This is a picture of me with a mule. A mule, right? I think so. This is a picture of me looking at the mule and the mule looking at me. Did you take these pictures? Yeah. In your mining days. I put my foot in the stirrup of this mule and it got excited and started running away with one of my foot in the stirrup. That was a close one. Then it calmed down. Thanks, Michael. And the water in the bowl, is that for Nagarjuna? You want to demonstrate the needle in the water?

[01:01]

Thank you. It's okay if I run out of air. If people notice, if you notice that you're running out of air, you can open the windows over there too. Okay, so... The basic practice... Well, you know, it's kind of like prototypic basic practice in Zen is to focus on the nature of mind.

[02:13]

So I talked a little bit about that on Saturday and Sunday. Kind of upright being, upright presence is the way we then look. You can't see this, you can't see the nature of your mind, but you can understand it or realize it if you're willing to give up past and future, and willing to give up gain and loss, willing to give up seeking for outside yourself. you're willing to, like, stop moving, then naturally the nature of mind will reveal itself to you. And there's some, there's a kind of faith that you trust that if you could understand the nature of your mind, you'd understand the nature of Buddha.

[03:20]

It's part of the Buddhist teaching is that the nature of phenomena is all-pervasive. It's not like Some things are dependent on the co-arisen and other things aren't. Everything arises through causation. Everything has the same nature. So, by seeing the nature of your mind, understanding the nature of your mind, you understand the nature of everything. But you have to give up other pursuits in order to have this revealed to you. So this is like the fundamental practice, and these stories are in that context. And part of the dilemma of this kind of study is that part of what's involved here is to express yourself, express your understanding. But the understanding, in order to really be useful, comes from this kind of presence.

[04:27]

It isn't just like expressing yourself from being half-present, expressing your wholehearted presence. So we have to be doing that work all the time, or not, you know, try to do it all the time, and then from that kind of presence express ourselves in relationship to some material that we're sharing, some common material. Of course, you don't necessarily know when you're settled into the fundamental nature of your mind, so it isn't that you should not express yourself until you think you've got there. But if you haven't gotten there, or if you're if you're still trying to use something to get there, then your expression may show that you're still trying to use something to get there.

[05:43]

You can't use anything to get to what you are. Does that make sense? Yeah, if you use the colons to get to where you are, then that would be contraindicated. So, if I may say, like yesterday, last week, Dori was talking, and I saw her look someplace else to try to express herself, and I said, no. I wasn't saying no to what she was saying. I was saying no to her reaching for something to respond to me. I was asking her, what's the principle of response? And she started talking about something other than responding that was the principle of response. So I said, no, it didn't matter what she said. She was reaching, I felt. I don't know if you thought you would, but... You want to know what I was going to say? No. Okay. Could you feel yourself reaching for something? I was going to give you an example of the man with all the books, or the woman with all the books, with the question, with the person that wanted to ask you the question.

[06:54]

So you did tell me anyway what you were going to say, didn't you? I did. I wanted to. Well, doing what you want is closer to it than what you're trying to do. Okay. Do you understand? Sure. The fact that you just did it anyway... And, oh, Leanne's here. So that makes sense, that you try to get to your fundamental nature, you don't have to do anything to get there. As a matter of fact, what you have to do is give up all kinds of striving. Yeah. But then, why do all this? Pardon? Why do all this? I don't answer white questions, and this is a good example of how that comes to be.

[07:58]

If I go down that road with you, I think we're not going to get very far. Do you want to do this? Isn't that enough? Do you want more? Got some more reasons for doing what you want to do? It just seems like a dilemma that you can't get there by doing something, and yet it seems like we're doing a lot. Oh, you can't get to what you are by doing something? Okay. Yes. That you understand, right? Yes. Okay. And then you said, yet it seems like we're doing a lot? But what we're doing is not getting us there. It's just what we're doing. We're just doing stuff.

