Pretty much, I feel that this group of people has grieved itself into the present. The sadness and tears and grief, you had pretty well let go of your past. And I've almost caught up to what's happening. So I feel now more I can be myself. And you can be yourself. Over the years that I've been practicing in this life, I've tried quite a bit of different methods and techniques practices, and I've studied somewhat widely.

[01:07]

I've been very fortunate that this sangha has supported me and given me housing and clothes and let me spend a lot of time studying. I haven't been able to study in detail, of course, all aspects of Buddhist teaching, but I've been able to study a lot. Also, I study very slowly, so that's another reason why I can't cover much material. But I've been able to go into some depth so that I've been able to, over the years, deepened my love for this teaching. And also, I've always had the opportunity through the whole time at Benedictine Center to do quite a bit of meditation and to discuss with people their practice. So, as I said, I've tried and seen many people trying various techniques.

[02:16]

At this point in my life, if someone were to ask me how I practice, I guess I could say the way I practice is I just sit. But actually, I've pretty much given up all techniques, although I occasionally try them just for fun. And I often talk to people about how to do them. And when I talk to people about how to do them, I get into them while I'm talking to them. And then I stay with somebody while they're practicing some particular technique and they check back with me and I enjoy it. It's a joy for me to see them learn these techniques and trying them and enjoying them and benefiting from them. So I have vicarious thrill of various kinds of Buddhist techniques that some of you are doing. And my practice is While I embrace all these techniques, basically, even while I'm embracing them, really what I'm always doing is I'm just sitting there.

[03:29]

Of course, I get distracted and lazy and don't remember that I'm just sitting there sometimes. But I have to admit that that's basically what I'm always doing. And that's basically how it is. And that's basically what I believe in. However, I know that such a practice is pretty unbelievable to most people. Therefore, I'm happy to give any number of techniques I've heard about. And I'm even willing for you to practice techniques I haven't heard about. Fine. As long as they're wholesome and not wholesome, I'll let you do it. And sometimes, just because I project that people can't stand my boring practice, I sometimes bring in techniques and offer them. And whenever I do, I get lots of positive feedback. People always like it when I give them something to work on other than just being where they are.

[04:37]

So just to be popular, I occasionally bring in techniques. As a matter of fact, from the beginning of the session, I was going to give you a technique. And this technique is a technique taught by our dear Lord Buddha. But I haven't been able to bring it up yet because I don't want to mislead you. But now I feel like with a little bit of clarification, I can start giving you techniques. As a matter of fact, I was going to give you a technique this morning during the first period as I was in, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. And then I was going to read during breakfast. I had a sutra in my heart, so to speak. I actually had a sutra book in my robe right here. And I was going to open it and read it to you.

[05:40]

But I didn't do it because... It's not our style to read you sutras during breakfast. When I visited Christian monasteries, they had scriptural reading during meals, particularly during lunch. They read the stuff, and it's really nice. It's kind of like reading a newspaper while you're eating. You get the food and information about various wonderful topics read by lovely Christian monks. It's really a good idea. However, although it might be an improvement over our usual style, the fact that we do things over and over and over and over in some ways is worth more to us than the improvements we might make. So we can often think of improvements over our chance and so on. But the fact that we've been saying this stuff over and over, and the fact that we've been eating this way now for centuries and at Zen Center now for 30 years, although we can improve this stuff, the improvement, you know, anyway, I put the book back.

[06:53]

I thought, although it would be lovely and educational, I thought the dignity of the meal was surpassed this little thing I could say. Even though it was a scripture, I thought of Abraham Lincoln. The world would little note and long remember what I say here today, but it will never forget the way you're eating breakfast. The dignity of our practice far surpasses even Buddhist teaching. So I didn't read it. But now it's time I'm going to read it to you, sort of. Again, it's a teaching by the Buddha. And it's from a sutra called, what's it called? It's called Anapanasati Sutta.

[07:57]

The scripture on full awareness of breathing, taught by our Indian founder. Somewhere in the scripture, he says, oh, Bhikshus, which sometimes would mean monks, or I like to say yogis, oh, yogis, the method of full awareness of breathing, the method of being fully aware of breathing, if developed and practiced continuously, will have great rewards and bring great advantages. It will lead to success in practicing the four foundations of mindfulness. If the method of the four foundations of mindfulness is developed and practiced continuously, it will lead to success in the practice of the seven limbs of awakening. If the seven wings of awakening are developed and practiced continuously, it will lead to understanding and liberation of mind.

