an early
at the end of our last meeting
hum
in the process of discussing these for
this for methods ah that bodhisattvas practice
these four ways of of embracing and sustaining
beings
and also for ways of being embraced and sustained
by beings
and thus far away ways we're giving
loving speech
beneficial action and
identity action or cooperation
i saw these are these practices that dumb
you might say solitary buddhas
come and practice in order to realize together with buddha
so
again being only a boot are solitary buddha practicing these for methods we also realize together with buddha and the combination of
it's only a border together with buddha that is
good that is up
understanding the reality of all things
understanding they're all reality all things is being ourselves completely in an intimate relationships with other beings who are themselves completely
so we have the job of being self completely
or the opportunity to be ourselves completely and then to engage intimately with others and so one description of that process is giving loving speech beneficial action and identity action with other all be
things
that sound familiar somewhat from last week and we were talking about the first one i think i'm not i'm not from god but anyway in response to the first wander in relationship to the first one i said that the first one means giving yourself
and i think barbara john asked about what about having boundaries
and i think i said well on
so part of the practice of giving is giving boundaries
when you give yourself
when you give yourself fully
you give yourself all the way to your boundaries
you don't just give kind like the
this part of yourself you give yourself all the way to your boundaries
so giving boundaries are giving up to the point of your boundary is what that practices and that is a way for you
being completely you to meet another person being completely another person are you being you meeting a coffee cup
or a tree or a mountain
so tonight i really liked to get into this business of boundaries and limits
and how that is part of
realizing the reality of ball things

so i
i think i'm coding now
ralph
waldo
emerson that his name
others toughest there's some rumors about him studying buddhism to some extent but anyway some of his teachings ah are very heckle the buddhist teachings and tonight i like to mention that in one of his essays calls nature
i think it's there he said something like
in every landscape
the point of astonishment
he is where the earth
meets
the sky
or the point of astonishment is a meeting of sky and earth

now earth is a big in away from our perspective or it's a big place but it's limited
it has limits
the sky and the other hand does not have limits
but it don't have limits what is the limit of the sky
the limit of the sky is the earth
the sky ends at the earth
as soon as the sky meets the earth it's it's reached his limit
and the sky fully gives its limit to the earth and the earth fully gives its limit to the sky and where they meet our emerson called that the point of astonishment

what comes to my mind is i don't either i don't know if the root of the word astonishment is but i would also call that place where
heaven meets earth or sky meets earth i would call that place to place
where the light is shining it's a place of radiance
now here at green gulch we do have this situation of the earth meeting the sky but we also have a part of the earth called the see the sea part of the earth and it's it's everyday it's astonishing to see that see the limit of the sea
meet the limit of the sky it's so amazingly rarely at that meeting place of course that you could say the whole oceans radiant and i went the the place of emphasis tonight is where the sky meets the sea where the sky meets the earth
now in buddhist terms ah we have we have buddhist terms like nirvana have you heard of that one
and samsara have you heard the word samsara
samsara means going around
between birth and death and birth and death to be caught in a cycle of birth and death nirvana's light
free freedom is it is not being caught by the cycle
however
nirvana is not the least bit different from the cycle
just like the sky is not the least bit different from the earth
because the limit of the sky is the earth and the limit of the earth is the sky
the limit of samsara
is nirvana
and the limit of nirvana is some sarah
the limit of me is you
the lemon of you is me but when i say you i mean all of do not just one of you
but
if me if the individual media meets one of you i also me all of you and vice versa
so part of what giving
is a bot is giving yourself but also allow yourself to be completely yourself all the way to your limits and then allowing and others to be themselves all the way to their limits
and as you might have already guessed that is a challenging practice
for example we may have we we often may feel some shyness or fear of letting people know her limits

when you let somebody know your limits especially if you do it
with kind speech with loving speech when you lovingly show them your limits
you're more fully
exhausting your limits and that's where you meet the other if you have limits and you don't allow them you're not been generous
do yourself and your relationship with others
our limits
should need to be
honored and expressed
but again
it may take us a lot of practice to find the way to express our limits
fully
and again fully me is kindly
calmly as matter of fact when we remember silence and stillness from there we must clearly can express our limits

allowing ourselves to have limits helps us a allow others to have limits
and welcoming our our limits
promotes as welcoming others limits and in promoting these limits and both sides of the relationship we have buddha together with buddha

