For some time now I've been trying to write a paper for a friend of mine who lives in England. The paper was something about, it was gonna be about Wittgenstein and Shakespeare. And my idea for this paper was that the thing that Wittgenstein and Shakespeare shared was a profound disillusionment. Not just an ordinary broken heart, but a really broken world down to the core of language they experienced. And yet, the two of them overcame resentment at this disillusionment.

[01:07]

And their working out in an unresentful way, overcoming the tendency to resent a broken heart, produced great gifts to the world. And I was going to tie this into the Heart Sutra where Avalokiteshvara, bodhisattva of infinite compassion, also, when practicing the deep perfection of wisdom, was deeply disillusioned about the five skandhas. All his illusions were crushed. And he didn't get resentful about it. And he was relieved from all suffering. So that's kind of the idea of the paper.

[02:09]

But I haven't been able to finish it for two years. And it's actually one of the main... It bugs me that I haven't finished it because... I said some of these ideas to him and he said, please write a paper about that. And I said, I'll try. And he said, don't try. Will you do it? And I said, yes. So I don't know how many of you are in touch with disillusionment. I don't know how many of you have been disillusioned by this world of birth and death and had your heart broken because things didn't turn out the way you would have wished or you were hoping for or you expected it to be. But if you did get disillusioned, as I think many of you, I think I know many of you did get disillusioned from your stories, the key now is for how to not become resentful about it and in response to this disillusionment, hopefully in response to a very deep disillusionment,

[03:20]

we generate a positive and beneficial response. And I'm happy to see that there are people right in this sangha, right in this room, who have been pretty deeply disillusioned and are making really great responses. And I'm probably going to embarrass some people, but anyway, Lynn Zanke, the head monk in the city center, just finished her practice period as head monk and did the Shuso ceremony. And that woman has had some disappointments in her life, but she really did a wonderful job at Shuso.

[04:22]

She really gave her body and soul to the practice period. And she was greatly benefited by this great gift she gave. So there's one happy story about somebody who, at least for three months, wasn't resentful about all the disappointments that have occurred in her life. We hope that she can keep it up. And right here at Green Gulch, we have our own head monk who also, I think, has had some disappointments, which she told you about, which caused her to make some radical changes in her life.

[05:28]

And also she is now in the process of making this wonderful response to all that disillusionment. And in the city center they have this this room now which they're showing the art of friends and members of Zen Center. And now in the art room they are showing the pottery of Cathy Cook and the calligraphy art of Patti Schneider. Oh, Jenny Grote's in there too? Oh, I didn't see. Little Jenny is in there too. And before that, Rosie Penhollow's paintings were in there.

[06:38]

And Lou Hartman said, They've gotten good enough so that the first thing you think of when you see their work is the work. You know how when you see your friend's work, the first thing you think of is, what am I going to say? Or I hope I like it. Or they did this or something like that. Or actually, they've gotten so good that the first thing you think of is what they did, and then the second you think, oh, I know that person. Or, that's great that they did that. Those two are pretty close. They're both their friends, those two responses. One time, Emily showed me something that she painted, a picture of, I think, Avalokiteshvara, and my first response was, wow, that's really good.

[07:46]

And Ruth's first response was, Emily, you're doing so well. Anyway, Kathy's work, I think some of you have seen it. It's really getting good. It's really inspiring to see. how her disappointment has been converted into beauty. Now maybe something besides disappointment is motivating the construction of these works, I suppose, I don't know. Well, I mean, I know, yes, of course. Rice. Rice is the primary thing there. And other fruits and vegetables are producing the energy, but... That energy can go in a lot of ways, I think. Anyways, it's great. And also, other people then can buy them. And they don't have to get in the traffic jams to buy their Christmas presents.

[08:52]

So it's very nice. And also, Patty's stuff is really great, too. It's just... You can just feel the concentration there and the steering away from resentment is clearly apparent. And Rosie Penhollow's paintings are, as I mentioned in the car last night when we were driving back, she's not copying anybody. It's definitely her coming out of her work with herself. And her work with herself is getting more and more, is getting deeper and more unique. I mean, it's really inspiring. So anyway, I'm seeing all this... Too bad there were no men in the list, sorry. But anyway, these five women are all really, I think, have had various...

