, which means to circulate the scripture or circulate the teaching. The Chinese word for scripture, jing, which you've probably heard of, like the I Ching and the Tao Te Ching.
[01:02]
The word Ching means scripture or sacred text. But its root meaning is thread. And the Sanskrit word for scripture is sutra. And the word sutra also means thread, etymologically. They're related to word like so that the word sutra is related to the word suture. So it refers to the thread that you put through pieces, originally through pieces of text to hold them together. And the Chinese also had the same idea of putting a thread through the different pages of the text. So the thread is that holds the text together. It also has the meaning of the thread of the teaching that goes through the text.
[02:03]
I think the Western word scripture is more related to scratching, like script. The root of the word script is to scratch. You know, early texts of scratching on stone. But the word scripture and the word sutra are different etymologies. So the walking meditation is kind of like taking the thread of the teaching around the room, around the land. So the sense of receiving the teaching of meditation and walking around it. And one way to do this is an exercise of synchronizing the walking with the breathing. And in this way of doing walking meditation, usually we just recommend just breathe naturally as you wish, and then tune into your breathing.
[03:13]
Or maybe another way to say it is first stand up and then have your feet about the distance of your shoulders apart with one foot ahead of the other one about a half a foot length so that the toe of the back foot is at the instep of the front foot. And then and then Check into your breathing. And just notice your breathing. And you may shift your weight onto your lead foot. And then as you notice an inhale starting, start to lift the back of your back foot with the inhale. And when the inhale ends and the exhale starts, then step. Begin the step with the beginning of the exhale.
[04:19]
And continue to exhale while you shift more and more your weight onto your lead foot. And then when the exhale's done, you get a lot of weight on your lead foot. So now when the inhale starts, it's easy to lift the back foot. And then when you finish the inhale, again, start the exhales. So the walking follows the breathing, and in this way it's kind of easy to be with your breathing and your posture. And then also in this way you may discover the stillness in the middle of the movement, so that even though you're walking, it feels almost as still as sitting. And some people find that it's easier to be aware of the breath when they're doing walking meditation than sitting, because sitting, you're following your... The thing that you're coordinating with your breathing when you're sitting is your stillness.
[05:26]
So, you know, you can be still without coordinating it with your breathing, and vice versa. But when you're walking, since the breathing, since the walking's following the breathing, it's kind of is sort of active. It's like when you're swimming, to crawl you sort of have to be somewhat aware of your breathing. Otherwise you have problems with your nose and stuff. So that's a way of doing walking meditation. It's very slow. I shouldn't say very slow. It's slow because you're just taking a step with each breath. Another way is just walk Just walk at whatever rate you want to. And then after you walk for a while, start to notice your breathing. And then you can just count the number of steps you take on an inhale.
[06:30]
And then count the number of steps you take on an exhale. So right now I'm walking in a way that as I count the number of steps on inhale, generally there's like three steps on inhale, and I'm walking it this way. And that was five steps on an exhale. So I'm walking, and I'm watching my breath, and you see how many steps I take. That's another way to do it. Okay, again, it kind of joins your... your awareness to your body and to your breathing while you're walking. And if you walk faster, then there'll be more steps per breath, probably. But if you start walking really fast after running, then sometimes it's like... it's like one step per breath. You start breathing faster as you walk faster.
[07:34]
So, you know, you could also do it when you're running, but... Yeah, you could also do running meditation with your breath, too. I also want to mention that someone yesterday brought up that I did, I offered some classes or some talks on meditating on what's called death koans, or stories of death in the Zen tradition. And they said, would you consider offering such a seminar, such a class, such a retreat again, where you look at some stories of the death of the ancestors, and also modern deaths, too? So I'm considering that. So let me know if you'd like to send word to me if you'd like me to do such a course, or any other suggestions of things you'd like me to do. Let me know. including flying a kite.
[08:38]
I do have a kite, so I know if I could fly it. Also, when the suggestion of offering a retreat on death koans came up, I just thought about, you know, some of those death koans, and I just thought about sitting and announcing to your friends and students that you would be dying this afternoon. Now, the people who have made these announcements and actually followed through on them on schedule, one would think that these are probably rather experienced yogis who, in their sitting, may have had some sense of intimacy with, you know, the threshold of death as they're sitting.
