As you may have noticed, I just rang the bell. Before that, it appeared that we were all sitting here without moving, or you could say we were all sitting still. I rang the bell, and people moved a little bit. So I could ring the bell again, and you could either move or not. This time nobody moved.

[01:07]

But when I said that, some people moved in laughter. So I would like it if, you know, when I ring this bell, that you're not moving when I ring it. And that after I ring it, you're also not moving. You're not moving. When I inhale, I would like to be still. When I exhale, I wish to be still.

[02:12]

When I'm thinking, I wish to be still. And I think The reason I want to be still is because I believe in the teachings of this tradition, which are that being still is enlightenment. Being still is being authentic. Being authentic is being still. So I'm trying to practice being still all the time.

[03:26]

Inhale. In a sense, there seems to be movement, but I want to be myself. I'm moving. I'm exhaling. I want to be myself. Authentically, genuinely be myself. Exhaling. with the belief in the teaching that to be authentically a breathing person is enlightened. To be authentically, genuinely a person transforms the world. So I would like it if I could speak to you and simultaneously practice being still, that I could speak with you and not be distracted from completely being genuine while I speak.

[04:56]

When I'm silent, to be genuinely who I am when I'm silent. And it seems appropriate that we sit still. It seems appropriate sometimes to ring a bell so that we can arise and walk And to ring a bell again so that we can sit. And to ring a bell again so we can converse. And to ring a bell again so we can sit. And to ring a bell again so we can eat. And to ring a bell again so we can walk. and ring a bell again so we can sit.

[06:04]

But the most important thing is that through all this world of change, through all these bell ringings and different postures and different activities, that we're always ourselves, authentically. So for a person to be a person, for a living being, it just means not to move. No matter what you're doing, because the illusion of movement is there, even if you're doing the ritual of sitting, Still, still you could say you're moving, but really you're not moving.

[07:08]

Moving, I would say, is an illusion. What's happening is that you are arising and ceasing, apparently. And change is interpreted as movement. Now, I'm in this posture. My hands are at the level of my shoulders. Now my hands are lower. Now my hands are lower. I changed. My hands were in different positions. And that could be seen as movement. I don't deny that. We seem to be able to sense that. We're built to sense movement. ...sense stillness. Like frogs, you know, they sit on the lily pad and they don't do anything until something moves and then their tongue jumps out and gets something to eat.

[08:16]

Suzuki Rishi had loved frogs. He had a lot of them in his pond at his temple in Japan. He took photographs of them. I don't know if he took photographs of them. They were found in the library of his home temple in Japan, albums of photographs of frogs, many of them fornicating. So I don't know if whoever took those pictures, but he really loved frogs. And I don't know if whoever took those pictures was being authentic when they took them. I would like, I think it's a lovely idea that we would be still, that we would not move in every moment of our life.

[09:33]

In other words, genuine in every moment of our life. In this position, in this room, and when we go out of this room for lunch, that we have what's called authentic lunch. that you are eating your food, maybe chatting with your friends, but you're also remembering to do the work of enlightenment during lunch. So lunch isn't a break from meditation. It's meditation in another form, called lunch. Walking is not a break from meditation, it's walking meditation. People might think it's silly if we had a schedule and we wrote on it, sitting meditation, walking meditation, lunch meditation, rest meditation, toilet meditation, registration meditation,

[10:54]

discussion meditation, the Dharma meditation. But I would like, when I'm speaking, for me and you to realize the same stillness that we realize sitting in stillness and silence. And I would like that we have the same stillness when we're having lunch as we have when we're doing the ritual of sitting still. I would like that. I would like us to learn that, to learn to speak to each other and listen and be not taking a break from meditation. And in order to not take a break from meditation, Part of what we need to do when we're meditating is we need to be relaxed.

[12:02]

It isn't like we're rigidly holding ourselves to be meditating, rigidly holding ourselves to be still. In order to be still, or I should say stillness includes being gracious and relaxed with the moment. That helps us be still. Or rather, it's necessary to be still. It's necessary to be still with the cold, to relax with the cold. It's necessary to be still with pain. It's necessary to relax and be gentle with the pain. That's what I think. You can be in pain and resist it and tense up around it, but that makes it harder to be genuinely in pain.

