about 40 years ago, I began to formally practice Zen meditation. And I was motivated to do so because I saw it as part of a training program a training program which comes to fruit, I thought came to fruit in the form of being compassionate to all beings under all circumstances. I heard and read stories of people who were able to be compassionate in very difficult circumstances.

[01:14]

And I thought that I wanted to learn how to be that way. And then I heard that they went through a training program. And then I heard that the training program was available on this continent. So I came to San Francisco to join a community of people who were in this training, in this meditative training course, and to practice under the guidance of a teacher. I tried to practice in the middle of the continent by myself because the practice can be described, the training practice can be described as to sit upright, quietly and still. And I tried to practice that way and I was very successful.

[02:24]

but big spaces between the successes. Like I would sit for a little while and then there would be months before I would do it again. So I thought it might be good to be more regular. And with a teacher I could be more regular to practice perhaps almost every day. But when I came to Zen Center, the way I thought about the practice was that I thought it was a practice which I did with other people. But I thought I came here because I wanted them to support me doing the practice. And most of my friends, most of my practice friends thought about it that way too. And our teacher occasionally would give us some indication that this was not the right way to think about it.

[03:31]

But generally speaking, he was kind to us and let us think that we were practicing by ourselves, if that's what we thought. Now at this time in my life I'm more inspired by and devoted to giving attention to a practice that's not a practice I do by myself. Now I'm more interested in a practice that the a practice or the practice which we do together. And when I say we, Zen students,

[04:41]

and all the students of Islam and all the students of Judaism and all the students of Christianity and all the students of atheism and all the mice and owls and mountains and rivers I mean the practice of all beings throughout the universe That's the practice which I'm interested in now. That's the practice which I want to plunge into together with everyone. That's the practice which I think is the practice which attracted me in the first place. When I saw these people who could be compassionate I think these were people who had learned the practice of all beings.

[05:51]

And I have heard that a Buddha or Buddhas, are the practice of Buddhas. Buddhas are the practice of Buddhas. And the practice of Buddhas is the practice of all beings. So in this hall, we gather together frequently and sit quietly together.

[07:21]

It's lovely. As I said, when I first started to come into these Zen halls and sit, I was kind of concerned with what I was doing. I was kind of concerned with the story that I had of me sitting in meditation, of me sitting in meditation together with others sitting in meditation. And such sitting in meditation is sitting in meditation of a person who thinks meditation. And this is a pretty wholesome thing to do.

[08:24]

Generally. It is. But that sitting meditation is not the sitting meditation of the Buddhas. The sitting meditation of the Buddhas and the Buddha. is the practice which is the same practice as the person sitting and all beings. And it's the same enlightenment as the person sitting and all beings. The practice which is the practice of all beings is also the enlightenment of all beings. And it includes all the people, all the Zen students, for example, who are sitting thinking that they're doing meditation by themselves, or that they're trying but not being successful. But they're thinking in terms of their own activity, and they're completely included, their practice is completely included in the practice of the Buddha.

[09:39]

They're not the slightest bit disparaged or excluded. However, because they think of their practice in limited terms, they are relatively closed, which includes them completely, and a practice which they are welcome to enter. a practice which is already surrounding us and totally supporting us right now, but which we may be relatively close to if we think of ourselves apart from anybody. And again, many Zen students sit next to other Zen students in Zen meditation halls and think of their practice as separate from the person sitting right next to them.

[10:58]

So they think of their practice as practicing with a group of Zen students. Most of them, or a lot of them, think that way. Just like most people go to the grocery store and think of themselves shopping in the grocery store with the other shoppers. Do you know what I mean? Do you sometimes do that? Go to the marketplace and think, okay, I'm shopping, I'm in the marketplace with the other shoppers. I'm practicing with a group of shoppers. Right? That's familiar. Right? And people who think like that are completely included in the practice of all the shoppers, rather than the practice of me shopping with the other shoppers. So it's not the practice of the group. So when we come in here today, you can practice with these other people or you can enter the practice of all the people.

[12:09]

The practice of all of us is the practice of the Buddha. And once again, it completely includes people who think, and you have your practice, and yeah, and we practice together. But my practice is not your practice. And I'm not saying that's not true, I'm just saying that that way of thinking is completely included in a practice which is the same practice for all of us. So, or walking or standing or lying down, whatever, the practice is to be wholehearted. To be wholehearted is another way to say it.

[13:16]

And I cannot be wholehearted by myself. If I think I can do something by myself, and I believe that way of thinking, then I'm wholehearted. If I think that way, and open to that way of thinking, and not lean into that way of thinking, or lean away from thinking. If I'm honest about that way of thinking, like I honestly think I'm doing, I'm talking by myself right now. And I think the practice of talking by myself is not the practice of all beings. I might think that. I might think I'm, yeah, I might think, I might have this story coming from me, not from all of you.

[14:23]

I could think that. That's okay. And then if I relate to this activity here, which is my activity, yes, without leaning into believing that that's really so, and without leaning away from it and rejecting it, and I'm really gentle with it and honest about it and peaceful with it and open about it, And I start also to open to the practice that I'm doing, which is the same practice as all of you. So there's a way of opening to the practice of Buddha.

[15:47]

I just said a little bit about it. The practice of Buddha is the practice right now, which is the same practice of all beings. Now, how can we open to it? Well, again, I don't know where to start, but just maybe start by being honest and saying, okay, I don't understand that. Or actually, I think in terms of what I do separate from other beings. And I'm open to that. I'm open to thinking of my life in terms of my action, which is not other people's action. I'm open to that way of thinking. And I'm also a little bit open, I think I'm somewhat open to what that guy's I'm kind of open to that there's a practice which is the same practice and the same enlightenment for all beings.

