The word that is traditionally used, or traditionally used in the early days of Buddhism, or a scripture, was sutra in Sanskrit, or sutta in the Matali. It refers to the thread, that runs through teaching. Literally, the thread that runs through a stack of palm leaves that they wrote, you know, teaching Dhamma for sutra means thread, literally. It's interesting that the Chinese word for a sacred scripture is called Jin, like Yi Jin.

[01:04]

It also means that piece of thread that runs through Chinese books. It's important for me, myself, and it's important for me when I'm talking to you, that we have some sense of of a thread that runs through everything. Am I speaking loud enough? That when I'm talking I'm referring to something or I'm speaking from I'm trying to speak from a return to this thread, this thread that runs through everything, thread that connects us all, the thread that we share, the one thing we all are concerned about.

[02:18]

On the pages of the scriptures, on the pages of our lives, a lot of interesting things may be written. And each of us may think of something quite clever, quite lovely. But tonight I'm concerned about what in the words that I speak connects with you. So when I think this way, I feel pretty serious.

[04:28]

And I also feel sincere. I don't always feel that practice is difficult or life is difficult. But often I notice that it's difficult, and often I hear and I feel that life is difficult for others. And trying to find a way to go on with life, that's also difficult for many of us. We don't want to get so serious that we become despondent or lazy and use the difficulty as a kind of laziness.

[05:40]

But what is the right amount of seriousness which energizes and encourages us to go forward? I looked up with the word serious and also the word sincere. And of course there's different etymologies, but the etymologies I found for serious had to do with to bind or to hang on a scale. Had synonyms for serious like grave, It's all over. It's over. You have to deal with not something that's important, rather than trivial things.

[06:51]

Consider it a responsibility. as many of the associations that you may have. The word sincere, the root relates to the seer part. And the actual root is K-E-R, which is related to a word like serial of the Greek goddess of agriculturalists had the name something like cereal. In this case, K-E-R refers to growth, to grow. And the prefix S-E-M means put together with K-E-R-O, means of one growth. So again, when I think about the word sutra,

[07:55]

I think about the word sincere. Sincere meaning of one growth, one piece, of one thread. And when things get difficult for me, sometimes I jump around a little bit and wiggle. I do that for a while, but it stays difficult. Pretty soon I stop wiggling, maybe, and I become one piece. Sometimes the difficulty doesn't keep up, and I wiggle and get away. But if the difficulty continues long enough, I finally realize that any kind of wiggling Doesn't seem appropriate.

[08:58]

Doesn't seem to be the appropriate response. And finally I settle into one thread. I become sincere. I become wholehearted about surviving the difficult. Kaya asked me one time, what is the fruit of our practice? And I said, our practice is fruit practice. Or another way to put it is, the fruit of our practice is practice.

[10:13]

If we are ever able to practice authentically, our reward for that would be the practice. The other possible way is to turn this idea, but basically that's where I start. So in the midst of difficulty, And there's plenty of it around, apparently. An appropriate response, a sincere response, a wholehearted response could be considered fruit.

[11:21]

But it is also a way to practice with these circumstances. But now I'm talking to you and, you know, part of me would like to entertain you, make you laugh, make it happen. Happen in a way that I can see right now. I feel good to see your face smile. And sometimes if I go to somebody else's lecture and give a lecture where they start talking and everybody smiles, I think, well, nice. So I want to be nice like that, too, and do something that will smile.

[12:26]

Because it looks so nice when I see people give lectures that people smile. Club jokes or something, people smile, I feel it. I feel pretty successful. Because a smile, a laugh, is a kind of relief, a kind of release from seriousness. Which is good. I think definitely you should be released from seriousness. But I guess I'm emphasizing to start with seriousness. And then you can re-initiate yourself any time you want. But I'm not being too fine tonight. Part of the reason why is because I kind of want to face the fact myself. I don't want to use you as an excuse to wiggle away from the facts of my life.

[13:30]

Part of what I'm thinking about is that right now, here in the city and also in Greenville, we have a practice period. And part of the reason for having a practice period or part of the function of a practice period is you gather together some people who are pretty sincere. who are already pretty serious, who actually believe, to some extent, in the usefulness of practicing the way of enlightenment. And by having a training period, it's an opportunity to, I don't know what to say exactly, but deepen deepen or, yeah, deepen or something like that, this faith.

