Yeah, so this is announced as Zen meditation awakened life right here and now. Earlier I said Buddha is living in stillness. living in stillness is Buddha. So how that applies right here and now, there's various here's and now in this room. For example, here, now. And for you, here and now, here and now, here and now.

[01:08]

Each of us has a here. And our here's are in a way different. We have different positions in the room. So Buddha is living in you being where you are right now. You living where you are right now is stillness. You don't have to move from where you are to be where you are. And to be what you are, where you are now is precisely what we mean by Buddha. I don't see the word bodhisattva in the Course description.

[02:23]

Bodhisattva is a word made of basically two parts. Bodhi, which means to be awake or enlightened. Bodhi. It's the root of Buddha. You being just like you are right now is what's meant by bodhi, by being awake. Sattva means a being. So it refers to a being, a way of being, awake. Or a way of being, an awakening way of being. And it's sometimes applied to living beings who are living the life of becoming and becoming Buddha.

[03:33]

But not just for themselves, but for all beings. And I didn't say in the announcement, well I did, I did say it, yeah. So living by acts of compassion for the boundless ocean of living beings. within the insight that their existence is not separate from our own. In this way we walk the path of great awakening for the benefit of all beings. It might be possible for you and me to practice being ourself, to practice stillness, which is

[04:36]

to practice awakening, but not do it for the welfare of all beings. It might be possible just to work at being who you are right now completely. That would be Buddha. So what about this thing about practicing that way or living that way in order to benefit all beings? So I just propose to you that I might not be able, I'll speak for myself, I might not be able actually to be still with myself if I was doing it just for me. And I could say it another way. I need to be being me completely in order to be Buddha.

[05:45]

And I need to be doing that for you in order to be able to do it. I won't be able to be me completely just for me. I will not be successful. But if I do it for the welfare of all beings, I will be successful. I have the basic necessities to be a Buddha. I'm a living being. That's what it takes. And not only that, but a somewhat deluded living being. Delusion is an absolute necessity for Buddha.

[06:52]

Awakening absolutely needs delusion. In order to awaken, you have to be deluded. And, fortunately, we are deluded. Or I am. So I've got the delusion already. Where's the Buddha? The Buddha is in being still with the delusion. And being still with delusion, most people have a really hard time with that. which means they have a hard time being still with being Buddha, which is Buddha. Buddha is still with delusion and still with Buddha. So I'm realizing that I didn't have a caveat, a warning on this course description saying, if you come to this class you might get exposed

[08:09]

to a really big aspiration which may be too much for you. So be warned. But it's kind of there. We're talking about acts of compassion for all beings. Now the question is, do I aspire to acts of compassion for all beings? Do I? I look at myself and I check to see do I aspire to live by acts of compassion for everybody with no exception. And I, and part of my compassion, part of my wish to be compassionate is to not force you to live by acts of compassion for all beings.

[09:10]

I'm not forcing you to do that. I don't think that would be kind of me. I would, however, be happy to encourage you to find for yourself the aspiration to live by acts of compassion for all beings. I'd be happy to encourage that in you and in me. But I don't want to back you into a corner and make you feel trapped into all day long acts of compassion towards everybody. I would like to be more like in a big open space you feel like, yeah, I do want to live that way. And actually, I feel encouraged to live that way, and I would like to encourage other people to live that way. And living that way is, I think a lot of people might say, well, that sounds good.

[10:14]

To live by acts of compassion in such a way as you can encourage other people to live by acts of compassion. And this path will lead us to be able to be ourself. will lead us to be able to be still with what we are. In other words, lead us to be able to be Buddha, and then we are someone who is practicing compassion, being completely ourselves, and encouraging other people to do the same. I do aspire to Buddhahood.

[11:32]

I aspire to unsurpassed, complete and perfect awakening for the benefit of all living beings. I had that aspiration. And then following from that aspiration is to practice acts of compassion. And there's another issue, and that is, even if I have, which I do, the aspiration for Buddhahood, for the welfare of all beings, which I do and even if I then see that it would make sense then to live all day long by actions which are actions of compassion and I do see that and I do think that's a good idea and I think that's really a nice simple life a great simple life I have a little bit of a problem

[12:35]

sometimes. And that problem is I sometimes am a little afraid of personal pain. One can have pain and aspire to practice stillness for the welfare of all beings. And then one can think, yeah, I want to do that by practicing compassion with all beings and still be afraid of personal pain, of personal illness, of old age, sickness and death for yourself. And that fear can sometimes in a way make this wonderful practice, this wonderful practice of aspiring to benefit all beings, it can make it kind of like get stuck sometimes, be obstructed.