[09:16]

In other words, Awakening, in other words, Buddha. Did you hear what I said? Do you remember it? The method of full awareness of breathing, if developed and practiced continuously, will what then? What will happen if you practice the method and develop the method of full awareness of breathing continuously? What will happen? No, you missed something. It will bring what? It will bring great reward and great benefit. Okay?

[10:20]

Remember that part? Now, If you practice full awareness of breathing, if you develop it and practice it continuously, it will lead to success in the practice of what? Four foundations of mindfulness. The four foundations of mindfulness. And if you practice the four foundations of mindfulness, continuously in development, it will lead to success in the practice of the seven wings of awakening. And if you practice continuously and develop the seven wings of awakening, it will lead to awakening. It will lead to liberation and understanding. Okay?

[11:21]

So, any questions about that? You don't know the seven wonders of awakening. Do you know the four foundations of mindfulness? Well, I'll tell you about them later. Okay? Now, The thing I want to point out right away is that the Buddha is saying, if you do this, it will lead to certain benefits, certain advantages, which I completely agree with. And then you'll be able to do these practices, which will lead to other benefits, other advantages, finally leading to the greatest benefit, the greatest advantage. which is finding that you don't need any advantage anymore because you're Buddha.

[12:29]

So the perspective of our practice in Zen is not that these practices don't bring benefit, but that most people, if they start doing these practices, will naturally do them dualistically. In other words, they will do them in order to get benefit and advantages. They will do them in order to attain Buddhahood. OK? Normal human thing to do. And that's why I only do these practices myself as a sport, as for fun, because I don't want to get into doing them to get something. But if you want to do them to give something, I'll help you.

[13:32]

Meantime, I'll be just sitting there with you, and that'll be that. The fruit of these practices is Buddha. The practice of Zen is, rather than to do a practice which produces Buddha, is to start from Buddha and then practice. So rather than do a practice which causes the fruit, we do what we call fruit practice. We start from the end, and we keep practicing And we do the practices which some other people do in order to produce a fruit.

[14:41]

So although a Zen practitioner starts from awakening and goes forward from there, a Zen practitioner should learn all these practices which are said to lead to an awakening. This is an urgent matter, but don't be in a hurry, otherwise you'll fall on your face. It'll take a long time for us to study all these practices which lead to awakening. But we should actually do them eventually. In the Prajnaparamita Sutras, in the Sutras of the Gentle Buddha's Perfect Wisdom, it says that an enlightening being A being who practices with no gaining idea should practice the four foundations of mindfulness, which are the foundation of mindfulness of body, the foundation of mindfulness of fear, the foundation of mindfulness

[16:00]

of mind and the foundation of mindfulness of dharma, or the laws of the mind. You should practice those four foundations. In order to practice those four foundations, you should first practice mindfulness of posture and breathing so that you'll be successful at those practices. And the first foundation of mindfulness, that is of the body, of course includes mindfulness of the body, mindfulness of the breath. You should then practice the four, what I call the four right efforts. You should then practice the four powers. You should then practice the five cardinal virtues. You should then practice the seven wings of enlightenment. You should then practice the Eightfold Noble Path. You should then practice the six paramitas.

[17:04]

You should then practice the ten modes of the circle means. And on and [...] on until you reach the 18 special Buddhadhanas, 18 special practices of a Buddha. You should do all these practices. And you should do all these practices through non-apprehension. That's what it says. You should do all these practices without grasping them, without making them into an object, without making them a chord, without making them anything you do. You should do all these practices with no gaining idea. In other words, you should do these practices just like the Buddha who's telling you to do them would do them. The Buddha does these practices, but the Buddha does not do these practices in order to attain Buddhahood. The Buddha does these practices just because the Buddha feels like doing them.

[18:09]

The Buddha is already Buddha, and therefore the Buddha practices. If you do these practices and you don't believe you're Buddha, and you do these practices in order to become Buddha, you're just simply going backwards. from Buddha, which is called going forward, in your usual way. You're actually continuing your usual karmic direction. However, even if you do that, it's okay because it's a wholesome karmic direction. So we don't forbid people from doing these practices. And several people have come and confessed that they're doing practices like this with a gaining idea. In other words, they're practicing dualistically. However, still, even though we do practice dualistically sometimes with a gaining idea, we are still admonished to try to do these practices without that gaining idea, because that's all Buddha does.

