It seems that there's a few people here who weren't here this morning. I request that you say your first name. Nina. Benjamin. Donna. This morning we talked about being authentic and introduced the teaching that for a living being to be a living being is enlightenment. that was a translation of this Chinese text and again for you to be you is Alice Alice said that for her being authentic was to be

[01:29]

fully engaged in her experience. Did you say something like that? Yeah, she said when she's fully engaged in her experience, she disappears. So, for you to be you is the same as to be fully engaged in your experience. For you to be you is the same as for you not to be you. To be authentic is to be fully engaged in experience. to be fully engaged in experience with no residual self lingering.

[02:40]

So again, I would say, like the Zen teacher Dogen says, when seeing sights or hearing sounds, fully engaging body and mind, It's not like the moon and its reflection in the water. It's not like the image and the reflection in the mirror. When one side is illuminated, the other is dark. So when you fully engage your body and mind, when you're fully yourself, It's not like the self and the experience. Or the experience of the self. If the self is eliminated, if the moon is eliminated, then it's just a moon.

[03:48]

If the reflection is eliminated, then it's just a reflection. So usually when you're not fully engaged, there's like what's going on, plus you're Or mine is you. I'm not involved in that. Or that's mine. You're fully engaged in body. You're authentic. And there's just colors and sounds. That's it. Or there's no colors and no sounds. There's just presence. Usually, when you're not fully engaged, both sides are illuminated.

[04:56]

Participating, there's the world and you. Sound familiar? There's me in the world, but there's me and my body. Me and my body. You know the rest of it? What? It's me and my shadow. Me and my shadow. Me and my shadow. Me and my shadow. So that's the usual situation. There's me and my shadow. But when you're fully engaged, there's just a shadow. or they're just you. And there's no being alone in blue. Or they're just blue. But usually, both sides are illuminated, and that's because you're not fully engaged.

[06:05]

When you're fully engaged, there's no way to have two sides. There's just one side. Which sometimes is shocking to people. Either way. And then they revert to illuminating. Like if you suddenly go from both sides being illuminated, you and your world, go from there to full engagement, there's just a world that people call, what happened to me? Or even if you approach, you start to notice that it's becoming more and more just the world. You kind of see that there's going to be no one of you in addition to the world. Then you kind of like flinch. And then flinching, you cut back on your engagement. And then there's you and the world again. It's kind of scary that there would just be the world without me. It's not the world with me. It's actually just the world that includes you. If you're not sure about it as you approach the self that's completely included in the world, you flinch, you hold back, and then back again, you and the world.

[07:12]

Or, vice versa, the other shot would be, it's just me. There's not a world in addition to me. That's scary too. What happened to all my friends? Well, there are you. You didn't lose them. You just stopped being separated. But that can be disorienting. People are usually disoriented or Mr. Oriented. But when you become properly oriented, it's disorienting at first, because it's unfamiliar. Like they say in Japan, when you bring fresh fish to the mountains, people think it's rotten. Do you understand? Do you understand, Susan? Would you explain?

[08:13]

People in the mountains probably don't know what fresh fish is. Exactly. They're used to stale fish or dried fish. So you show them fresh fish and they think it's rotten. But actually, it's fresh fish. So when you ask fresh life, you might think it's rotten. Because actually, fresh life rots fast. Old, crusty life is like jerky. It lasts a long time. It's already been preserved. But fresh life is very fragile. You can see the rotting right in the freshness, like cherry blossoms. The Japanese loved them so much. They see right in the bloom and they see they're falling.

[09:25]

They're so vividly vivid that they gotta be dead soon. That's part of another aspect of being authentic then is that it shows not-self. Engaging in the self, body and mind, shows the emptiness of the self and the emptiness of the sights and the sounds, how they fluctuate back and forth. You can't get a hold of either separately. People often tell me that they're quite concerned about people liking them.

[11:23]

They're quite concerned about being liked. They're concerned about being approved of. They're concerned about fitting in. dash, they're concerned about being exiled and kicked out. And that awareness in some ways is promoted, not the feeling, but the awareness of that feeling is often promoted by practicing in a group Because when you're in a group, you're sensitive to whether you're fitting in, whether you're included or not. You may not know when you're not practicing in a group that you're concerned about being included or fitting in or not.

[12:27]

We are concerned about that, but we're not necessarily aware of it. Practicing with a group. Also, that's one of the advantages of going to meet a teacher. Because when you go to meet a teacher, you're also supported by that meeting to become aware of the feeling of wanting to be approved or liked. The teacher, which you might give authority to. And again, authority is related to authenticity. So when you go meet an authority, your authenticity is on the line. It's on the line, or you could be saying it's exposed to be evaluated. And in fact, that's right, it's exposed to be evaluated.

