A thought just arose in this great assembly. Did you see it? May I tell you about it? The thought was, actually the first thought was, it's nice to not be in a hurry. And another thought arose, following that one, is such a blessing to not be in a hurry. Here we are, and we are so blessed that we can not be in a hurry, that we can be here, quietly.

[01:04]

without moving. We're so blessed. And now the thought arises, may we share the blessing of not hurrying in this life with all beings, some of whom do not feel that they cannot hurry. They feel anxious. They think they have to hurry. It's so sad. There's a poetic expression for New Year's in Asia. It's called teacher rushing day. So the teacher usually is not rushing. The teacher is usually teaching not rushing. The teacher is usually teaching being present. But on New Year's, even the teachers have to rush to go visit all the people.

[02:11]

Hopefully they do not get distracted from stillness while they're visiting all their students and receiving visits from all their students. So in this feel the blessing right now that we're living in. Again, there was the good fortune this morning of being able to recite something from the great flower adornment scripture. The Buddha body pervades all the great assemblies.

[03:24]

The Buddha body pervades throughout all the great assemblies, filling the Dharma realm without end. silent, unmoving, without nature, ungraspable. It appears for the sake of liberating beings. And then later, someone came into the room down the hall and said to me something like the no nature

[04:40]

shows all the natures that there are no nature. This Buddha body, which has no nature, teaches all living beings who seem to have a nature. It teaches them that their nature is no nature. This is liberation of all beings. There's a verse which one could chant quietly or out loud when one prostrates oneself, when one pays homage to Buddhas. In English, it goes something like this. person bowing, person bowed to, their nature, no nature.

[06:07]

The one bowing and the one bowed to, their nature, no nature. This body and the other body are not two. Plunge into the inexhaustible vow. Save all beings. I wanted to bring something up today before the great sutra came and took over my mind. But I'm still not ready. The sutra is still resonating. And the sutra also says, again, it says, pervades throughout.

[07:21]

So it means it pervades throughout all the beings in the great assembly. but also when it pervades through an individual being, it pervades throughout all aspects of that being's experience. It pervades all of their fear, all of their confusion, all of their joy, all of their opinions. It pervades every atom of every being. in every great assembly. So one might pay homage to every atom of every being. And in doing so, remember that the bowing to every aspect of every living being

[08:28]

and the receiving of the Baal, their nature, no nature. What I want to bring up is something kind of, you know, simple and maybe not too surprising, which is that people often come to me and say, And sometimes say, I'm so happy to be here and practicing meditation here with you and the assembly. I'm so glad. It's so great. It's hard for me, but it seems to really be beneficial. I'm so happy to be here practicing sitting meditation with this assembly.

[09:34]

It seems so beneficial, even though when I'm doing it, it doesn't seem beneficial. I'm having a hard time when I'm doing it. Yeah, I'm having a difficult time. But nonetheless, I am sitting in meditation in this difficult situation of my life. And sitting in all the difficulties of my life and sitting in all the middle of all the horrors of the world is difficult. And sitting in this way, in this difficulty with being with all this does seem to be beneficial. So again, is that not too surprising to hear? It's not too surprising.

[10:39]

Sitting in the middle of difficulties is not easy. Sitting in the middle of horrors is not easy. It's hard. You could even say it's horrible. But anyway, whether you're sitting or not, it might seem horrible. But to actually sit there in such a realm of experience the person says, the people say, it seems beneficial. And then they say, often, but in my home, I don't sit very much. I sit some, but not very much and not very consistently as in big spaces between the days where I sit. Have you heard about this, right? People come to the community, to the assembly that's sitting, and it's not easy necessarily, but they find it very beneficial and encouraging to do more of that.

[11:53]

But then they go home and they have trouble being consistent. This is what I want to bring up. So this is for people who are having trouble having a consistent sitting meditation practice in their home. This is for people who actually do sometimes sit in meditation in their home. But they're concerned because they don't do it regularly. Now, these same people who are having difficulty regularly sitting in meditation in their homes, they don't tell me, but I'm also not able to consistently eat at home.

