The words we just chanted, I think were emerged from the mind of a practitioner that lived in Japan. And he was a disciple of another practitioner named Hakuin. I recently read a translation of a correspondence course between, a course of correspondence between Toray and Hakuin. And I would like to share that with you in the not-too-distant future at one of our one-day sittings here, to go through this very dynamic and apparently very emotional correspondence between them, where Torrey expresses his

[01:14]

very intense vows to understand the truth and also in his writings saying that he actually has had a deep realization and freedom from all kinds of things. And in the next letter he talks about a new set of problems that he has. In the next letter he talks about completely becoming free of them except that although he's free he can't express them in his daily life. And then also in this process Hakuen's writing back to him and saying, Would you please come back to my temple and help me take care of this place? And he's saying, Dear teacher, I can't come back because I have all this work to do on myself. And Hakuen's saying, You've done enough work, come back. And he writes back and says, No, but I've got to go on another 100-day retreat, or 150-day retreat.

[02:19]

And then he goes on a retreat and says, I really understand now, but I still can't come back because I have to go deeper. And to go back and forth like this for a number of years. And I wanted to share with you this because here's two... practitioners who are having great insights and still seem to at the same time be very distressed and upset with each other and with themselves. So it's like they're so human and at the same time so enlightened. It's quite interesting. They both think the other one's very enlightened and Yeah, it's a very interesting thing. And so that person, that person named Torre, wrote that vow. And in his correspondence there's a number of other vows that he makes that are similar, of similar intensity.

[03:28]

I think actually that vow was in one of the letters, the one we just chanted was in one of the letters. But he wrote different renditions of his vow that was coming up for him. We also talked about the sixteen great bodhisattva precepts this morning and we talked about the first six and then there's ten more. And here's a card which has them written on here. If you'd like to have one of these cards, they're on the table up there. And they're conveniently printed on both sides. The sixteen are printed on both sides so that you can read them upside down and right side up. Or you can read them upside down when you're sitting upright, and then you can turn them around and stand on your head and read them upside down when you're standing on your head.

[04:33]

Or you can read them right side up sitting upright and then turn around and then do a headstand and read them right side up when you're inverted. So a lot of possibilities here. Two people can read it simultaneously. Yeah, very good. That's even better. Thank you. How are you doing over there? I have to be upside down. So two people can do it simultaneously, one standing on her head and the other one sitting upright. Or you can read sideways, both of you. This way probably is easier sideways. So if you'd like to have one of these cards, you may help yourself to them. The last ten are called the ten major, you could say prohibitory precepts or ten major precepts of restraint. which are very familiar to human beings, like not killing is one of them, not stealing, not misusing sexuality, not lying, not selling intoxicants, not slandering, not praising self at the expense of others, not being possessive, not harboring your will, and not disparaging the triple treasure.

[06:00]

This is the traditional way of writing them, saying not, not, not. At Zen Center we say a disciple of Buddha does not kill. In some places they say, I vow to abstain from killing. But the way these are written, the way they're transmitted in this document, this old, this ancient way, is to say not killing, not stealing, not lying. I mean, not misusing sexuality, not lying. So it's not so much telling people not to do something or saying you're not going to do something. The precept is the precept of not killing. And when it's given, the teacher says, precept of not killing, and then the teacher says, were you, from now on and even after realizing Buddhahood, will you take care of this precept, the precept of not killing? So, like, I don't know if any of you thought you killed anything today or not.

[07:06]

You know, I didn't think, oh, I killed something today. I didn't think that thought. And nobody suggested I did. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I practiced the precept of not killing. Practicing the precept of not killing is more than just abstaining from not killing. It's understanding that precept and living it. What? Oh, did I say abstain from not killing? Yeah. So practicing this precept does not mean you abstain from killing, and it does not mean you abstain from not killing. You actually engage in not killing. But that doesn't have anything to do with abstaining from killing.

[08:15]

It has to do with what? With realizing this precept. And when we were chanting a while ago, I thought, it's like, what's it like? It's like in each thought. Have you seen a lotus in each thought? A lotus blossom in each thought? Eight times. And on each petal of the lotus there's a Buddha. That's not killing. What makes a thought into a lotus? Not killing. When a thought is not killing, the thought is a lotus blossom.

