Reaching Home Again Without Realizing It

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we're in the process of creating a new book on the body sought for training
particularly the zen family style a bodhisattva training
the process of creation has been going on for a long time

romi what does a quarter behind you and you give it to give it to somebody

how the structure of this creation
one one of the structures is a parable
which is in the lotus sutra
in the chapter

and in that chapter the the parable is basically a about
a young man or a boy who wanders away from his
family and home
and wanders for a long time
fifty years
during that time he
the longer he wanders the more destitute and impoverished he becomes
some translations say finally he happened to come to a town and other translations say by chance he came to a town
where his father was living

and he happened to i could actually walk near where his father the the the kind of celestial palace where his father was living and yeah
and he sees his father
and he's awestruck at the vision of his magnificent father and all his
all of his life
which involves tremendous power and wealth awesome
majestic power and wealth that his father appears in the midst of and he's frightened of this
and he
thinks that this is not a good place for him so he runs away

and as father's sees what's going on and
well yeah and thinks of this kind of
means and he sends some of his sturt servants some of his attendance to go to his son but before they go they put on destitute filthy tattered clothing so that not to frighten him and they
catch up with him and they offer him a job
of shoveling dung and he's very happy to and now we've given the job but that he'll get paid for it and food and clothing and housing and the sun's very happy to get this opportunity to shovel done
and then destroy goes on the sun does that
dung shoveling training for a long time and his confidence and his
in his being and his relationship with the great wealth of the family
that's employing him
he gradually becomes able to accept finally that that's his original family
and so it's a long training process by which he basically realizes his original home his original family
last week i i started to talk about the dung shoveling phase of the process
but then i've been asked to put on a bit more attention onto the time when he returned home

so i gave some talks about the wandering phase and then
some some talk about the beginning of training which involved shoveling dung and on today i like to address a little bit the situation when a first
re encounters and he doesn't know it's a real encounter
when the first time he meets his father after fifty years and sees his father
and is
kind of terrified
in the meaning of this awesome mysterious

in the process of wandering around
trying to find some way to live
it does happen sometimes that people
meet something
lad on
yeah something awesome something
they get a glimmering of something that is
and frightening

and in the story it doesn't say and somewhat attractive

it also says say in the store it it yeah it does say in the story
kind of that this he sees something
you know
he sees precious jewels in abundance he sees beautiful
precious jewels and treasures and beautiful ah
home decorations and clothing and people he sees this beauty of this great abundance
he seized beauty but it most emphasizes that he's afraid of it
and this thought comes up something like this
is the beginning
a terror
which we can just barely stand

said something like that
so the sun saw this beauty of his own family
did not know recognize it but he he felt the beginning of a terror which did not destroy him but he was afraid it would
a terror that this beauty at this
this situation would destroy him
and he could stand it and enough to take that beauty in
and ran away

and then and then the training opportunity comes because the father
watch the first of all his father sends his a tendency to get the sun
and bring him back but they're wearing their beautiful clothes and are beautiful faces and their beautiful bodies
they're awesome presence is goes to him and they apprehend him to bring him back
and he thinks they're gonna kill him so he faints and that his father says oh he doesn't understand so he says let him go
and they do learn they they wake him up they revive him and let him go and he's very happy and he says he's very joyful he feels like he's gotten something he didn't have before that you've got a new life
and then as an aspect of this immense wealth
i small a little tiny bit of the wealth and sent in the form of offering him a job and this little tiny sliver of this vast incoherent inconceivable wondrous family
that little sliver he can take
i go off and say
if you give people just a little bit a lot of people can accept it but as you give them more and more fewer and fewer fewer people can accept it

yeah and
we have this life
we have this family
and this family is actually a process
the original family is the process
in which we are are in which we are living our original home is an inconceivable process
and again i addressed that some time ago this process which is
is us
and we are everything how we include everything and we are included in everything this is a relationship this is a process and this is the process in which were living
but this process of course is inconceivable we can't see
how were included in everything and everything's included in us however we can resist that teaching
we can resist that teaching very easily by
feeling that were not included in something or somebody
i'm not included in him and also he's not included in me
we can resist it
and that resistance is part of the process of realizing this original