[13:51]

So we need, in addition to this aspiration, or along with this aspiration, and along with putting it into action of compassion, we need also to address and let go of fear of personal pain. And the way to let go of fear of personal pain is by seeing that we're in this pivotal relationship with all living beings. Then we can let go of fear of pain. We still might have pain and pleasure, but the fear will drop away. And then we can live this

[14:54]

life which is a one where we can reverse our position with other positions. Or we can be ready to change places with other people. which is what Buddhas are doing. And when you are completely yourself, you actually do reverse positions with not yourself. When you're completely yourself, you don't get stuck in being yourself.

[15:56]

You pivot with not yourself. And that pivotal relationship between yourself and all other beings is what gives rise to the wish to be Buddha for the welfare of all beings. So the wish to be awake and to teach other people how to be awake so they can be free of delusion, that wish comes from the place you want to go to. It comes from enlightenment. The wish for enlightenment comes from enlightenment. The wish to be Buddha for the welfare of all beings comes from being Buddha for the welfare of all beings.

[17:01]

That relationship gives rise to the wish go to that place. The wish to be yourself completely and therefore be free of yourself comes from being yourself and being free of yourself. Yes. Why does it have to do with fear? Why does, I just have a lot of it, but I don't understand why understanding the pivot, this is a separate thing. Why does fear, what's that? What's separate from what? The pivot. The pivot. Seeing the you as other, you as everyone else.

[18:03]

Why does that get rid of fear? Why does that do what with fear? Oh, why does that get rid of fear? Or how does it get rid of fear? Well, it doesn't exactly get rid of it, it just lets it go. So, for example, let's say you're afraid. So... In enlightenment, Buddha is living in stillness at the moment that you're afraid. When you're afraid, especially a personal pain or sickness or whatever, at that moment, the Buddha is living in the stillness of that moment. If you're willing to be there and not get away from your experience of fear, that's exactly what Buddha is doing where you are.

[19:15]

Buddha's right there with you, fully experiencing the fear just like you are, except if you use the expression, more so. you might only be experiencing the fear like 86%, or even 15%. You're afraid, but maybe you're a little bit resisting being afraid, or maybe quite a bit. But Buddha is not resisting, right now, whatever level of fear you have, Buddha is not resisting that level of fear at all. Because that level of fear, which comes, by the way, by not feeling that you're in this reciprocal relationship with everything, including the pain you feel. You think the pain is a little bit not you. You think those who are free of pain are a little bit not you.

[20:17]

You think those who have more pain than you are not you. And therefore you're kind of afraid of the people who have more pain because it might rub off on you and so on. So when I am completely still with my fear, I'm doing just what a Buddha would do with my fear at this place. Buddha as me with this fear would be still with this fear. And also, Buddha is still with this fear for the welfare of all beings. And otherwise, it's kind of hard to be still with fear. It's difficult to be still with pain. And again, if I'm not still with pain, then I often have pain and fear of pain. Or even if I'm not in pain, I'm afraid I will be, and then I am afraid and I'm in pain. So if Buddha was there, being afraid of pain and having pain, then Buddha would be just exactly like that.

[21:26]

And that would let go of the pain and the fear. And Buddha doesn't do that just as a trick, as a great feat. Buddha does it because that's what other people need, is somebody to demonstrate that and practice that. And when they see it, there's a chance that they will be encouraged to do it too. So that's what this class is for, is to encourage the Buddha which is experiencing just like you are right now, which is to be still with what you are right now. And again, fear of pain is one of the difficult things for us to be still with. Pain's difficult to be still with, but sometimes people are still with pain. For example, sometimes when women are giving

[22:30]

birth, they sometimes for a moment in the process, they give up resisting it. For a moment maybe. And then they're not afraid of it. So they have pain and letting go of fear of the pain and fear of more pain too in that moment. And then we have Buddha at that moment. It happens sometimes to people. And then the whole process is oftentimes considered to be a wonderful process, but that moment when they sometimes give up fear of the pain or more pain, that moment is a moment of Buddha. which is one of the great moments of our life, is when we're still with the pain.

