The practice of Samatha, the practice of calm-abiding. And Elena, would you like me to talk about it? Is that what you said? The focus of tranquility practice, or calm-abiding,

[01:18]

is classically defined as an undifferentiated object. And another way that term is translated is a non-conceptual object. And so, you don't look in tranquility meditation, you're not looking at many things,

[02:27]

you're looking at one thing, an undifferentiated object. So, in the midst of various things happening, like now I'm looking and seeing many faces, and hearing some variety of sounds, so I'm not particularly focusing on the variety of faces and the variety of sounds in tranquility practice. I'm actually like, in a sense, I'm paying attention to the way the mind deals with all objects. Namely, it just knows them without any elaboration, any conceptual elaboration.

[03:41]

So, there's Elena's face, and Fred's face, and Nancy's face with her hands on her chin. And then she raised her hand and put it back on her chin. Did you want to say something, Nancy? I'm not sure it's the right time. Pardon? I'm not sure it's the right time. Okay. So, it sometimes calls a non-conceptual object, but actually the object is, in a sense, a concept. It's the concept of not elaborating on any object of awareness. And this is not to stop yourself from elaborating, but rather to attend to not elaborating.

[04:59]

Even if you're elaborating, you're attending to not elaborating. And attending to this non-conceptuality, which really means non-conceptual elaboration, which is the way mind knows things, it just knows them and that's it. Attending to this, the mind is stabilized in this kind of attention. As the attention is trained in this way, to pay attention to this quality of mind,

[06:02]

the mind is stabilized. So, a shaman does not like actually to try to focus on something. Even though I maybe said a focus of attention. And this quality of mind is present every moment. So, somehow, learning to attend to it is calming and stabilizing. And not only stabilizing, but relaxing and softening, making the mind more flexible. So, usually the mind is aware of like this face, that face, and that face.

[07:13]

But if there's not this kind of stability, there's some rigidity or some inflexibility of moving from face to face, or feeling to feeling. So the mind is somewhat unwieldy and has trouble adapting, because it's stiff and heavy and tired. Well, kind of stuck, yeah. Being rigid is kind of like being stuck and upset. And that's partly because the attention is on elaborating everything, you know. Fixing everything, adjusting everything, trying to control everything. So that's very tiring and heavy.

[08:18]

Whereas, attending to this non-elaborative meeting with everything is relaxing, it makes the mind buoyant, flexible, and so on. It makes the mind ready and willing for whatever wholesome, whatever skillful opportunities that might be at hand. So when you mentioned those two people dying, they seem to be in a room in general, really? And I don't know, I find when someone dies, it's just something...

[09:20]

There's some richness that comes from there. It seems like you were talking about... I don't know, I felt that people were... that when you were talking about one mind, it just kind of had that feeling to me. It just kind of had a feeling of... You know what I'm saying? Would you like to talk about it? I think it would be beautiful. Is there anything you'd like to say at this time? It's kind of like the... I think about it often.

[10:28]

Pardon? It just seemed like something that might be good enough. Yes? I find it very nice to hear the sound of pain. It's very warm. It brings out the inner mind, you know, so it's like a flood. Yes? I've been wanting to ask about attachment to significant others. You would like to ask about attachment? To significant others. Attachment to significant others?

[11:34]

Yes. Uh-huh. So I think that maybe, you know, there's a lot of people who are attached to significant others, who've been taught about attachment. And I haven't had the courage to ask them, but if you want to ask all the different people I know who are in a relationship, I thought, well, how can you be in a relationship if you're not supposed to attach? People wanted it. And then I thought, well, there's the courage to ask that question. So I'm going to... No, no, it seems to go with that. Yeah. Somehow it goes with death and birth. Pardon? Well, going steady is part of Zen practice. Yes.

[12:39]

So, anyway, going steady is part of Zen practice, but you can't have the going steady. You don't get to have it. So... I... My experience is that there was a time when I was attached to somebody, a significant other, and then things changed, and that was hard. Matter of fact, I didn't know if I could go on, but I did. As you can see. That was like 40 years ago that happened. And then I...

[13:57]

A few months after that dark night, when I almost didn't survive, I decided to do a ceremony, a ceremony of letting go. So I asked her if I could come and see her, and she said, okay. So I did. I had to take a bus trip to go visit her, so I took a bus ride to where she was. She just started college, and I went to see her, and I did a ceremony of letting go. I spent some number of hours with her, and all the time I was with her, I said to myself, I release you. I let go of you. I let go of you. I didn't say I hate you. I didn't say anything negative. I just said, I let go of you.

