I heard a rumor that two people were talking, and one day they were talking about what kind of teaching, what kind of teachings I offer, and one of them said, well he just says the same thing over and over. But good, it's good. This year, which in a way seems to be more than half over, I have dedicated, I have been dedicated to the study and understanding of delusion, which could be rephrased as the

[01:49]

study and understanding of affliction, or the study and understanding of defilement. There's a Sanskrit word, klesha, which can be translated as delusion, affliction, or defilement. Its root, the etymology of the word is stain, or dye, like to dye a fabric. Something that kind of spreads throughout some fabric. And so when there's delusion in our mind and heart, it kind of spreads through the whole mind and the whole heart. Now the reason for studying this affliction, or this delusion, is that I've heard, and

[02:57]

I often repeat, that Buddhas are those who study and thoroughly understand delusion. Some non-Buddhas, some living beings who are not completely realized Buddhas, also study and study delusion, but don't yet understand it. And some actually study and understand it, very thoroughly, but they haven't been studying and understanding it long enough to be a Buddha. However, those who study and understand are basically in the same practice as a Buddha. And even those who study delusion and don't yet understand are definitely warming up to, or getting ready for the actual meditation practice of a Buddha. But the topic of affliction

[04:04]

and suffering and delusion, to be studying that, you're basically moving towards the Buddha way, and when you understand delusion, you're really on the Buddha way. However, there's a long path after understanding delusion. This understanding can get deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper. So, to spend a year devoted to studying delusion is really just a little bit, but that's what I said. And then recently, I have enlisted the aid of one of the most important treatises in the

[05:05]

Great Vehicle of the Path to Buddhahood, and that text is called Summary of the Great Vehicle, or Embracing the Great Vehicle. That's a text by that name, Summary of the Great Vehicle, by the great Bodhisattva Asanga. But also, aside from the text, I'm also wishing to embrace the Great Vehicle by studying delusion. And people come to me with delusions and afflictions, and I listen to them, and as I listen to them tell me about their afflictions and delusions, I'm trying to embrace their afflictions and delusions, which is my understanding is that's also trying to embrace

[06:12]

the Great Vehicle. The Great Vehicle means all suffering beings moving towards Buddhahood. So, we need to embrace all forms of affliction with compassion on the Great Vehicle. If we slip up and do not embrace some being with compassion, then we are temporarily, in a sense, falling off the Great Vehicle. But then we can notice that, and be honest about it, and repent it, and re-enter the compassionate embrace of all suffering beings, the compassionate embrace of all delusion. So, this teaching of the Great Vehicle, it starts out by describing the

[07:35]

creative process by which delusions arise. It proposes that there is a consciousness, there is a cognitive process, which is unconscious by ordinary standards, which supports the arising of what we ordinarily consider conscious states. So, it's proposed at the beginning of this instruction on embracing the Great Vehicle, that there is this mind, this unconscious mind, which supports the arising of all conscious states of delusion, and that this mind is hidden and unconsciously stored in all active states. So that right now, in our active consciousness of being in this room together

[08:42]

with these people, in this active consciousness where we're aware that it's daytime, and that I'm talking, and you're listening, in those active consciousnesses, this unconscious storehouse consciousness is hidden. And all these active consciousnesses are also hidden in the storehouse consciousness. So, this is an example of me saying the same thing again, to say it over and over until it takes hold of your consciousness, until it's in your heart and mind, the way it's in the hearts and the minds of the great Bodhisattvas, who are meditating on this mind, which supports all active minds, and this is a

[09:48]

meditation on how delusion arises. This is a meditation on the dependent co-arising of affliction. The Buddhas study the creative process of suffering, and by studying the creative process of suffering, they realize freedom from suffering. So, today there's so much suffering, so much misery, and 40 years ago there was so much suffering, and so much misery, and 45 years ago there was so much suffering, and so much misery. And I was living in Minnesota 45 years ago, and I was

[10:49]

thinking of how I could help in this world, what could I do to help? I was in graduate school in psychology, personality psychology, and I heard some things that impressed me. One of the things I heard was that somebody said, the people who are making the most creative and vital contributions to human culture, are the people who have a sense of the process of change. It's not so

[11:51]

much who knows the most, because I was in graduate school, and there was some encouragement for me to learn more. My advisor was encouraging me to read more journals. But I heard this other message was, well, it's nice that some people have lots of information, and know a lot, but have great knowledge. But this other person said, the real leaders are the people who can sense where knowledge is going. They may not know a lot about psychology, or physics, or philosophy, or biology, or whatever. They may not know a lot about it, but they can tell where it's going. They may not be so skillful as musicians, but they can tell where music is going. So I thought, I think maybe I would like to be a process spotter. And then if I was a

[13:14]

like a newscaster, a news commentator, and I would go on the news, and I would not just tell people what happened today, but give them a hint about what's going to happen tomorrow, or where today is headed. I thought that would be very creative. And I still feel that in this world of suffering, to speak in the most vital and creative way, we need to be immersed in the creative process. Which includes we need to be immersed in the creative process of the mind. The creative process of delusion. Because delusion, I think, is in a sense the main thing that distracts us, or obscures the creative process. The delusion that we're separate makes it difficult, if we

[14:20]

believe it, to see how we're creating each other, how we're working together in the creative process. And I think the same person who made this point about the process spotters are really where it's at. The people who can tell how the amassed knowledge is moving to a different amassed knowledge. He also said that in order to spot the process, the thing you need to train yourself is not to get more information, but to develop your senses. And he made some comment, and the eastern spiritual traditions, they kind of specialize in training the senses. And I agree in a sense that the eastern traditions, the Buddha way being one of them, is to train the senses, to learn to use them, to discipline them, so that we can enter the process of

[15:34]

creation. And then from that place, speak with authority in this world of suffering. So here we are in suffering, and if we're in this creative process, we might say, you know, it might be good to go this direction. Or it might be good to give up that. Or it might be good to remember this. It might be good to stop that. It might be good to help over here. It might be good to do this, it might be good to do that. But everybody can talk like that. Not everybody, but most people can make comments like that. They see the situation, they say, you know, I think this would be good. But almost no matter what you say, somebody else disagrees. I think it would be good not to, you know, make lots of holes in the ground in Alaska, in order to get natural gas and oil. Somebody might say, I think that. Somebody else would say, no, I think it would be good to do that. And the person who says that it would be good to do that might have a lot of money, so that they can, you know, have that amplified and broadcast in a very strong way. But somebody else might have not much money, but they might have an authority, which comes from speaking from creation.

