One of the ways of teaching calm abiding is with the words, meet whatever comes up with complete relaxation. Another way to teach it is to say that you can characterize the process of calming as not moving among different objects. Different objects usually arise in our awareness the different objects of different notes of piano music, the different objects of different people's faces, the different objects of your own physical sensation, of your tactile sensation, different thoughts, objects that are appearing and disappearing in your mind.

[01:30]

we're probably most of us experiencing a range of an impermanent flow of different objects appearing and disappearing to us. Right? I guess, is anybody not having that kind of experience? So the instruction for calming is in the midst of this impermanent flow or this flow of impermanent appearances and disappearances of a variety of different objects of awareness or objects of knowledge, how can we not move among them or not move back and forth between them? So we're concentrating on not going from this object to that object, in the process of calming. We're not trying to go from this object to that object.

[02:33]

We're not trying to get away from this object and go to that object or come back from that object to this object. But rather... Now, move means meet each one. It's like your awareness is not moving and objects are being given to you. They're coming to you, coming to you, coming to you, coming to you. You don't have to go someplace to have objects come to you. Now, you can get up and walk, but it is not your walking exactly that's bringing the objects to you, although you might think so. So all you've got to do then is sit still and realize that the objects keep coming to you just as rapidly and just as richly as if you're running down the street. Different, but basically... object after object. And this side of meditation is letting, you know, just accepting that the objects seem different and that the objects seem to be changing from arising to ceasing.

[03:43]

But you treat the arising of the object, you meet the arising of the object, you meet the ceasing of the object, and you meet them with the same attitude. You relax with You relax with the arising of pain. I mean, you're training yourself to relax with the arising of pain. You relax with the ceasing of the pain. You train yourself to relax with the arising of pleasure and relax with the ceasing of pleasure. But basically you just meet, meet, meet. This process calms, calms. This is one way for me to talk to you about the calming process. And there are other ways, but I thought that's enough for now. Now I'd like to move over to a wisdom teaching, which I mentioned before but I'll mention again.

[04:48]

and there's different names for it, but in some sense the central teaching of the tradition of the Buddha is that all phenomena, well, all phenomena are interdependent. There are no independent phenomena. There may be thoughts, or we might imagine something independent, And in fact, we do imagine something independent. We do imagine that things are independent, and we even imagine that we personally are independent, that our person is independent. We do imagine that. We imagine that, and that's the same as saying we are ignorant. of the true nature of phenomena and the true nature of our self, of our person. We ignore the interdependence of our personhood.

[05:56]

We ignore the interdependence of all objects. We are innately ignoring that. And then we have ideas that go with that ignorance, like the idea is that something's independent. And then we hear teachings that things are interdependent. And when we start to hear these teachings, we're hearing teachings about Buddha's wisdom. Somehow the Buddha's teaching of wisdom is, when we hear these things, we're starting to open to it. And then we need, beyond just opening to the teaching, we need some demonstration of it. and then we need to actually awaken to it. Rather than just hearing about it and kind of seeing it, we need to sort of understand it. And then we even need, I mean Buddha wants us even to enter into it and enact interdependence. Live out and express our understanding of interdependence.

[07:02]

Another way to talk about interdependence is no-self. That's one of the ways Buddha talked about it early on. Buddha taught this doctrine of no-self. But no-self means that there's no independent self, that the self is interdependent. But no-self is a shorter way of saying it. Anatman, atman is self, anatman, non-self, or there isn't a self means there isn't an independent self. There is, however, a dependently co-arisen self. But a dependently co-arisen self isn't substantial. It's just the whole universe coming together to create a person. And you can't get the person actually substantially aside from all the things that make the person. And when you understand that, you understand yourself, you understand who you are, what you are, and then you also understand

[08:09]

what other people are and what other things are. And this is then liberating, and then based on that we can live, we can live on the basis of that wisdom. Now, going back to the instruction on calming, you hear the instruction, and if you understand it, then you can try, then you can, then you understand it. You can try to practice it. And as you practice it, you might wonder, in various circumstances, how that teaching applies to some situations that you didn't hear about in the original instruction. And as you try to adapt the instruction to various circumstances of your life, your understanding of the instruction gets deeper. You start being creative with it. And similarly, the understanding of interdependence, we need to start learning how to apply it to various situations and become creative with it, so we become creative with the teaching of how we are created, how we are creative events.

[09:27]

So I mentioned to you before, a way of looking, kind of a new way to look at this process is relaxing with whatever comes, practicing calm, and based on this relaxation we can enter into play. And in playing we start to actually see interdependence demonstrated to us. And eventually then we awaken to it. And then finally we can enact the creative interdependence which we have understood. But I also mentioned that, realistically speaking, for both the practice of calming and then for the practice of insight, we need some trust.

[10:33]

We need trust in and confidence in the teaching, the teachings of tranquility, the teaching of calming, and also the teachings of wisdom. We need confidence. But this isn't confidence like, or trust like, okay, I'll trust it. It's more like we need to like, well, we somehow need to get some foothold You need to have enough confidence or enough trust at least to say that we don't trust, if we don't trust. If we do trust, we can build on that. And one of the ways, if you do trust, well actually, if you can say what you don't trust, if you can say your doubts, you do trust somewhat. You trust enough to be interested, to listen to the teaching and or express disagreement with it. That actually is an expression of some trust or some confidence in spending your life discussing and looking at some teaching.

[11:43]

Another side of the trust is trusting the teaching that the situation you're in is a situation in which you could start with. In other words, you don't trust that this is a good situation exactly. You trust that this is a good situation for practice. In other words, a bad situation or unfortunate situation is a good situation for practice, and a fortunate situation is a good situation for practice. also there too you can check and see if your experience contradicts it and then if it contradicts it you can express that you think it's a contradiction and we can discuss it and you can develop confidence then retrospectively into that situation you doubted and then in going forward you can have confidence that you will be able to find a way to work with new situations

[12:53]

In both relaxing and in playing, I mentioned last week, we kind of, well, we sort of need to, or put it positively, we do not need, in practicing relaxation, we do not need to be afraid or to hide, to be afraid of or hide or avoid mistakes. We don't need to do that in the practice of calming. And also in learning to play, we do not need to be afraid of making a mistake. We do not need to hide our mistakes and we do not need to avoid mistakes.