[23:38]

And maybe there's no fear, or still with the pain and the fear of the pain. It's possible. So, of course, once again, Buddhas can be Buddhas as a particular pain. You have a particular pain, so then Buddha would be Buddha as that pain, at that place, at that time. It wouldn't have to be fear, but if fear did come up before Buddha, before we arrived at completely being that pain, if fear came up, then we'd have to be settled with the fear and the pain. And that's possible, too. Yes. I'm thinking about for the sake of all beings versus all beings or with all beings, like in that moment when, say, one is fully oneself, or in that moment when the pain is

[24:46]

if it's one, then that is all beings, in a way. There is no separation. That's right. In a way, for the sake of all beings, at that moment seems like a thought or an idea that's sort of extra. What's my cloud of thought? So why bring it up? Since all beings are there already, why bring them up? I think you're talking about a process as we go through our life, acts of living through acts of compassion. I think you're saying when we're not in that moment, that is an attitude that's accurate and helpful. I didn't quite follow that. Let's try that again. Never mind. You say it. I just think that you said it. Yeah, but I'd like to hear what it... I've said quite a bit.

[25:49]

Which one of the things I said are you rephrasing or whatever? Okay, well, given that we kind of... Let me rephrase it. If I'm practicing acts of compassion, I don't have to say, in a way you might say, that it's for the welfare of all beings, because when I'm practicing any old compassionate act, I'm always doing it with everybody. So why mention that I'm doing it with everybody? Because we're not always in that place. No, we are always in that place. When I lift this little piece of wood up, I'm doing it with everybody, so why mention what I just mentioned? Why should I say that I'm doing this with everybody since I already am? I'm saying it for the benefit of me and you. To remind myself and you that I'm doing this because you are pervading me right now.

[26:53]

And my actions are pervading you. I'm mentioning that in order to encourage myself to remember that. to remember what's already the case. I'm already here with you. That's already the case. Why mention it? Because I can get distracted with you. Even though I'm with you all the time, I can get distracted from the reality that I'm with you. Not only with you, but you are pervading me. That's the way it already is. I do not make you pervade me. You pervade me. And I also do not make myself pervade you. But I do. Why mention it? Because I forget it. And remembering it is the practice of it. Part of the practice of being pervaded by you and you pervading me, part of the practice is to remember that.

[27:58]

And in that way, practice it. That's what I think, too. I mean, I think that's what you're... I thought that's what you... You thought that's what I think? Doing it for the benefit of... It's a little different than pervading as... You know, it seems more... Well, it is a little different. Okay, so you're pervading me, I'm pervading you. Why I mention that I'm remembering that... For the sake of. I'm not really being pervaded... I'll just try this, okay? I'm not really being pervaded by you for your welfare. You pervade me before I have a chance even to think about your welfare. And I pervade you before I have a thought that I'm pervading you. So why bring up this thing about I'm remembering this for your benefit? Well, because... If I don't remember this, in a way I'm missing a chance to benefit you.

[29:08]

Because if I remember how you're supporting me and I'm supporting you, that helps you remember it. So the mindfulness is necessary for me to realize reality. But if I'm just doing it for myself, well, maybe I just won't, maybe I won't do it. Because it's a lot of work to keep remembering that all of you are supporting me and I'm supporting all of you. And if I get distracted and I'm the only one who's kind of like missing out on reality, well, you know, okay. You know? Like, excuse me for saying so, but sometimes I've been married for about 42 years to the same person. And sometimes during those 42 years I thought, well, I don't know if I want to keep working at this kind of hard job I have.

