equally extend

may i speak about the issue of
being a disciple

have you read a story about suzuki roshi using the expression my disciples at tulsa her
and during a talk and afterwards i asked him but industry
no one here let her in the print
shit i told again yeah once upon a time
forty four years in one month ago
i wish at tassajara and the founder
of taza he was giving a talk and he said something about his disciples my disciple and blah blah i remember but when he said i thought i wonder who his disciples are
so after the talk i said
a russian
imagine your disciples in the taco who are your disciples
and he said
something like
i don't like this but this is a way my mind works
it seems to kinds of students that does are
one kind are here just for themselves
the other kind are here to help others
does are my disciples
so i asked him about it what what did this what it was and then he told me that
but i didn't know which category i blogged in do

i wondered
and i continued to wonder
i think i wanted to be his disciple
but i never actually
hum
new and i don't know now if i am
he said to me one time you are my disciples
but even though he said that i still don't know if i am

it's not like i didn't
leave
that he said that
and it's not like i didn't believe that he was up
wonderful opportunity
for non grasping
it can add a kind of short distance from nice feeling when he said it
but i wasn't sure that i should
when it got
go for that bait
for even though he said at one time
i still don't know if i am
can you hear that
i don't
and i still would like to be i'd also like to be a disciple of dung sean
i have attained the state of half agree with suzuki roshi have not
some the stop that irene and certainly someone stop people tell me i half agree with an half don't for i don't agree with or i do but if you on the average about half many more than half anyway i still want to be his disciple
good
and i also did you hear the story about one time they gave a lecture and said he wasn't enlightened to you hear that one
the limit on hear it again one day he said it that when he was giving a talk to so called ji temple over japan time before we moved
order to three hundred pastry
he said i'm not enlightened
i still wanted to be his disciple
i must say well you're not enlightened you are
but i didn't even know if i wasn't enlightened i thought maybe i wasn't but a will and i did want to be and i do wanna be's disable but i don't know if i am
the next day
it wasn't the next day was about a week or so later week or so and he said in another talk he said i am buddha
i that
good that's better
so do i didn't know i wasn't thinking in terms of am i his disciple are not at that time i actually didn't think of it until he said it
like who his disciples were i think i wanted to i wanted to be a with him
in such a way
that he was realize that i'm there
just in case he wanted to offer me something
i put myself in his life so that he he wouldn't miss me just in case he wanted to offer me something
i wouldn't exactly trying to get something
but i knew i needed something
so i put myself in positions that if he thought i needed something he would give it to me and i can tell after a while he knew i was there
partly because he would like try not to run into me
i can tell you is that maneuvering around me refurbishment them up but i could tell you knew i was there that kind of like a cloud chamber kind of a thing

and i don't know if i am or was his disciple but i think he appreciated somebody putting himself
you know it is way certainly i think you appreciate that i was i was like making myself in part of his life
can remember here he really appreciate that i think you want more people to do it
and i i don't know i don't know the reasons why i got the chance to put myself in a place where he would see me and have to deal with me
but it happened seem to seem like it happened
like and then since i know it since i knew he was there if he didn't pay attention to me i know is because not because he didn't eyes of him because he wanted to pay attention to something
else
so i can deal with that was like or he might have said something to me if you knew i was there but he didn't know if they're know he knew i was there
and then a night in the i can see how i related to the way he related to me cause he
i was there to for to relate to
one of susie garages teachers
was his second teacher his first teacher he became a successor to
his second main teacher he didn't become a successor to but he studied with him for a long time is first teacher is geocaching stolen dai osho
and he lived in the same temple with him when he was young boy until he was until your courage and someone dying
what actually judges on moved out of the temple and went to another temple to become the habit and disagree she stayed in that temple and became abbot of the of his teachers temple so they weren't living together right to the end of geocaching song
one's life until they lived together for a big part of secure issues young years
then out just go get so a dime cigarettes she studied with the unloaded teacher who lived nearby his temple named kisses our he on roshi
he's ah tian rashi was a a noted scarf of the treasury of true dharma eyes
by the
by the ancestor a dog in
so an english we call his his most original work would you wrote in japanese
we caught the treasury of to damage or shrub orgasm and cases are young so security second name teacher was a scholar
that a great scholar of that extensive text
treasury of true dharma eyes
kidzone on also was a scholar of the
of the traditional ceremonies
to practice intimate entrustment there are ceremonies for practicing intimate entrustment
for example we have the ceremony of going into the room
going into the teacher's room and meeting the teacher as one of ours our ceremonies
hadn't won an emmy sometimes recalled up ceremony going into the room
in some time to call that ceremony doxa documents alone or solitary and sawn in this case means meeting so it's a it's a meeting alone or to solitary meeting so it can be understood who said you're you're going into the teacher
room and meeting the teacher alone
or another understanding you're going in there and when you get in there there's only one person there
you and the teacher one person so we do that ceremony
it
of the teaching of sessions
where it is to people who are one
and another ceremony which has also done going into the room is the ceremony called ah i'm transmitting the dharma and kisses are young wizard expert on the traditional procedures
and part of the procedures is certain documents and in one of the documents
it's a diagram in the diagram says the iron person lives here
the iron person is somebody who walks along the iron path which is thousands of miles long and
iron person no matter what happens
they keep going along the path the body start a path
think they don't give up
no matter how difficult it is
they keep going on the path
have
liberating all beings the iron person
so says a garages second teacher teaches our e on
hum heard his teachers teaching about this iron person
no his teacher said to him at least on one occasion
you are not my disciple
and do not kiss his are even said when he said you're not my disciple
you don't you know what he said

