I acknowledge this great assembly with great appreciation. When I was setting up for this assembly, thinking of meeting you, a joy arose and The expression, a popular expression these days is, the expression, it never gets old. And I could also say, it hasn't gotten old yet. What hasn't got old? Seeing your faces. Meeting you and listening to you. I want to begin today by paying respects to a very important part of our life, which is that we are all fragile.

[01:29]

I've heard from the Buddhas, I've heard from our dear teacher Suzuki Roshi, that being mindful of our fragility is auspicious for those who wish to practice the Buddha way. being mindful that we are fragile. May I go so far as to say, not just auspicious, but necessary for those who wish to benefit the world. So, deep respect for being mindful of our fragility. And also even respect our fragility. And be generous with our fragility.

[02:46]

And be patient with our fragility. And be careful of our fragility. And the same for other people's fragility. Respect it. So, I don't see that this practice is about getting rid of fragility and making us into bulletproof robots. I think it's about appreciating and taking care of fragile beings. And again, for me to remember the fragility of this body and mind, to really be settled and generous and patient and careful with this fragility supports me being the same way with others and the same for you.

[03:53]

So that's my second offering. My first offering is to recognize the assembly and welcome the assembly and celebrate the assembly. My second offering is to celebrate being mindful and open to our fragility. My third offering is is to mention to you, which I think many of you know about, that I often meet people who tell me that although sometimes it's difficult for them to sit, when they do and after they do, they have a subtle sense, a deep but not necessarily explicit sense that the sitting meditation that they do, that sitting in stillness and silence, being upright in stillness and silence, they somehow feel is beneficial.

[05:07]

It has positive fruits for us to be still with a fragile, ever-changing body and mind. To not avoid it, to not grasp it, just be upright with it in sitting meditation, but also walking meditation and so on. Once again, many of you and others have told me that you feel that this practice is good medicine. It's not always sweet, it's often bitter, but it's medicinal. It helps us and supports us in our work to benefit beings, in our unceasing effort to free beings. Okay? Once again, many of you and many others have told me you do appreciate sitting meditation and other forms of being mindful, for example, of fragility.

[06:21]

being mindful of the body and mind. And then people say, however, I'm having trouble being consistent and regular practicing at home. People tell me this and when they tell me this they're usually not home when they're telling me this. They're usually in this temple or another temple. So I'm in a temple, I'm meeting people and they tell me that they appreciate the virtues of sitting meditation and then they tell me they have trouble practicing at home on a regular basis. They don't tell me that when they practice at home they regret it. They don't. They appreciate it. Their problem is being regular. And what comes to mind?

[07:29]

It's like somebody who brushes their teeth and afterwards they think, well that was good. Or they eat some good food and they say, that was good. Or they get some exercise. Or they help their children or their parents or their spouse in some way and they say, that was good. But they don't often tell me. I'm having trouble being regular. I'm having trouble being consistent brushing my teeth. They don't tell me that. Maybe they do, but they're not telling me about it. Maybe they tell the dentist that. So there are various ways, various things we can do to promote a consistent, regular, sitting meditation practice at home. And today, the thing I want to emphasize is that rather than think, okay, I could go sit now, and that would be good, I'm suggesting, that's okay, say that, but then say, and me sitting, I'm going to sit

[08:48]

because other beings need me to sit. They need me to sit. They need me to sit still and upright in the midst of this fragile, changing world. of suffering. They need me to do it, and I'm going to do it as a service, not just to me, but to all Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, and all sentient beings. They need me to do it, and I'm going to serve them by practicing. I'm not just practicing for me, it's a service. I actually feel that when I sit, it helps other people. I'm just going to ask you, when I sit, does it help you? Raise your hand if it helps you. Yeah, see?

[09:50]

It helps you. I feel that way and you're affirming that. Now, great assembly. When people in this assembly sit, does it help you? Raise your hand if it does. It helps me when you sit. So when the sun rises and when you get out of bed, do me a favor. Practice sitting meditation as soon as possible, like at the edge of your bed after you sit up. Practice it then as a favor to me and this great assembly, as a gift, as a service to all Buddhas. for the sake of realizing Buddhahood in this world. All Buddhas serve all Buddhas. All Buddhas serve all beings. And they do it by practicing. So I'm saying this to all of us so that we feel

[10:59]

Yeah, the day has started and people need me to sit in meditation or stand in meditation or walk in meditation. People need us to stand in meditation too and walk in meditation too. They also need us to recline in meditation. but I'm kind of emphasizing getting up out of bed and practicing upright sitting and standing and walking for the welfare of the world. I hope that me saying this will encourage you to remember that we need you to practice regularly. This is my third offering today. Maybe that's enough.

