I want to mention something that was last week during the class. I forgot exactly what happened, but David France or French? David France took off his shirt for a while and then he put it back on. Then a couple days later, someone told me that she was really upset because she thought he was really uncomfortable. And... I think that's basically what she thought, that he was very uncomfortable and she was worried about him and things like that. And I think she said she got angry also. And so she told me about that. And so... I told her that, and I tell, I say that to you too.

[01:02]

If anything you're uncomfortable about in class, something's going a little funny or you're worried about somebody's well-being or your own, please bring it out right away. If not, later. Anyway, I checked with David and he was fine with what happened. I thought it was going okay between us and he was fine. And so I called that woman back and told her about it. I told her at the time, so she seemed to feel better. Most important thing is that you feel invited to bring up things right away if you feel uncomfortable and know that that's really fine with me and just get it out there. Because that's sort of what, a lot of times what people get upset about is that I go with things that are actually happening right away anyway. That's what often makes people nervous. And there's always some, what do you call it, there's some danger in that.

[02:08]

But there's also a danger in missing those chances, too. And I thought it was all right, and that was my guess, and that's what I went with. And David said he was fine. And I also asked him if I could bring it up now, and he said that would be fine. Sometimes something's happening between two people. in a room of a class like this, and it's okay between the two people, like between me and the person. But if you are watching, you may not have the kind of relationship with me such that you'd feel comfortable having that kind of conversation with me in public. You don't know me well enough, or you don't think I know you well enough, to have a real intimate conversation in front of 50 people. So if you don't feel that, you don't have to.

[03:09]

But sometimes people see that happening and they think, well, God, am I going to have to talk? Is he going to turn to me and not talk to me about something intimate like that? And sometimes people get frightened. And then they get angry because they get frightened. They'd rather be angry than frightened. But anyway, sometimes it's very important for me to interact with somebody in a very intense and intimate way in front of everybody. It's important for them, too, to learn that they can do that and everything goes fine, that they survive and grow and are more fearless afterwards and more immediate in their ways of dealing with situations. But some people are not up for that. So if they watch this, they go, oh my God. So that's part of what happens here. And that's part of the scariness of the class, of classes, where I'm present anyway.

[04:19]

But I think it's better that way because I think it's more dangerous the other way. The other way being that everything's kept suppressed and everybody's afraid of when is it going to happen because you know it's going to happen eventually. You're just waiting for it to happen. It's going to happen. So let's just let it happen and then learn that we can deal with it right away. You know? And... I don't necessarily say that as soon as you get frightened, you need to blow the whistle. But you can if you want to. The most important thing is not so much that you call a halt to things when you're frightened, because you might be frightened before you even come to the class, but that if you feel like you're not with it, if you're not with what's happening, you can stop the class, you know. We'll stop, I'll stop. We'll go one... two three here we go again it's like jumping rope you know and if you can't get in you know then we'll stop we'll start over again one two jump in like that still you might be afraid but once you get with the rhythm you can go with it okay hi sarah sarah sarah

[05:43]

So, okay, so as kind of warming up to the precepts, we've been talking about renunciation and confession and being upright. And So I'd like to talk about being upright some more. So being upright is kind of like the main thing, the central event or the central expression or the central practice. It's the proper way to approach the precepts.

[06:56]

It's the correct way to receive them, to practice them, to understand them, and to express them. It also includes renunciation, and renunciation unfolds an aspect of being upright. It also includes confession. And confession also explicates an aspect of being upright. It is a direct outgrowth of the bodhisattva vow, being upright is. Although it doesn't always grow out of it, When it does grow out of it, it is a very direct expression of it. So, the Bodhisattva vow is the seed, but the seed needs to be cared for.

[08:03]

The seed itself is not enough. You have to care for it. So, one way to care for the seed is to practice renunciation. Another way to take care of the seed is to practice confession. But being upright includes both confession and renunciation. So being upright is the way to care for the seed, to protect it. The seed being the vow to benefit all beings in the highest and most complete possible way before yourself. Being upright is the way to protect that seed from being lost. Protect that seed from being lost and to nurture it and so it develops into the full-fledged lotus and lotus fruit.

[09:14]

In the Diamond Sutra it says that a bodhisattva, a person who wishes to work for the greatest benefit of all beings, needs to produce a mind which has no abode, which doesn't depend on anything. This mind which has no abode is being upright. when you're upright, you do not have an address. It isn't that you're not here, it's that you don't go around saying that you're here. It isn't that you're not yourself, you just don't go around saying, I'm me. It isn't that you're not Buddha, you just don't walk around saying you're Buddha. So you don't have the address of Sarah or Katie or Buddha. Also you don't have the address of, you know,

[10:36]

Not Alicia. Not Una. Not Pam. You don't have that address either. You don't have any address. You're just clear and present. And you've given up everything. And you don't depend on anything. And that mind, that mind is a mind that has no abode. And that mind is the mind which protects the bodhisattva vow. And brings it to The Bodhisattva vow, when it's born, is a wonderful thing, but it does not always reach maturity. So, once you bring the Bodhisattva vow up in your body and mind, I shouldn't say once you bring it up, but once it is born in you, once the vow does arise in you, then you need to

[11:39]

go to work, to practice conscientiously, to protect, nurture, and develop it. Being upright is the main central expression of that care. So being upright has this renunciate quality of dropping everything, of being balanced, of giving up, you know, physically giving up all leaning, mentally also giving up all leanings, all biases, even temporary leanings, like leaning into the future, leaning into the past, leaning into affirmation, leaning into negation, leaning into approval of yourself, of your thoughts, of your practice, leaning into disapproval of yourself, of your thoughts, of your practice, leaning into disapproval of other people's self-practice, leaning into approval of other people's self-practice, doesn't mean you don't approve of people.

