The verses for arousing the vow by the lofty ancestor Ehe. We vow with all beings throughout this life, on and throughout. Thank you. So the great earth and all living beings together will take the food away. All of our past evil karma has freely appeared again. Indeed, being the cause and condition of obstacles and rats in the way, may all... Ancestors, let us hang the boot away.

[01:04]

Be compassion to us and free us from karmic effects. Supply us to practice the way without hindrance. May they share with us their compassion, these trills of endless universe. ...teachers, Buddha's ancestors of old, whereas we, in the future, shall be Buddha's ancestors. We are Buddha's ancestors. We are one Buddha and one ancestor. We are one Buddha and one Buddha. Because they extend their compassion to us freely and without limit, we are able to attain buddhahood and let go of the attainment. Therefore, the Chan master Mungyat said, Those who would ask life were not enlightened, though that be enlightened. So I would say the body is the fruit of many lives.

[02:04]

Before Buddhists were enlightened, they were ashamed of being enlightened. People of today are exactly as those of old. Why haven't we explored the farthest reaches of these causes and conditions? What happens is the exact transmission of a verified Buddha. Confessing and repenting as a fae, one better fae is to receive profound help from all of the best of the ancestors, while the good people begin disclosing how lack of faith and practice before the good of others calms away the root of transgressions by the power of confession and repentance. This is the purest and most counter-ruptured practice that much is in my faith, the true quality of faith. Nancy, would you move your chair a little bit that way, please?

[03:05]

Just move it that way a little bit so I can see your face. Thank you. So again, I remind you of a proposal that I'm making to you, which I've heard made. And I've heard that it's been made for 2,500 years, actually, at least 2,500 years. And the proposal is that the world we live in be transformed by the actions by the stories and the vows of all living beings.

[04:16]

And I think there's a difference between sometimes a story and a vow. So I might have the story that we're practicing together here, pretty peacefully, together, supporting each other. That's a story I could have. And that story contributes to the formation of worlds. It contributes to the formation of the world that I'm aware of living in, and it contributes to the formation of other worlds. But also a vow, I also have vows, and my vows don't have to do with necessarily what I think is going on right now. So I might have a story that we're practicing harmoniously, but I have a vow to continue to practice with beings forever.

[05:24]

But vows are similar to stories in the sense that there's a story usually in the vow. But the vows also have to do with the future and also in the story of the present, you don't necessarily promise to be in the present. But you might have a story in the present that you promise to be present, or not. The promise to be present is more the vow. The teaching about karma actually seems to be hard for people to understand because it's different than what we have been thinking. So people say to me often, they say, What should I do? Or what action should be taken?

[06:31]

I wonder what action should be taken. I hear that often. People are wondering about that. And when they say that, I usually feel they're missing a point. Not the point, but they're missing a point. And the point they're missing is that while they're saying to me, I wonder what action should be taken, they are actually acting. The question, the story that they're living in a world and they're wondering what action should be taken is an action. And that action often seems to be overlooked. The person's asking me, what should I do? What are you doing? How are you acting? But people often are wondering how they should act Yeah. How can I act?

[07:33]

How should I act? What action should I be involved with? Now, again, when a person says that, I feel like, are you noticing that you're acting right now? And they often, oh, no. They don't see that what they're doing is an action. And even if they don't say this to me, they may not know. They may be thinking, what action should I do? What action should I do? Rather than noticing, oh, I'm doing, asking that question. I mean, not I'm doing, but my mind is creating this question. So another proposal to you is that if you're active, but don't notice it, that's really too bad.

[08:36]

I should say, you are active, and if you don't notice, that is a tragic situation. It's a tragic story of an active person who doesn't notice that she's active. But you are an active person, and if you notice your activity, that will be a comedy. That will be a wonderful, epic comedy. You are active. And if you wish your actions to be good, to be excellent, to be beneficial, and even to be liberating, it's that you look at what action you're involved in now.

[09:44]

And you are involved in action now, always. And one of your actions is wondering what you should do. You don't always wonder what you do. A lot of times, like a lot, you don't necessarily wonder what I should think of this person. You just go right ahead and think of something. This person's really great. Thinking that somebody's great is a mental action, and it has consequences. I propose that to you. If you pay attention to that your mind is actively creating a story about your relationship with someone, that's the practice. Unavoidable essential practice is to notice what you're involved with. And again, if you are steady with that, your activity will evolve positively.

[10:49]

Your stories will become happier, more gracious, more fearless, more beneficent, more racial, until finally they become so good that they blow away the enclosure of your story and you get to live in the world without being confined by your story of things, even while you still are involved with the mind that conjures up stories. And also then these stories that grow up out of watching stories, the karma that grows up out of watching, the vows that grow up out of watching vows make worlds. They make multiple worlds, some of which you know and don't share with other beings, some of which you do not know and don't share, but you create.

[12:07]

So fish create our world and their world, and we create our world and fish's worlds, but we don't know fish's worlds, and fish don't know our world. But we create fish's world, of course. We don't know how it is for the fish in the water, but we can pollute their water. And they don't know what it's like in our world, but they can pollute our water. We pollute them, then they pollute us. But we don't know how it is for them, you know, in the water. They think the water is a shopping mall. We think it's flowing. Buddhists think our shopping malls are flowing. We think they're sitting still. Birds think the sky is a university. We think it's open space, etc.

[13:11]

But we make the world, we make the bird's world, the bird makes our world, we make the fish's world, the fish makes our world, Buddhas make our world, Buddha's world, but Buddhas are living in the Buddha world, and we can get into that world, but even before we get into it, we're still creating it. But our world can be better and better, what do you call it, depot or, you know, launching pad for the world of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas if we take care of our business here. And similarly, their worlds can launch them into Buddha's world and into our world if they want to come, if they take care of their business. But we have this special situation, this wonderful situation of, in our world, we've got a message about how to pay attention to what we're up to in such a way as to make this a better world, but not only just a better world, as a launching pad for supreme enlightenment.

[14:25]

which then can be brought back into this world and even make it more and more possible for beings in this world to take care of themselves and others in such a way as to make it even a better world. So that's the proposal. And the key factor here is that we are up to something Our mind is active every moment. We can't avoid that. And we can accept responsibility for being the way we are. We can accept the responsibility of being active. But we also cannot, we can also not accept the responsibility. and cause a lot of trouble for ourselves and others by not accepting responsibility for what we're doing, for what we're thinking, for the story that's arising in our mind.

[15:36]

And we don't make the story in our mind. The story is a pattern of relationship. And that pattern of relationship, the story which is a pattern of relationship, is about a pattern of relationship. And it's about a pattern of relationship. So we don't actually make the world. I don't make the world. I don't really make the world. My karma makes the world. It's the thing that I'm part of, and that's part of me. That's the key factor for making the world. So my fingernails are part of the world, but they don't really create the world. They're not the center.