[12:01]

Maybe if I offer more, it'll be too much. Praising the Great Assembly, honoring our fragility, and reminding you that the world needs you to practice. And for an example, I need you to practice. I'm laughing because I had the thought, if you don't practice, I'm not succeeding in my job. I'll be a failure if you don't sit." Suzuki Roshi told me the job of a Zen priest is to encourage people to sit upright in silence and stillness. He told me that. He didn't tell me that before I got ordained, he told me that after. Okay, I accept that job. So I'm here to encourage you to practice, and not just practice for me, but to practice for me. Do it as a service to all Buddhas, Bodhisattvas. Please, I request you to practice regularly.

[13:08]

But even not regularly, just always. So those are my three first gifts and I have one more gift to offer you. It's kind of a big one, which is some contemplation of a kind of a difference between worldly pleasure and what we might call bodhisattva pleasure. Should I bring that up or if I've already given you enough? Bring it up. Bring it up? Is that what you said, Tayo? Bring it up? Please. Okay. I second that. Okay. So there is such a thing as worldly pleasure, and guess what? It's pleasurable. It's pleasant. It's pleasant. Worldly pleasure can be quite pleasant, as you may have known. And sometimes it helps to recognize it when you haven't had any for a while.

[14:13]

And I may confess to you that I actually was going for a certain period of time without having any worldly pleasure. For example, this morning when I got up, I was not feeling worldly pleasure. I wasn't. I was feeling worldly pain. And I didn't really, it wasn't pleasant, it wasn't, yeah. But then I came to the temple here and I started to feel something. And I don't know if it was worldly pleasure. I think maybe it was bodhisattva pleasure. So the joy I feel in thinking of meeting you and practicing with you, I would say that's kind of bodhisattva pleasure. What's worldly pleasure?

[15:17]

Well, worldly pleasure... I recently got some worldly pleasure. A cardiologist asked me to have a blood test. And I did. I had the blood test. I fasted and everything. And I got back the results and I saw a number of things. And what I saw was that my red blood cell count and my hemoglobin count and my hematocrit count were in normal range. And for a long time they've been way below normal. In other words, I've been anemic for quite a long time. And I've been doing some things like eating vegetarian iron supplements and vitamin B12. and kale. I've been eating things which might raise my iron up, which is necessary in order to make those hemoglobins, those red blood cells.

[16:25]

And so now I saw, oh my gosh, it's normal. And I had a feeling, a worldly pleasure came upon me. Quite a nice worldly pleasure. And it lasted for... Actually, now I'm thinking about it, I feel it again. It's a worldly pleasure. It goes away when my red blood cell goes down again. It goes away when my hemoglobin is down. It goes away when I feel tired and weak. That worldly pleasure, it comes and goes. But when it comes, it is really sometimes great. but not as great as the joy of practicing with you. And the joy of practicing with you does not come or go. It doesn't go away when I'm in pain, or when you're in pain. Matter of fact, the joy of practice, the bodhisattva joy, is the joy of feeling suffering when you're with people you love.

[17:35]

It's a joy that comes because, it's a joy, it's a pain, it's a joy in the middle of a pain you feel because you care about people who are suffering. And that joy does not come and go. That's the bodhisattvas joy. And it's far greater than this wonderful joy of not being anemic for a while. But my not being anemic is farragile. And if I become anemic again, my worldly joy about that might go away. But my spiritual bodhisattva joy will not go away. Whenever I'm with people who I care about, who are suffering, and I don't feel their pain, I feel the pain of being with them, and I'm very happy to be with the people I care about in their pain.

[18:47]

That doesn't come or go. Whenever the situation's like that, there it is. Whenever I'm with someone I care about, really, in their suffering, I feel pain. And I feel joyful that I feel that pain. And I feel joyful being with them in their pain. Okay, some people have showed up later. I want to say welcome. Brenda. No, excuse me, Brendan. Welcome, Brendan. Hey, you look more like a Brendan. And welcome, Susan. And welcome, Steven. Okay, so those are my four offerings. Did you hear them? One, honor the Great Assembly.

[19:53]

Two, honor and respect our fragility. three remember we need you to practice so that you can practice because we need you to practice and if you don't remember we need you you might forget and not because you might have something else you'd like to do but don't do anything else please just practice for us in everything you do and four is these two kinds of pleasure, these two kinds of joy. So those are my offerings. I've set the table and now the Great Assembly is welcome to also make offerings. Oh, Tracy, thank you for that offering. You see Tracy's offering? Oh no, a new Tracy. Is that a new Tracy?