[13:01]

I'm not able to consistently brush my teeth or make my bed. I'm not that depressed. I'm not... I consistently clean the house and, yeah, my daily life things are happening pretty daily. And there's one daily life thing that doesn't happen daily is daily sitting. I think sometimes some people do forget to brush their teeth, but usually there are weeks between. But the sitting, which is the same people... who do brush their teeth. The sitting is very important to them, but they sometimes do not practice at home. They want to practice every day. And when these people come to retreats, they are able to practice every day.

[14:04]

So this brings up the thing about what I would say monastic life, and non-monastic life. And a lot of people feel like when they, who do not, who are not long, who are not, who are mostly living in a home, they go to monasteries, in other words, a community that's practicing meditation, they go there because when they get there, they're actually able to practice consistently during their whole time. But now I want to go deeper into this. Because for your information, although people when they come for the retreat, they are actually able to practice almost the whole retreat. The people who are not coming for the retreat, but who live in the monastery, they have trouble sitting every day.

[15:11]

Sometimes they do sit every day. But then when they get to sitting, they have trouble sitting. But sometimes they don't get to sitting. Because of the work of taking care of the monastery, they're not able to go to all the sittings. And even when they do go to the sittings, they have a hard time. Because they're living beings. And even if they do attend, they have a hard time feeling really enthusiastic about being there. And part of the reason they go to sit in the monastery is because they're in a monastery. And sometimes that's like most of the reason that they're sitting, is that they're sitting mostly because they're in a place where that's what people do. So they're going along with the program for various reasons. kind of going through the motions.

[16:19]

This is like people who are long-term residents of monasteries. They do go, pretty much, more than people who are not in monasteries, but they are not necessarily sitting the way they want to sit. But they are on the seat. But they are kind of wondering... Maybe they could find something to make the sitting more interesting. Or wishing that they didn't have to sit the next period. And sometimes they don't sit the next period. They go back to their room and go back to sleep. Because they're not finding the sitting really joyful. They're not having fun. And even though they know that they probably should be there because they're in a monastery, they still leave the room and don't come back for quite a while.

[17:28]

Now, the lay people have the same situation. It's time to sit, and they don't feel enthusiastic about it. But there they don't feel like they have to go. There's not a bunch of other people who are watching to see that they're not there. So, generally speaking, in the monastery, the percentage of time that people go to practice the meditation is greater than at home when there are only one person or two people there. Anyway, my simple and wonderful recommendation to people who are practicing at home and also people who are practicing in monasteries like We don't usually call Green Gulch a monastery, but it kind of is a monastery because the whole community is focused on a mono, a mono of sitting.

[18:31]

That's the whole thing. It's focused on that. It is kind of a monastery. And a lot of people there do go sit, and I'm one of them. And right now we're having a practice period that Kokyo is leading. And his cohort, they're sitting. And I do not know what kind of sentient beings are arising in them. But I think some of them are having a hard time. Probably not. But they are there. But are they joyfully sitting? I do not know. And again... Pardon? Some of them are.

[19:32]

That's what you think. So Meg thinks that some of them are joyfully sitting. Some of them aren't. Kokyo thinks some of them aren't. This is what we think. Now... What I'm here to say is, no matter what you think, no matter what you think, I'm suggesting. And whether you live in a monastery or in your own home where nobody else is sitting, no matter what you think, when you think about, as you approach the possibility, just... when you open to the possibility of sitting in meditation, I suggest you consider doing it as a service to all Buddhas and all sentient beings. I suggest to you that that's the way bodhisattvas practice.

[20:44]

That when they sit, or when they even think about sitting, they think about doing it in relationship to others, not just themselves doing that. But they sit for others. And not just some others, all others, and not just all others, but all Buddha others. So again, maybe it's like early in the morning. And you kind of, and there's a possibility of getting out of bed and going to sit in your house. You might not feel like doing that.

[21:45]

You might not feel like, well, that would be great. Or you might feel that would be great, but I'd rather sleep. Or that would be great, and I'm awake, but I'd rather lay in bed a little longer. A lot of things you could think, right? Or you could think, I could go sit, but actually that might be hard, etc. You could think a lot of things in the early morning. And one of them could be, I could go sit. And another one would be, I don't want to. Or, you know, another way, it probably would be good to go sit, but if it's just for me, I'd rather not. But if it's for everybody, if it's for everybody, okay. And when I get there, if it's not fun, If it's for everybody, okay.

