With your support, perhaps, there can be more discussion of the statement. From the first time you meet a Master without engaging in incense offering, bowing, chanting Buddha's name, confession and repentance, or reading scriptures, just wholeheartedly sit and thus drop away body and mind. And our bodhisattva initiation ceremony, and we're planning to have a bodhisattva initiation

[01:09]

ceremony at the end of this retreat, at the end of this sasheen. And in that ceremony, at the beginning there's offerings made and prostrations, there's incense offering and bowing, and then the first particular part of the ceremony is invocation, an invitation to all the Buddhas and bodhisattvas to come, and come and join the ceremony, join the practice. After they hopefully come and get settled, the next step is the practice of renunciation.

[02:24]

Again, there's this echo from what you just chanted, I vow with all beings from this life on throughout countless lives to hear the true Dharma, that upon hearing it I will renounce worldly affairs. It may be that the renouncing of worldly affairs can occur or depends on hearing the true Dharma, and hearing the true Dharma depends on inviting the Buddhas and bodhisattvas to come. Or if you didn't invite them and they happen to already be here, with the assistance of all beings, including all Buddhas and bodhisattvas, we may be able to hear the true Dharma.

[03:36]

When we hear the true Dharma, we are able to renounce worldly affairs. When the first time you meet a Master, in other words, from the first time you go to meet somebody and you invite that person, you invite that person, or you invite not necessarily that person, you go meet a person and you invite the Buddhas and bodhisattvas to come into the room, in the meeting with the Master, why not invite all the Buddhas and bodhisattvas to be there too? If they're already there, why don't you invite them to join you and the teacher?

[04:42]

From the first time you meet a Master, together with all Buddhas and bodhisattvas, invoking the presence of all the Buddhas and bodhisattvas in the meeting, in that meeting, then it says, without engaging in incense offering and so on, just wholeheartedly sit and drop away body and mind. Another way to say it is, just renounce worldly affairs. Incense offering and so on are not necessarily worldly affairs, but the first thing is to renounce worldly affairs, before, without engaging in incense offering, bowing, chanting

[05:46]

the Buddha's name, or even before meditating, renounce worldly affairs. Renounce worldly affairs and just sit, or just sit, just sit as an expression, as an expression as a way to express giving up worldly affairs. Just sit, but not just sit by you sitting, by yourself, just sit in the awareness that all beings are supporting you to sit. For me to sit, for me to have myself here, for me to be here and me to sit, this is not

[06:55]

just to sit. Just to sit means just to sit through the support of all beings, through the support of all beings there is sitting, that's just sitting. This is to renounce the worldly affair, the basic worldly affair of I do sitting, I practice Zen, I live a life, that's the basic worldly affair. Sometimes, in Buddhist meditation manuals, what they do is they have you offer incense, bow, chant Buddha's name, recite scriptures, practice confession, and then after all that, give up worldly affairs. With that warm-up of all those practices, then sit, through the support of all beings.

[08:03]

Through all those practices, wash away the idea, the view that you practice by yourself, and then after doing all that, let the sitting happen. But here Dogen says, let's immediately, as soon as we have a chance, while we still have a chance, let there be sitting through the support of all beings, for the support of all beings. And this sitting will not be to get anything, this sitting will be the sitting which is dropping worldly affairs of trying to get something from the sitting. It will be the sitting which is Buddha, not the sitting to get Buddha. Then we can practice incense offering, bowing, chanting Buddha's name, reciting scriptures,

[09:06]

repentance, and etc. We can do all this study, but first of all, let's renounce the worldly affair of trying to get something from spiritual practice. Let's renounce the worldly affair of practicing based on me doing the practice. Let's renounce that perspective in practice. From the first time you have a chance, renounce that. And in Soto Zen that means just sit. It means sit non-dualistically, sit, supporting all beings and being supported by beings. Sit with this, after inviting all the Buddhas to come and support you, let there be sitting, or as they say, let there be light. The light of renouncing the darkness of individual activity, of independent activity.