[20:54]

Oh, it's a new Tracy. Thank you. We have two Tracys. One has a very big face. Is that a suffering face? Oh, I love that face. Do you see the face? I don't know what you're talking about. I only know about my Tracy. Is there another Tracy on the call? Yeah, would you highlight that other Tracy, please, Amanda? Do you see that big face? No, we can't get off. Oh, yeah. See, there's two Tracys. They're both beautiful. We love them both. Yeah, I'll own that face. Yes, it's me, Rev. Hello. I'll own that face. The other Tracy. Right. Okay, well, here's one Tracy. Okay, one Tracy. It has a question. Tracy one and Tracy two. Let's see. standing or walking, sitting or lying down.

[21:59]

So this might be splitting hairs, or it might be just I'm asking for clarification. What's the difference between sitting and medicating? Like, can I stand? What if I get out of bed and I'm mindful? Does that count? Or what's the equivalent of sitting but standing? You get out of bed and you say, okay, I'm standing now at the edge of my bed. I'm going to be mindful of this standing posture. But you can't be mindful like of getting dressed and making breakfast. That doesn't count if you're doing it. It does. Okay, here we go. Ready? Thank you for your question, Tracy. Here we go. Stand up. Okay, I'm standing up. What's the deal now? Oh, yeah. I'm standing up and I'm mindful of my posture. And I'm mindful of my posture as a service to awakening.

[23:01]

I'm mindful of my posture. It's good. But it's not just good. world needs me to do it. And I'm doing it not just to do something good, but to do something good for the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas all over the universe. Okay, now I'm going to walk, maybe to the bathroom. And this walking, I want to, yeah, it's going to be a mindful walk. And Reb needs me to be mindful when I walk to the bathroom, so I'm going to be mindful. Otherwise, maybe too much trouble. Tracy needs me to be mindful when I walk to the bathroom, and I'm going to walk to the bathroom for her and all beings. Being mindful of walking to the bathroom, and being mindful to walk to the kitchen, and being mindful of making your breakfast, those are all meditation practices. However, and when people do that, when they're mindful making breakfast, most of the people, or maybe all of the people in this assembly say, this is good.

[24:06]

It's good to be mindful making breakfast. I'm having breakfast, but I'm not just having breakfast. I'm mindful of making my breakfast. I'm mindful of eating my oatmeal. And I'm doing this because people need me to. Reb told me he needs me to be mindful when I eat my oatmeal. That helps me be mindful when I eat my oatmeal. If he told me he needs me to eat my oatmeal, that would also help me, but he didn't tell me that. Because I eat my breakfast regularly. I need help practicing meditation, the bodhisattva meditation. I need help with that. And it helps me to remember people need me to do that. And when I do it, they appreciate it. When I sit, I feel your appreciation of my sitting. Even if you're not in the room.

[25:07]

Not to mention if you are in the room. And you come and tell me you appreciate my sitting. I'm telling you, I appreciate yours. So the mindfulness of all activities throughout the day is meditation. So we get credit. You get merit. Merit. You get virtue. It helps and the whole world is helped. So what I'm emphasizing is remember that it's not just you that creates merit. We need you to do this meritorious activity. Because if it's just for you, you might say, oh, I'm too tired. But say, oh, it's for Suzuki Roshi. He told me he needs me to sit. He told me that Like when I got ordained, I said to his wife, I said, what gift can I give Satsikarashi? He said, practice. My practice is a gift to my teacher. Your practice is a gift to your teacher.

[26:10]

Knowing that I think will help you be more regular. It's not just a gift to yourself or even to your close friends. It's a gift to your teacher and all beings. Even it's a gift to your enemies. How's that, Tracy? It's excellent. I want to say I feel very touched that you've asked something of us. In all these years, you just give, give, give. I don't remember you ever once saying do this for me. So I'm quite impacted by that request. And I think I'm hearing what you're saying. And I'm a little relieved to know that. Practicing mindfulness in all things at all times is what you're talking about. And I am committed to giving you that gift to the total extent I can. Speak, Justin, please.

[27:24]

I was trying to figure out my Zoom controls here. Sorry. We talk about mindfulness so much, and I often think I have an understanding of what mindfulness is, and I often don't. I still, after all these years, don't know if I know what being mindful is or if I'm successful at being mindful. And I was wondering if you could... re explain what it is when we're actually intending to be mindful and how to know if we're successfully being mindful. Number one example. I'm going to reach over and reach and grasp a cup of water. When I'm practicing mindfulness and I grasp a cup of water and lift it up, I know I'm grasping the cup and lifting it up.