[13:33]

So then you become aware of it. The author makes you aware of whether there's another author. The one who you say has authority is the one you say has some genuineness, some worthiness to trust. So it's that one who you approve of your authority, your authenticity, your authenticness. So when people come and tell me that they're concerned about that, that's part of realizing their authenticity. They're aware of the person who's concerned about fitting in. Being concerned about fitting in is not an authoritative position necessarily, but being aware of it's necessary. And when you're aware of your wish for approval or liked by anybody, but in particular by the teacher, then you have a chance to fully engage that wish, that desire.

[14:53]

And if you fully engage the desire to be approved, you become authentic. So people who come and confess, people who come and confess that they're concerned about approving are heading in the direction of being authentic, of realizing it. And so in my position of receiving that information, I say, good, that you're aware of that. Now can you fully engage the wish to be approved? Can you fully embrace? Can you be really kind and gentle to this wish to be approved? In the presence of somebody who brings your awareness of that out, and from whom you would like it, the approval. But you don't just want the person's approval, you probably also want the person to help you become authentic.

[16:01]

People who have realized being authentic, and people who haven't both may have the same desires. They both may wish to be approved. One has fully engaged it, the other has partially engaged it, or is even denying it as a kind of engagement, even saying, I don't care if you approve of me. You know, like travel thousands of miles and go see a teacher and walk up to the teacher and say, I don't care if you approve of me. That's the kind of engagement. But people who walk up to me and say, I don't want to talk to you. That's rather attractive. Why did you go out of your way to tell me that?

[17:08]

That's kind of nice of you. So I would say to people in that situation, I'd say, Wanting to be included is kind of built in, I think. It seems like it comes with being a social animal, that we want to be included. We don't necessarily want to go along with the society, but we like to be included. We don't want to be kicked out. And this seems to be true of humans and horses. I've heard that horse society is matriarchal. The stallions are somewhat appreciated.

[18:12]

But it's really the mature mayors that run the show and the children. And particularly teenage horses or adolescent horses are like adolescent teenagers. They want to be included, but they also don't want to go along with the herd's values necessarily. They want to test the boundaries. And what the matriarchal herd is for the teenagers that are testing it a little bit too vigorously, they exclude them from the herd for a while, push them out of the herd. And for a horse to be away from the herd is not as safe as to be with the herd. So the wolves and stuff have an easier time getting an adolescent horse than they do when the adolescent horse is in the herd where there's lots of legs to protect besides their own to protect themselves. So it's not so safe out there away from the herd. Same with cows probably, I don't know.

[19:15]

With humans, though, the men are also allowed to discipline teenagers. In other words, to tell them that, you know, we're going to push them out a little bit if they don't behave. So that we are excluded. So then that's normal. It's normal to want to be liked, and it's normal to like being liked. But you've got to be careful. The difference between wanting to be liked, wanting to be approved, and trying to do something to get approval. Or the difference between wanting to please someone and wanting to please someone so that they'll like you. In other words, the difference between being who you are, who is somebody who wants to be included, and being the way that will get approval.

[20:34]

Because some people who want to be approved of, be that way, are not trying to get it. Like they say, maybe, you know, I'm trying to get your approval. But I'm not telling you that should I get your approval. I'm just telling you to facilitate being me. And the person they're telling you might say, I think that's disgusting. And they might say, oh, I hear you. And it doesn't please me that much that you find it disgusting, but that's still who I am. I am a person who wants your approval. And I'm telling you that to help me be the person I am rather than even though I'd like you to like me. So all these things are, all this subtle awareness is part of being authentic. If we try to be what will get us approval, that undermines our authenticity.

[21:42]

If we try to be the way that people will like us, that usually distracts us from being the way we are. Not everybody liked the founder of the tradition called Buddha. Not everybody liked Shakyamuni Buddha. Not everybody liked Suzuki Roshi. Not everybody liked the Dalai Lama. Not everybody liked Bodhidharma. They say a lot of people, other teachers were jealous or were envious of him and tried to kill him. But these people were authentic. They probably liked, they probably wanted to prove anyway. But they didn't do anything to get anything.

[22:45]

They did everything to give everything. Everything they did was for the welfare of others. It wasn't to get stuff for themselves. The thing they gave was who they are or who they were. That was their main gift. They wanted to benefit beings, so they gave beings the very best thing, the most authentic thing. who they were at that moment. And then that's over, so they didn't give it again. Last one for that one, and then they give another one. Always giving the most valuable thing, which is exactly who you are, which simultaneously gives the very best thing, which is enlightenment. What you are isn't exactly the best thing. It's that you give being who you are and not compromising or betraying that to get inclusion, to get promotion, to get affection.