one time an ancient teacher
asked his assembly i think he was speaking to
his students
or but maybe i got it wrong either he was speaking to students or someone asked him where are all the buddhas born so either he asked the congregation where are all the buddhas born or somebody asked him where are all the buddhas born
i'll give you a head another way to say that is where
is the birth of understanding their reality of all things
and the teacher whose name was young men said
eastern mountains travel over the water
where the mountains touch the water and move over them at that point of contact is were booed as are born

the heart sutra says form is emptiness emptiness is form
other words the limit of form is emptiness the limit of emptiness is form
the same is true of feelings perceptions are mental formations and consciousness at the limit of consciousness is emptiness at the limit of a color is emptiness at the limit of a taste is emptiness at the limit of a touch
is emptiness at the limit of a thought is emptiness had to limit of a perception emptiness at the limit on feeling emptiness
at the limit of emptiness feeling
at the limit of emptiness
color
at the limit of this is the limit of that that's where everything meets everything meets at their fullness
and fully expressing and fully allowing and giving allowing myself to be limited and giving myself to be limited
in the essay on only a buddha together with buddha dogan makes a statement
which has been translated some some people translated as don't be afraid of know you don't be afraid of being small
don't be afraid of being limited
it's necessary
or i would say even been i would say go i hadn't be afraid of being limited
but don't let being afraid of being limited stop you from it being generous to yourself and allowing yourself to be limited even if you're afraid to be limited even if you're afraid to be small
express your smallness to the end of your smallness
and there you will meet
not smallness

so the mountain
on the waters
the place the mountain touches of waters is at the base of the mountain gonna walk all the way down the mountain all the way to the tip of the bottom of the mountain where it meets the water that's where buddhas are born
if to fully express the limit of the mountain that you are
and there is the radiance of the mountain and the radiance of the water

maybe that's enough for starters
i'm
did i talk about kind speech last week
we're talking to someone like talking to a baby remember that
i think i talked about all for right
so i welcome your feedback on all that
any questions or comments you have
on
fully giving our limits and encouraging others to fully be themselves all the way to the limit of themselves any questions about that practice and how it relates to
zazen how it relates to
only a buddha and a buddha only a buddha together with buddha
how it relates to
where buddhas are born

stephen
i i wrap the stephen
so i really like that and i think an answer some questions for me and i don't know i think you probably are aware that i'm interested in intersubjectivity but ah
the the limits of bothers me even did you say intersubjectivity yes i i i kind of put some different dumb understandings on that but i mean i think i understand it as well as probably
what a most other people do as well but i'm
you know the i think what this answers is our on really gets the bottom up pretty nicely is
ah am i think sort of our violence violation i mean this is the way to limit and for friend violence in violation in this practice because if i
have to respect the limit in fact as as a buddha arrive as bodhi or insofar as i i take card and bodhi bodhi respects limits the only way i can meet on
you is exactly the same place where you can meet me and there would be a violation and violence if i could meet you somewhere where you couldn't meet me so no spy right i mean there's no i'm
ah
yeah the the meeting is radically egalitarian
and
i i think that answers a lot of questions and in age i mean just very speculatively it seems to me that it's highly interesting if this universe were set up and whoever set the universe op said oh by the way we're going to do this and and i ultimately
yea there's gonna be no violation we're gonna respect limits

so stephen just brought up intersubjectivity and i saw a subject is limited
and i'm a limited subject and each of you as a limited subject
but our intersubjectivity is not limited

our interloper subjectivity is the space between and all around us
and an order to enjoy that that intersubjective conversation
we need to allow others
to be fully to be fully their subject and allow us to be fully our subject and we need others to help us
be falling our subject by for example calling us into question
i cannot be my full limited self without you questioning me
and you cannot be your full self without inviting me and others to question you
to call are you into account
in this being called into account how of me
fill myself be myself to my limits to my utmost
and in that utmost me meeting utmost you we have this image this event of intersubjectivity so it's it and that's buddha to get together with buddha so me being completely solitary me that's part of it
then there's me being me completely a limited
me completely limited me together with you completely you and that relationship is intersubjectivity
and i need to respect my myself and you in order for that intersubjectivity you'd be fully alive
and i'm i must give up trying to control you
i must be i i must be generous with you
and that generosity is to completely let you be the way you are
and
enquire
how you're doing with that work
to see if you feel your
your job of being yourself is alive
thank you steven