[10:10]

Renounce the worldly affairs, renounce the individual activity of offering incense, bowing, chanting Buddha's name. Don't do any more of that. Individual, isolated, independent activity. Just sit in interdependent activity. And just sitting in interdependent activity is dropping off body and mind. And then, once body and mind is dropped off, sitting in the midst of this awareness, this self-fulfilling awareness, then please offer incense, chant Buddha's name, practice repentance and confession, read scriptures, write scriptures, copy scriptures, support your local Buddhist bookstore. They'll probably have a sale at the end of Session, but before you go to the bookstore,

[11:18]

renounce worldly affairs. Don't try to get anything from the bookstore for yourself, but with the support of all beings, and to support all beings, go buy some books. And if the bookstore is closed, look at the door. The first step, in a way, as I said in the ordinations, in the Bodhisattva Initiation, in a sense, the first step is renunciation of worldly affairs. In some sense, the first step in the Initiation Ceremony is just to sit there. However, actually, before we practice just sitting there, we invoke the presence of the

[12:23]

Buddhas, because, again, we cannot just sit there by ourselves. That's not what we mean by it. So we invoke, and we sit. From the first time you meet the Buddha, just sit. From the first time you invite the Buddhas and the Bodhisattvas to come and practice with you and assist you, just sit. And this can be done every single period of meditation, at the beginning of every period of meditation, you can just quickly say, okay, come on, help, please come, sit with me.

[13:25]

I heard a story about one of the disciples of the Tibetan teacher Tsongkhapa, I think Drangthampa, Brahm. On one occasion, he saw one of his elders, and he said, It makes my heart glad, uncle, to see you walk around this holy place, paying your respects. How much gladder would I be if you practiced something spiritual?

[14:42]

And then he would see his elder brother maybe offering incense, and he would say, Oh, how glad it makes my heart to see you offering incense. Or he would see him meditating, and he would say, Oh, how glad it makes me see you meditating. Or he would see him prostrating, and he would say, Oh, how glad it is to me to see you prostrating. Or he would see him reading scriptures, Oh, how, reciting scriptures, oh, it's wonderful, or reciting prayers and mantras, Oh, how glad, oh, how glad my heart is to see you doing these practices. How much gladder I would be if you did something spiritual. So finally, the uncle says, Well, you know, how am I to practice? And he said, Give up on trying to get something out of this life. And he said it three times loud.

[15:55]

Give up on trying to get something out of this life. Give up on trying to get something out of this life, this spiritual life, this pious practice life. Give up trying to get something out of it. So this, up there in those high, highlands of Central Asia, same teaching as the Japanese ancestor. Practice without trying to get something. Give up the perspective of you and the practice. Enter the practice of the self-fulfilling samadhi, where you practice together with everybody, and everybody practices together with you, and there's nothing to get.

[16:57]

Renounce worldly affairs in your spiritual practice. Renounce worldly affairs. In one sense, some people might feel, Oh, how cold and extremely, what extreme poverty that sounds like, not getting anything. But I assuage that thought by thinking, although I'm not getting anything out of the practice, I am practicing together with all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas who are also not getting anything out of the practice. So I don't get anything, but I'm now joined the club of the Great Ones

[18:08]

who don't get anything. They don't seem to be too worried about that. Buddhas are the ones who have given up trying to get something out of life. Like they say, like Buddha said, Reverend Subuddhi, when I attained supreme, perfect, unsurpassable enlightenment, was there anything I got? And Subuddhi says, No, Lord, you didn't get a thing. Not one thing did you get when you attained supreme, perfect, unsurpassable enlightenment. That's why we call it supreme, perfect enlightenment, because you didn't get anything. Like, you're totally cool, dude. Thank you. I wanted the lights not to be too bright,

[19:11]

and I succeeded. There are 8 million stories about this point in the Zen tradition. I don't know how many there are in the Central Asian plateau tradition, in the lofty plateau tradition, but there's many stories in Zen about this simple point of how to attain enlightenment. Purifying the practice of the worldly, dualistic, gaining perspective, renouncing that perspective in the practice, and that being the main practice. But maybe I've said enough for now.

