The time when the contemplator of self-existence was practicing deeply the Prajnaparamita is the clear vision that the aggregates of existence are totally empty. And this vision saves us from all suffering. What is this contemplation of self existing or self existence?

[01:09]

What is the contemplation of how the self appears to abide This contemplation is to calmly, serenely, in the present, examine the causes and conditions of the self.

[02:15]

It's to bring forth the clear observation of what the self seems to be and to notice if that view of self is associated with pain. Or by clearly observing pain, one may be able to notice that there's some self clinging there, some limited view of what self is. In other words, I think I'm me and not you. I really, well, maybe I can think I'm some of you, but there's a limit. There's a limit. I have a limited view. I can flex a little bit on my view of myself, but there's a limit.

[03:29]

There's certain things which I cannot give up about myself. And the place where I hold there, maybe I can discover there's some stress, some pain, some torment, some choking of my life around that limited view of myself. I begin to express myself with some emphasis, but the contemplation of this self-clinging and the pain that it causes is done in a state of serenity. If we get too agitated, our view of the causes and conditions will be blurred or even totally confused. So I say this contemplation is done in the present.

[04:37]

with calmness, imperturbable composure, but then also it needs to be done again and again so that we can finally say that this serene contemplation of the causes of suffering, the conditions of self-clinging, is done all the time while eating, walking, sleeping, working, until we thoroughly see, until this clear vision is born and we see that the five aggregates are all the constituents of an experience, lack inherent existence. This is called kanjizai.

[05:45]

And the being of infinite compassion is named by this meditation. For many people the good news about this being of infinite compassion is when this being goes to work. when this being extends herself to us and lets us be who we are. But the part of the process that's not so well known is prior to the work, the working, the active working of this compassion, and that is the meditation, which is the ground of this compassion, the meditation which is the ground of infinite compassion. is thorough kanjizai, thorough contemplation of the way the self exists, of how it seems to exist.

[06:51]

Usually this great enlightening being of compassion is pictured In China, most often, the most common statue I've seen is of a rather feminine form, holding a vase, and out of the vase comes a flower. And she holds the vase in one hand, and the stem of the flower in the other. And the flower seems to be a lotus. symbolizing hands that take care of the flowering of Buddhist meditation, which of course is compassion. This is a happy sight to see a nice looking person holding a flower, offering it to all beings if they wish. But one time when I was in Paris, I went to a musée, a musée, musée Guimet, a beautiful little museum which has lots of Asian art in it.

[08:09]

And on one floor they have the Chinese art, and I went in there and I saw a statue. And it was a statue of that lady, that Chinese lady, or that Japanese lady. sitting cross-legged with a nice straight spine, very relaxed, with her hands in the cosmic meditation mudra right against her little bald tummy. She was touching her stomach with a lovely round oval hand upon hand. Her abdomen was like a beautiful round ball. A brand new bouncing ball. Not tight, yet not soggy. And she touched it and she looked really relaxed and concentrated.

[09:14]

And she also looked ready for whatever. Her flower vase and her flower were set on a little shelf. The flower was on one shelf to one side of her, and the vase was on the other. She was not actively bestowing the flower of her meditation. She was kanjizai. She was contemplating what the self is, In one sense I first thought, well I guess Avalokiteshvara takes meditation breaks. But today I emphasize that the birth of infinite compassion is this thorough contemplation of the way the self appears, the way it seems to exist.

[10:15]

Once we understand, once one understands this, then one is the vessel of infinite compassion. Prior to that full understanding of the self, one may have considerable compassion. As a matter of fact, you need to be fairly compassionate in order to be able to practice this contemplation thoroughly. If you're not fairly kind to yourself and others, you won't be able to really be serene in the first place. You won't be able to stand to look at the pain if you don't know how to be fairly compassionate with yourself with the pain you're experiencing. You must be skillful. Already, you must already know how to creatively and spiritually healthfully respond to pain in order to observe the pain which arises in conjunction with the limited view of the self.

[11:41]

So already before thoroughly studying this matter, you must already be compassionate. but the compassion is still limited as long as you believe in a limited view of the self. If you look at the biography or history of Sid, Siddhartha that is, you will perhaps be able to see this. There are many stories But one story is that he was doing pretty well in the palace, in his dad's palace, having a nice time, and he felt loved and supported. And he loved and supported the people he knew, too. And then somehow he got outside the palace one day and saw some old people and some sick people and some dead people, and he was deeply touched.