[09:49]
It's a place where you're exhaling where You know, it could be the last one. Kind of like play with that edge of like, how about this being the last one? Maybe not. Maybe I should announce that I'm going to do the last one and see if anybody has any feedback on that. Traditionally, there's a practice of asking Buddhas to stay. So anyway, it's kind of interesting meditation just to sort of sit and say, well, how about dying during this period of meditation? How would that be? I was once in a situation like that. I wasn't sitting, I was out in the Pacific Ocean, swimming. And I... I wanted to go back into the beach but I wasn't able to get back to the beach because the wave action was keeping me away from the beach.
[10:57]
Is that called undertow? Yeah. Undertow. Is it a riptide that moves you down the coast? Yeah. I didn't know about riptides and I really didn't know about undertow either. However, when I was out there I looked at the beach in San Francisco and I saw this big sign on the firewall, on the seawall, which said, dangerous undertow, no swimming. But you only see it when you look back. And I didn't get... I think that it was okay for you to try to keep swimming. I don't get to that. You're telling me you don't swim. Or whatever, anyway, I thought, you know, I wasn't nasty about it and saying, why didn't you tell me this earlier? I just noticed, oh, maybe I'm in an undertow. Maybe that's what this is. I came to San Francisco from Minnesota, and we don't have undertow in Minnesota. So I said, maybe this is undertow.
[12:00]
And then I thought... And at one point I thought, well, maybe I'm not going to be coming back to the show. You know, I looked at the shore, and I saw that I couldn't get in, and I looked out at the ocean, and it was just kind of like undulating, this big, it wasn't real rough, it was kind of smooth water, but it was just calmly undulating, and I thought, well, it's kind of up to you, sister, my mom. I could just see that, you know, whatever this ocean wants to do with me with what was going to happen, because I had this agenda to go back to the shore and the ocean and say, no, that's not going to happen here. You're staying out here with me. And I came to this conclusion by trying to get in and not being able to get in. And I also yelled for help, but no one could hear me over the sound of the waving my hands. Nobody saw that either. So nobody knew I was out there having any trouble. And I went with some friends, and somehow I knew what they thought I was doing.
[13:02]
But I could see them, and they were having a nice conversation and not hearing me. And at a certain point, I noticed that there was a certain kind of swimming, which made me more tired. And I realized if I kept swimming like that, I would die soon. I would drown. So I gave up that kind of swimming. I gave up swimming, and I was just out there in the water. And I had a feeling like maybe it wasn't really the time for me to die, but maybe it was. I just felt like it wasn't something to struggle against. That would obviously kill me. I could feel that. So I was out there, and I don't know how long I was out there exactly. After that, less than an hour, probably less than 45 minutes, but pretty long. And then at some point, I guess I got moved down to the beach to those little rivers that go in.
[14:06]
So it's churning like this, and then there's other places where the water sort of runs in a thin little layer. Do you have a name for that? Anyway, if you look at the water from the dog, you can actually see the smooth part that's in the waves. It's not churning. I guess I got moved down to one of those places and moved in on that because I suddenly felt myself hit the sand. I was kind of like I was in some kind of unusual state out there of surrender. But then I felt my feet hit the sand. The waves, there was a little bit of waves that threw me down below the water to hit the sand. And I kind of woke up and I thought, well, if that happens again, I'm going to push. I didn't think when I started swimming, it didn't occur to me to swim. sort of given up on swimming. But since my legs touched the ground, I thought, well, maybe I'll use my legs just to push off the sand. So the next time it threw me down to the sand, it pushed me forward.
[15:11]
I did that two or three times, and then I was in water where I could crawl. So I crawled out of the water. So it was interesting being out there. And I enjoy actually contemplating death in sitting and sort of considering what's the story on this. I think it's an interesting practice, which I think could help us, if we practice this, would help us be awake as we approach the conditions of death. non-hysterical, not frightened, fairly a calm presence in the face of conditions which could lead to death. But still, I felt when I felt this thing, I thought, well, I'm going to go for it.
[16:15]
I'm going to go for life. And I got out of the water, and I was in pain. I don't know. I don't think I swallowed a lot of water. I think that I was in a lot of pain. And I felt, oh, this is maybe just like the pain of birth, in a way. I was comfortable out there. And then just going for life again was kind of uncomfortable. And I was just laying on the beach for some reason, just laying on the beach with my face in the sand. And a dog came over and urinated on me. Get one of you up. And a little girl, a little boy, I think, a little boy said, Mommy, is he dead? And his mom said, I think so. And I don't think anybody touched me. I don't remember. I don't remember it. But I felt touch was painful.