[22:49]

And part of the difficulty might be that you might even think I don't like these people I'm sitting with if you're in a monastery. I don't like these people. This is not pleasant to be sitting with these people who I don't like. I didn't think I wouldn't like them, but today I don't like them. In monasteries, Sometimes when people are sitting in the assembly, they think thoughts like, I don't like these people. These people are fools, etc. I've heard that. I've heard that people think like that in meditation halls with other people there. I could go on. Shall I go on? Can you answer a question? So I hear Tracy say, can I ask a question? You just did. Want to ask another one? Okay. Can she ask a question? Please. And interrupt this joyful cry for the merits of practicing as a service to this world.

[23:59]

Yes, go ahead. Do it as a service to all Buddhist ascension beings. We sit for all others. I can relate to that as you said, so I'll believe it. But I would really love it if you could explain a little bit how that works. How what works? That sentence. We sit for our lives. What does that mean? It means, I don't know what it means, but it's like you're sitting and you remember the possibility. This sitting is a service. This is an offering. I'm not doing this to get pleasure for me. or pleasure for others. I'm doing the sitting as sitting, but it's a service. So in many Mahayana scriptures, like this Flower Adornment scripture, it says, so-and-so served many Buddhas. And also in Zen text, so-and-so served such-and-such a teacher.

[25:02]

Served. They also say, so-and-so studied with so-and-so. studied with a bodhisattva teacher is also serving a bodhisattva teacher. You're doing this as a service. I studied with Suzuki Roshi as a service to Suzuki Roshi. I was not trying to get anything from him, and I'm still not. But I was trying to be of service to him by being in his temple sitting as a service. Are you waiting for some meaning? Yeah. I mean, this is not a declaration. Pardon? I can do that as a declaration, as an article of faith, but it doesn't make sense to me. I can't understand. So right now, you just ask a question. That's not sitting, but it's a question. Now, did you ask that question as a service? You did?

[26:04]

Well, I'd sit like that too. Exactly a service. I didn't mind if everyone else got that. Okay, thank you. She said it was a service, but she didn't mind these other people around. But it wasn't just for them. So bodhisattvas ask questions as a service to Buddhas, which means they ask questions for all sentient beings. They aren't trying to get something. They're trying to give a... And again, we have so many examples of where the bodhisattva thinks... I would like to ask the Buddha a question that is very helpful to many beings. And then the Buddha says, you, so-and-so bodhisattva, you ask that question, he doesn't say, the Buddha usually doesn't say, you ask that question and you already have many good answers yourself, but you ask the question of me in this assembly for the sake of this huge assembly. That's why you're asking it. Now, in the Zendo, like this morning, I did not say, you people are sitting here, not just for yourself, you're sitting here for the welfare and happiness of all beings.

[27:16]

I didn't say that. But I will say it later. Because now I'm telling you that your sitting could now be, when you sit, you sit for the welfare of all beings, which includes all trees in the Amazon. Even if you don't understand how it works. All right. Even, yeah, even if, and you could say, even if, you could say, even if you don't understand, but you can also say, and you do not understand. We do not understand how, I do not understand how it happens that when I'm sitting, and I remember the sitting as a service to Buddhists, I don't know how it happens that suddenly I feel full of joy. I don't know how that happens. But if I do it for myself, it's kind of like, well, maybe later. When's this period going to be over if I'm doing it for me? This is just like, I'm in hell, actually, by the way.

[28:19]

I just happen to be depressed. I'm frightened. I'm self-concerned. All that stuff can be, these are sentient beings. I'm sitting in the middle of all that stuff happening. It's not. necessarily fun it's not but it might be suddenly it becomes fun now I'm sitting in the middle of a fun fest so I'm having fun but my practice is very wimpy what's the practice? the practice is the Buddha Samadhi but if I'm doing it as a service to all beings then the lights come on Just like if you ask a question to get an answer or to accomplish something, that might be kind of wholesome. But if you ask a question, like bodhisattvas, as a service to all Buddhas and sentient beings, that's what I'm suggesting.