[16:51]

I'm kind of open to that too. I'm not really leaning into that, though, and believing it like thinking it's really true. I'm not really leaning into it. The thing about this practice which is the practice of all beings and the enlightenment of all beings is that it's very similar to the story that I practiced by myself with a little bit of support or no support. It's similar in the way of relating to it. In both cases I should be open to those two different versions of practice. In both cases, if I wish to realize the practice of all beings and the enlightenment of all beings, then it would be appropriate to treat that story the same as the story of the practice of one being and the practice of another being.

[17:55]

Both stories should be related to the same, if I to the Buddhist practice. In other words, I shouldn't really lean into either one of them. Leaning into either one of them puts me or puts the leaner back into the story of practicing by herself. Disbelieving either one of them puts me back into the story of practicing by myself. Being rough and cruel to either one of them will put me back into the practice of being by myself. Honest about either one of them, or anything about myself, puts me back into the limited practice of me by myself. On the other hand, treating both of them the same opens to both of them

[18:59]

and opening to the story of me practicing by myself and being really tender with the story of me practicing Zen by myself and being really peaceful with the story of me practicing and being honest about it opens onto the realization of the practice that we're all doing together. Being honest. that I think actually my activity is separate from yours.

[20:04]

If I think that, to be honest about that, that I think my life is separate from yours, I honestly admit that. And being tender with that, and not believing that, or rejecting that, or avoiding that, and being peaceful with that, I will see We will see, we will realize that we are not practicing separately. We will meet the Buddha. We will meet the Buddha, which is we will meet, we will see like face to face the Buddha. And what is the Buddha? The Buddha is the practice of Buddha. the practice of all beings. We will see that we are practicing together with all Republicans and all Democrats.

[21:14]

We will see that if we care for the story that we are not practicing together with George Bush. or that we are not practicing together with Hillary Clinton, or that we are practicing together with Hillary Clinton but not with George Bush, or we are practicing together with George Bush, we will see by being gentle and honest about our story that we're not practicing with someone, we are practicing with that someone. We will realize that everyone, all beings, human and non-human, all beings are our close friends.

[22:18]

We are supporting them. They are like our dear children and we are like their dear children. We will see this realm. This is the realm of Buddha's enlightenment. In that realm all beings are working together harmoniously. The realm of existence called the Buddha way. But we need to be wholehearted with you in which we do not see that everybody is our life. We need to be wholehearted with that. We need to be very tender with the view that not everyone is our close friend. Nobody is really our best friend in this realm.

[23:24]

We don't have best friends in the Buddha practice. We just have unlimited close friends. Each one is different. Part of the undifferentiated same practice and same enlightenment. We open to our strengths but we also open to our weaknesses. We open to our helplessness. And through opening to my helplessness, I open to other people's strengths. By closing to my helplessness, I close to other people's strengths. By closing to my weakness and my helplessness, I close to Buddha's strength, to the inconceivably wonderful strength of Buddha.

[24:37]

It is extremely powerful, the strength of Buddha, which is the strength of the practice of all of us. It's not the strength of just one guy who lived in India or a bunch of Zen masters who lived in China. It's not just their strength. Their strength is the strength of all of us practicing together. That's a tremendously powerful, curative force in this universe. But if I close to my own strength, my own weakness, or my own strength, if I close to my helplessness, I close to this beneficence. So, if I'm closed to my weakness and I'm closed to my helplessness, but I'm not closed to my strength, then I could work on not being closed to my strength.

[25:38]

And not being closed to my strength does not mean to be holding on to my strength. If I see some strength in myself and I hold on to it, I'm not being tender with it. I'm not being upright with it. I'm not leaning into it. I'm not being harmonious with it. And I'm not being honest about it. So then I'm looking at my strength, but I'm closed to my own strength. So close to my own strength and also maybe close to my own weakness. Anyway, aside from closing, let's talk about opening. If I open to my strength, that means I won't grasp my strength. And not grasping my strength and not leaning into my strength and being tender with my strength, my strength can change and go away and my weakness can appear and I can practice opening.

[26:40]

And then when I'm open with my weakness, I can open to my strength. And if I open to my strength and my weakness, I can open to your strength and your weakness. And if I open to your strength and your weakness and my strength and my weakness, I open to how your weakness is supporting me and your strength is supporting me and vice versa. And I open to the practice of the Buddha. This is called wholeheartedness. To be wholehearted. And I can't be wholehearted without your assistance. And with your assistance, I will be wholehearted. With your assistance, I am wholehearted. I am already wholehearted. You are already wholehearted. But if we don't practice being wholehearted, we don't realize it.

[27:42]

In wholeheartedness, I'm not trying to get something for myself. I'm not trying to gain something from practice. In wholeheartedness, I just want to give. But also, I just want to receive. So I'm just giving and receiving. I'm not gaining anything. I'm not doing anything by myself in wholeheartedness so of course I can't be wholehearted by myself. So I need to practice being wholehearted and I can't practice by myself so I need to invite you to help me. Please help me be wholehearted. You are helping me be wholehearted already but in order for me to realize that I have to practice with you to realize that I'm practicing with you.

[28:51]

Or there needs to be the practice in order to realize it. I heard a story about the Prophet Muhammad A woman came to him and said that her son was, I don't know, I guess, overindulging. This is back like in the 7th century, right? Maybe figure really expensive out there in Arabia because he was like bankrupting her. his family by eating a lot of figs or buying a lot of figs. So he says, he's eating so much figs, there's none of this, you know, I'm practically starving. Would you please talk to him? And the prophet said, I'll talk to him in five weeks.