[12:51]

You might approve of everybody, think everybody's doing really well, that's fine, but you don't lean into that. Just like a owl sitting in the tree, you don't necessarily lean into the owl. Even though you look at the owl and appreciate the owl, you don't necessarily lean into the thought of the owl or lean into your appreciation of the owl. You just appreciate the owl. And the owl also does not lean into you. The owl may turn her head, but doesn't necessarily lean. Just clearly observing so being upright is to also be mindful and remember the bodhisattva vow remember what was that born for again?

[13:55]

what did I come to Zen Center for? what did I come to the planet for? what am I here for? what was it? Oh, yeah. Oh, that was... It was to be kind to everyone. That was it. Yeah. You remember. That's part of being upright, is to remember the Bodhisattva vow. Part of taking care of it is to remember it. One time I was at the airport, and there was a... I think she was Japanese... woman she was there with her little baby and her baby was just learning to walk so her baby was running all over I don't know if it was hers anyway some baby was running all over the airport and she was running behind it she didn't try to you know she was really nice she didn't try to like get the baby to sit down next to her where she wanted to be she let the baby do the running thing and she just tracked it all over the place she remembered the baby

[14:59]

all the time. She was just like very alert. She was ready in case the baby fell forward and the head going towards the edge of some chair or something or whatever. She was ready to catch it. But she let the baby, you know, walk and experiment and take some chances. But she was right there just in case. She wasn't going to forget it. She wasn't going to lose it. And she was trying not to let the baby have any crashes. But, you know, I don't know about her posture. She was kind of like stooped. I don't know if she could keep that up. But it's hard, you know, because if you stand up too straight, you'd increase your distance from the baby. You know? Now, crawling's good, but then people think it's weird. Anyway, she was kind of like... She was, you know, she was... a young mother.

[16:03]

This is maybe what her second kid looked like. So she was alert and mindful and present, but she was kind of leaning. And she couldn't keep that up, I don't think, too long. She had to change her posture a little bit. But she was doing really well in all those other regards. So you need that, but you also need to be in a way that you can be relaxed. So when you're upright, you're relaxed, because when you're balanced, you're relaxed. So balanced physically, balanced mentally, your thoughts are balanced, and your voice, your speech is balanced too. So when you speak, also you don't lean in terms of your speech. You don't get into, well, what I'm saying is true, or what I'm saying is worthless, or what I'm saying is, you know, whatever.

[17:09]

Those thoughts may accompany or may happen in conjunction with your thinking, but if you don't lean into taking those thoughts as real, just realize that this is random commentary and no more true. The things you say about yourself your words are no more true than what I say about your words, what I say about your words are no more true than what you say about your words, and what we say about your words are no more true than what a chipmunk would say about your words. Now some people would think, oh no, chipmunks definitely are more on the mark. I don't think so. Even chipmunks do not say the truth about what you say. I visited one of our members yesterday up in Dixon, California, and he had one year ago on the 3rd, he had a very bad motorcycle accident on this highway here.

[18:11]

And he lost the use of his arm and severe brain damage and so on. Anyway, he's doing much better, and I said to him as I was leaving, you've come a long way. And he said, so have you. Now, some people might think he one-upped me. That what he said was more true. But actually, I think, you know, what both of us said was true and also what both of us said was not true. In other words, both of what we said wasn't true and both of what we said was not not true. You're just talking. And it was fun. It was fun that he could talk. Not so long ago he couldn't talk. I think Nagarjuna said, but I really don't know, the unsurpassable protection of emptiness.

[19:21]

Emptiness. Emptiness. or voidness, the fact that everything lacks inherent existence is the unsurpassable protection of the bodhisattva vow. Even the bodhisattva vow doesn't have inherent existence. It's a wonderful thing, but it's nothing in itself. But, you know, the part of us, part of me thinks, oh, if it's so wonderful, then wouldn't it be like really a thing? Well, on the contrary, things are so wonderful because they aren't really a thing. That's what makes everything have infinite potential and be unlimitedly useful because they're not stuck in being what they appear to be. Their appearance is just an opportunity. an opportunity to relate and an opportunity to go into bondage, an opportunity to suffer or an opportunity to be free through that appearance and thereby be free of all other appearances by becoming free of that appearance.

[20:33]

The emptiness of a thing is a way to be free of that thing and all other things. So we even need to become free of the bodhisattva vow. Becoming free of the bodhisattva vow is the way to protect the bodhisattva vow. becoming free of all the people you love is a way to never abandon them. If you care about somebody and you love them a lot and you want to do the best for them and you think they're a thing, eventually, under some circumstances, you know, you get disgusted with them. Not because there's anything wrong with them, but because you made them into a thing. And anything you make into a thing will eventually... turn around and stab you in the face. Not because it's doing that, but because that's the way you see them. Because you think they're a thing, and eventually they'll say, I'm not a thing. Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Stop doing that to me.

[21:35]

It may not say those words, but basically it will relate to you like that. It will push you away. It will throw you down. It will throw you for a loop to cause you to leave it alone and stop putting it in a box. Now, if you get the picture before it has to do that to you, all the better. In other words, if you get the picture, oh, I didn't come to put people in boxes, I came to set everybody free, including me, from thinking that things are things. So emptiness is the way to protect everything, and in particular, to protect this precious vow. And Nagarjuna, the teacher of emptiness, in the first verse of his major teaching, he said, nothing, there is nothing that exists anywhere or at any time that is caused by itself, that is caused by something else, that is caused by both itself and something else, or that doesn't have a cause.