[30:18]

If it's just for me, you know, I can let it go. Now, I know it's not just for me because it's at least for her. But still, you know, if it's only going to bother her and then I get this big break, well, maybe that might work. Maybe I could, you know, make a deal with her. But if it's for everybody, then it's like a big problem if I don't follow through. Then I've got to make a deal with hundreds and hundreds of people to convince them that it's a good idea for me to give up on this project. Not to mention thousands. And the other way around, if I keep working at it, it's not just for me, and I can do this hard thing, and for my partner. who's also doing this hard thing, is for more than us. And that makes, for me, for kind of wimpy people like me, it really helps to do this hard thing, which is basically the hard thing of being me.

[31:31]

married for five years, and 10 years, and 15 years, and 20 years, and 25 years, and 30 years, 35 years. Me being me all those years, all those days, it's a big job. And you know, actually, I don't really need to do this. I can be a bachelor. I could be a playboy. And not even for a year, just for a couple of days. And then I can be not a playboy, no problem, because it's just for me. But it's not just for me. So I can't actually forget about that what I'm doing is for everybody. And if it's for everybody, then I can guess, well, I guess I can keep going even though it's kind of hard sometimes. And I do think of maybe an option. Yes. What's your name again? Dana? Yes, Dana.

[32:33]

Why is it for everybody? Because, as Linda mentioned, like it or not, I'm with everybody all day long. She said, why do you have to mention it's for everybody? Now you're saying it. You're not saying, why do I have to say it's for everybody? You're saying, why is it? It is because you are pervading me. And I'm pervading you. That's why it is. Everything I do has an impact on you. And I am nothing but this teaching about what Buddha is. Buddha is nothing but Us being who we are and who we are in reality is that we're with everybody else. We cannot get away from each other. Everybody, if you weren't all supporting me to be this thing that I am here right now, I wouldn't be this way. And I am the same with you, each of you.

[33:39]

And I'm not the only one that's pervading you. Everything's pervading. So that's why it is with everybody, because that's reality. And then Linda says, why mention it since it's reality? Because if I don't remember it, then I might think I have an option on being me right now, like this. this guy was having a hard time maybe i can be somebody else you know or you know yeah like maybe i don't have to have this particular pain not to mention maybe i don't have this pain and be afraid of more of it maybe i could be somebody else and if i wasn't with these people maybe i i could get away from being me but this Think about, this is about practicing acts of compassion to help me be me. Completely. And that's, for me, that's Buddha.

[34:41]

And so several hands raised, let's see, I'll call their names. There is Bill, there is Tony, there is Charlie, there is Valerie. Anybody else? Okay. Bill. Bill. Are you saying that there's nowhere for me to go because of the liver already? Yep. There's no place for you to go because you're it already. In other words, you're already Buddha.

[35:45]

It's already Buddha in them being themselves completely. And you already are yourself completely. But if you get distracted from that, then you get distracted from Buddha, and that's delusion. But you did say... I did. I did. And so the distraction, which is delusion, or the distraction from what you are, is in a pivotal, reversible position with what you are. In other words, when you're distracted, that's what you are. But you need to remember that. When you're distracted, that's what you are. If you're distracted, Buddha would be like you now. Pivotal. What do you mean? There's no Buddha. Buddha is never Buddha by itself.

[36:56]

or Buddha is never Buddha by herself or himself. Buddha is always in a pivotal relationship with living beings, with delusion. Delusion, you cannot have Buddha by itself. You always have Buddha with delusion. And Buddha with delusion, Buddha is teaching delusion to be delusion. When delusion is complete, the delusion, that's Buddha. And that is the freedom, the liberation of the delusion. And you've got the delusion, so you've got something to remember to take care of. Acts of compassion can be practiced with your own delusion, which means whatever you think about anybody. Like if you think this person would be a better president than that person, that's your delusion.

[38:02]

And that doesn't mean you push the delusion away. It means you are still with that delusion. Are you still with the delusion? Of course you are. And the stillness with that delusion is the Buddha, which is in this pivotal relationship with your delusion. But if I don't practice that, then I just feel like I want something else. But I do want to practice that because it's not just me missing out on reality, but I'm showing a bad example. Because a lot of other people are having a hard time being themselves. And that's like I say, if I got divorced, then hundreds of people would think, well, he got divorced, so I guess if he can't do it, I guess I can't do it. He's supposed to be somebody who's been practicing for a long time. If he can't do it, then I can't do it. So if he gets divorced, I'll get divorced too.