[28:41]

And then when I drink, I'm aware I'm drinking. And when I set the cup down, I'm aware, I know that I set it down. I do. And if I also reach over for the cup and pick it up and don't know that I'm reaching over and picking it up, then I kind of, in a way, I'm not being mindful of the very same act. But in both cases, my body and mind are working together to perform this wonderful thing called reaching a glass of water and bringing it to the mouth and drinking. And also I can drink and be aware of the water going in my mouth. And I do find myself that being aware of the water going in my mouth helps me get the right amount of water and not get too much.

[29:46]

I don't usually have a problem with getting too little of the water, but sometimes I get too much and it's hard for me to swallow. because I'm not being careful of my fragile mouth and my tongue and my throat. So in that case I wasn't very mindful the way I drank that water. At that time I was pretty mindful. I knew what it felt like for the water to come into my mouth and I felt like what it went down my throat and it was all pretty smooth. Now, to know that I'm mindful, I think, is going to be sure. And to be sure that I'm successful, that is something to be mindful of, not something to try to get. So I'm doing this, but I don't know if I'm mindful. I'm not sure that I'm mindful. I'm just following this, what the Buddha taught, that when practicing mindfulness, one is to watch

[30:55]

and see if you can know what you're doing with your hands. When they're like this, you're aware they're like this. When they're on your cheeks, you're aware, oh, my hands are on my cheeks. And in this particular situation, I was a little surprised. Often you're surprised what it's like when you're actually aware. My hands are kind of cold and my cheeks are kind of warm. Now, here goes my hands away from my face and I know they're going away. So this is an example of instructions from mindful. Mindfulness is too vast and wonderful to be sure that you're doing it. But these are some instructions for it. And I would say, just be careful To try to be sure that I'm practicing mindfulness is more like an anxiety. And it's good to be mindful. I'm feeling kind of anxious about whether I'm actually mindful. Okay, let's be mindful of that anxiety. When the person is anxious, they know they're anxious.

[32:02]

Okay? Okay, thank you. You're welcome, Justin. Thank you for your wonderful question. Welcome, Denise. Welcome, Rob. It's a joy to see your face. Thank you. You actually look so well. It's amazing. Thanks. Yeah, I thought I should talk about fragility. Yeah. Should I tell people about what you've been through? I can say. Yeah, my family and I were in an accident Christmas Eve. and we lost our daughter and I sustained many injuries. So yeah, I'm steeped in fragility, the fragility of human life, of time, how anything can change at any moment.

[33:24]

And you told me something very helpful. You said, you know, I said to you, I wasn't strong enough to, um, carry on. And you said, no, you're not strong enough for yourself, but you're strong enough for everyone. And that was just so useful. It's been so useful for me to think about it in those terms and, um, I just wanted to talk about the pleasure of being with others suffering because we've had just a tremendous outpouring of love and support from people we know, friends, family, strangers, and caretakers. And it's overwhelming how willing people are to be with our suffering, how there seems to be an underlying joy in meeting our suffering.

[34:30]

And I think the same thing you told me about, I'm not strong enough to do it for myself, applies to being the recipient of people's attention and support, which has always been uncomfortable for me because I guess I thought it was about me. But now I see, you know, with such a flood, if I'm in this larger pool with everybody, we're all in this. We all have our point of view, but we're all in this together. And, you know, I don't resist any of the support we're getting or the love that we're getting. It's, It's all just welcome and part of everything. And I feel like I'm learning how to give and how to be with others suffering with that kind of generous big heart.

[35:40]

Yeah. And I had the thought that when you're receiving these huge tidal waves of compassion, the thought might arise to some of us, am I worthy of this? And again, I think one response to that would be, it's not about you. Then another thought might, although I don't know if I'm worthy, I want to be worthy. And again, well, that's fine. It's not about you. It's about the tidal wave of compassion. It's too much. There could be a bodhisattva vow, I vow to be a tidal wave of compassion in this world.

[36:41]

And someone might say, well, how could I do that? I vow to save all beings. How could I do that? Well, you can't. I vow to be a blessing to all beings. How could I do that? Well, you can't. But we can do it. We are doing it. Actually, in the Chinese text, sentient beings are numberless. We vow to save them. or I vow to save them. There's no I. It just says sentient beings numberless, vowing to save them. But we wrote in, some people say, I is understood. And then many people say, I can't save all sentient beings. And I say, yeah, right, you can't. But we can. And so...

[37:42]

I'm not saying we should change the translation, but we consider sentient beings are numberless, vowing to save them. Sentient beings are numberless, vowing to save me among others. I'm so happy to see you, Denise. You look really alive. It's just amazing. And I'm so grateful to the amazing skill of your doctors and nurses and therapists. It's just amazing that you can still be with us and bring us the blessings of going through all this. Thank you, Rev. Yeah, thank you, Denise. Yeah. Well, when I raised my hand, it was for something else.