hello hello
oh okay let thing and so glad they use that that you
he really went into detail about boundaries and limits it's in so poetically with their landscape
because i wanted to am
as people have been sharing about knew coming into their dream
i wanted to share my dream but it's also very related to and boundaries or something that happened with my sister so it's two stories so first than my dream when you appeared in their appearance
i it was a phone call and you were in a drunk state oh no
and in the beginning i was not understanding
what are you talking about because it was not making sense
and so then somehow in my mind i thought all
because in the conversation and the lotus sutra intends to the awareness of drunkenness and alcohol and all of that was in the atmosphere i think my mind label that as oh this is something related to alcohol i'm gonna get help
so there was like a boundary that was reached and i thought
i don't know how to respond to this i was i tried like this are like this and didn't work
then when i went to get help
i woke up
and i was thinking then ah i should have engaged more i should try to figure it out because then
i didn't have anything
so this is one story
now it makes me think with their boundaries
i had a very negative experience with my sister because she was fully herself
and she exploded with a lot of 'em
cursing and making
the signals gestures with her hand very negative to me
and
she had never done that to me i know that she has done that in her job and things have happened to her that i had never experienced that
and
i know that
i i was speechless then but now i know she reached my boundary is that very disrespectful very but in that moment i didn't know to tell her but i known i know next time i if she thought when she
alex to me then i have this talk about the boundary
but so these two stories i want your feedback
because you're saying that when you allow others to be fully themselves and then you are fully yourself when you reach the boundary
in my experience
when there is
something that is beyond
tolerance
then when you set a boundary you're not allowing that person to be themselves
like you were gone from the phone call you were gone i didn't allow and my sister she cannot be fully herself like that with me again
yeah
oh
you said which many people say set a boundary
rather than give a boundary
so i propose to you that in that conversation you and your sister that neither one of you were fully yourself
i mean neither one of you realized you said she was for yourself but
i don't think you can be fully herself unless you give yourself fully
and you could have given her a boundary cause it was there and you you you did find it eventually but before you found your boundary which i don't know if you really gave it to her as a gift before she gets the gift of your boundary
she he can't be fully herself that's what i'm saying
so you say she can't be that way again but i will say you can help her be more fully herself next time by giving your boundary
i would say as soon as you feel it as soon as you feel the place for she she's coming too far or you're not going far enough
are you know beam give more energy to your boundaries sooner so that will help her be who she is fully but i don't think she can like stephen was saying earlier she can't be fully herself as she's being violent
and she can't really be nonviolent all by herself she needs you to help her by showing her what you've find to be violent or what you find to be
pushing on your boundary you need to tell her about your boundary she cannot find your the boundary by herself you need to give it to her as a gift
and you can see e one way to say a boundary is you you cannot be that way anymore
when you say that do you mean it as a gift
it's like you cannot be that way anymore because now i'm talking
when i'm talking to you you're not that way anymore it's me talking now
she cannot be fully herself without you
and part of the way you can help it would be fully yourself is by managed by saying
you know you cannot be this way but another way to say it was i need you to do this or that i have limits i have boundaries i want to go want to tell you about them
yeah that if
in our inner in a conscious com stay there as a parent it's like yes i have to do that just like when i remember the name green last week and when she was speaking at really touched me because i felt my story
i want to have that those words but when the aggression is coming the most that i can do is at least i can stay still and not run away or not
so at least like that the most that i could have could do that moment
you'd you did what you did and what you did was perfect but you didn't realize how perfect it was and in fact in order to realize it you we do need we do need to be calm and quiet we need to remember silence and stillness when we're being attacked
this is what this training is about it's about learning to be silent and still when it when we're being attacked
is that easy to learn
no is it necessary to learn it yes
the buddha has learned
to be remember and receive silence and stillness
all the time including when being attacked
then when you are remembering silence and stillness when you're attacked you can give a gift of your boundary you can put your hand up you can salute you can hold your nose you can say can i ask a question you can put your boundary out there is a gift because you remember silence and stillness
us
the silence and stillness of you is talking and helping the other person remember her silence and stillness
that requires skill it requires skill and the skill requires training it requires from mindfulness and remembering
to try it to try remembering and remembering thousand stillness and see how that is and see how when you remember it verify what i just said there when you remember it you will be able to be known by new and
in response to the violence
and you'll be happy that you remembered it and you'll be happy to offer this non violent boundary
generously offer a non violent boundary
two
something you feel is needs needs you to express it for example violence
i want to give a non-violent boundary to violence but i need to be calm and quiet
to speak and gesture in that way
in that way she in that way when you're that way she will not talk that way anymore she will talk a new way they'll be no problems but she she will be changed by your practice your practice will change the way she acts even whether you say i want you
to stop that are you don't what you offer will be your limit your or limit your limits gift gift gift
but your limit will be given generously and calmly and nonviolently and she has a chance to meet them
let now may get makes me think of how it's related to the dream is because of fear
because mentor drugs my experience with a drunk is violence and
i don't know what to do i i need help or i mean to get away so to you do need help
didn't help you there god you need his courage and compassion courage and compassion you need you need to end the fear may come the fear may still come
you're on fear
and you and you can you can find you your relationship with your fear
sometimes it means when you find it you say guess what i'm afraid i'm feeling afraid but again that it's given us a gift
it's a kind of boundary it's you come into the boundary of your fear and may be telling somebody about it
and my experiences that when people tell us their that they're afraid it's often not it's not violent
but if they don't honor their fear they often act violently
or if they're intoxicated they use they use intoxication to push their fear don't then there are a slave of their fear
and they act violently
so part of the com is to calmly embrace the fear com doesn't push the fear away
it recognizes limits and him and in that way generously give the limits and in that generosity it takes care of the fear
okay
the lap here
i'd like to also say briefly that in this intersubjectivity which is like space
you know you know each of us subject is like
what it's like the earth were different were or where the earth were limited forms of the earth and we relate to each other but our relationship with each other is like space
we can't get out the relationship between us
we can't hear it
we can't see it we can't touch it we can't smell it we can't take it and we can't even think of it we can think of it but that doesn't reach it
so part of what we need to do is celebrate
this
this relationship between us
which is completely the relationship between our sensory beings
but the relationship is not a sensory event
it cannot be seen or heard
or smelled or touched or tasted like it says in the heart sutra in emptiness no eyes no ears no knaus no tang nobody no mine
in the in the space between the limits of me and the limits of view
in that space
we will realize the truth in completely including us to our limits
fully myself meeting you full it
we realize that there is this intersubjective conversation going on
which we cannot see or hear
so part of what also may help this study is to remember that the
the truth
of others
in this intersubjective through the truth of others will come to us in this intersubjective space
and an order for me to open to that i need to celebrate and welcome what cannot be seen or heard or smelled or so touched our tasted
and the in order to meet in order to fully welcome what cannot be seen or heard or felt ours or thought i have to fully be my seeing hearing smelling person but does not all i have to do i also have to welcome
this ah unheard and unseen
and on smelled and untouched to not teach tasted
and i'm thought of relationship
in that relationship we will really
do justice for and to each other
so again we need to fully be ourselves to our limits and we need to learn to
celebrate
what is beyond our limits which we can't see or here
like keith said heard my allergies are sweet
but does unheard are sweeter
therefore ye soft pipes play on
not to the same short ear
but more endeared
prior to the spirit ditties of no tone
this is his words which we can hear but his words come from the internet subjective reality between him and all beings
his relationship with all beings from there came these words
about his relationship and our relation ship with all beings which is unseen and unheard