[14:26]

In learning to jump rope, you do not need to be afraid of making a mistake. And someone would say, well, what about getting hit in the face with a rope? Shouldn't I be afraid of that? Well, I would say, yeah, I suppose. It could hurt your eye or something. But in learning to relax, being afraid that the rope's going to hit your face will not help you relax with the rope. Being afraid might help you avoid getting hit by the rope because you might just not go anywhere near the rope. Just, you know, go to some other area where there's not a rope swinging. But if the game, if you want to jump rope, and you'd like to learn how to relax with a swinging rope, then you don't need to be afraid in order to relax.

[15:33]

And also you do not need to be afraid in order to learn to jump rope. It is possible to learn to jump rope and be afraid. Probably some of us have done that, been afraid and learned how to jump rope. But some other people learn how to jump rope without being afraid. Being afraid while jumping rope is kind of a mistake. But I just said that in order to relax, you don't need to be afraid of making a mistake. So you don't need to be afraid of making a mistake when you're jumping a rope and you don't need to be afraid of getting hit by the rope. And you don't need to be afraid of getting hit by the rope and you don't need to be afraid of making the mistake of being afraid.

[16:40]

You can make the mistake of being afraid and if you make the mistake of being afraid and then you're not afraid of making the mistake of being afraid, you start to relax. If you're not afraid to make the mistake of being afraid, that's a relaxing gesture. And that is treating the objects the same. That's treating not being afraid, being afraid, getting hit, not getting hit, jumping a rope, not jumping rope. It's treating these basically the same. You're not moving. And in this way you calm down and you get ready to actually play jumping rope, be playful while jumping rope, and learn eventually the creative process while jumping rope. But if we are afraid or we're jumping,

[17:43]

of making mistakes that will hinder our calming and playing process, but it won't necessarily stop it forever. And I also mentioned we do not need to be afraid to be full. So if some of us, I suppose, even those of us who have in the past been able to jump rope, If we now went and played with children, we might be afraid that we would make a fool of ourselves with the children now that we're old and rickety. We might be afraid that we would look foolish jumping rope. Either that we wouldn't do well, or someone might say, what's that old person doing jumping rope? They're rather foolish, aren't they? They might fall down and break their leg. Don't they know this is not age appropriate? They're very foolish. So maybe it is.

[18:51]

I don't know. But the calming side and also the part that will open to wisdom is not being afraid to be a fool. And also, if you think you're a fool or somebody else might think you're a fool, not to hide it. Not to hide appearing like a fool. If I'm hiding, appearing like a fool, that will hinder entering into the vision of interdependence. And also, if I try to avoid being a fool or if I try to avoid being a sage, Some people actually may be doing that, but more people, I think people more commonly that I've known, are trying to avoid being a fool.

[19:56]

Either being a fool by their own lights or being a fool by other people's. They're trying to avoid it, they're trying to hide it, they're afraid of it. And there's a lot of reasons for being afraid of being a fool because Sometimes fools, sometimes when someone appears to be a fool, their status drops. In an uptight, cutthroat society, your status might drop if you appear to be a fool, right? It's possible. We do often reward people for, you know, pretending to be normal. We sometimes pick them to be our leaders, people who are pretending to be normal, who are pretending to be not a fool. It's not good for their health, they're not relaxing, they're not opening to wisdom by this pretense.

[21:04]

It's not that they're It's not that they're a fool or not a fool. It's that they're trying to hide being a fool. They're trying to avoid being a fool. This is hard. This is stressful. It's stressful to go around trying to avoid being a fool. Maybe none of you knew that. So if you don't, you don't have that problem. But I'm just saying, I think It might be that as you move into more and more dynamic areas of creativity, the possibility of this fool thing might come up more. And then I also talked about falling, and somehow we need to learn to give up being afraid of falling, including give up being afraid of being afraid of falling.

[22:08]

So if you're afraid of falling, on some level, if you're afraid of falling, work with that. And being perfectly willing to be afraid of falling, then it's basically the same thing. Can I turn in the dial afraid of falling now? Go right ahead. I'll meet that with complete relaxation. Okay, here it comes. Afraid of falling. Okay. Fear of falling. It's the name of a novel, right? Or something. Or fear of flying. You can add that to the list. Okay. Fear of being a fool. Okay, now, this is for relaxation, this is for calming, but then it also will apply as we move into the play area.

[23:15]

And again, you can play with all the teachings, play with the teachings of calming, and you can also play with the teachings of wisdom. Relax with the teachings of calming, relax with the teachings of wisdom. And again, one step back, if you sense some fear to even practice giving up fear, then try to articulate and express what holds you back from daring to relax with fear. Try to express what holds you back from relaxing in such and such a situation. developing experience with your resistance and your lack of confidence in relaxation will develop confidence, can develop confidence in relaxation, can develop trust that whatever situation you're in, relaxing with it, no matter how bad it is, calming down with it will be beneficial.

[24:31]

Or maybe I should say it might be beneficial. So keep that in mind. Keep bringing that up. If that comes up for you, it's like, no, no. Can't stand this. It's too much. Now moving into the play area. First of all, you personally can play with another person. I mean, you can... They may not be ready to play with you, but you can be playful with them. You can be playful with the teaching. You can be playful with your relationships. You can be playful with your own sensations and thoughts. And what do I mean by how do we play? What's it like to play? Just as I would suggest to you that play occurs, can occur when we're relaxed and at ease. Play being a playful type of play.

[25:37]

So some, again, as mentioned the other day, some people play poker, but they're not playful about it. They're very serious. Right? They shoot each other sometimes. They get very serious about the poker. Very serious and not playful. Some other people play poker and are playful. For all I know, some of the best poker players may be playful. I don't know. But I know some poker players are not playful. They're dead serious. They're not relaxed, and it's not a wisdom game. But you can play. You can be playful with cards. You can be playful with a chess set. You can be playful with a tennis ball. You can be playful with your pain. You can be playful with your pain. If you can relax with your pain, you can be playful with your pain. If you can relax with your pain and be playful with your pain, you can enter into the creativity of your pain and become free of your pain.