[29:23]

And that's how perhaps you and your home, when you think about sitting before you go to bed and whenever you wake up, When you think about, oh, I could sit now as a service to all beings, that might make your practice consistent. In my case, again, I live in a place where, so that's the thing to do. However, when I get there, if I don't do this for other people, my practice is not wholehearted. If I don't do this for Buddhas, If you don't do it for Buddhas, you're holding back. And it won't be joyful if you hold back. Yes, Charlie. May I offer something to Tracy and everyone? Yes, you may offer something. I didn't really... There's a lot of other things I wanted to do this weekend.

[30:24]

Yes. I didn't really want to come here for myself. I mean, I did. There's part of me that did, and then there's like... I got all this remodeling to do. Can you hear him? Yeah. Can you hear him? Yeah, he's got a lot of work to do. And my friend of mine asked me what I was doing on Saturday. And I told her I'm going to this meditation thing. And she says, oh, you do that a lot, right? Well, you know, at least once a month I go to this day of sitting. And she says, man, I should really do that. That would probably be really good for me. Yeah. I wasn't intending to come here today to help her. I didn't have that wish. I mean, I think on a big scale, I had that wish for decades, but at that point, I was just sort of like, I've made a commitment to show up to Noah Boat every month, as long as I can. And I noticed, I didn't have to have that intention, but I noticed, I realized that

[31:26]

My work of sitting was helping her. So without abstractly thinking, OK, I'm serving all beings, just concretely, I'm like, oh, look, that helps. And it happened again. Somebody asked if I could go to a birthday dinner for their friend at 5 PM today. And I said, I might not be able to get there until 6. I've got this meditation day thing I've got to do. And then I got the group text. And they said, OK, dinner's at 6, so Charlie can be there. So the inconvenience and whatnot of doing this boring setting seems to serve other people empirically. And I don't know how it works, Gracie, but I witness it. So that's where my faith comes from. Okay. Thank you. And it does serve. However, I just wanted to mention to you that if you consider that you're doing it For that purpose, you might still find it boring, but your boredom might be completely filled with joy.

[32:34]

Because you know it helps everybody, but also for you to say, yeah, that's what I'm doing it for, it would make your boring time here full of joy. And we're not trying to get rid of any boredom. We're not trying to get rid of any boredom. If the boredom goes down, thank you very much. If it comes up, thank you very much. I'm here not to be entertained, although I sometimes am. Sometimes it's quite entertaining here. I'm here to serve. And then, even if it's not entertaining, yeah, it's great. It's great to be here. Not to say that I am of service because I am. But I'm here wishing to be of service, aspiring to be of service. Yeah, thank you, Charlie. And so I just want to... I just want to have another big topic, and I'll tell you what it is and come back to it if you want me to.

[33:46]

The topic is to discuss shame and guilt. Diane. No, I know. I'm just telling you, I had that thought. I want to talk to you about this. And if I don't get it today, I'll talk to it online on March 22nd. And if I do get it today, I'll also talk to it on March 22nd. I have an important message to you about shame and guilt. Okay, now back to Diane. So we championed that Buddha nature forbades all beings and all things. Did you say Buddha nature? Yes. You can say that too. And all atoms and all cells.

[34:48]

So my question is, and you also mentioned trees in the Amazon. So does our practice also impact our environment because it activates food and nature or our awareness of food and nature and our environment as well as in quality. Well, we do impact all beings. We do. Everybody, even the people who are cutting down trees in the Amazon, they're impacting and they're impacting us up here in North America. We're all impacting each other. But the Buddha nature isn't just... It isn't really impacting. It's pervading. It's pervading. And the pervasion is silent, unmoving, with no nature, and ungraspable.

[35:50]

And it sometimes needs to appear... to help people realize that it's pervading. Because when they realize this pervasion, they will be liberated from suffering. But even before we tune into this wonderful pervasion of the Buddha body, we're still impacting everybody. We're still being impacted. We are now impacting our physical... All of our atoms are impacting the trees... And the atoms in the trees in the Amazon are impacting us. And the way that all works pervades. It's not really when you become aware of it. Buddha nature, you could say, is an awareness. When we become completely attuned to it,

[36:53]

when we become not the slightest bit different from it, the hair's breadth difference between our Buddha nature and all beings, it doesn't make any sense. So how do we align up all of our, all of the sentient beings, align all of our thoughts, feelings, emotions and everything, how do we make them in tune with this thing that's already pervading us? We just keep to keep an eye out for the slightest discrepancy. And the slightest discrepancy is another sentient being. And what do we do as sentient beings? We serve them. So the discrepancy between this and the Buddha body is non-existent. There's no discrepancy. But if we see a discrepancy, that's a sentient being. And if we take care of that sentient being, we can let go of the discrepancy. And then there is attunement with what? with this pervasion. But if we're out of a tune, by thinking there's some discrepancies, still, when we're out of tune, we're still impacting everybody and impacted.