so again as one were little babies we kind of were world were somewhat open to this
awesome tremendous mysterious family
we're somewhat open to it and we need a lot of support
to get through the day
in the face of this actual
process of creation which is our home
we need a lot of compassion
in order to you know
in order to
in order to live in order to
on the breast
can already to go to sleep
in the face of this awesomeness
and then along with the compassion we get we gradually are given various stories to reduce
and limit
this process into some conceivable graspable form

which helps us cope with the inconceivable
home that's always
not separate from us

and as i mentioned again couple months ago
our conceivable home or conceivable world are graspable world is fundamentally ungraspable inconceivable
because are coherent world is originally incoherent
living in the coherent world we yearn for
we're hungry for are inconceivable home
which we are live still living in but which we've covered over
as a coping mechanism along with other beings who have covered over
so we cope with them and they've covered us over so they can cope with us
we yearn for this and we and we go wandering to find it
but we don't know where we're looking for so the more we wander
the marred destitute and impoverished we become and finally we get a glimmer
oh the beauty again and again we might be somewhat attracted to it because we've been looking for it and we might be somewhat frightened of it because it's so immense so tremendous so mysterious

so in some people's some human stories people like know they see something beautiful
like i saw a picture of somebody sitting cross legged operate on a tatami mat
and there was a subtitle under the picture which said in deepest thought and i thought he had deepest thought when you're when you're in deepest thought your body is beautiful
when your deepest thought your body is awesome and mysterious
i didn't i didn't i didn't feel frightened by the picture of their body sitting by with the picture i think in the room changing room is it
is it in there so that picture that i saw his in the next room over there
that was in nineteen fifty four
life magazine
i didn't feel frightened by that picture
i could i thought i think i could feel some that it was kind of an awesome picture
but i i guess i could feel the beauty
the beauty was might i could stand i could tolerate the
the fear
of my original home
when i saw this picture

i was attracted to the beauty
and i was involved in a training program
at the university of minnesota
to train my thought
i got a message that
my thought would be trained most deeply if my body was part of it and if my body was beautiful that would train my mind to be my thought to be more and more profound
and that gets into the training again harder you train your body
into beauty which is training years your life into
and realizing this awesome original home

so we say wander away but we only wander away in our dreams and we say return home but we never really left
and again when we returned home we don't necessarily feel like it's home but we might feel that beauty which is
kind of i know a word teetering doesn't really quite work but when the beauty which is
in the face
the beauty which is in the face or the beauty which is the face
have something so awesome
that we tremble
and so mysterious

and training our body and mind and relationship
to these issues
is the best the process
of training

so now i'm wearing a robe and

this robe or is made of linen
rob you can see here are over my body is made of linen and i asked suzuki roshi his wife to order this robe for me this cloth this robe and she did and originally this rob was black
black good
almost fifty years ago
she got disrobe for me i paid for it but she she ordered it from japan
about at that mercy and about
ten years later
i was given some brown robes
so i thought that i would bleach my black robe my nice black linen rome i would bleach it
and i did bleach it and it came out the color you see which you might call what what colors is
brown and the other i were ideas
hmm top taught top top anyway here it is this is the color this is a result of might have my
endeavour's which are part of my training
was too what part of my training was to wear these robes and also to change the color of them
as part of the training however i didn't do a very good job or bleaching it i used i think i don't know any why didn't i i didn't do such a good job because as a result of my
color changing activities the rob was that the fabric was
could say weekend
and it started to fall apart and it's still falling apart

i'll show you like see this

see this
see this
and then a couple of years ago
and people have been trying to repair it i mean one of them for quite awhile so couple years ago somebody put a new backing on it
so it's got this it's become quite a bit heavier robe because it has this backing which is holding it together
plus the front also needs to be repaired and we some people might want to do that during work period today
and quite frequently people come and see this robin they say what do they say when they see it
they say it's beautiful
and you said it's awesome they say it's beautiful even though what what they're seeing is his robe which is falling apart
this falling apart room gets people to think gets people thinking of beauty
the way we're falling apart and becoming the whole universe
just before you're frightened by the way you're falling apart becoming our universe
or just just before you can't stand
how you're falling apart to become our universe
there a beauty
why you can see just why you can stand it
and also just why you at the moment you can still tolerate the way the whole universe is becoming you
before you can stand it anymore
it's beauty it's it's beauty
so this rome
for some people they see if they see it falling apart they may not even know that what they sing but they're seeing a robust can an ongoing process and an open ended process of deterioration and change this robe is not in the process of being annihilated
this probe will not be annihilated
however it is
a superficial appearance of something that
an interaction makes this visible part constantly change and people can see the change it doesn't like this side people nobody seems this side but nope so they can't say that this the other side is beautiful
but if you can see this falling apart than you'd see as decides beautiful to but when you can't see that something falling apart
you're missing something because if some things are falling apart and they're falling apart not into annihilation but they're falling into all the parts
and the parts are infinite everything's turning into infinite parts all day long an infinite parts all day long are turning into the thing this is the home which we return to
and then we train to develop the ability to live in this original home to tolerate
being a drifting wreckage
as ts eliot said how can there be an end to a drifting wreckage
there's no end to us
because we're not like on not wreck that ends and becomes a wreck we are a wreck
and also
the palm
this this this this this this this
this this linky tumbledown grass hut
leaves openings for the moon
now i gaze at it
all the while it was reflected in the teardrops fallen on my sleeves