[22:50]

There's nothing like that. that has any of those kinds of causal situations. You're not caused by yourself, you're not caused by other things, by something other than yourself. You're not caused by both yourself and other things, and you're not without a cause. You are caused. You are due to causes, but those causes are not other than you. You're not one thing and then your causes are another. You're just all those causes. So they're not other than you. But you're also not caused by yourself. And you're not caused by yourself and the other things because the other things aren't other. And yourself isn't yourself. And you're not without a cause. That is a statement of renunciation. That is a statement of upright renunciation. And that attitude, that situation protects your bodhisattva vow. And that is the way to approach the precepts.

[23:52]

Just being upright, knowing that you are not caused by yourself. You're not caused by something other than yourself, or both, or not without a cause. You are something which is simply an upright thing. And upright things have no abode they are free in their uprightness. And in that freedom, they are expressions of the vow to set all beings free. And they are the approach to the Bodhisattva precepts. And that is the practice and protection of the precepts. So, the uprightness comes out, can come out of the Bodhisattva vow, but it doesn't always... And when it doesn't come out of it, then after a little while, the bodhisattva vow will be lost. The bodhisattva vow is generated and doesn't soon have uprightness to protect it.

[24:59]

The bodhisattva vow will be lost. However, it can be found again. It can be born again. And then again, if you practice uprightness, then you protect it and nurture it. And by protecting and nurturing it, then you realize that this vow has to be now unfolded and practiced diligently. For example, you see that you need to, the uprightness then needs to bring in renunciation and you need to develop the practice of confession the practice of confession is that you notice whenever you do anything that veers away from this vow when you have this vow and you veer away from it that does not destroy the vow as long as you notice when you veer away that you veered away What destroys the vow more than veering away from it and catching yourself?

[26:06]

Veering away and catching yourself doesn't destroy it at all. It actually develops it. The veering away unnoticed again and again, however, can undermine the vow. But the main way to veer away, which is very difficult to catch, is to veer away by making the vow into a thing. by rigidifying and becoming self-righteous about the vow. Again, if you're upright, you won't lean into that self-righteousness, you won't lean into that rigidification, and the vow will be protected from that hardening. The vow is coming from something very soft, very soft. It's a very soft-hearted and soft-headed kind of thing, to want to help everybody, everybody, to help everybody. in the highest possible way before you're soft. It's kind of soft to do that. Yeah.

[27:10]

Very soft. There's strength and vitality there, but it's the softness too, very soft. So, you have to protect that softness with the uprightness. And again, this uprightness is not a wimpy uprightness. The protecting of the softness is a strong thing. It's an alert thing. It's a sharp thing. It's a sword that catches and points out very clearly any kind of veering away from that very soft, tender, warm heart. So confession is fine. Renunciation and confession are good. Now, with this uprightness, we approach the Bodhisattva precepts. Precepts also give us a chance to practice, to do the practices, which again will nourish, which will water and feed the spirit of benefiting all beings.

[28:14]

Okay? Now, the first three precepts are taking refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. But as I said last week, if I would now try to talk about how to study the three refuges with this uprightness, in this uprightness, then that would be the rest of the class. But I'd like, since I've done that several times before, and I'll do it again, I'd like to instead start with the three pure precepts and approach these three precepts in this uprightness. Approach these three precepts within the spirit of just sitting.

[29:15]

Yes? What does the word rectum entrain in this vision? The English word refuge is from Latin, refuge. Well, I'll just tell you what the English is first, okay? The English comes from Latin, refuge, which means to re, back. And fuge is to, like, fly or go away. Like, you know, what is it? Centripetal, centrifugal. Centrifugal and centripetal. Centrifugo means to fugo, to fugue away from the center. To senfugo. And centripto means to walk to the center. Okay, so refugue means to fly back. Sanskrit also means to fly, means to go back, means to return. So they both have the meaning of going someplace which is a return.

[30:26]

that's the spirit of the refugees, is we go home. And home is Buddha. And home is uprightness. So the first precept is really to go back to being upright. Because when a human being, this is the first precept, I take refuge in Buddha, or taking refuge in Buddha is the first precept, first Bodhisattva precept. And taking refuge in Buddha is the same as coming back to yourself completely. Not being a little bit more than you are, not being a little less than you are. being just exactly, precisely what you are. For you to be like you are is precisely what we mean by Buddha. For you to be who you are is what we mean by enlightenment.

[31:32]

Not the tiny, tiny, tiny bit more than you are or the tiny, tiny bit less than you are or the tiny improvement or depreciation. No, you're renouncing everything but just being yourself. Exactly. You being yourself is precisely what we mean by Buddha or awakening. So that's how uprightness really is the first precept of refuge in Buddha. In the koan class, after the last koan class, a woman said, I was talking about renunciation, she said, well, is renunciation like just being totally engaged? And I said, what did I say? Yeah. Renunciation is being totally engaged. It doesn't mean, when you renounce, you can't do anything. You renounce being able to do things, too. When you're totally engaged, you can't do anything. I can only do something when I'm still holding back a little bit.

[32:42]

Do you understand? You don't? No. If I put this teacup down, okay, if I'm totally engaged in putting this teacup down, there can't be any of me left here putting the teacup down. I can't be like holding back a little bit I'm still here a little bit, holding back, being me, putting the teacup down. When I'm totally engaged in putting the teacup down, I'm not left out of that process. I'm completely thrown into the process of reaching for the teacup. My whole being is going for the teacup, and now I touch the teacup, and there's nothing left. more than that, and I have given up everything but this. I've renounced everything in the universe but holding this teacup.