kisses are he answered why aren't i or disciple him
his teacher
licorice is to second teachers teacher who said talk told him he wasn't his disciple
said because
oh
when you walked by me on your way to the toilet you don't bother me
if i'm lounging around you don't bow to me that's why you're not my disciple
and then later kisses are eon heard his teacher talking about the iron person
and he was really moved by his teachers teaching so i had this idea i were like my teacher to make me up to a graph
hired person lives here for me
but in that intimate entrustment between them which involved the teacher saying to the students are not my disciple
in that intimate conversation we were having whenever the disciple asked her something that teacher did not give it
so
casey's are eon thought if i asked him for this calibre calligraphy he won't give it to me

i just thought of a funny thing for you know mantova
so then there was a there was a kisses are young teacher
whose name was boxen
had a friend an older man
and whenever whatever that older man asked for he always gave it to him
i'm not i can't say whether that older man was his disciple or not i can't say i don't know
but the story is that whatever that person as for box i gave it to him
so
kisses are even went to the old man and asked him to ask his teacher for the calligraphy iron person lives here
and the old man said okay and he went to boxer and he said would you do what you calligraphic iron person lives here for me
and box sunset is not for you is it can happen

the old mansion confessed
and i'm box i'm starting to cry and said
my disciple
as understood
but i still don't know
i still don't know
but i liked the story
this is another story
but i don't know about
can i tell you so you can not know about it especially if you'd like it especially if you love him to take care of it because now you have it however you may not remember so i can tell to you against them