so this is a
homage to the part of the story called
by chance
he came to wear his
family was living
and again i'm addressing that when he finally came to her his family was living he ran away from it he
he he could stand the fear a long enough to see how beautiful his family was
pretty soon he could stand on anymore and he ran away from the beauty he thought the beauty would hurt him
what would enslave him

so then he got show on something that wasn't quite so beautiful
a junge dung traveling or actually dung shufflers who are hiring him to sharp shoveled done that wasn't so beautiful and other words they weren't so terrifying
it's not a principal
what doesn't terrify you is not so beautiful
as what terrifies you something like that

like you see so many of say well he's pretty he's beautiful she is beautiful it's beautiful okay
and you're not scared of it
maybe not yet the navy or not yet seeing the beauty the beauty comes when you start to feel the fear the awesomeness of this
so it could be somebody that you think is cute and suddenly they're not cute anymore there
but they're becoming mysterious
looks like you're having trouble with that part
before they they're not they're beautiful but they're not yet mysterious are not yet tremendous they're not yet frightening
i would say that maybe the career consideration the beauty has not yet come you'd call them beautiful but you haven't yet heard hello
hello you think i'm beautiful he think i'm weird i guess what we're know i started to get for afraid
i guantanamo i was with my grandson and when he was a little boy i think he thought i was pretty cool pretty neat guy he's interested in me
he wasn't he wasn't kind of like of grandad is really boring i want to go do something fun he actually thought i was kind of
and he was really interested in me
and i don't know how it came up exactly but
but i
i think maybe he told me that mean that he wasn't afraid of me for or something like that
so i was beautiful to him
but not the kind of beauty that was like starting to be a little frightening
so i just started to change the well as talking slightly
so rather than saying look at the look at the beautiful maple trees i said look at the mirror of maple audrey is don't you think the leaves are lonely and he said stop and granddaddy

i don't know
i don't know but anyway he he he was kind of telling me now that basically things are pretty good and he had everything under control
and he was okay so my or maybe i'll change my voice a little bit and see what you think so that i didn't think necessarily he would become intolerant of it
he could have just thought oh this is cool it changed your voice but he said no no his world was his world was starting to fall apart by my voice changing
suddenly the grand daddy that was there disappeared not disappeared but changed into another granddaddy and then he told the grand the new granddaddy to go back to the old granddaddy and i went along with it but i don't know why that all happened but i didn't think it was rather interesting
to say the least
see the children they're kind of a with so you change your voices suddenly the doors open on vastness
adult usually are not that easily tipped off to the vastness but just a little change in the timbre of the voice opens the door for their children
they've been using these techniques to hold that stuff at bay
that they learned
but they're not so rigid they're not so sunk into these techniques so it doesn't take so much to open the door again to make the hut leak and let the moon is sometimes easier for them
but then they how did they had these techniques which are stop that granddaddy
so i can put so the world compact come back together and we can close up the lakes and shut out the moon

so maybe that's a
maybe that's
ah enough on that topic for the time being to satisfy the needs of the chapter called returning home
which will be inserted
back before last week's talk i suppose

and when i set my grandson he has he has a younger cousin
a younger boy cousin
who accidentally
we hope to weeks ago
so now someone asked me this morning how are you and i say i'm full of life and death

what his family are dealing with
they're dealing with a beauty
which is
the beginning of a terror that they can barely
at the same time they're grieving the