[39:05]

But turn it the other way. If he keeps working at it, I guess I can keep working at it. And he's working at it for me. He's not just doing it for his wife or for himself. He's doing it to encourage me to do the hard things that I have to be. So it's not just for me to be this deluded person and therefore Buddha. Because again, I say, well, being Buddha would be nice, but if I have to be me to be Buddha, that's, I don't know, I think, no, I don't want to do it. It's too hard. It's too hard to be this sick, stupid, whatever. Even though I know that I am, And everybody's supporting me to be. And if I get into that too much, I'm going to realize I'm here being me for everybody. I'm being this person for all of you.

[40:06]

I'm not just being me for me. Matter of fact, I'm totally doing it for everybody else. And everybody else is supporting me to do this for them. The way I really am is Buddha, and I'm doing that for all beings, and all beings are supporting me to do that, and being helped by me doing what they're supporting me to do. Tony? I have some problems with something you said earlier about if we pivot, I'm not sure I see how that happens or why I would want to have that happen. And my personal experience has been, all beings have fear.

[41:13]

It's a way to relate and join and share something. It's always not a good thing, but it's a universal thing. Isn't there a connection there, like letting it go away and re-improve something? Let's see now. I agree with what you said, and you made a gesture kind of like getting rid of something. No. But some people would like to do this with the fear. They want to do that. And you're saying, wait a minute, maybe that's not a good idea, right? Yeah. So I agree. Let's not do this kind of like sweep the fear away. I'm not recommending that. What am I recommending? I'm wrecked, huh? Yeah, and I do, yeah.

[42:16]

When you... No, wait a minute. When you don't sweep away the fear, then what do you do with it? If you don't sweep it away? You'd be still with it. You don't hold on to it either. You don't like cling to it and say, my fear, no, don't take it. And you don't try to get rid of it. You completely... Be still with the fear. That's what I'm recommending. And I just mentioned that when you do that, you will let go of it. You will realize that fear is not fear. Buddhas cannot be Buddhas by themselves. They have to be Buddhas with deluded living beings. Fear cannot be fear by itself. It has to be fear with not fear. But you hear me say that, but you're not going to understand that unless you are still with your fear. And I'm saying,

[43:18]

It helps me be still with my fear when I know that it's not just for me that I'm being still with my fear. Even though it would be great for me to be still with my fear, because then the Buddha would be realized. Still, it's so hard that it really helps me do that if I know that it's helping an infinite number of other people. So I am. And letting go of fear comes with completely being still with fear. And not being still with fear, there's fear and holding on to it, which is similar to trying to get rid of it. I visited one of the early members of the San Francisco Zen Center today at the San Leandro Kaiser Hospital. And he was in pain, and he was telling me that it was hard for him to have equanimity with the pain. He said, the pain came and went, whoa.

[44:20]

He said, it's hard for me to have equanimity with the pain. A lot of times it is, right? I'll be right back. And if I'm just, it's hard for me to be equanimous with my fear, but if I'm trying to be patient and compassionate to my fear, not just for me and what benefits it might bring me, but for how it might encourage the many beings who I'm living with, then I'm inspired to practice compassion with it rather than practice impatience, blaming somebody for it, being angry at it, trying to control it, et cetera, overdosing on pain meds, et cetera. If I have pain, why not just take some pain medication? Can I take pain medication for welfare of all beings?

[45:25]

I can. But I probably wouldn't take a really super lot of pain medication for the welfare of all beings. People, almost nobody wants me to take so much that I kind of like, well, die. They want me to take enough so like I can breathe maybe. So I say, okay, and everybody says, would you take a little pain medication, please, so you can breathe? Because your lungs are filling up with fluid because it hurts when you breathe and you don't want to breathe because it hurts. Would you take a little pain medication so you can breathe? Okay. You can take... So I am talking about sharing my pain with everybody, which is already the case, right? You are pervading my pain. My pain is pervading you. So I want to work with that pain that way. And then when I actually get there, the pain will be released.