[26:44]

If you can relax with your pleasure, you can play with your pleasure. If you can play with your pleasure, you can enter into creativity of your pleasure and become free of your pleasure. You can be free, become free of pleasure and pain, not just pain, not just pleasure. You can even become free of neither pleasure nor pain, of neutral, of neutral experiences. You can become free. Okay, now another part of the play is that where you play, the kind of play I mean, is not just playing in your own head, although you can play there, too. But if you play in your own head, you don't just play in your own head with your own inner... your own inner...

[27:55]

version of reality, although we do have an inner version of reality, all of us, pretty much, as far as I know. But to make it simpler, for starters maybe, you have your inner sense of reality, and then there is what you might call an external reality. So right now, each of us have some fantasies about what's going on, but also each of us has some sense of some things which we think aren't just fantasies. Like some, each of us may be thinking, I'm doing okay, or we might all be thinking that right now, for all I know. But we don't know what each of us is thinking inside, do we? And I'm saying that to you, and the fact that we maybe could agree on that is not just an inner reality.

[29:02]

Now, inwardly, I think that. Inwardly, I think that each of us has an inner sense, but we don't know everybody else's inner sense unless they start talking to us. We do have an inner sense, inner reality, and inner fantasy. But this, like this little cushion here, it's possible for us to agree that this is a cushion. Do you all agree? Anybody not? Anybody have a problem calling this a cushion? Pardon? Very small. Okay, let's call it a small cushion then, so that Roy can get on board here. This is a small cushion. Okay? Yeah, it's a cushion between my two fingers. It also could be called a bell cushion. And it also could be called a brocade cushion.

[30:04]

Okay, are you all right calling it a brocade bell cushion? This is an example of an external reality which we share. This is not just in my head. Now, if I held something up here and I said, here's a cushion, and you people don't agree, then it's just my idea. It's my inner sense that there's a cushion there. And we can do that, just like we can think, you know, there's a really nice person here. And you people say, where? And I say, well, here. And you people say, well, I don't see it. So I have this idea maybe that I'm a nice person, I have that idea, and you don't agree. So I just continue that to be my idea. Now if I try to force you to say that this is true, then you start worrying about me. And if I say that there's a cushion in my hand and you can't understand what I'm saying, you can't agree, then we have a problem.

[31:07]

But actually, this is not such a difficult situation. We seem to be able to agree that there's a cushion in my hand. It's a brocade bell cushion. It's a little cushion. Play is not particularly playful. The fact that I have a fantasy about how I'm doing right now, maybe I think, well, I'm doing okay. This is not so bad. These people don't seem to be pretty. No one seems to be really snarling at me or anything. That's my sense of what's going on, sort of more or less. A lot of people are smiling. Maybe it's safe here for a while. Maybe it's going okay. That's my inner sense. That's not particularly playful, necessarily. That's just my idea. And if you all start frowning, I might say, oh, everybody's frowning. That's my inner sense. But my inner sense just happens to be that this is a cushion, and I have other ideas about it which you don't know about yet.

[32:11]

That's not particularly playful. That's just my fantasies. The cushion that we agree on it, that's not particularly playful. It's actually a kind of a reality. It's a shared reality, and it's external to each of us, right? The play area is between my fantasies, my idea, and between your idea and my idea and what we share. That's where the creativity happens. Of course, there's also creativity in the arising of my fantasies, and there's creativity in the establishment of the shared reality. There's creativity there, too. There's creativity everywhere. But the place we play is in between. Now, before I started talking about this cushion, it wasn't an external reality for all of us.

[33:16]

Not until Roy said, it's a little one. I don't know, maybe some of you have seen this at a distance. Until I told you it was a cushion, maybe you didn't know if it was a cushion or what. But as I talked to you, this became a shared reality. The play is not the shared reality. It's not my inner sense or your inner sense or all of our inner senses. It's the way that they're all working together and they all work together in between these two. That's where we play. And that's placed in between. If we are afraid of making mistakes or afraid of falling or afraid of being a fool, we don't dare to enter the creative space. And we stay stuck on one side or the other of the playground. We stay in the external shared reality, we stay in our internal fantasy realm, or we jump back and forth.

[34:21]

The relaxation, the calm, if we develop calm and relaxation and trust in the teaching of where we work, we can enter this space between And that space is open, it's permissive, and yet there's also a possibility in that space of running into resistance and obstruction. And that's why we need to eventually learn to play with others who are playing. Dorit asked about, why do you need another person? It's because we need to encounter resistance And not just the resistance of external reality, it's a kind of resistance, but the resistance of another player. Another player being something that's moving into the space between. Even an inanimate object can move into the creative space from its original position as an external shared reality.

[35:34]

a person, if we agree, you know, that's Roy, and we settle, should we agree that that's Roy? Kim, is that okay? That's Roy and this is Roger. Okay? So we agree on that. But the play space is where Roy or Roger start to become something which has not been established either as my fantasy about them or a determined shared reality. So that could be with a person. You got Roy and then you got something else which has not been established as Roy. Now I might have an idea of Roy still which is not your idea of Roy and we still have the shared reality of Roy, but then something else happens which isn't a shared reality of Roy and isn't my idea.

[36:42]

Something happens. Something happens that's not either one of those. Or like you could have something inanimate, like a piece of marble. And we agree this is a piece of marble. Then somebody hits the marble and a chip breaks off and the marble changes shape. Now what do we have? We could switch back to its marble, but we already got that. Now we have something new. We have the marble still, but now we have something that just changed into something. Now is it starting to become a work of art? Has it moved into becoming a work of art? I might think that, but you might not agree yet. I might say even, I might have fantasy, it's starting to be a sculpture. My God, one stroke, it went from being a... It's amazing. I mean, there was a piece of marble there, and I hit it once, and it became a sculpture.

