I was taking the lid of the blender off the shelf and it hit me in the eye. It hurt. So my vision's a little funny and I have a black eye. I want to start by starting with the big picture. Big picture is Renunciation is the key to enter the practice of wisdom joined with compassion. For the sake of the tape recorder, I'm using... I use my left hand for wisdom and my right hand for compassion. So, renunciation...

[01:03]

is a way to enter the united practice of the two in the path of the bodhisattva who aspires to realize complete enlightenment in this world for all beings. And in one sense, in a sense, renunciation is more like wisdom in a sense than it is like compassion. Because renunciation is to let go of things, to give things away, and in particular it would mean to renounce all your views and By renouncing all your views, you renounce your wrong views and your right views.

[02:10]

You renounce your views of things being separate, that aren't. Like, you know, We depend on each other, we're interdependent with each other, and we're kind of different from each other, but we're not separate from each other. But most of us have a view that we are separate. And renunciation would be to renounce that view. Renouncing the view that we are separate. that self and other are separate, or that consciousness and its objects are separate, renouncing those views, then what you have then is right view or wisdom. So by giving up your views, you get a little present called wisdom.

[03:22]

In order to have wisdom, we have to give something up, namely, our ignorance. We have to stop ignoring reality. And the way we usually ignore reality is we make up another view of the way things are, other than the way they are. We don't have to stop ourselves from doing that at the beginning of enlightenment. We just have to give it up. which of course is a big practice, and we need to develop quite a bit of enthusiasm for the idea of letting go of our ideas, of our views. But that is the practice of renunciation, and that's the wisdom side. But bodhisattva practice isn't just wisdom. It's wisdom joined with compassion. It's bringing that right view, it's bringing that renunciation of all your views, all your distinctions, to the practice of compassion.

[04:44]

And the practice of compassion, in a sense, we often think of it starting as wanting beings to be free of suffering. So that desire for beings to be free of suffering, you bring wisdom to it. You bring a mind that is not holding onto distinctions to the wish for beings to be free of suffering. So right away, you give up the distinction of self and other, and you give up the distinction of glory and many. and Gary and Mark. You give up those distinctions. The distinctions are still arising. Did you see I came up with them? Did you see how I did it? Very easy, because I learned your names. So now I have names to label the distinctions. But in renunciation, I give up the distinction of Gary and Mark.

[05:54]

So my compassion then is not, well, I should put it positively, my compassion is freed of the distinction of me and Mark me and Gary, and Gary and Mark. So at the basis of the compassion is we start to open it up and set it free from distinctions which are flying all over the place. My friends, my enemies, those who support me, those who don't, I give up those distinctions at the root of compassion so I'm not hindered by my distinctions in working for the welfare of all beings. And then compassion also is more than just a wish that everyone would be free and realize compassion and wisdom themselves. It's also doing practices which realize that.

[06:57]

And so my hands are nice because on this hand I have five fingers, on this hand I have five fingers, but the left hand I'm just going to use I'm either going to make a fist or just have one finger. This is just wisdom. Wisdom or renunciation taken to its limit. Renunciation coming all the way to giving up all views. We have wisdom now. Okay? So wisdom and renunciation are going to come together with five practices of compassion. Of course, there's zillions of them, but we have five main ones. Giving. precepts, patience, enthusiasm, and meditation or concentration. So we're going to bring wisdom and renunciation and wisdom to these practices, to free them, to bring that freedom from distinctions to those practices.

[08:05]

And last week I was talking about the second of these five, the precept practice, some also sometimes called vigilance and conscientiousness, being very careful and attentive to all actions. Deceit is this activity apropos to compassion. And then I, in the range of precepts dealing with many different aspects of daily life, I chose the one of sexuality to focus on. So a practice of virtue is to practice with sexuality in in a way that's apropos to compassion.

[09:16]

So there's a virtuous practice of working with sexuality in a way that is in accord with compassion, but also joined with wisdom. So it's not just that you're practicing with sexuality with the intention of being kind and benefiting all beings, but also without distinction. or free of distinctions. So the distinctions are there, but you're not clinging to them, and you can use them appropriately. And another distinction to give up, which I thought might be helpful to notice, is not just the distinction between different beings, but also different practices. So also you bring renunciation to the practice of precepts and you give up the distinction between the precepts and, for example, meditation.

[10:25]

So you practice the precepts and you know that there's some difference between precepts and meditation, but you don't hold to that distinction. So you see how precepts It's like that. You see how precepts and meditation work together. They help each other. And you give up the distinction, you see more and more how precepts and meditation help each other. For example, last week, Dorit said, in some situations, like in the office, if sexual feelings arise, I don't know, she said she didn't know what was appropriate. Something like that. She didn't understand how to practice the precept of appropriate sexuality, or put negatively, how to practice the precept of giving up misuse of sexuality. She didn't understand how you'd practice that in the office.