[14:49]

You'll work a little deeper for six weeks or 12 weeks to confirm this faith through some kind of intense practice. So that's what's happening here now, and we go to And we're heading toward the seven-day session. And after that, the practice period will end shortly after that. And so I feel I want to gather together the whole time that you've been practicing and bring it to bring it to a focus so that some sense of connecting the whole effort between months or the six weeks whatever the traits might be again i'm reminding myself about this and i want you to also have some sense of the wholeness of your practice

[15:59]

I want it for you because I want it for myself. I feel more, again, more sincere, more serious and more subtle and more sober when I connect my whole life together. One of the themes that I've been Two things that I had brought up during this practice period I'd like to go over again tonight. Some of you haven't heard about this, probably the first time maybe. Myself, when I was attracted to Zen practice, was first of all from the story of the Zen practitioners, their behavior, stories of their behavior.

[17:19]

I heard about this, I read about this, and I was inspired by their example. And I thought, this is the way I want to live. And then later I heard, I found out that that most of the people who I heard about shared in a common practice, common language, that there was a kind of thread that ran through, a practice thread ran through all their lives. And they called that, in Japanese, they called daven, of sitting practice. I was happy to hear about this because then I could, in some sense, although I couldn't necessarily behave like them, I could do something that all of them did.

[18:21]

I could do something that they all shared. It was very attractive to do that, so I tried it. And when I started doing it, I forgot about trying to be like them. And I just enjoyed this. the practice that they did. But now, since that time when I found out about this, I've been doing that practice. So for about 23 years I've been sitting, almost every day, And this is last week I was thinking, and I often think about this, particularly in the fall and autumn, I think probably chances are I'll keep doing that until I die.

[19:30]

I'll keep spending my time sitting and aware. I think what a strange thing to do. What a strange way to spend your time. sitting cross-legged a good portion of your life. And yet I think I probably will continue. I have some real, I have some, I have some feeling about this that's very hard for me to express to you. And I wonder, actually, perhaps some of you also might think now that you might continue sitting for the rest of your life. So, after I started practicing sitting, I found out that there was more to the Zen practice than just the sitting.

[21:26]

And recently, actually quite recently, I found out Well, not so recently, but then anyway, after I started sitting, I found out about taking the refuge in Buddha. I didn't know, I didn't hear about that or know anything about that when I first started sitting. And I didn't know anything or hear anything about this when I heard these stories of these wonderful Zen practitioners. I didn't know anything about, I didn't know what Buddha had to do with it all, or that did have anything to do with it. But I heard about taking refuge in Buddha, going home to Buddha. And then, more recently, after that, I heard about the practice of repentance and the practice of confession.

[22:30]

And I heard about giving rise to the Father enlightenment. And then as I studied more and heard more about from these Zen practitioners, their writings and so on, I found out that actually a part of the Siddhi practice, which I liked so much, was producing this thought of enlightenment and taking refuge in the Buddha, the teaching and community, and also repentance and confession. When people first come to this Zen center and they want instruction in Zen meditation, we just show them basically how to sit. I don't think we say anything about taking refuge in the Buddha.

[23:33]

Do we? No, you don't say anything about it. We don't say anything about taking refuge in the teaching or the community. We don't say anything about producing the thought of enlightenment. Do we? Some people may be good, but it's not part of standard basic instruction. And we don't say anything about repentance when people first come. So it's kind of a funny approach, in a way, because when people first come to the Zen Center, we actually put them, in a sense, into the... We put them into the fruit practice, so to speak. We give people a practice, in some sense, which is the end of the practice. And then people try to do the final practice. And they have trouble.

[24:36]

They can't do it. I mean, they think they can't do it. For example, they try to sit still, and they can't sit still. They try to have... You know, a little while later they find out that sitting, just sitting, is actually complete perfect enlightenment. People have trouble understanding that. And various other problems occur to these people who are doing this practice, which is really the result of perfect practice. Have you heard about this problem people have? I think everybody had that problem. After a while, not right away. I didn't have the problem right away myself. Immediately, lovely dog had no problem with it. But later I had some problems. And even after I had problems, the teachers I met didn't tell me, well, you should take refuge in Buddha.