[16:41]

My hair, my blood, these are not storytellers. But there's a storyteller here, and that produces stories, and the storyteller is the mind. And all beings are the mind, and this mind tells stories, and that makes worlds. I also want to tell you that I have a story that there's many ways to do a retreat, a meditation retreat. Some of you don't know this, but when I go to different places, they have different forms.

[17:47]

So in San Francisco or Green Gulch or Tassajara, they're one way. In Japan, they're another way. In Europe, they're another way. In Texas, they're another way. Each place is different. And the way that the retreats that have been done in Pittsburgh and Ohio, they also vary somewhat from time to time. And part of the reason that the form of this retreat is the way it is because of the Zen groups that are in this area or in Cleveland and also the people who come to the retreat. It varies. So there is some... There's an experimental aspect to this and there's some awkwardness in these retreats because it's not clear that the retreat's going to be this way or that way. For example, yesterday we didn't bow before this Dharma talk.

[18:53]

Today we did. And I thought, well, this is a way some of you can experience what a... start the Dharma talk in the morning more formally. And I thought, well, that's nice to see what that's like. They may not like it, but they can see what it's like. And in the afternoon we have a more informal style of gathering. You can see what that's like. So from my point of view, there's a variety of what we're doing here. We can have service or not have service. We could have a longer service or no service. And so I'm just kind of myself just, I'm playing kind of by heart or eye or ear. And I'm not attached to doing one way or another. I don't feel like we must do service three times a day. We must do these chants. I more feel like, well, maybe it'd be interesting to try it. Yesterday morning we didn't bow, partly because I said, would you set up for the lecture?

[19:57]

And then once we did, I thought it didn't work so well this morning. Let's go offer incense and do the bows and so on. So I just want to know that I'm kind of open to doing this retreat in many different ways. Catherine asked me if I wanted a bell for this chant we just did. She said, okay. She brought the bell up here so then she could go clunk. Which is a I thought you were going to announce the chance. Yeah. Right into the chance. So once again, the key The ball, you know, the ball to keep your eye on if you want to participate in the most beneficial way, if you want to make the best contribution to the formation of worlds, the ball to keep your eye on is the story in your mind.

[21:18]

There is a story in your mind. The ball's in your mind. And it's contributing to the creation of worlds. It's happening anyway. But if you'd like it to make a good contribution, keep your eye on it. Eyes on the ball. Two eyes on the ball. A million eyes on the ball. Eyes on the ball. Create... worlds of peace and harmony. And this is pretty far out for you to hear, but I just say it to you here in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, on planet Earth, that realms of perfect peace and harmony are created and do exist in this universe. They have been created by us. to such an extent that great enlightenment has been produced and Buddha lands have been built.

[22:28]

They're already in the world. They already have some. Buddhas see them and they're totally penetrating our world. They're in the same place as our world. The Buddha lands are living inside of every particle in our world. Innumerable Buddha lands are inside of every particle of our world. And by keeping your eye on the ball, this world which we all see, and fishes don't, will be positively transformed and will be a, you know, like I said, a point of departure, you know, like a diving board from which you can dive into this world, dive into this world in its totally all-inclusive Buddhiland, which is right here.

[23:36]

Participate in this world, you know, having enough conversations with people who are driving various kinds of vehicles, illuminated by by the worlds that are created by enlightened beings. You'll start to love the people. If you watch the ball, and in the process of watching the ball, you get more skillful at watching the ball, karma, the story will evolve such that you'll start to love all the beings who live in the world that you know and share.

[24:44]

You start to love them, you'll start to observe them the way you observe your karma. If you observe your karma skillfully, you'll start observing beings skillfully, because beings are in your story. So if you look at your karma, which is your story of your relationship, and you start to treat your karma openly, totally engaging it, gently, uprightly, harmoniously, and honestly, you'll start to be that way with those who are in your story. Okay? And a lot of the beings who are in your story are not watching the ball. They're not watching the ball. And because they're not watching the ball, their world formation is less than it could be, way less.

[25:45]

So you're in the world where other people, some other people are not watching the ball, or some people are watching the ball once in a while. And as a result, they're making a lot of negative contributions to their world formation. And you're watching the ball and you're making positive contributions. And they're making negative contributions. You're making positive contributions. They keep undermining what you're doing. They keep fighting what you're doing. They're not watching the ball. Or they're watching the ball once in a while unskillfully. And you're living with them and you're loving them who are fighting against the world which your practice is forming. So you come up with this full of beings and some of them are paying attention to what would be beneficial to pay attention to and some are not.

[26:50]

And you love them if you love your stories. If you love your stories and you have a story every moment you have a story to love. And the more you love the story, the more you love everything. And the more you love it, the better. But I just want to point out that some of the people you're loving are totally not loving you. They really are not paying attention to it. They're not paying attention to it. So many Zen students say, how about when I'm with people who don't practice? This is fine in the retreat, but what about when I go back to the office? Right. Treat the people in the office the same way you... Well, you will teach them to treat it the same way. You will. The way you take care of your own stories, you'll take care of the people in your office. So take care of your stories well, lovingly, and you'll take care of the people in the office who do not want to practice and who think it's stupid.

[28:00]

And you're stupid for doing that. Love them. But you only see them, you know, every now and then. Even in the office, you don't see them every moment. But your story's there every moment. And again, if you and I lovingly care for our stories... our contribution will be good. Plus, we'll also practice that way with other beings and show them how to do it. And if we really get good at it, and we really love our story, and we really love... They will start to love their stories. And they will start to make more and more positive contributions to the formation of the world. But as I often say... The way things are is there's lots of job security for this type of work.

[29:04]

So it's nice because it's really good work. We're not going to run out of it soon. But it's meaningful that... It's also painful. But again, that's something to love. Not like pain. I guess that's called masochism. Don't like pain. Don't dislike pain. Love pain. Don't dislike your stories. Love your stories. Don't like beings or dislike beings. Of course, well, I can't. Okay, I can't avoid that. Okay, I understand. But again, don't like that you like and don't dislike and don't like that you dislike and don't dislike that you dislike. Love that you dislike and love that you like. Become intimate with your likes and dislikes, even if you can't avoid them.

[30:16]

But there's a few moments where you don't. You're just in pain. Or you just have pleasure and you don't like or dislike it. There are times like that. Those times, love that pain, love that pleasure. Love that story. Love that story. Love that story. And if you wonder what to do, watch what you do when you love what you do. Okay? Love what you do and watch what comes from loving what you do. Take care of the action you're involved in right now and watch what kind of action comes out of taking care of what you're doing now. And watch what happens next. And you'll notice that the more you watch what's happening, the more the next action becomes more skillful and happy. Check it out. See if it's true. Also, if you notice how unskillful it is, the unskillfulness,

[31:21]

promotes skillfulness. And this is a tough point, I know. I think I quoted Shantideva in Being Upright where he said, something like, the supreme way of protecting beings comes through the thorough examination of our own shortcomings. Would you repeat that last part? Something like the mode of protecting beings comes through thoroughly examining our own shortcomings. And I would say that sort of commentary on lovingly. lovingly don't like or dislike your shortcomings lovingly attend to them and that will be the best way to protect beings in this world um yeah

[32:42]

So in a way, I would say you are world-formers, but really I mean your actions are world-formers. You are a being who has cognitive activity, and sort of cognitive activity is what you are, And yet it's really your cognitive form in the world, which is slightly different from you in a way. That's not symmetrical. Is that enough for starters? Hmm? Luca, you want to come up here?