[16:57]

And even though they don't maybe have enough money for their words to be on many TV stations and all over the internet or whatever, there's an authority in what they say. Not because they're smart and not because they're dumb, but because they have somehow entered into the creative process of delusion. And being there, they become conduits for the reality of dependent co-arising of delusion. And being in the dependent co-arising of delusion is the same place as the dependent co-arising of enlightenment and the authority of the Buddhas. But Buddha might not go on TV. But Buddha might. I was actually thinking of going on TV. You know, being like Walter Cronkite, but from the position of maybe being trained in Zen and then be Walter Cronkite.

[18:14]

Although I thought he was pretty good, actually. For example, one time, I think I saw, it was like a political convention, and there was, you know, a real crowded situation, like, you know, the national convention to choose a president, and these people are there, and they're moving through the crowds. And if you saw some famous person, some famous TV commentator moving through the crowd, and you talk to them, you know, they might be, you know, not have, especially if you didn't have a camera with you, they might just sort of say, excuse me, I've got to get through here. Or they might even be irritated with you and mean to you. But I just remembered that somebody, he was actually being filmed, but he didn't know he was being filmed. He was being camera-ized, but he didn't know that a camera was on him. And somebody came up to him and talked to him, and kind of on his way somewhere, and the way he responded to the person, even though he didn't think anybody was watching, I thought was very kind.

[19:26]

You know, it was a very busy, crowded situation, but this famous person could talk to this ordinary person in the crowd, and I thought, if I was in a position to speak, and I could have that kind of compassion, that's what I would like to do. But I felt like I needed to be trained in order to be able to do that. I could do it a little bit, I could want to do it, but I needed to be trained in order to actually be able to do it, even in a crowded, busy situation. And so I thought, well, maybe Zen meditation would be good. And I still think maybe it is. But Zen meditation, and now I speak of Zen meditation as how to relate to what's happening in such a way that you plunge into the creative process of afflicted states of consciousness. So, some of us may never be on TV, may never speak, we may speak to people, but we may never speak to some of the people we'd like to speak to. We may never get the ear of people who disagree with us.

[20:49]

But we might. For example, you might go into a grocery store, and where the people in the grocery store think it's really a good idea to drill holes in the land and put lots of chemicals in with the drilling equipment, because that's necessary in order to get the natural gas. They don't particularly want to poison the land, they don't particularly want to cause the natural gas to go into the drinking water, that's not their point, they just want to get the natural gas. But they might know that the price of getting the natural gas is to pollute the drinking water, not just the drinking water, but the water, period. Some of which you can drink. So, they may know or they may not know, but let's say they do know, and they think, well, it's so important to get this natural gas that I'm sorry, but the people who live around here are going to have explosive water coming out of their tap.

[22:01]

And now there's movies you can see where people actually can light the water coming out of their tap, in places like Wyoming and so on, where there's this huge reservoir of natural gas, and where they have thousands and thousands of wells going into the land there, and the people who live there have explosive drinking water, plus they're also getting sick. Not so much from the natural gas, the natural gas makes their water explosive, but the chemicals that they put into the land to do the drilling is making the people sick. And some people who are doing this drilling, and even the government officials who allow it, are saying, well, you know, I understand, but there's no kind of energy that's perfectly pure. Even the sun, you know, can give us skin cancer. So, then they say, so, you know, got to let them do it.

[23:08]

Who can say to them, can we stop this please? Could we reconsider this until we find a way to drill that doesn't make people sick? Who can say something so that people who disagree with them listen? Who can go into 7-Eleven and speak to the people in 7-Eleven who are Republicans or Democrats, who agree or disagree in such a way to protect beings and to get beings to study themselves? Well, I say the person who can do it is the person who studies delusion. Everybody can say something, but the person who has the most authority is the person who studies her delusion all the time very deeply.

[24:14]

There's a Zen dialogue which goes something like this. Who can untie the bell strings around the tiger's neck? You know, people put bell strings on their cats to protect the birds. I guess in ancient times some of the tigers had bell strings around their neck too. Who can untie the bell string? And the answer is the person who tied it. The bell string was put around the tiger's neck when the tiger was little, probably. So they go out in the forest, they find baby tigers and they put bell strings on them so when they're little and they grow up, people know the tigers are coming. Here come the tigers. Let's be careful now. I can hear the bells. Those are tiger bells. The person who's going to be most likely able to untie them is the person who goes and ties bell strings around tigers.

[25:25]

It still may be difficult. But maybe they put the bell string around very kindly and the tiger says, oh hi, it's you again. And this person says, actually I'm not going to take the bell string off you, I'm just coming to say hi because I think it's good that you have it on. But I could take it off if it would be helpful. And the tiger might say, yeah, would you please take it off? This makes it harder for me to hunt. The person who can dismantle delusion and affliction is the person who's there at the origins of delusion and affliction. And maybe it's not even a person. It's the being, not even a person. It's a being who is immersed in the creative process. It's a being which is nothing other than the creative process. It's nothing in addition to the creative process. The way of being in the creative process without being a person actually, or not a person.

[26:28]

That being, that way of being actually, that way of being is the way that has the most authority. To speak in the presence about what's most important for the welfare of all beings. This book, this treatise on the Embracing the Great Vehicle, teaches that the physical world that we live in, which has all these questionable ways of relating, all these ways which seem to be harmful, that are going on in the physical world, this book teaches that that physical world is our shared consciousness. The physical world is, according to this teaching, is consciousness. And that consciousness can be transformed.