[11:29]

Well, if you remember, The connection between the precept practice and the meditation practice and the instructions you hear from meditation might apply to how to work with sexual phenomena too. So while you're sitting in meditation, various things happen. You hear sounds, various pianos are going off, buses going by, airplanes flying over, blah, blah, blah. You're sitting there and whatever comes in meditation, you meet it. You don't shrink away from it. You don't bat it down. You don't shoot it out of the sky. You meet it with complete relaxation. Because of the non-distinction of that meditation practice of meeting whatever comes with complete relaxation, you can apply it to sexuality too, to meet sexuality with complete relaxation, to meet sexuality without grasping or seeking.

[12:41]

So you renounce the distinction, there is a distinction, but you renounce the distinction between meditation and the precepts, and in particular the precept of not misusing sexuality. You renounce the distinction And that helps you understand how to practice with sexuality, but it also grounds your meditation so that you don't think that meditation is not about dealing with sexuality. So that you think, well, I'm meditating, but now sexual phenomena is arising, so meditation's over. Or, you know, I meditate in the meditation hall, and now I go home, And there's my partner. And now, boom, this is meditation. Remembering that meditation is connected to the precepts and connected to the precepts, all the precepts, but in particular to sexuality, helps you ground your meditation so that, if you excuse the expression, your meditation doesn't get spirited away.

[13:55]

Your meditation doesn't become... too much what you quote think is spiritual that is grounded now of course in actual practice as people get more and more into the meditation a lot of them not all of them but as they get more and more into it funny thing is they start thinking about sex and they think often that they're thinking about it to distract themselves from the meditation if you get bored what some people do is they think about those things or Whatever. Anyway, it does come up for some people in their mind while they're so-called meditating. But a bodhisattva doesn't just practice those five compassion practices in meditation halls or hospitals. Bodhisattva practices meditation all day long. In the bedroom, in the bathroom, in the kitchen.

[14:59]

in work and in play, watching TV, listening to music, taking a walk. There's no place where the meditation doesn't reach, and there's no place where the precepts don't reach. All these practices are actually ultimately supposed to be practiced everywhere, all the time, all of them working together. So again, connecting meditation to the precepts, you can also think then again, how is meditation connected to the precept of not taking what's not given? Or put it positively, how is meditation taking what's given? The second of the ten great precepts is not to take what's not given. In meditation, That's a good meditation instruction.

[16:01]

Take what's given and don't take what's not given. Airplane, sound of an airplane, take it, receive it. It's given. It's being given to you. Don't say, no, thank you. Give me the sound of a robin. The sound of the robin is not being given. Don't take it. Don't seek it. Give me a better teacher. Don't seek it. Take the one you get. It may be a lousy teacher, but the meditation is, I have a lousy teacher, thank you. So another way to put this is, in meditation, whatever comes, welcome. Not welcome like I like this or don't like it. Welcome like, welcome, whoever you are. whatever you are welcome airplane sound bus sound several pianos welcome but there's another meaning of welcome is like this came well it really came it's actually happening you recognize that it your life is happening like this welcome welcome universe like this same with sexuality

[17:21]

Welcome. Not give me more. Hey, let's have a little bit more of that type. A little bit less of that type. No. Whatever it is. Some people, the way sexuality comes is it comes in this real, as I mentioned last week, comes in this real pale, wilted, weak, blanched way. And they have a hard time saying, welcome, old age. welcome whatever you know impotence welcome blah blah they have trouble saying welcome and other people like it comes like red and hot and pulsing and they have trouble saying welcome because it you know maybe sometimes it comes just right not too hard not too soft not too hot not too cold just right like in what is it the three bears right sometimes it comes just right and then you say okay welcome But even then, you probably don't say welcome.

[18:26]

You probably say, gotcha. This is what I've been waiting for. This is the perfect rendition of sexual phenomena. This is the one. But even that one, because we grasp it, we immediately seek something else and we lose it. But just welcome. You receive it. And this is the appropriate way to deal with it. Just receive it. That's it. Period. And then you go and get another one. You always, every moment you get your little sexual package. Sometimes it seems like I can hardly sense it. You know, it doesn't seem like there's anything remotely related to sexuality going on here. Some people feel like that. But again, as I mentioned last week, Chinese character For human nature, also means sex.