the life
have this beautiful boy

and once again
he was a beautiful boy but
the real beauty of him
if not you know is terrifying
the superficial beauty which is like
kind of salad and coherent that was there that there's another beauty which we can barely stand
which is there too

and that applies to all of us yes
so i felt something different as i like here
the wine to say star is number lot
he came up was around some
hiking free time
that me was more frightening
hey mister

yeah it's like you might break it it might break you
or it might get broken
all this stuff is working together
hit my break you and then and now what about that he might break it than what about that all these possibilities are present all the time and we have a quick we have developed patterns to wall all that to wall that over
this is a temporary walling over for a temporary home to make a temporary wall over our to cover our real home but then we yearn for our real home which we've temporarily walled off and then were temper
impoverished by walling off our original home and we wander around in our poverty looking for our your home but we usually are looking through other walled off homes or walled and homes but our original whom is not walden are walled off
so it's indicates a very delicate
dynamic life and the process of realizing it is a delicate dynamic process
and and there's training methods to promote has been able to deal with a drifting wreckage and the wuhan that's penetrating it
and also to for us to deal with the moon that's penetrated by our wreckage

want to hold on
the nice
the an as okay
well basically yes so i think would again you can look this is very this is delegate to look at it
look at it
when you start to feel the terror
some terror for some on
about anything
and you actually can you can actually accept it and it's often something that's gonna change something's just just starting to change or or ease of use he opened as a possibility that this thing is
is not what you think it is
and as you open to that he also feel other some terror and then you're able to be with that terror
and then the the reward of being with the terror
but comes with the way this thing is that it's both
it's both this way plus it's also not this way it's both here this way and it's kind of on the verge i'm changing or it's a it and it's in danger or its at risk of being
wrecked as you open to the possibility of some form of life being wrecked it's natural to feel some hall and when you can stand at all
you get this thing called beauty
it it's very subtle though even the even the subtlety of it is awesome we can barely stand the subtlety is also beautiful
but it's not beautiful if it there's no ah if there's no terror if there's no trembling
so we need to train to be
with the trembling
so we can tolerate
that trembling that fear
has not to get the beauty
it's to be with reality which has a beautiful aspect that closely related to the fear
what were they can after me his vulnerability you know
for eastern areas to
okay so you're saying beauty breaks down the barriers that's what as one way to put it the other way is
beauty is feeling the vulnerability the feeling the beginning of the valter built not the not kind of like a few minutes ago the beginning of the vulnerability and vulnerability is somewhat frightening
the universe is going to gobble you up moon
that's part of reality the universe consumes you
it includes you but also you in gobbling the universe up that might be also that
that vulnerability
comes with
this all and if we can beauty is the beginning of that all maybe
and to be it we need to train now to we had the opportunity to train with taken care of things so they show us
the vulnerability of them in us awesome them and then they wait the training helps us like not run away from this vulnerability is all this beauty but it's not to get the beauty is to open to the moon
which just happens to be beautiful if you realize at the moon is on the verge always have
breaking not being annihilated changing the moon is can be very painful to look at when you actually opened to the impermanence of the moon not to mention the impermanence of your body so it yeah


oh no

year or or that you might disappear if you've already just appeared did not terrifying anymore
it's when you're right it's when it's when you're at risk of disappearing or or and changing is quite similar to disappearing
but after you actually disappear after you're not who you are already more you're not afraid of who have a be not being who you aren't anymore
and i think love is a perfectly good word for your love is a perfectly good alternative word for your original whom love is a perfectly good word for the way you include the whole universe and the whole universe is included in you that's so you can use the word love for that
and no way that is there's there's no way to hold onto itself or other in that process
and as you open to it as your as the way you wall off that love
it's a crack in it
and then you
do you deal with how you feel with that crack
it's beautiful
but not your idea of beauty because your idea but he also just cracked