[27:35]

We know the physical world can be transformed, and we have some problems with some of the ways it's been transformed. We also know that our mind can be transformed, and we have problems with that too. But this book's talking about, by working with your mind, with your delusions, the basis of the delusions, the storehouse consciousness, which is the basis of all deluded states, that basis can be transformed, and the deluded states can be transformed, and the world can be transformed. It's not just that we work on our own mind, and we become transformed and liberated. The world simultaneously gets transformed and liberated. The physical world is entailed in us working on our own mind, according to this teaching. It may not be that this meditation will, in the near future, stop abusive energy exploitation of the land, and the sky, and the waters.

[28:43]

It may not stop it. But it may bring peace, even before these abusive practices have stopped. And in peace, some of these abusive practices might stop. So, I'm again saying the same thing over the night before last, talking to Tracy over in Berkeley. There's a slight difference between embracing delusion and studying delusion prior to entering into the creative process of delusion,

[29:43]

and studying delusion and embracing delusion in the creative process. Studying it prior to entering the creative process, there's still some sense of separation from the delusion. And the activity of embracing the delusion is still somewhat dualistic. To be kind to delusion has a positive evolutionary effect, I say, has a positive evolutionary effect on this consciousness, which is the physical world. However, it does not by itself cause liberation in this physical world. In order for there to be liberation within this consciousness, which means liberation from this consciousness, in this consciousness, and it means liberation from the physical world.

[30:51]

It means liberation of the physical world without the physical world changing right now. And again, once liberated in the physical world, we become the most effective agents in the physical world, once freed. We can then speak with authority about how to be in the physical world in a way that will be most peaceful and beneficial to all beings. So, if I'm now feeling dualistic, or thinking I'm separate from you, I can be kind to that sense of separation. If I'm now afraid of you, if I'm afflicted by being afraid of you, I can be kind to that fear. If I'm involved in gain and loss, I can be kind to that involvement with gain and loss. And, you know, people are crying out about gain and loss, you know, economic gain and loss.

[32:03]

People are very uncomfortable with the situation. People are like going, oh no, we lost all that money, and then they're going, oh, but we gained all that money, oh, we lost all that money, oh, we gained all that money. And it's very painful and scary. So how do we relate to it? How do we meet this with compassion? If we're compassionate to it, I think right away, actually, maybe we feel some benefit and some positive transformation of the situation. Even though, at that moment, things are just the way they are. But if we continue to practice this way, we enter into a deeper realm where we are actually free and more effective than before. And, again, I have this little course, which I've told you about before, which has basically six steps, or seven.

[33:15]

So the first step is, you could say, commitment. Second step is relax, or relaxation. Third step is play, or play. Second is create, or creation. Third is understanding, or reali... not third. One, two, first... Creation is five. Creation is five? That's what you said. Commit... Relax, play, creation. ...is five. Six is liberate, or liberation. You've changed the list since Thursday. Thursday there were only four. The first one was love. The first one's love is commitment.

[34:19]

I didn't say what to commit to yet. Commit to love. The first one is commit. Commit to love. Not just love, but commit to love. Commit to compassion. Then you can relax. To relax without committing to compassion might not be a good idea. But once you're really committed to compassion, then the next step in that would be to relax with your commitment. Not relax your commitment, like give it up, or abandon it. But don't be tense about your commitment. This is a big, important thing. Great compassion for all beings. Now let's relax with that. Because we don't just... Again, if you're committed to compassion, that still is good. That still transforms the world.

[35:21]

Because it transforms the mind, which is the world. Compassion transforms the mind, which is the world. Not the world of reality, but the world of suffering is the mind, the storehouse consciousness. And if you commit to compassion, that transforms this mind. But you have not yet entered the creative process, which leads to understanding and liberation. And again, practicing compassion is one thing, and practicing compassion does transform the mind, which is the world. It transforms the world, which is the mind. But when you commit to love, when you commit to compassion, it transforms it more deeply. That's the first step.

[36:24]

Okay? Did you have a question? Just the difference between compassion and committing to compassion. Can you say the difference again? Well, like, I might say, I would really... May I help you with... Is there anything I can help you with today? And I might feel... Or you might tell me, I'm feeling terrible, and I might say, I'm here. I'm here. Is there anything I can do to help you? And I might be really trying to be generous with you. And I might feel uncomfortable to see you suffering, but I might be practicing patience with that discomfort. And I might be practicing ethics. You know, like, noticing if I'm thinking, let's see, how can I become a famous helper of this woman? So I'm practicing compassion towards you. And it's good. And that transforms the mind which is the world. Okay? And then the next moment,

[37:28]

you start doing something else, and I don't practice compassion. And I... That's that. But if I am practicing compassion with you, like the example I gave before, and I say... And I commit to continue this with her. No matter what she brings to me, I commit to continue this practice. Then the next moment, if I don't practice compassion, I feel really bad. I feel not good. Because I said I would continue. Not just... Now I feel good being compassionate. Now I'm not being compassionate. But so what? I didn't say I would be. So you would like us to not feel good. I would like you to not feel good whenever you're not compassionate. Right. And if you commit to not being compassionate, if you tell somebody... If you commit to being compassionate, and then you don't follow through, you don't feel good. Bodhisattvas who are not practicing their vow do not feel good. People who... But some people are not practicing good who a moment ago practiced good,

[38:30]

and they feel fine not practicing good because they didn't promise that they would. If you promise to tell somebody the truth, and you don't, you feel worse than if you didn't promise. And they feel worse too. Because you said you would. Tell me a story. Tell me a story. Tell me a story. You promised that you would. So... If you just say, OK, I'd like to be kind to everybody, and then you relax, and I say, well now, you know, I'm relaxed with that wish. And actually I don't want to do it anymore. That's the relaxation that is not going to promote plunging into creation. But I want to be good, I want to practice good, I want to give up harm,

[39:31]

and I commit to it, then I can more likely be able to dare to relax in this world of affliction. If you're committed to being generous, if you're committed to being honest, you can more easily relax with what's happening. And I propose it's necessary to relax with what's happening in order to be able to play with it. And it's necessary to be able to play with affliction. It's necessary to be able to play with delusion and ignorance in order to enter into the creative process that gives rise to ignorance and suffering. Ignorance, karma, suffering.