[34:04]

You can move this around. The world that we form is keeping your eye can that be... like, not the ball, but our own story? And then it becomes... Wait a second. The ball is your story. Oh, you mean, can it be a story that you're keeping your eye on the ball, you mean? Yeah, and that... Yeah, like, for example, you know, to be a Buddhist and be a good person, be a practitioner, and... Be better than all those other people who aren't practicing. That story? That story. Yeah? And can one keep your eye on that ball and really carry that forward? How much better you are than other people?

[35:05]

Keeping your eye on that ball of how you're better than other people. By practicing because... Keeping your eye on the ball of how you're better than other people will protect people from you. Ah, so it's the keeping the eye on the ball? The ball can be, I'm better than other people, okay? That's a dangerous ball. If you keep an eye on that ball of I'm better than other people, unquote, then that will protect other people and you from that terrible ball of I'm better, I'm better, or, you know, our group is better, our religion is better, whatever. If you don't keep your eye on that ball, that ball will hurt people. It will get worse. It will become one more deadly, that particular ball. But even a nice ball will turn bad. But that's one that's already bad. That's a breaking of a precept right away.

[36:10]

We're better than them. Again, precepts, when you're not following them, keeping your eye on that, protects beings from that So it's not the ball. Kindly. It's not the ball, no. It's the keeping the eye. Because the ball... However, the ball does change when you keep... When you keep your eye at the ball, even before it changes, even before it changes, there's some protection of the world from the ball, if it's a negative ball. Once it's observed, there's already some protection. But then also, the observation is a positive evolutionary force, which will make this ball lead to a better ball. This ball, if you watch it, it will evolve positively.

[37:13]

If you don't watch it, it'll get worse. But the ball itself is a pivot. towards liberation or bondage. It's a pivot towards harm or benefit. The ball itself is, there's nothing really there, and that's what you'll see if you watch the ball a long time. There's not really anything there by itself. It's just that when watched, one thing happens. When watched cruelly, another thing happens. When watched lovingly, another thing happens. When it's not watched, the worst is don't watch it. So best is to Watch it lovingly. Next best is to watch it meanly. And the worst is don't look at it. Like Suzuki Roshi uses this thing of if you want to train a cow, ignore it. Next best is try to control it. But best is give it a big field. But give it a big field doesn't mean give it a big field and then go to town. It means give it a big field and also give it, keep giving it a big field.

[38:13]

Hi, sweetheart. I see you there in the big field. My eyes are on you. Oh, that was a beautiful. Give it a big field lovingly, magnanimously. Keep track of the ball and the ball will evolve positively. Try to control the cow. It's kind of good because you're paying attention anyway. But the cow kind of will fight you. Ignoring the cow, the cow will really, really get bad. He doesn't even care about me. So, what is it? It's like teenagers, you know. The teenagers who the parents don't watch, they really go bad. And the teenagers who the parents try to control, at least, they're totally terrible parents, but at least they cared enough to try to control me. Things go really badly, but they knew you were that you loved them enough to basically disrespect them.

[39:21]

Other parents didn't even disrespect them. You didn't notice them. That's like super, that's the worst. But the best is parents who are like, you know, I totally disagree with what you're doing, and, you know, I'm right here for you. Please stop that. But, you know, I know you, you know, I know I can't control you, but just, you know, offering to you out there in the field. So sitting Zazen and I'm watching all this stuff go on. Sitting, yeah, watching the stuff, yes. Yeah, sometimes you read that... As Dogen says, examine the self and so on, let go of it, but it's still running around in there. He says examine the self. He said to study the Buddha way is to study the self. And when you study the self lovingly, which is the way to study the self, then you forget the self.

[40:23]

But you don't study the self and try to forget the self. You give the self a big field and then you forget the self. And it drops away. And you can substitute for self karma. To study the Buddha way is to study karma. And to study karma lovingly and thoroughly is to forget karma. It drops away. And then everything that comes enlightens you. Sit this way, I'll change. Baby. We spent a lot of time yesterday talking about some impact on the environment and different things. They can't hear you.

[41:26]

We spent a lot of time yesterday speaking about the environment and global warming and other very sort of big things. And today I'm reminded of one of the first times I sat with Keoki Roberts. And she, I was getting ready to go into the zendo, and she came by, took my sandals, and arranged them neatly, in contrast to how I'd arranged them. Didn't say a word. And now each time I walk into the zendo or walk into my yoga class, that's one thing I have right. My shoes are lovingly, usually normally set down. And another time, Nona Chawani said, if I want to know the state of your mind, I'll look at your room. And oftentimes I'll look at my room and sort of understand the state of my mind at that point. And I guess it's very easy to sort of take it out of the realm of Zen, the idea of the circle of influence and the circle of concern. When you're talking about studying your mind and the parts you control, study self, it reminds me of the circle of influence.

[42:34]

If I focus on what I can control, then my ability to influence increases. If I focus all my energy... on other and judging and criticizing and saying I'm better, then my ability to make any change shrinks. So my question is, how do we keep the focus on what we can do moment by moment? Because I forget that a lot. Do you want to respond for me? Yes, please. So backing up a little bit, you said if we keep our eye on what we can control, then our sphere of influence gets larger. Did you say that? So I would suggest saying it in a different way. If we pay attention to what we're doing, right now, in other words, what we're doing right now, then our sphere of influence will be, our sphere will be, we will contribute to our sphere more positively.

[43:43]

If you do not, I don't think you control what you're doing, but you are doing something. And if you take good care of it, then your inner self will be more beneficial. If you're loving towards what you're doing, but I don't think you can control what you're doing, but you can pay attention to what you're doing or not, but you can't control whether you're paying attention or not. I don't think. But if you do pay attention, that tends to support paying attention again. And if somebody's saying this kind of stuff to you, that may tend to influence you to pay attention to your thinking, to what you're doing. And I wouldn't agree that your sphere of influence gets larger.

[44:46]

I think that if you don't pay attention to what you're doing, your sphere of influence is already large, but it's negative. You already have a big sphere of influence. And if we start lovingly attending to what we're up to, we will continue to have a big sphere of influence. But it will be positive, and if we don't pay attention, it will be negative. So if I pay attention to what I can control, I would say pay attention to what you're actually doing right now. Because that's really where, that's your, you know, you're the only one who can pay attention to that, the way you can pay attention to it. I can, you know, like I could adjust your shoes. But the way I'm adjusting your shoes is different than the way you would or the way you will see me adjusting them.