[17:20]
And then I heard the siren, which I thought, well, maybe that's an ambulance coming to get me. And I thought, I don't want to go to the hospital. I want to be here on the beach. I don't want them to put me in a truck and take me to the hospital and bring me into an emergency room and do tests on me. I didn't feel like I needed it, and I didn't want to go on a ride. I just wanted to be on the beach and be alive. So I got up and walked north. to where I went into the water. And my friends didn't know where I had been, but they could tell that I looked kind of funny. And one of them looked at me and said, you're really lucky. And I didn't ask him what he meant, but I didn't think he meant I was lucky to live.
[18:25]
I thought he meant I was lucky to see what a great thing life is, actually. It's something to let go of at a certain point, actually. As a matter of fact, it's something to let go of right now if possible. I think it's really a good thing to let go of. And sometimes, usually, or anyway, often when you let go of it, you realize even more how wonderful it is. And that was what happened there. I kind of let go of it a little. And then the price of readmission was kind of painful and embarrassing. humbling but after letting go of it for quite a while I was I was astounded what an amazingly amazing thing it is to be alive and to be in the midst in a city like San Francisco with other people who are alive walking around many of them not noticing that the primary thing that's going on is that we're alive and lipstick is kind of secondary and the clothes you're wearing to work
[19:33]
And whether you're wearing a dress or a suit, that's kind of secondary. The main thing is just we're alive here, folks. And I used to, for several days, I'd ride in the bus and I'd watch people and they just didn't look like they realized what an amazing thing we were doing together. So anyway, it's nice to come up close to death and not be attached to it, not be afraid of it, and also not be attached to life and not be afraid of losing it. It's really invigorating. And it's a little bit dangerous, but not doing it is also dangerous, because then we sometimes forget or lose touch with what an amazing opportunity this is Life is so great, and also when we're alive as humans, we can receive teachings about how to use this life in a way to help other people who are kind of missing out on it. So many people are missing out on it because they don't have skills to face the difficulties.
[20:37]
So, if you want me to meditate on death with you, let me know. I wrote down here two names of Chinese, two famous Chinese Zen masters to make a long story short. One's name is Guishan. The other's name is Xiangyan. Xiangyan. Our Guishan is the name of a Zen master who lived on a mountain called Guishan. Gui-man. A great Zen master. And this person here, Xiangyan, and Xiangyan means, by the way, it means fragrant cliff.
[21:42]
That's his name. Also, the next part of his name means Wisdom Barricade, or the Barricade of Wisdom or the Barricade to Wisdom. I don't know when he got this name, but as you'll see later, it's kind of an auspicious name for the practice that was given to him. So Xiangyang was a... a brilliant scholar of Chinese and Buddhist philosophy and teachings. And even though he was brilliant and studied, he still felt he didn't understand really what life was about. And he went to meet this teacher, Guishan, and asked Guishan
[22:46]
basically for some instruction about the meaning of this life situation. And I think Guizhen said to Xiangyan, I don't know, he said, I'm not too interested in getting involved in your great learning. I just would like you to tell me something about yourself before your parents were born. So in a sense, what the Guishan gave to Xiaoyang was like a wisdom obstacle, a wisdom barrier for him to work on. And so actually, so Xiangyuan tried to answer Guishan's request, tried to show him the self or his self before his parents were born, and nothing that he offered to Guishan did Guishan say, oh yeah, thank you, that's what I was looking for.
[24:06]
He tried really sincerely to discover or understand what the self before a parent's born is, but he just couldn't satisfy the teacher and he gave up. He got discouraged and gave up and thought, he's kind of discouraged. He didn't completely give up. He left Guishan. And he went to study, he went to one of the memorial sites for one of the great masters that was like two or three generations before Guizhan. There was a memorial to this great national teacher who was also a Zen master. His name was National Teacher Jung. And so he went to this, that memorial site, and he set up a little hut near the memorial site of the grave master. And he lived there, and he kind of took care of the ancestors' memorial site.
[25:25]
He tidied it up, you know. These are outdoor memorial sites, right? And leaves fall, and dust blows, and rain falls, and various kinds of debris would accumulate around the memorial site. So he would just tidy it up. And that was about all he was doing. He wasn't studying texts anymore, which he'd done a lot of, just living quietly with an ancestor's memorial site. So I myself, I actually, in a sense, part of my life is to live near the ancestors' memorial site. So living at a Zen temple, when you live at a Zen temple like I do, you're in some sense living near an ancestors' memorial site, because my teacher founded the place, and his memorial site is where I live.