[39:30]

But now I'm so touched with what I've heard from Denise. It never gets... The pain never gets shrinks. The pain expands. I don't want to say anything now. You said a lot. Thank you. I really appreciate your offering.

[40:37]

Hi, Reb. And hello, the assembly. And I just, I really didn't have anything to say besides just wanting to say hi to you and to everyone else that knows me from Zoom. And I just want to thank you for showing up in my life many years ago, Reb. And playing such a vital role in my life, in doing what's most important. I just had the thought you could say, thank you to all the beings who made you show up in my life. That too. Thank you. Thank you for all the beings who make you do the right thing. Yes.

[41:55]

And you're one of those beings. I am. It's true. So you don't have to be so modest, but thank you for expanding my view. So I really thank you. And thank you for all of you who are doing this work. Thank you for your heartfelt sharing. I also had a teaching of fragility this month. My husband had a hip operation, so it was not as drastic as Denise's story, but it was a big lesson for me and for him to realize that nothing can be taken for granted. And even though they tell you that it is just a procedure and it's very successful, You just don't know. So it was very tense before the operation and everything went fine.

[42:58]

And afterwards, Derek was in a lot of pain and it's impossible not to feel his pain and my pain and go through that together. And what I saw was that it really, it was a gift in many ways. And when he chose not to take all his morphine in his first days, because out of maybe fear not to miss something in his body, he wanted to be somewhat aware. And so he wanted to know what changes are taking place. So rather than taking four, he would take two pills. So he was in considerable amount of pain. I was too, because he was hard to put up with at times. He was on the edge. And that really brought up new opportunity to practice.

[44:01]

Pain brings out most deepest things that are still hiding in us for him and for me. And it truly transformed our lives. So gratefulness for everything. Yeah. Wonderful. How wonderful. And after that, you know, like today when you mentioned about doing, suffering for others, being strong for others, thank you for that because as I was, as I'm approaching old age, entering it, And I was thinking, oh my goodness, it is such a heroic act to age. It is really an act of heroism. Like during these two weeks, pre and post surgery, I was achy all over my body.

[45:03]

And it was just... And I thought, oh, my God, I'm only 63. What's going to happen when I'm going to be 70 and 80 or 90? Because I know some people who lived that long. And I was wondering, like, where do they get the strength? So it was good to hear these few words today. Thank you. Thank you. Hello, Rep. Good to see you. Good to see you, Thielmann. Yeah, I have, I would say, a confession I want to make.

[46:08]

It's what you talked about, or the four gifts you gave us, brought up. So there's a friend of mine I love very much, and she's currently going through some Yeah, some very hard times, having cancer and, well, kind of being with that treatment and knowing there's very much fragility there. And I visited her during that time and we talked from time to time. And, uh, she said, um, that was very supportive to her. And at the same time, I feel sometimes very much overwhelmed that I feel like it's too hard for me to be with her in all that pain and, and, and suffering.

[47:14]

And I feel like I cannot sort of reach out to her or something. And then I sometimes don't. And, um, And then, yeah, sort of your words reminded me how she's asking me to be present with her, but it's so hard. So I want to confess that I sometimes forget to do it for her, and I feel I need to take care of myself. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it might be helpful for you to realize that you're not just doing it for her. you're doing it for all of us. Because often people like in a marriage, people are together. And one of the partners is having a really hard time or being really difficult. And you feel like, well, I probably should stay here and deal with this for her or for him.

[48:18]

But I just can't, it's just too much. Okay, okay. But it's not just for them. If you don't take care of the other person, it doesn't just hurt that person, it hurts all of us. So it's very difficult to be with one suffering person sometimes. We feel like it's too much. And so even though we feel like it would be good for us to stay with them, We just can't. So it might be helpful to realize the whole world needs me to stay with them. Sometimes practicing Buddhism is really hard. I'm not going to do it. But if the whole world needs me to do it, if the whole world needs me to be with her or with him, okay. Okay. It's not just for her.

[49:23]

It's not just for me. It's for Reb. It's for Barbara. It's for Sandra. It's for Denise. It's for all those people. So we're all doing this hard thing, but we cannot do it just for one person, most of us. So let's do it for everybody. And if we don't do it for one person, Then we say, I'm sorry, I didn't do it for one person, and I'm sorry. Now I want to try again. Next time I'm going to try, I'm going to do it for everybody. Maybe I'll be more successful. Thank you very much. You're very welcome. Those words support me very much. Great. And her, and hopefully everybody. Yeah. Thank you, Rev.