[24:05]

You don't be yourself to get anything. You be yourself to give reality. Simultaneously, what you are is somebody who is challenged by the wish to be approved, fit in, be liked, et cetera, and also avoid being disliked, being disapproved of, excluded. So we don't want those things, and we do want these things. This is to be proven. If you don't want to be approved of, and you do want to be excluded, then you have to be that person. But that's just a perversion of the other one. But if you wind up in a perverted state, then your job is to fully . Like, I don't want people to like me. I don't want to be included. And I'm totally engaging that.

[25:07]

I'm totally engaging being whatever you call that. A rebel? That's my name. If you're a common, normal person like me, these feelings arise. If you don't see them, you're in denial, probably. They themselves are not the problem. Say they are the problem in the sense that they are the problem in terms of can you fully engage them? Can you fully engage being a normal social animal? A lot of spiritual practitioners have trouble accepting that they're normal social animals. They want to be superior social animals, or even like trans-social animals.

[26:13]

But again, that's wanting to be who you're not. That's not your job. You don't have to be who you're not. That's actually easier than being who you are. So, yeah, somebody says, I want your approval. I say, it's fine that you want it. Just don't try to get it. And if you want it and you fully accept it, you will get my approval. Not that you want it, but that you fully embrace it. I'm here to approve. Yes, that's it. You got it. You're authentic now. I accept. If you're trying to get something from me, I accept that. I mean, that's my practice is to welcome that you're trying to, like, get approval off me.

[27:23]

I welcome that you want me to like you. I welcome it. I don't like it or dislike it, usually. I'm kind of neutral about it. It's very common. And I'm patient with it. I'm not waiting for you to stop being that way and move on to something else. And I practice ethics with it. I'm careful of it. It's a dangerous thing. Somebody's wish of approval of me could be dangerous. I could get sued for not approving them. I went to see the Zen master and he didn't approve of me. I'm suing him. You know, he discriminated against me because I'm from my, you know, Santa Barbara. He thinks only people in Northern California deserve approval. So it's a dangerous thing if people don't take care of these desires.

[28:25]

But I welcome them anyway. But I'm here to try to help the person completely be the person that wants to sue me. I welcome, my practice is, my vow is to welcome people who want to sue me for not approving of them. What is it? Something wrath-like. What? A woman scorned? Heaven has no fear? Hell has no fear? Hell has no fear like a woman scorned? So, hell has no fear like a Zen student scorned. Then the Zen monk comes to the teacher and gets scorned and the student has fury.

[29:36]

But that scorn is to help the student be the one who does not want scorn. So write about this amazing practitioner named Lin Ji in China. Lin Ji in Japanese, they pronounce it Rinzai. So he's the founder of this very great Zen in China, Japan, and Korea, in Vietnam, and America, and Europe. Very important spiritual phenomenon in the history of the world, Linji. And he was a good monk. He was pretty fully engaged, and therefore enjoying what it's like to be authentic.

[30:46]

And the head monk at the monastery where he was at said to him one day, have you talked to the teacher? He said, no. And the head monk says, how long have you been at the monastery? He said, two or three years. And the head monk said, you should go see the teacher. He's a great guy. The teacher's name was Wang Bo. He was seven feet tall. But those were Chinese feet, so they might not have been the same as English feet. Anyway, he was very big. Zen teacher. Linjie went to see him. Oh, and then Himang said, go see him and ask him, what is the essential, highest meaning of the Buddhist teaching?

[31:52]

So he went to Wang Bo and said, what's the essential, highest meaning of the Buddhist teaching? And Wang Bo said, And Linji left, and the head monk later said, well, how did it go? He said, he's sloppy. And the head monk said, oh, you should go see him again. We tell this story in the Zen tradition. So he went again, and he asked him the same question. And Wang Bo slapped him again. Leng Ji said, how did it go this time? And Leng Ji said, he slapped me again. And Head Monk said, oh, you should go see him again. Can you believe this?

[32:55]

What a weird tradition. This is what it takes to help people realize authenticity sometimes. Got a very sincere practitioner. That's one of the ingredients. Got the head monk trying to help him out. Send him to the teacher. Got the teacher helping him out. Two so far. So he asks him the question again and the teacher slaps him. And guess what? The head monk says, how did it go this time? And Lin Jing says, he slapped me a third time. Nice hat. Don't tell me to go back and see him again. The head monk says, well, I'm not going to tell you to go back and see him again. I just suggest that before you leave, you just go say goodbye. And you can stand far away if you want to.