[08:59]

But that's not what gets us where we are. Where we are is the place where we do things. What we are is the source of what we do. And you couple what we are together with our understanding and that forms our behavior. If we become intimate... with where we are and what we are, that intimacy is our understanding. And that intimacy produces a different form of action, which is called comprehensive, or right action. Because it doesn't come from human judgment. Human judgment is relatively good and bad. Hopefully relatively good. If you're going to do something based on your own judgment, then we please try to make it do what you think is best. So in the realm of karma, that's the best way.

[10:03]

And the more good karma you do, the easier it'll be for you to give up trying to use your own personal power to make things go right. So it's a shift from a gradual or sudden shift from using your own judgment, using your own thinking, using your own powers to do right, to shift in giving up your own powers, not destroying them, respectfully setting them aside and settling into your own nature and let your true nature do the work. And then, if your actions are coming from your true nature, they may show that the actions may show that you're not reaching somewhere to figure out what you're doing, that your true enlightened nature is expressing itself through your body, speech, and thought. It may look that way to others.

[11:08]

Or they may not look that way to others, and then they may say something to you, and they may not be correct. And you may interact with them, and they may find out that you are right. Or you may find out that you're off, that you're leaning, that you're reaching, that you really didn't trust yourself. That you're relying on something other than your true nature to get by. So all things in the universe can be, what do you call it, facilities or tools at the disposal of your true nature. Everything can be coming to your hand and be used to benefit beings based on awakening. Or all things can be things we grab for out of greed, hate and delusion, things we grab for out of betrayal and lack of confidence in our true nature, and then they just elaborate that lack of confidence

[12:14]

in our true nature. It's not confidence in myself, it's confidence in the nature of myself. The nature of myself is that it's not an independent thing. The true nature of myself is that it depends on everybody else. And the same with yours, Isis. And I guess you all agree with that, right? Right. It's a question of becoming intimate with the you that is supported by all beings and supports all beings. It's a matter of becoming intimate with the self that is supported by the kindness and devotion of all beings and which is dedicated and devoted to the welfare of all beings. That self, that self is our enlightened self, our true self. And when that thing is realized, actions come from there, just like they come from... Well, they all come from there, but the question is whether they're filtered through attachment and confusion on the way out.

[13:24]

As you know, and that's part of your expression, sometimes you think of saying things, and then you edit them, and then... things, you know, they're sorry. And what? Your side. But think as if you're doing something really kind and you don't do it, because you're afraid of what will happen to you. Or somebody is trying to do something which you have nothing to do with, in a way, and you interfere. How are you doing? Everybody okay with this? I was wondering, so you're talking about filtering right now. Yeah, filtering. Things you say and do. Yeah. And I was wondering how that meshes with right speech. How does it mesh with right speech? Because you filter to do practice right speech.

[14:29]

Well, I've been, in some sense, the way I've been talking about right speech is that you're meditating on your thoughts, and if you see an unwholesome thought, then... I've been encouraging you to experiment with not saying it. Okay? But the thing that, now I'm changing the word filter, and I'm saying the filter now is that the thoughts that think of inappropriate things to say, those thoughts, they're what's blocking the true expression. And if your true expression is blocked, then it's good not to act out your blocked true expression. If you look inside and you see that your mind has been twisted into this nasty little independent, self-righteous so-and-so who's better than this person who's nearby to you, who really knows better than this moron what's right, and has something to say to them,

[15:32]

This is not your true self that's, you know, being manifested. This is your self being squished in this little box, and now this box is thinking of talking. Right. Well, just tell that guy to just relax. Just relax. Go sit down for a little while. We'll talk to you later. If you need something to eat or a cup of coffee or something, maybe not coffee, maybe some food, just relax, you know, and you'll be all right. Okay? Thanks. This is not your true self. This is your self-righteous self. This is your superior self. This is yourself which is better than somebody or better than a lot of people maybe. This guy, this is already yourself filtered through that perspective and then that perspective has been actually believed in for a little while. So then you kind of like, your practice, you know, your practice of keeping track of the potential karma that you could do would be to say, Sit down, karma. We don't need you to do that right now. That kind of observation, however, then could take you back to look maybe and see what's behind this little guy.