huh
there's many more store
these that not disc intimate entrustment and
i'll be happy to tell you more but
i see some when asking a question yes this might be internet is not be an intimate investment too
it might be actually it will read but i don't know if we can see it
when you said this morning that you are not interested in being a youtube on had a nice clips on youtube can totally agree with you
when i sat down this afternoon
and i would appreciate if he would share with as what you're thinking i'm why now at first it seems so hot now be terrible but much
have nothing an internet to swirled
i wonder how are you looking backwards to your roots in the narrow are looking for work have got level or higher a while ago a whole weekend was videotaped and it's now one you too
and also at least one other diamond talk was videotaped any hits on youtube so the already is a lot of stuff on youtube so
more could be done and it could be
it could be marketed better and then you get more hits and so on
anyway and andrea from the sofa is already a lot out there and but i can also see the potential
opportunity for their to be more video recordings but whether they should all be automated on the internet now i'm not sure that that's what i'm asking why what's the much that and not sure of that what's the downside of you warrior thinking about it why not put every single women i don't know i don't know why
not
i don't have i don't really need to have a reason for when i don't feel comfortable about something i the only been a while feel comfortable some people might think would be good to be on youtube
in fact the food and the pyramids are not comfortable it's an uncomfortable it's or not it's a not should be a not knowing whether it's beneficial
but the the first thing i agreed to with his big thing dislike this is quite simple the first thing i agreed to a lot back when i agreed to it maple made a big effort to to do it so that i bought
okay
make it available rather just have to be archival but now that i seen the stuff has he got enough for starters
and is so much actually that almost nobody will watch it
but if it's packaged differently into little like three minute things tossing the people are more interested in a three minute thanks in
thanks the some greatest hits hurt
a different
i have to start i'm not yet comfortable with all these things going out there and also i'm speaking to mostly adults here
this talk is not so good for children and children will be able to see it
and the other talk the other talks also were not as intimate as this situation
i'm i'm exposing you to doubt
the the midnight
if the midnight of doubt but the truth shines in the dark of doubt it doesn't shine in the light of certainty
the certainty shines
the certainty of the darkness
is what i'm talking about it
and the song is by somebody who
half breed did not completely agree with his teacher because that's not
really intimate entrustment
so i also don't agree completely with suzuki roshi and i can him figure out how not to agree with and because at orange tandem
but given my understanding i half agree and half don't agree park eighty six percent agree and fourteen per cent don't however
that's that's me and maybe somebody could play up completely agree with them and
and still be grateful
you know
and be intimate i don't know i don't know
but
that's not my understanding and that wasn't dumb to understanding
i then but i don't know it seems like doubt is where
the teaching of such as is shining bright in doubt
he had not been completely sure
in being a human being is where it's at but human beings have doubts if you have no doubts i think you're not fully alive
like some people actually might have no doubts about the teacher and then nigga to know the teacher and and they have doubts
our then they get to know the teacher and they have less out and they get less and less than a finding into a place of really
really intimate and then they have doubts
you can imagine perhaps you can imagine that if you were devoted to a teacher in everything you're asked for she didn't give you you might feel some doubts
and that's the environment
of
for human be
so
i believe in the teaching of such as i believe in the intimate communication which is buddhism and ancestors i believe in buddhists and buddha ancestors
i believe in buddha ancestors which is a leaf an intimate communication i believe in intimate communication
as a real life
and i think the enemy intimate can be communication has slotted difficulties
and i doubt it has faith to because you're not going to even get anywhere near intimacy without faith
with faith even get close enough
to not be sure
to have doubts and to be troubled by them not just like webdav actually printing to get him to be too big to be gripped by the doubt to have it be the way you are like them one of the main things about me is his doubt
and you get there by believing in the relationship the communication so i believe in that intimacy
and
i believe in transforming that belief
through the intimacy
so i believe in the teaching of sadness
i believe in in a conversations throw that my belief will change not chain from belief to disbelief
but to bring that belief into the crucible of doubt and bring it to completion
changing the way i believe i now believe in the teaching and a certain way and that way i do not want to get stuck him
i don't want to be a disciple of my own beliefs
but i
i need a conversation to help me from i need some people to disagree with me
and i do have some people disagree with me
maybe i need more than i've got but i've got some
i don't get too much disprove too much disagreement i don't think it's gone off the top of into
i don't feel like the amount of disbelief and disagreement has gotten to be excessive i think it's somewhere between perfect and not enough
as a further question at the risk of being curtains for a further question at the risk of danger from an argument with perfect and the up go ahead and my friend from present a
i'm longing for you teach us something about how to have a powerful relationship or not with this image in our culture now it wasn't an overcast day so i don't know how to respectfully relate to it and you know the talking about intimacy
eight i want to hear you say you don't think the internet can be used that way or maybe carry i just feel like this is it
the world that affects me my warm a lot of us and i was going to help sort it out if you have the
well i do know
the way of relating to the internet is don't turn away from editor for touch it don't turn away from it her touch it
sykes i i have a meeting i bet invited to next monday which is talking about how to market zen center
teachings on the internet or she's a cop the marketing language marketing on did today to discuss marketing language for the zen center offers on the internet i'm gonna go and listen to them