[37:46]

One dent in it made it a sculpture. It's done. I mean, I thought it was going to take three or a million, but once... And I'm an experienced sculptor, so I mean, I've done some finished pieces and I just one hit and it's done. And you people say, we didn't get a shared reality on this yet, but we might be playing. If you agree with me, yeah, it's amazing. I've never seen that before. One hit on a piece of marble and it's like a work of art. It's amazing. You might agree. And then you might agree, and then somebody else might walk in and say, no, this is not art. You have to hit at least six times to make it art. I'm not going to go along with this. So we have shared reality that's a piece of marble, but we don't have shared reality that's sculpture. And we all have our fantasies, you know, wailing away. Where's the creativity coming from?

[38:49]

It's not in the thing being, although a piece of marble is a creative product and it came from creation and through creativity, and a sculpture comes the same way, the creativity is not the finished product. It's not like the piece of marble or the established shared reality of a work of art. It's not what it is. It's the creativity between the finished product and the person. And it's that creativity that helps us understand what a piece of marble is, and what a person is, and who I am. But again, there are shared realities that there aren't, and if there aren't, then that might be a shared reality. So there are. There are external realities and internal realities.

[39:52]

How can we enter the space between and also find some playmates? So I think I've already told you something about how we enter the space between. So how do we enter the space between? I just told you something about the field so you know where the edges of the field are. The edges of the field are my fantasies, your fantasies, my inner sense, your inner sense, and shared reality. We have lots of shared realities. We have lots of inner fantasies. How do we enter the play area? How do we enter the creativity? And how do we enter into expressing ourselves?

[40:53]

In a playful way. Yeah, with relaxation. So there will be expressing yourself, but expressing yourself before you relax won't be play. Expressing yourself before relaxation will be more just expressing your fantasies. Like, for example, this game is fun. This is fun. So that's either I just express my fantasy or you agree with me. And if you do, then it's not just my fantasy. It's been something that your fantasies and my fantasies have come together and we have shared reality. Playfulness is the relaxation in that conversation. I mean, the playfulness opens if we relax in the middle of the conversation. And when you relax, you understand, you will see that you are always expressing yourself. And of course, the other side is that if we're not relaxed, we might miss seeing that we are expressing ourselves.

[42:05]

Which takes us back to what Bob said, is that if you're not relaxing, it often is because you don't know what you're doing, you're not recognizing what you're doing. You're doing stuff and not noticing it, so you're tense. When you start to notice what you're doing, you're starting to relax. Especially if you notice what you're doing and just treat it the same way as what you were doing before and so on, and what other people are doing. In other words, you meet what you're doing and what they're doing pretty much the same. So if you say this is a work of art and somebody else says it isn't, you meet both of those things the same way. You think, God, I was just astounded. I thought it was a work of art. And you do not. That's just, you know, yeah, wow. It's like wow, wow rather than wow, huh? Michael.

[43:14]

I have a question about reincarnation. Yeah? I asked about reincarnation just because... You're trying to be playful? This is not on my agenda tonight, Michael. Relaxation. Pardon? It has a lot to do with... Oh, great. Relaxation. All right. Because when I... centralized my life and i allow myself the playfulness that i'm trying to do the best that i can now but i might not really succeed i always have the opportunity to come back again and give it another good shot yes that playfulness sometimes gives me a big room to allow me to make mistakes like i go out and buy a house and Or maybe it's not the corporate house or something like that. It's OK. Let's start around McDonald's by the corporate house. But that wasn't really a lot of anxiety if I don't give myself that faithfulness.

[44:20]

And sometimes I think that maybe I I should be taking it more seriously. So there's a, there's kind of a way that I seem to have to be serious that even though I may be reincarnated, it doesn't mean I can put people off this life. Just move on. But I'm still striving to do that. Well, you've got kind of a mixture there. Yeah, that's right. That's right. That's there. Being playful and relaxing, not being afraid of your of making mistakes does not mean that mistakes are okay. That's something I'd like to say. It's not that the mistakes are okay. But that they will happen. They will happen, definitely. So there's no problem about the mistakes. We have plenty of mistakes. The thing now, we need to learn from them.

[45:21]

We need to reap the benefits of the mistakes. But you don't reap the benefit of the mistake by saying it's okay. That's a distraction. You don't reap the benefit by trying to mollify it or reduce it. I'm not saying that it would be okay to but it would be okay to allow perhaps... Can you use the analogy of that? That's a good one. Yeah, buy a house. Yeah, you buy a house, and then you feel like you made a mistake, perhaps. Perhaps. Yeah, let's say you do, for the sake of this conversation. Let's say you feel like, I think I made a mistake right here. And... But instead of... Instead of saying you made a mistake before you made the purchase?

[46:24]

Yeah. Well, let's see now, you say that is not not doing anything. Not buying a house is not not doing anything. So if you're saying that if you say that something's going to be a mistake beforehand, you won't do anything. I don't agree. But if you think, if you say something is a mistake and you're afraid of making a mistake, that's different. Okay, look, you can switch, but you were on, before you were, before you switched, that's right, you don't know. So when you said, when you said, I'm pretty sure it will be a mistake, Okay? That's fine to say that, but also you don't know it's going to be a mistake. But if you think it's going to be, then I would generally say, well, unless everybody's asking you to do it or something, I mean, like everybody, I would say don't do something if you think it's going to be a mistake.

[47:29]

Now, you don't know it's going to be a mistake, but if you think it's going to be a mistake, I would say don't do it. I would say do the things which you think probably won't be a mistake. Do those. Well, you came to this... Wait a second now. Wait a second. You should try that and prove it. I don't think it's true what you just said. You came to this class. Didn't you? Well, that's probably because you thought, well, I don't think it's a mistake to go to that class. Well, that's even... Yeah. That's even better. You know, excuse me, but you just refuted yourself because you said in some ways you think it's a mistake and you still came. In other words... Well, that's fine.