[13:12]

And if you're in pleasure, the same. Pleasure's okay if you are genuinely having pleasure. But I'm suggesting that in order to genuinely have pleasure, I need to be still with the pleasure. I need to realize with the pleasure and the same with pain. If that's the case, when there's pain and when there's pleasure, I'm doing the same practice. What's the practice? Being me in pain and pleasure. Both challenging opportunities to be authentic. and authentic pleasure and authentic pain.

[14:16]

Then enlightenment all feelings with such a practice. The great ancestors sitting still facing the wall for nine years. Sometimes it was cold. Sometimes it was hot. Practice. Myself.

[15:41]

Trying not to be distracted from being who I am. While I change, I'm changing. I'm not the same person I was a moment ago. This is a fresh new person who, conventionally speaking, is older than previous ones. But although I'm older and older and older and older, I'm always fresh. When you're dying, each moment you're fresh. And the first moment of being dead is fresh. The second moment, maybe somebody else has to keep track of for you, but that's fresh, too.

[16:50]

I just think it's wonderful to contemplate the possibility of not missing out on the freshness of this life, moment by moment. Wonderful freshness. And to find a way to be with the fresh moments where there's peace and authenticity. Not and, where there's authentic peace. Authenticity. It's not really and, they're always the same, together. And how wonderful to appreciate everybody else's freshness and authenticity. You can see everybody else not moving.

[18:03]

They may not notice that they're not, which is sad that they don't. But how wonderful to see their potential, to realize that actually the person being themselves is enlightenment right now. Each of us in being ourselves right now is enlightened. It's not enlightened necessarily. It is enlightenment to be who you are. The question of not being distracted. It's being given to us right now. So, going through the illusion of movement for the sake of realizing that it doesn't take us away from being still.

[19:17]

Sometimes Zen practice is described as having two parts One part is to which again means just be yourself. The other part is to go and meet a teacher. or practice with the teacher and listen to the teaching or ask about the teaching. The Chinese character there means both listen and ask. During this retreat this morning we have practiced just sitting being ourselves, and we have practiced going to meet with the teacher and listen to the Dharma, and ask .

[20:40]

And another way to see this is, the first part is to enter into stillness. Enter stillness by the practice of sitting still. And then in that stillness, Meet the teacher and ask about the teaching or meet the teacher and listen in the stillness. See if you can listen to the teaching without getting distracted from the stillness. Ask about the teaching and stay in the container of the stillness. See if you can enter into your own genuineness And within your own genuineness, listen to the teaching. So if there's some teaching coming now, receive it in your genuineness.

[21:48]

Receive it in you being you. Because that's the place recommended to receive it. Kids will come to your home, but you have to be home to receive them. And it's hard to remember to stay home. When you're home, it's hard to remember. When you're here, it's hard to remember. When you close the refrigerator, it's hard to remember because oftentimes you think you're opening the refrigerator to get the refrigerator door open rather than you're opening the door of the refrigerator to enact genuineness as an act of being yourself. And you're opening and you're closing the door as an act of being authentic.

[22:49]

You're closing the door of the refrigerator to save the world. How do you save the world? When you close the refrigerator, according to this tradition, by authentically closing it. By being completely who you are when you close that door. Rather than close the door and that's all that happened. No, that's not all that happened. You were who you weren't. you were mindful to be yourself, closing the door of the refrigerator, if this is the last moment of your life, would you like to be there for this last moment? Would you like to authentically, in your last moment, close the refrigerator door? I would. And if there's another moment,

[23:52]

I'd like to be authentic then, too. I'm happy to see that it's 10 to 11 instead of 10 to 12. I didn't want it to be lunch yet. I wanted more time before lunch. And there is more than I thought for a second. So now I... If you want to play... going to meet with the teacher and asking about Dharma, you're welcome to come and do so.

[24:56]

I have a seat for you to sit on. If you want to come and sit in this seat and ask about the Dharma or give any feedback, There's a place for you to do it. There's always stillness.