[20:13]

I see two hands there. Frederick? Yes? And Will? Yes? I have a question about the master. If someone is able to see with the eyes of interdependence, then what they're seeing arises as interdependence. It doesn't arise suddenly from them. Then, would it, anything that they would see, be good in nature? And isn't that seeing like a master? Or wouldn't that be seeing a master than being able to see? I see it more

[21:24]

in the walls, the people in this room, with the eyes of interdependence. I'm seeing this supporting, this supporting me, and I'm supporting that. Now how does that differ from seeing a master? Did you say how is that different from seeing a master? You mean if we have some eyes, some wisdom eyes, that can see interdependence? How is that vision of seeing interdependence different from seeing the master? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. If one attains the ability to see a master, then isn't that the same as seeing whatever else that they come across in their life

[22:25]

would be this experience of arising and supporting? If there was the vision, it would be a vision, as it says in this text we've been reciting, it would be a vision where nothing in the vision would appear within perception. There would be no recognition of the interdependence when the interdependence is seen. So seen means seen in a non-dual way. If you see interdependence in a way that you can recognize, that's not interdependence itself. That's making interdependence into an object. That's what? Yeah.

[23:26]

But there is a possibility of the seeing or the cognition of interdependence, but in the cognition of interdependence there's no recognition, there's no recognition, there's just cognition. And that cognition is not cognition of an external object. It's a cognition which understands and realizes and knows interdependence. So if you're saying, well, wouldn't that be seeing the Master? Well, you wouldn't really be seeing a recognizable Master, but you would be realizing the Master who we call, you know, the Awakened One, then the Master would be realized in that vision, but you wouldn't see the Master exactly out there, because you don't see anything that way when you cognize correctly interdependence, you don't see some recognizable object or the object called interdependence,

[24:28]

you don't see that. The statement is pointing to an objectification of what you're seeing by calling something Master, right? This statement is objectifying what you see by calling something Master. Well, you don't have to hear it that way. There is a Master, you can have a Master, a teacher that you go see. You don't have to objectify the Master. But the Master is still there, it's just that the Master never was really an object. The Master never was separate from you. But the first time you meet a Master means the first time you meet the person who is your teacher. But you don't have to objectify that. It's not necessary, but you can if you want to. But again, that object you make out of your Master the Master isn't really an object, actually in and of herself,

[25:28]

she is something that you can use as a condition to create an object. Will? I just have one other question if I could. Okay. The definition that asks you to sit after at some point one is able to do this one isn't able to do it this rises Yeah, this sitting can arise through the auspicious occurrences of meeting a Master. And then the abolition is to just sit. Now, I'm thinking that one is already doing that. That's right. One is already doing that. We are already just sitting. That's what we are already doing. And of course this sitting has nothing to do with the posture of sitting because we are just sitting.

[26:29]

What we mean by just sitting is the way we are all the time. The way we are all the time is that we are actually dropping off body and mind. That's the way we really are. That's our true nature. So we are trying to not interfere with our true nature in this practice. So if we try to get something out of life, it's like we are saying well my nature is not quite good enough I got to get some more. I got to get some additional stuff here. Or our nature is that we are already complete. So we got to train ourselves to not try to get anything and paste it on top of our completion, our completeness. Because we have a habit of thinking we are not complete. We think we are kind of like separate from the rest of the universe. So we feel kind of we want part of that universe the good parts generally to be stuck on to us or

[27:31]

belong to us or tag along with us. But we are already complete. So if we don't completely understand that it may be hard to understand what just sitting is. But once we practice just sitting a long time gradually it sinks in what just sitting is. Namely it's the way to not undermine or defile or disrespect our true nature. Which is that we are something that is made by the whole universe and something upon which the whole universe is based. This is our true nature which we are devoted to the practice of realizing that. Will? Could you speak up Will since you are way in the back and you don't have an amplifier?