[16:41]

You know, what's more fundamental than his cramped response to life. And maybe you can start settling down to where he comes from, but where he can't, where he doesn't trust. So the eye that looks is the eye of faith in true nature, which can also see, this is not true nature manifesting right now. This is, I'm really not doing what I want to do. Like, do you want to get along with people, or do you want to win? Do you want to meet the self that's getting along with people? Do you want to meet the self that everybody's supporting, and it's supporting everybody? Well, This guy here doesn't believe everybody's supporting him. He doesn't support everybody. So we have to, you know, take care of him. And in the process of taking care of him and making sure he doesn't cause too much trouble, you can become intimate with this other one at the same time. Does that make sense?

[17:49]

Is that clear? What did you say? The eye that looks is what? I didn't say the eye, did I? I said what? The eye? Oh, yeah, I did. The eye. The eye that looks. The eye, the E-Y-E that looks. Is what? It has to do with confidence that there is... Or it's faith. It's faith that there is a radiant, inconceivable, ungraspable freedom in our heart. And it's free because it's connected to everybody. And everybody's connected to it. It's always in harmony. But you can't get it, but you can become intimate with it. So you have this eye? Yeah, the eye. No, not this eye, but the eye. The vision that looks back to see this source nature. That can also notice that there's some blockage there or some lack of trust. that there's some fear of this light, of this radiance, partly because you can't manipulate it, you can't own it, you can't get rid of it.

[18:56]

So in the face of that, we sometimes feel like, get me out of here, get me someplace, you know, I can't live with this. How could this possibly work? This is all kinds of ego responses. But if you watch the ego responses patiently and kindly and settle with them, that's part of what it takes to settle down deeper. If you Reject the ego for its silly response. That vibrates the situation more and makes it harder to settle. You have to also be patient with it, with this tendency to fly away from the center, fly away from this source. If you start settling there, when I start settling there, I get many kind of squirming, squeamish, impulsive movements away from that. into the past and future, into, is this okay with Buddha? Will the headquarters of Soto Zen in Japan approve this? Whatever, you know. You look for some outside source of approval, rather than just sort of coming in close to the light.

[20:02]

So, it means you stop seeking outside approval for your true nature, Now, once you feel settled with your true nature, or once you maybe have been practicing with it for a long time, you still, your settledness is enhanced by approval, by confirmation. But what you get confirmation of is your confirmation is, yes, I confirm that you're no longer reaching for confirmation. And one of the ways you show that you're not reaching for confirmation is to go into a confirmation class. and see if in a situation where there's potential confirmation, whether in that situation you really can stand up to no reaching for confirmation. If you can, then that's a further or final verification that even under the situation of where there could be verification and confirmation, proof and recognition of evidence, you still don't veer away from your true nature.

[21:12]

That's one of the things that these kinds of group meetings and discussions of these stories can provide an opportunity. Can you discuss these stories without reaching for them, without making them external to yourself? Pretty hard. Pretty hard to feel intimate with these stories and put your understanding out about them without externalizing anything. Even though your mind is constantly externalizing things, Because the process of perception is going on through this whole process. And someone wrote a poem this morning, and we had a meeting, and he used the expression, the death grip of perception. We tend to grasp our perceptions. So perception is going on all the time. Perceptions of the koan, perceptions of the others in the class, perception of so-and-so. Can you not grasp the perception and just be here in the midst of all these perceptions and keep turning back, the backward step, keep turning back to the nature which doesn't get pushed around by perceptions, which is never hurt by perceptions, including the perception of I'm getting hurt.