[45:50]

So if I pay attention to my action, then what you just said earlier is that then my next action is more likely to be positive. Yes. your current action attended to will have a more positive influence. Then your next action, which will I also... And one of the positive qualities, the positive influences of your attending to your actions is another positive action. But that's not the whole extent of it. That's an influence or a... Again, if you've got an action, even a negative action, and you give it loving attention, that tends to... That combination of negative action and loving attention tends to promote positive action.

[46:56]

But not just that. Positive worlds... But if the next positive action, which is now contributing to positive worlds, that's all good, if that's not attended to, that will tend to produce, to lead towards negative action, which produces negative worlds. See how it works? That's why you have to keep paying attention to what you're doing. And what emotions then fit into that? Emotions are part of the overall pattern of your mind at a given moment. All your emotions are included in the story. So emotions are part of mind? Emotions are part of mind and emotions are part of your karma. Your karma each moment, your action each moment includes all your emotions, all your opinions, all your judgments, all your values. It includes your whole history of...

[47:59]

actions, and also the history of the world, it's all included there. Your own cognitive version of all that is the action of your mind at that moment. And every element of it can be lovingly attended to or not. So if you're talking about delusion, then you will observe your emotions and be more likely to have the right thoughts, which leads to the right speech, to the right action? If you're coming from truth... Because you said yesterday, thought leads to words, leads to action. And if you're coming from delusion, you may or may not have a good influence on truth or Dharma. Then you're... It will leave a positive causal chain. Yeah, I think that's right. That if you're coming from truth, and then you come in, and then you're like now receiving this story... that the story will be illuminated by truth, and that will, yeah, and that will, and the story then will be, you know, most beneficially dealt with and cared for.

[49:18]

Thank you. Yes, come closer. Is this in place? So I wanted to say just as a sort of logistical thing to someone who sort of concerns everybody, I had kind of a lengthy talk with someone today regarding food allergies, I'll say. Food allergies? Yeah. She had a talk about food with somebody. And it was a lengthy talk, so the person will know who they are. And I showed them a place in the white refrigerator that comes into the kitchen where I would put some things for them. So there's going to be a blue tray in there, and I think I'll put, like, some tape on it that says, okay, so that tray is for that person. So whatever's on that tray, just leave it there. There's going to be a tray that says, okay, and that's code.

[50:21]

Right. I think it's also going to be a code. It's not code for me. If I say okay, it doesn't mean okay for me. Okay. Okay. And it might also be a code on some of the food things in the line. This does have this and it doesn't have that and all that. Okay. Okay. Okay. Thank you, Amy. And I also wanted to say feedback for you. I just wanted to confirm your teaching. I've been trying it. It seems to work. Which part? Which part? Which part? There's been a lot. Which is the part that works? They want to tell him. Tell him what you're doing. Please. Which part works?

[51:21]

Even having that conversation with the person today over her food, and this is sort of the next part of my question, but I could feel like I still had some tension in myself in that I know she had written on her registration, she can't eat certain things. And it's just like, ugh, something else to deal with. And, you know, I could carry that around, but then to just write a little note to say, let's talk about this, and then after talking about it, it was just very nice. And now it seems almost more like a fun thing. What can I put on this little blue tray instead of this big burden of, you know, trying to deal with it? Could you tell people what you were practicing? So this person, this note came, and it's kind of like something to deal with. It's a story, right? The story arose in relationship to this note. And then what did you do first with that story? What was your first response to the story?

[52:22]

Oh, is this really legitimate? You know, am I sort of a bad person if I just sort of don't deal with this for a while? Because... Well, that's another story. Okay. That story arose. What did you do with the first story? How did you relate to the first story? Let's just see this note, right? Before you, if you can get in, I think the thing you said next was kind of another story in response to it. What was your first way of relating? How did you relate to it? Impossible. It's impossible to accommodate this. But that is another story. But it's a little closer to like, I would say you kind of lean back. Oh, okay. You kind of went like this. Right. It was hard for you to, this thing came. shock you know and it was hard for you to stay upright so you kind of leaned back and then from there you kind of like then another story arose which was well maybe I'd be a terrible person or something if I don't take care of this person and then but maybe to that one we're a little bit more upright I don't know say okay yeah maybe I would be a terrible person right okay well

[53:49]

Maybe I'll write him a note. So maybe at some point you found your uprightness again, and then you gave the note, and then the person came, and you were kind of gentle and upright, and somehow you found this way to be there, which was happy, right? Yeah. Then I had a question, and it sort of keeps changing. So it was starting out of, should I feel bad? But since it's a should question, I know it's off right there. So then it sort of turned into... Yeah, and how is it off? In what way is a should question there off? Looking for a solid ground to stand on. Looking for a solid ground to stand for, but also you missed how you do feel. Mm-hmm. And then you think, how should I feel? Well, first of all, how do you feel? Mm-hmm. And then I feel blah, blah, blah. This is not a matter of should, this is a matter of this is how I do feel.

[54:52]

And from being aware of how you do feel, you will evolve into feeling what you want to feel. Not, you know, should maybe in the sense of should if you want to be happy. But basically, forget about should and just you'll be happy if you take care of how you do feel. But a lot of times when we say should, we overlook how we are. and the roots going down in the mud to make the lotus. The roots are starting to go down there and we think, where should the roots go? Where are they going? Oh, they're going down. Okay. And that's where your strength is, is like relating to this world in a loving way, in an embracing way, like embracing and sustaining. You embrace the mud and you're sustained by the mud. And you sustain the mud. You make the mud a successful lotus support. Okay?

[55:55]

So the should, you see, part of the should, it takes you away from the person who has been made by the whole universe. And now, if you take care of this person, you'll get another one of these universe creations, rather than what should she be next? You will be something next, but if it comes from what you are, it's not going to be as good as if it comes from where you are. So the should is tipping you off, whoops, I'm off balance, right? Getting into the future, come back. How is this person? What do I feel like? Okay, I don't feel bad, whether I should or not. Yeah, I don't feel bad whether I should or not. I feel this way. I don't know how I should feel, but this is the way I feel. Then listening to Al talk, I guess my question is partly, is this a story?

[56:59]

What I've been going on, since there's so much going on in my mind all the time, and historically I've been a very mind-oriented person, so now I'm sort of more of a feeling. That's a mind, too. Feelings are in the mind. Maybe you mean reasoning or thinking type? There's a lot of chatter there. Okay. But there's feeling in the chatter, too. So now you're noticing the feeling more. The only thing I'm getting to where I trust is kind of physical sensation. Sometimes I feel like I can feel in my body If I've had a conflict with someone, or even maybe I said something in what I thought was innocence, and then they give me this look, and then I... I wouldn't trust the feelings. I trust being aware of them. Trust being aware of them. The feelings that I trust, not the feelings.