[12:49]

and even before that actually he had compassion for many beings but he just didn't know the extent of the misery and at that time his compassion took a big leap forward and revolutionized his life but his compassion was not yet infinite because he still didn't understand what the problem was And he tried very energetically, meditation practice after meditation practice, just trying to understand, what is this all about? How come the world is like this? How come it seems like such a bad deal? How come it seems like, except in little pockets, how come it seems like so much misery? What's the sense of all this pain and sickness?

[13:54]

and old age and losing control of your faculties, which is starting to happen to a number of us in this room. This is a very mature group. Finally he figured out who he was. Finally he discovered that his understanding of himself was the cause of his problems and that understanding the self, when he understood what he really was, he was freed. He was freed of himself and he understood that everything was like that, that everything was free. that nothing was tied down, that everything was liberated.

[15:01]

And yet, even though everything's liberated, each thing still abides in its momentary, fleeting self-expression. He was very happy about this. And he called the way he understood this as meditation on the causes and conditions of birth and death. That was the topic he was awakened on. And after he was awakened, he spent quite a bit of time enjoying his liberation, but he also spent time reviewing the cause and effect doctrine that liberated him. So then he went from the great compassion or considerable compassion which he felt as a child and which expanded greatly when he saw suffering and accepted it and was devastated by it and revolutionized his life.

[16:18]

But then when he understood, his compassion became infinite. So a Buddha's compassion is infinite. A lot of people have some compassion. But only when we understand the nature of self and the nature of suffering does our compassion become unleashed and become Buddha's compassion and therefore end all suffering. So that's That's the reason why it's necessary to have the same meditation which the Buddha had, the same meditation which Avalokiteshvara has. I mentioned that one teaching is that the summary of the whole of the great vehicle could be said to be that the protection of living beings is accomplished by the examination of one's own faults, one's own mistakes.

[17:59]

And that can be in many kinds of mistakes, but today I emphasize the examination of a particular type of mistake, and that is the mistake of how we understand ourselves. The protection of living beings is accomplished by a thorough examination of how we mistakenly view ourselves. Thorough examination of our own mistake about who we are. And we should be patient with our mistake about who we are because it is our nature to make this mistake. It's a mistake but we have to make it. At some point in our development we notice death and we think it's external and a self is born.

[19:25]

It's a mistake to think that death is external to our life, but we make this mistake and our sense of self is born of this mistake. We can't not, at some point, make death external to our life. And we do. Examining this mistake will protect all living beings. And there's many ways to examine it. You can think about it. You can put on plays about it. You can write music about it. You can dance about it. You can paint pictures of it. You can go around and go up to people and say, I don't despise you.

[20:31]

That's one bodhisattva tried that. Got in big trouble for it, but that's the way he tried. You can do the practice, which I think people may be associated as a Christian practice, but I think some Jews consider it to be a Jewish practice. You can do the practice called love thy neighbor. Is that a Jewish practice? Huh? Love thy neighbor. That's a way to meditate on that you think that you don't believe in the other. You don't trust the other. form a love relationship with the one you trust the least, or some of those whom you trust not very much, your enemies. But be careful, because you think they're your enemies, so there's danger here. How many people have heard the story about the rabbi and the Ku Klux Klan guy?

[21:38]

One, two, three, only three? Is that really true? Oh, good. Really? Haven't you heard it, Linda? First of all, please tell me, is it Ku Klux Klan? Is it Ku Kluck? It's clue? It's Ku. It's Ku Kluck. I was Ku Klux Klan. Ku Klux Klan. Ready? Ku Klux Klan. That's the story. That's the short version. Now here's the rest. Once there was two people. Now there's only one, but anyway. And one's name was Larry, of all things, Trap. And Larry Trap was a grandmaster at Ku Klux Klanism.

[22:43]

Do you know this story, Basia? Good. And trap's a good word for him because he was trapped as a boy into hating everything. His dad taught him very well how to hate everything, or almost everything, that wasn't him. He said, we're over here, and they're over there, and he hates what's over there. And he used to take his son around on Sunday. Instead of going to church, they used to go around and drive by black people who were going to church. And his dad would say, hate them, and hate Native Americans, and hate Jews, and hate everything that's not like us. And so he grew up learning how to hate and became a champion hater. And he was more violent than the rest of the people in the club, so he became the leader of the haters. became a grand master of that group, which is called a grand dragon of all things.