[19:28]

We're so used to it that sometimes we don't notice it, except when it, you know, doesn't match some expectation of the way which it should be. Like, you're in the office and you think your sexuality should be such and such. Or you're on your honeymoon and you think your sexuality should be such-and-such. And then you think, whoa, it's not quite matching the situation. That's when there's seeking and grasping. But again, just think about the meditation practice. Same thing with sexuality. I would say that people have different views of the Buddha, but I would say that in the view that I have, the Buddha... I mean, a Buddha or the Buddha, I'm sure, has fantastic consciousness and fantastic

[20:54]

you know, has a fantastic self. Just wonderful. But what's really important for me about Buddha is the quality of the Buddha's relationships with others. I think that's the most important thing about a Buddha, is not how swell they are, but the kind of relationships they have with other beings. I think that's more what the Buddha is about. It's not just that Buddha's having a good time, but that the Buddha, when the Buddha meets someone, the Buddha meets in this appropriate way. Makes this appropriate, enters into this appropriate type of relationship, which liberates everybody. So again, from this perspective, meditation is not so much about... It's not so much about my private experience.

[22:16]

Meditation is not primarily a private thing. It's primarily a relational or social thing. How each of you sit here And what happens to you while you're sitting is part of what's going on. But the most important thing about meditation is your relationship with everybody else while you're practicing it. That's the way the Buddha sits. And the same with sexuality. The primary thing is not your experience or even the other person's experience. The important thing is the relationship. and in sexual relationships you have feelings and other people have feelings again, like in the office you may suddenly have this big vivid sexual phenomena arising for you in relationship to someone else and they may not or they may also you have to deal with that but the important thing is what is the appropriate relationship

[23:33]

that you should or should not be feeling the way you're feeling. If you can welcome what's happening with you, that includes letting go of it. Welcoming doesn't mean grasping or seeking what's happening. Welcoming doesn't mean you grasp what's happening or seek something other. If you can do that, the other person may not be able to, but if you can do that, at least you're doing your part of getting ready for this appropriate relationship. And the relationship can't really be there until the other person gets with the program. I shouldn't say can't really be there, but isn't fully realized until they also practice renunciation with their sexuality. But again, If you practice renunciation with your sexuality when you meet another being, that also means you're practicing giving, the other precepts, patience, enthusiasm, and concentration.

[24:46]

You're doing all those practices, and you doing all these practices provides an opportunity for the other person to join them. And in some sense, you may be pretty good at these. Like I said, Buddha's probably pretty good at these. But what's so wonderful about the Buddha is not that she's good at these things and other people aren't. What's wonderful about the Buddha is that she's so good at these things that she has relationships with other people such that they're good at them too. The important thing for Buddha is that the other people get good at the things Buddha's good at. And then you have this relationship where both sides are practicing renunciation, both sides are welcoming what's happening, and both sides are letting go of what's happening, and then both sides realize what's happening, which is not this side or that side, but both sides and in relationship. It's the relationship that's important, because that relationship then is not just between those two people, it's... So the bodhisattva, if she's practicing renunciation and she meets someone else and they're not,

[26:05]

in some sense she understands that she's not too good at it yet that she has to get more skillful in order to attract the other person into the practice so as I mentioned these these five practices are compassion practices but compassion is also called by those five names and those five names are also called skill and means and skill and means are ways of attracting people to those very practices And as you become more skillful in practicing giving, when you first start practicing giving to some people, if the people are kind of not into giving, you give to them and they just say, well, thanks. I mean, maybe they say thanks. Some people are so stingy that when you give them stuff, they don't even want it. Because they're so used to not giving to others and not giving to themselves that they're shocked when you give them something. You know somebody like that? And then...

[27:07]

Or they think, you know, what are you giving this to me for? You're probably trying, you have some ulterior motive, right? Did you ever hear a story like that? Oh, of course, the other possibility is you, I've had this experience, somebody gives me something and I think, well, now, yikes, I have to give them something. So in some cultures, you know, where they know that when someone gives you something, you have to give something back, they really say, don't give it to me. Because not only are you supposed to give it back, but give back more, and they don't want to give back more. And you keep pushing it on them. Finally, they give in, and then they say, okay, I have to give you, you know. It's a terrible situation of, you know, giving and then giving more and giving, you know. So some people who don't want to give are afraid to receive because they know, they feel, anyway, that maybe they should give back. And of course that applies to love, too. Someone wants to give you love, you say, well, then what do I have to give back?

[28:08]

Will I be able to give back as much love as you give? So maybe better not give it to me until I'm checked to see whether I'll be able to give it back. This happens, right? So... Bodhisattva has to figure out a way to give such that the person will gradually get over their resistance to giving back. To find a way to give that isn't scary. It doesn't make the person feel that they're going to like, eventually it's going to escalate to them giving away everything. So, you know, sometimes what the Bodhisattva does is he gives a present, you say no thanks, and they give a bigger one, you say no thanks, and they give a bigger one, you know, and you say, okay, I better start saying thanks. Because they're just going to give me more and more until I accept. But sometimes they don't do it that way. Sometimes they give a little bit and then they kind of go meditate a little bit.