[25:41]

You should give rise to the Father enlightened. You should repent. They didn't tell me. And after quite a few years, I found out about thought of enlightenment. And again, after quite a few years, I found out that some of the teachers tell the people that you must produce the thought of enlightenment before you practice zazen. If you don't, it's not zazen. And then it was even more years after that that I found out that the thought of enlightenment is not something you can produce. And it's also not something that somebody else can produce. It's something that's born in the communion with awakening, with Buddha. It's not exactly born in you or in awakening.

[26:42]

It's born in the communion of awakening or with awakening. That's where the thought of enlightenment is born. When the thought of enlightenment is born, then when you sit, the sitting is complete, perfect enlightenment. And the sitting takes care of this thought of enlightenment, protects it, nurtures it, helps protect it from being lost and forgotten. But before that communion can occur, we must take refuge in Buddha. I didn't hear about this, but now I've heard about it. And now I need to hear about it. And before, before, I don't know, maybe I've said this already, I can't remember, but before you produce this thought of enlightenment, you need to, you need to throw yourself into Buddha.

[27:48]

into dharma, into sangha. But you throw yourself into it, not by going out to it, but throw yourself into it, but not as an object. So you sort of throw yourself back into it. You sort of dive back into yourself as Buddha. You dive back into yourself as dharma. That's all. And then I found out, as I said, that in order to do that, you have to repent. You have to clean up. Perfectly clean up. And what you have to do to clean up is basically admit your ancient twisted karma. Ah, holy. If you admit part of it, that's not what we mean by admitting. Actually admit it.

[28:50]

Then you can make refuge. Then you can produce the thought of enlightenment. Then the thought of enlightenment can be produced. And then you can practice dogma. I said that before. I'm saying it again to reiterate this thread. So again, what happens at Zen Center for many people is they try to practice Avalanche. And when they try to practice Avalanche, a lot of junk comes up, conflicting emotions, turbulent experiences. Many things happen, doubts. frustration, failure. Because when we first start practicing zazen, many of us think, well, I'm going to do it.

[29:55]

But if you try to do zazen, you can't do zazen. Because zazen is born not by you doing it. It's born out of enlightenment. Enlightenment is something that you do. Zazen is not something you do. Zazen is the result of enlightenment. It's the fruit of enlightenment. So you have to be enlightened for you to practice that. So then people try to practice Zazen and they can't do it because they're not enlightened. But they have a lot of interesting experiences trying to practice it. So what they do is they practice, they try to do it, and then they do all these things. And then these things don't work. So then they realize that actually they have to produce a thought of enlightenment in order to practice zazen properly. And when they don't realize it, maybe somebody tells them.

[31:03]

Maybe they say, I can't do it. Maybe someone tells them, well, you can't do it. Of course you can't do it. You don't do zazen. Zazen is a thought. And you have to be pretty enlightened to let zazen do zaben and not interfere. Then people say, OK, well, I'll try that. But then they can't do it because they didn't take refuge in Buddha. When someone says, well, you should take refuge in Buddha. So then they try, but they can't do that because they didn't repent. Naturally, the practice, when you try to do Zazen, naturally the practice of Zazen teaches you things you have to do before you can do it. But the strange thing about Zen practice is, at least in America, is that we let people try to practice Zazen and then when they try it, they can't do it. And then they find out what they have to do to get ready to do it. That's a strange kind of reverse practice that we have.

[32:06]

of letting people do a practice which is perfect enlightenment, and then they have problems from then on. And the problem that they have keeps them the things they need to do in order to do the practice that they've been doing all along. And in some way, I don't know if this is silver or not, but it seems to be the advanced style. Other styles are, they say, here's the practice of enlightenment, and you've got to do all these preparations to get there. and some people like that style and they go places where they tell people how to get ready for this great teaching with great practice but some people don't like that style they like to immediately do the practice which is enlightenment and you can do it go ahead and then find out you can but then you say well actually now we have to deal with it so you have all these things so i'm saying After all these years, and I'm just in the middle of the practice of this white gun, or I might die now, so I'm again towards the end, but if I live another 20 or 40 years, I'm in the early part or the middle part of my practice.