[26:04]

I have a sense that this notion of distraction and delusion, we have a choice between being on that or being in the stillness. And that is why we sit in the cold, because we either dabble in illusion and dabble in stillness, or we have the experience of extreme difficulty. And in spite of that, we can be in stillness, and it helps us. Does that resonate with anything? It does resonate with something. And when we donate our life to stillness, then we can receive everything, including distraction, and benefit.

[27:23]

I have somebody who has run from the pain in his legs for 40-some years. I understand the function of the pain in the legs finally. Great. Yeah, so may you not run from the pain in your legs for the rest of your life. May you walk. the pain in your legs. Not like, not dislike. Just welcome and relax with the pain in your legs. And then, from there, welcome pain in your legs. And from there, welcome pleasure in your heart. And from there, welcome everything. This is the practice of Bodhidharma.

[28:29]

This is how Bodhidharma wanted, this is how Bodhidharma tried to China. That was his contribution and that can be yours. And you can ask for help as one of your gifts. I heard somebody say recently, when you need help, not to ask for it is not friendly. Please help me.

[29:45]

I was thinking I might come across somebody who I thought was being abusive or harmful or mean in some way. And I might ask them, why are you doing that? And they might say to me, I'm just being mean. Part of me might go, that's probably true. But part of me might say, that's no good. That's irresponsible. That's mean. That's harmful. That's being you. That would be me? That would be you being you. That you would have those thoughts. The question about There are some people who use... Could you hear what he said? There are some people who use that idea of just being me as license to do whatever they want to do, no matter what the effect is. Right. Some people would use that as teaching, as license to do whatever they want to do. And then people have other licenses to do whatever they want to do, too. For example...

[31:06]

Some people take intoxicants to help them do whatever they want to do. And then the intoxicants say they do. Some people use other for doing whatever they want to do. So yeah, so this could be used for that purpose. People know how to use pretty much whatever as a license to do what they want to do. So that is a possibility that they could do that. However, I'm one of the people who issues licenses for this particular practice. So you should come and check how you're using your license. So for example, if I see somebody who appears to me to be cruel, maybe I can see that appearance. Then I have to do the job.

[32:09]

I'm not talking about now. I have a license to do whatever I want to do. I have the teaching of being myself when I meet someone who needs to be cruel, perhaps to themselves. What's that about? Like, two nights ago, my niece tried to kill herself. What is going on here? I don't know if she's heard this teaching and that led her to think that she could do whatever she wants, that she could kill herself. I don't know. In the meantime, can you hear me? Yeah. So, I see someone who appears to me to be cruel to themselves, harming themselves or harming others.

[33:13]

I see that. And I may want to talk to them someday. But before I talk to them, the first thing I do is what? Be myself. That's my job. Now who I am is somebody who has opinions about somebody. But the main thing I'm doing to help me and them, the main thing I'm doing is first rather than first of all be into like saying something to them. First I do the hard thing. Be me who has a painful story about this person. For me it's painful that they would be being cruel in some way. I have to deal with my story first if I want to help the world. And I said, what do I do?

[34:16]

You said, be yourself. In other words, also the first thing you do when you're being cruel, dash, the first thing you do when you have a story about somebody being cruel They may not be being cruel, but you think they're being cruel. So you've got a story. You're a person who's got a story. This person's being cruel. The first thing you do is you don't move. The first thing you do is be still with your story. And being still with a story is similar to, I've got a story which is not a very happy story. So I've got to be careful here. This is a dangerous story. It's just dangerous. Plus, I, who have this story, I'm in danger of believing this story as reality. My job is, first of all, to be still with it.

[35:18]

When someone says, you have to act to do something. Yes, you do have to act and do something, and you will act. You will act. But what will your action be? Will your action be to distract yourself from being yourself? Will that be the first thing you do? Or will your action be to remember to be yourself and then be peaceful? And then, from peacefulness, you have something to offer to this person. who's being cruel, you walk up to them and you give them peace. You give this person who's using whoever has a license to do what they're doing. Or maybe they could also, it's possible, some people do drive without a license. They might be being cruel and think, I don't have a license to do this, but I'm going to do it anyway. And they might hear a Zen talk and say, oh, no.