[29:11]

And sometimes they practice patience a little bit and then they do some kind of neat precept thing. But gradually you get overwhelmed by all their compassion and you give up. You say, okay, I'll practice. This is just great. You know, I can't resist. You shop for me. You give me rides to the church. You're visiting my mother in the hospital. You're telling me the truth. You're being patient with me. You're being calm with me. You're being patient with me not, you know, accepting your gifts. You're being patient to be grumpy about your giving me gifts. I'm on the verge of giving up here. I'm on the verge of thinking maybe I should join you in this thing and you shouldn't be doing all by yourself, but I want to be your friend and your partner in this practice. I want to be like you. You're really nice. I want to stop being all selfish and clingy and, you know.

[30:15]

So you break down, you know, you break down because there's compassion just, you know. And the person who is practicing those practices with renunciation, They're flexible. You know, they can, you know, they try a little giving and doesn't, you know, you don't go for it. And it isn't exactly they're trying to break you down. It's just that, you know, they want to probably give to you and give to you and give to you, but then they feel like, oh, she's getting a bit too much, so I'll switch to some other practice. I guess that would be more appropriate. And you can switch because, you know, you see if they're not different. You can switch from meditation. to the precepts, to patience, to enthusiasm, and back and around, because you've got wisdom with it, so you can be flexible. And again, in practicing sexuality, understanding it in relationship to meditation, it's not

[31:23]

Meditation is not about getting yourself into some private excellent state of consciousness. That's okay if that happens, but the meditation of bodhisattva is not primarily about the bodhisattva getting a really great state. Now, bodhisattvas sometimes do have great states. One of the greatest states they have is called nirvana. You've heard of that? There's a rock group by that name. Nirvana. Nirvana means an unshakable or totally reliable blissful tranquility and freedom. Bodhisattvas sometimes have that state available. But their practice is not to get that state for themselves. They just get that state and then they use that state to encourage people. They say, hey, see the nirvana? Come on. Want some nirvana? Got nirvana over here? Come on. You do this, this, and this, you can go to nirvana.

[32:26]

They don't get it for themselves. They get it as a way to kind of encourage people. The main thing is not that they have this nirvana, this wonderful state, and all the other constellated lesser great states. That's not the point, although they might have them. The point is that Their meditation is the way that they live with other people. That's their meditation. It's their... It's the way that they walk together with other people. And they walk together with other people such that other people start doing the practice. That's their meditation. But they have various states, like they have calm available, they have patience, and they can use it. But they're not trying to get patience for themselves and calm for themselves. They're getting these things as ways of encouraging people to practice those themselves. And not to practice them for themselves, but practice them themselves so that they can also encourage the proper relationship with others.

[33:34]

And the same with sexuality. The same with each one of those. You don't practice sexuality for the state that you get in when you're in sexual life. You don't practice with sexuality to get yourself into some experience, to control yourself. You give up trying to control what the sexual experience is. And you don't... to get involved in sexuality for the other person's state. You get involved for the relationship, the actual flowing relationship, not this state and that state. This doesn't mean that excludes like touching someone gently because they ask you to. But your thing is not primarily to touch them so that they will have a certain experience, but to touch them so that you and the other person will have a certain type of relationship, which is you being devoted to them and them understanding that and being encouraged to practice the same with you.

[34:55]

But you're not primarily trying to get them to be devoted to you. You're trying to arrive at this relationship where you're both free of your concern for yourself and your concern for the other, which are distinctions which you have been giving up with your wisdom practice. So you're perfectly happy to, like, take a shower if somebody wants you to. Could you take a shower, please? You smell bad. Fine. But you don't take a shower to manipulate them into a happy state. You want to do something to please them, to help them. You want to do anything, but you're not trying to get them to be in that state. And in fact, if you take a shower, they might appreciate it and they might be really happy, but they might not be. They might be really depressed, but not because you took a shower, probably. They just might be depressed and your shower taking is not going to manipulate them out of that.

[35:57]

And that's not what you're primarily trying to do. You're trying to realize intimacy, which can be between two depressed people, or one depressed and one non-depressed, or six depressed and two non-depressed. All these possibilities are there when people renounce grasping and seeking and do all these practices simultaneously. And use the different practices to correct each other. So use meditation to correct sexuality and use sexuality to correct meditation. To keep your meditation from becoming, like I say, something like no sex. And you go to Zen Center, we have to be very careful of sexuality.