[23:50]

And he loved Adolf Hitler and he called him Adolf Hero. And he lived in a little hovel with Nazi stuff all over the walls and he was sick. He became sick from his hate, of course. And And he was a diabetic. And I think he was crippled, couldn't walk. And he was a mess. Larry Trapp. Then he lived in Lincoln, Nebraska, I believe. Then at some point, a family moved to town. It wasn't a rabbi, actually. It was a cantor and his family. But anyway, he was an official in the synagogue, in the temple. He moved to Lincoln, and the reason why they moved to Lincoln from a larger city was they felt that probably in Lincoln there wouldn't be much anti-Semitism, so it would be safer for their teenage daughters.

[25:02]

His name was Michael Weiser, and his wife's name, I think, was Judy Weiser. Anyway, Larry found out they were in town somehow and started attacking them by telephone mostly and cruel letters threatening, you know, all kinds of horrible things. And having, you know, a real injurious effect on their sense of well-being. making them unhappy and confused, scaring them, and so on. I don't remember the story so well, but anyway, at some point along the way, Michael Weiser realized that he was starting to hate Larry himself.

[26:07]

And I don't know exactly what happened, but... I guess it arose in him to practice with it and to practice his practice. And his practice was to love his enemy in addition to his neighbor. And so he started to try to practice loving his harasser. And he, I think, I forgot how they did it, but something like, he actually, when he'd get these calls, he would talk back and say stuff like, you know, in Nazi Germany you're disabled and you would have been eliminated." And then he started saying stuff like, you're disabled so it's probably hard for you to go shopping.

[27:12]

Would you mind, could we take you shopping? Could we give you a ride? And stuff like that. And I think he said, could we take you shopping? And Larry Trapp said, no, but thanks for offering. And then at some point, he and his wife looked at each other and said, let's go all the way. Let's have more for dinner. And so their friends heard about this and they said, Michael, you're going too far. You've become a fanatic. They didn't really say that. I said that because somebody called me a fanatic the other day. You don't have to be a fanatic.

[28:14]

Ha, ha. Anyway, so... Actually, he couldn't come over for dinner for whatever reason. They had to go over to his house, so they brought food over to his house and had dinner at his house, and they winded up staying for a long time, I think four hours. And... They went into that room with all this Nazi stuff on the walls, all this hate stuff on the walls. They went in there into his unhappy abode. They entered his realm of misery with blessings. After that, Larry started to slip. He stopped being able to hate. and uh... he said later that he just couldn't resist he had never experienced such love in his life so he gradually gave up his hate and they became better and better friends and finally he

[29:37]

resigned from the Ku Klux Klan, and made formal apologies to the Native Americans, to the blacks, and to the Jewish people. And he converted to Judaism. And Mrs. Wiser quit her job to give full-time devotion to take care of Larry, and he moved in with them. And he died. I heard that story, and about four months later, I heard that he died. So this is a contemplation, active contemplation, and also extending from that contemplation of what's the self?

[30:47]

And where does the self begin, where does the self end? What's the real self? Is it this little one? that's scared of the Ku Klux Klan? Or is it the one that embraces what is out there? Is it the one that's choked and tormented? Which one is it? What is this self? Meditating on this is the name of the bodhisattva of infinite compassion.

[32:07]

I did a workshop with some people who live on different sides of the Tassajara Mountains. And at the beginning of the workshop, one of the people said, speaking of these different groups that live in the different parts of the mountains, said, we are connected by nature. We are connected by nature. The mountains connect us. The rivers connect us. Esalen and Tassajara are connected by nature. connected by these mountains. And I thought, but we're also separated by the mountains and the rivers and the valleys and the trees. We are separated by nature. We human beings are separated by nature. We are connected by nature and separated by nature.

[33:24]

It is our nature to be connected and our nature to be separated. We are contradictory beings. And all of our problems come out of our relationship with the other, with understanding this very dynamic, contradictory situation of being connected and separated, of being lonely and alone and being one. How do we handle this very dynamic situation with this contradiction? Embracing this contradictory kind of existence, embracing it and studying it is the basis of compassion. But it's bitter sometimes to feel alone. It's bitter to feel separated from our enemies and wondering when they're going to attack, or our loved ones, wondering if we will lose them.