[36:19]

But whether they have a license or not, they're violating the truth. If they're violating the truth and you bring peace to them, you can transmit the truth. The truth can be transmitted to them. What's the truth right there? It's you being you. The truth is you're you. That's what you can have, that's what you can practice. You can show them, hey, this sickle is sharp. You can say, these glasses are very expensive. You say this to the person who's being cruel, and it could stop them in their tracks. You just walk up to them and say, these are expensive glasses in my hand. And they go, what?

[37:23]

You are like weird, man. And you say, there's a movie out now. It's called I Love You, Man. And that's how I feel about you. So I walk or I walk down State Street in Santa Barbara, I'm walking down and I've got my little outfit on, my little Bodhidharma outfit. I've got the outfit on which, the outfit of not moving. This is an outfit of being authentic. This is an outfit which people who want to learn how to be authentic sometimes wear. So I'm walking down the street, And a guy sitting on the ground raises his hands and makes the V sign, the V. It means peace, right? Peace. He sees me and the peace sign. How come? Because I got a peace outfit on. I got an outfit which says, if you're cruel, I bring you peace.

[38:31]

If you're kind, I bring you peace. If you're a woman, I bring you peace. If you're a child, I bring you peace. If you're a man, I bring you peace. I bring you me being me. I don't bring you me. Of course I bring you me. But I bring you, mostly I bring you me trying to be me. That's what I bring to people who are cruel. With the faith that bringing a person who's being cruel, me being me, is bringing the person who's being cruel, bringing them enlightenment. No matter what reasons they have for doing what they're doing. that Buddha told them they could, that their mother abused them. Whatever the story they've got, they've got some story, which leads them to be . I want to bring them enlightenment to wake them up from this terrible misunderstanding they have, which leads them to be frightened and cruel. So whether I've got this outfit on or not, I'm trying to be me walking down State Street in Santa Barbara on Friday night.

[39:45]

And so some guy raises his fingers into the peace sign, so I raise my fingers into the peace sign. So then he puts his fist out, and I put my fist by his fist. What do you do? And he says, do you do Kung Fu or something? And I say, yes. I do do Kung Fu. Kung Fu means work your energy. Kung Fu means really work, exercise fully. That's what Kung Fu means. He says, how do you do it? And I say, I sit still, and then there's peace all around me. And he got up and he said, can I hug you? He says, I love you, man. Now, he wasn't being violent. But even if he was being violent, he still might see me and say, whoops, is that a gung-fu guy?

[40:49]

And they ask me, and I say, yes. They say, are you into martial arts? And I say, yes. What kind? I say, Buddhist. Buddha was a martial artist. Buddha walked up to people who were being violent and cruel and conveyed peace to them. It didn't always work immediately. But he tried again and again to convey peace to people. If he met peaceful people, he would convey peace and receive peace. If he met violent people, he would convey peace. But in order to convey peace, I have to be me. He isn't just like, I can avoid being me and give you peace. I've got to do the hard work to convey peace to you. You have to do the hard work of being you to convey peace to me. And it's hard for you to be you when you see me being cruel.

[41:55]

Because you're in pain when you see me being cruel. You're in pain when you see me being stupid. and confused and unskillful. That isn't pleasant for you to see. What's pleasant for you to see, maybe, is that I'm being kind and clear. That's nice to see, maybe. Unless you're really confused or envious. Well, how come he gets to be kind? But either way, whatever it is, no matter what's going on, your job is to be authentic. with everybody and some people are reminding you to and other people are like saying can you be authentic even if i do this how about if i gouge my flesh can you be authentic watching me gouge my flesh you can't can you oh you can okay deeper can you still be authentic oh it's hard it's hard oh no i got i finally i'm okay i don't i won't gouge my flesh anymore i

[43:03]

Because they can be at peace if you can be at peace. But it's hard. I do sometimes forget. I want to tell a story. Come on up. I'll tell you a story. I went to I'll tell you the story later. Yes. I want to hear from you personally. Tell me your name again. Kian. Yeah. Kian. It's Irish. Irish. Kian. I feel pretty calm today. I'm feeling okay. So it feels good right now. And that's nice. I need that. We need calm. Calm, we need calm. I just wonder often when people get in places in their mind, in their brain, just so reactive to everything in life.