[36:59]

But it's not that there's no sex, it's just that we have to be very careful of it. But if we're too careful of it, sometimes people think, well, then meditation has nothing to do with sexuality. Like, sexuality is bad. Well, if you think sexuality is bad and push it away, that's going to hurt your meditation. Vice versa, if you think when you're involved in sexuality that you're not meditating, that's going to hurt your sexuality. If you don't practice Zen in your sexual life, you're going to have bad sex. If you don't practice Zen in your eating, you're going to have bad eating. I thought of this thing recently.

[38:02]

My wife said to me something about... Now, one of the main causes of overweight in America, one of the main causes of overweight is overeating. Not too surprising, right? But actually, they found that out, that one of the main causes of being overweight is overeating. And there's two kinds of overeating. One is an overeating that's kind of genetic. Some people can't... they can't tell when they've eaten enough. But another kind of overeating, which is more common, is due to eating too fast. So generally speaking, when you eat too fast, you overeat. And I was thinking, well... I think there's three causes of overeating, or put it positively, there's three conditions for not overeating.

[39:10]

So the negative way is the three conditions for... Did I say overeating? Overweight. Yeah, for overweight. The three causes for being overweight are overeating, not practicing Zen, and living in America. If you practice Zen, that will help you not overeat because it will help you slow down and pay attention and a bunch of other good stuff. The other problem is you've got to move out of America or like move to Zen Center or something because in America the food is such that unless you don't finish your dinner, which you're supposed to do if you're practicing Zen, the portions are so big you're going to get fat. So in a recent one-day sitting, I read the comparisons of European and American portions.

[40:14]

A truffle in Paris, I think, weighs... I forgot what it was, but I think it was a quarter of an ounce. And a truffle in San Francisco at Joseph Smith's is 1.4 ounces. it's 50 calories versus 240 and and everything's like just all of our portions are just so huge compared to like you know europe or who knows where else so they compare these these different dishes even mcdonald's in paris in london i think it's in london even mcdonald's in london has much smaller portions like you can get a 40 I think a 42 ounce thing in the biggest drink is 42 ounces and like a 16 in London or something. Anyway, just like it's really hard to not be overweight and live in this country unless you like live at a Zen center where they give you, you know, smaller portions or cook at home all the time.

[41:22]

So sexuality, eating, all those precepts, they need to be conjoined with meditation and renunciation in order to really work. In meditation, again, you don't do meditation for yourself. You don't do it for the other person. you do it for the whole works of our true relationships. Sexuality also, you don't do for yourself, you don't do for others, you do for the whole works. As a bodhisattva, you do it for the whole world. The bodhisattva aspires to learn how to practice with sexuality in a way that benefits the whole world. And that way doesn't mean, you know,

[42:31]

anything other than practicing it with this renunciation, with no grasping and seeking, then your sexual life, your sexual experiences joined with that kind of practice become the realization of that precept and benefit the whole world. Because you tap into the actual relationship that you have not only with each other, but with everybody else. Well, maybe that's enough. I hope not too much. Any comments? Patty?

[43:33]

Would it be appropriate to say that the way of dealing with mistakes is not to grasp them as well? Did you say appropriate? I think it would be appropriate and would also be correct. In other words, when a mistake arises, relate to it the same way that you would relate to anything else. It's a phenomenon, a mistake. So what do you do? You meet it. You don't deny it. You don't say, I didn't make a mistake. That wasn't me. You just say, okay, mistake, hello. Welcome. Welcome. Not, I like to make mistakes. Not, I don't like to make mistakes. Maybe you don't like to. Maybe you do like to. I don't know. That's not the point. You just say, welcome, mistake, period. And when a mistake is met and recognized as a mistake, that's the best way to deal with a mistake.

[44:47]

And when a mistake is recognized as a mistake, period, the wheel of the Dharma turns. If a Buddha makes a mistake, the Buddha makes a mistake. And the Buddha knows it, and the Buddha doesn't lie about it, and the Buddha doesn't blow it up bigger or make it smaller. Just period. That is meditation. That is precepts. That is giving. That is patience, and that is enthusiasm. And then wisdom also is there because you're not grasping anything about this. You might even be wrong. It might not really be a mistake. But anyway, you just say, I recognize that as a mistake. But you don't grasp that that's true. You say, this seems to be happening, okay?