[33:46]

It isn't that I trust the teacup. It isn't that I trust holding teacups. It isn't that I trust myself. It's that I trust wholeheartedness, which means I trust renunciation. I trust that the best thing I can do for everybody in the universe is to be myself completely right now. That's my best thing I can do. That's always my first priority. That's always my priority in the work of benefiting all beings. Now, if I don't want to benefit all beings, if I just want to benefit some beings, then I wouldn't necessarily do the practice of total engagement. Because if you don't practice total engagement, you will then be able to fulfill the vow of not helping everybody. For example, you won't help me.

[34:49]

Whenever you don't do something with total engagement, this person here is not helped. Because my whole thing is to have you be totally engaged. So you're ruining my life when you don't do things totally engaged. Thanks a lot. But it isn't just me that gets left out on that occasion. It's all the other people. I shouldn't say I'm included in that group necessarily, but anybody you don't care about. All the people that you didn't want to help, they won't be helped if you aren't totally engaged. Plus all the people that you did want to help, they also won't be helped. In other words, everybody will lose if you hold back anything in what you do. Now it isn't like total wipe out, you can still be somewhat helpful even if you're sort of half-hearted. Because you're always helping by showing people what it's like for somebody to be half-hearted, which is really nice for people to see.

[35:51]

So there's some good in that, so don't worry. You're always doing some good. As a matter of fact, you always are completely good, but still, the bodhisattva vow is to want everybody to be not only completely good, but realize it, and you realize it when you do things wholeheartedly. And when you do things wholeheartedly, that's renunciation, and vice versa. Practicing renunciation means that you give up everything but what you're doing, which is what you've already done anyway, so renunciation, again, isn't anything at all. And so is being upright, not anything at all. It just is exactly what you are. So it's a practice in affirming, or not affirming exactly, but reiterating, and reiterating your integrity, realizing your integrity, which you can't take away, and you can't bring on, you can only distract yourself from or appreciate.

[37:02]

And the way to appreciate your integrity is to leave it alone. Integrity doesn't need to be puffed up and patch it up and lift it up and squash it down or stretch it out. That's the thing about integrity. It's integral. It's already working for you right now. So uprightness, again, protects that too. The only thing that uprightness doesn't protect is what can't be protected. things. They're all going to be destroyed soon. But that's not what uprightness is trying to protect, so no problem. Also uprightness is not going to destroy those things. Uprightness is not the avenging angel. The world of karma is doing that. The world of cause and effect is munching everything up and spitting it out. So uprightness is just to get with the program and be released.

[38:07]

Okay, so now, if you're ready, we can begin to look at the three pure precepts, unless there's more questions on the refuges. If I spill the tea... I haven't been wholehearted. Can I say something? Yeah. Wrong! When I'm reaching for the key, am I, if I'm wholehearted, am I aware of everything else plus the key? Everything except my action is just action. But if somebody were coming up behind me, I would be aware of that while I'm reaching for the tea. Are you saying that if that was the case, then you'd be wholehearted?

[39:11]

Yeah. And if it wasn't the case, you wouldn't be wholehearted? Yeah. No. The thing about wholeheartedness is... that it's this wholeheartedness. These are different ways to talk about the same thing, right? This is the same thing. Taking refuge in Buddha, renunciation, you know, real confession, being upright, wholehearted, these are all the same thing. Okay? When you're upright, then renunciation is there. Let's start with that, right? So we start with renunciation. When there's renunciation, there's wholeheartedness. Okay? This uprightness is the mind which has no abode. Okay? So, when you reach for a teacup, the mind which has no abode does not have the abode of being aware of what's happening behind me and in front of me and to the right of me and to the left of me.

[40:17]

It doesn't have that abode. It doesn't have that quality. It doesn't have that characteristic. Okay? Okay? It doesn't have that. But it could. You know? I could pick this teacup up and be aware of what's behind me, in front of me, right of me, left of me. If I was, then wholeheartedness would in that case mean that I would be aware of what's behind me, in front of me, right, left of me. There's no quality... That's the thing about uprightness is uprightness is free of anything you can say about it. Renunciation means... Anything can be happening, and you can't say what it would be such that it would be there. Renunciation is to give up a life where you have qualities by which your life is good or bad. It just means that if you're aware of what's behind you and not of what's in front of you, then that's who you are. If you're not aware of who's in front of you and you are aware of who is behind you, and that's what's happening, and you're just completely that, then you are ready, since you're that way, then you're ready for whatever.

[41:40]

Including that something might happen in front of you and you might notice it. But you might not. The point is, you're ready for whatever happens. If you notice someone in front of you, then you're ready for that. That comes, then you're ready for that. Your mind didn't have an abode like that you were ready for something in front or that you weren't. Or that you already were aware of something in front or you weren't. You're really ready to respond appropriately. That means, and that comes from where you're at. So some people like, you know, they like, they have this like big peripheral vision or something like, you know, 360 degree vision. Well, great. That's wonderful. Some people have like tunnel vision. Wonderful. The person who has tunnel vision has tunnel vision and they have to accept that and not have a little bit

[42:45]

and not have a little bit more or a little bit less. The person who has this wonderful big vision, they have to have that big vision. They can't have a smaller vision or a bigger vision. They have to accept that. A woman has to be a woman. A man has to be a man. Old people have to be old people. Young have to be young people. Sick people, sick people. Healthy people. You have to be what you are. That's it. Not more or less than that. Not more or less than that. That is... total engagement. And renunciation means we renounce the strong habit of being more or less than that. And there's lots of excuses and reasons why we have this tendency to be more or less than that. Lots of habits there driving us in the direction of should be better or worse than that, should be older or younger than this, should be more feminine or masculine than this, all kinds of things like that, lots of habits, blah, blah, blah. It's not easy.