[29:57]

And then five weeks later, He invited the young man to come and he, according to the story, he spoke to this young man very tenderly. And he said, you're such a fine young man. I hope you know that your fig practice is really hard on your mother. And it would be really good, I think, if you didn't spend so much of your money on figs so that your mother could have not such a hard time. And I think that the young man received these instructions from the Prophet happily and was transformed in a beneficial way through the interaction. And then after the boy left, the student said, teacher, how come you waited five weeks of 35 days?

[31:07]

Or how come you waited five weeks before you talked to him? And he said, well, actually, I love figs too. I talked to him. I had to look at myself and my kind of weakness for figs. I had to get into my weakness for figs. And I did. For five weeks I looked at my weakness for figs. So then when I met him, when he came, another person who has weakness for figs, I was one who knew my own weakness for figs. I was open to my own weakness for figs, so I was open to his weakness for figs. So I could ask myself and him to cool it. through my weakness, if I'm willing to accept my weakness, I can see how great you are.

[32:19]

You actually eat less things than me. But if I don't look at my own weakness, I think, boy, you've got lots of problems, you need a lot of work on yourself. And I can tell you where to, you know, go. And like George Bush, right? You know George Bush? He's the president, right? I heard, I don't know if this is true, but I heard that he had something to do with giving the Dalai Lama a Congressional Medal of Honor. Does anybody else hear that story? Not just the president, but George Bush has something to do with that. giving this Congressional Medal of Honor to Obama.

[33:25]

And I think some, I also heard that some reporters at a press conference asked George Bush, you know, the Chinese are going to get upset about this. And he said something like, well, they always do that. Now, I don't know, when I hear about, I guess when I hear about him giving the Dalai Lama Congressional Medal of Honor, I guess I feel, it makes me feel kind of tender. And in my tenderness, I can open to some good qualities in George Bush. In my tenderness, I can open to my own, you know, what a terrible person I would be in the office. And so it's nice that he, I think that he, that this happened.

[34:26]

And of course, the Dalai Lama receives the gold medal, the Medal of Honor and says, George Bush is my friend. I heard George Bush is my friend. I heard the Dalai Lama said that. which is not that surprising to me. What would be surprising to me is if some people I know would say that. But the Buddha has no problem saying, George Bush is my friend, because the Buddha would have no problem saying, My practice is the same practice as George Bush's practice. George Bush's practice is separate from mine. I'm doing the same practice and the same enlightenment as George Bush. And he has a practice which is the same practice as me and you.

[35:31]

That's the Buddha. So everyone's Buddha's friend. Everyone's Buddha's good friend. But the hard part is to meet everything wholeheartedly and to realize that actually I said it's hard but it's not really hard because meeting everything wholeheartedly means meeting everybody meeting every person, every event, every feeling, every emotion, every thought Every experience, meet every experience together with all beings. Receive all beings' support to meet each being. Don't meet anybody without all the Buddhas with you. You don't meet anybody without all the Buddhas with you. All the Buddhas are with you all day long. That's the message from the Buddhas. They say, we're with you.

[36:32]

And not only are we with you, but all the angels are with us with you. And all the saints, all the Buddhist saints and Sufi saints and Jewish saints, all the saints, all the Hindu saints, all the saints, all the Bodhisattvas, all the Buddhas are with us every moment. That's what I've heard from the saints, from the angels, from the Buddhas, from the Bodhisattvas. They say they're all with us. They don't say, get those, the saints don't, get those Buddhists out of here. The Sufis say, you know, don't say, you know, what is it, Rumi doesn't say, you know, get the Bodhisattvas out of here. He doesn't say that. The Bodhisattvas get me out of here. Get St. Francis out of here. They don't say that, do they? No, they don't. The saints are friends with each other. And the bodhisattvas are friends with the saints.

[37:34]

And even within Buddhism we have saints and bodhisattvas. They're friends. Good friends, close friends. And they're gentle. And they're upright, they're balanced. They practice being balanced and upright with everything. And they did that so that they opened to see this realm where everybody's friends, where George Bush and the Dalai Lama are friends. And Hillary Clinton, I heard, you know, she's laughed, I heard, you know. And then people took pictures of her laughter and then people started to attack her for laughing. and bringing in laugh experts and saying, well, what does her laugh mean? And some of the laugh experts are saying, well, her laugh actually is the evil laugh.

[38:41]

It's a witch cackle. And actually, one Republican leader was interviewed about, what do you think of Hillary's laugh? And he said, I find it very, very attractive. And then he got busted for that. And then he said, no, I wrote to retract that statement. So I don't know. I don't know. I really don't know. But it seems to me that it's really good that she laughs. I like it that she laughs. I like that it isn't somebody else's idea of what a laugh's supposed to be. I would really like all of us to be able to laugh our true laugh. I think that's what attracted me to Zen. Not sternness, but weird old guys rolling in the grass laughing. That's what it is. No matter what, they're getting kicked in the ribs, being free to laugh and have it not be politically correct laugh.

[39:52]

laugh, you know, and you're a human being. But, but, they will attack you probably, you know, you'll get attacked for laughing. That probably will happen. Not every time, but you know, most of the time. That's part of the deal. Now, again, we have a practice for that. It's called open to the being kicked in the ribs when you're laughing. Okay? Open to it. Be upright with it. Don't lean into believing the story, I'm being kicked in the ribs for laughing. Don't lean away from it. I'm not being kicked in the ribs. Don't try to avoid it. Don't try to control it. Give all that up. Be tender with whatever the story is, and then you'll probably laugh some more, and another story will come.