yeah yeah
he he he had a chance to see that he thought he had a chance to see how fragile he was that his grandfather just changing the tone of his voice could make could be almost intolerable
and that he could tell me to stop it and i would
he say
is still
you know come on look at the moment you help me but i guess not
yeah the baby doesn't doesn't know how to say stop mommy
i shouldn't say they don't know how but they're learning how to stop mommy sometimes mommy is is is frightening them because mommy is so interested in them and they need a break from that
for most of my eyes looking at him when he was older this is the strangest told you i think he was younger maybe maybe he was three or four later when he was about six or seven
he was eating breakfast and i was looking at impeding breakfast the moon was shining on him
you know that the the drifting ragged the the tumbledown house was letting that moon and it was like he and he sort of started furrowing his brow and twisting his mouth and they said to me would you please stop staring at me
so he had learnt he could feel it it was too much and it also learned how to ask people to give him some space from this
from this
this intensity this this mutual inclusion and so when he said and so when he said to me
would you stop staring at me i said okay and i looked at the ceiling
and then after that would a little bit of that he was able to start talking to me again
and if and by my retina day and by
poignant coincidence when he said was
do you think gave has difficulty accepting instruction
now there was do you think my cousin one to have just died to think he has difficulties accepting construction
that was just happened to be what he's to started re-engage engage conversation with me about
so he he had learned how to ask for the space he needs when the witness when when when the beauty comes when the terror comes and it's beautiful it's beautiful that your grandfather loves you but it also at a certain point is is too
taro it's too terrifying so you need to be illicit can we have a break from this that would you stop staring at me and i and i did i didn't
it makes it really hard on the person if you keep staring out at when they ask you to stop
they they need to learn how to ask free to stop and then you need to like given that space

sixty said

make you said that it needs training
it it does it does have it it does happen organically it does however part of the organic process is that some people ask for it and don't get it that's for this sad some people say would you give me a break
and the person doesn't give them a break they don't respect the person's request and i keep bearing they keep shining a light on him
and but we're training
we we can learn how to deal with that but we do need training and sometimes some people the way they train this is they look at us it gets to be too intense we say can have a break they say okay
and then and then they're willing to interact again and then you stare at them again and they say i need a break
you know or let's not talk about this or don't change the tone of voice this is a part and
in this case in a way the grandfather is trained in the grandson by letting the grass on tell him to give him a break and given the grass on a break teaching the grounds and hakan
he can do that so
in that way the grandson can explore this this this radiance
this love this moonlight by
seeing oh the moonlight coming it's getting too intense i need a brig okay i get a break
okay if it comes again i think i'll be able to also when it gets to be too much i'll be able to say this is enough to give me a break in this way you gradually opened in the fact that there's moonlight shining through us all the time but we need to take breaks from the moonlight in order to gradually open to it
more and more
and getting breaks means we some we have to be a traitor who says you can take a break from this
one time again some of your heard this story i might be being upright
zebra she sent me to talk zahara for my semi tells are i wanted to go to us are and he he wanted me to learn how to chant do buddhist traditional buddhist chanting he wanted me to learn that
and there was a teacher coming to toss a hard to lead the practice period when who taught this kind of chanting
so i
yeah so i and i was assigned to be one of the people to be trained by him in this chanting and i learned it
and then after the practice of period was over suzuki roshi came down to toss a horror and asked me to show him what i learned
so then i
ice i chatted for him he's he listened to be champ
so while i was chanting he was like looking at me i didn't particularly feel leaves adoring me but he was definitely giving me his full attention
and of course this is this is what i came to zen and for was to get this attention to get this teacher to look at a practice and he was giving it to me
and i didn't say would you stop staring at me