is there another offering

yes when yeah
this is i really add sarah goes to the hardest of that line this whole question of boundaries am i know i i know that ah
a having boundaries and at being fearless and for having fear is really a vibration in me i'm sort of a polarity of opposites that exist and am i know for example face to face transmission to me it
is a vital key to being able to actually have conversations and it with energy and or it right or a or i have i'm in minnesota i have some conversations going on and i am not completely down
and there's just not face to face transmission and so and i don't feel okay with it i don't feel like i will be respected or that i matter and on so that's something in the literature that i really am need and then
the other thing is i'm
his i in order to have control a little control of my mind or what i'm experiencing am
i have had to call and other key test vara from the lotus sutra and i actually read it every night before got a bad chapter twenty five
where the the palm of a and it's what's interesting is it's allowed me to set down you as my teacher and sat down and
an an and i find that a that it's true that in the book read if you cry out the there is energy that comes there and it's protective energy and because like something out perceived as snaky and but then i'll read the flower
sutra not be like they'll call it banners says like a waving energy can be a banner or can be a snake and so has ah how i read things and it goes to the heart of god because some things i'm not interested in cavorting with i don't want a pivot with i feel like i don't
think so i think if i pivot am i end up either a hungry ghost or i'm an end up a snake or and and a banana rum and i'd just rather opt out i'd rather just stay in emptiness and be alone with of lucky cash vara who will come to me and so as you can see there's lots of juice
around us so i guess i'll i'll be opened anything you have to say