[34:37]

How do we handle that? What's the skillful way to deal with this? Someone told me that he loves Sashin, and I said, what's the causes and conditions of loving Sashin, of being happy in Sashin? And he said, well, we're all together, and we do everything together. And Oriyoki. a chance to everybody together be careful about how we eat. And if we go eat over in the dining room, we have a nice time too, but we aren't necessarily careful individually. And even if we're careful individually, the other people may be, you know, slopping around in their food. So we feel like, oh, we're a purist or something, so maybe I should like eat with no hands too.

[35:43]

After all, there's some Zen precedents for that. But to be careful with everybody made this person very happy. It made her feel connected by nature to all of us. A relief from feeling separate by nature. a counterbalance to how come those people are so mindless? I need some support in practicing mindfulness. For me, another reason why I say she is nice is because the pain is so easy to find. It's not like, where is it? And someone else told me that she appreciated the reframing of the pain in Sashin, that it's not that Sashin causes the pain, but that by just sitting still in any yogic posture, you notice the pain, which is already there.

[37:06]

Now, someone may debate that and say, no, no, no, no. It's because you're sitting with your legs bent that long time. We can prove it. We can put little electrodes in there and show that blah, blah, blah. And maybe that's right. But in a way, the pain that you feel in Sashin is... Another way to reframe it would be that the physical pain that we feel when we sit still, or the physical pain that we feel when we sit still and don't run away from that pain is just a harbinger, is just an indicator of some much deeper... all-pervasive pain, which is under our Zabutan, which is under the platform. It's that pain of that fundamental mistake which we make non-stop of feeling separate. And that pain is sometimes subtle.

[38:10]

maybe hard to see, especially when people are saying, oh, what do you think? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you say, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Maybe then you can't notice it. And if you're quiet, it starts to become apparent. And you start to become kanji zaipo satsu, which is a big responsibility. It's a big responsibility, but it's nice work when you get it. Years ago a Buddhist scholar said that Tibetan yogis sit cross-legged with their back kind of straight and they chant Om Mani Padme [...]

[39:20]

Soto Zen monks just sit still in silence saying nothing and the same thing happens. It's the same intention to embody this practice of this bodhisattva. But in some sense we have a more radical distrust of human agency. So we like don't do anything to bring it on. We just clearly observe and watch it come forth with everything that happens. Not just some things, not just like, I love you, but also and beep, beep, and everything that happens is an equal opportunity for the arrival of compassion.

[40:28]

There's nothing that's not a good chance. So that's why we don't do anything. We just sit still. And all the opportunities come forth, one after another. The question is, are we there to notice them? And we do sometimes notice them and say, this isn't a very good opportunity for compassion. Let's wait for the next one. I'm a little sleepy right now. Maybe I'll just have a cup of tea and then I'll notice what's compassion. So after Avalokiteshvara realized the way the self exists, then she kind of freaks out.

[41:46]

And the head explodes, turns into 11 or something like that. And the hands, arms explode and turn into a thousand. And then in the palm of every hand, eyeballs pop up. So she's ready. OK, what's happening? What do you want? Well, what do you want? What? Not knowing what it would be, actually. It isn't like all these arms and stuff come out and then says, well, now we're going to do this. No, it's like, well, what? And then, jeep, jeep, bop, bop, okay. In talking about the right kind of concentration says, if you like, take one of those, if Avalokiteshvara takes one of those hands and says, okay, now I'm going to use this hand to help this person, then you waste the other 999.

[42:52]

That's not the way you do it. That's the way you think you do it prior to having those thousand arms. But even if you would get them, even if they would sprout from your awakening, then if you slip back into this old way of, I think I'll do this, this is again the understanding of self which is causing the suffering. Once you're, you know, open up to what you are, you're totally available. These thousand arms means you're ready for whatever and you don't know what. You're not then going to make your own agenda of how to help people. It's just that if they call from that direction, if they call from the east, you give out an eastern hand. If they call from the west, you give a western hand. A north by northeast, you give a north by northeast hand. You respond to the calls. You listen with those, you look with those parts that are relevant. You don't have an agenda other than appropriate response.

[43:57]

With all those arms out there, you might think, well, jeez, if I can't use just one of them, maybe I should use all of them and fly. We didn't ask you to do that. Just sit there. We'll let you know what to do next. So we don't have something, but we have readiness to use these according to what touches them. So what's his name?