[19:13]

Call forth as much as you can of love, of respect, and of faith. Remove all obstructing requirements Clear away all your taints. Remove the obstructing defilements means do these practices, but through non-apprehension. Do these practices without an object, without trying to get anything from them. Even though they do bring benefit, do them without trying to bring benefit. Remove that obstacle. Remove the obstacle of separating yourself from Buddha. And remove the obstacle of making yourself the same as Buddha. Don't identify with Buddha, that's an obstacle. Don't separate from Buddha, that's an obstacle. Remove that stuff and just sit. And when you're just sitting, you can do the Four Foundations of Mindfulness. You can even get classes on the Four Foundations of Mindfulness. You can write books about the Four Foundations of Mindfulness.

[20:18]

You can read books about the Four Foundations of Mindfulness. You can do anything. through non-approvention. Just like a Buddha can do anything. A strange heroic spirit who was basically willing to be themselves, to be herself or himself. And if you're willing to do that, then please study all these techniques. Test your faith to see if you can study these things that bring benefit without slipping into grasping for the benefit. Don't just stay away from them. They're wholesome. They won't hurt you if you practice them unless you apprehend them.

[21:24]

Then they'll hurt you. Do you remember Huyo Dokai? He went to his teacher, Tosu Bise, and he said, The sayings and doings of the Buddhas are like everyday affairs. Is there anything else they do to help people? Tosu said, Do the commands of the emperor in his own realm depend on the authority of the ancient kings? You tell me. Can you answer that question without apprehending anything, without reaching for the answer? When the teacher asked you that question, could you just answer without reaching for the answer? Just a second. I've got an answer for you. If you apprehend the answer, what did he do? He hits you with his whisk and says, the minute you decided to come here,

[22:29]

The minute you thought here was someplace other than where you are, the minute you thought you were going to get something from me, the minute you thought you'd get something from Buddhism, you deserved a beating. At that, Dōkai was awakened. He bowed, but now his bow was not to get anything. Now his bow was just a bow. finally he was willing to bow without getting paid for it, without it having any meaning other than just bowing. This is Buddhism. And then he walked off, and his teacher said, wait a minute, come here. He didn't even turn around. He just kept walking straight ahead. Again, his teacher called out, have you reached the realm where there's no doubt?

[23:36]

He covered his ears. For Buddha, no Buddha should come in the ear. If Buddha comes in your ear, it's going to make you sick. If Buddha comes in your eye, it's going to make you sick. So before I read you this wonderful teaching about breathing, are you okay? Yes. What's the difference between wandering mind and non-apprehension? Wandering mind is something which you can apprehend or not apprehend.

[24:46]

Wandering mind is like the poor foundations of mindfulness. You can have a wandering mind and not apprehend it, and then it's just wandering mind. You can also take poor foundation of mindfulness and apply them to a wandering mind in such a way that you don't apprehend the wandering mind, and you don't apprehend the practices of studying that wandering mind. One of the foundations of mindfulness is called citta smriti upasthami, the foundation of mindfulness of consciousness or of mind. And one of the things that you do in that practice is you say, this is a wandering mind. But you can say that without grasping it. You can just say, this is a wandering mind. You can just say, this is Catherine.

[25:49]

Or you can grasp Catherine, and you can grasp wandering mind, and you can grasp that foundation mindfulness. You can just say, wandering mind, wandering mind, wandering mind, wandering mind. It is a song of a Buddha. What do you think a Buddha sees when a Buddha sees a wandering mind? A Buddha just sees a wandering mind. A Buddha doesn't say, hey, I'm a Buddha. I'd better not be seeing a wandering mind, unless it's somebody else's. Buddha can see a wandering mind. No problem for a Buddha. That's why it's good to be a Buddha. Wandering minds don't kill you anymore. We poor Zen monks tire of even watching white ox on open ground. We don't even study... or look at or turn towards the rootless auspicious grass. What is the rootless auspicious grass?

[26:54]

What's the grass? Huh? Speak up. Illusions. What? Yeah, food for the ox. Right. The ox eats grass. What's grass? Grass is illusion. What's illusion? All phenomena are grass. We don't look at the grass. We don't even look at the rootless grass. What's a rootless grass? It's the grass which is marked by impermanence, ill, and not self. We don't even look at that. What do we do? How do we spend our day? Let's hear it. Yeah, what else do you call that? Jerome, what do you call that? Well, he didn't get the reference, but one time we said, let's hear it, Jerome. And he said, Buddha. What do Buddhists do all day?