well i think you just express some limits
and i support you do to do that
and i hope you feel that you have been gracious and generous are your limits just know
i wish i didn't have them but i do that but there's no generous road right now but and wishing that you didn't have these limits that's another limit
right
and i hope you get i pray that you can be generous towards your wishing that you didn't have the limit you have that will help you write i hope to more fully accept your limits because you're like other people you have limits and you've just told us about yours and i hope you can
i wouldn't say one more thing and that is has to do with the limitlessness of me and i hired a convicted pedophile to direct one of my plays and it was against really a lot of people's ideas or it was kind of against
i mean he hadn't been hired for a very long time there were no children and my cast and he was a genius and i thought i want to work with him and i don't want to be his condemn her he went to jail it's not my position and i worked with him more than once in a play in it just so happened that he was dying
ing and it just so happened that he was at my hospice and it was just so happened that there was an actress who was a nurse who came up to me and said i can't tell you because i hope hippo who's down that hall but you go down that hall and i went there and i went up to this dying sex offender who i
loved and i said i forgive you and i don't think i know if i meant it after i said it i was like i don't know if i meant that but i said it and i could see at least in his partner cause he he i don't know how much he knew but his partner was really moved by it and as i said
it after i said it his whole body shimmered and i could see he was really a monster he really was as he was dying sometimes you get a flicker of what's there and it was like shocking and i knew that if he could he would reach out and eat my head
it was weird but i didn't have a limit their because a lot of people wouldn't hire them you did have a limit
i didn't have a limit
if you don't have a limit you're not here
you can't be here without a limit
and i hope you can express your limits and realize that footswitch you're doing and thank you very much

sarah
he was
and sarah
i don't have anything as dramatic or exciting is that
that was amazing
i was feeling like
but somehow the metaphor didn't work for me about this that the atmosphere in the ocean because i'm a biologist and i can't turn it off so i was thinking about though
dissolution of gases in the ocean the nitrogen and oxygen and carbon dioxide i'll go i'll go into the water and dissolved and and your things go the other way to of of the ocean does
solving the mountains and breaking things down over time and so i need another metaphor i need to turn my on my yeah
biological
science brain off for a little bit i think i understand that bad idea of boundaries
but i just start thinking

so thinking is an example of something
it has boundaries
what you're thinking
meets what you're not thinking
at the fullness said you're thinking
so you just told us about your thinking
and can you see them the limit of your thinking
and can you express to limit of you have your thinking would you just did did you see yourself expressing the limit of your thinking
you said that metaphor doesn't work for me
so that's the limit of the working metaphors metaphors to didn't work at it you reach the limit of a working metaphor and you told us about it
and what i'm saying is that the limit that you the end that you could have told me that and maybe you did as a gift to me and everybody here that you gave us the gift of the limits of your thinking in relationship to a metaphor and
you know what i thought about doing it and that was too scared
hello u script that you did it i know but i was gonna say that's what i was gonna do i so i was gonna say you know it i'm gonna practice
i'm giving a boundary but i was a too afraid to say that but i think that's what you just you ever ready to say that yeah are the front is a yeah but you did it but i did not insult but i wasn't afraid to say it yeah so i i'm say you just did what we can talk but you told us
about a boundary in your consciousness and you're thinking you said you got this gut is these days but these metaphors over here work and these don't so the did the boundary on the working better for us went up when not right up to this example and didn't work there you told us about you
your own the limits of your mind
and you didn't pretend to be somebody who was different from you at that moment
and also you notice some fear about acknowledging the teaching in relationship to your mind
but now it's out in the open because you told us a butter
and now we can see if we can allow that to be completely
thanks for letting me play you're welcome
thanks for come into play
that intersubjective space is a play space
him
yeah

tillman

i somehow your muted and that are know what's going on

i still can't hear you
i see your lips move thing
you're you're either videos not frozen
but i can't hear you
but we have some limits here