[45:09]

I forgot who asked who. I think Yen Yen asked Da Wu. What does Avalokiteshvara do with all those hands and eyes? What are they for? What does the Bodhisattva of Great Compassion use the many hands and eyes for? And Da Wu said, It's like someone groping back. It's more like you're asleep or you're half asleep and you just reach behind your head for the pillow. That's all. A few minutes later you scratch your knee. The alarm clock goes off and you reach up over and turn it off and get out of bed with no hesitation. No hesitation. Or perhaps you reach over and press the snooze thing. But anyway, you do that.

[46:13]

But it's not that you do anything. It's just a response, very natural. So then after he said, it's like reaching out in the middle of the night for your pillow, then Yunyan said, I understand. And Dawu said, how do you understand? And Yunyan said, all over the body are hands and eyes. And Dawu said, you have quite a bit there, but you've only got 80%. And Yuen Yuen said, what do you say, older brother? And Da Wu said, throughout the body are hands and eyes. I don't get the difference yet after all these years, but... I mean, I can hear, but I don't quite see the point.

[47:23]

Does anybody see the point? Oh, no, not you. This meditation on pain arising from causes and conditions, this meditation on the limited self born of causes and conditions, as I mentioned before, when it gets really good, when you get down to the nitty-gritty, it's not even very dramatic anymore and actually it's kind of boring. The pain may be interesting, but the actual meditation might get boring. So that's why we really have to somehow consider how useful it would be to understand this, to encourage ourselves, but how wonderful it would be to study this in order to thoroughly understand what we think about ourselves, how we see ourselves

[48:42]

what our limited views are, how we're clinging to that limited view and how that causes pain, how that all works. And someone said to me, well, I hear what you're saying, but I don't see how to do it. And, you know, I've just been myself considering this for a few years, like, you know, whatever number of years. I still don't see how to do it. There is no way of how to do it. Because again, if you have a way of how to do it, you can have a way of how to do it, but that's just another limited view about how to do it. There's no limit to how you do this meditation. Every moment is how you do this. What's happening now, this is how you do it. And what is happening now? Well, check it out. That's how you do this meditation. Just look at what's happening right now. And looking at what's happening right now is how you do the meditation on the causes and conditions of your pain.

[49:51]

Just clearly, serenely, alertly look at what's happening right now. Feel what's happening right now. Smell, touch, and taste what's happening right now. Notice how you're thinking right now. That's the causes and conditions of your present self. That's the causes and conditions of your present pain. How do you do that? You do it like this. This is how you do it. Like thus. How's that? Well, now you do it like this. But not like this, like thus. What is the way of doing it? I don't know. Look. Look. This is how you do it. And then there's, so I just gave instruction on how to do it, and then I'll give different instruction in a few minutes. And then pretty soon I'll give you instruction by stopping talking. Everything I do, everything you do, is instruction on how to meditate on causes and conditions.

[50:53]

Everybody's activity is showing us what the meditation is. What is the meditation? It's what everybody's showing us. What is everybody showing us? What is everybody showing you? What is everybody showing me? Everybody is showing me. That's what they're showing me. In other words, everybody causes me, everybody supports me. And it's the same for everybody else. Everybody is your causes and conditions. Everything is your causes and conditions. And feeling separate from everything is your causes and conditions, and it's a source of pain. Meditating on this heals this wound between us and our enemies, between us and the people who just don't like us a little, between us and the people who say they love us.

[51:59]

There's a wound between us and every sentient being, even the one we say we love the most. That's why we need serenity and composure to be able to stand the pain. We need patience to be able to be comfortable in this uncomfortable situation. Buddha's whole constructive teaching was about how to do this meditation. So I've given three talks during this session about this. There's infinite number of suggestions and encouragements that can be given about how to meditate on this jizai and how the self exists.

[53:12]

on how the self and others seem to be separate, and how pain comes from that, how suffering is born of that. So I'm stopping now, but the teaching will never stop about this point. The Dharma about how the self exists, the teaching about how the self exists, goes on endlessly. And we made a vow to hear that Dharma. And hearing that Dharma, all sentient beings and the great earth and all of us attain the way. So please listen to this Dharma which is coming from every direction at once.

[54:16]

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