[28:31]

Worldly affairs? Yeah, worldly affairs means things activities that are sponsored by the wish to get something out of the activity. That's one way to define to elucidate worldly affairs. Another way would be worldly affairs are activities which arise in dependence on the view that I'm going to do this activity. That I'm going to come forward and do the activity of sitting or bowing or making lunch. Then my lunch making and my bowing and my sitting are worldly affairs. Even though they are so called religious they are defiled by the perspective of being separate from me. They are despiled by the perspective that I exist independent of my activity or your activity or somebody's activity. When I have that perspective the activities which arise

[29:38]

from that perspective depending on that perspective are worldly affairs. But any activity that arises from renouncing that perspective and entering into the samadhi of interdependence the awareness of how myself is born of all beings and supports all beings that awareness is the ground of so called liberating spiritual activity. Same action but instead of an enchaining effect there is a liberating effect. Okay? Is that like real clear? Hard to practice though. Martin? On this path of I guess getting rid of gaining anything

[30:38]

worth Not getting rid of gaining anything. That would be gaining something. No, we're not really getting rid of gaining anything. We're letting go of that habit but not getting rid of it. It's still available if you ever need it. The whole universe goes to a lot of trouble to make this kind of like gaining motivation. So we don't get rid of that. We don't get rid of people who are trying to gain something. So what's the relationship between practicing or the awareness of practicing with all beings and feeling completely alone? What's the relationship between

[31:40]

the awareness of practicing with all beings and the feeling of being completely alone? I think sometimes when teachers and disciples speak of being completely alone what they mean is the awareness that you're practicing together with all beings. That there's nobody else in the world. There's nobody who's separate from you. There's just one mind and that's it. That's what they mean by completely alone. There's not like you and then over there some Buddhas and some other people. It's not that way. There's you, all the Buddhas, all other living beings and that's it. There's nobody else. You're all alone. And you're totally dependent and everybody else depends on you. I think that's

[32:42]

what a lot of people mean when they say realize you're completely alone. Not separate, but completely alone. Yes, would you tell me your name again? Lane. Lane? Yes, Lane? I have a question about yesterday's Dharma talk. I've heard you bring it up before you talk about crisis and danger and opportunity. But I'm not sure what the danger or the opportunity is. I mean, would that be related to losing your mind or insanity? One of the dangers is insanity which is closely related to losing your mind and also it's related to losing your marbles. And it's also related to losing it and meltdown, etc.

[33:44]

There is the danger of losing your mind, okay? Practicing doesn't mean that that danger goes away. Bye-bye, no, I can't go crazy anymore. Then there's the danger of death. There's the danger of losing your good reputation. There's the danger of losing your health. And there's the danger of hurting people as you start to reorient to a new way of practicing. There's the danger of being discouraged. There's the danger of betraying the trust that people give you in this environment of openness and sincerity. Lots of dangers of difficult situations are opening up here. It doesn't mean that there aren't dangers when you don't enter into this process but in some sense what a lot of people do is they stay away from

[34:46]

commitment because they sense that it's going to either intensify or make them more aware of these dangers. So they kind of sell out on the opportunity of commitment because they don't want to deal with the dangers that are constellated by this taking up a place where you are. But without commitment the dangers don't go away it's just that they kind of just are lurking there and if you should happen to make a commitment they'll come and get you. But you know as long as you're like totally wasting your time the dangers kind of go well we're successful he's like wasting his life losing his marbles but if you commit to practice a path of virtue then you get tested and there's some dangers around those tests.