[43:46]

I didn't say it was easy to be upright. It's not easy to be upright and harmonize body, speech, and thought. It's not easy. Matter of fact, it is difficult. It is difficult to be mindful and remember what you're here for. It is difficult to do that. It is difficult to be alert. Alert. [...] Alert the way you can be alert too. and not even be alert the way I can be alert, or the way Kirk can be alert, but the way you can be alert. And not to try to be some other kind of alert than you are. It's difficult to be just exactly as alert as you can be, and not more or less than that. And to renounce wishing that you were as smart as somebody else, or that you were a little bit dumber and more relaxed than some people are. When I was an athlete, I used to lose all my track meets because I got so tense because I thought I was going to win.

[44:52]

And I had this friend who was, he was a very good athlete too, but he was so relaxed, he didn't think about winning and losing, but he was always relaxed, so he functioned at a very high performance level because he could hardly remember what was going on. He just did it. And I told my wife that the other day, I saved this little sports clipping, and it fell out of one of my albums. My daughter was showing my sports albums to her boyfriend. And this one little article fell out, little tiny clipping. And it was a clipping of the first track meet that I won. And I say that not just because it was the first that I won, but because the wonderful thing about it was that that day was a hot summer day, and I had gone to the beach that day and was out in the sun all the day.

[45:54]

And, like, I was just totally, like, enervated from the heat, you know. I was out in the water just baking in the heat, the water. I went to this track meet, and I had no strength. And I was just sort of, like, didn't think I could do anything, so I just went... I was a shot putter. I won. I had no strength, but I won. Now, if I had strength, of course, I could have thrown it much farther, but then I would have been thinking I could win, so I would have got nervous, and I wouldn't have my energy, and I would have been, like, way out there into winning land, rather than... So it was a very wonderful day to learn that. And that article fell out of the thing, and then it somehow gravitated over the dishwashing area and got wet. And I just took the article and dropped it in the garbage. And now that article has been celebrated to go to nirvana. We're functioning at very high performance sometimes, very beautifully, even though we're totally weak sometimes.

[47:01]

And sometimes we're very strong, but we're so much into like, what am I going to do with this, that we can't use it. You know, we're like, will the world be able to stand me if I hang with all this, you know? Sometimes you have a lesson, you say, I'm sure they can. Just be yourself. Well, it's fine. The thing is, total engagement, total engagement at being pooped, total engagement at, which is more difficult, it's more difficult, total engagement when you're full of energy. Very difficult. It's easier when you're kind of pooped, actually. But it doesn't mean you should try to be pooped. So it'll be easier. You should just try to hit the mark of who you are moment by moment. Remember, what's the vow again? Oh yeah. What's the way to protect that vow? Just be myself.

[48:02]

Because that is what ultimately you want to teach other people to be. To be themselves. Because if they can be themselves, they will realize Buddhahood and they will be released from suffering. And you're thinking about that before yourself. But in order to think about that and help others, you have to practice it yourself. But you don't have to think of doing it yourself, because if you think of doing it yourself, you're not wholehearted. So forgetting about your own concern is part of teaching people what they need to learn. So renouncing your own gain and your own development, renouncing it, brings it forth and teaches others how to do the same thing. So there's no criteria you should be trying to set up Elmer to get wholeheartedness. You should just be wholeheartedly Elmer, [...] Elmer and then sometimes wholeheartedly I can't remember who I am anymore. Again and again, wherever that is.

[49:04]

Whoever a forgotten Elmer is. A forgotten Elmer is different than a forgotten Jack or a forgotten Marianne. Different. Each of you will be somewhat different when you forget who you are. And then you'll be totally engaged in that. When you're totally engaged, you forget yourself. So we are always totally engaged. So the practice is to learn how to connect with that total engagement, how to realize that total engagement, which is our constant enlightened nature. There's one thing that doesn't change and that is that you're always totally engaged. You're always that way. You never have not been that way. You never will stop being that way. You will always be that way. That will never abandon you. The practice is to harmonize with that and then get your body, speech and mind to link in with that total engagement.

[50:12]

Okay? Okay? So now, you come up to the three pure precepts, all right? By the way, Sonia transcribed the first class. If anybody who didn't come to it would like to read about it. Here it is. Read all about it. First class, right here. Thank you. Thanks, Sonia. Marshall? Speak. Yes. Um... So I'm being wholeheartedly kind of like, I'm in this wonderful state, which just happens to be the one that is happening.

[51:23]

Or I kind of like to know exactly what you're talking about, but I don't know what to say. So say it again, maybe then I'll probably, something will come out of me, besides that. We have an action, a name word. Excuse me, what I mean is that sometimes people ask just the right question, and I'm so happy that I can't say anything. We want to just be ourselves, but the tension has come in and is blocking the action from being the wholehearted. Well, stop right there. I want to be myself. I want to be just who I am, okay? Now, if there's a little bit of difference between me, if that wanting to be just myself, if I'm a little bit over here and then being myself is a little bit over there, then there it is. There's the paradox. And it's very difficult then to harmonize me, myself, and I. Me, myself, and being myself completely. So now your question is?

[52:25]

That's the difficult situation. Your question is? Well, I guess I was seeing tension, like when you were talking about your situation as an athlete. Yeah, tension in, like, I wanted, you know... if you know that you can't win you probably don't worry about winning but if you think you probably can win I have a very good chance to win or you're almost sure that you're the best one in something then you're susceptible to thinking well geez it's right there I can just pick it right off the thing I can just reach over but then if you're that way that's kind of contradictory because if you're really if you're really going to win you don't have to worry about that And the funny thing is that the natural born winner to this particular thing, if they think about that they're the winner, that knocks them off a little bit. That's kind of a little bit of imbalance. Or if they really hope that now finally it's going to happen, that their natural thing that's supposed to be coming to them is going to finally happen now, also that will throw you off a little.