[33:59]

I don't know, was Lin Xi concerned about Wang Bo liking him or approving of him? I don't know. But it did seem to hurt him to get hit, that big guy. So he went back one more time and said, I'm leaving. And Wang Bo said, oh, oh. And the head monk went and told Wang Bo, before he came, he said, he's coming to see you one more time. He's really a great monk. You know. I take care of this guy. And I think Wang Bo said, I know. I know he's a great guy. So he goes, he says he's going to go, and Wang Bo said, okay, but I would suggest, actually, when you leave here, you go over the mountain and visit a friend of mine on the other side. I think he'll be able to help you.

[35:14]

So he leaves and goes to this other person whose name is Da Wu. And he goes to see Da Wu, and he tells him the story about going to see Wang Bo and getting slapped three times. And he says, and I don't know if I did something wrong or not. I don't know if that was approval or not approval. And Dayu says, wow, did he treat you with extreme grandmotherly love? He did his utmost to be kind to you. Parentheses, me adding parentheses, to help you be authentic. This is what he went through for you. People a little kiss helps them be authentic.

[36:23]

But sometimes it's possible. that what the person needs is like a slot, in this case. So anyway, that's what Dayu saw when he heard the story. And when Linji heard, he woke up with his teachers. He understood how Wang Bo was trying to help and fully engage who he was. Because although he was a pretty authentic guy already, interaction to find, you know, to really fully engage who he was. And Dayu could see that, and then he finally understood. You know, very happy, and Dayu noticed, and Dayu said,

[37:25]

you know, well, how are you now? And, you know, and Linji said, now I see that there's not much to want, but not much to it. And Dayu said, a few minutes ago, you see, Dayu said, you bedwetting brat. A few minutes ago, you're whining about You didn't know if you're doing right or wrong. You're saying there's not much to your teacher's dharma, the teacher's teaching. And he grabbed him and shook him. And Linji punched him in the ribs three times. And said, OK, OK. Okay, okay. You're enlightened.

[38:27]

But I'm not your teacher. Wang Bo is your teacher. So he went back to Wang Bo and He told him the story. He said, oh, I went to see it, and I told him what you've been doing to me, and he told me how compassionate you are. And I, you know, I'm really your student. And I mean, that's enough. And Wong Bo said, that he talks too much. He explains too much. Next time I see him, I'm going to give him a good beating. And Linjie said, no need to wait to see him for a beating and hit him.

[39:39]

hit the teacher. And the teacher said, attendant, take this lunatic out. Dangerous stuff, but sometimes this is what it takes to help people fully engage body and mind. So I said that Linji was an authentic practitioner, but I would guess he was not completely authentic, that there was still a little bit of me and my shadow, me and my practice, me and Buddhism. And he went to talk to the teacher. And people helped him get over this sense that the person there who is slapping you is somebody other than you.

[40:57]

Here comes this wonderful student. I think I have a feeling he doesn't understand that I'm him. So I'm going to be myself. with him to see if he can realize, I'm going to be myself with this student who is really me, who's really who I am, to see if he can realize that I'm really who he is. I'm going to do that with him. Okay? And now he doesn't get it. But I think the head monk will send it back for him to try. And we just keep working on this until we realize. together being authentic. So this story worked out. I mean, not everybody's ready for this kind of intimacy. But he went through the process.

[42:03]

Some babies, if they could talk when they're coming through the birth canal, might have some complaints. This is not helpful, Mom. This is too tight here. This is not what I call being kind, Mom. This is very crowded and, you know, you're being too, you know, you're being, what do you call it? You're being smothering. And Mom may not even know it, but in fact, some part of Mom knows this is necessary, kid. This is a necessary part of the process. This is what it takes to give birth to you. I know it's really hard, but it's hard on me too. Or the mothers might actually say, it's really giving me a hard time. This is not what I call love. But in fact, it's the love at the moment. The kid's head stretching the mother in this tremendously intense way, which is sometimes called painful.

[43:16]

It's part of the love of the baby and the mother to the baby, this tremendous intense interaction to facilitate the next generation. It's the same in spiritual practice. A lot of pressure to enlighten, to realize being authentic. But, you know, cesarean sections are not all that bad. They're intimate, too. They're just not the same as the other ones. Sometimes that's appropriate. Because then the mother and the baby maybe both live, which is great. So there could be cesarean sections, I guess, also in spiritual practice. When necessary. Some people need to come out the easy way, which is not totally easy, but a little bit easier.

[44:19]

But we shouldn't do it as a matter of course. But we should be sensitive and flexible and not be rigid. Everybody has to get slapped three times by a seven-footer. No. Sudhakarashi didn't slap everybody. And generally speaking, people thought Sudhakarashi was very loving and very sweet. So when he did occasionally apparently go off on somebody, people were quite surprised. We're trying to make authentic people. We're trying to make authentic people means we're trying to encourage each other to be And that means that I have to try to be who I am.