[09:17]

Not thinking not killing, but when your thought does not kill, is not killing, then your thought is a lotus blossom. When your thought is a lotus blossom, your thought is not taking what's not given. Is not killing life? Pardon? Is not killing life? Not killing is life. Life is not killing. and life is not killed. And a thought that is not killing is a thought that's a lotus blossom and there's a Buddha sitting on every petal of that thought. And it's a... Did it say it's a thousand petal lotus? Didn't say that?

[10:22]

Didn't say a thousand petal lotus? It's a thousand-petaled lotus. There's a Buddha on each petal. It can be more than a thousand. And then, so the teacher says, from now on, and even after realizing Buddhahood, will you continue to take care of each thought, not killing, each thought make each thought or find in each thought a lotus blossom with Buddhas on each petal. Will you take care of that? And someone might say, I don't know how to find a lotus in each thought. And I would say, I could imagine you don't know how to find a lotus in each thought. That's easy to understand that you wouldn't know how to do that.

[11:26]

I didn't ask you if you knew how to do it. I didn't say, do you know how to make a thought into a lotus? Do you know how to find a lotus in each thought? I didn't ask you that. I said, will you find a lotus in each thought? Will you do this thing which you have no idea what I'm talking about? which is called not killing. Will you see Buddhas in every thought? Will you pay homage to all the Buddhas that are in every thought? And some people might say, no, I won't do that. Say, okay. But that's sort of the question. Will you observe these precepts, the precept of not killing? Will you observe this precept of not stealing? Will you observe the lotus in each thought with Buddhas on each petal? Will you observe that?" And then you get to say, yes I will.

[12:35]

I have no idea how that's going to happen, but I'm going to commit myself to finding enlightenment in every thought. I'm going to observe that. I'm sorry. It's more like, am I capable? And the answer is, I don't think I'm capable. I didn't ask if you're capable. I asked you, will you? And if you think about whether you're capable or not, then you might say, no, I'm not capable. But I didn't ask you if you're capable. So I just ask you, will you commit to the precept of not killing from now on and even after realizing Buddhahood, whereupon you would understand that every thought is a lotus? From now on until you understand every thought is a lotus, will you observe that every thought is a lotus full of Buddhas, full of not killing, full of not stealing?

[13:48]

Will you observe that? Okay. I didn't ask you if you're going to judge that you did killing or judge that you didn't kill. I didn't ask you that. You may do that. If you think, oh, I killed, I'm saying when you think you've killed, in that thought, I killed, will you find Buddha? Or you say, no, I'm not going to find Buddha when I think I killed. I'm not going to find Buddha there. No. Okay? Thank you. You told me you're not going to do it. I didn't ask you if you could. This is not something you do. This is something you say, yes, I will. I'm not asking if you're capable. I'm asking if you're going to do it. If you're going to observe the precept of a lotus in every thought with Buddhas on every if you're going to observe that in every moment, are you going to do that?

[14:52]

I mean, yes, I will. Now, you might say, but what if I forget? Well, then, in the earlier part of the ceremony, which it doesn't say here, you practice confession and repentance. So if you forget to do what you said you're going to do, then you practice confession and repentance. But you don't forget what you said you're going to do until after you say you're going to do it. First you say, yes, I will, then you forget. Yes, I will. Will what? I will practice these precepts. I will observe them. I didn't say, will you never forget, will you never slip up? I didn't say that. I don't ask that. I didn't say, are you going to be perfect? I said, from now on, and even after realizing Buddhahood, will you continue to observe these precepts?

[15:53]

And some people in that ceremony say, yes, I will. If they think, I wonder if I'll be able to do it or not, that's okay. They can think that. And then while they're thinking it, they can say, yes, I will. Or they cannot think it and say, yes, I will. And after they say it, they say, what did I just say? I wonder if that's going to happen. You can wonder. But what you just said was that you vowed to find a lotus blossom in your wondering. This is not about opinions about whether you're following these precepts or not. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about, do you want to practice them? And if the answer is no, okay. If the answer is yes, the answer is yes. Will you? Doesn't mean that you're going to think you did.

[16:58]

It just means you wish to. That's what I would say, you wish to. Yes, I will. Yes, I want to. So that's what I thought I would say to you now and I think I said it. I had a conversation with Timo's uncle in Germany and he pointed out that for Kant it's the respecting the precepts that's freedom. Not the judging about whether you're going to do it or not or can do it or not. So people think, oh, I practiced the precepts or oh, they didn't practice the precepts or I didn't practice it when they did. These judgments are going to happen. But do you respect not killing? Do you respect finding enlightenment in every thought? Yes, I do.