[53:32]

Or you could think that several things like that would throw you off a lot. And then even worrying, wouldn't it be terrible if now, the very time when I'm most suitable to win, wouldn't it be terrible if I didn't? And then thinking all those things, pretty soon you're like chopping yourself down, down, down, down. So how are you going to get out of that? Well, go swimming. Lounge around the beach, you know, I don't know what. I didn't do that on purpose though to get that way so you just sort of like you give up and you wind or you go shopping you know or you you do some irrelevant thing like that irrelevant from the point of you trying to get something but you don't do that on purpose to do something irrelevant you just wind up into another mode where you're not worried about winning anymore and you're just spending Saturday afternoon having fun being there and you go to the thing and you forgot all about winning and you just do your best And I really didn't care about that meat.

[54:36]

And I didn't think I would win. And I didn't think about winning. And I did. Now, I could have not won. And that would have sort of like fit right into what I thought was going to happen. And that would have been fine, too. But what surprised me was not only did I win, but I also threw much farther than I had thrown before, too. I won, threw farther than I had thrown before. All these things surprised me. and came from this place of relaxation. And I didn't try to get myself into a state of relaxation. I just renounced the whole thing and went to it anyway. I showed up for something. It wasn't that I didn't care, it's just that I had no particular investment anymore. I was just there, doing my best, having a good time, and I performed much better than I usually did. Then a couple years later, two or three years later, when I was a senior in high school, there was a meet.

[55:43]

In that same event, there was a meet where we were qualifying to get into the state championships. And when I was warming up, I was breaking the state record. And... just warming up, so I could see that I was going to, like, not only break it, but break the state record by a lot, and it's qualifying me to get into the state championships. And when it came time for me to throw, I just, you know, used all my energy, breaking state records right and left, warming up, and it was all gone, you know. I still broke the city record in that thing, but that year, that wasn't good enough, so I didn't even get to go to the meet. But that event was one of the things that most strongly turned me to Buddhism, that meet.

[56:53]

Because it was, you know, my time of greatest strength was my time of greatest defeat. If I had been weak, there wouldn't have been an issue. If I had been out of shape, there wouldn't have been an issue. I just would have seen, well, I did that and I did that. But I was this and I did this. So it was very interesting, very helpful to me. And it taught me I want to live this other kind of life. To take away this thing of being so interested in winning or whatever. This is not helpful. Me winning was not helpful. Matter of fact, it was contradictorily, paradoxically, quite unhelpful. Because this is not a sport of competition, really, of pushing against somebody or fighting.

[58:03]

In the realm of fighting, me winning sometimes does help. So in war, if you want to kill everybody, then sometimes me winning or me best is good. But when it has to do with your own self-performance, me winning does not help. Just me, all by myself, is what's best. The dancer, the artist, the athlete, just their own personal performance when they renounce everything is greatest. The runner. When they're really running, they are not thinking about... The great champions, when they set the records, are no longer thinking about running fast. They just go totally into the form. That's all. They're just into the form. There's nobody else. There's nothing else. There's no speed. There's nothing. They're just form. Here he is. Yeah. Just uprightness.

[59:10]

And not everybody that's upright will set the world's record. But you will set your... Everybody will do their best and the faster runners will set the world's records in that state. Each person will set their own personal record and will be their most bright thing in that state of uprightness. And any kind of gaining idea or wanting to be something or have some criteria that will just gnaw away at this. But even a little bit of gnawing, if repeated quite a few times, becomes extreme pain. But it isn't just that it's pain. The pain isn't so bad. So compassion, the compassion which comes out of this vow is not just that you, it isn't that you don't tolerate people's pain. You do tolerate people's pain in terms of pain. What you don't tolerate is endless pain. And endless pain is the pain that's connected to what a person does to cause an endless cycle of pain.

[60:20]

So when someone's in pain, just like when you're in pain, you teach patience with the pain. This is helpful to you and to them. But when a person or yourself is doing that which causes pain again and again, infinitely, shows the pattern which will guarantee that this pain will go on forever, that cyclic, perpetual, repetitive pain, that pain you don't have to be tolerant of. That you can be intolerant of. That you can say, no. I don't go along with this one. But you go along with the pain that comes from it, but not what causes it. You don't go along with what causes, with the delusion which causes endless pain. And the way you don't go along with it is by not practicing that way yourself. If you fight it, then you're doing what goes along with it. So you practice uprightness with that pattern.

[61:27]

So now we just got into the first pure precept. Okay? So there's three versions of the three pure precepts. And maybe next time I'll have a blackboard. The oldest version of the three pure precepts is the Buddha... I think it's in the Dhammapada. All Buddhas have taught. What is the teaching of all Buddhas? There's various ways to put this, but basically, avoid all unwholesomeness, practice devotedly all good, all wholesomeness, and purify the mind. Okay? This is what the Buddha taught. As what all the Buddhas taught.

[62:32]

Now, various Buddhas have had various kind of like what they call hobbies or, you know, specialties. Like one Buddha taught how to make ice cream, I understand. And another Buddha taught roller skating and so on. But among all the different varieties of what they taught, there's one thing that they all taught and that is Here's another way to say it. Avoid non-virtue, practice virtue, purify the mind. They all talk those three pure precepts. Or avoid evil, devotedly practice good, purify the mind. There's three. Well, like, this is the first version. This is the version of the Buddha in the early teaching, right? The Theravada. The Dhammapada. The first version, okay? Then in Mahayana Buddhism, there's another version of the three pure precepts, which is...