[22:31]

The ego can get hurt, but the true nature is never harmed. Something is never harmed. Like I said, somebody said, I'm not afraid of dying because I know I'll never kill anything. I'm positive. I'm completely sure I'll never kill anything. Therefore, I'm not afraid of being killed. Doesn't mean you won't be killed. It just means if you know you won't kill, you won't be afraid of being killed. But if you think you might kill, you'll be afraid of being killed. Probably. If you know, and I think you could probably do that with all the precepts. If you know you won't steal, you won't be afraid of things being stolen from you. If you know you won't lie, you're not afraid of people lying to you. And where do you know that you won't steal and you won't lie and you won't kill? Where do you know? Where is the place that doesn't do that? That's your true nature.

[23:33]

Your true nature cannot kill. It's impossible. because your life is one with all other life. But your true nature is not a thing. It's just your true nature. So this is the work which Zen students are doing all the time. They're always referring back, having confidence, focusing in on this luminous, interdependent true nature. which you can't see, can't grasp, but it's in the middle of your heart. And it's a place where you care about everybody and you know everybody is supporting you. Even the people who hate you are supporting you. There are people who might hate you. Even some people hated Shakyamuni Buddha. His cousin hated him.

[24:38]

And there's a lot of other people who developed this heart of infinite compassion, mutual and mutual illumination, illuminating out and being illuminated back, who developed this heart and also had some people in the world who hated them. And they saw the people who hated them as being, by nature, Buddha. that their whole being, including their hating, was Buddha. That's what they saw. So, part of the basic work here is to keep looking for that. Not to find it, but to be oriented and focused on it. Kind of like, you know, the word focus means hearth. Warm yourself on it. Don't try to get the fire, but warm yourself on it. Orient towards it. Feel it's warm. Don't try to get it, you'll get burned. But also don't run away, you'll get cold.

[25:44]

But you can just sort of walk around it and you can kind of feel its warmth, you know what I mean? You can kind of feel that place where you care about everybody and everybody cares about you. You kind of can feel it in a way, can't you? You can't actually see it and can't get a hold of it. But you can kind of sense it. You kind of know it. Don't you sort of have confidence that there is such a way, such a place in your heart? You sort of know. But you also sort of know you could be more intimate, right? A little bit more intimate, a little bit more settled. And you've heard maybe that some people actually just plop down there and just flat out sit there. And they never move. Have you heard about that? Those are called the Buddhas. They're just sitting there all the time and they never move. They just sit there. Plop. And then the light just radiates out from them all over the place and helps people. And when people see that light, which they don't see with their eyes, but when they see that light, they feel relaxed and happy and they want to practice too.

[26:52]

So I think we all probably have some sense that we have this potential and have some sense that we're not completely, perfectly intimate and subtle. There's some ambivalence, some fear, some kind of like interest in something else. We still have some interest in something else besides that, right? Occasionally, we don't theoretically have an interest in something else. It's just temporarily, just a second, I've got something else to do. I'll be right back, you know. Just a minute. Just this one more time, or whatever, you know. Or maybe not even deciding to do it, but just find yourself, whoops, I'm off the track. Does that make sense? Now, as anybody, oh, I forgot to tell, the basic rule of this class is if you're getting left behind, raise your hand and stop the train. Is this okay? Really? Well, this is the basic work, all right? And again, once again, I'll say it, that this is where your expression of understanding eventually needs to come from, intimacy with this.

[28:00]

But you don't necessarily sit there and say, okay, I think I'm intimate, so I should talk. Because that's also messing with it, just to be evaluating how intimate you are. That shakes it up, too. So just try to express yourself. And again, if you are not settled, your expression will show something about that. And if you are settled, your expression will show something, too. In any event, there will be a response, and that will help you get some feedback. of where you are and how you're doing. But don't spend too much time expressing yourself without also spending quite a bit of time settling yourself and getting to your, you know, the base. All right? That work should be done. And we do that formally in the Zendo, but also in the class try to do it. And when you're walking around the world, try to do that. Okay? Okay? So in one sense I'm saying, do this work and express yourself.