[18:00]

That's the freedom of these precepts. That's how this ceremony is a ceremony of attaining, of touching liberation. I'm a person who forgets things, who doubts things, who judges himself and judges others. Now I'm going to do a ceremony of liberation from my mind. And I'm going to say, yes, I will. To what? to enlightenment. Yes, I will to our liberation. I respect these precepts. You ask me if I'm going to practice them? Yes, I will. My mind will judge after that. And when my mind judges that I go against them, I will confess that I went against them. And that's freedom, too. I respect the practice of confession. Yes? It's been a while since my ceremony of that sort, as I recall the words were.

[19:07]

He would say, do you bow to the mystic precept? And I would respond and say, yes, I will, as he said. And it seems like what I'm saying when I say, yes, I will, is will in the sense of having the intention. It is my will that I will do this, not that I'm capable of doing it. Right. Not predicting the future. This is my will. This is my wish right now. Yes. Yes, this is my intention. And we could change it to what you just said. However, part of the way we pay respect to Zen Center is by not changing the words every other ceremony. No matter what we say, we will interpret it. So we can interpret it Will you observe these precepts from now on and even after realizing Buddha?

[20:12]

Yes, it is my will. Yes, I will it. Yes, I wish it. I will. And this is the ceremony of liberation. You touch liberation with your tongue when you say yes. The spirit is yes to these amazing possibilities. And the other one is, I think I'm just going to keep being stuck in my mind for a while. I can't say yes to these practices, so I'm just going to stay in karmic consciousness rather than, I'm going to use karmic consciousness to make my tongue and lips say yes. Karmic consciousness is going to say yes to freedom by saying yes to these precepts, by saying yes to Buddha in every thought, including the thought of, I can't practice, I can't practice ethics.

[21:21]

But even though I think that way, I still respect the practices which I think I can't do. Somehow I respect things I can't do. And that respect, I can say, yes, I do respect. And yes, I understand that that is taught as freedom. So in the ceremonies, you're really surrendering yourself to the truth. You're surrendering yourself, yeah. Yes, you're surrendering yourself. You're surrendering yourself to every thought being a lotus blossom. So if there's a violent thought, can there be a lotus blossom if we just don't mess with it? There is a lotus blossom there. So we have to somehow be with that violent thought in such a way that we can see the lotus blossom.

[22:32]

And if we see the lotus blossom in the violent thought, no one will be harmed. But we don't deny that the location of this lotus is a violent thought. We see that appearance. We don't argue with that. We say, Oh, yeah. It's easy to see a lotus blossom if it's a nice and pleasant one. Yeah, it might be easier. Something you said this morning, you spoke of the Buddha's emanating... Dharma. Dharma. Inconceivable Dharma. ...which intersects our consciousness, gets transformed into... Something conceivable. ...mental formations. then it seems like with enough practice that we can reverse the process to realize the original Dharma, that we can transcend the karmic consciousness with sufficient practice, and then all of the Dharma no longer gets

[23:54]

The Dharma no longer is perverted into mental formations. It just becomes the Dharma within someone. Yeah. By continually receiving the inconceivable Dharma and converting it into conceivable Dharma and practicing the conceivable Dharma, we transform the basis of our addiction to making things conceivable. And then the basis of our addiction to make things conceivable is past attempts to make things conceivable. But if we just keep receiving the teaching and doing the practice in a conceivable form, the basis of our addiction to making it conceivable, of putting it into existence and nonexistence and so on, the basis will be completely converted into the inconceivable dharma.

[24:58]

And then there will be no karmic consciousness. However, the inconceivable dharma will then now, when realized, will now start emanating back to sentient beings, and the sentient beings will now provide karmic consciousness to receive the inconceivable dharma again. And the process goes on like that until everybody realizes perfect wisdom. There's something you said a long time ago, that you said, I cannot do good. Is that the same sort of thing? The notion of doing good as a mental formation or a karmic consciousness take on the actual dharma of of good? The way I hear it right now is, I cannot do good.