[58:03]

It's the awareness of the story that I trust, not the stories. Okay. It's the awareness... Because you can have bad feelings, and if you're aware, you'll start cooking. You can have good feelings if you're not aware. So I think, I hear your report as saying you're now becoming more aware. You're more aware of feelings than you used to be. It's the increase of awareness that I think is good. You don't have more feelings. You're just more aware of them. Which is good. I'm also becoming aware that I only feel that things need to be addressed when I have a bad feeling. So you're aware of that. That's good too. And that's a, yeah, that's a pattern that you're noticing. And that pattern, you could say something about the pattern, but the important thing is that you're noticing it now.

[59:05]

And as you notice it, we're going to have some good stuff coming. Thanks. Yes. We're a little bit on the retreat topic. I thought I would share a story that affects the group. It's a story I've created. It was in part sparked by two comments in the last two days. The first was that the public taught me what my title was. And I had aversion to the question, so I leaned back.

[60:09]

And I just said, I don't have a title. I'm just Helper Girl. Because I think what I didn't want was to be held for Green Mountains Walking. And then the next question was, well, what is Green Mountains Walking? Which I think loosely you could say is the organizing group for this event. But I think more than that, it's just a name on a checking account. And then the next thing that happened, someone asked me, who was I going to hand some information over to at the end of this retreat? Because I hadn't committed to helping to organize another one yet. And I felt immediate tension and pressure. And fear, because I feel a deep investment in wishing to bring you to teach in this region. And I feel entirely supported by everyone who's here.

[61:15]

This retreat did not happen just because of me. A lot of busy work. But people had to invest their time and commitment and travel. And so we are creating this wonderful thing. And yet, I feel this impending doom of Wednesday. Some people will be leaving today. I feel tension rising already around this story. And I wanted to thank you for the way that you're leading this retreat this sense of relaxed and sort of make it up as we go along because this nature to just i feel like the bell ringer if the bell doesn't get rung right what's the outcome you know it's it's not so tragic so i generally feel that and [...] enjoying having that reinforced and i wanted to thank you for

[62:19]

My responsibility is over to you as the coordinator when we started because it has allowed me to just participate in a very free way. And so that's been very enriching. And then I have support from everyone who's supporting me and not having a lot of responsibility. So I feel entirely supported. Now I sort of feel this sense of needing to because of my fear of what happens next. And if I look at what I'm doing now, then I can say, well, I'm being upright by addressing to a supportive community, to you. And that feels resonant and good. I don't feel that there needs to be an immediate answer other than the confession that I feel tension and grief. Grasping that I wish for you to come back, grasping that I wish for Green Mountains walking to meet again.

[63:27]

These are all things that lead to my own suffering. So I can do a thorough sort of, I get that sense of where the, and then I think, well, that's where my knowing stops. So then I think, well, then I need to ask you what next with this story. The second to last thing you said was, I reached this unknowing. And then you said something about, what next? Right? And I thought, well, this seems like a big opportunity here for you, and since you're telling us about this, for all of us.

[64:40]

to enjoy the rest of the retreat and have a big unknowing there. And not today saying, oh yes, next will be X, now we can go back and what? Where's the unknowing then? We just eliminated it by deciding what's going to be next. So in some ways, the fact that the experience of an unknowing seems nice. We're sitting at the edge of this huge cliff, and there's this vast, misty space out there, and we don't know what's going to happen in the future. I love it. You know? And just, you know, just let it be that way. You ready for that?

[65:43]

That feels wonderful, being in bliss on that one. And if people keep asking you questions during the retreat, yes, did you want to say something? Do you want to not move? I'd like you to do like the other people. If you want to ask a question, come up. Okay. You can come up here if you want to. I'm sorry, the sense of false accusation which raises the self came up very quickly.

[67:02]

I didn't ask who Jean was going to give this information to. I said, I don't know who you're going to give this information to. I was turning it over to her. It was the sign-in list from the public talk because she has the rest of the information that that would be part of. giving it to her. And he said, I don't know who you're giving this to. I may have said, is it all right if I give you this, or can you take this? But I didn't ask who she was giving it to. And maybe that's not an important point to anybody else, but because of how it affected her, I really felt like I had, I became the mark of the person who wants to solve this question that usually isn't even raised until the last time. That's all I wanted to say. And I feel a lot of confusion about confused communication.

[68:09]

You feel confusion? I feel a lot of pain around what I experience as confused communication. And I don't always stand up and say, wait a minute, but this is what I really felt. I just really felt misunderstood. I said I felt misunderstood. And it's painful when you feel misunderstood. Cass, I just can't hear you. Did you want somebody to hear you? Hmm? I said I felt misunderstood, and it is painful to feel misunderstood. And did you hear how angry I felt? We didn't hear that. Funny thing.

[69:11]

You didn't mention that. Even quietly. In the pain, there was anger. In the pain of repeating myself, there was anger. There wasn't? Not that I felt as angry, I just felt... What were you angry about? Just now? Yeah. Having to repeat myself and not be heard. I mean, having not been heard and having to repeat myself. So you're angry that people couldn't hear you? I guess it was my own fault. It just... You see, Catherine, you wanted... You came up here to talk and the people couldn't hear you. Then they asked you to... I didn't mind when Lynn just asked for that one word. Other people were also saying they couldn't hear you. I appreciate their need to hear me. I wasn't angry at them. Well, you're angry. I think I'm angry at you. I think you've given us a big feel and not paid attention to what we're doing. And I'm carrying that story, and it goes away, and then it's coming back again.

[70:19]

You didn't say that earlier. No, I forgot about it until just now. I did think of that when you were talking about the big field. Well, are you? I mean, you're paying attention to it when you're in the room, the big field. When I'm in this room, I'm paying attention. But when I walk out the door, then what happens? Well, you're paying attention to wherever you are then. I don't know either you're paying attention. But the field might be somewhere else. So what's the teaching I've been given? Will you repeat that? What's the teaching I've been offering? Offering. How does it? Yeah, keep your eye on the ball. Are you keeping your eye on the balls? I am. Balls? Well, balls being, you know.

[71:21]

Oh, moment by moment. Ball, ball, ball, ball. So you have a story that I'm not paying attention to you guys in the field, right? A couple times I have that story. Huh? A couple times I have that story. Yeah, so the story, the teaching is to be lovingly attending to the story. What do you mean? These stories. And are you loving attending to these stories? Yeah, I don't have that story now. May I speak before you go? Sure, Jean. Really, I love that story. And what's striking about it is that my story, I mean, I may have misrepresented what you said or paraphrased what you said inaccurately. I'm sorry. But that's how important it is. In my story, it really wasn't, it could have been anyone who said that.