[33:18]

And now after about that long, after about 20 years, I realize, or I think anyway, not realize, maybe I just think now, that I need to do something very basic in order to get my practice going. And so I'm starting to do it. I'm starting to confess. I'm starting to repent. And I'm telling you about this, and I'm telling you that from what I've heard, we all have to do it. So again, it's kind of a strange thing, but then Buddhism was imported. It's kind of like a Trojan horse, you know? They snuck in the door. And once they got it inside American culture, they opened the bottom, out came all these other practices.

[34:22]

Departing enlightenment, taking refuge in the Buddha, repentance. They never could have got it in. They never could have got it into our hearts. Some people's hearts, Buddhism could have been, for some people, Buddhism could have been out front and said, Repent, sinners. And everybody says, sounds good to me. I'll do it. But for a lot of us, this is not what attracted us. What attracted us was enlightenment. What attracted me was enlightenment, not repentance. I didn't hear a story of them monks repenting. I didn't hear a story of the Zen monks going in to the temple or to their teacher and saying, I did this and I did that and I really did it. And I'm really going to go on now and practice now that I've admitted this. And I'm going to take refuge in Buddha and Dharma and Sangha.

[35:26]

I didn't hear those stories. Of course, there are millions and millions of them, but I didn't hear one. What I heard was stories of people who interacting with other people like a Buddha. And I thought, gene? And then I thought, oh, he put it through sitting. Great. And I did the sitting. It was a wonder. And then I got in trouble. And now in the middle of the Darwin Ocean, now that I'm out there 20 years in the middle of the ocean, Now I find out, oh, I've got to do this other stuff. I've got to produce this great enlightened mind. I've got to keep it alive and protect it. Oh, and I have to take refuge in Buddha. I have to keep finding Buddha. Oh, and I have to repent. Every day? Once a week?

[36:27]

Every second? How often? I don't know. And then I'm in the strength position of being a Buddhist priest, too. So I've got to give a lecture. Now, if I give a lecture, should I hide the fact that I found this out? Probably I should. But I didn't. So now you all know. I don't know what you're going to do about it. But anyway, I'm out in the middle of it. And... I'm connected with you, so now you're connected with me. And you know probably I have now. And the practices I need to do in order to practice this practice that I've been doing all these years, but actually I haven't really been doing it right. And it's not like tomorrow I'm going to start doing it right either.

[37:28]

Of course I've been doing it right too. Because the way I've been doing it, it's finally led me to realize what I needed to do to do it right. But I had to spend 23 years to figure out what I needed to do to do it right. But it is a practice that I was doing that finally showed me what I needed to do. What time is it? My car is broken. The transmission is not working.

[38:30]

It works a little. But it's very fragile. It actually does work a little. Matter of fact, my car, I probably could drive for 20 or 30 or 40 more years. If I drive very carefully, or if I just drove it around the parking lot, it probably would last for a long time. But if I want to take it on the highway, I'm going to have to have the transmission fixed. And I kind of feel like that about my practice. I can drive, my practice can ride around the Pringles parking lot probably for a while. And then the people will let me.

[39:30]

I mean, maybe they won't let me keep my car at Pringles for 20 or 40 years. Maybe they'll say, you know, I've been parking here a long time. I mean, I'd say, well, You mean you let people who take their car on the highway to keep it here, but those who just drive on the parking lot and . Why not? It's not right. I haven't been sharing. Now, see, what I'm actually doing is when I have to go to San Francisco, if I don't walk, I get a ride from somebody else whose transmission doesn't work or whose transmission we think will work. So in some sense, I'm repairing my transmission by writing other people's talk. You understand? This is true. This is what I'm actually doing. I mean, it's true. In other words, I'm not kidding. I'm literally doing this. This is not a metaphor. I mean, it is a metaphor. But it's also not a metaphor.

[40:37]

In other words, either I'm going to get my transmission fixed Or I'm gonna stay in the Greenbelt parking lot, which is okay. But if I wanna come to San Francisco, I'm gonna have to ride in other people's cars whose transmissions do work. Or I'll ride in other people's cars whose transmissions don't work and we'll break down on the road together. This is actually, unbeknownst to me, I stumbled upon, this is my practice. I'm riding in your car using your transmission. And if your transmission doesn't work, we're going to fall off together. And line, even if I jump right in here, line doesn't work really well. This is what's meant by

[41:42]

Taking refuge in Buddha. This is what's meant by taking refuge in Buddha. Namely, until I figure out, not exactly figure out, but until I actually take refuge in Buddha, in other words, take refuge in the mind of all living beings, I can't practice asana. I can't drive my own car until I can ride in your cars. And if I ride in your cars and you aren't taking refuge in all sentient being mind, in Buddha's mind, I'm gonna break down your car. So I need to practice thousand truth. In other words, not to sit there with some unlimited idea of what I'm doing. Not to sit there without recognizing what I've been doing for endless time.