[48:31]

Oh, you didn't refute it. No, you said, sometimes you think things are a mistake and you go ahead and do them. Okay? And you can continue. I'm not trying to stop you. I'm just recommending you don't. I'm recommending that you don't do the things that you think are a mistake. So if you think it's a mistake to come to the class, I would recommend you try the exercise of not coming if you think it's a mistake. And then you're saying that that will... with them. So in some ways, it's a little bit difficult if they consider things like that. Right. Right. In some ways, I think, I should just be home and take care of my boys. Well, maybe that's true. It could be. That could be the best way to do this class, is stay home and take care of your boys. It's possible. That's, I guess, the complexity for me of stuff. Without the freedom of thinking I can make a mistake, I don't somehow feel willing to go forward and make decisions and go forward and do things.

[49:49]

Okay, so I'm saying, I say, give yourself the freedom to make mistakes. I think that's what I'm highly recommending, is to give yourself permission to make mistakes. You need to be able to make mistakes, otherwise you won't be able to learn about the truth. But that doesn't mean you should intentionally make mistakes. That won't teach you. That wouldn't be a mistake. You would be saying, okay, I think it's a mistake, and then you do what you think is a mistake, unless you found out that you're wrong. Because otherwise, you wouldn't be mistaken. If you thought something was a mistake, and you did it, it was a mistake, you wouldn't be mistaken. You would be accurate. That would be correct. I hate it when that does happen to me. Yeah, well, that's possible. So occasionally, but I'm recommending you do something you think would not be a mistake, and then you will sometimes find out that it is. So basically, I'm recommending try to be skillful, try to be correct, but if you don't allow yourself to make mistakes, you're never going to learn.

[50:57]

So please give yourself the freedom to make mistakes, but don't try to make mistakes. That's just going to make it very confusing because it's a contradiction from the start. Okay. So the fact that you might make a mistake, that's part of the playfulness, that no matter how sure you are, like I remember that, what is it? That movie, Guys and Dolls, Marlon Brando was going to, he was always getting people to bet how long it would take for the dew drops on the windows in the stores to get which one, which drop would get to the bottom of the window first. He would bet people about that. And I think somebody says, what do you bet about that? He said, my daddy taught me that if somebody says to you, you know, I'm going to make a jack-in-the-box pop out of my eyeballs And if you bet him, the jack-in-the-box will pop out of his eyeball. But if you bet on something like, which dewdrop will go down first, that's a bet.

[52:06]

Take those bets. But don't take the sure things. So you're not relaxed about the mistake thing if you're actually betting on sure things. You should be open to that you could be wrong, but still do the things which you don't. But you think, you know, don't walk into the rope thinking that it's going to hit you in the face. If you think it's going to hit you in the face, you know, wait a while until you get with the rhythm of it and think, okay, now I think I can get in there without tripping and without hitting your face. So you try it and you trip or hit your face. But you thought this would be a good time, not a bad time. Don't go and you think it's a bad time. But, of course, sometimes you get nervous and tense and you go at a bad time. You think it's a bad time even. That's another kind of unskillfulness. So try to buy the house that you think would be a good house to buy, but be playful because then even if you do make a mistake and buy the wrong house, things can work out really well for you and your family. Because there you are, you and your family in the house, and they've got a happy, creative dad who understands who he is and what a house is.

[53:16]

So if you buy a house and don't make a mistake and don't allow yourself to make a mistake, you don't know where you are. You don't know what your house is. You don't know who you are. You're tense and dangerous. But if you're relaxed with the house, even if it's the wrong house, you say, hey, kids, guess what your dad did? He bought it back. He made a mistake. I bought this house at the mistake. And they say, nice going, Dad. You know? Then you say, you know, I'm sorry. You know, I just, you know, I'm a fool. They say, you sure are. But, you know, you're not afraid to be a fool and you're not hiding from them. So then they're not afraid to be a fool and they don't have to hide. So you can be a loving father now. Who made a mistake and whose kids think he's a fool? They also think that you're relaxed and wise because most children at some point think their parents are fools. But not very many children think, not only do I think my father is a fool, but he's not afraid of admitting that he's a fool.

[54:25]

He's like with it. He knows he's a fool. He's like, cool. So actually all those fathers, all my other friends' fathers are totally fools too. But my father is not trying to hide that or get away from it or be not a fool. He just like is, you know, admitting that he's a fool. He just doesn't know what's going on. I like my dad. He doesn't know what he's doing. And none of the other fathers do either, but my dad's the only one on the block that admits it. He's not afraid to say, you know, kid, I really don't know what to do. I am your dad, and you may think I'm supposed to know, but actually I don't. But I tell you one thing, I'm your dad. I think that's true. And I love you. But I don't know what to do. This is very helpful. Now you can play with your kids. Now you can realize the truth with your kids. And since I'm a fool, I could make mistakes.

[55:27]

Okay? So now, I think we should go to this drive-in. Say, oh no, Dad, this is a bad one. Really? No. Maybe we shouldn't go there then. Right, Dad. You're getting the picture. Okay? Let's go to this one. And you may say, well, that might be a mistake, too. And they say, well, that's true. The kid's probably going to say, oh, no, it's okay, Dad. You say, are you sure? And he says, well, let's try it. Okay. And you get there and you say, you know, I think there's a mistake to come here, too. And then they're not, then they can, like, say, yeah, yeah, I think you're right. We made a mistake, Dad. Sorry. So then we can all admit, you know, our delusions. And if we can admit our delusions. Huh? Huh? Exactly. Exactly. Right. That's a situation, right? Sometimes we make good choices and sometimes we make bad choices. That's the facts. Now can we relax with that and play with these facts? If nobody makes a mistake and we relax, that's fine too.

[56:32]

But if there's mistakes and we relax, that's fine too. The important point is not whether there's mistakes or not, but whether we relax with them and learn from them. The problem is if we're prohibiting mistakes and prohibiting foolishness, then we're not relaxed. And if we're not relaxed, we're not going to learn. And the most important thing is to learn what's going on. That's what this class is about. This class is not about buying a good house. This class is not about not making mistakes. This class is about wisdom. And in order to open your eyes to wisdom, you have to not be afraid to be a fool. It's also okay to be a professional fool or a trickster and intentionally, like, you know, as a joke, hide being a fool and then show people that you are a fool. You can play with that a little bit. Basically, it's not because you're really trying to hide being a fool. You are. That is your job. Yes?