heard melodies are sweet but doesn't herders reader

you're lucky
where do you pay
oh i don't know where i'm going with this exactly bit earn the metaphor about earth and sky really did work for me and
when it brought up for me was a a thought that you don't usually when we think about or when i think about earth and sky i think about something out there at the horizon
but really earth and sky me very immediately right in front of me you know it's an immediate thing and there's something about boundaries to where i think of boundaries as a way of saying stop or don't you know back up
but just putting the hand of like that allows for it's it's more intimate it's like a into request for for space we become really intimate and i just think that kind of ironic him
interesting home
an emmy and talents and it's really enhance

can you go i agree that when we have limits and that's that but when we express them that's an active in that's an act which promotes realization of intimacy
we're actually always intimate with our limits
we're actually are limited beings moment by moment and expressing our limits coffin is a very dear and precious an intimate moment
the told you before some of you i was with one of my grandsons when he was about modern or four years old and were it
we're in a lake and he was walking in to the lake
and
on this lakehead seaweed in it
so when you walk into the lake he had walked through seaweed and for people who aren't familiar with seaweed on what you want to walk into it feels kind of might say creepy
ah a lot of people find it creepy to walk with those plants and grabbing your ankles and and calf pinzon so he was walking into the water i was a little ways away from them
and he stopped
and his mother sent what's the matter and he said
i'm having trouble with the plant life
and so that's like a moment you know for me
he was when that it that non violent expression of this little boy about his limits in our with this plant life it was egypt a very intimate moment which i remembered dearly
and that's going on all day long
and out at that moment
i felt it very intimate with his limits
of his legs with the seaweed

yeah i think there's a way that we think about boundaries as town
creating some space but rarely
it got paid up they don't work that way they don't create space they meet space yeah
when we don't feel actually and when we don't fall ill enough space boundaries help us find it but the boundaries don't create a space boundaries are way we get in touch with space
so again there's another one of my grandsons ah when he was pretty young learn the expression i need space sir robin just push other kids away he will was taught to say i need space so when he's saying a binary by addressing what he's looking for
for he wants space but he's feeling the his boundaries and by saying his boundaries he might get the space he needs
the he might you might get in touch with the space we need the space but without being honest about our boundaries we get suffocated
but if we use boundaries to push things away that doesn't make space
but if we use boundaries as a gift to help us find the space which we need which goes right with the boundary
it to edge of the boundary is based but we have to express the boundary to meet the face the space and the face
thank you thank you

iran
am i wanted to go back to what you said about how we need to fully be ourselves tour limits and celebrate that which is beyond our limits that we can't see taste touch or smell
on the made me elaborate space calibrates face it made me think of
something that you said to me in recent months which is i believe that i didn't need to feel compassion in order to be
compassionate yes thank you and a
so that is kind of mysterious to me i'm i take it on faith but i've been practicing that i think you told me that i could just say the word compassion or say avalokiteshvara and that was enough
i am et cetera he doesn't sound like me i almost never use the word enough oh ah average deck ah that would be good
i don't want to burn i don't like to turn good into enough
but it were don't go if you remember the word compassion that would be good
but i want to get enough
okay that was that was my word which was not yours
i'm so
can i say
yes
i just thought example when you said
it's i just say it's possible to be compassionate without feeling like you're being compassionate right and i thought example it's possible that a woman
who has breasts and malkin them can give melt to have a baby or even to some other grown up person that a woman can give breasts from her milk without think without thinking that she's been compassionate without feeling like she's being compassionate
but that that milk is being given freely and generously and compassionately but she might have no idea that she's been compassionate and the whole world might be celebrating her compassion
but she doesn't even think of that which it also think this is pretty compassionate of made to be doing this
right but you don't have to think it and sometimes you you are compassionate and you don't think it but you still compassion
and maybe sometimes your compassionate and you think your compassionate that's okay it is not necessary yeah it's the nothingness i almost never think i'm being compassionate
in someone might say well that's because you never are ah a
but i really don't but i do think i i always remembered to be i remember to be compassionate
a lot and i i i remember that i wanna be but i don't go around saying well i am
right well what my question relates to my perception of the experience ah
ah
for me
i feel like i understand something when i feel it in my whole body and sometimes i can be i think so generous to a situation or myself that maybe i had i have met my limit but it it
maybe i'm getting stuck in the idea that i really am doing it when i'm feeling it i'm you seem to me up
but that is that is getting stuck you don't need to feel perceive it
to be took to hold onto the idea that you need to feel something in order to do it that's been stuck on that idea what an idea
not a feeling it's the idea that you needed so again you can love someone wholeheartedly without feeling like you love them
and you can and you can have an experience which fills your body and you have no idea that the experiences filling your body
but you could have the idea is optional
right
get optimal just like i say you know buddhists who are truly buddhists do not think i'm truly a buddha minyak
but they might think that it's just they usually don't
well you could you could feel like you're being compassionate it's all right to feel that but he took away the feeling you'd still be that way you'd still be compassion if you are compassionate and you felt like you were fee if you didn't have that feeling you still would be compassionate just like if you help some if you off
for somebody some milk and he said he given to them you can think i just gave them some milk but you don't have to think that you given them out you can give it to them without thinking of it
you can give it to him while you're thinking it's a beautiful day today and you you handle the milk you never think you'd never think you're doing it but you can also think i am handing them the milk that's okay too it's not necessary
oh i can see where i'm getting stuck it's not so much that i'm going around thinking i am compassionate but i'm thinking wow this feels good
it's an version of that pardon which is a version of that i think
ah yeah it's it's a version of that but you can also whatever does it feels good you can feel it without thinking that it feels good yeah and i suppose not put a limit on it by thinking i shouldn't be feeling that way
but then just realise what you did i just put a limit on it and i'm totally i'm totally limiting and and i'm completely allowing myself up the limited
i'm not telling anybody not to limit anything i'm saying limits are really an essential ingredient in realizing awakening
and being afraid of being limited are thinking we're supposed to be unlimited while we are unlimited that's part of what we are is unlimited but in order to realize that you have to do the hard work of being a limited person
who has this is enough this is not enough i don't want to do this is too much is too little being that person completely
you realize that the unlimited party or life which is your relationship with everybody
thank you welcome