[46:30]

And then it will come back again and be dealt with again wholeheartedly, compassionately. And by compassionately dealing with the pain, I settle into being still with it Usually we can't be still with pain right off. I shouldn't say usually. Sometimes we can't be still with the pain. Sometimes we shrink back from it or try to push it away. And fear is one way of actually pushing it away. So by being compassionate, we can settle into being still with the pain. And when that job's done, we have Buddha. And we're doing that with everybody, and we're remembering we're doing it with everybody, for everybody. Yes? Does this make sense to you? Somebody told me that there was a Tibetan master who was notorious for having chronic depression.

[47:39]

Yes, it does make sense to me. Tonight it does. When I was first practicing Zen, I thought, what? What? A Tibetan master who has depression? And I also, when I, and I didn't hear that story, I heard about a Zen master who kind of went crazy and his students, his devoted students, took him to the psychiatric facility. How can the Zen master be insane and have students who are compassionately taking care of him or her? There are such stories. And some people, even when Suzuki Roshi was dying, some people thought that dying of cancer was not such a good way for Zen masters to die. So we have various ideas like these super developed people, they won't have depression, they won't have fear, they won't have blah blah.

[48:41]

We have that. So we have this example. Somebody asked him, Master, what is this business of you? are notorious for saying that you have chronic depression. And he said, well, my experience is, I'm going to try and make this up, is so vast that my depression is like a tiny little thing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That makes sense to me. It totally does. That's the vastness of doing it for... I have this depression. It's, you know, whatever size you want to say it is. It's like as big as the room or big as Berkeley or whatever. Anyway, I got this massive chronic depression and what about like being still with it? Well, if I'm still with it just for myself, then it probably will even get more depressed.

[49:46]

But if I'm doing it for the welfare of all beings, then I'm not making it bigger or smaller. I'm just being still with it. But again, not by my own power, because I need to remember that everybody's helping me be still with whatever level of depression I've got. Let's see, there was Valerie. How is it different from supporting each other? Same. Same as supporting. Supporting and being supported. Maybe pervading is just emphasizing that the support isn't superficial. It completely pervades us. It's not like you're pervading my... my ego and my name or something, pervading my total being, and my total being is pervading you.

[50:51]

Thali? How do we know that everything we do affects others, and everything others do is not a delusion? That is a delusion. Yeah. And by being still with that delusion, you'll realize the truth of that statement. What I'm saying to you about this, these are just words and they're delusions. And those delusions about like all pervading and all pervading, those delusions, if we can be still with those delusions, that's exactly what Buddha is and Buddha understands that that's true. Buddha understands the truth of that delusion. But the delusion... What? Are there better delusions?

[51:54]

The idea that there's better delusions are, of course, another delusion. Right? And the idea that there aren't any better delusions, that's another delusion. So here's another delusion. If we can be still in the stillness of the delusion, that's where Buddha is living. But that's not to say that that's a better delusion than other delusions. It's just that that's the delusion that Buddha teaches. The beings who... the cognition... the understanding that Buddha does not exist by herself, that cognition gives this teaching. The cognition that Buddha does live by itself gives different teachings. But when the teachings touch us, they get converted into delusions in our minds.

[52:55]

But there is an instruction that the teaching is not in movement. Buddhas are living in movement. Buddhas are living and avoiding your life. However, if you're trying to avoid your life and you're still with that, Buddha is living there. And not what I just said also is another delusion. Because, you know, Buddha is not a fixed form, but it must be some form. Buddha must be Buddha as somebody or as something in order to demonstrate being still on that occasion. and we have occasions to be still with, and most of us can identify some hesitation, some resistance,

[54:10]

some lack of presence with some occasions. And once in a while, there may be moments where we have an occasion where there's no resistance, we're totally there, and these moments usually come to people who are trying to learn to be present, not just for the welfare of themselves. because there's like maybe ten things that would be somewhat nice for me, and one of them is to be still. But the other nine besides this one, you know, aren't particularly helpful to other people. Maybe. But this one is beneficial to all beings. And that's a delusion which is necessary for there to be Buddha, which is to be still with the delusion I just gave you.