[42:50]

Not to sit there thinking that I can do it by myself, but to sit there doing it with everybody. And I actually need everybody to do it with me. Not just that I'm sitting here doing it with all you. I need all you to do it with each other and with me. I actually, literally... This is what I do. And of course, now I find out that I need that, I'm in trouble because I don't have that. I don't have all you doing that. Do I? I don't think so. Maybe I'm the only ones not doing it. Well, fine, then I got it. All I got to do is join me. But I don't think so. I think each of us have to work in this area. In other words, each of us have to ride in everybody else's car. have to fix our own, and also be able to ride everybody else's. In other words, each of us need everybody to produce the thought of enlightenment, to take refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha.

[43:57]

And we need everybody to confess, to own up to what they've been doing, and to go beyond it. We all need that from everybody. So we're kind of a mess. But anyway, that looks like where we are. And that's why, I think that's part of the reason why, or how, that's how I'm serious. That's how I'm sincere. You know, I could have started out by talking about politics. If you think about the political situation, don't you get kind of serious? Of course, you can laugh too, I suppose, but it's kind of a serious situation, isn't it? But that's the situation we've got. The political situation, from my point of view, I'm embarrassed about it. I'm embarrassed.

[44:57]

I feel the same way about my practice. I have a sarcastic, ability or function. So here's an example of it. Do you think that you would not be embarrassed about your practice to live in a country that you are embarrassed of? Does that make sense? Well, my practice is OK. I'm just embarrassed about the country. No, I don't think so. If you're embarrassed about the country, then . They aren't dumping garbage down there. There aren't nuclear power plants in the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Actually, we're taking pretty good care of the Grand Canyon. But there's some other situations we aren't taking too good care of. And some people don't even care about them.

[46:01]

I'm embarrassed about this. I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed. I mean, I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed. It's my responsibility that this is happening. This isn't my practice. I could go on about all the things I'm embarrassed about in this country, but they're exactly the same things I'm embarrassed about in this Zen Center, and about my own life, exactly the same. This country is resisting Buddhism. This country is resisting enlightenment. This country is resisting compassion. This country is greedy. This country is selfish. This country is a bully. This country is arrogant. This country does not confess its sins. This country does not take refuge in the teaching, in the Buddha, and the community. It does not produce the thought of enlightenment, and it doesn't practice.

[47:05]

Because it doesn't do those things. But I don't do them either. The things I'm embarrassed that this country doesn't do, I'm embarrassed that I don't do. So that's why I'm kind of feeling sort of serious. If the elections had gone differently, I might feel a little less serious, but it would still be a very serious situation. And not just because there's so much murder and cruelty now, Or people, you know, kill beautiful animals to rip off a little part of their body and make some money. Because the world's so tough that they have to do that to live. Not just because of that kind of stuff. But for so many reasons, it's a serious situation.

[48:13]

I mean, I feel serious about it. But I also, as I said, for 23 years I've been stating my life on this sitting practice. And I'm probably going to continue. And now I'm basically, I guess I would say, I'm kind of able to reform, reform about it to myself. And again, it's... I'm sorry to say that those of you who will hold hands with me, you're implicated. Again, being sarcastic, unless some of you have already taken care of all this, and in that case, please excuse me for bothering you. But even if you've taken care of it still, and even if I've taken care of it still, if it's not the end, we have to keep doing it.

[49:14]

We have to keep doing it endlessly until everybody's doing it. Because I really believe that to take refuge in Buddha, which is necessary, you really have to take refuge in everybody's practice. So if anybody's not doing it, none of us are doing it. So I confess tonight I got a little carried away, or maybe I got really carried away, I'm sorry, if I offended you or hurt you in any way by talking like this. And It forgive me. I did so. So let's have fun now trying to practice.

[50:21]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_80.25