[26:02]

Good can only happen together with everyone else. But I can't do good by myself, and I can't even do unskillful things by myself. but to think. And I can't even think that I can do unskillful things by myself. Everybody supports me to think that I can do unskillful things by myself. And everybody supports me to think I can do skillful things by myself. But thinking that I can do something by myself is kind of unskillful. And even if it's wishing welfare to beings, if I think that I did that by myself, then that's a defiling of the good wish. So that means it's a worldly wish to benefit all beings, which is the kind I have often.

[27:03]

But I can't do worldly things by myself. Everybody supports me. And when I realize that, then I realize how everybody's supporting me to have worldly wishes, and then I'm free of worldly wishes because I don't believe anymore that I did it by myself. And if I had some idea about how everybody supported me, that's not it either. How you all support me to have whatever thoughts I have is inconceivable. and even those inconceivable. Thank you very much. I hope to... I supported you. I don't know how, but it's obvious that I did.

[28:14]

I don't know how I help you like I do. I don't know how I just do. I don't know how you support me the way you do. I don't know how you just do. And I will continue to observe that precept. That's the precept of not killing. I just said it. That's the precept of not taking what's not given. Do you see? That's the precept of not misusing sexuality. That's the precept of not lying. That's the precept of not intoxicating body or mind of self or other. Do you see? It's inconceivable, but do you see? No. That's what you think.

[29:22]

Yes, Gordon. I think I've heard it so many times, it's stuffed down into me. Finally? War. Because, like, the idea that I shall kill, you know, some of those mosquitoes and stuff like that, when I kill a mosquito, I feel pretty bad about it. Even if I'm taking a bite, just like I'm listening. So you kind of just, like, you force me into these ideas. Because sometimes I feel like... Sometimes you what? Sometimes... Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's hard. But I haven't looked. It's a long time. Thanks for the good news. Yes? Was there a hand over in this direction?

[30:23]

I just was thinking about the Jukai ceremony I went through. And at the end, you offered to the audience, the people that were there, observing to take care of us by checking in with us to make sure that we were practicing these precepts. I might have said that, but it doesn't sound like me. It sounds like you. It was me. Just now it sounded like you. I thought I heard you say that. But that didn't sound like me. Okay, but at the time it sounded like you, and it was beautiful. It was beautiful, but then my next thought... Oh, I don't want to take away me saying something beautiful. I thought, how beautiful, how whole and beautiful. And then my next thought was, those people?

[31:26]

Those family members, they can't keep track. They're unskillful, as I am unskillful. How are they going to help me? They're not going to keep track of me. Yeah, but I didn't say to keep track of you. Well, no, you didn't. Keeping track wasn't it. It was just to... You said watch out for them. Keep an eye on them. Keep an eye on them sounds more like me. Keep an eye on them. But make sure they're practicing the precepts of the Samadhi. That's a little advanced. So make sure that somebody's practicing these precepts. Did I say that? Just now you did. I did? I didn't say it. I mean, just now I said it, but that was correct. Thank you for the clarification.

[32:31]

Keep an eye on them. And then when you see them, if you don't understand how what they're doing is practicing the precepts, ask them what they're doing. Ask them how they're doing. Was that not killing that I just saw? Was that not stealing I just saw? Ask them. But after they say, yes, it was not killing, or yes, it was killing, doesn't mean now you've made sure that they did or didn't practice it. Keep an eye on them and ask them how they're doing. Ask them if they feel like they were honoring and respecting the precept just now, right then. Ask them. But when they say, yes, I was, that doesn't mean you're sure that they practiced it. It just means you did your job. You ask them, do you respect these precepts that you said you will devote your life to? And you ask them and they say, yes, I do. Was what you just did in accord with it? I don't know. Do you wish to be in accord with it?

[33:32]

Yes, I do. That's what I'm suggesting. Not to make sure that you're doing... Because again, making sure that they're doing it, you're doing it, that's just opinion. If my opinion is that you folks are all practicing the precepts, that's okay that I have that opinion. You don't mind, do you? But the important thing is not that I think you're practicing them, but that I respect the precepts. And I ask you if you do. And I say I do, and I ask you, and you say, yes, I do. Again and again, we ask ourselves, we ask others, yes, I do. And keep an eye on people so you know which direction to talk. So may I continue? Or even two eyes, keep two eyes on him. May you continue to talk? Yes, you may. Yes, you may. So my thought was, how beautiful. And then my thought was... It is beautiful. It was. This is beauty.