[27:59]

They do Buddha. They don't even look at it. But there are wonderful practices called looking at. Watch that white ox, man. That is a great practice on an open ground. Just look at that white ox. He is great. What's the white ox doing? It's eating grass. What kind of grass? Rootless grass. Grass that has no self, has no permanence, and has no pleasure. This is a characteristic of all phenomena which the Buddha taught. We don't even look at that. Our great teacher, Seigen Gyoshi, went to the sixth patriarch and said, how can I avoid falling into steps and stages? Why is he worried about falling into steps and stages, folks? Huh? Because he's human. Because he's human, yeah. And human beings have a tendency to fall into steps and stages. But why would anyone not want to fall into steps and stages? Huh? Huh? for fear of apprehending them.

[29:03]

Falling into them means apprehending them. There are steps and stages, you know. As a matter of fact, you know what dokai means? It means stages on the path. His name means stages on the path. He wants to, all Zen monks want to know, how can I avoid falling into these stages? There are stages. The point is, don't apprehend them. The point is, run up and down those stages, ride the escalator of Buddhist practice, but through non-apprehension, which means sometimes you walk down and backwards. You ever try that? It's fun. I walk up to when they're coming down at you. You ever do that? Yeah? I'm worried about comprehending instead of apprehending. Pardon? I'm worried about comprehending. Same thing. You can comprehend wandering mind.

[30:04]

Don't apprehend that. Comprehension, don't apprehend that. You can comprehend all you want. No problem. You can wander all you want. No problem. The point is, if you can let the mind be as it is, let the body be as it is, you should do it. Of course, that's not doing anything. But you should do that as though you were doing something. Let me finish the story. He says, how can I avoid falling into steps and stages? The ancestor says, well, what have you been doing? He says, I haven't even been practicing the first noble truth. In other words, I haven't even been practicing the four foundations of mindfulness, which is a kind of basic practice. So the teacher said, well, if you haven't been practicing the four foundations of mindfulness, what steps and stages could you have fallen into? And the guy says, well, if I hadn't been practicing the four foundations of mindfulness, what steps would I have fallen into?

[31:08]

I couldn't have fallen into any. But that doesn't mean you have to be as radical as him. You can practice the four foundations of mindfulness. Just don't fall into them. And later, after he graduated from the Zen course, he had to go back to school and learn those foundations of mindfulness. So if you look at the story of numbers and monks, after they had attained awakening and finished with their teacher, the teacher sent them to a kind of Buddhist university where they learned all this stuff in order to be teachers. But they knew how to study Buddhism without falling into it at that time. Then Buddhism was really a playground for them. It was their home. It wasn't something they were trying to get from somebody else. Yes? Has Buddha's mind ever wandered? Has Buddha's mind ever wandered? If your mind wanders, Buddha's mind wanders. Does your mind wander?

[32:09]

Buddha's there wandering with you. Think Buddha would abandon you if you started wandering? Yeah, Buddha's a sweetheart. Buddha doesn't abandon anyone. Buddha goes wherever you go. Buddha goes with you. No matter what you do, Buddha's there. He's got the old words in his hands. What is a grasp? What? What is a grasp? What's a grasp? A grasp is basically a belief that something has some inherent nature. A grasp is that you don't have deep faith in cause and effect. And we can go on the net and the shot. How about you? What do you think grasp is?

[33:11]

What? Yeah, you can't grasp the grasp either. But you can think you do. And swing from thing to thing. So what is the way to develop the practice of continuously being fully aware of breathing so that the practice will bring reward and great benefit? It is like this, monks. The practitioner goes into the forest to the foot of a tree or to a deserted place. Now, do you think this is a forest, a deserted place on the foot of a tree? You don't think so? You're such a good student. She doesn't think so. Because this is not her idea of a forest, right? Or this is not her idea of a deserted place.