[45:28]

That's the main way I will encourage you to be who you are. Somebody has to set the example for us of daring to be herself and showing us how beautiful that is, how hard it is, And then we can sign up for that or not. I hope you sign up for it. The world needs you to do that. Again and again and again and again and again, forever, until everybody becomes authentic. In other words, until everybody becomes enlightened by simply doing this most difficult thing. Would anyone like to give me any feedback?

[47:02]

I'd like to ask for some help. That's good. Okay. Good. I need it. I have to help these kids because in the last little bit with the undergrad students here, I've never seen before. Can you hear him? No. Okay. In the last several months, I've run into something with the undergrad students here at UCSB, which I've never run into before, which upsets me very much, and which I feel time helping them with. And it actually, I think as you were talking, I realized it relates to authenticity. It's beyond, it's like they've decided that it's not cool to be authentic. That's the way I experience it. They don't want to be helped. And it's sort of like, you know, someone coming up to you and saying, hi, I don't want to talk to you.

[48:28]

But, and so it's difficult. And I want to help these kids and I'm not how to do that. And so that's the situation. I can explain more specifically. I mean, it's sort of going to be boring to, like I give a listening exam. I say I'm going to play for you stuff from box fifth and sixth French suites. And then the kid will give an answer, oh, that's French sweet number one. And that's so stupid and self-destructive. I mean, the least the kid could do would be to memorize what pieces I actually asked and guess the pieces I actually asked. The brightest kid there, the most talented, just wrote the first answer, he was right. And then he crossed it out and didn't answer any of the other questions and just said, all of this is worthless.

[49:33]

And I don't know what to do to help these kids. Well, another possible view of the situation is that it's more important to them that the teacher loves them and that they learn what the teacher is teaching. Right, but how do I express my love in that situation? Yeah, so the way you express your love for the situation is by loving their stupidity. It's a hard one. Yeah, they don't want to know if you love them when they do what you do. Yeah, sure. In other words, they don't want to know if you like them when you do what you think is appropriate to their intelligence. They don't want to know that. They know you probably will.

[50:36]

That's right. And some people want it so much That they do what they think you would like rather than what they really would like to do. So then they never find out if you love them, and they also betray their own authenticity. Even though they're intelligent, even though you're intelligent and you act intelligently, you can't. If you're doing it to please the teacher, you're betraying yourself. Sure. Can we say a little bit more? Sure. Now when it comes to your job, to really learn from you, they have to learn. And it helps them love you truly when you love them. And they get it. Yeah. So they would like, these kids must have some ability to be in your classes. Yeah, they do. Yeah. So now they want to know, where is my real?

[51:40]

You know, they're not the level of, where is somebody who I really want to learn from? Yeah, they're not there. I'm saying that's what they are looking for. They're not there yet. They haven't found it. So they say, now, if I meet a teacher and I don't do what the teacher loves me anyway, this is a potential teacher. This person knows something about music. If he can love people. Yeah. So my view of the situation is they are doing, you know, brilliantly, unconsciously, give you a chance to prove that you love them. In other words, can you love them even though you don't like them? Some of them are. We can lie. But I mean, even though you don't like that they're... Yeah, I don't like... What they're doing as performers or as students, like it, can you love them? Can you welcome them doing something that you don't like?

[52:44]

So the welcoming when you do what you don't like, the welcoming when they... don't use their intelligence in a skillful way. Because you can use skillful intelligence . Humans are smart enough to be able to do stupid things that no other animal can do on this planet. We're so smart. We can do really super unskillful things other animals just can't do. So how do I express my... You express it after you find it. Yeah, that's a good... You have to find it in your heart that you really welcome these kids to be stupid. Now, it isn't just that you think they're stupid. They want to show you stupidity to see if you can welcome it. If you don't welcome it, they will give you another test. Right. It's like, what is it, the story of Rumpelstiltskin, right?

[53:52]

Isn't that a story? Well, this guy says his daughter can spill straw into gold. The king says, well, if that's the case, I will make her my queen. Send her over. So he sends her over to do this miraculous thing. The miraculous thing of spinning straw into gold. How do you do that? You spin stupidity into love. You welcome stupidity. You're a teacher, an intelligent teacher, trying to bring out their intelligence at the service of this heart. So then they say, they aren't bringing you silver to turn into gold. They aren't bringing you gold to turn into gold. They're bringing you straw. Now make gold out of this, teacher. Well, she didn't know how. Her father lied. She didn't know how to spin straw into gold.