but it was kind of like he was my grandfather looking at me with all this
in a way adoration of my young effort because i'd learned i learned this chanting you know i had learned it and he actually said to me
you know when taza a rush of the teacher when he chance that way it's really nice but he's an old man from in rural japan and you've copied him exactly
so for you you shouldn't chant exactly like him but i had learned in a way to chant exactly like this old japanese priest
which i think zucker she appreciated i made that effort that the series this young american pretty sounding like an old japanese priest so what he did was he from ironed my chanting he iron the the the loo
eccentricities of the chanting that i learned by take but he can kick him instruction powder smooth it out so i didn't have all of exact same qualities as this old priest
he was given me a lot of attention a lot of can say love
and it was really hard for me to take an even though this is what i'm came for this what we're here for and yet when we get it is too much so we need to be able to say stop granddaddy but i didn't say stop suzuki russia
i said
thank you so much i don't want to take anymore of your time
and he said it's okay
but i could say that you know i can feel that i was
this light was just
it was it was beautiful i knew it i whisked i was receiving this kindness from this teacher he had other things you can be doing with his life he was spending his life listening to this young priest chat and giving him feedback and he couldn't have given me a feedback but had not made an effort of learning all these chance in japanese
all geek go in a golliwog gouache and g pursue days old award or a to my e g or i am are on ya around i learned that in jap
a nice and i could didn't have to look at it i could i memorized and learn how to do that chant so he could come in and watch me and give me all that blood and now and i don't want to take anymore of your time and then it was let me get out of this room us okay you can see
but being able to say that you know get mix all space you know
let me outta here i hear you and leave but actually you mount just stay a little longer
okay let me outta here okay okay i hear you so that's the training is how to how to like
show yourself to somebody so they can look at you and then when it gets to be too much sick quite convincing as a break now
i ready to start again can i turn the light back gun
little bit longer okay how but now okay turn the lights on
okay here we go again
so what's it said in the sense that we're sad that not
there's some people are not in this training however part of the story is that we are in his training we are in the training and the part the part of the training includes the fact before we start training
and we have to wander quite a long time and get into kind of big troublesome times before work
the okay
all into the training and that one's a training starts we also have some but we aren't we we all are going to enter trading at to have wandered around long enough
after we've become destitute an impoverished enough we will enter the training which will be intense that dung had a strong odor and are back hurts sometimes from shoveling it and so on that training is hard but we're we're up for it because we know what it's like just a want
nder unemployed
so there is sadness in part part of the process is sadness and sadness is part of would help us adjust to the process
but the chapters called faith
and understanding the faith is the faith that we're in this process and we will eventually understand this but there's gonna be sadness
and destitution hoffman on in the process and then once we formerly enter training it's gonna be really intense sometimes
and then we're going to need breaks
series continues to know
i've seen of people
that actually get a lot of them
yeah because of celebrities who
completely accept
the or whereas this or as is gone awry sanctuary
so let's say you have a celebrity gay who has gotten a lot of attention
so now the the training opportunity might be
that they'd meet somebody who for some reason of the even other a celebrity somebody they appreciate
somebody who maybe they see of see even though your slumbered as they still might see someone as their teacher
or their grandmother or grandfather
and there and my grandfather might say to them
i'm sure that all this celebrity isn't going to make your arrogant

and then maybe that form of training
they can accept
it isn't that a training has always like beautiful and there isn't it to training always like opens the door so much that you can that you really feel terror
but then after saying
i'm sure you won't become arrogant about your celebrity than a few minutes later
the door might open a little bit more insight is he sang them is any kind of indirectly saying that i'm arrogant
and now he started to feel more vulnerable
mmm you go back and say were you saying that i
will you kind of indirectly and is in are saying you know and when you ask the question maybe years and the teacher might say
oh no our new teacher might say all know i wasn't saying that to you you're not arrogant
and now mr we started to feel even over celebrity we feel terrified
it could go like that for a celebrity because celebrities it's possible that a celebrity might become arrogant right
so you can be a celebrity and maybe it's possible to be a celebrity but not be arrogant isn't that possible yes but also possible to be arrogant so then somebody can like
talk a little bit on the fabric that we're putting between ourselves in our life
and say would you like me to pull the fabric open a little bit and we say
hmm hmm
most of you to ask and then you walk away and the fabric just gonna start to rip like this starts to come apart and then you start to look at it and so it can go like that so it
another example is a kind of related to this is this is a girl she gave me a piece of paper one time as they used on bulb
do know about this is done below
somebody probably knows about the user on all of don't pay anyway now you know there was a used on below and has set on it reverend suzuki has one of somebody gave this on below and he used it a scratch paper
and he wrote on there
i think five vertical lines
how many have heard the story
it's probably in being upright but anyway
fly vertical lines and so for them were kind of at the same height and once stood up above the others one of those vertical lines was a celebrity
he didn't say that but i'm saying that to you
one of the vertical lines stood up among the others and cigars said we don't have that one

we don't have that celebrities things sticking up among among all of our abilities we don't have this one and in other words
either you should bring all it all the other ones up to that level which i think the way men are and she'd bring the other ones up to that level
isn't that you should push that went down
like for example if you're a good chanter
if you've trained to chanting it isn't that you to stop being well trained at chanting which i j which i trained you had along with you had to teachers teaching hundred isn't that you don't have a chant anymore but you should bring some other things up to that level so then your skill will stand out
and then he wrote an example of something or another one of the arrows shouldn't actually be lifted up the same height
in chinese and then he translates said this this monastic
regulation means not visiting other people's rooms
not visiting other people's rooms it's a monastic guideline