[29:07]

In another sense I'm saying, express yourself, but do this work. Don't just express yourself and don't just do this work. You both get to balance being careful and studying with expression. You don't want your expression to get too far ahead, but if you don't express yourself at all, that'll hinder your settling. Expression sometimes shows you, oops, got to do more work. Like, you know, one of the stories that I liked a lot when I first turned towards Zen was a story of this monk who studied for quite a few years. I believe it was in, you know, probably around Kyoto, I think it was. And he finished his training, you know, he got settled, so to speak, with his Zen heart. His teacher said, you can go now. So he went down from the mountains around Kyoto into the city and started moving with these people, you know. And he noticed that he was losing it. He couldn't interact in the busy, colorful capital of Japan with all the rich and famous, powerful people.

[30:13]

He got lost. He couldn't stay with his practice. So he went back to the temple and studied for six more years. So I think that's That's a kind of dramatic version of what we need to do over and over in little ways. Going out, tries to interact, and then come back. That can be like throughout the day. You interact, you say hello to somebody, you look at somebody, you notice, oops, lost it, come back. Yes? Does the expression itself kind of require the need to go back? and sit still? In other words, it sometimes feels like the expression itself, as opposed to just being quiet, uses something up. Well, no.

[31:17]

That thought that you just had about the expression uses something up, that thought is an expression. That thought is not the nature of expression. But there is something about... When you were talking, I thought of a few. You go... Then you start another one, right? You know what I mean? But before the first one ends, you start another one. So, in a sense, you go back to the beginning. and start another one out. You get out there a ways, and then the music requires sometimes you come back and start another one. But it's not so much exactly that you lose something when you go out there, but sort of you do, because you lose the intimacy with the source, in a sense. But then you can send another one out, you know, the second one, that particular one, it goes like that, right?

[32:19]

You know what I mean? Some people can do that one. Who knows that one? It's familiar. Oh, you don't know that one? Oh, okay. Well, what you do is... Anyway, the way it goes is... Okay, you know that? So do that. That's the art of the fugue by Bach. But then after you do that, then another group will start at a different tone, see? Try it. Again, you don't know it, okay. Well, anyway. That's what a fugue is. A fugue means fly away, right? you fly away. So when you fly away, you lose the source. But then as you send away one line, you fly away, then you send another one away, and then you send another one away.

[33:23]

Then the first one comes back to the beginning again. So this flying and coming back, it isn't exactly that we lose exactly, but... we have to fly away. We have to fly away. And my sense is that Bach flies away until it's like it's, you can't go any further, most people can't go any further without losing, remembering where they came from. Then he sends another one out. And then he goes out a little further on the one, because this gives you confidence and you come back to the beginning again. So, we sort of have to fly away and come back. It's our nature to do that too. It's not our nature to stay in a place where we keep knowing or have a sense that this is the center because the nature of the center is it is not something you sit there and hold on knowing to. So you kind of, in order to realize the nature of the source, you have to go away from it. So from the conscious way, you kind of lose it. But to hold it and know it isn't really it. So part of the way you demonstrate that you have competence in it is to leave it.

[34:26]

But if you go too far, you're putting too much energy into proving that you're not attached to it by showing that you can go away so you go back yes I don't understand you're sort of piloting two separate things the nature of something and it's not the nature of something you just said the thought is not the nature of thought it's almost like it's a dualism yeah and actually today we're talking about this we're studying this this case of where talking about the nature of mind okay The open, interconnected, bright and clear nature of our mind. And when you can realize that and be liberated by realizing that. But then Kezan said, but you should know that there's also an unexcelled precious teaching. And that teaching is not something separate from this mind, but yet it is the teaching of the mind.