[45:52]

This seems to be a mistake. This seems to be a truffle. This seems to be sexuality. Basically, deal with whatever comes the same practice. Renunciation, wisdom, compassion. And we have this practice of confession that goes with the precepts. So, when we receive the precepts, before we receive the precepts, we practice confession. And in a formal ceremony, after we practice confession, we're asked by the preceptor, will you continue this practice even after realizing Buddhahood? And again, when I first thought of it, I thought, well, why would a Buddha have to practice confession? So according to that ceremony, it sounds like Buddhists still make mistakes, still have something to confess. Maybe they don't, but...

[46:54]

If you have something to confess, you're going to even confess it after you're a Buddha, not to mention before. So after receiving the precepts, like the precepts of not taking what's not given, not misusing sexuality, and you also say, in the future I'll continue that practice of confession, so then you receive the precepts knowing that you may need to confess that you're not in accord with these precepts, and you're going to. That's your intention. You want to practice the precepts, but you know you might not. Okay? Elena? Could you speak up, please? So automatically... You can't conceive of how to live without expectations.

[48:00]

Well, I think it might be good to try to conceive of it, to use your imagination and try to imagine, if not you, try to imagine somebody else that lives without expectations. Just try to imagine somebody living without expectations. What would that be like? Imagine, how could you be just there and ready for what's happening without expecting something? How could you sit in this room right now without expecting anything? Do you expect anything? Do you expect the ceiling to not fall in? I don't know. Do you expect anything right now? Do you expect the class to end pretty soon? Do you expect something? Do you? What is it? What do you expect? Hmm? Huh? What? Yeah, well, anybody.

[49:00]

Does anybody expect anything right now? You expect it to move? Okay. So if it sits still, will that, like, totally shock you? It'd be interesting. Well, that's pretty good. That would be interesting. But let's say you have this expectation, oh, this is a bug that you don't particularly want to move towards you. Is that by any chance the kind of bug it is? Yeah. Is it one of those long ones with lots of legs? It's got a few. It's got a few. Well, did you expect me to pass you this piece of paper to let her walk onto? Oh, great. Yeah. Can I... You can pass it over here. I'll take care of it. I just want to tell you this. I happen to know these type of bugs. And these bugs do not bite or anything like that. Yeah, this is a fine bug.

[50:01]

This is not a problem bug. There's quite a few of them in California. Huh? Does your wife worry about you sometimes? Does she worry about me? I think if I'm not, you know, taking... I think she worries when I'm not, like, taking care of something. Like, you know, if there's some problem between you and me and I'm ignoring it, then she might start worrying. But if we have a problem and I'm taking care of it, then she's fine. I think she starts worrying when I'm not doing my job. But if I'm on the ball, she doesn't worry too much.

[51:05]

Are you worried about me? I'm worried about you when I saw your eye tonight. Grab at me expectations. Well, when I saw my eye, when I felt it, it hurt. And then when I saw the effects, I felt a little embarrassed, you know, to have this thing. And I wasn't going to wear sunglasses to class. And then take them off. I realize it's nice to have sunglasses when you have ugly eyes. I have a little beret, too, to go with it. pardon did this well actually in some ways is more embarrassing and you know I had this I I now I had its expectation that's going to go away pretty soon because actually it is but it has gone he was really popped up much more before so now I kind of expect that it's going to go away someday

[52:20]

But you know, what I'm talking about is like, let go of that expectation and be ready for this thing to like stay. And not be, you know, super, super, super happy when it goes and I'm cute again. Pardon? Well, again, in that case, too, I would say, let go of the worry, okay? Let go of the worry. That's not going to help you. The worry is not going to help you. So if you can't notice that you have expectations, then I would suggest... that you accept that you receive the fact, the information, that you don't seem to be able to even notice what you expect.

[53:28]

In other words, do not seek to be able to see what you expect. Don't seek that. If you're not seeking the revelation of your expectations, I would suggest to you that you're not seeking the revelation of your expectations will reveal your expectations. But if you're seeking, you know, to find out about your expectation, you're going to miss the expectations that are right under your nose. And most of us are seeking so much that we don't even notice our expectations. And we don't even notice that when we get upset a lot of the time, it's because of our expectations. But if you know your expectations, then you get to enjoy seeing how they work. Namely, you get to see how if you cling to them, you suffer, and if you let go of them, you're at peace. And that peacefulness, you're not doing that primarily to get the peacefulness for yourself, but that peacefulness will be something that you can use to encourage other people to let go of their expectations so that you can have a nice relationship where you're both letting go of your expectations and meeting free of that.

[54:44]

But if you're seeking for yourself to be able to spot your expectations so you can let them go, then that's going to make it harder for you to spot them. First of all, practice renunciation, and then you're going to get revelations of how non-renunciation works. In other words, as you practice renunciation, you're going to be able to see how much trouble it is when you do cling and seek. So last Sunday at Green Gulch, they had a children's lecture. On first Sunday of the month, they give a kids program. And the kids come sometimes. And this last Sunday, I was giving a talk. So the kids came. And I talked to the kids. As I was walking out of the house to come to the talk, I just happened to have my grandson in my arms, and I was going to put him down to go to the talk because his mother wanted to go to San Francisco.