[40:57]

Be honest with it. That's my story. People don't like me to laugh. But even though they don't like my laugh, I'm kind of a weak person, so I probably won't be able to stop myself from laughing more. I'll probably laugh some more, because I'm kind of out of control. I'm kind of helplessly laughing. I'm helplessly crying. I'm helplessly, you know, etc. But everybody's helping me be open and thereby realize that everybody's helping me and I am helping everybody. And this is the practice of the Buddhas. Oh, and also, I also saw that she was wearing some moccasin kind of shoes.

[42:15]

They were like shoes that are made in my home state of Minnesota. They're supposedly like Indian slippers. And people were also, you know, taking pictures of her feet with the slippers on, with the moccasins on, teasing her about that. They're kind of helpers. Okay, Hillary, can you open to this? We're going to tease you for your moccasins now. We're rooting for you. See if you can be gentle and upright and honest and people teasing you about your shoes. I think it would just be great if the President of the United States could go to some conference with Birkenstocks on.

[43:21]

Barefoot? Did Jesus walk barefoot? Sometimes? I don't know. Did he? Anyway, apparently he needed his feet washed. Right? There was a foot washing practice with him. And the Buddha also His feet got dirty, and when he came back from begging, his feet got washed. So a lot of these people... So I think, you know, it's more comfortable that way. It'd be nice if the president could go barefoot or something, if she wanted to. Feeling the support of all of us to go barefoot and laugh in various ways. Buddha's practice, Bodhisattva's practice, all beings' practice, Buddha's enlightenment, Bodhisattva enlightenment, all beings' enlightenment.

[46:33]

my body, other bodies, not two. Plunge into the great vow of wholeheartedness together with all beings. Please allow yourself to be cared for by the whole universe. Please care for the whole universe. Is there anything you'd like to discuss? Yes, Karen? Could you hear her?

[47:57]

She wants to know how to feel her with her half-heartedness. She doesn't like her half-heartedness very much. So the first thing that comes to my mind is how to be upright with half-heartedness. Now, upright doesn't mean you like it. And it doesn't mean you don't like it. So you've got half-heartedness, but also you have don't like half-heartedness. So how to be upright with not liking half-heartedness? And again, you don't like, you don't dislike not liking. So let's say we have a child or a grandchild and the grandchild is half-hearted. We have another grandchild which is don't like half-hearted.

[48:59]

Two difficult grandchildren, a half-hearted grandchild and a not liking half-heartedness grandchild. So one's named half-heartedness, the other one's named I don't like my... So as a grandparent you love them both, right? You don't like... Loving them is not liking and disliking them. It's loving them. It's being devoted to them. It's not believing their story. Like you have a child, you know, they're kind of like I'm half-hearted, you know. Well, they're not really half-hearted. That's just their story. You're not really half-hearted, right? You're not. Don't worry. You're not. But you have that story. So if you and I, with the story of your half-heartedness, will both realize together...

[50:06]

that you're wholehearted, you were always wholehearted when you were being, when you were, whatever, you know, pouting. I only half want to do that. That's the first, that's the upright part. And then also be tender. Be tender with the half-heartedness and be tender with, I don't like half-heartedness, be tender with that angry one and be tender with that kind of limp one. Got a limp grandchild and a petulant grandchild. Be tender with both. And then more half-hearted and more petulant to see if that's a real tenderness or a manipulative tenderness, right? And you keep practicing tender. And also be peaceful with them. You know, don't kill either one of them. Don't try to control them. Give up trying to control. It's painful for me to see your half-heartedness. It's painful for me to see that you believe you're half-hearted.

[51:10]

You might have a grandchild and you look at the grandchild and you think, what a beautiful person, what a beautiful being. You might think, I'm so ugly. I have a a young relative. She was totally beautiful and she thought she was ugly. But I didn't argue with her. But it was painful to see her believe this. And it was pretty easy to see that this story was a coping mechanism on her part. So I would, you know, be peaceful and harmonious and also try to open to this half-heartedness. Really open to it. Et cetera. And also, if you can't be open and gentle with the half-heartedness, then you practice confession.

[52:14]

I'm not open with my half-heartedness. I'm not tender with my half-heartedness. I'm not gentle. So you can confess half-heartedness and not practicing uprightly with it, all that. You can confess. And then how do you feel about that? Well, not so good. And then this process, you will find your way. This practice, the practice of confessing your lack, you will find wholeheartedness in that practice. I propose that to us. Okay? Feel your way that way. Yeah. Thank you for that question. People had a similar question. And your name? My name is Jean. Jean. And I have a question about unsolicited grandmotherly advice. Yes. I want to tell my stepdaughter who... Let's see.

[53:19]

She's married to a lovely man who has been divorced. And I was divorced, and so was my husband. My now husband was divorced. Which is something that's on my mind in terms of trying to somehow be and helpful. But the minute you say helpful and when you're a mother-in-law, you immediately show that you're in a very dangerous position. But you have a, in your heart, you wish to help her. Yes. Yeah, so that's good. I want to give her helpful advice. You want to give her some advice which you think might be helpful. Yeah, that seems fine. And so generally speaking, and people often ask me that kind of question, like I have some advice to give someone, what should I do? And I usually suggest to ask them if they would like something from you. Say, I have a gift for you. And then also look in your own heart and see now, is this really a gift?