[54:53]

She didn't know how to make rebellious students into welcomed students. She didn't know how. So what she did, which is probably good for you too, which you're sort of doing right now, is she cried and she cried and she cried. in the room by herself. So you should go sit in meditation and cry and cry and cry because these terrible students spin us into gold. And so Rumpelstiltskin came up through the floor or something and said, I can help you. I can help you. So something will come to you and teach you how to welcome them. And when you welcome them, it's going to be a miracle. It feels like that. Because you have to be highly trained to see how stupid they are. Most people don't even understand how they're stupid. But you're trained so you can see, these people are just not behaving well.

[55:57]

Yeah, it's true. But they're refined to it. I mean, I'm used to students not behaving well. Well, students are moving forward here. That's true. So what I'm saying is this is leading up to not only do you need to welcome them, but once you do, then the king says, great. With the aid of Rumpelstiltskin. Who's Rumpelstiltskin in this story? No, no. You're whoever she is. I forgot her name. The miller's daughter. You're the miller's daughter crying. But Rumpelstiltskin is coming to help you. What's Rumpelstiltskin? They're going to help me? The Buddhas and Bodhisattvas are going to come and help you love these students. And then, as a result of that, you're going to have a miracle. you're going to love him. Not like him, because what they want to see is if we do what he doesn't like, will he love us?

[57:03]

Can he love us when we're not feeding his narcissism, if there is any? Not whatsoever. But just in case there is, we're going to feed him, not feed it, and see if he still can love us when we don't do what he thinks is best. He's in the position of saying what's supposed to happen here. If we don't do what he says, if we offer him something very creative, rather than going along with his program, will he still love us? And the answer is, with the aid of the Buddhas, you will. You will welcome him. I love you when you're doing this. I hate that you're doing this, but I welcome you to do it. then the reward will be, the king says, not twice as much straw into gold. A bigger room. And if you can spin this one into gold, well, you'll be doing your real work.

[58:05]

And then after they do that, then they will really Then they will really start studying. Of course they will. Then they'll really totally engage it. But they want to find out, is this tradition? Yeah, right. In fact, that's absolutely the case. That's what they want to find out. And you can't do it by yourself. We're all helping you. You've got to ask the Buddhists to help you somehow open your heart, because they're saying, here's a really rotten thing. Can you open your heart to this? You like, right? Now I'm going to twist it and break it up into pieces. Can you accept this? And you've got to say, this is such a beautiful tradition. It's about love in the form of this art. And I can accept you. I do accept you. And I also think what you're doing is, you know, stupid or whatever, you know. Slap them in the face or whatever you want to do. But the point is, it's coming from you check.

[59:07]

You really do welcome them. You do see how beautiful they are, testing you to show them that you can accept. And then always test you again and again to make sure. So this is like they're pushing you into a really vital relationship with them, which is really hard. I can understand that. It's also beautiful. Yeah, it's so beautiful. Is it like as a teacher? This is like a tremendous opportunity that they're giving you this gift, which is pushing you to really be an authentic teacher. rather than just telling what you already know. Yeah, right. So then they're teaching you, too. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And so is the authenticity kind of and slapping them? They're like ,, when they slap you, they're asking you, can you see this as love?

[60:13]

This is their way of love. Or it's another story. Another story is what is called King Lear. The king says, okay, daughters, do you love me? And the one who really loves him comes up and kind of slaps him and says, I love you, but I'm not going to say what you think is love. I'm going to refuse to be inauthentic. What? I'm going to refuse. She will not be. I will not be inauthentic. Asking me to be inauthentic, I love you too much for that. That's right. And he can't accept it. These children are saying to me, Daddy, I'm not going to be inauthentic. I'm going to give you something that's coming from me, but it's not that I really think this is. I'm telling you, I want to see if you really love me, if you're really qualified to be my teacher. That's their slap in your face. Right. And King Lear, the tragedy is he couldn't see. The long boat, the Linji, Linji couldn't see it at first, but he finally got it.

[61:18]

With the various Rumpa Stillskins, he finally got it. He saw, oh, and I'm trying to help you see it. These children are trying to help you be a really authentic teacher. But the way they're doing that is they're saying, if we're difficult, what will you do? your program, what would you do? We're smart kids. We live in California. We don't have to put up any bullshit. We can go in there and we'd want to find out who are the real teachers. And we don't have to just go along with the program. We can go to other schools. I think, like, what they're doing is a denial. It's a denial. Of authenticity. Yeah. They're saying authenticity is bullshit. Yeah, so can I come up to you and say authenticity is bullshit? And can you handle that? And the answer is, it's hard. But, yeah. It's like, I want to talk to you.