[38:04]

But the Buddha's not impacting us. The Buddha is illuminating us. It doesn't really impact. It liberates. The Buddha doesn't push us around. The Buddha's light liberates, awakens. It doesn't impact. Impact is sort of what we're doing with each other. Like right now, these words are messing with the molecules in the air. And as a result of my breath coming out and shaking those air molecules, they're bouncing off your ear. So I'm sorry, my breath is impacting you. I'm sorry. And my body gestures, they're impacting you. That's going on. That's basically. And all those things are sentient beings. And the Buddha body pervades every molecule that my voice is resonating with. But if there's a slightest discrepancy, if there's a moment where you're not giving your life in service to all beings without thinking that they're separate from me, giving your life to Buddha, serving Buddha without thinking that Buddha is separate from you, my body...

[39:22]

other body, not two. But if I think they're two, I confess and repent and let go of there being a separation between me and Buddha or me and you. Then we are in a tune with the thing that's already going on, which is the Buddha body pervading every aspect of our life. We're not making that happen. We're trying to let go of any separation from that wondrous Buddha body. Meanwhile, having a body, we can't help impacting people. And we can't help but being impacted by them. They do impact this. And their impact is sometimes quite painful. And also sometimes quite pleasant. All those impacts, all those interfaces, are calling for compassion. And if we're compassionate with them, we can drop the sense of separation and facilitate this Buddha body.

[40:31]

Okay, yes? As you're saying, the discrepancy causes the separation No, no, no, no, no. The discrepancy doesn't cause the separation. The separation is a form of, that's another way to say discrepancy. Exactly. It doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, the discrepancy doesn't cause the separation. The separation doesn't cause the discrepancy. They're the same thing. But what the discrepancy does is it interferes with, it doesn't, the discrepancy doesn't, it fails to accord with the proper attunement. The discrepancy doesn't cause anything. It's just hard to accord the discrepancy with the proper attunement, which is a non-dual attunement, where my body and the other bodies are not two. Where my nature and the other nature are no nature.

[41:45]

So we can notice discrepancies. Basically, sentient beings... are discrepancies. So if the vision of one is no one, if we all walk life, if we sit, if we eat, if we live with no one, no thought, or no separation, no separation, then that's what we call the Buddha way. Is that correct or not? I would say not correct. However, things might be like that, but that's just things being like that. But things being like that is not things being thus. Because that way that you described is actually non-dual with the opposite of that.

[42:46]

What you just described was these things being one without, right? It's all one, yeah. Yeah, all one. So that's part of the story. All one's part of the story, and not one is another part of the story. Difference is also there. We have to include the difference in a close relationship with the all one. that close relationship, that harmonious relationship between what you brought up and all the differences of the world, all the sentient beings of the world, that harmonious relationship, that's the Buddha mind. That's the Buddha body. It's the ability to see the differences in harmony with

[43:48]

The ability to see differences, when you see a difference, if you hold on to that difference, then you fail to accord with the proper attunement. But we don't try to get rid of seeing differences. We realize we're in service of all differences. And being in service of them is necessary in order to not be stuck on them. Because the Buddha body cannot be grasped. It's got to be seen. It's got to be seen with the Buddha body. What did you say? It has to be seen with the Buddha body. Well, you can say seen, but seeing the Buddha body is when you see the Buddha body, you see. What you see is that no thing exists. Nothing exists on its own. When you understand that, that's the seeing.