[14:59]

I release you. I release you. I wanted to release her, and I said so. And the more I said it, the more normal she started looking. The more she started looking like the other people were walking around. And by the time I left, she looked kind of like an ordinary young woman. Kind of cute. Nice figure. But anyway, kind of normal. I got in the bus and rode back to Minneapolis, and I felt good. Pretty relieved. I was a little sore from the... from having formed that attachment and having this attachment get moved. It's kind of like, you know, having your organs moved around. There's some soreness,

[15:59]

but the question is, do you want to let go? Do you want to let go of the adhesions of the organs to other parts? And I did. And I did, and I did, and I did. And I didn't lose anything. I just let go of what was changing. And I'm still good friends with her after 40 years. We've had this 40-year friendship. And... then each relationship I had after that, I attached less, and [...] less. And I found that the less I attach, the more I can be devoted. The more I can be devoted. My first relationship, I didn't even have the concept of devotion.

[17:00]

So, I find that attachment... You can be attached to somebody and devoted. Like, certainly a lot of mothers are totally attached to their babies and totally devoted. Except I take back totally devoted. I would say monumentally devoted, tremendously devoted, but not 100%. I would say that the attachment cuts into the 100%, because attachment makes you stiff. And sometimes what you should do for your child is interfered with, not by your devotion itself, but by your attachment. You can't see. You know, sometimes it might be good for your child to go away from you, to be taken away from you. It might be good for somebody else to take care of your child, but if you're attached, you might not be able to tolerate that. Now, of course, some mothers or fathers,

[18:09]

even though they're somewhat attached, in their devotion, they still might be able to see that it would be good for the child to not be anywhere near them sometimes, for various reasons. Like, if you had a contagious disease, you might be able to see, well, I shouldn't be near my child now. But some people have something like that, you know, less clear, that they really should be away from their child for a while. Like, for example, they could be really angry, or something, anyway. But if you're attached, sometimes you can't see what you would do if you weren't attached and you were devoted. So, I think Zen is basically no attachment unless it's really good for the other person, and if it's good for the other person, you be attached. But usually attachment interferes with your devotion to being. So, that's my feeling of my last 40 years, is I've become less attached to people

[19:11]

and more devoted to them, which allows me to be very happy. And so, all these people come into my life I'm devoted to, and they can change. They can get less enlightened, more enlightened, they can leave me and not say thank you, and I don't get angry for all my devotion. Totally unacknowledged, because I'm not attached. Of course, if I am attached, I'm not saying 100% not attached, but if I am attached, then if I give and [...] people say, you know... I don't know what. Anyway, try to hurt me. If I'm attached, I might have trouble relaxing with that.

[20:13]

So, Zen is all about love, but Zen is not just about love, it is about pure love. And pure love means whatever helps people. So, if dirty love would help them, dirty love. Whatever benefits beings, that you can give, because your love is purified of the separateness of the significant other. And also, non-attachment to this person and devotion with this person doesn't interfere with non-attachment to that person and devotion to that person. That's my experience. How could it be good? How could it be good? Like that. Like, relax

[21:17]

and don't try to ungrip how dirty love could be good. Relax. Okay. Dirty love is good. I didn't say dirty love was good. I said it could be. What's dirty love? What's dirty love? Attachment. That's what I understood. Okay, fine. That is the dirtiest thing of all. That's why. Huh? What? That's why I thought it was attachment. You're right. You got it. I mean, that's the basic dirt, is attachment. It's like, okay. It's like, you know, here we are. Hi. It's like, like this. Here's my grandson, right? He goes... Hi.

[22:20]

Who? Okay? That's my grandson. Got it? Get the picture? Huh? Okay, that's... And then what do you do with that guy? What's dirty love? You go... What could be dirtier? What could be dirtier? Vampirism. What could be dirtier? Attachment. Rather than... Just appreciate this fantastic, you know, like... Don't tighten up. Let it in. Let this little... This big... This... Let it in. You know, so... That's...

[23:27]

You're right. You got it. That's dirty love. However, there's something good about dirty love, too. There's something good about attachment. There's something good about codependence. There's something good about addiction. There's something good about everything. Everything. Everything. There's something good about murder. There's something good about everything. And if you tense up and you can't see something good about everything, Well, what I have to say to you is relax, relax. If you tighten up around those nasty things like murder, you is not going to be able to help the murderer and the murderee or the murdered. Relax. The bodhisattva, the bodhisattva really truly is the one who has a mind which does not settle on things.

[24:28]

So if you're not attached, then you can like see something good about attachment. Sometimes everybody needs a bodhisattva, sometimes everybody might need a bodhisattva to get real deluded. And a bodhisattva would say, You understand that, Bear? Say yes. Flexible. Say yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Say yes. No. [...] Okay, Marioka? Got it?