[35:27]

It is an expression which can teach. Realizing the mind, the mind itself isn't exactly a teaching. Doesn't exactly... The mind itself is all over the place and isn't exactly teaching. We've all got it, but it doesn't necessarily teach. Even when we realize it and become free by realizing it, there's still also a teaching, which is not separate from it because it comes out of it, but it's kind of an expression of this fundamental liberating nature of our being. So it's not separate, and yet there is an expression. And also if the expression isn't really attuned to this, the expression will show that there's a lack of attunement. So then we say, oh, got to do more work. Or someone else can say, oh, I've got to do my work. We help each other by expressing, but it's not that the teaching is separate or dual, it's like an amplification, or it's like, we also have that expression, you know, you go up and attain, you know, you go up, you drop your attachments, and you go up and you attain freedom.

[36:34]

But then you come back down. and manifest various forms to liberate beings. So our last story was, it starts off by saying the nature of this mind, you know. What I'm talking about is now focus, keep bringing yourself and trust and focus if you want to, this Dharma nature, this vast open space of the Dharma body of the Buddha. the expression is when the Dharma body responds to the needs of beings. The expression isn't separate from the Dharma body, but yet the vast openness of the Dharma body isn't the expression. The expression needs the beings to sort of go beep, beep, and then go beep, beep, So it's the teaching aspect or the transmission aspect of the mind is the expression.

[37:36]

So if you receive the precepts and settle with them, then to maintain them, In a sense, you need to transmit them. And the transmission, in a sense, is an unfoldment of the settling. It's not really separate, but it's a further thing. So there's a light, there's realizing the light, and there's transmission of the light. Those three things are not separate, but you can have the light, which we all have already, without realizing it. You can have the light and realize it, and you can realize it as well as a Buddha realizes it. And still, there's one more step, and that is transmit it. The nature of this light is it needs to be transmitted. That's part of it. But the transmission is a separate phase from the realization. So again, the past case was the nature of the Buddha mind is this great light which no one can't be grasped, never absent, always with us, and it responds and manifests, it takes shape, it's expressed in response to beings.

[38:47]

So the last case was, what is the principle of the response? So now I'm saying, as we enter this case, because this is a very complicated case coming up, it's got lots of stuff going on, and I need you to stay grounded in your basic study so that I can bring out all this stuff that's in this case without you getting just up in your head. And I hope that if you can stay grounded, you can stay with all the unfoldments of this fugue. This is going to be a very complex fugue that this case is going to produce. All these different things are going to come up, and you need to keep coming back so it's musical rather than just like an explosion. That's my kind of... That's what I'm trying to do tonight. It gets you settled. And then you can go into the maze of relationships that are in this story.

[39:53]

Very complicated situation. And the story is very much about interaction. And here's a fortune cookie for tonight. That's special when someone loves to see the light in your eyes. That special someone, you know who that is? Okay. How you doing? That answer all your questions? So far? Yes? Peter? When you were speaking about the awareness that sees even the hate that someone has toward you as part of your support, what struck me is that on the days that I'm clear, I think my actions are more supportive of other people than on the days when I'm filtering through a lot of crime.

[41:09]

But the second type of days my actions come out, maybe not as supportive. Maybe I killed something, maybe I injured something. and that difference feels important to them. Yes, that's the difference between good and bad karma. But the Buddha that you... You can do something which you think is not supportive to this person over here, and if this person is a Buddha, they feel supported equally by what you think is supportive to what you think is not supportive. They feel equally supported. As a matter of fact, sorry to say, Buddhists feel almost a little bit more supported by the negative, resistant, tight critters than they do by the sort of open, successful, ready to receive the transmission of the light bodhisattvas. Not really, but sort of, because that challenges their practice more. It's kind of like, oh yeah, right, I remember, okay, got it.

[42:11]

This is support. This is not support of my ego. This is support of that which, this deepens my realization of that which does not get hurt by what people do to my ego. It's the support of what gets hurt only by other people's lack of realization. But it doesn't really get hurt, it actually gets stimulated and activated. So the Buddhas, when they see a person who isn't realized, that makes the Buddha become more alive. The more the Buddha sees beings that need help, the more alive the Buddha becomes. The Buddha doesn't get depressed seeing depressed people. The Buddha gets motivated And that depression or that unhappiness, even especially, not especially necessarily, but including that it's directed negatively towards the ego of the Buddha, that stimulates the appearance of the Buddha.