[26:32]
So I take care of the temple, one of the people who takes care of the temple which means i take care of the ground the garden i tidy up where i live and i take care of the people practicing there this is my way of in a sense taking care of the memorial site of the ancestors and so this guy was doing that too so part of Part of breaking through the obstacles to wisdom is to take care of the ancestors, to take care of the memorial sites. The thing of what you're doing is paying homage and paying thanks to the people who have transmitted the teaching to you that you don't understand. But if a teacher keeps giving you a teaching and you keep being devoted to the teacher, you will understand the teaching. Eventually. You might even understand that's wrong. And the teacher might say, very good.
[27:33]
He discovered that this was all a trick. Anyway, that's what he did. And I don't know how long he did that. But one day when he was sweeping, tidying up around the ancestor's memorial site, a piece of pebble or some piece of trash flew away from his rake and flew over and hit some bamboo nearby and went... When he heard the sound, the obstacle to wisdom dropped away. He entered into... the self before your parents were born. And he felt a great encouragement and relief from his doubts and his troubles. And he simultaneously felt great gratitude to his teacher.
[28:42]
So he changed out of his work clothes, put on his full Sunday best, his enlightenment best, and turned and faced in the direction of his teacher and did prostrations, thanking his teacher for this teaching that he didn't understand of the self before the parents were born. And then he went on to continue his practice, and that took the form of him being a teacher to many people. And then the people came to him, and he gave them obstacles like that. Obstacles like his teacher gave him, he gave people challenges to their to their dualistic mind, to their deluded mind, challenges. And he probably demonstrated to them how to practice in such a way that you're open to insight into these wisdom challenges.
[29:58]
And later I will give you an example of one of these teachings he gave. But now I'd just like to ask if you have any feedback on the retreat or on this world of suffering or anything that you care to offer now before I die. I appear to be alive. Yes. I appear to be alive in a dualistic way. My life appears to be somehow different from your life It's not true. Yes. You were teaching earlier about how the Pormitans lay the groundwork for the Enlightenment experience, facilitated it. They lay the groundwork and facilitate it, and also they're the fruit of it. So they both are the ground for it and the fruit of it.
[31:04]
That made me think of this, there's this film on A Shade in My Glass, and this guy's talking, and he's saying, well, he was, like, taking all his drugs and doing all this bad stuff, and then he had this big opening experience. And it was like, he said, I didn't want to change. I didn't do anything to change. I didn't want to be one of those straight people, but boom, it dared to happen. And so what about cases like that where it seems to be open and it seemed to happen without not the part of the years that any ground were just... We call that, what's called either, it's called, literally it's called a, I mean the technical term is Pratyekabuddha. And Pratyekabuddha means, according to conditions. So it's an enlightened being who awoke according to conditions. And that means conditions other than obviously studying with the Buddhists.
[32:08]
So there's two kinds of non... non-Bodhisattva sages. One's called Prajegha Buddha or someone who's awakened according to conditions other than what you can see as listening to the teachings of the Buddhas. And the other kind of sage are called the listeners or the hearers. And those are beings who you can see, oh, they listen to the teachings of the Buddha. Either they live with the Buddha and heard the Buddha directly or they've heard in succeeding generations, they've heard the teachings of the Buddha, they heard them, [...] and this hearing of them, when their active consciousness hears them, that permeates their unconsciousness and gradually that leads them to this awakening. But there's a kind of an awakened person who we can't kind of see in this lifetime what conditions led them to be this. So like this guy you're talking about, or I would say people like Albert Einstein, I would say he had an enlightenment experience about the nature of reality, but it's hard to see what teachings helped him to get there.
[33:20]
If you look at his life, it's kind of hard to say, who guided him to this amazing breakthrough of understanding? And a number of other people I think you could cite who are great geniuses in Shakespeare. How did Shakespeare get made? And Goethe, how did these people who seem to actually have some real understanding. And Nietzsche, for me, Nietzsche is another example. However, in Nietzsche's case, and even in Albert Einstein's case, but not so much with Albert Einstein, but in Nietzsche's case, after he awoke, he didn't have anybody to help him with it. And I think Albert Einstein did have some help, which is the physics community, I think, helped him after his enlightenment deal with how to take care of it. But it's hard to see, in some cases, how the person, how it happened. But if there happened to be a Buddha, the Buddha could say, well, yeah, you can't see it here, but actually there, there, and there.