[55:54]

So she didn't particularly want him to go to the kids' program because they'd be late. But anyway, he didn't want me to put him down, so I took him with me, and I said, come down and get him at 10.30. It was just a short talk with the kids. So I brought him with me. And as I was walking in, I saw some of the other parents and I said, I don't know what's going to happen with this kid because, you know, I had no sense of how I was going to control him because I had to give the talk, right? And I didn't have somebody else to take care of him. So I really went into that talk with, and they said to me, These other parents, they said, don't worry about it. It's okay, whatever he does. So I felt like I didn't have to have any expectations of him. I'll just be with him without expectations. See what happens. So anyway, you know, we went in to my office, which is outside the lecture hall.

[57:03]

And I was carrying him, and I wanted to put him down so I could put my robe on. And he wouldn't let me put him down. So then I got down on the ground, and then he let me put him down. And I said, let me put the robe on, OK? And he let me put the robe on. And then somebody made me a cup of Japanese tea, which is the kind of powdered tea that you whisk. and it's kind of frothy. So I picked it up, and he came over and wanted to drink some of it. So I held it with two hands and held it up to his face and started tilting it towards his face, and he went... And I drank a little bit, and then he came over to try to get some more, and I tilted it toward him and went... We did that three times. He didn't have any, but he kept trying to drink it. And then it was time for the talk. So he started walking into the hall, and he started running outside, and I said, come here. He came back, and I picked him up, and I carried him in, in my left arm, holding my little staff that I carried in my right hand.

[58:06]

I came up to the altar. holding him, and gave the staff away and took the incense and offered incense, stick incense, and offered potter incense with him in my arm. He's right there looking at this. I didn't expect this to happen. I didn't expect him to be this way, but this is the way it was. He just sat there in my arms quietly while I was doing this incense offering. And then it came time to bow, so I put him down. He didn't want me to put him down. I said, let me put you down. I didn't expect him to let me do it, but he did. I took out the bowing cloth, which I bow on, and I tried to put it out. He started walking on it. And I said, you know, would you back off? Go over here a little bit like that so I can open this. And he let me open it. And he stood in front of me. And I bowed to the Buddha and him. And he stood there and received my three bows. And so did Buddha. And so did the Bodhisattva of Infinite Wisdom. They all received my bows. I didn't expect any of this.

[59:09]

Well, then after I got up, then he went like this to me. And now he didn't bow like this, but now he puts his hands like this, kind of like this. And he goes like this. And he bends his knees, too, when he does it. Yeah, it's like... And then the next thing happened, which I didn't expect. I said, come on now. I was going to go up to my seat in the front. I said, come on. And I started walking. He's walking behind me. And I turned around. And he had picked up my bowing cloth and said, you know, did you forget this? And he picked it up just like a priest picks it up when they pick it up to move it. Just exactly, you know. And it was, well, you know, ladies and gentlemen, this is like a sales pitch for no expectations. Because I had no expectations, that little guy. And that was one of the greatest moments of my life, is to see that little person pick that thing up and go, huh.

[60:15]

And this was in the realm of no expectations. I was going to be with him, whatever he did, but it wasn't like he had to do this or that. I was going to try to do some stuff, but I didn't expect to be able to do it, necessarily. I didn't expect to be able to offer incense. I didn't expect that he would be able to stay in my left arm I didn't expect that he would be quiet and watch me do that. I didn't expect that he would bow. I didn't have any expectation. I just was going to try some stuff and see what happened. And I felt like it was going to be okay. You know? And then I went up and sat down. You were there, right? I went up and sat down and got up and crossed my legs, adjusted my robes, and he got up, you know, I didn't tell him what to do. He got up and sat next to me. And he started playing with the microphone. So I didn't know what he was going to do.

[61:18]

He's in a very, you know, he likes to throw things all over the place, you know. I picked up the microphone and put it on. I thought he might pull it off me. I didn't expect him to or not expect him to. I was ready for him to take this microphone away from me. And maybe, you know, interact with him around that a little bit, but I had no expectation. And he didn't pull it off. So then I started talking to the other, we did the chant, and I started talking to the other kids about bowing. And we sang the Red Red Robin. And during the whole time, he just sat there, cross-legged, next to me. With perfect posture. I mean, he has perfect posture, totally upright and relaxed. Just boom. Sitting there looking out at 300 people. And of course, no one was looking at me. I had a little expectation that they'd look at me. I was expecting that maybe they'd hear my talk. But they were looking at him while I was talking.