[57:36]

Yeah? You want to end? Yes? Yeah? Yeah? How does it fit in? It's a scare tactic. Did you have your hand raised, Yvonne? Yeah, I get confused with playfulness. You get confused with playfulness? That's good. It's not like what you're saying. You kind of let go of your context. i'm relaxed with it and i that i understand but okay well then you got that you understand that's correct you got that part how does it become playful okay well i just you know you've heard this example before but here's here it is i'm having dinner with my wife and another couple you know the story The husband is a... works... is a professor at UC Irvine.

[58:37]

You know that story? Huh? And... never mind. Okay. And so my wife says to him, what's Irvine like? And what does he say, Yvonne? It's familiar... it's familiar, but you don't remember it. And he says, it's beautiful. And his wife says to him, no, it's not. It's ugly. And then he says, it's ugly. And then my wife says to me, you should learn that. See, people got concepts. He's got a concept. She's got a concept. And she does this thing, and he's playful. He says, okay, it's ugly. And then my wife got a concept. And then so then she says, you know, tells me I should learn to play like that.

[59:40]

And I listen to her and eventually I and I do that. So now we she says she says something like, let's go such and such a place. And I said, I don't want to go. And she says, yes, you do. And I say, yes, I do. Now, it isn't that I lost the idea that I didn't want to go. Some people get really scared. You tell a story and say, oh, my God, my wife will just take over. You know, if I do that. And actually, yes, she will. But the important point is it doesn't matter if she took over because you're entering into creativity. You know, you're a love slave. No problem. You're free. You're free. Going to all these places that you don't want to go to is not a problem. And as you're going, you can say, I hate going in here. I don't want to go here. Yes, you do. Oh, yes, I do. The playfulness is the thing.

[60:43]

You've got to keep giving up your idea, [...] giving up your idea. They pop right back, most of them, but not all of them. Some of them just completely do a flip and never appear again. Oh, this has got some custom responses. I don't know who was first. Maybe John. John and then Jenny and then Elena and then Ellen. Is it Ellen? Fran. And Dorit. Okay, go. Oh, sure. Playfulness. Playfulness is... is the way to enter into... In creativity, we do not... It's not set what's going to happen. It's creative. It's like life. It's playful. We don't know what it will look like. And that's part of what people need to, first of all, relax.

[61:46]

Because if you just jump into creativity all of a sudden, you know, if you're already tense, you're just going to tense up more. And you're just going to say, okay, I'm never going near creativity again. This is totally scary. So you've got to relax. And then when you relax, you just generally enter. People offer you opportunities, like telling you, cut your hair. Wear a bikini. Leave me alone. They may not be playful. They may not be playful. But you can be playful. And if you're playful, then your job is then to teach them how to be playful. But they may not be. But just because they're not playing doesn't mean you shouldn't. We don't know what it will look like. And that's, again, why we get scared. We get scared if we think about it. So relaxation helps us not move from here to there. Now, if we think of there, fine, but we didn't move from here to there.

[62:51]

If you move from here to there, you start getting tense again. If you move from here to the consequence, you start getting tense. But if this comes up and you think of the consequence, but you don't move, then you're relaxed with this and the consequence. And if you relax, then you can relax, play for the consequence, or play before the consequence. See who is next? Jenny? Yes. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. I used to feel that way, too. I thought, if I give in on this, it's like... there's going to be total overwhelm, you know? Like, be nice, and then just be nice sometime, and then what's going to be next?

[63:52]

You know? So rather than give in, I think rather than give in, is be playful. Rather than give in, flip around, pivot, turn, you know, turn around. It's not that you give in, you just flip. So she says, blah, blah, and you kind of like lay in the ground and go, you know? You don't get into this habitual thing of like just... You do something playful. But basically you just relax with it. You just kind of go... Maybe... Just relax. You don't resist first. First you relax. First you're like, okay, my idea. Bye-bye. My idea. Bye-bye. It's not... This isn't... giving in, this is giving away. Here, here's my idea. Here, take it. And then she just drops it. I mean, I'm like, really give it away. Not, I'll give this to you and you hold it, right?

[64:55]

So we don't forget this one. No, here, you take it. Now you've given it away. You didn't give in, you gave away. You gave, you practiced generosity. Okay, now, now what? I don't know. I have a problem. Okay, give that away. Anyway, you're coming, huh? Yeah. Yeah. And then she says, yes, you do. And then you say, yes, I do. You're able to do all kinds of new tricks. And still you don't want to. The don't want to still keeps popping up. But you can do all, the don't want to is not like keeping you in prison. You're able to move with the person. And then they start noticing, wow. And then they can start being playful too. Now at first they might think, this is really good. This is like I'm finally getting control of her. But that's just temporary. Soon they'll realize that you're like really kind of a, you can't really control a cloud of joy.

[66:00]

At first they think they got you, but they can't get a hold of you anymore. And you're willing to not get in touch You're willing to not be in charge either. So finally, and you can ask them from this joyful spinning world that you're in, you can ask questions, you know, how do they feel about it? How am I doing? Do you like the way I'm responding? Not so much, do you like me giving in? Do you like being this way with me? Or do you want me to be this way? It's more about, I mean, sometimes people do want to go to a restaurant with you, but really what they want to do is be in love with you. The restaurant is just kind of like an opportunity. So do you want to be in love or do you want to go to the restaurant? They might say, I want to go to the restaurant. You know? And you say, fine. And then they say, this is great. You know? And maybe you never get to the restaurant. I don't know. But the point is, whether you get to the restaurant or go to a different restaurant or never leave the house, still, the point is you're already, you're playing.