[35:50]

Pardon? By taking up the practice of meditation it seems like those dangers if one recognizes those dangers already and is totally ignorant then they seem a lot less. You know the Buddha did not actually say whether it's less or more dangerous to practice the way he didn't say. You might be right but my experience is that people think it's going to be more dangerous if they commit so like people say to me I love the Bodhisattva precepts and I'm practicing them and I think I'm getting a little bit more skillful at them and I say great but I don't feel like I want to make a commitment and then they start crying sometimes because they kind of sense that if they would step from this nice practice they have with the precepts which is going pretty well and they really love the precepts their life in some ways seems safer and healthier

[36:55]

but they sense that if they would commit there's some dangers that will come forward and one of the dangers is that when you commit if that well put it the other way if you are practicing the Bodhisattva precepts and you're successful you feel good and if you're unsuccessful you feel maybe a little bit bad but maybe not because you say well I never said I was going to do them I never committed so it's good when I do them and when I don't do them well it's not that bad but if you commit then you're endangering yourself to have much harder time with not following them and not only do you feel somewhat worse when you make this commitment but other people feel worse about you when you make that commitment they kind of said hey Lin you committed to blah blah and what are you doing man? and you kind of go oh yeah right gee I'm sorry

[37:58]

but that that's normal part of the process it's not a bad thing and the danger is not so much that you feel bad actually the danger is that you would maybe say this is too hard I can't stand this or don't bother me I don't want to hear any more feedback from you this kind of thing but people won't give you much feedback if you don't commit so that they might not give you as intensive feedback so I don't know if it's more or less danger but what I do feel what I am proposing to you is that whether it's more dangerous or less dangerous you're not taking this path to avoid danger that's not the point you're taking this path knowing that it still might be dangerous and you're still going not because it's dangerous but you're willing to pay the price of walking a path that's dangerous because it is the path of liberation the other path is the path of trying to avoid dangers

[39:00]

even at the cost of never getting liberated I think maybe if I just don't tell the truth right now I won't get in trouble you know if I say the truth I might get in trouble so I think maybe I'm going to avoid that difficulty and I didn't vow to practice telling the truth so I'll just kind of like not say it the true way and sure enough it wasn't too bad, it got by nobody busted me for that for practicing the precept but that way although it kind of like avoids certain dangers you're spending all your time avoiding dangers the other way you're not primarily trying to avoid dangers you're primarily trying to practice for example the precepts or just sitting and then when you do that I'm just saying beforehand don't be surprised if the dangers

[40:01]

are looming big around you while you're doing that that doesn't mean there's something wrong and again some people before they make commitments they're very smart and they know they kind of can sense maybe because they made past commitments that life gets in some sense more difficult when you commit not right away necessarily but eventually like if you spend some time with somebody and you're having a good time and then you are not having a good time you can just say well I'm not having a good time okay if I leave and sometimes they say yeah I'm not having a good time either let's split it was nice having some good times with you but it's not fun now so let's just go away from each other okay ever heard that story? but if you make a commitment to be with somebody for a certain long time if it's before that time is up

[41:03]

and you try to get away it's a little bit more difficult to walk away and if you don't walk away then you walk into more and more intense difficulty in the relationship like I was talking about yesterday committing to a student-teacher relationship that's not fun anymore I want to leave yeah but you committed to stay in this relationship for 3 months or 6 months or 10 lifetimes or whatever and so the commitment supports you to stay in it even when it gets difficult the commitment doesn't exactly make it more difficult the commitment supports you to keep going when it does get difficult and if you don't jump around from boat to boat from practice to practice from situation to situation every time it gets difficult because you've made commitments then when the difficulty comes you follow through

[42:04]

and so a big part of the practice is following through on certain things but there's dangers in that okay by the way can I ask you a personal question? I've noticed you come to Zazen quite a bit is that true? yeah, are you trying to get anything? sometimes thank you yes Jackie about danger I have often felt when I was in danger and feeling my own perception you felt danger, yes and if I had let go of the fear of danger which is really a fear about myself yes I would have not lost

[43:08]

a lot of opportunity for intimacy and I cannot see how you can quite sit with the fear of danger in your head and without being intimate I don't know if I understand your question but I would like to respond to one part of it which I appreciate you bringing up I did not say fear of danger the fear of danger is not the point I'm just saying that there are dangers but I do not want anybody to be afraid of the dangers so for example you are in danger of death right now and so am I we are in danger of death I think it's good to be aware of that to open to that fact of life that we are in danger of death there is a danger of death