so again if you're a celebrity a teacher might say while you'll find that your celebrity but you should also take care of your kids or or deal with your spouse with the same level of devotion and and skill as you do as you're doing your baseball there you're acting or your pa
yeah no
if you'd bring these other things up it isn't that you shouldn't be good at these things you're famous for you should be working on his other aspects in your life so it's not as you get it's not that we're just good at one thing
and a whole bunch of other things your life you're not taking care of it's find that you're good at this bring the other stuff up
and the others this is in the light bring this published in the dark up to the same level
so he's he pointed out something i could work on
and he also said his is very gentle way with me i don't want to tell you to do this
and i said but you want me to write he said

so yeah i think some of us do get good at something and we get some celebrity and that's fine and then the teacher will come and say has great that you're so good at this or what about the other stuff
and and then if and then that's kind of tacky be kind of friend why can do all i can't bring everything up to this level winner
oh i see oh okay
sorry i brought it up
or there could be another response like
what would you please consider making your whole life
skillful rather than just two or three things skillful would you consider that
well that's kind of an awesome invitation
that's kind of overwhelming
to make everything you do on the level of what your best app
when you know that something you're noticing some things you do or not as good as some other things you do and they might be quite a few of those things and here quite good at like some people are quite good and typing they're not very good at handwriting
would you please make your handwriting bring it up to the same level as you're typing war who adds a lot to ask your quite attentive to the children would you be more could you be equally attentive to the adult oh or vice versa
in other words non-stop practice
oh wow and then best beauty when somebody asked you
the practice twenty four hours a day and you and you feel kind of terrified of this whole new life there's beauty there
if you can stand if it can stand how awesome it would be
do not miss a beat
there's a beauty and a beauty isn't just to get the beauty as to say
is to say on
yeah this is a crucial place to practice

and so this is about an hour
developing intimacy
with our region home
and once we've gotten a little bit of contact with it
then we need to train
having more contact in a pattern that we can sustain and most of us cannot go from coming back home and then just flat out facing that home non-stop we camped at unreasonable but we're working in that direction to actually be able to it
except our actual life
all day long it's a long training process
and we're in it
yeah we're in it and it's so wonderful that were in it isn't it
let's see ah jared

it's about training to be able well it's about training to be able to accept our actual life yes
and we need training to do it because again when we're a little kids we it's overwhelming we can't deal with it
and when we grow up we get glimmers of it and in one way it's beautiful and then another way it's like too much so we need training how to deal with this something that's beyond way beyond too much it's not just a little bit too much it's inconceivably to it's also too little
oh it's inconceivably too much or too little is just
it just the it's the toll relationship between ourselves and eleanor beings and all other beings and so that's what we're training to open up to and that's our actual life but we need training to do that we need to be able to say would you stop staring at me universe and anniversary okay
what are what can i come back just like off until people were just ask someone so if you could mentioned something to so mask ask your spouse or your parents if you could mention something had to like to talk to him but you go over to him so they can i mentioned something i'd like to talk to you about new say no or
i'm not i'm not going know
in other words they're not ready to deal with this think they gonna feel you're going to dump this huge light on them no
so could i come back and check with you again he'll come back show then you come back and check and they say okay in in then you tell them and their keno and in
and they feel terror when you're telling them but and
yeah and it
now and then they need a break
so we're in this process




midnight water

could you hear her
it's not bad it swamped
because it can be bathed in a book is it swamp means it's like it's it's in the water so the moonlight shining on the water that is in
so it's not just bathed by the moon is paid by the water that the moon's bathing him
wave lists there in the midnight water and abandoned boat
swamped and moonlight
sauntering water which is reflected moonlight yeah this is about that however
he said you aspire to receive the light and they don't think you're giving it to you aspire to let it come from you too
is it's a two-way radiation
your illuminated the universe the universe is eliminating you so it's good to be find the place that to the training
to be in the windlass wavelets place
at midnight for this negotiation to be realized
between you and the moment and the water
and and yeah so in it we have this wonderful training program to be able to be there at midnight
in that place of
of reflection
of communication of illumination
i think i mentioned last couple weeks ago
the light is invisible it can only see it reflected

but which we can see it reflected and everything reflects it

thank you for creating this