[44:16]

It's just the only thing I can think of is meditation. It seems to help. It makes a huge difference. But when I go to a place of equilibrium, that's when I feel I'm in a space of being authentic. Where you what? Go to equilibrium. That's where I feel a sense of being more authentic. I agree. I agree that when you're in a place of equilibrium, you're, I should say, you feel more authentic. Yeah. Yeah. There's a pause between you and your reaction. There's a space. It may seem that way, but there really isn't a pause. Really? Really. It seems like I can slow down enough. A pause is a reaction.

[45:18]

I just think I see it as a space for me to digest stimuli. Yeah, a pause is a place to digest. You just don't notice it. There's a pause. Pauses are possible. And pauses are similar to not moving. So somebody touches your cheek. And when I touched his cheek, his head moved a little bit. Very responsive. That time he didn't move. So there was a response there. He moved. But before he moved, he didn't move. He just received it. There was actually a moment there where he just received it. And my fingers are a little bit cold.

[46:24]

But actually there was a pause there where he received that touch. And to be in that pause, he's saying, Kian is saying, that that's helpful to him. There's a place to touch. But you have to train yourself to notice those places where you receive the touch. Receive and, in fact, you do digest it or you process it. And then you process it and your body says, move a little bit. If it's cold, maybe move away a little bit. If it's warm, maybe move towards it. But that's the way we work. We receive something, but when we receive it, we don't move. You have to be there to catch it. Like, you know, you're there, you're receiving it. So the not moving is actually there in every moment. We have to not move to have an experience.

[47:28]

And then there's a response. And then that response is the same. In the response, we receive the response in stillness, equilibrium, stillness. We have to train ourselves with this. And it would be nice if we trained ourselves so that it was continuous. Because it really kind of, when we get distracted from being authentic, and also we, our actions are not so good as they can be when we're not being genuine. And there is an opportunity in every moment to be still, to be calm. There is an opportunity. When somebody slaps you in the face, as the hand's coming towards you, there's an opportunity to be still. And actually, in that stillness, as the hand's coming towards you, you have an opportunity to digest the hand coming towards you.

[48:41]

And be the person who sees a hand coming towards you. And then maybe respond by moving your body out of the way. Or even almost before the hand gets to you, but maybe it sounds like the moment it arrives, you say, or you say, that hurt. Or you say, that was a good whack. A lot of possibilities there because you're there. And if you're really there, your response comes from being really there. And your response peace to the situation. We have to train ourselves at this. Just like I said, see if you can practice being present for the pauses during lunch. And again, every moment to have an experience is long enough to have the experience. There's this flow of change and the pauses are actually the experience.

[49:49]

The experience may seem like a slap in the face, but that's actually a pause in change. Change stops long enough for you to have a slap. Or a pleasure, or a taste. I feel my tongue between my lips. There's a pause there. There's a stillness. There's a being you there. And there's calmness there. There's graciousness there, and there's patience there, and there's gentleness there. And then if somebody slaps me and I don't appreciate that, then I say, well, I have to train more. So part of the practice also is to be gentle with myself when something happens and I lose, I miss the, I shouldn't say lose, I miss the opportunity of being there sometimes because such intense things happen, like extreme cold.

[50:57]

Something in the Pacific Ocean, which as you know, is cold sometimes. I try to, and I also swim in the bay at San Francisco. I try to, when I go into the water, I try to be present, you know, as the water rises higher and higher in my body, as it touches new surfaces of my skin, to feel that and to be there right with that moment-by-moment shock of the water, cold water on my skin, to see if I can be there with the Pallas. It's hard. Moment by moment. Shock, shock, [...] shock. Life is just running. They don't want to have this experience. They want to go swimming, but they don't want this shock. Let's get the shock back.