[55:25]

Yes? So, I have no option to be myself, but I can try. You can try to not be yourself. I can try to have that option. Yeah, and many living beings are trying to have an option to be themselves. And the very moment that I'm trying to be somebody other than myself, I'm that person. I'm the person who's trying to be somebody else. And Buddha is not saying, you shouldn't be trying to be somebody else. Buddha is you being just like that, but totally. If you're totally, like Oscar Wilde says something like, if you work hard enough at being a fool, you become wise. Something like that. It's foolish to try to be somebody other than yourself, but you maybe find some other people who are trying, right? Like some people are trying to gain weight, some people are trying to lose weight.

[56:38]

That's okay. But when you're trying to gain weight, are you that person here and now the person who wants to gain weight? Are you that person? If you want to lose weight and you want to be cuter, are you that person completely? And whatever person it is, there's a good chance you're having trouble being that person totally. And at that moment, whatever you are, in any moment, Buddha, whatever you're experiencing, Buddha's experience is exactly like yours, except completely. And if you're like 90%, that's great. But Buddha's you being you 100%, and not 101 or 99. And that takes practice. of trying to be who you are, to have the pain you have, to not be trying to... Like the New Yorker, I haven't seen it so much in the New Yorker, but it used to be many of the cartoons in New York were people trying to make deals with divine powers to be somebody other than what they were.

[57:57]

at the gates of judgment, or when they're doing their prayers, whatever they are, they're trying to make a deal with reality, to be at least a little bit different from this. So we're well acquainted with this kind of like trying to be somebody other than what we are. And at that very moment, Buddha would not be trying to get you to be different. And some people think Buddha would be trying to get you to be different. No, Buddha's trying to help you be fully how you are. And when you're fully how you are, you realize how you are actually in a reciprocal, pivotal relationship with everybody who you aren't. and then there's no fear, and then there's, and then now you're totally now re-energized and inspired to do various little acts of kindness moment by moment.

[59:01]

No big deal. The big deal is when you give somebody a piece of wood, you do it completely. And even though, even though you give it to him, he hasn't got it yet. You know, and you do that completely. He has not got this thing yet. And I'm not in control and neither is he. but I'm working. Sistine Chapel, right? Yeah, Sistine Chapel. Trying to be right, right here, right now. Yeah, not moving. That's the way every moment is. Every moment is like that. Buddha is touching us and we are touching Buddha. every moment. Emerald. So we are believing others and others are believing us.

[60:02]

Buddha would not want us to be think other than what we are. And so if somebody is willing to maybe, maybe, maybe, interaction is because somebody could see buddha and bring that out of you because we're all kind of like in the family whether that's the person maybe um you know a lot of this interaction really can bring a lot of the uh I think I'm trying to figure out... And I'm trying to be here with you while you don't know what you're going to say. We're all connecting. We're all having this consciousness together. As we are fully, we still are erected people, which is something that I do that is really great to somebody else, and they see me as this being that could really think, and they're very kind, and they try to nurture that out of you.

[61:25]

They try to nurture what out of you? Not doing that breathing thing. Yeah. They might be doing that. But while they're trying to nurture that thing out of you, are they being still? And of course they are. Of course they are being still. They're being right there, being this get that thing out of you nurturing person. But are they practicing it? And the answer seems to be, if I ask them, if they ask me to ask them, I say, are you actually present and still while you're trying to get Emerald to be this other way? And they might say to me, well, actually, I kind of missed out on that one. I was more into getting her to be different. And I kind of got into me not being the way I was too while I was at it.

[62:30]

I wasn't like totally this person, this manipulative person. And I am trying to manipulate her into what I think would be a better version of life. That's where I'm at. I'm like a manipulator. In other words, I'm deluded. But I kind of missed out on that and got distracted into, like, getting her to be this other way, and I wasn't still with myself. But now I am. And I still want her to be different. But even more than wanting her to be different, I want her to be how she is right now completely. And I want to be who I am completely, so I will be free of wanting her to be different, and I do want her to be different. That's where I am today. And now that's gone. I don't know where it went, but now I'm not there anymore.

[63:32]

Now I'm kind of like a guy who doesn't know who she is anymore. And that's who I am. I can't even remember what I was trying to get her to be. Oh, now I remember again. And I feel really ridiculous remembering that I was that way. But I'm willing to feel ridiculous completely. And I think that would really be helpful to her because I thought she was ridiculous. And now I'm willing to be ridiculous so she can be ridiculous and together we can both be Buddha. 908. Barry. You said earlier that I don't want to get divorced because it isn't for the benefit of all beings.