[34:15]

Or this is not her idea of a foot of a street. So maybe Buddha should have said, or a zendo, a 300-page street. Then you would know that this was the place, right? Ladies and gentlemen, I propose to you that this room is a deserted place. When we leave, it's deserted. They don't use it for anything else. Nobody breaks in here or steals anything. It's deserted. It's a useless room. That's why we come into this deserted place. This is a forest here, surrounded by wild animals. This is a forest surrounded by wild, dangerous, and violent creatures, some made of steel and rubber. You have to watch out for them. But death rate in this jungle, in this forest, is higher than in almost any other jungle in the world.

[35:24]

Do you know that the only death from an animal in Yosemite Park in 100 years is from a deer? And that was when some child was feeding a deer, an old deer, and tried to get the food back. The bears have never killed anyone. The mountain lions have never killed anyone. How many people in the last few years have been killed in this neighborhood? Many. This is a dangerous forest here. And that's where we're sitting, right in a dangerous forest. And what do we do there? We cross our legs, sit up straight, and sit still. Cross your legs, sit still in the lotus position, holding your body straight. And then what? Breathing in, she knows she's breathing in. Breathing out, she knows she's breathing out.

[36:33]

That's basically it. If you're just sitting, it's not a big problem while you're sitting to happen to notice that you're breathing in when you're breathing in. As a matter of fact, if you're just sitting, it's very difficult to avoid noticing and knowing that you're breathing in when you're breathing in because you're not doing anything else. So it's kind of like you're sitting there and suddenly this breath comes. It's like, breath. It's not like you sit there and say, no, I'm supposed to be following my breath. Where is it? If you follow the breath, if you follow what you think is your breathing, that's not your breathing anyway. What's concentration? What's concentration? It's another illusion. It's like golf.

[37:34]

And bodhisattvas should practice concentration and golf. with all sentient beings, but all that through non-apprehension. Okay? Are you practicing golf? Are you practicing concentration? Are you practicing concentration through non-apprehension? You don't know? Well, that's close. As you get more skillful at concentration, you might think you know more. But be careful. Nobody knows what concentration is. Why doesn't anybody know what concentration is? Because concentration has no inherent nature. Therefore, you cannot really know it. All the Buddhas in ten directions and three times don't know what concentration is.

[38:37]

And if you know what concentration is, that means you have apprehended it, which is quite a feat. But it is a poison. Also, golf is the same. No Buddha knows what golf is. But they practice golf constantly. And those buttons I like. Some of you are too young. I like Ike. We used to wear those buttons. I like Ike. Ike used to play golf. Raphael, do you know who Ike is? Ike. Ike is the American general.

[39:41]

The American general. General? Yes. Army general. Yes. Dwight Eisenhower. Yes, I know. We call him Ike. Ike, yes. I did not understand that. You speak about black. So when I was a little boy, we had these buttons that we wore, which said, I like Ike. When I met in Germany with Thor, American soldiers and officers. At first, I didn't understand that they are American. I knew that before in front of me came a British army. And when I met with them, they said, we're American. I did not understand.

[40:43]

So I played golf. And I think he played through non-imprevention. So you just sit, okay? And while you're sitting, I say don't sit and then try to be aware of your breathing. I say just sit. And I say test your just sitting to see if you are awake to your breathing. But if you want to try to be aware of your breathing, that's okay. No problem. It's dualistic, but it's okay to do it. It's better to practice like a Buddha. Just be Buddha. Buddha knows that you're breathing in and breathing out.

[41:44]

Just be Buddha sitting there and you'll notice that Buddha knows. You don't have to make yourself know. Yes? I'm really sad because I just realized how much I hate golf. I hate golf. It's the most ridiculous game I've ever seen in my life. What am I going to do? The reason why you hate it is because you practice it with apprehension. If you practice it through non-apprehension, you will be able to go into the golf course and save all sentient beings. That's why bodhisattvas do not apprehend, because if you apprehend, you can only play the sports you like. Still, you get in trouble. by doing that too. But the problem with apprehension is that you can't go and say sentient beings in the areas which are not aesthetically your cup of tea.

[42:51]

So you name it, we all have certain people who we really don't want to have tea with, right? But if you practice non-apprehension, you can have tea with all sentient beings. You can have fun with everybody. You can even go into the golf course. It doesn't mean you have to play like other boys. You know, you can do all kinds of different and interesting things when you're practicing non-hypertension. You can do it your way. Who knows what that might be? You might practice golf mostly in the club lounge. Some other people might practice mostly shopping in the golf shop for new and interesting golfing outfits. There's no limit to the way you can play golf.