[34:27]
He got teachings in all those other situations which no one knows about. But also with both the Pratyekabuddhas and the listeners, they're people who not just have awoken, but they've also cultivated their awakening for a long time so that their awakening has actually become mature enough for them to be personally liberated. And this person who's talking, I'm not clear that he might just be at the initiatory stage. He became a teacher. He was an advisor, I think. Yeah. And then maybe he got more teachings after that so that it matured. But the initial entry, maybe he cannot see how he got to that place. I just thought Dave Brubeck. He actually, you know, he grew up in East Bay of San Francisco over the hills on a ranch with some ranches over the hill from Berkeley. Like, you know, what is it?
[35:30]
Cows in Berkeley? Cows in Berkeley? Well, actually over the hill from Berkeley there's cows. He grew up in some ranches out there and he loved his dad and he wanted to be a rancher and his mom was a musician and she wanted to be a musician. So she had him do piano lessons. And when he was 11, he said, I want to stop doing piano lessons, and I want to be a rancher like Dad. And his mom wisely said, OK. So then he did that. He stopped his music. And then he thought, well, maybe I'll go to college and become a veterinarian, because that would be helpful to the ranching. So he went to veterinarian school someplace. And I don't know what college. I think someplace in California. And he was in zoology class. And the zoology teacher said, Dave, you know? You know, Dave, you're not really, this isn't really for you.
[36:32]
I really think what you're interested in is what's going on across the yard here at the music school. I think that's what you're really interested in. He could come to a sense that Dave was looking out the window, listening to music all the time instead of the biology class. He said that was the most wonderful advice. His mom couldn't tell him that because, you know, he's a mom. And that mom's trying to get him to do what she thinks is good for him, which just happens to be what she likes. when his zoology teacher sent him over to the music conservatory, he said, oh, okay. And then he went over there, and I think he's, in a sense, he's a partaker. I mean, he envisioned some of the realities of music, which I think were unprecedented. But even there you could see he had teachers that were helping him. So I kind of think that hopefully without being dogmatic,
[37:36]
I kind of go with the program of we were born innately ignorant in the sense that we innately see things in a mistaken way. We naturally do that. However, we have the potential to receive teachings, to refute our misconceptions, and to attain Buddhahood. So we both have this potential, and we also have pretty fully realized ignorance. So most everybody's successful at ignorance. And all these ignorant beings have the potential for receiving teachings on how to study the ignorance and refute it. But some people who do study it and refute it, it's hard to see that they got the teaching. They themselves can't see it. Well, another story just popped in my mind. Stories pop in my mind. And another story is, A friend came to see me one time out at Green Gulch Farm.
[38:44]
We were talking about something, and I said to her, how's your father? And she said, well, I don't know, fine, I suppose. Why did you ask me? I said, well, isn't he in a hospital? She said, what do you mean, isn't he in a hospital? I said, well, I just had this I just had this vision of him in a hospital. I just thought I saw him in a hospital. She said, what? I said, yeah, I saw him in a hospital in Minneapolis where she and I were from. I said, that's strange. I'm going to call my mother. So she took my telephone and called her mother. She said, hello, mom. Back in the word gringo in California, she calls Minnesota. She said, mom, how's dad? And she says, shit. Never mind how I know.
[39:46]
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Shit. And then she hung up the phone and kind of ran out of the room. Later, I think at that time, she thought I had some kind of vision of her father in the hospital in Minneapolis, which I did. But she thought I had this visionary power, like I was clairvoyant. I could see her father in the hospital, which I could. But she thought I got that sort of by some power I have, which I did. But something helped me have that power. Maybe a few days before, somebody called me from Minneapolis, and we were talking about various things, too. And she just mentioned to me that she went to the hospital a few days before, and she saw this guy come to the hospital. But when I heard that, I just thought, oh, he's in the hospital, and his wife's there with him. I don't have to call anybody. I don't have to call my friend to tell her. I didn't see my son, you know. So I just took that information in. It came to me in what we might call normal ways.