[63:42]

and I'll say this in Sanskrit, excuse me. The first one, the three disciplines, the precepts are sometimes also called the three disciplines now. The first discipline is what's called pratimoksha samvara. I'll write this on the board next week. Pratimoksha samvara, which means samvara is discipline. The discipline of those things which are conducive to liberation. Pratimoksha means the things conducive to liberation. And the Pratimoksha is stuff like, you know, don't kill, don't steal, don't intoxicate, don't commit adultery, don't lie, don't blah, blah, blah, all these don'ts in fine detail. That's what's called the Pratimoksha. It's rules for monks and lay people. There's different sets of Pratimoksha. The Pratimoksha is for novice monks, novice male monks, novice female monks, fully ordained female monks, fully ordained male monks, lay people, lay people on retreat, and so on.

[64:58]

There are different classes of these things, practices which are conducive to liberation, pratimoksas. So they look like practices which are like, don't do this, don't do that, don't do all these evil things. Don't doing these evil things is, turn it the other way, are To not do these evil things is to do things which are conducive to liberation. Not doing evil is conducive to liberation. Pratimoksha Sambhara. The discipline of those. That's the first one of the Mahayana. The second one is called Kushala Dharma Samgraha Sambhara. The discipline of those. of gathering, samgraha, all the kushala, wholesome, dharmas, things. So it's the discipline of gathering all the wholesome things. That's the second one in the Mahayana version of this three. The third one is sattva-kriya-sambhara.

[65:59]

The discipline of purifying Kriya means to purify or to exercise or work through and sattva as beings. So it's the discipline of helping beings purify themselves or helping beings re-exercise themselves all the way through. In other words, to develop. To develop and purify all beings. So you could say to avoid evil, to practice good and to purify or to save beings or benefit or develop beings. That's the three in the Mahayana. So Theravada again is avoid evil, practice good, purify the mind. The Mahayana is basically avoid evil, practice good and develop or mature all beings. Okay? And this school of Zen, we say the three this way.

[67:06]

We say the first one, instead of saying avoid evil, we say to fulfill or embrace and sustain. Each one has a first character. The first character can mean fulfill or And I'll go into detail about what that character can mean, but also can be translated as embrace or sustain or nurture or care for. Okay? But I'll just say embrace and sustain. Embrace and sustain right conduct. But literally, embrace and sustain forms and rituals. That's the first one. So it's more of a positive way. It's rather than saying avoid evil, we say embrace and sustain the forms of Zen practice. Like embrace and sustain gassho. Embrace and sustain bowing. Embrace and sustain cross-legged sitting.

[68:06]

Embrace and sustain kin-hi. Embrace and sustain planting things carefully in the garden. Embrace and sustain sweeping the ground. Embrace and sustain offering incense. Embrace and sustain studying the scriptures. All the different forms of Zen practice. Embrace and sustain a formal, present way of washing your face. Embrace and sustain your vow. Saying it carefully in a proper way. In an upright way. In other words, all the different forms throughout the day. Walking, standing, sitting, lying down. Every form you do with your body, speech, and thought. Every form. There's a form of each thing. Doing that form in the authentic Buddha way. Just like a Buddha would. In other words, just like you as a Buddha would. Using a form. That's the first one. The next one is good. All kinds of good. All kinds of good like the six perfections, giving, and enthusiasm, patience, concentration, wisdom.

[69:20]

serving people in all the different ways you can serve people, any way you can help people, listening to people's suffering, being present with people in an upright way, teaching the precepts, learning about the precepts, teaching the sutras, learning the sutras, teaching the Dharma, giving the Dharma, receiving the Dharma, all those millions of infinite ways of benefiting beings, of helping, good, all the dual, all those kinds of good. And the last one is to embrace and sustain all beings. Again, an uprightness to meet every single living being and embrace and sustain them. Not push them up or squash them down, not move them to the right or the left, simply on the spot, as they come, embrace and sustain them. Again, we do, naturally, we are embracing each other all the time, we do sustain each other, we all, each of, all of us are sustained by each other, all of us are embraced by each other all the time, so this vow is to join the embracing and sustaining that's going on right now.

[70:28]

So those are the, that's the Soto Zen way of saying the first three. So, the treatment is slightly different in each case, but my plan is to go, what I'm going to do is, I think, is to go through these three precepts and first I think I'll maybe do one at a time. First, approach them in the conventional way, in terms of, like, doing things, and then in a kind of non-doing, or not unconventional, but ultimate way, to do each one that way, these two different ways, or a kind of dualistic approach and a non-dual approach for each of the three ways. and see how long, see if that works. I mean, see if we can do that in this class. Okay, Renee? You were talking about embracing and sustaining. It seems, what you said last time and the last couple of times, that if you embrace and sustain yourself, then you naturally embrace and sustain others.

[71:39]

But somehow it doesn't work. outside in but it works inside out I don't know if I know what you mean but I agree because it sounds to me like what you just said is that it doesn't work to not be upright if you try to help others and you like lean into the otherness of them you're not upright it's still to want to help others to really want to help others and to lean into the otherness of them is a forgivable thing and a confessable thing. But it should be confessed. It's good if you confess it. A lot of people who really want to help people do lean into the otherness of the other person. This is a little bit of a fault. This weakens your vow a little bit. It causes a kind of a drain in your vow energy. If you try to help others and get into leaning into their otherness, But it's a very common... By common, I mean that's an understatement that it's common.