hello may
your muted
i am a mute it
you hear me
i'm what is linda limit and boundary i've been pondering for a while
arms his last year this time i remember i have up a conversation with team be
you know he had practiced in minnesota for some reason and then and we use a metaphor about
salt you now feel like everybody is assault and and when the salt meat ocean you know the salt is dissolved
feel like
and i open you dissolve you you you're you're getting touched us into being
and then
the get the next stage is about you interact with the other salt
and they used to keep the boundary so i may i can figure out how to be melting added in the same time
also have a boundary
it out that picture i often have this image about i i the ice cubes in in the inner in a water or ocean the ice cube is a water itself right if spots each frozen
it has a clear boundary and really sharp edges
ah but up add iv bodies as cubes and they're now you know we we mouths would below the same motion by the how do this as cubes relate to each other well the melting occurs at the limited of the ice cube
if the ice cube melts and we don't have any ice cubes anymore but as long as you gotta ice cube at the limit of the ice cube is where the is where the ice cube meets the nice meet the non frozen water that's where they meet
the boundary is going to disappear or done it well that boundary is gonna disappear laundries are not permanent
gray it's just that enter the mortar it just that where the boundary ends is where the bonder meets not not what it is it meets the other
that's where the me that's worth the meeting is occurring that's where the the change that's where the intimacy is at the boundaries the water the unfrozen water is also limited know they just it it's limited to being unfrozen and it meet the frozen
so i often i just feel like all this word has been seemed to me right now suddenly is a boundary and the threshold and the door and also true transformation and that changing so something is changing in that boundaries are so is actually many thing you have
happened under under under boundary or the sky meet the ocean actually that's that's binary that that economy actually shrink to to eat to to in infinity
everything it all of all coherent things have boundaries
and in order to realize
the relationship between one limited thing and another limited thing the limited things need to be fully limited
so the ice cube a has to meet hand a boundary to narrow to came out maintain it beef be this be the v the ice cube it is
but ice cubes usually don't resist being that's kind of ice cube they are they are limited
but they don't seem to resist it whereas human beings we have problems with our limits
it's not a would if we could be like an ice cube we would realize enlightenment awakening
ice cubes are fully an ice cube as long as they're nice que
we are this person as long as where this person but

i remind son was jumping on the and the bad some similar efficient
but
i'm thinking for much
okay so
beer ice keep itself is compassionate
accept it where the ice cube is if we were like an ice cube to only way for us to be like an ice cube is to practice compassion
and to let ourselves be who we are as a gift to let ourselves be limited people which we are and not only that but for me to be a limited person i need to interact with other limited to people to help me realize my limits because i might think i accept my
limits but other people show me that it maybe i don't
and maybe there's a time that ever began ever become a jellyfish rise of this as cuba can become a jellyfish
and the for is not the right now we have to accept not being a jellyfish that's your job
and if you can set except not being a jellyfish completely you will be able to have really good relationships with jellyfish
lovely big summit he wasn't