[67:11]

And this is not just fun. It's not just fun. It starts to open the door to reality, to wisdom. And then, well, you know, then you're really encouraged to continue the creative process. Because you can see that a lot of the stuff you were like, where a lot of your opinions were coming from was this weird, deluded place anyway. Elena? I was just going to say that I taught a foreign language for a while. Yeah, there's no way to learn foreign language without making mistakes. Right. I remember that I felt so frustrated that whenever the students were actually getting to the point where they could be creative and start talking, they clapped up. They were terrified. Right.

[68:19]

Right. I... I kind of... I know of a culture, and I don't want to say the name of the culture because it might be considered in some ways disparaging, but I know a culture where the people, a lot of the people know how to speak English and read English and understand English spoken. A lot of them understand spoken English and can read English really well and can write English and can speak English. Huh? No, it's not in the U.S. It's a different culture. It's a culture outside of the United States. But they're reading and they're writing are better than their speaking. And the reason why they're better than their speaking is because they almost never will speak to a native speaking English, a native speaker of English, because they're afraid to make a mistake.

[69:24]

Not until they get really, really excellent will they speak. And they actually know the words, a lot of them. They can actually write English quite well and read it quite well. They have vocabulary. And they will not speak because it's something in their culture. And I just say, you know, some cultures having saving face is really important. And there are some great cultures like that. But the funny thing about them is that that saving face thing and not being able to make a mistake, you do not learn. So they actually don't learn how to speak English because they won't try it. Now, sometimes if they try it, they have special situations where they can try it and it's understood that they won't lose face under certain circumstances. Then they can learn it there, and when they learn it there, then they'll try it with an American. But again, you have, in learning anything, you have to be able to dare to make a mistake.

[70:33]

You gotta be relaxed enough to make a mistake, otherwise you don't try anything. Judo, language, dance, singing, it's all yoga and Buddhism. You have to express yourself, but you need to be relaxed. Just expressing yourself in your attention, that's good, but if you're relaxed, you're not only going to express yourself. but you're going to learn. And sometimes you're going to not make a mistake and learn too, and sometimes you are going to make a mistake and learn too. The relaxation means you learn from mistakes and not mistakes. Both ways. Let's see, who was it over there? Fran and Dorit. Fran and Dorit. I was wondering what's parallel with the faithfulness that we apply to traditional practice. What's the playfulness?

[71:33]

The traditional one, let's see. Well, in the traditional one there's the development of samadhi, the relaxation, and then there is the learning of the learning of some material. That's not the playfulness, but that's... You can't make a mistake unless some standards are set. So you learn some standards, like precepts or something, or some teaching on wisdom, you learn it. And then you can make some mistakes there. And if you want to make some mistakes there, express yourself, you can learn at that level, sort of at the literal level, you can learn. But you need some relaxation and some permission to make mistakes. Otherwise, the teacher tells you some teaching and you don't ask any questions. Again, some people will not ask questions because the question might imply that they don't, that they have a, you know, that, well, not just they don't understand, but they are, that they have a misconception of the teaching, that they mistakenly understood it.

[72:50]

Okay, so if they ask a question, it might show that. Questioning will be parallel to playfulness if they're relaxed when they ask. But some people are relaxed, quite relaxed, when they're just meditating on, when they're just doing the calming practices. But then in some situations, even in traditional situations, traditional practice places, when they start asking questions, they tense up again. So again, it's easier sometimes to calm down when you're not talking and expressing yourself, like just in a quiet sitting at the beginning. It's a little easier maybe. But in a traditional situation when a student can ask questions and express themselves and get feedback on their understanding and make mistakes and get corrected and make mistakes and get corrected and make mistakes and get corrected, then they develop first level of wisdom. And there's some playfulness there.

[73:52]

And the next level is they start being in their own mind, reflecting on and being creative and not too literal with the teaching. And there, too, they can check themselves and even catch themselves at making mistakes and learn from their mistakes and be creative and try new things. And then playfulness comes in there. And the final playfulness is also interactive, but interactive beyond the original teaching. And then Dorit. Yes. That, that, that. Well, um

[74:55]

Before we get into the step of firing or saying yup, prior to that, okay, to be in a situation where you're making mistakes and where somebody, or excuse me, when someone is saying you're making mistakes or you are making mistakes? Probably we're saying yes. Yeah, well, if somebody's just going around saying that you're making mistakes, then you didn't make a mistake. For somebody to come up... Right. Well, that's not you. That's not you making a mistake. That's that person talking. That's somebody else talking to me about... Somebody comes up to me and says, he's a fool. Okay? That's not me making a mistake. If you tell me I'm a fool, I haven't made a mistake yet. Unless you said school, and I misunderstood you. But... If you tell me I'm a fool, then you're just making sounds and I'm hearing you. That's not a mistake, really.

[76:19]

Not much mistake in that. But I would say that to be in an environment where I am doing things and where I might make mistakes and I feel like there's people around me that are going to attack me when I make a mistake, if I make a mistake, If and when I make a mistake, that would be a hard situation to start with. That's a hard one to start with. I find that people hesitate to express themselves if they know they're going to get jumped on right away. So that's not a beginner's level type of exercise place. Right. In your case, it's really a situation where I would say it's very hard to relax and be playful with people around who are talking like that, who are doing that.

[77:28]

But although it's hard, this is way up high. That's a very advanced practice situation you're talking about. Because it's very difficult to be playful when people are criticizing you. Yes, that is, this is the whole point, is to be able to be playful and to be relaxed and playful when everybody's, when everybody's like, everybody's ignorant and attacking you. That's the point. That's the way to save these people. Exactly. But I'm just saying, if you're trying to learn to relax, You might not start in such an advanced level. There are more challenging situations than others, you know. In dance, in language, in yoga, there are certain things which are rather advanced. Of course you eventually want to do them, but you also should know that's expecting a lot.