[44:09]

but I do not say please be afraid of death I just say if you clearly see that you are in danger of death that will be good clearly seeing the danger of death will promote wholesome activity fear of death however I do not recommend but if you are afraid well we can work with that but that's not really the point when you are afraid of death you don't see so clearly when you are afraid of death that often goes with unwholesome activity with unskillful activity people who are afraid of death will do cruel things if they are told that doing a cruel thing will reduce the danger of death now if I am told that doing a cruel thing will reduce the danger of death and I clearly see the danger of death then I am less likely to do the cruel thing but if I am afraid of death then that fear can be used

[45:11]

to manipulate me into unwholesome activities and unwholesome activities are activities which interfere with intimacy yes I think I know the answer but I want to ask go ahead so if Rusa died and your reputation fell into complete disrepute here and you were fired you were asked to leave the Sangha that's already happened I mean not the Rusa dead part actually Rusa the girl I married has died that young cute thing is gone I lost the Rusa I married and also I have been fired and my reputation is shot any further questions?

[46:12]

it could be shot more I know but so what's the answer? that's okay what's the answer? I don't know now I'm having fun since your wife isn't here I just want to point out that you probably aren't the same whippersnapper I won't say I've never been so insulted in my life I have been more insulted than that actually but do you think that is that really true that I'm not the whippersnapper anymore? that I'm getting older people say no you're not getting old no they don't say that anymore they don't argue with yeah he's getting old the old grey mayor the old grey stallion

[47:18]

yeah thanks for pointing that out that was really nice of you I appreciate your support you really did not yes Stefan it seems like the convention of life outside the Buddhist monastery is basically all about gaining something it's all about gaining here too man these instructions are for people inside and outside of the temple but particularly for the people in the temple because they actually want to attain the Buddha way realize the Buddha way

[48:25]

so for them this is a key point the people who do not want to realize the Buddha way this teaching is not really for them because if they don't want to achieve peace and harmony then what's the point of telling them to give up worldly affairs gaining ideas if they want to cause trouble then they're on the right track but if we want peace and harmony we have to do this so the people who come to the temple it's a teaching for them there is gaining idea like Lane said sometimes he even slips into it or he used to anyway there are people in this place who are in danger of slipping into death and gaining idea or gaining idea and then death so the teaching is for those who wish to practice the Buddha way if there's anybody outside the temple who does not want to practice the Buddha way and there may be such people that have not seen that desire

[49:28]

this teaching is not for them they're into gaining idea but if there's people outside who wish to attain the Buddha way then this teaching is for them but inside and outside people are into trying to get something out of life trying to get something out of the life of practice like even the elders of some teachers are trying to get something out of practice reverend uncle yes well I see that I think the difference is that the forms in the temple are constructed to help whereas the forms outside the temple are not constructed to help they're constructed to promote to gain idea some of them are but some of them are not for example

[50:30]

I think law courts a lot of the laws of the land are not promoted for gaining idea they're promoted to protect people from being overwhelmed by some people who are into gaining idea they're meant to mollify the damage that's caused by people being into gaining idea so there is some structures in society which are aware that people are selfish and trying to gain stuff for themselves and their friends and there's some attempt to mollify the ill effects of that orientation but you can say well even there they're trying to gain the mollification and I would say maybe so but there is some wisdom some wisdom has penetrated to some extent our general society to some extent

[51:34]

like I saw this thing when I was flying back on the airplane it was a show about the Harlem Globetrotters and you know them? and so in 1936 when Jesse Owens went to Berlin I think it was 1936, he went to Berlin for the Olympics and he got quite a few gold medals and set some world records in the 100 yard dash and the broad jump and Adolf Hitler would not even shake his hand because he's African American but then Jesse Owens went back to to Berlin West Berlin in I think 1950 with the Harlem Globetrotters and one of the things that happened was as the Harlem Globetrotters were heading