[34:32]

This is beauty. And then my thought was, my family, these people that are here, they're not going to ask me. So then what I'd like to say is... That's what you think. You think they're not going to ask you. And they haven't. Nobody that was there has asked me. They may need a little help. To say that they're not going to, if you would help them, you know, like you say, do you remember what Reb invited you to do? Yes, okay, thank you. Do you remember he invited you to keep an eye on me and ask me how I'm doing? Remember that? Yeah, but I didn't think you'd want me to. Actually, I just want to remind you that I would like if you did that. Okay, okay. They may need some invitation from you and some reminder from you. So now you can go home and remind them and say, that's what you think. I know, I hear that.

[35:33]

Oh, you know it. You know it. Finally, you know it. And you have more to say? Fortunately, you're allowed to do so. What I have come to recognize from time to time is that by them just being them, it allows me to become intimate with my precepts. Right, that too. Like today, you asked Carl how you were doing as a mother. Remember that? I didn't ask him how you were doing as a mother. You did. Remember? Remember what he did? What did he do? He shoved his shoulders, and then you asked him again, what did he do? He has to begin. What did he do? What did he do? He walked away. He did. That was him being him. He gave you some feedback.

[36:35]

And what did I yell? What did I yell out to him? I don't know. I missed that part. Sometimes it's okay to be the worst horse, Carl. I did. You did. I mean, you said you did. you were present i didn't catch that part i was watching jane Thank you. You're welcome. Our friends are teaching us all the time. And while they're teaching us, we can also invite them to question us on how what we're doing is in accord with the precepts and how we wish it to be in accord and whether we still want to practice them. They can invite us to do that. But before they speak, they're already teaching us. but we can invite him to teach us in this other way so they feel, oh, you really want me to support you.

[37:40]

Thank you. And if I ever say yes to these precepts, maybe I'll ask you to help me, they might think. I did recognize in that, later when I sat, that I had encouraged him to go talk to you and ask you questions. And I see that he's, no, you know, and that I... No, he does sort of ask me questions. He asked me a question today. He said, what does that character mean? I said to him, would you like to ask Rev, if you have a question, and then would you like me to ask? Because he wasn't ready to come forward. So did he ask? I asked, and then you said to him, are you wondering what to see? Yeah. So he's doing it. He's starting to ask about the Dharma. But as the mother, I have recognized, today I recognize I need to stop, because it makes a separation between you and the community.

[38:51]

You know, if I'm saying to him, go say hi to her, go ask for it, or, you know, I think it could be... Yeah, you could take a break and see what he does. See what he does if you stop saying anything. Because he's kind of, I think, how do I say? He is asking. He is asking, and then, like I say to him, he didn't ask me a question, but I say to him, sorry, there's not a work period, and he responds to me. But I say that to him because I feel he's asking me something. So it's happening, so you can keep an eye on it. You can enjoy it, watch it. It's nice for you to bring him here so you can see it with your eyes. But you might be able to see it at home too, possibly, I don't know. But it's actually happening. You've trained him pretty well, so now you can just watch him do it.

[39:57]

I think he knows how to do it now. He knows how to learn. He knows how to ask questions. He knows how to express his questions to me. Congratulations. I like having him here, too. And we all like having him here, and I think you've given him a background so you don't have to say anything anymore. I think he's got it, and we can take over from here. Because as a mother, oftentimes you do... Yeah, you've shown him your values. He's got it now. All right. So now let's just see how he does it. Thank you. It's his nest of you to bring him here so he can practice with us, as he wishes, and we'll just support him. Whatever he does, I think we'll appreciate it. Right? And we're pretty much appreciating him. And we appreciate you for bringing him and letting him get to know us and let us get to know him.

[40:57]

Yeah, he's joining the Sangha in his way. And then in a few years he can do coming of age at Green Gulch. My grandson is doing this now. And he said, if I like it, can I do it again next year? And the answer is yes, he can do it again next year because he'll still be the right age. So if Carl wants to, he can do it too in a few years. Once again, thank you everybody for another great day at this practice place. And you're all invited to come to ceremony tomorrow at three o'clock at Green Gulch for

[42:00]

people who are in this room now who will hopefully live till tomorrow and receive the Buddha's precepts and say, yes, I will. Miraculously, these outrageous possibilities, maybe they'll say, yes, I will. And you can witness it and then keep an eye on them forever. And of course, they're vowing to keep an eye on you. Thank you very much. attention equally extend to every being and place, with the pure merit of Buddha's Way.

[42:44]

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