[25:32]

Yeah. Now, some people say, you know, please be attached to me. I say, fine. Any newcomers to this discussion? Because Jimmy's got his hand, he's going to get it if you don't. Well, I haven't finished. Oh, you haven't finished? No. Really? Is that okay, Jimmy? If she's not finished? It might be okay for you to be attached. It might be okay for a bodhisattva. But do you recommend it for somebody who's not good at bodhisattva? Do I recommend attachment? Yeah. I don't recommend attachment to anybody. And I also don't recommend non-attachment. I'm just telling you that non-attachment's the way of the bodhisattva. I'm not recommending bodhisattva.

[26:33]

But if you want to be a bodhisattva, then that's the name of the game. Non-attachment. The mind, enliven the mind that doesn't abide anyplace. That's it. Okay? But I'm not recommending this to you. You have to beg me to let you into the bodhisattva club. If you really want to get in, you can get in. But I'm not asking you to come into this club. You want to come in? That's why I asked you. If you say it's okay to be... I see that you're trying to let go of your mind. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You're welcome. You're welcome. That's also a calming mind. It calms, too. This calms. Okay? Yeah. Oh, look how flexible you are. Okay.

[27:39]

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So we have this practice called confession. I confess, attachment. Like again, like my grandson, I took him to the park yesterday, these boys are playing ball and he goes over to the boys, these big boys, you know, he goes over to them, he goes …. They're looking down at this little person, reaching up … and they give him

[28:46]

the ball. They stop playing, you know? It has nothing to do with the fact that this Zen priest is standing there singing. No, it didn't, it didn't. He just goes, he walks over to him and he goes, he looks, and then he walks over and he goes, ah, and they give him the ball. But then a few minutes later, he's not attached because he's relaxed. When he goes over like this, he's just completely relaxed about that, you know? Completely relaxed about wanting that ball. Like he's relaxed, totally relaxed with it. It's there, you know? It's there all the time. So, that's like that story, Case 21, the Book of Serenity. There's a busy one, a tense one, the one who's trying to get something, and you should

[29:47]

know the unbusy one's right there too, all the time. They're right there together. But we have this practice called confessing. I'm tense. I'm tense. I'm not relaxed. I'm relaxed. I'm attached. Got that over with. Oh, again, I'm attached. Here I go. Attached, attached. I'm attached. I'm not relaxed. I'm tense. I'm relaxed. I'm tense. I'm relaxed.

[31:22]

So, you're saying this is one of the benefits of attachment? So, one of the benefits of attachment is that it's painful. Funny, huh? How that works. One of the benefits of birth and death is that it's painful. But even though it's painful, even though attachment is painful, still bodhisattvas

[33:05]

don't attach to attachment or pain or pleasure or anything, and the attachment they have attachment is only a response to beings needing them to be attached, and beings sometimes do need somebody to be attached so that they can learn about attachment, because bodhisattvas have to learn about attachment. Is creation the opposite of attachment? Is creation on the other end of the spectrum from attachment? I think it's something like that, but I think

[34:11]

it's more like when you're with the creation, you can't attach. When creation is in your face, you can't figure out a way to attach, because you can't see any kind of grasping point, because like when I reach for you, I get a dead George, so I can't get a hold of you. When I reach for you and get creation rather than Nancy, then I get George and Hal and everybody else, so then I can't get Nancy. And so non-attachment goes with creation and attachment goes with not seeing creation. Seeing creation is awakening, seeing creation

[35:19]

is seeing dependent co-arising, seeing dependent co-arising is seeing Dharma, is seeing Buddha. Seeing fixed things isolated, then you can attach to things. And as a matter of fact, when you do see isolated things, when the mind sees isolated things, it can't help but attach. So like one side of us sees isolated things and just as soon as you see isolated things, there's just attachment. Another part of us can see un-isolated, interdependence, and then there's no grasping, just incapable of it, because it's not, it doesn't go with, it's just like totally frustrated, it doesn't even come up. So I would say creation is the opposite of things, not the opposite but it's the other side of things. So attachment goes

[36:25]

with things, independent things, and non-attachment goes with creation. And so letting go of attachment, we enter into creation. Attaching, we don't see creation. Seeing creation, we understand the truth. Would you speak up please? Yeah, I thought about what you said about respect for lasting time, because when you can go together, and devotion and love can go together, and attachment and love can go

[37:44]

together, but attachment and respect don't really go together. So respect is more like non-attachment. It's possible, not just possible, but respect is one of the purifying factors with love. You can appreciate someone and still not respect them. When you respect them too, your appreciation is purified. Sometimes people, you know, just appreciate somebody to death, so to speak, but they don't respect them. You know, you're the good little woman, you're just the most wonderful little woman we have here, we love you, and you just stay right there and be that. They just love you, but they don't see more than this thing they

[38:53]

love, and you better be careful to not get out of that thing. So that's what, you know, a lot of what the patriarchy is about, is to keep women in these lovable little boxes, and just pour appreciation on them in that little container, and for their own good push them back in, if they should ever try to get out into the unappreciated areas, like being a smelly, aggressive being. This is not good for your own good, you stay back there. You know, I miss the people that lost in, like, 18, and they're not there to keep you Be careful. Please be careful. You're heading for a trap.