and my job will be to listen
and see if i can be upright while i'm listening
and listening to what people are
the language but also listen to how i feel
to listen to me feel uncomfortable about certain language like marketing like market
and like not marketing do not market how do i if it isn't like we turn away from the word marketing know we don't turn away from it and we don't touch it
we don't turn away from the internet we don't turn away from the twenty-first century
but we don't touch it either we are present an upright witnessing it with compassion
and from and from there we enter into the midnight of the situation and we're fought and we can we are guided to say i don't know what i'm comfortable with that language and then people say well thank you for your contribution made me go ahead and used the language
i'm uncomfortable with
maybe
but or maybe i don't say anything because they don't ask me and i just sit there and feel uncomfortable can really see how you feel i say uncomfortable then when i say uncomfortable and i'm looking into myself to say
are you leaning away are you turning away from it when you say uncomfortable are you trying to are you touching when you say as my job
their job is to listen to me to question me or to ignore me my job is no matter what they're doing
to work within like a fool
and deal with
hi fi or how what i'm thinking but my dad is not to believe my thinking or disbelieve my thinking
my job is to
remember that my thinking and
you're thinking is like a great mass of fire
see what a wonderful
but the truth of it will be revealed when we have the proper practice with it
so
i'm gonna go to the meeting probably and listened to this
and and feel things and think things and i might not say anything but they'll probably ask me it and of meeting are saints and few having to say
and i'll say
as tracy
the i have a headache today as trace
yes i was on the thankful for that very generous answer you're so welcome i was happy to give it a night
can i really appreciate your generous questions
an oh johnny and john thank you go into this morning as you are speaking and just now too
i i wanted this suspend the the thinking about a or disagree
because i think whole hearted listening suspense agree or disagree
yeah i don't shine half agrees and half does not agree but that his expression of dispensing with both yes and the intimacy is in the whole heart of listening i think you know and listening to agreeing and disagreeing but he didn't when he was listening
ing
he didn't just always agree with his teacher but but he didn't cling to not agreeing and he didn't claim to go to agree
therefore
here therefore he sings his song
agreeing and disagreeing can actually stop listening
or you can listen to agreeing and listened to disagree with and listen to them and let go of them while you listen to you can hear the next agreeing and disagree how wonderful
yes
i'm not sure i want to set off the beaten path okay
yes
oh forty second that the garrick was next door what do you think you said eric care i think your next i might be wrong by
ah can you talk about how
i'm not touching helps us dance with the twenty first century hundred not touching yeah
ah
not touching his i think you dance better with something when you're when you're upright with it said not touching means that do it is a dimension of being interviewed
are not leaning into it like a like a fire not leaning into the fire but this is talking this is structured how to be intimate with with whatever not touch him and trying to control
i'm glad allows us to have her own strengthen our own integrity and receive and receive that whatever the integrity of what we're meeting
else that that kind of not touching i mean it's not it's not touching which does not at all turn away
it's not touching which does not withdraw or advance
no no withdrawal know advancing
then everything is
the sweet do
don't know care original
original subject diverse you know whether or not your suzuki roshi student or the site
i just wanted to offer my opinion based on observing number of years of education
who's your the ideal i think very strongly that you are his disciple based on this or on his definition of what his disciple machine oh
hmm and on how are you doing with that opinion
al-qaida leader
here you know that our time and north to warrior
that sounds like was that sounds like he's my disciple
hello i'm not saying the years though because this sounds like it doesn't if if i were going to work me every restaurant i will take a to hold buzzword bingo
oh it's a bingo shape and as those words and you can sit there took a law firm if we will discuss the early for psych and use twenty-first century to help me how to deal with three percent chance rather than what a similar complete rower you can map
a
okay maybe you should come as my attendant
car and
really technological equipment and the people last new question they say please consult
we shouldn't give you the right answer if mowbray consultant to the meeting with certainly elevate your stature perfect the down
an hour time i thought aware of addressing what i
how would kind of cope would be brought to this needing to know that the thing about filling water down by the river as for produce teaching so there's that thing and and as the thing about not selling a dharma when she forgot i just wonder what that looks like selling the dharma what would that look like so i guess the question
what my mind when you're going to bed
i heard a rumor that somebody said if you described the program like this people will not click you can described it for him like this they will click it
hello
the
anyway

they're selling water by the river and then there's also going up the river
and there's also what are they were gonna get the stream for coloring book of never going up the river used to do what they say i'm going to prison house on the phone like sing scene was after up the river from from new york and also the state penitentiary minneapolis's and been so it's also up the river but then it's also
getting was a called he washed down the river
there is possibilities here with the river
how failed
screaming
have
yeah
why you guys last night
have he described with program
i'm how do you describe the program
i don't know what program they're talking about new your program on my program how to describe it yeah
contact
and i am really tired we do please asked simon

the answer the holidays i was really good answer me
i don't believe that the numbers
when i was a scary man and as elysian us as alone
today and
the sky
ah
he's around the
i'm surprised though i was to be him
thank you for another indescribably wonderful day
good old know about