[44:51]

It's not the kind of seeing that we usually call seeing. No, that's what I'm talking about. It has to be seen by that seeing. It's not seeing by that. It's that kind of seeing. It's seeing that nothing exists on its own. And one more last thing is when you talked about sitting, to me... When I talk about sitting? Yeah, sit, sitting. Sitting makes sense to every particle of the body. It's not it's joyful or it's pleasurable or this or that. It's just, it's the only, in my mind, the only thing that makes sense is to sit. Okay. I hear you. And what I'm saying is that some people agree with you, but they don't do it. And they're sorry.

[45:52]

They agree. The only thing that makes sense, some people are like you. The only thing that makes sense is sitting. Or somebody else might say, the only thing that makes sense is going to no vote once a month. I'm fine. But I'm saying, even if you think that, you still might be kind of not very enthusiastic. about this only thing that makes sense. Some people, this is the only thing that makes sense, and it's been a month since I did it, and I'm really sorry, because I'm not doing what I think is really what makes sense. Like, what really makes sense is to be kind to everyone, but I forgot to do it for two weeks, and I'm sorry. But if you forget that... Being kind to people and sitting, which is the only thing that makes sense, you're doing it as a service. That may help you do the sitting because you have other things that you could be doing that don't make sense. We like to do stuff that don't make sense quite a bit. It does not make sense that I do those things.

[46:56]

They're actually harmful. But I do those regularly. But the thing that really makes sense, it's been quite a while since I did it. So I see Darren... Is your name Darren? Yes. And I see Ellen. Darren? I find joy in coming to sit and receive. Pardon? I find joy in coming to sit and receive blessing of all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. And in that process, enjoy the reciprocal service. Oh, yeah. So he's saying he feels joy in receiving. Right? Yes. And I'm just saying that if you practice as giving, if you practice as service, you wake up to the Buddha's giving to you. But if you sit to try to get something from the Buddha, it may be quite a while before you get anything. Matter of fact, they may say, you ain't going to get nothing as long as you sit that way.

[48:00]

But maybe you take a break from trying to sit that way, and then you say, oh my God, look what they're giving me. Of course it's a joy. But I'm not saying I recommend that you go to sit to try to get blessings from Buddha. Because that's why people do sit. They sit because they think, if I sit, I'll get blessings from Buddha. Well, you're right, you will. But if you do sit that way, you may not be able to see any blessings. You might. But if you sit as a service, you will see the blessings. And how do you see the blessings you receive? Nothing exists. by its own being. Ellen? Well, I just wanted to kind of say that I don't always see this as the only thing that makes sense. Louder? I don't always see sitting as the only thing that makes sense. No, you're not always like her. I do it anyway. You do it anyway, yeah. Yeah, so some people do not see it as the only thing that makes sense and they do it anyway.

[49:03]

And some other people... Also, like you, Ellen, they're partly like you. They don't see it as the only thing that makes sense, and they don't. Most people do not think that sitting is the only thing that makes sense, and most people don't sit. But even the people who do think it's the only thing that makes sense, and even the people who think, I sit, I just sit, even those people sometimes are sorry that they don't do that, basically. all the time. I'm just saying, if you want to do it all the time, or anyway, once a day, if you want to, and be able to sit the whole period without trying to get away from where you are, do it as a service, and do it as a service to the best of all servees, the Buddhas and all sentient beings. I'm just recommending that. Give it a try. you might find that it makes the impossible possible.

[50:12]

Yes? I have a question. I think it's Phukhan's Zengi where it says, the Zazen I speak of is not sitting meditation. It's the Dharma Giga, the Pozumless. So I'm wondering if we... I know you're speaking about the literal sitting, but what's the counterpart that would be just service, no matter what you're doing, that doesn't look like sitting? Well, it would be good to do everything that way. Right. But people don't, given the karma situation of mine, they don't come to me and they say, I would really like to be kind to my husband, but I notice I only do it once a month. How can I do it more regularly? I don't hear that as much because I'm not in the business of being kind to husband business. Of course I am.

[51:15]

But it's not like get together and know a boy and be kind to husband. So it's like it's a sitting practice. But this thing of doing it as a service for the Bodhisattva does everything that way. Like they ask questions that way. They do everything as a service, as a gift. But people come to me particularly about the sitting. Like this is a sitting. And they say I would like to be more regular in the sitting. So then I say, well, yeah. Maybe sitting is like an act of remembering? Or consecrating? What people think sitting is could be what you say. And there's no end to the list of possible things of what sitting is to the people. A lot of people, sitting is just sitting. And some of the people for whom sitting is just sitting are saying, I want to do it, but I'm not doing very well.