[54:26]

In other words, if they like stamp on it and throw it in the garbage, is that fine with me? If yes, then maybe it is a gift. Say, I have a gift for you. And also, do you expect them to offer it? If you expect them, don't give it. But you say, I'm going to offer this, and if they don't want it, that's fine with me, I'll still offer it. So I have something for you. Would you like me to give it to you? And they might say, no, no thank you. Yeah, probably. Gift. Pardon? Which I would then deserve, right? Which you then deserve? Deserve? Yeah, deserve. Because your heart's force is to be broken. And so then they give you the gift of a broken heart, which helps you to be broken. And then broken hearts, every moment the heart breaks, then it comes back together so it can be broken again.

[55:28]

The heart bleeds, right? It's a bleeding muscle. So, yeah. So, yeah, I think, like my grandson, you know, I was in Los Angeles and he got up early in the morning and he was eating his bagel for breakfast and I went over to where he was eating and I said, hi, and he said, hi. And, uh, I sat down across from him and looked at him, you know. And he says, and he goes, he kind of goes, kind of frowns, you know, to have this guy looking at him like that. And then he says, quite civilly, he said, staring at me. And I said, okay. Okay. So then I started looking other places. And I walked away and sort of sat, you know, kind of like near him, but not staring at him.

[56:39]

And then little by little he had something to say to me, you know, like, Actually, he was referring to one of his boy cousins and he says, Do you think Gabe has difficulty accepting instruction? How old is he? He's seven. He asked me if I thought his cousin had difficulty accepting instruction. I think he was referring to his own instruction to him. Because he's a younger cousin, you know, which he likes to instruct. who does not necessarily see him as his teacher. So that was his gift to me, which was, you know, a little bit difficult. Would you please stop staring at me? Okay. Your devotion is annoying, slave.

[57:47]

Get out of here. Okay. Thank you. Broke my heart a little bit. But I'm available and when he wants me, I'm there. and I have gifts to give him. I try to give them with no expectation and if I happen to slip into any expectation then that makes it not a gift and he usually will catch me. So it's quite... Cindy? I just went to my 50th high school reunion, and there was such an air of wholeheartedness that didn't exist at the 40th.

[58:55]

Oh, yeah, great. It was just so wonderful. Congratulations. Yeah. So everyone was accepted, you know, class jerk, the smartest, you know, it was, I don't know. Great. Congratulations. Fifty years is pretty long to work on people. Yes, and your name? Hestia. Hestia. When someone says something to you, or if someone says something to me that I don't like, how do I wholeheartedly express myself without creating conflict? Well, let's say, so you say something to me which I... Someone says something. Like my grandson says to me, please stop staring at me.

[59:55]

And if I don't like it, I would say that I'm... So I'm an off-balance grandfather. If I don't like him saying, would you please stop staring at me? So then if I recognize that I don't like it, I realize, well, I'm off balance, so I have some work to do here to get balanced. Like the story might be. What he says, please stop staring at me, that means he's not appreciating me, he doesn't like me, he's afraid of me, he can't stand the intensity of my love. Lots of stories, right? but you're not getting into any of those. This person is hurting you or being cruel to you. Anyway, doing something you don't like. Says something you don't like. So they say something, they do say something about what that means, and then if you lean into the story, then you're vulnerable to like it or dislike it.

[61:07]

So when my grandson says, please stop staring at me, I have a story, and if I lean into that story, I'll like or dislike it. So when I like it, I probably leaned. If I notice I dislike it, I probably leaned. So then I could become upright. Now I'm upright with them saying something that I had a story about, which I leaned into, and now I'm not leaning into it, and then the dislike drops away. I just had this story. It's not really what's going on. It's just my mind coping with it in its usual way of making a story about my relationship with this person. So now I'm balanced again. Now we can start over for the next experience. Be tender with it. Be tender with your anger. Be tender with your off-balanceness. And then you can also be tender with this person who you are seeing through your story.

[62:14]

But your tenderness is still sort of towards the story and towards the person. And if you're tender towards your story, you won't fall into your story so likely. But it's possible to be tender and also unbalanced. And it's possible to be balanced and not tender. So you have to be both tender and balanced with everything that anybody says to you. That's the goal. And if we can be that way with what people say to us, then the curtain can open and we can see what actually is going on here, which is, you know, we're helping each other, we're good friends beyond our ideas of good and bad friends. Okay? Yes, John? I just wanted to say that I had a question that I thought was very complex and almost insoluble. And your response to the first question sort of dissolved that.

[63:26]

Thanks for the feedback, John. Michelle? When you said tenderness, Tenderness. The story I get in my mind is space to my story about what I'm doing. Yeah, that's good. Give it space. So my question was, how do I give tenderness? That's what I translate, or that's the story I have when I hear that. To give tenderness to my story. Is there any other way to be tender with your story other than giving it space? Yeah, yes. Yeah, I think sometimes you might want to touch your story a little bit. You might want to get the other person to touch your story, if it's a story about somebody. So you might invite them to give you feedback on your story.

[64:31]

And I have this story that... about us, you know. So tenderness is not just openness, it's actually a way of responding too. So the word, I say tender, but another word for this teaching is gentleness. Another word is flexibility and softness. So being able to move with the story and turn with the story, I mean by tender. So the spaciousness is there in which you now can have room to turn. So like here's my story, but I invite support to come and look at it from another direction. Not to go away from it and not to grab it, but to move with it. and try to be balanced with it and turn with it, dance with it.