[43:21]

The Buddha really needs to work now. The Buddha needs a person. The Buddha needs a person, but in particular the Buddha of the person who's being attacked. was being disliked really needs to work. And it has something to work with. It has something to express itself towards. If you've got a happy person and you express your support, what does it, you know, what's, nothing much to do. You know, there they are, all open and ready and alert and so on and so forth. But all you can do is say, well, here's the light, see you later. And you give it to them, they're gone. Which is fine, but they're gone. That's it for them. If everybody was like that, the Buddha would disappear. Because the Buddha would be everywhere else, but there would be no... But in the relative world you may feel, oh, I'm tense today and I'm not being very supportive of people.

[44:26]

Yeah, that's the way you feel. And people are also kind of, the ego of the people that you're not being supported towards, that ego might very well feel you're not supporting. But the practice part of those who's doing that, the practice part is going, ooh, this is a toughie. Good. I got to really get down there deep, deep, deep to handle this one. And I'm not there deep enough yet. Here we go. Down, down, down, down, down. Ooh, got there. Fine, fine, fine, fine. Now I see what you're doing. Thank you so much. And really mean it. I was getting a little fluffy there for a while. Off the ground, up in my head. And now here comes crunch. Thank you. Back to work. How to deal with this pain. You know, I think, is it the beginning of the Vimalakirti Sutra, where, or some sutra anyway, I think it's Vimalakirti Sutra, where Buddha does this little image thing for people so they can see, like, some really nice places?

[45:33]

You know? Is that it? And, like, shows them all these world systems, and if you look on and say, whoa, how come we can't live there? Or, you know, wouldn't it be good to practice there? And Buddha says, well, yeah, but down here, up there, you can't develop any compassion or any patience. It's just too so comfortable. Down here is where you make the Buddhas. So this world is, one thing good about this world is that it's a really good place to make Buddhas because there's so much cruelty and suffering. That doesn't mean you should sort of try to make more cruelty and suffering. Actually, there is... Now, the problem is that some places there isn't quite enough for some people. So you have to be careful not to go in those sections of the earth where it looks like there's no problems. Okay? If you ever find that you can't see any, then maybe you're not in the world anymore. And be careful. You might be, you know, living in little What do you call it?

[46:38]

Fall asleep. Falling asleep. That's a good way to do it. Fall asleep. You may have so much armor on that it doesn't seem like it's so bad. And there's no challenge anymore. But if you keep your eyes open, usually it won't take too long to see one of your enemies coming at you. How's that, Peter? How you doing? I agree, I don't agree. What part don't you agree? I don't need the green part, I don't need... The thing I need to sit with is the glimpse of the Buddha and someone else after I've just yelled at them, thinking, geez, why did the guy put that in there on top of all the other targets already in there? But then someone where the Buddha's made it to the surface and it's running clear, they throw some crud and they forgot their challenge and they'll be done with the crud shortly. But if, say, like myself, I'm buried with crud and someone throws more crud on my back, I picture the Buddha in me might be saying, geez, now that's really going to make a lot of mess.

[47:47]

You're saying, what are you saying now? You're saying... I'm saying if I'm already not clear and something from the environment comes that's going to even add to the fear, the resistance, the pain, then I have to sit a while with it to see if it feels like the Buddha in me rejoices over that or not. Yeah, you would probably have to sit a little bit with it to see if the Buddha was happy with that. But before more difficulty comes, you could already start to see if the Buddha in you is happy with dealing with the difficulty you already have. You don't have to wait for more. But sometimes, actually, what happens is that people have some difficulty, but they don't check to see if there's something inside that appreciates the difficulty as support.