[52:17]

In other words, I'm not doing it. It's big spaces. And again, some of the people who are doing it tell me, I'm doing it, but I kind of don't want to do it. I'm doing it because I have to, because I live here in this monastery. That's really kind of why I'm doing it. It would be disturbing if I didn't. Okay, but some other people do do it, and then when they get there, they say, I'm not very happy doing it. Well, if you're not happy doing it, do it as a service to Buddha, and you're not being very happy. It doesn't have to go away. You'll just be filled with the joy of doing it as a service to Buddha. And all such things. And, of course, that complied to everything. I just want to confess that the joy part is a little bit extra for me. Well, the joy part is, one of the ways to talk about joy is, another word for it is enthusiasm. Another word for it is the fourth paramita.

[53:22]

Energy. Enthusiasm. Vigor. Energy. We need it. You cannot do the work without it. So I'm hearing people that are trying to do the work, but they're kind of listless. Or they're trying to do the work and they're just not doing it. They're just not doing it. And they tell me this when they're doing it. They tell me after they come out of period meditation, they say, well, that was great. I'm so glad I did it. It was hard, but it was beneficial. Help me when I leave this place. Well, this is what place? It's the place where it's hard, but it's good. That's the place. It's hard, but I can see it's beneficial. That's the place. When I'm not in that place, how can I practice? When you're not in that place, when you're in the dumps. Okay, I'm in the dumps. Okay, what am I doing? I am serving Buddhas in the dumps.

[54:26]

And then I am filled with enthusiasm. For what? For serving Buddhas in the dumps. We're all going to be in the dumps. And then you're not going to be in the dumps. And then we're going to be in the dumps. Back and forth. That's what's going to happen. How can you be enthusiastic about practicing in the dumps? Well, make practicing right now. Not just for you, because if it's just for you, you're still in the dumps. If it's for you, it's kind of like, for me means get me out of the dumps. That's what for me means. And if I do get out of the dumps, well, I'll probably be quite joyful. But that's not the joy I'm talking about. I'm talking about the joy that's there when you're in the dumps, not when you're being quite successful. as a Zen student, and you're full of joy.

[55:28]

The pearl that we find in Buddhism is not found in an ocean of pearls. The pearl is found in an ocean of shit. And how do we find it? When we're in an ocean of shit, we offer our whole being in service of all Buddhas and sentient beings. Then we find the pearl. And that can be in any situation, but I'm just telling you, people talk to me about the sitting situation. So that's a good place to do it because people aren't talking to you and it may be easier to remember what you're doing when people aren't talking to you. Have you noticed? When you're sitting still, it might be easier to remember what? What was I going to remember again? Oh, yeah. That this life, that this being, that this body is a service.

[56:33]

Then there is joy in depression. Enthusiasm. For what? For the practice, which is an offering, not the practice which is trying to get something. But if you are in the practice of trying to get something, that's another word for the dumps. Did I get that? The dumps is where you're trying to get something. A lot of people are in that dump. They're trying to get something. We can practice there. Yes, Barbara. A Zen teacher once said that every ceremony results in a transformation. And the title is The Ceremony of Zazen. And so I find when I go to the Zendo with other people, there's always a transformation.

[57:37]

I come out a different person. And usually that person is more just equanimous and just okay with things. So... And then I feel like that is a benefit to all beings. But I haven't had the, you know, intention of practicing as service for everyone, but I feel like it just happens because I'm a better person and that I can be, you know, harmonious with other beings. And that is beneficial. Okay, thank you. And what am I saying? You're saying to have an intention to make your sitting in service of all beings. Not just an intention, make it a service, offer it as a service. So what am I saying, how does that apply to what you're doing? Well, I can just say from my experience that I feel like I'm not, I don't have that, you know, I'm not sitting for the sake of all beings.