[52:36]

towards the Olympic Stadium their road was blocked the roads were overrun with people and they're blocked and they thought the people were going to hurt them but actually the people were just there to try to get their autograph because they loved the Harlem Globetrotters and they went to to do an exhibition at the Olympic Stadium and they thought well maybe 10,000 people will come but 65,000 people came they completely packed the Olympic Stadium which hadn't been bombed the Americans did not bomb the Olympic Stadium for whatever reason maybe so this could happen and and then there was Jesse Owens was there with him and he had his, he was in a suit he's 15 years older now but still you know really great shape

[53:36]

and he took off his suit and he had his Olympic outfit underneath and he ran around the track and those German people you know they just totally loved him they just totally loved him and so and he looked like a happy guy and then the mayor of Berlin went over to him and said I now do what Adolf Hitler didn't do I take your hand with both my hands and say we love you so wisdom does sometimes you know reach where we don't where we really do realize sometimes in the forms of society a moment where we're not trying to get anything moments of realization there are moments and there are structures and in a way Olympic Stadiums are there in some sense to realize that we're all working together with one mind

[54:37]

so that we will let athletes come and break through people's sense of separation and break through people's sense of you know we're not working together but of course a tremendous amount of human society is built up from delusion of separation and me get stuff from me it's true that's our innate but some work has been done over the centuries to transform our society and all these forms which are trying to express interdependence they're all very fragile right like emissions regulations on cars are trying to protect the environment but doesn't seem to be quite working so it's not 100%

[55:39]

that out there there's no penetration no realization no extension of the practice and the principles it's just we need a lot more I agree and also in the Zen centers where it's set up for that purpose we need more too okay yes for me it seems sometimes like a contradiction of making the practice not trying to get something while I really want to get something out of it being not authentic not trying to get out of it and trying to be authentic while I really want to get something out of it yeah I agree when we want to get something out of it we should be authentic

[56:42]

we are authentically a person who wants to get something out of the practice please authentically express that and one way to authentically express it is to practice confession and repentance so it's not I didn't make myself into somebody who authentically wants to get something out of life because of karmic accumulations there's now some obstruction to this realization and by confessing and repenting that we melt away the root of this wanting to get something out of life so every time you see this kind of like oh, get something, get something that's an opportunity to practice wow, here it is again an opportunity to practice confession of gaining, gaining, gaining

[57:45]

yay, gaining, yay there it is again and I feel not terrible about it but kind of embarrassed or maybe terrible but somewhere between embarrassed and terrible there's a range there and this is the medium in which we have a chance to like when there's like gain it's like okay it's not like gain, happy loss, unhappy it's more like gain loss praise blame spoken well of spoken well of spoken badly of little by little people

[58:45]

telling you that you're not a spring chicken people telling you you look 20 years younger than you are little by little there's equanimity you look like you're on the verge of death you've got a lot of good years ahead of you and I'm a doctor and I know you're going to live to be old and you're going to be healthy and rich we can approach that but in the meantime it's more like you're going to be healthy and rich yay! you're going to die soon ooh! that really hurt you're just an old fuddy-duddy you're a fool ooh! so by noticing when I get up from the gain down from the loss by confessing and repenting around these awareness

[59:46]

these events authentically be the person who's like ooh I really feel good about this this gain is like really great I really am that way or I really don't feel good about this loss I mean I'm really like twisted into an uncomfortable position around this thing being taken from me rather than hey I gave it didn't get taken no problem but if I am feeling like it was taken I should authentically admit that yes it was taken before I saw how to make it a gift I missed the chance I confess it I'm authentically in a retarded state of practice right now I admit it I confess it and I repent it yes

[60:48]

and maybe one day gain some relief by this confession yeah does he have another confession besides that one? I knew you would ask me that yesterday so I knew you it's in the form of a story you were right ok I'm done laughter you're a success now some failure pardon? could I now speak up for failure? yeah this was a temple danger and loss it's a small thing did you say temple danger? an example of a danger of a temple opportunity is there a person named Temple Granger? yes there's Temple Granger