[43:56]

Okay? Unless you have a limited idea of what golf is, just as you have a limited idea of what a forest is, or what a tree is, or what Buddhism is. or what you are, or what breath is. Breath is not my idea of breath. That's why Buddhists are told to stop the breath. When the breath stops, when there's no breath, you understand what breath is. Breath is the same as no breath. Therefore, can we say, practice mindfulness of breathing. This is the logic of the Buddha, not the logic of us folks. So basically, that's it. about the word forward. And I think it's really justified to do it because it's a book about Zen. And what does Zen deal with?

[44:59]

It deals with what's right at hand, doesn't it? Not right with what you think is supposed to be at hand. At some great samadhi, it deals with perhaps a wandering mind, perhaps a golf ball. Yeah, I could. How do you spell four? F-O-R-E? F-O-R-E? I could explain to people that I discussed it with the song going on. They said I actually skipped over the words poor. Nobody else? George Burns. I have to go. You're talking about the words poor? Forward. You have to do it forward, and then you have to worry about forward. And then you have to practice it really hard. Okay, well, I'm looking on George Burns. Oh, this is going to be something.

[46:05]

I wonder if the publisher will accept it. It's a pretty dignified publisher. Okay, so now you're doing it, right? You're just sitting there, sitting still, and you're breathing, as usual, but you happen to notice that, that you're breathing, and when you're breathing in, you notice you're breathing in, and when you're breathing out, you notice you're breathing out. Then the Buddha says, breathing in long, he knows I'm breathing in long. Breathing out long, she knows I'm breathing out long. This is how to practice it. You want to hear the rest of this? Or you got the idea? Huh? Yes.

[47:08]

Some do, some don't. You don't. I want to attend. I want to talk today with some people. And I talk to the others. I think you got the idea. So there we are. Here we are. I couldn't speak. At last I understand that if I don't breathe, I breathe. I can't hear you.

[48:19]

It comes from every atom in your body. And in every atom of your body, there's a Buddha who says, just this, the way it is, is our practice. That's where it comes from. How is it developed and brought into full bloom? First of all, by confession. What do you confess? You confess every little thing you do where you don't believe that.

[49:20]

Everything you do where you don't believe that the way things are is what you're concerned with and that you have to improve it. You confess those things, and then you return to this Buddha in every cell of your body. And you return to the teaching of the Buddha, which says, just sit and realize your unborn Buddha mind. And you return to the group of people who are also doing this in their different ways. And then you give rise to the thought to attain and completely realize what you really are. And then you continue to sit and generate all kinds of positive energy which has no inherent existence and to dedicate that all to the benefit of other beings and grow this wonderful lotus.

[50:23]

which grows while you're sitting there not trying to get anything. Just sitting still, free of all gaining idea, doing all kinds of beautiful Buddhist practices, not apprehending anything, quietly this wonderful flower blooms. This flower is the beginning. This flower is the end. It starts with awakening and ends with awakening. Meantime, we walk through the grass and see all kinds of phenomena and get caught by apprehending. And when we get caught, again we confess, return home, plant the seed, and sit and walk get caught, confess, return, plant the seed, and sit.

[51:29]

That's the way we go. And if you're doing it right, it is all the way along the way. From the beginning, it's wonderful. It's a joy. It's bliss. In the middle, it's wonderful. It's a joy. It's bliss. And at the end, it's wonderful. It's joy. It's bliss. And you're not doing it any better than anybody else, and you're doing it with everybody else. And everybody else is more grass that you walk through and don't apprehend. And yet you hold hands with all these creatures. All of... Even the ones who are angry at you, who insult you, who think you're a creep, who spit in your face, who are ungrateful to you for your great bodhisattva dedication.

[52:35]

All of them. And because of non-apprehension, you can hold hands with all of them. What do you mean by holding hands? What do you mean by holding hands? I don't mean anything at all. But it can be just like every idea you have of holding hands, it can be like that. But it's not just what you think is holding hands. It means basically that when you see a suffering person and you feel uncomfortable when you see their suffering, you're so stupid that you just throw yourself into an embrace of them. Like my dog, Eric. Big, scary Doberman. He'd come up to people, and they'd be afraid of him. But he was too stupid to notice that they were afraid of him. Just walk right up to them and slap his head into their lap.