[40:34]

Ignorance, karma, suffering. Ignorance, karma, suffering. Ignorance, karma. In order to enter into the creation of that, we need to enter into the playfulness with it. Why? Hm? Could you say that why again? What's the playfulness that makes you more... Well, if you see something, like if you see suffering, and you don't play with it, then you think it's the way it looks to you. You think this is the suffering, and that's it. There's no room, there's no play in the situation. What is that play? Well, like a child can say, you know, you're a frog. You know, they know you're Tracy, and they can say, you're a physics professor. Are you relaxed, by the way? Totally. You're totally relaxed?

[41:35]

Great. And can you play with being a physics professor? Yes. Yeah. But so what? What good is... You know, I just don't get the point of the play. If you can... But you're... If you can... You don't see the point of you playing, pretending to be a physics professor? You don't see the point of that? Right, and I also don't see the point of playing in your four pieces. You don't see the... The point... You don't see the point of play? About playing and why that's so important. I'm saying... Because if you don't... If you're not playful, you can't enter into creation. And if you can't enter into creation, then... Then you're outside creation, which is where most people think they are. They think there's me and creation. Is it that playfulness allows you to just not take yourself so seriously? When you're being playful, you're not taking yourself so seriously. But that's why it works. That's the easy part. I mean, that's... I think you're saying something more than that. What's the easy part?

[42:36]

To not take yourself seriously? No, no. Playfulness... Obviously, you're not taking yourself seriously. Most people have a hard time not taking themselves seriously. Hard. Hard. Most people... You're very serious right now about being playful. Most people do take themselves seriously, and most people take their suffering seriously. And they take the suffering of some other people seriously. Some people take the suffering of this person seriously, and not the other person seriously enough. But let's talk about whether taking it seriously. Then they need to be relaxed with it. It isn't that suffering shouldn't be taken seriously. It's just that to take it so seriously that you tense up, then you're separate from it. And if you're separate from it, you're separate from the creative process of it. And if you're separate from the creative process of it, you're separated from understanding it. I just don't know what you mean when you say separate from the creative process of it. What does that mean? Well, like you look at something and you think that the thing's over there separate from you creating it

[43:37]

and it creating you. You think it substantially exists separately rather than you're in this process together and you can't get a hold of yourself or the other thing. It's like two people dancing, right? The dance isn't one dancer or the other dancer. It's something that happens between them, and they don't need the one to make it happen, but it doesn't happen without them. And the dance isn't what they think it is, although they do think that it's a dance. But some people are dancing and they don't think they're dancing. And other people think they're dancing, but they're not. But regardless of what you think, the dance is not what you think. But you thinking whatever you're thinking, you could think lots of different things. You could think, well, actually, I'm on the make with this person. I'm trying to impress this person. No thought of a dance. You're doing this dance, but you're actually thinking

[44:38]

you're doing something else. But there's a dance there. There's always a dance. But it's never what we think it is. But whatever we're thinking is part of the dance. So a person is thinking this, and a person is thinking that, and they're dancing together. Their thinking is part of what's going on. If they're thinking something else, it would be a different dance. But it's not what they think. Pardon? Yeah, I think that's right. There's a word... There's a Sanskrit word, cha-cha. Anyway, it's... People... People often feel like I'm here, they're there, they're suffering, or I'm suffering. I wish they would help me. I wish I'd like to help them. And they are not

[45:38]

plunged into the creative process by which this sense of me and her are arising. The creative process by which me and her is arising is the active consciousness that we're separate arising supported by this unconscious mind, which is the world, which is the result of many, many uncountable moments of feeling separate, which support us to feel separate now, or to see separateness now. And then based on that separateness, that separateness, that belief in separateness, is affliction, is pain. Based on that we act, and then we create more minds which support the arising in more afflicted states. We're not talking about stopping that process right now, we're talking about transforming the basis of it. And the way to transform the basis is by doing wholesome things, they transform it,

[46:38]

and as they transform it more and more, then you get to a place where you can hear about making a commitment to this wholesome activity. And based on the commitment to this wholesome activity, based on doing wholesome activity, based on doing wholesome activity, based on doing wholesome activity, you come to a place where you can commit to wholesome activity, realistically, with witnesses, in a community, with somebody who means something to you, realizing that it would make a difference to people, and then you can make this commitment. Then you're getting ready to be able to dive into the process of reality, which starts with relaxing with the situation, and then entering into play, means, again, means there's some play in the situation, which means there's some play in you, that you're willing to, at least temporarily, pretend to be the other gender, or you're willing to play

[47:43]

being open to what the other gender thinks of your gender, or what the other gender thinks of your view of the other gender, and you're willing to sort of be open to that, maybe to accept what they think about you, and to hear that they think that you're really off-base, and to do that in a playful way, not really, if they say, you know, you really don't understand, not to grasp that as, yes, that's the way it is, I don't understand, but also give up, let go of, I do understand, but don't rigidly hold, I don't understand, and if they come and say, well, you do understand, then say, okay, I do understand, then take a hold of that, but lightly, and then you start to enter into the creation, and then from there, you start to understand that delusion is not reality, and reality is not delusion, and again, when you understand that,

[48:44]

you don't hold to that, you're playful with that, so you enter into the creative process of your understanding, and then you become free of this world of affliction, and from that place, you are liberated, and you can liberate. Yes? I was thinking about this, and there's a place I got stuck in, maybe you can help me, I feel like I'm in a sand trap. Ah, she's in a sand trap, now are you going to play in the sand trap? Well, I'd like to play, but can I describe the sand trap first? Yeah, what color is the sand? I don't know, it's really white hot. It's white sand? It's white hot, and it's really dry, and dusty. It's a dusty sand trap, they didn't water it down before you started playing in it? Right. So, I was thinking... Actually, I think that's good that they don't spend too much water on this golf course. Yes?