[72:26]

What triggered the fear for me was my own holding myself responsible for keeping this going. question that you asked and then the question about my title were the two things that stuck out in the last couple days. So can I ask you if am i in a position where i've caused harm that i should make an amends and about having either misheard or misrepresented because when i spoke that i certainly had no intention of demonizing you to the group and wonder if anyone else saw that as a demonizing comment i just started On my own part, yeah, kind of. So now I'm asking you, what have you heard, and how would you advise me in this communication toward generosity, wholeheartedness, and love?

[73:32]

How would I advise you? Yes. Well, first of all, I advised you to enjoy this unknown, and also just to notice that it sounded like you were looking, you had a story that It sounded like for a moment there you had a story that you were responsible to make sure that, you were responsible kind of by yourself for my return visit. And then you sort of said, everybody's supporting me. But it seemed like that wasn't the problem for you, that everybody's supporting you. The problem is that you, by yourself, are responsible. You, by yourself, could drop the ball, and then the next retreat wouldn't happen. That seemed like that really bothered you, I think, that fleeting moment of, it's all on you, that's doom. But then you said, oh, but everybody's supporting me, and you kind of felt okay.

[74:39]

You were flirting with this thing of, what are you going to do with the information? Mm-hmm. And if you don't pass it off properly, what's going to happen? Who's going to take the, who's going to, there was a moment like that where it looked like it was all focusing in on you and you're caught by that. That seemed like what bought. Right, because that's the grand unknown. Anyone want to raise their hand? Yes, yes, yes. At some point, there may be some attempt to think of who wants to make some effort to organize future retreats. That may occur. In retreat, it's nice to... If the issue comes up, it's nice to sort of say, well, we don't know. And we might decide that during the retreat we're not going to try to find out who. But that means we won't know. Maybe. Unless you already know.

[75:39]

So there's... So coming into the retreat, there wasn't a coming into the retreat, and before it started, we knew who was going to organize the next one. So then once somebody noticed that, oh, nobody's come forward to that responsibility. So now we notice that, and for the rest of the retreat, maybe we won't know. And maybe there'll be several days after the retreat where we won't know, too. Maybe several decades. We don't know, right? In the story, the part where you seem to really feel the stress was when it seemed like it was your thing and you had it, and what are you going to do with it? That focus on you by yourself, that seemed like that was hard for you. And the word title kind of brought that up. And I specifically didn't want you to have to think about this stuff during the retreat.

[76:46]

That's why I said when the retreat starts, you just pass off your stuff. And you're not going to be a person that people are coming to talk to during the retreat. So this is part of the silence thing. I, during this retreat, I kind of wanted, like, about two people to be the people that are the focus of people talking. I didn't want you to be talking to each other about more or less anything, except maybe, you know, where the carrots are or something, or, you know, light the incense now, but... And in fact, it's hard for people to actually not talk to each other and ask each other questions and get each other involved. And some artists come and told me that they invited someone to go for a walk, and on the walk they started talking to each other. And if you go up to somebody and say, I know this is a silent retreat, but I just want to know if it's okay with you if I talk to you, then what are they going to do?

[77:49]

Like, If I don't talk to them, maybe I'm being rude or something. So then do you have a conversation? Or you just start talking. Of course, it's ridiculous to have a conversation during a silent retreat about whether you're going to have a conversation. So then you just start talking, to avoid that ridiculous thing. But then you think, well, I wonder if they wanted to talk, because I didn't ask them if they did. And maybe they just want to be rude or whatever. So these kinds of decisions, they're part of our daily life. And during retreats, it's an opportunity maybe to talk to one person about this kind of stuff, or two people about this kind of stuff, like the leader. Maybe that's just enough, rather than everybody talking to everybody about whether we're going to be having conversations. But it's difficult because, you know, particularly when I went to Texas, I noticed they... I went to Texas.

[78:55]

I didn't say, they didn't say, would you come to Texas? And I said, yes, I will come to Texas. I didn't say that. I went to Texas. They wanted to have a silent retreat. So I come and they're talking to each other all the time. And it's lovely, you know, because they love each other and they like to talk to each other all the time. And they did. And I've been going there for 14 years. And in the last few years, quiet down. Not by me, but by them actually saying to their friends, you know, their loving close friends, you know, I think this is, I'd like to be quieter in this retreat. They've clearly enough established that they love each other, that they can, you know, this is a silence, quiet. They can finally, they're finally quieting down. But it took about, it took 10 years. But I really did look at them and I really think, these people really love each other. They come out from Houston into this retreat center and they're spending time together and they just love each other.

[80:01]

They want to chat and just have a great time. And so it served that purpose of maybe building a nice community. And then now they're strong enough and confident enough that they love each other that they can be quiet. Like my wife, you know, sometimes has silent retreats in her house. And she doesn't have to worry about my feelings if she's just not talking for half a day or a day. I can say, yeah, you can be quiet for the day. So that's part of what you're feeling your way here with this retreat is. Now, the feeling of love and connection is most important, but can we also be quiet together in that way? And remember that if you start talking with someone, it's pretty hard for them, if they don't want to talk, it's pretty hard for them to figure out a way to tell you that.

[81:05]

If somebody comes up and talks to you, it's kind of hard for you to figure out a way to tell them that way. You're not pushing them away. So there are some people, like me, who are here, who, you know, I'm up to pretty much any time. But you know that that's going to be a... It's not a light... It's a major thing, right? So you're careful about it. And I have assistants to help me with that. So it works out pretty well. I don't know if you've been holding back. You've been wanting to talk to me. There is a venue. This is incidentally coming up today. I'm getting feedback that people are struggling with this issue of silence. Issue of silence? Two people have come to talk to me in this silent retreat. One person said, I thought this was a silent retreat. And yet I'm seeing some talking going on that doesn't seem in accord with that.

[82:11]

And somebody else came and told me that they actually did sort of get into quite a bit of talking with someone, and that was, it was a warm and friendly talk, but still, you know, that person might not have wanted to talk to them, even though that person loves them. And, you know, so, these are some issues to... It's part of, you know, being together. Are you pushing the person away or are you just doing a form? And I see your hand, but in this retreat you have to come up if you want. But it's kind of full up there right now. Yeah, I'd like to respond to Jean's question, and then I'll... I don't feel that you have to make amends or apologize or anything. I just wanted to clarify the... Because after you had said what you had said and then it got amplified more, it felt like I was responsible for something much bigger than... It felt like it sounded like...

[83:19]

for something that wasn't the position I was... I wasn't expressing a position or that question. So I just wanted to clarify it, and I thought you heard my clarification, and everybody else did, so once I was asked to speak up. And I'm sorry that by saying I felt demonized, I didn't mean to... I just meant that I felt that sense of accusation that causes, you know, a big kind of emotional... wish to defend oneself to arise. And I would also like to acknowledge, I just learned something by listening to what you said, which is that speaking of silence between us caused me a great deal of stress and that that would have been avoided if we had been true to the nature of being silent in retreat. So maybe that's a good lesson for us. All of us to be aware of that when we maintain silence, we give each other the room to practice. Better for me to give it to you the night before we had gone to work.