[61:51]

and Temple Danger laughter so yesterday laughter it was so good for lunch to be out of time I didn't want everybody to have to wait for their meal and someone from the kitchen who had a very compassionate intention came up and asked me something which was, do you know anything about this? and Usoku said no and then Usoku out of the mixed dangers of wanting to fulfill the obligation and joy of providing a meal on time and the obligation to not cause pain to another person in that stress yes this dangerous energy of that discomfort came forth to the person asking this compassionate question

[62:51]

in a way that was forceful and unkind the actual words were why would I? so the person from the kitchen started to explain and I came in and brought in the meal and afterwards I realized why he even asked me which I didn't understand at all where this was coming from and I found him and I apologized but there were other people around when I made this expression it wasn't just the person that I caught to express my sorrow but I guess it came up when Stephen was asking and also earlier in this discussion of is it more dangerous or not every one of these small things seems quite big in the context of this life and yeah they seem like small things

[63:53]

minor matters and yet they're very big and I don't know if they're sizes but they are important these small things are important if you're practicing they they what do you call it they don't cause much problem because you can confess the next day in dharma talk or in the next second and when you're practicing you can confess faster and faster and but if you're not practicing then these things are not exactly more important just that they can blow up into super tragedies but if you're practicing they can fulfill themselves quite quickly like apologize to that person later in the day for example and then maybe say a little bit more the next day in the dharma talk just recently

[64:56]

I was quite recently I was spending some time with this beautiful woman that I'm married to this beautiful old lady she's so old yeah her birthday is tomorrow she's getting close to 60 and so she offered me some yogurt no no she offered me she said you want this tea and I said yeah and I wanted to receive that tea from her and put it with some other tea which she gave me the day before I'm collecting all her her old teas in this container and she was going to go pour the tea into another cup and I said you know give me the tea and I said it again forcefully

[65:58]

and so finally she did give me the tea and I poured it in the thing and I said I wanted to do it this way because I didn't want to wash another dish for you and she said you didn't have to say it so stiffly though and I said how about if I said please [...] she said that would have gone a lot better so again here you are like got this big crew here and an ocean of people waiting for you to feed them and you want to give them the food right on time and somebody comes up to you and says is it okay to say the Woody Allen line now? do I have to again? so you're there in the entryway

[67:02]

and and and a person comes up to you from the kitchen and says do you have a light? and you say what? and they say I'm just kidding do you have the time? and you say what? and they say I'm just kidding and you say please please please let me serve this meal on time please I know you have a good reason for asking me these questions but please let me do this heroic deed which I'm sort of planning on doing for the welfare of this massive crowd of hungry people we have to be ready we have to be ready all the time for somebody to come up to you and say could I just derail this whole project that you're and kind of like what?

[68:03]

is this happening to me? wait a second here oh yeah it is happening to me hey guess what? I got this project I don't want you to do it and then all the servers are watching and they get to see the show it's wonderful you can open the doors and we can all see just sit wholeheartedly and drop away body and mind and then they come to test you and then you fail and then you confess and repent but sometimes sometimes it's beautiful sometimes it's really like oh that was so great that you derailed me so that I could fall so low in such a beautiful way and you could catch me and everybody could see it was like really great

[69:07]

how we did that together and everybody supported it and it was like such a mess and so beautiful because we were ready to have what we're doing together take over and what I was planning to do by myself to drop away so we come in the room to practice meditation we have this idea maybe I'm going to go sit down well ok but how about at the doorway when you step in if not before watch and see how all beings support you to float to your seat with your feet on the ground every step of the way all beings including the earth which pulls you so strongly down to its surface so you can walk along the ground to your seat with the support of the whole earth just listen to that teaching

[70:08]

remember how the whole earth and all living beings are born together with you every step of the way and if you forget then confess and if you feel bad repent and the more we do that the more we're doing the pure and simple color of true practice the true mind of faith the true body of faith may our intention may it extend to any place where the true merit of goodness may beings are numberless I vow

[71:08]

to save them illusions are inexhaustible I vow to mend them the gates are boundless I vow to enter them the earth's weight is unsurpassable I vow to become it

[71:36]

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