[49:45]

I was thinking about the general alia, that the physical world is a manifestation of that. And then the thought came, well, the physical world is in a kind of degraded course, and there aren't maybe enough of us putting the kind of energy that you're talking in to tip the balance, and there are more people kind of creating this degraded world than not, and that makes me want to weep. That makes you want to weep? So, I don't know how to play this. You don't know how to play with the weeping? That discouragement. You don't know how to play with weeping and discouragement? Well, now we're in one of those situations again, where he's going to say the same thing again. So, here we go. What's he going to say? He's going to say, commit to compassion. You know, start all over, even though you already commit to compassion.

[50:46]

Start over. I commit again to great compassion. Great compassion means now I commit to being kind to this weeping and kind to this discouragement. Discouragement, and discouragement of this world, welcome. This is the discouragement today. I welcome today's discouragement. You are welcome to come and dump discouragement right here. This is a discouragement dumping area. And I am committed to embrace this discouragement and embrace these tears with great compassion, which means generosity. Ethics means be very careful, because you've got to be careful of discouragement. If you're not careful with it, you can, you know, you can not only be a sand trap, but you can hit yourself with the wedge. You know, pull the wedge out of the golf bag and hit yourself in the head with it,

[51:47]

if you're not careful. So, here we are in the sand trap of, we're stuck in this sand trap of discouragement and fear and tears, and we are Bodhisattvas, but in the sand trap, we're going to practice compassion with this sand trap. And we're committed to it. And now, it's time to start playing. Oh, there's a golf bag here. And there's a golf bag over there. And I have a feeling that person thinks they own that one and I own this one. I'm going to actually say, can I play with your clubs today? You know, I'm not taking this so seriously for me getting my ball out of this sand trap. I'm concerned with playing, not winning. And so, maybe I'll just have this, I've got such a strange idea that I would actually borrow somebody else's clubs. Person, use your own clubs. Say, well, why don't we just trade clubs for a while?

[52:49]

I mean, I know I have clubs, but I was just thinking maybe we could trade. And some people might wake up and say, that's really an interesting idea. I'm calling the police. Are you willing to go to jail in order to liberate all beings? Well, I'm already in jail. So, of course I'm willing to go to jail to liberate all beings. I voluntarily entered jail. I entered this sand trap to liberate all beings. That's what I'm here for. I'm in hell. I'm in sand trap discouragement hell. I got here to help all beings. Now I'm here and I'm going to practice compassion here and also going to play some and actually ask people if I can trade compassion tools with them. Can I have your patience for a while? Sure. Thank you. You've got it. I'm giving you my patience. And then keep playing

[53:50]

until we feel like, whoa. Whoa, I don't even know what's going on now. This is what it starts to seem like when you're actually in creation. You don't know who's doing what anymore. And so, again, you have to practice. You have to keep practicing compassion and be generous towards the fear that might arise. Before I was discouraged and now I don't even know what discouragement is anymore. So now I'm afraid. Discouragement was bad, but at least I had discouragement. Now I don't even know what discouragement is or who's discouraged. I'm really scared. I don't even have any possessions anymore. I used to at least have some. I used to have some tears and a body and golf clubs and discouragement, but now I don't even have that. I'm getting scared. You have to keep practicing compassion when you get scared when you're starting to be successful. Successful in compassion and now because of being successful in compassion you're starting to be a little successful in wisdom.

[54:52]

But as you start to be successful in wisdom you meet some things you haven't been seeing for a while or you've been pushing away. Like, for example, the ungraspable nature of our relationships. The fact that who you're looking at, you don't know who it is, actually. You don't know what you're looking at. In creation you don't know what you're looking at. You don't know if you're looking at yourself or somebody else or neither or both. And actually you think none of those categories actually work. Those four categories don't work. Who you're looking at is not you and it's not you and it's not both you and not you and it's neither you and not you. None of that. You can't get it with any category and that can be pretty scary. So you have to keep practicing compassion in order to stay in the creative process. And the longer you stay there the more you understand. And the more you understand the more liberation. Now, has the world been completely healed at that time? Yes and no.

[55:54]

I mean, in a sense it has been liberated and in another sense a lot of people don't get it yet so I have something to say. And so you speak from there. You express the fruit of liberation and wisdom. The fruit of compassion and entering into the creative process of delusion which is Buddhahood. You express it. Yes? I have an idea of something you could do for my benefit beings. Yes. Propose it for your consideration. Yes, but before you propose it could I say something? It's important. He noticed that he had an idea of what would be beneficial. Okay? So now we're going to hear an idea of what's beneficial. He's going to propose this idea. Yes? I thought you could set up a Facebook account or a Twitter account

[56:57]

and you could make comments on the news in this perspective you've been developing over your lifetime. I think that would be beneficial for me and for others in this interesting time we're in. Twittering times. Twittering times? Twittering times. I hear you. This is an example. He's saying something to me and I'm committed to embrace him with compassion. And part of compassion is to welcome the idea and then another part of compassion is to be careful of this idea and be careful of my response. To be vigilant, you know. That I'm being honest about what, you know. And to be patient with perhaps a little or at least a little discomfort

[57:58]

about whether I'm going to start Twittering and Facebooking or not. Okay? So, honestly, I feel at this point the step has been taken that these words that are coming out of my mouth now will go on the internet. So that's happening. And at first I thought this is really weird that people are listening to me through a computer but I've been trying this for a while and it seems to be going pretty well. Nobody's saying, would you please stop making yourself such that people can hear you on the internet. So I've been doing that for a while and it seems to be alright. However, I am not looking at a computer right now, I'm looking at you. And I'm able to feel like,