[65:33]

So then there's going to be some kind of maybe potential touching, some contact. So, yeah. We're very sensitive creatures, you know, and even our stories are sensitive creatures. And if I got a story, you know, I'd just like, you know, how to like, how to be with it and interact in a very tender way. Like, I know this could have an effect, and also if I touch you, it can have an effect on me. So, you know, I might say, may I touch you to my story or to someone who I have a story about? May I touch you? And they might say, mm-hmm. And you might not touch them, but at least you got their permission to touch them. Really? Is that okay with you? And you said, yeah.

[66:36]

May I touch you? Okay. I won't take that as a carte blanche. I'll check in later on that one. Yeah, yesterday I said you could touch me, but that doesn't apply to today. Oh, sorry, I forgot to ask. Sometimes people ask me, would you give me feedback if you see me doing whatever? I'll try. And then when it comes time and I have some feedback, I sometimes say, before you said you wanted some, do you want some today? And they say, so what? Or, you know, what do you mean? Oh, okay. You don't want it today? No. I'm not in the mood. Okay. But later, at least. Okay. Please give me some later. Okay. Okay. Sorry.

[67:41]

Where does resolution come into the stories if we tell ourselves, and with tenderness? I said, where does resolution come into our stories? With tenderness. You mean, how does tenderness help the stories resolve? Or do they? But yes, I guess I'm confused on my question. Well, one way the stories resolve is like they can resolve into a do and pop. Stories are basically cognitive enclosures that our mind makes around us. Like right now, I have a story of you, and you have a story of me. I have a story that I have a story of you, and you probably have a story of me. I don't know what your story is, you could tell me. But anyway, we have stories about each other, and they're little enclosures our mind makes around us about our relationship. And if I care for my story of you, it will resolve itself into a do. And another one may come, and if I care for that one tenderly, that will melt away.

[68:47]

And I will be able to see you and relate to you without the obscuration of my story about you. Or I can still have my story about you, but I don't believe it. It doesn't interfere with us. And I don't judge you on the basis of my story about you. So that kind of resolves my story. or resolve like dissolve. And the stories go on. And they have consequence. The consequences generally are obscuring consequences, obstructing the realization of our close friendship Again, I propose the stories currently obstruct our vision of our true close relationship. The consequence of further obstructions to the realization of our close friendship. But we need to have stories, so this is part of our challenge of our life, is that our minds creating things which obstruct our vision of truth.

[69:55]

But if we care for the obstructions, And part of caring for them is to admit them, to be honest. I've got a story that you don't like me. I just want to tell you that and invite your feedback on that. And you might say, yeah, I agree, I don't like you. But even so, by hearing the story, my story still may drop away, even though you kind of agree with my words. And I see, oh, this is not true. you know, you agree you don't like me, but you're actually my close friend anyway. And tomorrow you may say, but you're still my close friend. You're always my close friend. And you go through various changes, but you're always my close friend. So then I can see that. So then I open to our real relationship. And you look like, I have a story that you're thinking about something now. My following question to that is, so as I go into, as I deal with stories, or stories where I feel like I need to have a resolution, to what degree of an expectation of an outcome?

[71:14]

And to what allowance is there to have? Okay, just stop right there, okay? Expectation of an outcome. That's, I recommend that you be gentle with that. Be gentle with the expectation of an outcome. All right? and by being gentle with it you might be able to like let go of it expectations of an outcome are not being upright so i have a story and and part of the story maybe or another story maybe i have an expectation of an outcome related to the story those are very dangerous stories stories that have expectation of outcome like giving someone a gift with an expectation is not a gift it's a very But I see, oh, there it is. I'm honest. There's an expectation. So you told me about that. So watch out for that. And don't try to knock the expectation out of the field. Just be upright with it and be gentle with the expectation. Expectation is a very dangerous grandchild.

[72:16]

Very dangerous. If you don't love it, in other words, if you like it or dislike it, then you'll fall into it or fall away from it, and then it'll start pushing you around. So when the expectation arises, you've got to be really vigilant and tenacious. Because if you fight it, it'll really get strong. Turn into a big, powerful, I want to call it wrathful deity. Teach you to work. Do you think you can be rough with this expectation? Well, okay, well, what this? I'll take this expectation. That's okay. I'll take this one. Don't get me into a bigger one. Does that make sense? Good. Yes, and your name? Janet. Janet? Janet, yes. Yes. So, it seems like in my experience that stories sometimes help me open to people and be closer to them rather than, you know, obscure the connection.

[73:26]

Yes. So... Stories can be helpful, yes. For example, if you have a story that somebody is, I don't know what, not worthy of your kindness, and then somebody comes up to you and tells you another alternative story about that person. Like, you know, they're really trying things for people, they help these people this way and that way, and then you change to that story, and then given that story you think, oh, now I feel more up to relate to that person. So then that story seems to make you open to the person a little bit. So that seems to be very helpful stories. Some stories are helpful. Some stories are harmful in the short term. Yes, some stories are skillful.

[74:26]

So when we talk about, in the Dharma, Buddha Dharma, we talk about skillful karma and unskillful karma. Skillful action, unskillful action, which is skillful stories. Okay? So there are skillful stories and unskillful stories. And then, and they both have consequence. And there's also stories that's kind of hard to tell whether they're skillful or unskillful. Skillful stories are generally stories which promote, you know, welfare for all beings and also stories which promote welfare for some beings. And also another thing about skillful stories, it's an opportunity of being aware of the story. and studying the story and being upright with the story and being tender with the story.