[40:50]
And it came in and sat there. And when my friend just happened to come, by coincidence, a few days later, it popped up while I was talking to her. And I told her, but I didn't remember how I got it. And she thought I got it through clairvoyance. because I'm a Zen priest, right? And then later I realized, oh, that's where it came from. So I think that the teaching comes to us, and sometimes we don't see how, but I do kind of feel like Ignorant people do need to get the teaching from enlightened people. The word needs to come, and sometimes we don't see how it comes to us, but I think it does come. The process of ignorance does not have anything in it to wake itself up. Just like, again, in AA, they say you cannot get yourself out of this addictive pattern by yourself because the addictive pattern doesn't release the addictive pattern.
[41:53]
You need something else to come into the process, some other teaching to break through. And you need to take care of yourself, partly by opening yourself to this other information. And so how do people wind up even going to AA in the first place? What breaks through? The deluded consciousness isn't what broke through. Something else gets through, and then they go, and then they get told, well, you made it here, and remember, you didn't get here by your own power. And just keep that in mind, because you might forget how you got here, not by you choosing to come here. It wasn't, you know, some other causal process. Again, sometimes people can't figure out, how did I get here? I can't see how I got here. And we get to delusion by a causal process, and we get to awakening by a causal process, but we sometimes don't know what the causal process is. And so we sometimes think, it just was an accident. Or, you know, I didn't study. Nobody taught me. Nobody helped me wake up.
[42:54]
And so the Buddhist thing is, Somebody did help you. When you wake up, it's because you've got help. But sometimes you don't see it. Sometimes somebody comes by and gives you a little help, and then you don't see it, and then later you go, whoa. Another movie that comes to mind is a movie called, I think it's called Resurrection. This woman had a near-death experience, and after she recovered from it, her hands were really hot. And when she touched people... She absorbed their suffering and they were healed. And she didn't know where that came from, where that healing power came from. And then people, as she became more and more well-known, people asked her, where do you get this power? Did you get it from Jesus? She's like living in the Midwest. She was living in Glendale. In the movie. No, I'm talking about the movie. In the movie, she's in the Midwest.
[43:55]
And she's in the Bible Belt. And she's putting on these revival tents out in the prairie. And big hordes of people are coming. And then after a while, people start to say, where'd you get this power? And they say, if you get it, if you say you get it from Jesus, you're cool, you know. Young lady, you're ready for the patriarchy, are you? If you're ready for the patriarchy, you can have some power. But you've got to put Jesus up there. She said, well, I don't know if I got it from Jesus. I don't know where it came from. She couldn't say it. that she was a Christian or a Buddhist. She didn't know. So she was kind of like, in this movie, she was kind of like the Pratyekabuddha. She got enlightened in conjunction with this near-death experience, but not everybody that has a near-death experience has the same power. And because she couldn't say where she got it from, she didn't say, I got it by my own power, she just couldn't say.
[45:02]
She was kind of agnostic about her own spiritual gifts. And the people in her environment couldn't tolerate that, so somebody shot her. Because she had this power, obviously, this gift, and she wouldn't say, it's from Jesus. She could have said maybe some other source, or God, but she couldn't say it. So she got shot, and then she retired from being out there, being a Pratyekabuddha. or almost a project of Buddha, she retired from that because she couldn't honestly say how it happened. And people couldn't tolerate that. They thought she was working for Satan. If you want to say it's for Jesus, well, where could it be coming from? Must be Satan, right? We fight Satan. So she went into hiding. And the last scene in the movie is she's working in a garage like in New Mexico.
[46:04]
And people driving by on the way to and from the casinos, and they stop and get gas, and if they're sick, she touches them. So this one little boy got off the RV, and he's a sick little boy, and just before he gets back on the RV, she touches him, and he drives off. So she touches these sick people as they come through and they hardly notice it, you know, just like maybe bump them up, or touch their hand when she gives them a change. And she conveys this healing compassion. And nobody knows, so nobody shoots her. So that's my story, is it's all causes and conditions and something has to be transmitted to our deluded consciousness to wake it up. She didn't know. I didn't. She didn't know how she got. I didn't know how I could tell my friend where dad was.
[47:11]
I don't know why I love you like I do. I don't know why. I just do. You know, I just don't know why. Buddha didn't. I can't see that Buddha taught me to, but actually I can. Okay, shall we have a lunch time? Thank you. How about 45 minutes today? Is that okay? Since we're ending earlier today. Ending at 3, right? So let's come back in 45 minutes.
[47:49]
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