[59:00]

yeah, I'm willing to be compassionate to this person who's making this suggestion and I hope I can be compassionate to this person who makes other suggestions which might be even more challenging. But I'm not talking to a computer right now. And I find that when I start looking at computers I don't necessarily feel like I'm... I have trouble actually embracing the computer with compassion. It's harder for me. So, if I can find a way to feel that I'm embracing living beings and also embracing my own state with compassion and I'm entering in a creative process with this computer there and this Twitter equipment, then I would do it. But it's going to be... that would be quite a stretch. It would be a new dance for me to learn. And so... but I'm willing to try. But basically people want to have various communications with me

[60:00]

in ways other than what's happening right now. What's happening right now is face-to-face. And this can be recorded and people can listen to us. And people will probably be listening to us have this conversation. But I don't have to stop being face-to-face with people for them to hear me say this. But for me to go away from people and do this with a computer, I'm not sure yet that that would be authentic for me at this time in my evolution. So... but I hear you and... And that's my question, you know. Because I feel like... Again, I didn't quite finish what I was saying. People ask me if they can keep in touch with me from around the world. I'm not yet doing Skype with people. Some people are and I say OK.

[61:01]

But for me, I just feel like it's hard for me to do these things. I've tried to do it a little bit. I just feel funny about it. I don't feel comfortable. I'm not sure it's beneficial for me to do it. So I say to people, I'm sorry but I'm kind of a face-to-face person. But I appreciate that you're saying this and now the world can hear that you've asked me and the world can hear that I'm dealing with that request and not sure that I want to enter that realm. Partly because it's also partly... Just to give another example. About maybe 10 years ago, approximately, maybe even 15, I retired from doing weddings. Wedding ceremonies. And part of the reason I retired from it was because I felt like other people are... Many other priests are able to do that at Zen Center now.

[62:03]

Some even want to. Want to start or want to continue. And I feel like other people can take care of that. But there are certain things which I feel like if somebody asks me to do, not too many other people can do it. Like, for example, a funeral. I still do funerals. I haven't retired from that because I feel like not so many people can do that. And also, nobody gets divorced after their funeral. Everybody is totally committed and never goes against that commitment. Of the funeral. So, I've retired from that in order to work on things which other people aren't doing. Like this text.

[63:06]

As far as I know, nobody else... It may be that nobody else is studying this on the planet right now. I mean, in terms of like studying with a sangha. Some scholars are working on this text. But I don't know if anybody else is discussing this with people. It's something which... It's not going to be a best-seller, this book. People read this and I think very quickly would quit. Without a lot of encouragement from somebody like me. So I look at what are the things which I can do that nobody else can do and I can barely do those. So, maybe other people... It's more like their generation or their phase of evolution in their practice that the Twitter and Facebook thing would be. That they could do it.

[64:11]

In some sense, you could even say, for me. You could do it for me. You know, you could even say, can I do something for you on Facebook? And you could tell me what it was. And I'd say, yeah. So in some sense, the people who are using these, if they're working with me face-to-face in some sense, I'm responsible that they're doing it and they're responsible that I'm doing what I'm doing. And that is conveyed through their internet life. But I'm not closing the door on what you're requesting. I'm just telling you a little bit about how I kind of come to a conclusion about where I'm putting my attention and I'm mostly putting it in face-to-face. The Twitter stuff will go on, potentially. The Twitter and Facebook stuff can go on more or less endlessly, right?

[65:13]

Yeah. But this face is only around a little bit longer. So I kind of want to do this physical thing as long as there's this physicality. And part of me doesn't want to do it much longer because it's so embarrassing to have a body. I kind of would like to die tomorrow. Why it isn't before it gets really embarrassing. But part of me feels like, no, I should just keep offering this more and more embarrassing situation. For you to watch how I can't remember what I, at the beginning of a sentence or something, to watch my speech become more and more slurred, to watch the saliva drip down my cheeks, to watch me going blind and not being able to hear. For you to see how I deal with such an embarrassing physical degeneration might be a special gift that I can give.

[66:21]

But on internet, this physical embarrassment isn't really... If I can't finish the sentence, it's like, not that big a deal. I can't even remember to press the send button, so nobody knows. Can't find the send. Can't even get on the internet. But even if I'm not on the internet, if you see my deteriorating body and how I deal with it. So when I watch Suzuki Roshi die, I have often said this, I was sitting there one day and he, he was in the Dharma Hall and the Buddha Hall at City Center, and he looked at me, and probably other people may have felt like they were looking at them, but he looked right at me and said, things teach best when they're dying. And I thought, why is he saying that? And this was just nine months before he died.

[67:24]

He knew he had cancer and hadn't told us. But that really drilled into me, that he was dying and he told me that things teach best when they're dying, and when he said that, that really taught me really well, because he was dying. So now I'm dying, and so my dying, the dying part of me is really teaching well. And I just don't know how that comes over on Facebook. We'll see. But I must admit, it is a little embarrassing when I'm speaking, and I have to really work to get the K there at the end of the speak. Speaking. It's like a big effort to pronounce these words. If I don't make a pretty big effort, then the words kind of fall off the edge of my mouth. The edge of the tongue. I hear this slushy sound.