[09:56]

disillusionments and disappointments, but they're all making a great response to it. Also on the way home, Blanche, one of the drawings I didn't get a chance to see, and Blanche told me about this one that Patty did of Kafka, something from Kafka. Huh? Jenny did that one? Okay. Well, anyway, whoever did it, Kafka also did it. There's a man for you. Not a guy. There's a miserable one who made a wonderful response. He was always on the edge of getting mighty resentful against his dad, among other people. But he also came out of it and produced some great art.

[11:00]

Some crappy art? Oh, I'm not saying there's no resentment. I say they overcome resentment. Anyway, the thing that he wrote was, you don't need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Listen. Not even listen. Simply wait.

[12:06]

Not even wait. Be silent and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice. It will roll in ecstasy at your feet. Thoreau says, all you need to do, you only need to sit long enough in an attractive spot in the forest, and all the inhabitants will, in their turn, present themselves to you.

[13:30]

So for three months we've been practicing wall gazing. And I don't know if you sat long enough yet. We did three months. Bodhidharma did 54 times as long. Just think, if you just did 54 of these practice periods, we didn't even do three months. Six weeks. Six weeks. So Bodhidharma did 108 times as many. Isn't that an interesting number? So if you did 108 of these practice periods, you would do as much wall gazing as Bodhidharma did at Shaolin. So, do you have time to do 108 more? Maybe. Hey! Thank you. Anyway, first one's good. Beginner's mind, right?

[14:42]

So you've been practicing wall gazing. We've been practicing wall gazing. And again, I don't know if you feel that all the inhabitants have presented themselves or if you feel that the world has presented itself to you to be unmasked. If you feel that rolling in ecstasy at your feet, but... Maybe practice wall gazing a little bit more if you don't feel that way yet. But as I mentioned, some of these people, the world seems to be rolling in ecstasy at their feet or at their hands. And I think I could mention other people for whom in this Sangha the world is rolling in ecstasy and agony at the tip of their toes or at the tip of their fingers. I named Pam Hawaii's Listening to Oneness, Quiet or Peaceful Transformation.

[15:55]

I didn't realize it until tonight that that's almost the same as wall-gazing spring flower opens behind you. That's a good name. I was lucky. And so was she. So are we. So let's keep listening to oneness, all right, and let the quiet transformation occur. It's very quiet, so quiet. It's almost like it's behind you, almost like you can't hear it. Tonight at the dinner table, Jim Jordan made some apocryphal comment about St. Francis Assisi. Was it St. Francis Assisi you're thinking of?

[16:58]

Studied with Sufis in North Africa. But you know, I don't think there were any Sufis at the time of St. Francis. I think they came after him. But anyway, speaking of Sufis, I mentioned that Oh, and Jim said, those are Zen Muslims. And I agreed, not Zen, but maybe Buddhist. I like the theory that what happened was the Muslims came into India and they killed all the Buddhist monks, chopped their heads off. And then after they killed them all, they stopped and they thought, That was awfully easy. They stopped and they thought, that was awfully easy. And they just kept thinking about how easy it was to kill them, how easily they died. They kept contemplating their victims, and finally they turned into Sufis.

[18:03]

Do you understand? What were they doing? They were contemplating oneness. If the murderer contemplates oneness of all beings, the murderer turns into a Sufi or a gentle, compassionate person. At least that's my faith, and I pass out names on that basis. But Pam, don't even listen.

[19:03]

Well, it's almost time to stop. The practice period, this practice period is almost over and we'll have a little break and then we'll have another practice period. I hope we can let this one really die and then maybe a new one will be born. You know, this will be the first practice period of the last decade of the 20th century. And you will be there.

[20:41]

The first practice period of the last decade of a millennium. Can't pass that one up. So maybe we don't completely understand what the wall gazing is yet. Maybe we don't understand completely what it means to listen to oneness. But maybe with a little break we'll be willing to give it another try, study it some more. In me is a question, kind of a silly question. It goes like, what did you learn?

[21:56]

So why don't you stand up and make a circle and tell us what you learned. Okay, why don't you do that?

[22:20]

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