[64:38]

If it was for the benefit of all beings, then I would get divorced. If my wife said it's for the benefit of all beings. Wait, wait, wait. You said both. Wait, wait, wait, wait. There's our daughter. There's our daughter. If my wife thought it was for the benefit of all beings for us to get divorced, I think it would be another big step to convince our daughter. Because her daughter doesn't want to have parents who are living in two different houses and stuff like that. It's really complicated. And then, you know, the babysitting thing gets more... Who's going to take care of the kids, the grandchildren? There's some place, there's some point where everybody would agree, well, it's for the benefit of all beings. Yeah, and that would be kind of an amazing moment if we get everybody together to agree.

[65:39]

But then maybe, you know, like 80% of the people said it's a good thing. And 20% said, no, you might want to go with the 80% because that will be for the benefit of many beings if possible. It's possible. It's possible. And what we're talking about here is walking the path of great awakening. Great Awakening could get in a situation where somehow we found out 80% of the beings in the universe thought it would be better for me to get divorced. And 20% disagreed. That's somehow this knowledge has come to us. So the practice I'm talking about is being completely there under those circumstances. With that delusion, this is a delusion, right? 80% agree, 20% don't, or 10% don't, and 10% are undecided.

[66:46]

That's a delusion we've got to work with now. So what I'm voting for is not so much making decisions on the percentages, I'm voting for being completely still with the scenario you just have set up. Right. So the example is that what I really think everybody wants me to do is to demonstrate that I'm willing to be where I am completely and to be what I am completely. And that's hard. Especially if 80% of the people say, you should be different from what you are. So what I am is a person who gets the impression that 80% of the people in this room would like me to be different from what I am. And I'm a person who hears that and feel what that's like and maybe I'm uncomfortable with that. My job is to be still with that. Buddha in my shoes, in my body, would be exactly like me 100% with these various percentages.

[67:52]

The percentages don't matter. It's like, well, is this what I need to do? The percentages don't... And I'm a person who says, is this what I need to do? And what I'm saying is, what I really need to do is be the person who's asking that question. And again, I might rather be somebody who doesn't have that question. But I do. And that's my job. And that I'm doing for everybody, not just for me. Because if it's just for me, I pass. It's easier to pass. Usually it's easier to pass on being me. Like I do have an option, right? The hardest thing for us to do is to be ourself. 100%. And that's the strange thing. It's called, we have that potential to be a Buddha.

[68:55]

That it is possible to be like that. And even to think, even to think that it's possible for me to be a person who has a question right now, like you said, and that to be that completely would be Buddha. Even to think that that's possible. At that moment, Buddha sees me thinking that that might be possible. And when Buddha sees me thinking that I could possibly be that Buddha way, I am the Buddha way at that moment. And it's hard to think of that and to think of it completely. But it's possible. it's possible for us to be who we are right here, right now. And right here, right now is where awakened life lives.

[69:59]

And it's hard to be right here, right now, and there's no limits to what right here, right now might be, how it might appear. Pressing the button again, it is now 9.14. What I really want for all living beings is Buddhahood. The unobstructed, smoothly pivoting reversibility. with all beings. I want that for all beings. I want you to be ready to pivot and reverse yourself with Buddha. And then reverse Buddha with a living being. And then reverse a living being with Buddha.

[71:03]

I want that for you. At some point in this class I might mention what happens if you don't go with the reversibility. I mean, I'll mention it right now, quickly. If we don't If we don't enter into this Buddhahood, which is being completely ourselves, which then pivots with being Buddha, which then pivots with being ourselves, Buddha is not floating in the mid-air. Buddha is us being ourselves. Us being ourselves pivots with Buddha. Buddha pivots with us being ourselves. That smooth reversibility of a deluded living being and a Buddha, that's what I want for all living beings. I want living beings to enter this pivotal relationship which is Buddha. if this pivoting gets snagged, then we get into various forms of obsessive desire and aversion.

[72:06]

And I'll talk to you more about that later. That's the fire and brimstone section of the...

[72:15]

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