[68:26]

It's kind of embarrassing. Yes? You say you say the same thing. I feel like I ask the same questions. I don't ask a question I think I keep asking. But new, right now with you, okay? Let's split, okay? So I had dinner last night with a friend who is very into Tibetan Buddhism. Quite a serious practitioner. Yes? I had dinner with a friend last night who is a very serious Tibetan practitioner. She kind of sought me out. She was very excited that her passion for the world is now at the level of anger. So she thought it was a very encouraging thing that she's so committed to the area of food justice. Food? Food justice. She's really passionate and informed

[69:28]

and she was excited that she sees people drinking out of bottles in grocery stores and she was practically grabbing the bottles away from them. Yes? And I saw, for her it felt like no, here's my question kind of as a Zen practitioner I felt like I was remembering what you said the night before and starting with love and then these four steps and I was thinking, she's not starting with love right there it doesn't seem. She's starting with anger. And then I think, maybe my job now is to have a loving response to her anger. Maybe that's the most helpful thing I could do. Watch the word most. Just drop the word most and change it to maybe that would be helpful. And I would say yes, maybe it would. Continue? What I was questioning is

[70:29]

is my commitment to having the world work or to saving all sentient beings it felt like I got confused because on one hand I think like you were saying, maybe more people should be grabbing bottles away and not letting bombers go up in the air but then I'm thinking, but the Zen path says nope, no matter what it is just be loving. The Zen path is definitely absolutely one thing is absolute and that is be loving. That's absolute. Buddha is absolutely loving. No exceptions. Okay? That's absolute. Absolute in the sense of that is complete, utter commitment of the Buddha is to love all beings. But without attachment. That's why we need the playfulness and so on. And your friend

[71:32]

who is happy to be angry now about this stuff to some extent you say, well shouldn't she start with love? But maybe she already did start with love. Maybe she already did commit to the welfare of all beings. That's her basic commitment. And now she's happy she's got anger. But when I heard you say that I thought you know, caffeine is not all bad. Caffeine is not absolutely bad. Nor is anger. Is that what you're saying? Nor is anger. And as you may have heard people who are committed to the welfare of others a lot of those people say that self-righteousness and anger are the sugar and caffeine of welfare work. Some people are committed to the welfare of beings but when they get angry they get up and

[72:35]

exercise that commitment. And they feel good to exercise that commitment. But it is like caffeine and it's got drawbacks. So you know if somebody needs your help and you say I'd like to help them and I'm committed to help them but I'm too tired if anger would help you get up and help them maybe it's okay. But then you're going to have an interview dip after that. So it's better to do it without the anger. But if you can help somebody and you won't do it if you want to help people and you won't do it if you're not angry well maybe being angry I know some great yogis who drink coffee in order to do their yoga. Can anger be intentional so we won't have a drip? Yeah, you might even learn that. You just say, okay, I want to help people

[73:36]

I have to get angry again, I'm too tired now to go and do this thing for people but I'm going to think about how terrible it would be to not do it and I'm going to get angry because I think if I get angry I'll get up and work. Some people do that. And it's not all bad. But the point is that at this level of working I think we haven't yet hit the pay dirt of creation. When you get into the realm of creation you don't need caffeine anymore you don't need sugar all you need is rice. You do need some rice otherwise you're going to you do need some rice or you do need some carbohydrates not right away because you can use your body, your body can break down but you don't need those things because you're in touch with this fabulous energy of our relationship with each other.

[74:36]

Then you're cooking you don't need to get yourself rolling but sometimes in order to get yourself rolling you have to say, okay, now okay, I'm going to practice, I'm committed to compassion. And then you start doing this compassion work and you think, well maybe I'll go and take these bottles away from people but again, how can I this has got me going now, I'm about to take the bottle away now again I start practicing compassion maybe I'll say, may I have that bottle, could you donate that bottle to me I'd like to talk to you about that bottle. Now you come back to generosity so you're committed to generosity but sometimes you get tired to get angry about generosity in order to practice generosity and then after you're practicing you can drop the anger and just do these compassion practices. It's not all bad to get angry it can be temporarily expedient

[75:41]

we shouldn't be rigid about no anger the Buddha was very emphatic about anger but he wasn't rigid, he said if you're into hatred you're not my disciple my disciples are not into ill will he was emphatic but he wasn't rigid about it he was very creative and wonderful and he loved beings who were into hate he loved them and he loved beings who were into compassion, he loved them both but he said those who are into ill will are not my disciples and those who are into compassion are I love you but you're not my disciple when you're into ill will and you can be angry with no ill will I hate it when I don't do good but then you're all tired out from that at least you said I want to do good

[76:42]

but then you pooped out from that excessive energy displacement so it's better maybe to say just to say I hate it when I'm not good okay now I'm going to be good again I told you this story when I was 12 years old I was really enjoying being bad because that made me very popular I was like one of the leaders in my school at being bad I did some things which none of the other boys and girls dared to do I got to go to jail when I was 12 years old and none of the other kids in my school I lived in an upper middle class neighborhood none of the other kids had ever been to jail I had went to jail I took a car from a gas station 12 year old of course I didn't have a driver's license and I didn't know how to drive

[77:44]

so the car got crashed up and then the police captured the the car thief it was not classified as grand theft auto it was classified as taking the car without the owner's permission so I went to jail and when I went to a dance the night after I got out of jail it was like a ticker tape parade it was like well here he comes you know and in my apartment building where I lived there was a big man who loved me I was a big boy I'm not very big now but I was a precocious 12 year old I was like 5'6 and weighed about 150 pounds at 12 but there was a man in my apartment building who loved me and he was 6'4 and he weighed 240 and he loved me and he was 1946

[78:48]

national heavyweight golden gloves champion and he said to me you know it's easy to be bad what's hard is to be good and I thought ok I'll try to be good if that's hard I'll do the hard thing and it has been hard it's easy to be bad actually but it is hard to be good and sometimes if you're committed to be good sometimes you have to get angry in order to get yourself going it's ok but it's better to sort of say it's better to stop and go you know it's hard to be bad it's easy to be bad and it's hard to be good and it would really be good to be good and I really want to be good and I really do want to be good and in that way work yourself into a frenzy of energy to do good but not, the shortcut is just get angry