[62:21]

And he was sitting like this. He was sitting like this with his little shoes on. And his grandmother came down at 10.30 and saw him sitting there next to me. And then she went and got his mother. His mother came in there and she looked and she said, saw her son sitting there on the meditation sit, just sitting there. She couldn't believe it. But I must... This is like no expectation. This is what happens when you have no expectation. You get to see creation. And sometimes it doesn't always go this way. Sometimes it goes that way. But anyway, sometimes maybe you have to ask, is it okay if I don't have expectations? Maybe you need to be in some situation where you can say, is it okay if I have no expectation of my kid, if I just sort of stay close but don't try to control him or her?

[63:29]

And somebody says, yeah. Yeah, and then when the other kids started leaving, he got up and sat on my lap and put his head on my shoulder, and his mother came and picked him up. His mother noticed that I didn't, I can't hear the microphone. His mother said that over the microphone, I said, Bye, Maceo. And then he put his mouth over the microphone and went... And his mother said, now everybody thinks, so here's his mother coming to take him away from the Dharma. I did I didn't and anyway I just it was like to me it was just it was it was a very very great moment in my life just a glimpse of the light of reality that happens when you like you're there but kind of letting it go, you know, and with somebody who was like, he was, he wasn't trying to like, he had no expectation either.

[64:38]

He didn't think, oh, I'm going to go in that room. He'd never been in that room before. He said, I'm going to go in that room and I'm going to be quiet or I'm going to fight or I'm going to run around the room, you know, or I'm going to cry when he offers incense or I'm going to offer incense. Neither one of us knew what was going to happen. I was going to try some stuff. He was going to try some stuff. And we did this thing together, which was, you know, now the hard thing is just to let go of that. Just nothing that will never happen again. Just forget it. He'll probably never sit next to me again. Maybe he will. Maybe he won't. I got to, like, let go of that and see what the next thing will be. And I just highly recommend... We practice this way. Together. Bow together, walk together, sit together, offer incense together, eat together, sleep together, do all these things with no grasping or seeking. And then we'll get a glimpse of what life can be.

[65:43]

In the little moments, you know, little moments where people like offer you little things But in this space of creativity where it's possible, right here on Earth, it can happen. And I've never seen anything better than that, than that moment where he just took that cloth and handed it to me. I've never seen anything sweeter, kinder, less premeditated, Just there it was. And I got to be nearby. And so did some other people. It was great. Many people got to see it. It was great. But I didn't want to take him to the talk because, you know, his mother wanted to take him away. And so I thought, you know, so I kind of wanted him to come because the other kids were going to come. And I was going to talk about this bowing, you know.

[66:45]

which is a very nice thing to teach children, bowing, to teach them to bow to things. So I was going to talk about that. And part of the reason why I was going to talk about it is because he went to Tassajara with me a couple weeks ago, and when he came back from Tassajara, the monastery the Zen Center has, and after he came back home, his mother called me on the phone and said, your grandson has developed this alarming habit of putting his hands together and bowing before... everything he eats so I have no expectation he's going to continue this practice or if I do I'm giving it up but I really don't I don't expect it to continue but if I notice that coming up I'm going to try to let go of it and let him become a non-bowing grandson you know Hey, man. What's up, Gramps?

[67:49]

Or whatever, you know. I want to, like, have no expectations. I want to give up my expectations of him. And I hope I always remember what I got for giving it up at that time. That should be a great encouragement to me to continue to accept what he becomes rather than want him to stay this nice one and a half year old that sits cross-legged next to me. On the other hand, maybe he will keep sitting cross-legged next to me. Maybe he'll go to the monastery with me and sit next to me for years and years and become my disciple. They keep teasing me about that. Because my daughter was totally uninterested in Zen. But he seems to be interested in it. This is just a big trap that Buddha is setting for me. Will you try to get this guy? So maybe I'll fall for it, but I'm alert to my... I'm on guard against this trap.

[69:02]

So, you know, we're geared to grip and seek around sexuality, and we're geared, I think, if you're a teacher, you're geared to grip and seek a disciple. Teachers want to find an ideal disciple. There's a tendency to seek the perfect disciple, like somebody else seeks the perfect mate. So these are things which we're prone to do. But if we go with that seeking and grasping, we distract ourselves from the radiance of our meetings. It's easy to grasp and seek. That's our habit. So we have to practice renunciation in order to not go that easy way and miss what's being offered to us in all these different realms and all these different practices. in all these different relationships. Anything else you want to bring up tonight?

[70:16]

Well, then we can end unexpectedly early.

[70:22]

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