[52:01]

I'll yell at the ocean. When the ocean is yelling at me, I'll yell at the ocean. That's okay. Okay. But to be there. And if you can't be there, if I miss, the practice is not to be cruel to yourself. Cruel to themselves after they miss. They say, oh, I missed that opportunity. I wasn't present. I wasn't attentive. I was just... Well, now you're just doing it again. So to say, oh, I missed. [...] This is called confession and repentance. And to gently, kindly notice I wasn't present. I wasn't present. Then you're present. I wasn't present, but now I'm present and now I want to be present again. This is wonderful.

[53:02]

Now I missed. So this is how we train ourselves. And there needs to be calm. We need to find the calm. The calm is available. It's available. It's a resource right nearby. But we have to train ourselves to pay attention to it. We have to value it enough to say, where is it again? During lunch? In the traffic jam, when people are insulting us, where is the calm? Where is the calm? Well, there it is. There it is. And then receive this thing in that calm. And then, next moment, where is it now? That's kind of where I'm at. I'm like, I just want to make that space get bigger and bigger and bigger. Yeah. That's what I'm interested in. Yeah. And we need you to do it. That will help us because then you will receive us more skillfully and you will transmit peace to us.

[54:06]

So the whole world needs you to work on this. Kian. Thank you. You're welcome. Tom. Hi. Take your time. Don't hurry. Don't hurry. This is a question that we're wondering about. Probably since the first time someone said to me, be authentic. And the question is, how do I recognize my authentic self when he walks down toward me on the sidewalk? How do I know when I'm being authentic? Well, when you see somebody walking down the high street, and you think that that's you, you're being authentic. Okay. When you think other people are you, you're being authentic.

[55:09]

When you're authentic, you think other people are you. When I look at... Alexandra. When I look at Alexandra and I think, oh, that's me, then I say, oh my God, I'm being authentic. But to look at myself to see if I'm authentic is actually... No, I don't recommend that. I recommend be who you think Tom is. Be how you feel. Be still with yourself and you will be authentic. And if you don't feel like you're being still, well, then you're not being authentic yet. If you feel you're wiggling away and just a little bit distracted from this Tom right now, if you're a little bit into the Tom that used to be or wish thinking about the... Well, then you aren't doing the practice which will come to fruit as you actually realize in your genuine self.

[56:12]

But when you're actually your genuine self, you're not thinking about whether you're genuine or not. You're thinking about the way you which, and you're just completely being that, 100%, and you don't have to move the slightest iota to be who you are right now. So that's what you're working on, and then you're authentic. But in fact, when you see somebody walking down the street and you think it's you, that's the way authentic people feel. That's why they're peaceful, because they see everybody as themself, and that's why they don't have to move Because everybody is like showing them who they are and what they have to do. That's kind of how enlightenment is, that everybody's you. Everybody tells you, when you're enlightened, who you are. But you have to do the hard work of being yourself in order to realize how everybody's helping you. Thank you.

[57:15]

First, the batteries are coming. The batteries are coming. The batteries. My question is more one of semantics, I think. I feel like I'm most myself when there's no self here at all, when I'm not identifying with my body or with who I think I am or identifying with my reactions, when I'm simply present without there being any self at all. And I just wondered, that is, I think, what you mean by authenticity. Right. So she said, I feel like I'm most authentic when I'm having experiences without identifying with them. Okay? In other words, there's not you in the experience. Yeah. It's one. It's the same thing. It's not I'm having the experience. It's just I'm the experience, but not even I'm.

[58:34]

Or it's either... So it's either the experience or it's just I'm. So another way to be authentic is all there is is me. Say that again. Like I said before, you know, when you're authentic, everything is you. Like, I see Alice as me. There isn't Rab plus Alice. All there is is Alice and Tom and Alexandra and Paul and Brent and Kate. That's all there is, and more. That's all there is. There's not me in addition to everything. That's authentic, too. So it's either there's just me, and that's authentic, but when there's just me, that means there's just the universe. There's not the universe, when you're authentic, there's not the universe plus you.