al-ahram the gayatri good evening i'm a first i want to see i love the story of your grandson it's just as such an endearing sweet story about i'm having trouble with the plant life it was so moving at the effort voted twice
and both times it just text me so deeply such a sweet story thank you for sharing that
i'm so the am so there was the seventh this thing that came to my mind when i was listening to all of this about boundaries and intersubjectivity so i got a tie used to work in healthcare technology for many years i i did that for about fourteen fifty
teen years and then and it didn't work for me i didn't i wasn't enjoying my job at the time my kids were young and so i decided to quit but i didn't know what was next and i was very inspired by nonviolence as a as a tool for in a social political change and was very inspired by
people like candy and nelson mandela and are these people and i'm so i googled nonviolence and los angeles we were in los angeles at the time and i came across this organization called am at the time they will call the center for nonviolent communication and education
in l a and now they're called a co-parenting but anyway i i reached out to this director and i said hey you know what do you do i'm interested in this work of nonviolence how can i
be in know is anything i could do can i volunteer because i don't have a job have something else to do now say they let me see what i could do and so she said oh well we teach nonviolent parenting sounds like ha as a you know is there any other kind of parenting like what you mean nonviolent guarantee you know and she said it so beautifully she said
in a because when you define violence is anything that hurts the mind heart spirit of a child you know the new a few framed by violence in that broadway and then you look at so many parenting strategies that are so violent and on the way we speak and a very relieved with children
she then she said hey do you want to get certified to become a parent educator you know we're just starting this one year long program and i'll give you a scholarship and you know train you to become a parent educator which i said sure you nice and i started to and was such a profound thing for me because i really started looking at how
how i was with my own children and it became a practice and even though they didn't call it mindfulness there was so much of mindfulness involved in that whole approach of parenting because you have to be fully present as apparent when you're relating with your child and like these to beings coming together so any
way if so all that happened and then i got certified to become a parent educator and then i started teaching these classes and then i device this exercise which i thought was a really good at that now that i think about it and so i devised this exercise which is inspired by tight she actually so i had the parents are you know it
i would get them to be in pairs and i put have them put their hands against each other
and i'd say okay you know push your partner's hand to where you wanted to move and they're gonna try to push your hand to where they wanted to move and they get into this kind of a fight in like and it's and they go through that that for a few minutes and i have them change partners and do it and then i see okay now pause and then
come fully into your body become fully present in your breath in your body and then to the same thing and this time just just move meet your partner where they are moment by moment and move your hands feeling and sensing and being fully present with the other person is set in
two subjective kind of a meeting and and then of course it's really beautiful because it's a nice little dance that happens and when you feel into another person's palms and you see how different different it is from one person to another and you just you soften against that person's palm as they are moving and your move
when and there's no leader there's no follower and somehow something really beautiful happens in that meeting of those pumps it with each other in full presence and i just i was thinking that's a really it it's a metaphor for this practice of being fully yourself and meeting another person
and allowing that person that boundary and your you got your boundary and the to boundaries are meeting and you're dancing together in full harmony so i use that as a metaphor for the violence and the force that we use on children and the manipulation and the bribing and the threatening and all of that which creates so much stress
yes and the parents say that after this exercise they say oh my god the first time was so stressful and the second time felt more harmonious raped and the because it's a physical experience of the having him as they do this exercise but i taught them that it's the similar idea of like being fully
fully yourself and meeting and other person
exactly where they are and to the limits of your fingertips and but yes
of your skin in there and you sense it to write at all the little little movement and some of them are more jerky and at a note to say interesting to to do that exercise because if to be fully available for what's happening in that moment so anyway to find it to share that as a metaphor for this discussion
thank you
thank you

thank you everyone
may the merit or a meeting
extend to every being in place and may we together with all beings realize the true nature of all things good night
thank you move here i can't thank you can i rub been eyeing my real name
my rob
a nightmare
and think nightmare around
had my gf
rob
name well as it is likely the narrow
it's a great at the night garment can i run couldn't i rub
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hey
at night i
and care