[53:42]

Now, you don't have to do it that way. You can do it any way you want. The point is to embrace all beings, to sustain all beings in whatever way comes to hand. If they offer you a foot, if they offer you a bleeding arm, if they offer you a nasty face, if they offer you a golf club. No matter what they offer you, you embrace them. And sometimes the way you embrace them is you say, please get that golf club out of my face. Not only is there no limit on what you embrace, there's no limit on how you embrace. By not apprehending, there's no rule about how you embrace and sustain beings. If you have a rule about how you embrace the sustained beings, that is another form of apprehension. Buddha is free of all rules, although Buddha gave rules to help us get free.

[54:53]

The rules Buddha gave, Buddha said, those rules are for you. They're not for me. I don't need him anymore. So we have a session schedule. It's a kind of a rule. It's a kind of a jungle gym for us to crawl on and play on, if possible, through non-apprehension. which means you follow it through non-apprehension, or you don't follow it through non-apprehension. So some people are trying to miss the schedule as a form of expression that only works if you do it through non-apprehension. And even then, even if you do it through non-apprehension, still some stupid authority figures may come and say, what are you doing?

[56:03]

because they may have to be apprehending what they think non-apprehension should look like. But that's just another opportunity to embrace an authority figure. So you understand Buddhism now? You probably do, pretty much. It's very simple. However, it is extremely difficult to embrace every single being you run into. As I say, some of them have the most horrific faces. And the face says, you wouldn't possibly be able to embrace this person. You couldn't embrace me, because I'm putting on a face that no one could embrace. And so you say, well, yeah, I guess I can.

[57:05]

But if you don't apprehend that face, you can laugh at it and do whatever you want. Kiss it, pinch it, run away, anything. Power and fear. Now, some people say, technically speaking, Buddha's never power and fear when they're presented with a horrific face. We have no stories of Buddhists curling up in a ball of gear when presented with horrible things. They all just sort of sit there kind of cool. Oh yeah? Go ahead, stab me. These are the very inspiring stories, aren't they? But still, the story's not over. We may have an example of a Buddha that's kind of shriveling up in fear at one of our places.

[58:10]

It may happen. It may get into the books even. Why did Danto scream when the robbers killed him? Well, because he said before he would. He said, when I die, there will be a great scream. And so when the robbers stabbed him, there was a great scream. They heard it for quite a distance, I understand. He predicted that he would do it. So he played out his own little theater sports. As the child once said, you know, Peace could be fun. It could be like a game. We have fixed ideas about what peace would be like or should be like.

[59:13]

We have fixed ideas about what awakening should be like. But it might be like a game. It might be like fun. It might be like golf. We all know. It might be like this sashimi. This very sashimi. This might be what awakening is like. With these... It might be. It might not be. So, you can find out just by... Just by seeing it. the non-apprehension. You can realize this and be certain. Today, again, was a celebration and also the sadness of remembering the death of our dear, sweet founder, Suzuki Roshi, who practiced buddhism up until 19 years ago.

[60:22]

On this day, December 4th, 19 years ago, during the first period of Zazen this morning, I was going to say it, but I didn't. We came in, and we were all sitting here, starting the first day of Sashin. That one started on December 4th. We operated since. And then over at that door, the door opened, and I knew what that door was opening for. Well, no, I didn't know. And Oksan stepped in the door, his wife, who still lives here in the building. Have you all seen her? Last night. Yeah. We opened the door at the door so we knew what that was about. We went out and see the girl. She had just died. So we went upstairs and took care of him and did his service and continued the session with our teacher upstairs. When we started sitting, he died. He was lying down. We were sitting. So I was going to tell you that this morning, but I felt like you're sitting here this period.

[61:33]

This is the life of Siddhartha Siddhartha carrying on. Tonight we'll do a memorial service portion upstairs, and we're going to do something a little unusual. We're going to, if you wish, if some of you wish, you may speak to Siddhartha Siddhartha. So if you want to speak, There will be a time when we'll say, do you want to speak to Susek Hiroshi? And at that time, you come up and stand in the middle of the room and address him. Don't talk too long, because if a lot of people talk, it'll get too tiring. Either we'll be standing and we'll get tired, or we'll be sitting and we'll get tired. And it's very important to have dinner on time. Anyway, if you'd like to talk, you may talk.

[62:36]

You may speak to some nutrition tonight. You may pay your respects in any case by attending the ceremony. And I'm not going to.

[62:56]

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