[58:47]

Yeah, okay, I got that. I'm saying, how does it apply to you? And it seems like it doesn't apply to you. But it might apply to you if you don't sit. If you don't sit. Because you don't feel like, hey, I would like to go sit. The situation you talk, maybe you're not doing it as a service. I'm talking about when it's not like that. Because for most people, it's not like that. So for the people who it's not like that, this is a teaching for them. But I'm also encouraging, feeling like if people approach sitting as a kind of belief that there's going to be some transformation. Well, I think you told us about the transformation, and I think a lot of people appreciated hearing about that transformation. But if you don't sit, you also will be transforming.

[59:49]

We are constantly transforming. It's not like when you practice, you transform. We're impacting. We are transforming. That's what's going on. But are you doing the practice that you want to do? And is the practice you want to do one that you do with great enthusiasm? Are you doing the practice you want to do? And are you doing it wholeheartedly? So, again, people come to me. Some people come to me and tell me that they're practicing wholeheartedly. Some people do that. They tell me how great their practice is. But mostly people say, I'm having trouble being wholehearted. This is a teaching for people who are having trouble being wholehearted on a regular basis. But it's also the people who are just having a great time, they could also do this way.

[60:55]

Yes? Maybe torturing the metaphor, which you talked about, especially in the ship of Pearl. Pearl rises originally from irritation. Yeah, yeah. So we could also say, we're living in irritation. We're living in the dumps of depression. But I'm not just sitting in the dumps just for me. As a matter of fact, for me, I wouldn't be in the dumps. I don't want to be here, but that's where I am. And now that I'm here in the dumps, I see an opportunity to make my life in the dumps of service, a service. And I'm not doing that to lift myself out of the dumps. But it does. Yes? Something that's helped me with my sitting is there's a small group of your students on the East Coast and West Coast and we meet online.

[62:01]

And some people meet twice a day. I don't meet in the mornings at 6 a.m. It's too early for me to be okay. But it helps me to feel that I'm showing up for them as well. So it's just a suggestion. I'm showing up for them? Yes, as well. Yeah. Or not even as well. I'm serving up. I'm here. I'm coming for them. Yeah, that's another way to say I'm here as a service to them. I'm just offering that to people who have trouble. Thank you. Thank you for offering that. I had this funny thought. But I'm not going to say it. Here's what I'm not going to say. How many people here right now are in the dumps? Raise your hand. Okay, thank you. Yeah, we have quite a few people in the dumps here.

[63:03]

Great. Pardon? I was, but I'm not anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Being in the dumps is not a permanent situation. It comes and goes. along with being in the heights. It comes and goes. And because it comes and goes, people come and say, I want to be, I want to do something that doesn't come and go. I want to do a practice that doesn't come and go. Which is the Buddha body. It doesn't come and go. It doesn't come and go. The Buddha doesn't move. The Buddha pervades the entire universe. without moving or saying anything I want to be that practice well then when you're I don't know what wherever you are have it be a service did you did you did you see you were in the dumps did it go away yet

[64:21]

It just did. Pardon? It comes and goes. It comes and goes. And it manifests like as a physical tension. How many people here have some physical tension manifested? And if we continue this long enough, more and more people will have physical tension. Yeah, so where I'm at is... When there's physical tension, I want this to be an offering to all Buddhists. Yes? And this would apply to guilt and shame. I imagine this applies to guilt and shame as well. Yes. When I feel... What's the word? Yeah, when I feel shame, I feel pain.

[65:31]

I think usually when I feel shame, I feel pain. And while I am feeling shame, while I am feeling pain, I wish this being to be an offering to all Buddhas. For the sake of all... beings. Are we quiet now? We're quiet. Are we still? Are we without nature? Are we ungraspable? We are pervaded by that, the sutra says.

[66:36]

Did I tell you about this? Somebody told me this one time was... they said to me, what's that thing, what's that baton you have there? I hadn't heard the word. That was not too long ago. I hadn't heard this referred to as a baton. And I thought, oh yeah, that's a nice word for it. Because a baton is something that, for example, the director of an orchestra uses, right? So this is kind of like something that... we let somebody be the director of this orchestra for a while, and they can use this baton. But then I thought, another meaning of baton is a stick or some, usually cylindrical object, a long, thin object that's passed on. So it's an object used to conduct a symphony, but it's also something that's passed on.

[67:59]

I give this to all of you.

[68:04]

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