[62:21]

But... in a way that gets you more than that. I want to find out the way you most would like me to talk, and I'm going to say I don't want to do it that way. But what am I doing here? How did I happen to appear in front of you to tell you that? It's like, are you going to help me like this? And your answer is... Let me, this is hard for me, kid. Help me, would you? I need a break. Give me a break. I'll get back to you on this. I think I can challenge. Yeah. And I want to meet it. Yeah. And I don't want to crush you into my idea of what a student is, but I'm tempted. So I've got to take a break here, because I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. You tell him that. Say, I'm on the verge of trying to make you into what I want you to be, rather than appreciating this difficult student that you are.

[63:28]

But I'm not ready right now. Yeah, it's like, how do you protect yourself? Protects okay. Okay. Protect what? Your own. Protect your own, yeah. Okay, ego. Take care of your own ego. Take care of yourself. Say as a student, I need some time to protect my own ego. Yeah. I'll come back to you. Yeah, I mean, that actually is authentic. It's authentic. Yeah. I got him, and he's not responding to getting him by trying to crush me back. He's like saying, okay, he got me. He got me. That was good. That was a good one. That's a good slap. But I need a break now to recover. So this is great. I'm so happy for you. Thank you. This is a great place to practice.

[64:32]

I'm glad you got a job. Any other feedback? I'm kind of troubled by this violence or the slipping, the slapping and the hitting. You're troubled by violence? Is anybody else troubled by violence? Yeah, we are troubled by violence. It's a big problem. So the question is, without violence, how are we going to relate to it? It is troubling. Violence is troubling, especially when it hurts people. But what did Liji do?

[65:36]

He withdrew and his friend told him. And he went back again and again to meet this person, even though the person might be violent. Violence needs to be met in order to pacify. And he pacified the other one too. Peace reigned. But what was developed in the story was somebody who can make peace. We had one peace. We had two guys who could make peace trying to make a successor. What trained him was by offering him some violence just for the sake of him learning how to pacify, how to be peaceful with it. So we are troubled by violence. The Buddhist tradition is about peace. That's the point of the tradition, is peace.

[66:38]

The Buddha didn't have no violence around him. That's why I'm saying, the Buddha, people ask me when I walk around, they say, they see my outfit and they say, are you into martial arts? And I say, yes. And they say, what kind? I say, Buddhist. That was going to be my next question. How do I practice it? Well, I practice it by meeting, by trying to meet violence with peacefulness. With a dance. I try to meet violence. I try to dance with violence. Bring peace. And there's some kind of violence that may be too advanced for me. So in that case, I say, give me a break. These kids are kind of being violent with you. So give me a break. In tango dancing, you know, generally speaking, the males are usually the leaders, but the females kind of look across the room at the females to sort of like see if they want to dance.

[67:46]

And if she looks back at you, you start walking towards her, and if she keeps looking at you, you keep walking towards her, and eventually she'll walk towards you. But if you look over there and she looks away, the females can refuse the offer, but you make the invitation. So when you see violence, can you walk towards it and dance with it? But sometimes when it's coming towards you, you don't want to dance right now, so look away. You should be allowed to look away. I don't want to dance with her. When I first came to the practice a few years back, I gave up my boxing classes, you see, because I thought this was a peaceful tradition, you know, and I wasn't going to do my boxing every Saturday. In more recent years, I started to wonder about martial arts. There was one of the... apprentice teachers in Sydney actually used to write about martial arts and his Zen practice.

[68:55]

And then I've started to think, well, there's actually a Zendo here in Santa Barbara, a Kendo club. Zendo and Kendo are a bit similar. A Kendo club. Will I go and get Kendo or not? And I sort of think, no, actually, it's still, it's violent. How does something like Kendo, Aikido, some of those butsudo, arts, fit, in a way, because they're violent. Aikido's not particularly violent. Aikido literally means loving energy way, the path of loving energy. And judo means, is the gentle way. And they call judo, they don't say fighting, they say There's a wide range of martial arts. By the way, many schools of martial arts say they come from a place called Shaolin. They say that they come from Bodhidharma. There's something about Zen that martial arts want to associate themselves with.

[70:05]

Stillness. So, I think everybody should become a martial artist. in order to work for peace. We should learn how to walk up to violence in this world and bring peace to it. But at the same time, you should not go if you're not up for it. So I told this story a few times. You've probably heard it before. The Buddha was asked when an army was approached to go and stop the army. An army was going to attack, and his people asked him, the people in his country asked him to go and stop the army. And he went and sat on the road as the army approached, and the army stopped and went back. Martial arts. Then they came to go back again, and they went back again, and they stopped and went back. Then they came again, and his people asked him to go again, and he said...

[71:07]

This time they won't stop. I'm not going to go. It's not going to work. So some situations are not going to work. So you don't see a way to stop it. That's the way it is sometimes. But you need to train so that you don't run away from difficulty, violence, cruelty, sickness, old age, and death. These things are coming. These enemies, you call them enemies, they're coming. Can you go and meet them and practice loving energy, gentle playfulness with them? And the answer is, I don't know if I can. Well, do you want to learn? Maybe some of these classes will help you meet aggressive energy with a skillful way that makes a peaceful interaction.