[75:30]

So wholesome stories tend to go with caring for the stories in a way that the story and you'll meet the Buddha. So wholesome stories, there are wholesome stories and they can be helpful, they are helpful and the ultimate way that they're helpful is helping us deal with all stories, including that one, in such a way that the story drops away and we seem to relate to each other without using the story as a way to relate. Actually, using the story is a way to relate, but I say without grasping the story, without leaning into the story. So, you know, even the Buddha would have a story about you if she met you, but she wouldn't believe it. And you could say, tell me a story you have about me, and the Buddha could tell you, but the Buddha would say, you know, but I don't believe that.

[76:35]

And you'd feel that. You'd feel that the stories running through her mind weren't obstructing her actual relationship with you. This might be too much. Yes, it might be. So just tell me this topic. So what is the actual relationship? What is the actual relationship? The actual relationship is inconceivable. No story, no story that I have of you or that you have of me or that we have of our relationship, no story embraces, can reach our actual relationship. Because our actual relationship includes everybody else too. Everybody's... and our friendship supports everybody. And I say that, but the way that actually works is beyond any, and no story can do that. And like my story of you is that you're, you know, a beautiful, wonderful person, but that's not, my story is not you. You know?

[77:39]

I also have a story, this is Sunday, right? And my story that says Sunday is not Sunday. Sunday is like, well, you know, kind of, you got a feeling for it, don't you? It's like everything that's going on in the universe right now is Sunday. But my story of being Sunday is just a little version of it. So it really is Sunday, but nobody's story of Sunday reaches Sunday. And yet Sunday includes everybody's stories of Sunday, and so on. Our relationship is not what my mind makes of it, but my mind making something of it is probably But everybody else's mind and making what they're doing is part of our relationship, too. That's... And we're working together is our actual relationship. Thank you. You're welcome. Janet? Yes, and your name? Christina.

[78:41]

Christina? Yeah? In thinking about stories and what you're talking about, I can kind of grasp that it's difficult sometimes to do that. You can kind of grasp it, even though you're instructed not to. I'm encouraging you. I'm okay with you grasping it. It's all right. I hope I was tender in pointing that out. What comes to mind is when you talk about stories, I'm actually in a situation that I work in. There's somebody you work with that tells stories about people? Did you say? What? Oh, somebody tells negative stories about people. You have a story like that? Right? Okay.

[79:42]

And if you can be generous with that story, and tender with that story of this person telling negative stories about people, and you can be balanced with that story, and open to that story, and honest about that story, like that person said above me, I have a story that you tell negative stories about people. But you can maybe say that, but I don't believe it. It's just, you know, it's just a story I have. I don't believe it, though. And they go, wow. And they believe you, maybe, It seems true to them that you have this story, but you don't believe it. This is a great service to this person. And also that you're tender with them. And also you're generous with them. Because you gave them your honesty, you gave them your uprightness, and in your uprightness you're generous, you're tender, they can feel that. Plus they even get the feedback that for some reason you have this story. You know? They say, wow, where did that come from? that you would have that story about me."

[80:46]

And then they could find out more about themselves in that way. But they feel your love, you know? Not your like and dislike, because you got over that. But even if you never talk to them, they feel that generosity, and it transforms them. And if they keep meeting somebody who sees them, and for some reason that person has a story that they're telling negative stories, if they keep meeting such a person, that person's generosity and tenderness, they will gradually open to that and start looking at their own storytelling in the same way that you look at your story about them. This is the way that the practice is transmitted. Does that make sense? Well, you know, I'm very fortunate because given my karmic situation, I cannot write.

[81:59]

So you and I and many other beings are writing a book about this right now. The book is... you know, is being written by a lot of people about this topic. So like, you know, this discussion you and I are having about this book is being taped. Okay? And it will probably be transcribed and be in a computer. And you can see it on the computers. The conversation that we're having, people will be looking at that probably.

[83:03]

I may eventually see it myself, but somebody else will probably see it before I do. And then they'll start editing it. And who knows, it may even say Christine someplace in there. But this is actually something that could happen like so. So actually this conversation we're having is being recorded and that story I just told is not the actual recording process. So, for example, I can say it's not being recorded, but somebody else will say, well, yes, it is, see? They can show you this talk. So in this way, these talks, these conversations will be, you know, recorded and dealt with, and eventually they may be, like, put into, like, on paper. And before they're on paper, they'll be electronically imaged on screen. This is going on. But I'm not writing it, right?

[84:05]

And I'm not even talking it. But the talk is happening. And it's coming out of my mouth, but all of you are making it happen. Like I wouldn't be saying this if you hadn't asked me that question, right? So in this way, this is the way books happen in relationship to me. I don't write them, but they appear. Yes? Maybe this would be a nice time to invite people if they'd like to help so we can transcribe something. Yeah. If you'd like to transcribe this talk, for example, Christine, you could. So contact Catherine and then you, and then Christine, you will be writing this book. So like I say, I'm very fortunate because I cannot, it's just not my, it's not my situation like that I can write a book. But yet, A book with me. And a book can happen through us. A book about us can happen through us.

[85:09]

So that's very auspicious. Right? Isn't that nice? It's not so nice that I can't write, but... Because, you know, if I could write, then I could write books. But I can't. So I fortunately cannot fall into that delusion. I'm protected. Or some other people who can write, they fall into the delusion that they can write. Like Catherine. No more? No more, okay. Yes, and your name? Chuck. Chuck. What about the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves? Same. Same, same. Take care. Step back from it and... Be honest, you know. I have this story that I'm a great guy or that I'm right. Or vice versa.