[78:28]

It's hard enough to really relax and be playful with somebody else who is relaxed and playful and wise. and totally loves you and supporting you, learning to relax, who really wants you to relax and feel safe so you can play. It's hard enough then, because even then you think all kinds of things that might happen. But if you can practice relaxation with people just walking up to you and telling you you're making mistakes and then telling other people, if you can relax in a situation like that, I would say, fabulous. No, it's not. First you relax, then you play. So it isn't that you just relax. It isn't that you just say, okay. You speak. Again, like Yvonne said last week, one of the stories that converted me to Zen was, A certain Zen monk was falsely accused.

[79:32]

He wasn't called a fool, he was called a pervert, practically. He was called an irresponsible, lecherous, disgusting, disgraceful monk. He was accused of having sex with a girl, Of course, he wasn't married to her. He was an unmarried monk who was accused of having sex with a girl in his village and getting her pregnant. And he was strongly criticized for it. He was called a fool unjustifiably. He was called a rat unjustifiably. And his response was, is that so? And then the wheel turned. She confessed that it was a lie. Then people came back to her and highly praised him. And he said, is that so? So either way, he relaxed. And either way, he had something to say. And the fact that he said the same thing both times, I thought was very interesting. I thought that was really interesting. In neither case did he defend himself. In both cases, he just sort of listened and took it in.

[80:37]

And it's almost like he considered it. Is that so? I'm that way, huh? I'm a terrible disgrace. Okay, mm-hmm. I mean, is that so? Is it so that I'm being attacked like this? This seems to be my life now. And also, could this be true? And the other way is, now my life is this way, and could this be true? It's more like, hey, let's consider this. Let's... Pretty playful. That's playful. I'd say that's playful, and that really converted me to want to be like that. Playful. Playful. Sometimes you're playful, and you go... Sometimes you're playful and go, oh, you hurt my feelings. Sometimes you're playful and say, sometimes you're playful and you, you're fired. Just kidding. There's lots of, we don't know. That's what John's question is. We don't know what you're going to do, but you're not just going to relax. It's just you're going to relax. You're going to be calm and relaxed and flexible and alert, okay? You're ready.

[81:37]

And now somebody comes and spits on you or somebody comes and gently strokes you and your response comes back and it's a playful response. They may not get it right away, but you just keep doing that and pretty soon they learn how to relax and they learn how to play and then together you realize wisdom. But this person that you're describing sounds like quite a challenge. Somebody's going around saying, but, you know, not impossible. Somebody comes up to you and say, Reb, you're a fool. You say, I'm a fool. [...] You say, see, he really is. I really am. I really am. Who knows, you know. But I mean, with really, not, you know, with good feeling, you know, fun. Relaxed. Playful. And then you can say, do you want to play now too? You say, oh, I'm scared.

[82:39]

You'll be scaring me. Oh, that's good. This is a scary game we're playing. Not tense up. I'm being criticized. I'm being called a fool. What's going to happen to me next? No, relax. Hey, I'm getting trashed. I'm here in this world getting trashed. People are attacking me. If people are attacking you, that's bad enough. You don't have to tense up, too. It's not, you know, what is it? I think of... Some star rushing back football player said, it's not whether you get tackled in the ball, it's how you recover. So we do get bumped and pushed and also stroked and praised.

[83:45]

So it's not so much whether you get stoked and praised or bumped and pushed, but rather, how do you respond? You respond, and it's not just that your response is the point. The response sets up the situation of realizing wisdom and compassion. That's the point. So first of all, we've got to, like I was talking to Fred the other day, you've got to be constantly working on being warm. You've got to be warming yourself up all day long. constantly practicing some kind of relaxation, you can't wait until somebody slaps you and then start to practice relaxation. You've got to be relaxed and ready. And then when they slap you, you think, okay, this is what I've been waiting for all day. Thanks. I was wondering when the challenge was going to come, and now you've done it. You have challenged me. Fantastic. Thank you. And this person is going to be like, huh? What are we doing here? I thought I just insulted you. Did you not hear me?

[84:48]

What did you say? Maybe I missed it. But they're encountering a playmate. And sometimes, you know, sometimes they get it. So you heard that other story about the girl who was teasing me? You heard that one? You heard that one, Yvonne? No? So when I was... I was just seven and... I was just about eight years old. Just about the time of my eighth birthday. And I was playing tag with some boys. And there were some girls watching us. How many people heard this story before? Okay, you guys can go home now. Did I tell... I told it at Sacramento last time? So anyways... Okay, so I've told it many times, but see, it keeps being apropos to various points.

[85:53]

Oh, there's another important point. Remind me next week to tell you the story of Milton Erickson in regard to what we're talking about, okay? Remind me to do that next week, all right? I won't tell it tonight because we're overdue. But I want to tell this one because this has to do with being... This girl was sticking her tongue out at me. Every time I ran by, you know... She'd go, which I understood as an insult, as an indignity to me. I thought that's what that meant, you know. So she did that several times, and finally I just went over to her to hit her. I didn't relax with what she was doing. I took it as an insult and I let it go a few times, but finally I was going to punch her. But she got up and ran. And I chased her and I caught her in a field that would eventually grow corn.

[87:02]

And I pushed her down and I sat on her chest or on her stomach. I think I raised my fist and I was going to punch her. And I looked at her face and I don't, I don't know what she did with her face, but I kissed her. I don't know if she went, I don't know if she went, or if she went, or if she went, don't you know what's going on? But somehow it just switched, and I kissed her, and that was just what she had in mind. But, you know, it turns sometimes. If one person's playing, it can convert the other person. So if somebody's attacking you, it's possible to, like... If you're ready, you know, it can change, it can turn. And something very creative can happen.

[88:05]

And so something in Say was very creative. However, it did become rather rudinized after that. LAUGHTER Very tight, huh? You were eight years old. I was not quite eight. I managed to skip the latency. And she, same age? She was the same age, yeah. So then every day for the rest of the summer, we'd spend the afternoon kissing. And I remember it got to be very tiring. But we couldn't stop. So there was a creative moment, but then it got kind of, you know, we got kind of less creative after a while. So, so I, remind me about the Milton Erickson story. It's really, it's another good example of how this creative process can work.

[89:06]

It's rather, you know, and how, and how healing it is when we enter this space between these things. Okay? Thank you.

[89:18]

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