[50:42]

Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this. There's times when I turn away from my practice and I always come back. But thank you for the reminder that we don't do it for ourselves. We do it for all beings. And I'm just so grateful for you. Thank you so very much. I get overwhelmed with anxiety and fear lately, and that's what will have me pull away. I'll pull away and dive into a book and read that. I know that the world needs us really badly. So thank you for reminding me to come back. You're welcome. Thank you. Welcome, Silvia.

[51:59]

Hello. Hello, everybody. I feel just the appropriateness or the timing of your offering. What I am at the present moment is almost like wallowing in my own fragility. And I have that ability to do that. And so I want to thank Denise and just the whole assembly. The question is, I have the ability to feel the fragility, mine and others, like almost like an attraction to it, like a big, like, okay, there I'm going, I'm going there, I'm going, but not so much the ability to be upright with it.

[53:09]

And Denise was an amazing teacher today and I admire and I am inspired by that ability And in my case, I feel that what I managed to do is to see it arise and fade. But to be upright when it comes, I have not accomplished. Sometimes you are, right? Hmm. It's more like I'm there and then it fades. It just goes away. However, when it's there, I just don't feel I'm upright with it. Okay. And one time you said, why don't you just go for it? Just go for it. Just go with it.

[54:11]

And anyway, it's not a new subject. No. And... And another thing is that when I hear you say you do it for all beings, you don't do it for you, you don't do it for her or for him. I felt like... I wouldn't say you don't do it for them. You don't do it only for them. Only for them. But there is some sense of detachment then. It's like, oh. There is some detachment. There is some distance. I'm totally devoted, but I'm not attached. Yeah. Oh. Oh, I'm not... Yeah. Like taped with it or glued with it. Yeah.

[55:17]

Yeah, this melts the glue. Practicing as an offering melts the glue. And then the other component is that I feel your presence, somebody also, a friend's presence, or anybody of this assembly at some point, they're like an anchor. I feel like an anchor. Oh, oh, I don't do it, but they're doing it. And almost like, oh, almost like a mirror in a way, you know, oh. What do we need to do? Or something like that. Yeah, oh. I forgot. Oh, I remember. Thank you very much.

[56:25]

Thank you so much, Sylvia, for your offering. Good morning. Good morning. So I wanted to go back to Justin's question, I think it was, about what is meant by mindfulness. What I understood was it was mindfulness of bodily sensations and mental activity. Those are like frames or functions. They're not the mindfulness itself. So it's not that feelings are mindfulness. Mindfulness is to be aware of the feeling. Right. So to be aware of sensations and mental activities. And I'm wondering if that... And posture.

[57:28]

Go ahead. And posture. Well, that would be physical sensation, I think. Oh, I see. Okay. But I'm wondering if that also includes awareness of our intention or our... Yeah. Well, mental... So there's traditionally four foundations, and the fourth foundation is called... It's mindfulness of dharmas, or mindfulness of all the various objects of mind consciousness. And the overall pattern of a moment of consciousness is the intention. So by being mindful of the patterns of your consciousness, you also can just be aware that it has a shape, which is the intention, which is the karma of that moment. So the fourth foundation of mindfulness is mindfulness of intention and karma, because intention is the definition of karma.

[58:31]

So then if the intention is to make what we're doing into a gift or an offering, I'm guessing that's a pretty good thing. But I noticed that it's around the notion of perfection. I feel like I can make an imperfect offering to the Buddhas, and that's fine. They're not going to reject it. know and maybe even to all beings because that's rather abstract but when I think about offering you know also to specific human beings it gets a little more complicated and I wonder if you could speak about that well um maybe you should say more about the complication before I say something about it because You're the one who brought it up. So what do you mean by more complicated? Well, the offering is, the imperfection of the offering might not bother the Buddhas or all beings, but it might bother specific people, or it might not be quite the offering that they wish they were receiving.

[59:47]

Could you give an example of an offering that might be imperfect? Well, you were, for instance, requesting an offering of immediately upon waking to begin meditation. And I might not quite begin it at that point. And for me, that might not begin right upon awakening. Then you're not doing it yet. But when you do it... Or if you realize that when you get out of bed, being mindful of standing up, when you're aware that that mindfulness of your posture, you're not doing that just for yourself. You're doing it as a gift that might help you be mindful. So let's just say that some mornings you get up, you stand up and you go, oh, there's mindfulness here of the posture.