[84:24]

At the end of the retreat, which what you said, these things usually don't come up until the end of the retreat. So who's going to do it next comes up. So perhaps waiting until the end of the retreat would have been a good time to hand that to me. Helpful, very helpful conversation. Great. In the last few years in Houston, there's a teacher. In your story about Houston, I felt like there's also been a teacher the last few years in Houston, which might have also helped support their practice of silence. Lin and then Don. Thank you.

[85:29]

I was wondering if you would maybe speak to why we do practice silence, what the benefits are, and why a silent retreat. I think many people don't have any particular idea or understand what the benefit will be or why we're doing this in silence. Okay. Well, one of the reasons for being silent is that it's a retreat from talking. So most people are talking a lot, and so sometimes in some situations you get a chance to see what it's like when you don't talk. When you're quiet, you hear things that you don't hear when you're talking. Like you, yeah, so when you're quiet, you sometimes hear that you're afraid and that you're angry and et cetera.

[86:36]

But if you're talking, sometimes you can't hear that stuff or you hear that you're in grieving. So the silence... sometimes in the silence things are revealed that it's hard for us to discover when we're making conversation. And also some other people sometimes where they can practice silence, but even though they want to practice it in their daily life situation, they can't find people who will cooperate with it. So they want to go someplace. Some people desire this, so silence also can support other people who want that. So maybe that's something about the virtues, some of the virtues of silence. One could go on and talk a great deal about the virtues of silence. Do you want a little bit more about silence?

[87:43]

I could, but I'd rather not. Would you like to go on a lot more about it yourself? You asked... It's sitting down, but it's getting up and down. Well, please be very gentle about it. Sometimes it's fun falling over. Yeah, great. You, at a certain point, asked, in the various discussions, how the... You asked something, and I can't really remember it, but about the sense of the retreat and...

[88:49]

Is it sort of, well, anyway, my sense is you had mentioned creating worlds and that in these discussions we're creating worlds. We're always creating worlds. But in this discussion, we're creating worlds too. And in some sense, these discussions are what he liked, consciously creating imagination, which then uplifts our world that we're ordinarily living in. So to get together, and that's another advantage of a retreat, to get together and consciously create another world, or imaginatively create another world, uplifts our world, which we're with our imagination, but it's created by so many beings that we forget that we don't have a sense of creating it. When we get together in a smaller group and create another world together, it helps us get in touch with how we are always creating a group.

[90:01]

And that world, which we're dealing with a huge world, which we don't have so much a sense that we're creating it, that world we often feel very oppressed by and suffering with. But creating another world can be a real encouragement for us to live in our ordinary world, which we create. So that's another part of a retreat, what a sangha can do. when they actively create together and they actually are testing their ability to be creative together. I know that we're just making fantasy world too. And we could even be real rigid about it. We could create a real rigid world here. If we all could be in touch with that, we're just doing it imaginatively. We could make a world where if a bell is hit improperly, it's like really... We could make a world like that.

[91:04]

We're going to really get upset about somebody hitting a bell at the wrong time. We could make a world like that, which is ridiculous in a way, but uplifting maybe if we're participating, that we just made this up. That process that is confusing to me, because the sense I get is you're asking us to look at the worlds we create, but my sense is... No, no, no. I don't mind you looking at the worlds you're creating, but I'm asking you to pay attention to is your story is not one of the worlds no no no no no no my story of the world is not the world because you have a different story of the world we have different stories of this world however we share the world is produced by our stories and i'm not saying to ignore the world i'm just saying people do pay attention people do pay attention to the world which we create

[92:10]

Like, people are paying attention to global warming now and the Iraq war and the Burmese situation. Okay, we're paying attention to that. And our stories create these worlds. But what people are not paying attention to is their stories. I'm encouraging you to pay attention to your stories. Your stories are about the world, but they're not just about the world. They're about your relationship to the world, and they're about your feelings. But other people... are not too much about your feelings. They're about their relationship and their feelings towards you. They might have stories about your feelings, but actually most people in this room right now do not have a story about the feelings of each individual person in this room. ...sense of their own feeling. That's their story. So I'm saying it's different to pay attention to your story of the world than to pay attention to the world. Not the same. The story of the world and the world is not the same.

[93:13]

The world is produced by stories of the world. And if you overlook your story, then I'm saying your contribution to the world will not be as good. My sticking point is even paying attention to my story is a story. Yeah, and I say no. The awareness of the story... Consciousness itself is not a story, but consciousness arises with a story. The awareness of the story is not a story. It's just clear light. It's that awareness. Awareness comes, the mind, the basic awareness, what we call intention. It comes with many mental factors. It comes with feelings. It comes with other emotions like greed, hate and delusion. Mind comes with greed, hate and delusion and many feelings, positive and negative feelings.

[94:16]

There's a pattern in the mind. The pattern is the story. The awareness can know the story, but also the awareness can know parts of the story. And most people's awareness is not paying attention to the story or the intention that's arising with it. But the awareness is not a story. Now, you can have a story that you're paying attention, but that's not paying attention. Yeah, that's the issue for me. It's that second step. You can make a story that you're practicing this way, but then you can be aware that you have that story that you're practicing this way. And then also you deny that, but you can have a sense of how you're paying attention to the story too. And that's what I'm trying to develop, a way of being aware of your story.

[95:24]

But the awareness and the way you're aware of the story is not another story. Is that being upright within the awareness of? There's various kinds of awareness, and awareness is leaning about the story. Yeah, that's what I was saying. The leaning thing is making up another story of the story. No, not necessarily. It's just leaning into the story. If you're upright with the story, the story will have consequences. If you're not upright with the story, the story will have consequences. If you're upright with your stories, your stories will have more and more beneficial consequences. Even if you have a negative story and you're upright with it, the uprightness with it will tend to promote a positive evolution of this negative story. If you're not upright with a positive story, that will interfere with its positive unfoldment. And if you're not enjoying your awareness of your story, that's the worst.

[96:30]

So worst is to not be aware of the story. That's ignoring the cow. Next best is to try to control the cow. That's leaning into the cow. But the best is just be loving to the cow. He goes, you love it. You don't hate it. You don't love it. I mean, you love it. You don't hate it or dislike it. That's the best way to be with the cow. And that's a type of consciousness, a balanced consciousness of your story. So you got the stories, you got the consciousness. Now we're trying to develop better and better ways of studying the consciousness. And as you study the story, your consciousness becomes more upright. So one side of what I'm teaching is epistemology and the other is psychology.