[59:39]

So there's just the universe and no you, or there's just you and no universe. It's not like there's a universe like, there's all these people in the mountains, that's the universe. No, that's me. The world is me. That's all there is. There's no me in addition to the world and vice versa. There's no world because it's just me. But people usually think, you know, I often make this drawing. Many of you have seen this drawing. This is something that I didn't make copies of, but you can do it yourself. There's the universe, and then there's something, one additional thing. Right? There's the universe, and then isn't there something more? The universe and what is that?

[60:44]

One additional thing on top of the universe. I'm sitting on top of the universe. A lot of people think that, that there's a universe and there's black holes and supernovas and... What? We don't think there's a universe... Plus Tony. Plus Tony does. Everybody thinks of the universe plus themselves, and other people think there's the universe included. It's the universe witnessing itself. Yeah, it's the universe witnessing itself. Yeah, but when you're still manifested in a physical form, you can touch that space. Right? So we sometimes say when one side is illuminated, it's dark. So when there's a self, and you're fully engaged in that self, that's all there is, is a self.

[61:49]

Or when there's colors or something, there's just colors. There's no me in the color. So there's no identification, because there's no separation. They have no identity in nature. So then you're being authentic. When there's no you identifying with the experience, there's just the experience. Or vice versa, when all experiences are what you are. Everybody is what you are. Thank you. Before the next person, let's put the microphone back on. Okay. We'll have to adjust it. Is this recording? It works? With or without the microphone? Okay. So the story I wanted to tell you was... This is a story where I kind of forgot.

[62:52]

Where I think I kind of forgot. I forgot. What did I forget? I really forgot to practice being who I was. It's a really long story. And if you get bored, please help me by raising your hand. End it. Soon. But once I start, some people want me to finish. So if you get bored with me, let me know by raising your hand, and I'll try to make it more interesting. So this is a story about, I go to the Valley Community Center. The Valley's a wonderful little town, very affluent. It has a nice community center. And so I go there to exercise, and I go down after I'm done to get my... Actually, I tell you, this sort of tips off the story, but I go down to get this bag in my locker, and it's not there.

[64:09]

And I kind of forget to not move. I'm like... And because I forget to not move, you know, when I open the door of the locker, I forget to not move. And when I see my bag's not there, I forget to not move. So I forget to be completely not moving and be myself because of seeing my bag, which hasn't... a wonderful Buddhist book about dependent colorizing and emptiness. One of my favorite books. It also has my cell phone and it has my wall, my beautiful wall that my wife gave me. Really nice one. She was so happy to give it to me. And it's got in it my driver's license. And some other stuff too.

[65:15]

But the main thing that really Troubles me because if you lose your driver's license, you have to go to the DMV. So I keep forgetting. I keep forgetting to be, to practice Zen. So I blew it. And I went looking around the community center for it. And I told the people, you know, at the reception in Austin, and they were so kind to me. And the police came out and took the report. So that was that. And anyway, I was struggling to be myself. It was a struggle. I gradually started to come back to be me, a person who is now. made a gift of his bag to somebody.

[66:23]

I switched from whatever that was to I give my bag away and I accept and I call the credit card place and say, cancel the credit card. And... And then I start getting ready to go to DMV to get the other thing. The next day, by the way, I go back to the community center. I go to the desk to check in, and I see a bag that looks like a bag. which is this bag, and I say, could I see that bag? And they show it to me, and there it is, and it has my cell phone in it, and it has the Buddhist book in it. I also thought, well, if the person reads the book, that might be good. It has my very favorite books. It had a cell phone, but it didn't have the wallet, so I still have to go to DMV. So this is a long story.

[67:34]

So I go to DMV, and my assistant has pity on me and drives me there. I don't have to walk to DMV, which is a long way over the mountain or something. So my assistant kind of gives me a ride to DMV and stays with me because also I need a ride from DMV. because I don't have a driver's license. Actually, I would have one afterwards, wouldn't I? But I couldn't drive my car. So anyway, I rode with her, and we're sitting there waiting for my waiting and waiting. It was a wait. But then this guy is sitting there, and he says, So I talked to this guy, and And it's very nice to talk to him and help him with what I do in DMV.