[72:12]

That would be appropriate and in line with the Buddha. The Buddha knew how to do that. Also, the Buddha was an artist before he left home. He already knew how to use bow and arrow, ride horses, and stuff like that. So he already had some training in traditional martial arts, but when he became enlightened, he really became a supreme martial artist. It's a warrior who makes peace. That's why it's an art. I don't know if that's why it's art. That's why it's the Buddha way. It's a peaceful way. You can see if you're ready to do those classes in such a way that the classes make you more gentle, the classes make you more gentle. I did different kinds of physical activity when I was young.

[73:17]

And I found, and I also did judo. The boxing I did, my coach actually, I heard, got in a fight in a bar. And I stopped boxing. I didn't want to be a student of a person who goes and beats people up in bars. I went and played judo. None of my judo teachers ever, or even the students, ever got in fights. They were the kind of people that if there was violence going on, they would go into the situation. One of my judo players was a person who did the first kidney transplant in this world. I think people are concerned with helping people who are practicing judo. So not all boxing are violent, but some are.

[74:23]

And they need somebody to teach them how to practice boxing or whatever in a non-violent way. So I think I get the feeling like you would like to engage with energy in a way that comes to fruit as peace. And some training may help you do that. Because I've always run away from what I thought was violence or avoided it. I wanted to. But don't you have a friend in prison? I do. Don't you have a friend in prison? I do. Yeah. So that's a kind of violent situation. It is, yeah. You go towards it. Yeah, I do. You have some difficulty, but some part of you wants to go and invade with that world and bring peace to it, I think, right? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. You're giving to that world that has lots of violence in it. Yes. Yeah, I just wanted to find a new way to kind of explore that myself.

[75:31]

Exactly. That will help you when you go into that world. Yeah. That will help you help them. to train yourself to be more authentic yourself around your own aggressive energy. You all have some aggressive energy. But are we intimate? Are we fully engaging? And the answer is, I'm trying to learn how. I haven't fully, I'm not complete, or I'm fully engaged right now, but then the next moment, I may get distracted. So, yeah, I would encourage you to do that. I would encourage everybody to practice martial arts. But, you know, Tony was talking about wanting to learn how to not run away from the pain in his legs.

[76:37]

So to run away from the pain in your legs is a martial arts. It's a martial arts. to learn how to deal with pain in your legs. And that's a big part of Zen. Pain in the legs is quite common in Zen. So that's why it's a martial art. We deal with the pain in our legs. Hopefully we learn to do it in a gentle, peace-promoting way, rather than demean to ourselves around the pain in our body. No, how to be gentle with pain. how to be gentle and relaxed and patient and concentrated and careful. A body that has pain. It's a martial art. That's all. Tomorrow I'll go back to people are practicing a lot of sitting and have a lot of physical difficulty with their own body and with their body.

[77:51]

So I'm going there to practice with them how to be really kind and careful and patient with the physical of that practice. It's not like most of the people go through a day there with no discomfort physically. a lot of them have quite a bit of discomfort on a daily basis. And they voluntarily went to a place where that would be the case. In a wholesome environment, in an environment where they wouldn't be harmed, how to engage physical difficulty. Not just mental difficulty, but also physical difficulty. And I went there too. You know? And it's 99. You know, that's physically difficult for me. It was, I had a hard time. My wife says, how are you doing? I said, it's hard. This is hard. I'm stupid I came here.

[78:52]

This is so hard. Not only am I separated from you, but it's hot. You know, I dealt with the difficulty. It's hard day after day. And then it got cooled off. That was nice. And then it got cold. And that was difficult. And it's going to get quite a bit colder. I mean, now it's 50 at night, so it's 50 indoors at night. And it's kind of cold at 50. But it's going down. Not going down to 40. And that's cold to be in 40. Unless you wear parkas and stuff, and we don't. We go down to 30. But we're not going to be in real warm rooms with 30 outside. It's going to be kind of like 30 inside, too. And then it's going to go down to below 30.

[79:55]

I don't know how far below, but it's going to be difficult. It's going to be okay. Because we know we're going to learn how to deal with the temperature. And it's going to be hard. But I don't teach tough it out. I teach be gentle with it. Be tender. Be relaxed. Be calm. Welcome it. And you can find peace with this stuff. Dealing with cold is a martial arts. Any other feedback at this time? Walking meditations?

[80:58]

But now I realize why I thought it was later. I looked at this clock. This clock is one hour ahead. So don't worry. You still have some more time.

[81:23]

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