[79:53]

and self-righteous and boom but to work yourself up by contemplating how good it is to practice compassion until you feel more and more yes it would really be good and I would like to be good even when everybody is cruel to me and even when everybody is polluting and throwing these plastic bottles all over the world and making huge piles and making a lot of money I want to practice compassion that would really be good then if I could be compassionate in such a terrible situation wouldn't that be wonderful wonderful, wonderful thing if I could be compassionate when things are really really bad when people are really really rude and attacking me, I would like to come back with treat them just like somebody who is praising me and I would also like to treat people who are praising me just like people who are attacking me that's what I want to learn and that's stories of people who related to attack

[80:57]

and praise the same way those were another thing that led me to Zen and I wanted to learn how to do that that's what we are talking about here but still, a little bit of anger if it helps us do that, it's ok yeah I was thinking about often when we talk about anger we are not thinking about something necessarily positive maybe more negative or violent but the idea of play and anger you see it a lot when kids are playing we get so serious about our anger that all thoughts of playing with whatever we are angry about seem to disappear you just now just sort of did it yeah, right, exactly so when there is anger I'm not talking about using anger to do good but when there is anger then we should be compassionate to the anger

[81:58]

and play with the anger and be creative with the anger anger is a perfectly good opportunity for compassion and creativity and wisdom so no matter what absolutely we should be compassionate to anything including ill will the Buddha was compassionate to ill will and the way he was compassionate was he said this is not my disciples, they don't do this but that was his playfulness, he was playful with them he wasn't rigid you are not my disciple but I love you and I'm going to teach you that you are not my disciple and I'm going to teach you how to be my disciple but right now you don't seem to want to be you want to be not my disciple and you succeeded you're not but I'm your friend and if you would accept that then you would be my disciple if you would accept my love then you would be my disciple if you accept my love there is going to be no ill will there if you would accept this love

[82:58]

and some people said no thanks Buddha, I don't want it and in the next minute they did they were ready so yeah, but again we have to be committed I think to non-violence in order to be playful with violence otherwise it doesn't lead into the creative process where we are not separate from the people in a violent way in a separating way could you please I don't know the word teach me, initiate me, help me into embracing as much as I say I do like to embrace or I do embrace others and I do embrace the teaching but truly down deep I feel I don't because if I was doing it I would be a total different being

[84:02]

than who I am today well I would say commit to being compassionate to this person who is not the person she wants to be you are not quite the person you want to be if you tell me that then I want to be compassionate to you who is not yet the person she wants to be I want to be patient with you who is not the person she wants to be I want to be generous towards you who is not the person she wants to be I want to be careful with you who is not the person she wants to be and I want to commit to that and then I want to play with the person who tells me she is not the person she wants to be and if I was looking at myself I would do the same practice now I am playing with you to tell you to do the same thing with yourself that I want to do with you and although I want to do that I might occasionally

[85:04]

lose track of that and not really accept that you are not the person you want to be and say why don't you be the person you told me who you want to be and you are not doing it and I could even do that perhaps in a loving way and I am really generous towards you and I really appreciate you and I am really being careful with you and I could talk to you that way but in my heart maybe I really, really am not feeling nasty towards you and I really, really don't think I am better than you and I really, really am calm with you and I really, really am not nasty with you and I am really, really gentle with you being a person who I know you don't want to be or being the person who is not yet who she wants to be. I am patient with you not yet realizing all the things you would like to realize and I am patient with myself being not yet fully realizing who I want to be so I wanted to be this person who when insulted and when praised basically

[86:08]

responds to both the same way kindly and the same way basically. I wanted to learn that I have learned it a little bit in these 40 some years and I am happy that I learned it a little bit I am glad that I learned a little bit and I am patient with that I haven't learned it a lot or completely I am patient with that I am not always that way and when I am not that way sometimes when I see that I am coming up short I sometimes notice it I am honest about it, I am patient with it and I am generous towards it sometimes and that is what I came to learn and sometimes I practice what I came to learn and when I don't then I do the same thing I just said again that is my vow so noticing that we are coming short on what we wish to be is part of the practice that I want to learn because we are always kind of short

[87:10]

until there is complete Buddhahood so we do this practice of noticing that we are not quite there until and actually beyond Buddhahood so none of us really have if you understand that we are all heading towards Buddhahood all of us have not quite realized who and what we really are who and what we really want to be all of us I don't know somehow in some part of me I do feel Buddhahood and Buddha is and there is nothing more or less or wish or not wish then I keep being that I see that I am that and then I am not you keep seeing that but without a certain kind of practice it seems like we are not even though that is the way it is without a certain kind of practice it seems like it is not

[88:11]

and so when we slip in the practice we slip in the realization and it takes a long time to never slip in the realization and when we do slip in the realization we have a realization in a sense because we have a practice which is realization when realization meets lack of realization realization practices with it in a certain way when realization meets the lack of realization then realization practices with the lack of realization in a certain way it practices compassion towards the lack of realization that's realization in the case of lack of realization and there are all kinds of playful ways to work with that but this is a very well established principle of the Buddhadharma is that enlightenment meets lack of enlightenment with compassion

[89:11]

well established lack of enlightenment meets lack of enlightenment with cruelty and punishment and impatience and non-generousness and you know blah blah blah I'm better than Eunice but wisdom and Buddha's enlightenment meets all these shortcomings with compassion and it plays with these lacks it enters into creation with them and then when it offers its gift of compassion the compassion comes with authority it isn't just compassion it's a compassion which understands that what it's compassionate towards is not separate from itself and this is the most effective compassion so we need compassion we need to join it with wisdom in order for the compassion to be fully sweet and fully nourishing

[90:14]

and fully startling and awakening so thank you very much for letting me say the same thing again may our intention equally extend to every being and place with the true merit of Buddha's way these are numberless I vow to save them delusions are inexhaustible I vow to end them dharma gates are boundless I vow to enter them Buddha's way

[91:16]

is unsurpassable I vow to become it and now we have a practice called lunch it's a great bodhisattva practice actually I'd just like to mention once again one other thing I repeat often is that there's eating lunch before and after enlightenment

[91:42]

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