[86:10]

Yeah, or vice versa. I have this story about myself. And, you know, I'm kind of believing it. So I'm leaning into it. I'm not upright. Upright is I don't believe it. I don't disbelieve it. I see it. I honestly see the story. I'm not a nice guy. I'm not saying it's the truth, but that's, in fact, I'm being honest that I have this story. But I'm not saying it's the truth. I'm just saying it's a story. I'm gentle with it. and I'm tender with it, and I'm peaceful with it. And here comes another one about me. And now here comes one about Chuck. Now here comes one about Barrett. Now here comes one about Sunday. You know, story after story after story. And as a Bodhisattva vow, I vow, I promise, to give gracious attention to all these stories that are appearing in my mind and if i can do that from that practice i can relate stories in their mind and then they i can show them how to care for their stories and then together we care for our stories and then together we can live together monitoring and graciously attending to our stories and then we can

[87:33]

we can be at peace with each other. So being upright is not necessarily being honest about whether the story is true or not? Being upright... Reasonable thought, whether it's true or not, that's not part of the... You could honestly have the story that this is a true story. Wait, I did something, I did it, there it is. Right. I killed the cat. Yeah, I killed the cat. And you could think that you're... And it could be true that... But your story of killing the cat is not the killing of the cat. I'm not denying that you killed the cat, I'm just saying that your story of the event and my story of the event, neither one of them are the event. The event is much bigger than your cognitive version of it, even though it may be true that this event occurred. But if you lean into your cognitive version of it and I lean into my cognitive version of it, then we're off balance. And then there's going to be more, then there's going to be unskillfulness.

[88:35]

and harm, and then there'll be stories about that, and if we lean into those, there'll be more harm. But if we're upright with our stories, we have a chance to realize that no matter what's going on, we're doing it together. And it's terrible that this being was harmed, but I'm not blaming somebody else, I'm blaming myself. I'm being responsible together. And that mode we can realize compassion. Is this an aspect of equanimity? Equanimity is part of being upright. Equanimity is not liking or disliking. And it's not avoiding liking, disliking. It's being balanced in the middle of like and dislike. And that's it. Equanimity is an aspect of love. Equanimity is not... Equanimity is an aspect of caring for people in a skillful way, for caring for beings in a skillful way. We need equanimity. You're one of the beings, you're one of the... And I need to care for you and you need to care for you.

[89:44]

And the way you do is a special thing because you're the one who knows your stories. I don't even know them, I hear about them. But when I hear about them, I have a story about what I heard. So you're the one who's right there, and that's your particular own job, is to watch your stories. Your job is to watch mine, and our job is to help each other do that. And in that way, we will realize the truth together. Let me check the time here, because we're supposed to stop someday. Hugo! Yes? So the stories that come up during zazen. The stories that come up during zazen, yes. They dealt with differently from the stories as we're not sitting. He said the stories that come up during zazen, are they dealt with differently when you're not sitting?

[90:49]

Well, I would suggest that no matter what posture you're in, you deal with everything the same. And the way I would suggest you deal with them is the way we call, you know, Buddha Zazen. It's Buddha Zazen, or it's the way I would suggest you deal with whatever story comes up in whatever posture you're in, I would suggest you deal with it open to Buddha Zazen. And the way you do that is, no matter what story comes up in sitting posture, and no matter what story comes up in driving posture or walking posture, you do the same practice. You open to it, you be balanced with it, you be tender with it, you be honest about it, and you harmonize with it. If you're sitting, standing, walking, driving, whatever,

[91:54]

Same practice. And if you practice that way with whatever story, the story will part and you will see the practice of the Buddha. You will see the practice of all beings and the enlightenment of all beings. And you will see that it was always there, from past, present and future, throughout the universe. Anybody who hasn't asked a question that would like to? Yes? Nate? I speak of what? Of not liking or disliking our stories, but drawing an equanimity with them, between like and dislike, or both like and dislike. And you speak of loving our stories. Same.

[92:56]

Do you set an opposite to loving our stories? What is not loving our stories? Liking and disliking your stories are not exactly opposite, but they're veering away from love. I shouldn't say, leaning into liking and dislike is veering away from love and equanimity. Because I think you said nicely that equanimity is, first of all you said neither like or dislike, but then you said include. So I think it includes, equanimity includes like and dislike or pain and pleasure, but it doesn't lean. It just, it opens to them. Here comes the dislike, here comes the pain, welcome. Here comes the pleasure, welcome. Here goes the pleasure, welcome. Here goes the pain, welcome. Welcome, welcome. Welcome life.

[93:58]

Welcome life. Welcome life. Welcome enlightenment. If we don't welcome life, then if we close to life, we close to enlightenment. So equanimity is part of the welcoming party to enlightenment. And it's a tough job to welcome life no matter how it comes. To be friends with life no matter how it comes. It's tough, right? But that's what attracted me to Zen was people who could say welcome to this and that no matter what. Welcome. Not like, I don't like that you're insulting me and spitting in my face. I don't like it. But I say welcome. And welcome to that, welcome to the Buddhas. They're coming anyway, but if you don't welcome them, you'll miss, you know.

[95:03]

You've got to be home to receive the gift. Welcome. So this is the life-affirming version of the Buddha way. Welcome to all life, not liking or disliking. Tender and flexible and honest with everything that comes. This is the welcoming. At the end of the Heart Sutra it says, Bodhisvaha, which means welcome. Welcome the world where we're working together with all the Buddhas. And all the Buddhas are working together with all of us. Welcome to that realm. Is that clear? But difficult to do it moment after moment. Mostly we say, oh, I slipped again. I missed an opportunity to welcome life.

[96:06]

But now I'm back. Welcome.

[96:10]

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