[40:12]

But I'll come and get you if you fall in, don't worry. I'll come and get you if you fall in. You're not prohibited from falling in this pit, but be careful. Yeah, I know, you're about to fall in again. I'm right here. I want you to know what you do this time. The kitty cat has changed, as you know, quite a bit, so now it's time for you to change too. Are you ready? This way we appreciate so much, but it's disrespectful. It's total appreciation,

[42:01]

but it's disrespectful. So, it's not really total appreciation. It's total appreciation within these horizons, but it's not respectful, because if you look again, you see that she actually is not limited by those perspectives, by those qualities. So, I was watching the same thing happening with my internal experience. She was looking at me, and I could feel myself starting to kind of like, want to hang on to this. And then I stayed with it, and then all sorts of other strange things started coming, like love and appreciation for all kinds of other things.

[43:03]

Right, when a great being changes a lot, so-called dies, sometimes we kind of like don't get with the program of them dying. In other words, we're on some level are attached to them or grasping them, even though they've changed. And then, if we're healthy, we get sad. But the point of the sadness is to help us let go of this wonderful person. Not just wonderful person, but let go of this thing we've lost. That's the point of the sadness. And then, if we accept the sadness, then all these other wonderful things come to us, rather than

[44:15]

fixating on the loss, we realize all this fresh stuff that's coming. It's like letting go. Well, letting go of the sadness means you feel the sadness. So, sadness is a gift to help you let go of what you should let go of. The attachment's dragging you down, so the sadness says, here, feel this. If you accept the sadness, you let go of the sadness. Letting go of the sadness, you've also let go. You can see the sadness and feel the sadness when you let go of the sadness, which means you feel the sadness, then you let go of the attachment, which is hard to feel sometimes, because some of our attachments are subconscious, sub-conceptual consciousness. And then, when you let go of the sadness, which means when you feel the sadness,

[45:29]

because that's what sadness is there for, then you get a fresh life. You get now, so-called. So, it seems like with each thing, you can have it, feel it, and then there's that… With each thing, you can have it, feel it, and grab it. You were saying if you wouldn't feel the sadness… Yes? So, whatever the experience is of another person, or whatever's going on… Yes? Inside, you can experience it, and it feels like there's a place where you can, you know, try to make it stay. Yes, right. That's why we say grasping is death, and seeking is birth. So, grasping and seeking are birth and death.

[46:31]

But there's something good about birth and death. What's good about birth and death? Life. Well, yeah, life, but not just life, but Buddha life, because birth and death are life too. But birth and death bring Buddha, which is life, not birth and death life. But no birth, no death comes to meet birth and death. But the place they meet is attachment and non-attachment. If you want to know about birth and death, attachment. If you want to know about Buddha, non-attachment. But non-attachment is never anyplace else but attachment, because Buddha, which is non-attachment, is inseparable from sentient beings who are attachment. Buddha, which is not seeking, is inseparable from sentient beings who are seeking. So anyway, it seems to me we got enough seeking and grasping, got that down.

[47:36]

Now what we need to do is bring the non-grasping and the non-seeking to meet it intimately. Then we got the Buddha side to meet the sentient being side. It's difficult to work for me, because whatever comes, or whatever presents, you just receive it and not say, oh this is good and this is bad, but just whatever it is, you work with it. That doesn't mean you can't really have a passion or love something, but you don't grasp it. Right. Like my lawn, around my house. I have a passion for it. And the gophers make these mounds of dirt and rocks on my lawn. So I have to go look at the mound and say, ah, mound. Buddha Dharma.

[48:39]

So I have a passion for the lawn, which is what brings my attention to the mound. Some people would just say, oh, they wouldn't even notice the mound. But I, since I like this grass, green surface, I notice the brown, rocky pile on the green. Because I have this passion for the green. And I go over and I deal with this mound. And I keep saying to myself, everything that comes is Buddha Dharma. Don't go to the hardware store. No need to go to the hardware store. We have plenty of Buddha Dharma here. Little mountains of Buddha Dharma growing up. Little mountains of Buddha Dharma growing up.

[49:41]

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