[60:56]

And yeah, and I want this to be an offering, a service to all beings. That may help you the next day. Or even now, I'm telling you this. So tomorrow morning, when you get out of bed, it's possible that you and some of the other people here, including me, when we get out of bed, we might stand up tomorrow morning. Let's do this as a, let's make this a homework assignment to the whole assembly. Pardon? Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm saying I'm sorry to the assembly. So tomorrow morning, when we get out of bed, let's all try to stand up at the edge of our bed. and just stand there for a little bit. And then remember that we're now practicing mindfulness and we're doing this as a gift. And now I'm saying, in addition to that, please do this tomorrow morning as a gift to the assembly. Please offer this service of practicing mindfulness tomorrow morning

[62:03]

When you get out of bed and stand up, please do that as a service to us. And saying this to you now might help you do it tomorrow morning. And if what happens when I get up tomorrow morning is I'm in the fog for a little while, can I offer the fog? You can offer the fog, but you can also offer that you're mindful of the fog. But the fog is not really your posture. No. So, okay, now I'm aware of my posture, I'm standing, and there's mindfulness here. And also there's fogginess, and there's mindfulness of fogginess. So fogginess goes actually more over in what we call the third foundations of mindfulness, which is general characteristics of consciousness. And in the book, in the sutra, it says, under the third one, that the consciousness is kind of foggy. So there's mindfulness of posture, and the posture is standing.

[63:07]

And there's mindfulness of consciousness, and the consciousness is foggy. How wonderful! I've done my homework for the Great Assembly tomorrow morning. Now there could be walking to the bathroom, to the kitchen, or maybe I'll just stand here for a little longer. And now the walking, and now there is awareness of the walking. And remember that it would be good for us if you all were aware of your walking after you're aware of your standing. So as you start to walk from your bedroom into the bathroom or the kitchen, please, for us, be mindful of your walking. And so on. I won't get into the next things that might happen. But when they happen, you're aware of those too. And also, please be aware of those things for us.

[64:09]

Not just because it's a good thing. It is a good thing. But we need you to do this good thing. Mm-hmm. For me, I mean, personally, the experience often is, you know, it's in walking that I start to wake up. It's like the first movement is kind of an automaton. And then I start to wake up as I'm moving. So now you're aware of your walking. mindful of your posture walking, and you're also aware that your consciousness is changing. It's going from foggy to less foggy. You're aware of two of the four foundations by being aware of your posture, which is walking, and the consciousness which is not quite... the fog is clearing. This is the third foundation of mindfulness. And the intention isn't quite clear yet. And I don't know what... We have two. We don't have intention. And what's the fourth one? The fourth one is getting into the details of the consciousness.

[65:12]

like that there's an intention to keep walking, or there's the intention to be helpful today, or there's the intention to brush the teeth, or there's the intention to make breakfast. Those are the overall patterns of the consciousness. That's the karma of the moment. But it's hard to look at the fourth if the third is foggy. it's not impossible, but, and they usually, Buddha teaches them in order, first a posture and the breathing, then feelings, because feelings are kind of grosser than some of the things coming up. Then the consciousness, the general characteristic of consciousness, like foggy or clearing, are pretty clear. And if it's clear consciousness, it's going to be more successful to get into the details of the mental workings of the consciousness in the form. Yeah. But actually, when you do all four, you realize they mutually include each other, but it takes some practice to realize that when you're aware of your posture, you can also be aware of your intention at that moment too.

[66:22]

Like, I intend to continue to stand. I contend there's an intention to continue to be mindful. Well, you're doing the fourth together with the third. You're aware of that intention and also the physical posture. And even though it's never perfect, it's always something that can be offered. It's always something that can be offered. Yeah. Thank you. And being concerned with perfection is one of the things that's in the fourth category of mindfulness. Oh, there's an intention. There's a wish to be perfect. Oh, you can be here too. Thank you. You're welcome. Janet, I don't think I can spotlight you if you're... There you are.

[67:41]

Okay, one sec. Can you speak, Janet? Oh, yes. Sorry. I've been having trouble with my Internet connection. It's been very fragile. Yeah, it's very fragile. So I kept trying different things, and that's why I was invisible for a while. It seemed to help a little bit. But my voice is fragile, too. I'm just getting over being sick. Okay. I may be kind of repeating something that was said before, but I guess I've had a lot of trouble feeling that when I try to sit on my own, especially in the morning or especially any time,

[68:51]

to feel that it makes any difference to either me or anyone somehow, because I don't know, I'm on my own and nobody knows whether I'm sitting or not, except me. And it's hard, and I can tell myself that it's good It's good for me. It's good for other beings. But it doesn't feel real to me. It feels like just an idea, kind of a fantasy. And if I'm sitting – if there's a Zendo nearby and I go to sit there, I can feel – I can feel it. It means something. It has an effect. There's something real happening with all of us there in the zendo. But if it's just me and there's no one else around, it just seems imaginary somehow and not real. So I don't know. It's something I have repeatedly a lot of trouble with. Well, you are bringing up a similar problem, but it's nice to hear it in your version.