[68:38]

And I get the temporary driver's license, and yeah. And that's that. Took quite a while, but I knew I got a temporary driver's license. And then I went to Europe, and I came back from Europe, and I forgot. that I had a temporary driver's license and that the non-temporary driver's license would be coming. I just forgot. I was using the temporary driver's license until I went to pick up my grandson at the airport. The temporary driver's license with some other pictures in order to prove who I was. I could pick my grandson up and he said, this temporary driver's license has expired. I said, oh my God.

[69:39]

But they let me know. So that worked out, but it was a close call. Then I realized that my other driver's license hadn't come. So I made various telephone calls to DMV and said, well, the new one hasn't come. And they said, well, you know, and they were very nice, but said, I'm sorry, but we can do it again. To get another. So again, I kind of lost it again. I kind of forgot again to be me. I was kind of like, not like. Okay. I'm the person who has to go to DMV again. That's who I am. If I want a license. So I thought for a while, I'll just never drive again. That's who I'll be. That's a possibility. That could be peaceful.

[70:39]

Yeah. But somehow eventually I thought, well, I guess I should go. So I went. So then I'm waiting in line again. And I turn and I look, and I see this kind of old lady. And I say, I mention it because the last time I saw her, she was just a little girl. I'm sure it's like this old lady. Kind of like an old lady.

[71:42]

You know, not ancient. Pretty old. It kind of shocked me because last time I saw her, she's just this kid. So things like this are going to happen to me if I keep living. I'm going to see these little children come up to me as old people. So there she is. I said, Brett. I didn't know who it was. I said, oh, Janie. She says, how are you? And I said, fine, except I'm here. And then she said, blah, blah, blah. And she said, but I didn't get what you meant before. I said, well, I mean, I'm fine, except I'm here. And she said, oh. Oh. You're here for me. She woke me up. I forgot why I went to DMV.

[72:45]

Why do I go to DMV? Why do I go to Santa Barbara? Why do I go to Tassajara? Why do I go to the grocery store? Why do I study the teachings of the Buddha? Why do I buy a Prius? I forgot. I went to DMV for her. So I do sometimes forget, but then the world reminds me, I'm here for you. I'm not here for fun, for me. The fun for me is being here for you. That's what I'm here for. That's why I'm here. But I sometimes forget when people take my driver's license away and say, now go wait in line.

[73:49]

We're taking your driver's license away. You have to go wait in line to see if you can remember, even though you're being told to go wait in line. We're taking your health away to see if you can remember it. that you gave your health away, and now you're sick. But the reason you're sick is because you want an opportunity to be. So I forget my authenticity, and people remind me. You're here to be yourself in order to help us. That's what we're here for. That's what people want you to do. They want you to be yourself to help them because they're having a hard time. And so anyway, there she is, my little friend, my young girl, who I watched grow up.

[74:54]

And now she's going to be a bus driver for Muni. Regular bus driver already, but she's going to be a bus driver for Muni. She says it's a primo bus driving job. And she tells me about her partner. And her just died. And her mother, who I know her from, her mother who's got health problems. And we're standing there in line, and people are coming up to us to ask us various questions about how to deal with the situation. And she's letting people go ahead of her. Now she's saying, go ahead. She's in front of me. She's letting people go in front of her. And some people who she lets go in front of her, she talks with them and we talk with them and they finally realize they don't have to wait in line at all and they leave.

[75:57]

Things are really like miraculous when we remember to be ourselves. It's a miracle to remember and it's a miracle to be yourself. It's a miracle to be yourself. It's enlightened. But we forget. And then hopefully somebody reminds us To be still. When you go into elevator, be still. When you come out of the elevator, be still. When you go into DMV, be still. You're in a new world. What's going on? When you go out of DMV into the parking lot, be still. This is a new life, a new fresh opportunity. But you have to remember. And it's easy to forget, except if somebody slaps you. Oh, thank you. I don't know who reminded me, but thank you. I'm scared. Okay, well, that's your job.

[76:58]

Be scared. You're scared? Don't move. Not because you're freezing, but because you're receiving the fear and making peace with it. So you're being still, right? Did you remember to be still while I was making all that noise? Did I remember to be still? Actually, it went okay. To keep remembering how I forget helps me. Don't move.

[78:27]

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