[97:32]

By studying your psychology, by studying your stories, your epistemologies will get better. The kind of consciousness you have, the kind of way you know, will become more and more upright and gentle and harmonious and enlightened as you study your karma, your psychology. And as you study your psychology, your psychology will evolve positively. As you study that positive evolution, your consciousness will also. So both your consciousness and what you're doing in the world will both co-evolve positively. That's what I'm proposing to you. That's a story. Yesterday you said the bright also has flexibility. Well, I'm saying be flexible, harmonious, honest and upright. You can be upright without being flexible.

[98:35]

And you can be flexible without being upright. So I'm trying to get you to do all these four at once. To be harmonious and peaceful and flexible and gentle. Gentle, flexible, tender. That's one kind of element. That makes the upright thing able to turn. Okay? You want to learn to turn and pivot as you get stimulation in this universe. People come and stroke you gently. People poke their finger at you. People spit at you. People say you're great. All this stuff happens to you. You want to be upright. But one of the ways to be upright is to be flexible so that when they whack you, you can turn with it. You know. Rather than, you're upright, you're a target, right? If you're stiff, it's hard to stay upright. But if you can turn a little bit, so the gentleness and the tenderness and the flexibility go with the uprightness, and the honesty goes with the uprightness, and the harmony goes, all these go together.

[99:43]

And this is a way to study your stories, to study your psychology. And this causes the psychology to become healthier and the consciousness to become healthier. The point is to produce this enlightened consciousness. And psychology usually evolves positively with it, but once this consciousness is developed, it can then look at terrible psychologies and still help all the other beings who have these terrible psychologies. So it's not just to make your psychology better and better and better, but that does happen. Also bring your consciousness up with it so that you have a good psychological life. You have nice stories about people. You appreciate people. But also you're enlightened about the ungraspability and the radiance of this story. You can come and deal with all the terrible stories in the world and show other people how to study them.

[100:46]

It's quite an assignment. It's quite an assignment. It's getting close to time for service, so this might be one of the last expressions. When you were talking about the cow. I bet they can't hear you. What? Like how? Can you hear her now? And then you mentioned parenting. And, you know, the best and the second best and the worst kind of parenting. And I thought about my sister who's having some difficulty parenting. And I thought, maybe the thing she's doing is the best parenting. And all the rest of us are trying to get her to put a little structure into her life and say, don't get those kids sometimes. Society.

[101:52]

They're out of control. Control your children. Society generally doesn't say ignore your children, but it often says control your children. So there's a lot of pressure on us to do the second best way of caring for people. Yeah. So it brought to my mind the question, gee, I could tell her this little picture, and that might make it easier for her to... to listen to herself and how she relates to her children. Or, you know. So I jumped right away to what should I do. It isn't exactly easier to care for your children this way. And it isn't exactly easier to care for yourself. It's just that it's the way of caring for your children and yourself in which, it's the mode in which you will see Buddha. It's the mode in which you'll see the Buddha right now teaching.

[102:54]

That's all. But it's not easy. Actually, it's actually harder. And most people, when they hear about it, shrink back. But then we try to encourage ourselves and others to do this hard thing because it depends. Great. If you do this hard thing called opening the field to all these behaviors, all these behaviors, all these beings, it's very difficult in the duties that are involved there. If you say, I'm not opening the whole field, I'm just doing this little thing here, then, you know, It's miserable, but it's not difficult. Ignoring is really easy. It doesn't take much effort to ignore. Most people are really good at it.

[103:57]

But it's a way of misery and cruelty. So doing the wide field way... Well, so I hear that, and this little concern comes up. It's like, oh, I don't know if she's stable enough to do the hardest way. Of course, it's not my choice. It's hers. But should I be encouraging her to do the hardest thing? Yes. Oh. Definitely encourage it. But encourage it doesn't mean control her into doing the hard thing. No. It means the way to encourage her to do the hard thing is to do it with her. Give her a big field. encouraged by people to control her children and she's like bearing down on them and crunching them into little compartments to get them to be good little people if she was yes you know the open field way would be to let her keep doing it i just love her he's trying to control and you know what

[105:03]

You know, if she's trying to get the neighbors to think she's doing a good job, she's trying to win the best, whatever she's doing, you give her a big field. That is what will encourage her to do a big field. Now, you could occasionally, kind of like what I do, do a little, what do you call it, some little drama where you pretend to try to control her. Like you're going to say, I'm going to control you into being this. You know, you could kind of do that just to show her. And she said, what are you doing that for? See, it doesn't mean you might not look like you're trying to control them in order to show them the big field. So that's part of what Zen's about, is to get the people, try to control the people, get them in straight rows, get them to come on time, you know. Do that with them as a way of showing them the big field. It's sometimes very skillfully offered that way. But if you practice that way with her, she'll feel the love in it, and that love will help her have confidence that she could practice that way too.

[106:11]

I don't know when, but if you just keep it up, she'll gradually feel enough love. It's by feeling a lot of love that you dare to love other people that way. Now, sometimes... Trying to love them that way makes you feel more love, too. It can go both ways. If you open up, sometimes you see, oh, they love me. Sometimes you see, oh, they love me. I guess that could open up. It can go both ways. That make sense? Yeah. Thanks. But you didn't come up. Do you want us to come up? Yeah. I think maybe so. Because my watch is fast. Yeah. What time do you have? Quarter after. Yeah. I didn't know what time we'd break. I've been listening to the conversation very carefully.

[107:14]

I'm sorry, I'm hoarse. No, I can speak loudly. I just don't know if I can produce it. When you were saying that giving your attention to your story is a beneficial, a more likely beneficial outcome. Somehow I was getting caught in positive and negative outcomes of duality and suffering and samsara. And I saw it here, enacted people going after cause and effect, cause and effect, and it's endless.

[108:14]

and difficult to listen to, because I always feel that it doesn't have to be that way. And Huckwins Fox came to me and said, you know, an enlightened being is not blind to cause and effect. So it does unfold, but I think... Perhaps I interpreted, this is how I interpreted what you say, that that attention that we give it, you know, when it arises that way, and the story that we are ready to leap into and act out and precipitate, that attention that you speak of to me has to be one that cannot be attached to that story that you see unfolding and that you are a participant in. Yeah.

[109:17]

Well, we're training at not being upright. Right. But that's the same as saying being upright. We're training at being upright. Upright, you don't... Leaning into the story is attaching to its truth. So leaning into it, attaching to it, attaching to it is not upright. Non-attachment... is open to non-attachment through being upright with the story. But watching it. Watching it. Yes. Because the highly cultivated person is not blind to this cause and effect. They're watching it. But they're not watching it like trying to control it. And they're not trying to control it. They're watching it in a very similar way to watching this vast unknown. They're watching the vast unknown, but they're also seeing all these stories play out. And they're kind of like, I wonder what is thus coming.

[110:19]

What's the Buddha here? So this upright awareness. They are intentionally believing to everything.

[110:41]

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