[70:00]

And, for example, you said, if you're sitting at home, you think nobody knows if you're doing it, but if you go into a zendo, you can feel that people do appreciate you being there. Right? I think mostly I... I feel I appreciate them. I feel their energy. There you go. And then I feel, you know, it's kind of it's us together. It's not like it's me and them. It's kind of it's we. That's what I'm talking about. And you can feel it when you're in the Zendo, but you're having trouble feeling it when you're in your room by yourself. Right. Yeah. And what I'm saying to you, Janet, and to everybody, is that tomorrow morning when we get up, Out of bed we have this thing we're going to do together. We're going to do this together. I don't know if everybody's going to do it, but this is the request.

[71:03]

When you get out of bed, start meditating as soon as you stand up. And then you say, you have trouble knowing or feeling that that matters to us whether you do that or not. And I'm telling you that it's beyond your feelings or my feelings. This practice we're talking about, of practicing together, is not within our reach of feeling or discrimination. If you do feel it, fine, but it's there whether you feel it or not. So when you get up in the morning, if you do it, if you do it, For us, the doing it for us is not something, you may be able to feel you're doing it for us, but we may not be able to feel it. But the doing it for us will help you do it, plus it will help us. Now you can say, and this is the kind of like spiritual part of it. How do I, how am I helped by you doing this tomorrow morning?

[72:04]

And how are you helped by me doing this this morning? tomorrow morning i i actually going to try to do it tomorrow morning and i'm doing it because of this meeting we're having now if we meet again later and you say did you do it that next morning i might say no i didn't but i remembered i didn't so i did or yes i did do it and i did it for you and i remember and i'll probably tomorrow morning if i do do it i'll probably remember you so If other people do it tomorrow morning, some of them will remember you. Because you said you don't get how them doing it helps you, and yet they remember you. And does their remembering you change your life? I would say, yes, it does. Because what we're talking about is that people who you don't know and you don't see are thinking of you in Europe and in California.

[73:09]

Tomorrow morning, some people in Europe or California might think of you when they're meditating. And are you thinking of them? If we're thinking of each other, who are beyond our feeling of discrimination, the point is, I'm hoping that this will help you practice. And not only that, but I want this to help your practice, but if you practice in that way, even if you don't mean to, it will help me, it will help Suzuki Roshi. And you can't see how you're sitting helps Suzuki Roshi, but he says it does. Even though he's not alive anymore, you're helping Suzuki Roshi's life be worthwhile when you sit. Even if you don't do it for Suzuki Roshi, you still help him. However, I'm just saying, it may help you to sit if you realize that you're helping people who you cannot feel or see or, you know.

[74:14]

Let's try it tomorrow morning. Let's try what it's like to do this practice right away for Janet. Janet, you feel what it's like to do it right away for us. I'll remember. I will. Yeah. Thank you for your offering, Janet. Thank you. Well, it's almost 1130 and we're sort of, we're kind of, what is the word? We had some understanding that we might stop generally after an hour and a half. So is that okay if we stop now? I would like to ask a follow up if I could. Okay. Is it okay if she has to follow up? Yes. Okay. You're going to need some nods. Thank you. So I didn't, I thought of another example of, you know, the fog was one thing, but what if the state of my mind is grumpy or judgmental?

[75:24]

Like, You know, I can offer that to the Buddha. What if? Yeah. What if we take that as an example, that there's grumpiness or judgmental. You get up. Or cynicism. You stand up. Yeah. And you're aware. First of all, I recommend, first of all, be aware of your posture. Yeah. It might also be a little bit wobbly. So first posture. Now. If you notice grumpiness, that's either the third or the fourth foundation of mindfulness. The practice is to be mindful of grumpiness. But I don't want to offer that. You don't have to offer the grumpiness. You can offer the mindfulness. Offer the practice. You're not offering so much your posture. Well, you could, but you're offering the practice with your posture. You're offering your practice to the Buddhas. So again, when I said to Susie Kureishi's wife, what gift should I give?

[76:27]

She didn't say, give your body. She said, give practice. Give your young, strong body. Of course, I give my body, but the main thing is to give my practice of mindfulness of my body. Okay, thank you. Thank you for that. Another turning of the Dharma wheel. Okay, now shall we end, ladies and gentlemen? And are we ready to conclude this amazing morning event?

[77:04]

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