[72:45]

It's like almost, you know, maybe a zillion times the bodhisattva will fall into that thing of the otherness of the other which they are now trying to help. You want to help others, but again, if you really want to help them, you're going to have to drop this otherness thing. You've got to renounce otherness. Which means, it doesn't mean like you sort of like cross off, get rid of otherness. It means you don't lean into it. You just say, okay, there's another, but I'm not going to like lean into the otherness of it. I'm going to be upright with the otherness of it. Okay. Otherness is already quite a bit to deal with. And because it's so much to deal with, we want to lean into it. Do you know what I mean? It's hard to just face it. Would you say that the cause of the leaning into is the desire for something for oneself?

[73:47]

Yeah, sort of. Well, it's not so much the desire for something for oneself, but it's the claim to the self. Yeah. You want something out of it for yourself. That often is the thing, is that you want something out of it for yourself or... And what you want out of it for yourself is like you would like to make it a little easier for yourself because when you stand in the presence with this, if you have this open, soft, mushy, warm heart and you stand in the presence of someone, you're vulnerable, you're helpless, you know. And you kind of like, would like to get things under control here a little bit and get these people to, you know, get their act together, right? Get these disciples to learn something here. Right? Have these nice little, you know, clones coming down the production line here, the Bodhisattva production line. Get these people, you know, get these people moved along here and graduated and out the door doing their work, you know.

[74:50]

This is the kind of stuff you'd like to have happen. Rather than, like, just stand in awe of each and every living being. which is so difficult to stand there and be there with otherness. Otherness is awesome. But if you can get a hold of them and start pushing them around or something, it's not so bad after all. And they're willing to go along with it too. They don't want to face it either. So you can usually find quite a few zillions of people to cop out with in mass events, you know. But to stand and meet someone in their otherness and be upright and meet that, that's really difficult. But then leaning doesn't really work. And leaning, it isn't horribly terrible, it just takes a little bit of energy out of you because you lose energy when you lean into the other.

[75:50]

And you like to lose the energy because now it's not so intense. And when you lose less energies, you can cut the energy in half or in a third or to a tenth or to a hundred. Then you kind of say, well, I can control this much energy. Get back in some power here. But if you open up to the fullness of the energy, you realize, I can't. Just sit here and let's learn something here. We're a student now. So, yeah. So I think I understood that that's, yeah. But again, When you lean into that and you cut into that and simplify it and make it more handleable, pint-sized kind of version of reality that you can get a hold of, then you just confess that and say, well, there I made it, something I could deal with again, and I'm kind of a weak guy and, you know, I do that. But then when I realize I'm kind of a weak guy, then it's awesome again that I can admit I'm a weak person. It's kind of awesome.

[76:51]

I can be a weak person. And if I can be a weak person, then maybe I don't have to not be a weak person. Maybe I don't have to be somebody who does make things controllable. Then I'm back facing the unknowable, ungraspable relationship that we actually have again. It's right after I confess I come back to that. but then the next moment I want to chop it down, make it small, get a hold of it again, and I confess it again, I'm back to uprightness. Confession is really a big practice. Confession does not hurt. Confession sort of patches up the balloon or whatever, patches up the Bodhisattva vow from the latest attempt to exploit it or diminish it, package it, gain something from it, use it for this, use it for that, have it be something that you can do something about. We're going to keep thinking of these things forever. But if you catch them, that alertness which catches them, then you got it.

[77:56]

Confession, you're back up again. So confession is just being aware of these processes happening within yourself? Yeah. It's not like being aware and then slapping yourself in the face. It's just that awareness which, again, rectifies you, brings you right up again to balance. I have a question. Do you experience the awesomeness of this otherness, being with someone and seeing their suffering, say, and experiencing fears of another being? What would keep you upright at that moment as you have this soft, warm heart that you're experiencing this? Just experiencing it? Nothing keeps you upright. At that moment, then that's over. There was just that moment. It's all gone. Nothing keeps it. However, the awesomeness does go on.

[78:57]

And the question is, can you in the next moment, when it gets delivered in this next next manifestation and next set of appearances come up, can you like remember again where, you know, what, oh, you, you know, and the answer is usually we kind of get thrown for a loop every time. Even when you get present, then everything changes and you get a whole new like world delivered to you. And then you get thrown for a loop and you sort of like probably maybe start off being off again. So confession might be the first thing you do with your new set of circumstances, which then brings you back. and this is the sense of every moment you get born again and thrown for a loop again and can hardly remember what you came here for again, every moment you kind of forget your bodhisattva vow and forget why you're born, forget what you want to do and get off track and remember, catch yourself, come back. And then, after doing that heroic thing and being all that kind of attentive and courageous and present, then all that gets changed.

[79:59]

Start over. And it's also a sincere regret. Because I can notice something I'm doing and say, hey, this is not a good thing. I'm burning myself in. I'm somebody else and creating this karma and continue to do it. I can be aware of what I'm doing. And also it includes in that stomping action and skin searing. So you see remorse. Yeah, I like remorse. Remorse means to munch again. Taste it again. Remorse. Taste it again. And then you learn. You get a little bit more learning out of it then. So there is something good about these errors or these leanings. There's something good about them. The good thing about them is that you can learn from them.

[81:02]

Now, there's something about Sarah very kindly took the paperclip off that because you probably thought there were multiple copies of that, didn't you? That's not why I did it. Oh. I was trying to be helpful. And what did you take the paperclip off for? So that if someone wanted to reach over and get one easily, they could. Yes, I mean, but you get one, you thought there were more than one there, right? Yes, I thought this was like... That's what I thought you thought. And as I sat here, I realized, oh, this is all... Yeah, so how many people want to read this thing? Yeah, so that's a problem. There's one set. Everybody take one word. Okay, so I think we need to make...

[81:49]

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