[48:48]

They don't check. So then what tends to happen is more comes. And if they don't, then, then what tends to happen is more comes. Until finally, finally then some people say, oh, I guess I probably, this approach of rejecting and fighting against these difficulties is probably, it doesn't actually, the more I fight it, the stronger it gets. Maybe I should try a different approach. It's good to have difficulty with the problems you've already got. If you don't have problems with the problems you've already got, and then try to find out how the problems you've already got are actually reminding you of what you're here for.

[49:49]

Okay? Anybody got some problems? Those problems could be reminding you of what you're here for. Do they? Do they remind you? Or do you feel like, well, actually, I don't want this problem, rather than, oh, this problem... It's not that you want the problem, it's that the problem reminds you of something. If it doesn't remind you, then you're going to have to have a bigger one, I guess, to get reminded. Yeah. Now, will a smaller one remind you? I don't think so. Not usually. It's not usually like you got a little problem and you don't get what it's reminding you of and then it gets smaller and you say, oh, now I get it. I don't think it goes that way. For me, it doesn't. For me, it's like little problem, you know, knock, knock, don't hit me on the head. That's the usual response, right? Or, you know, we don't need that. You know, it's softer. That's the usual response rather than knock, knock. Oh, thank you. Got it. Thank you. [...] Okay. I'm back.

[50:54]

I'm back here now. Sorry. Hi. Do you know, are you following this? Yes. That's the way I usually, I mean, I don't usually do that, but once I get the message, then I get the message. Okay. I got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Thank you. [...] But if I don't say thank you, then what tends to be is a little bit harder. Bop, bop. And if I don't say thank you, then it's a little harder. And then finally I get, oh, [...] golly. Gee, thanks. I got it. That's enough. That's enough. That's, got it. I'm okay. Then, then it, sometimes it keeps, sometimes it doesn't stop right away because it gets into, you know, it's sort of on the roll there, you know. It's just, oh, well, you didn't get that one, but it's just going to get a couple more just for sure. Boom, boom, boom, boom. But I already got it. Thanks. That's enough. Do you know that one? There's so many stories about that. The person gets it, but the momentum is still coming. You get crunched, and while you're getting crunched, you say, oh, I got it.

[51:57]

That's enough. Thank you. Fine, fine. I got it. Or, you know, I got it. Well, fine. I got it. No, wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, [...] no. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. No, stop. I said yes. You're still making deals, you know, right? If I agree that I got it, will you stop? When you stop making deals with it, you're done. You got the message. All these problems come from me making deals for myself. That's where it all comes from. And me making deals for myself means I don't trust my nature. Again, spending time doing other things for the ego rather than realize the best thing for the ego is just to make it relatively happy which is sometimes pretty miserable, to say, just sit down there, you know, and we know you're erected, but just sit there for a little while, we'll be right back, and then concentrate on developing the confidence in your nature, which will then, you know, then you won't have to get smashed to do your work, which is what you're here for.

[53:14]

And nobody has to actually do this stuff to you until you're enlightened. Your own psyche will do it to you quite nicely until you're quite enlightened. Then you need help from outside. But as long as you have attachments and so on, your own psyche will punish you for any attachments. Because it doesn't want to be stuck. It wants to flow. It wants to be free. It doesn't want to interfere with... Your true nature wants to come out. It wants to be realized. Okay? Anybody behind schedule here? Or ahead of schedule? I had a comment. Yes? That there's some very small problems that I'm aware of that I can bear to see.

[54:24]

And sometimes they're things that make me notice something else might be going on. Some small problems you can barely admit or see. Oh, I can bear. Oh, you can bear. You can bear to see them. They're small enough to notice I'm doing that thing. Usually when I'm doing that thing, there's probably bigger things I'm doing maybe I can't bear to recognize. So a smaller problem can give me a hint. Yes, I agree. A small problem can give you a hint. Definitely. What I'm saying is that if you have a small problem and you're not getting it, if it gets smaller, you usually don't then say, oh, now I get it. That's what I'm saying. But I don't want to make an absolute rule out of it, but that's just for me. If I don't get the small problem and it gets alleviated, then I say, oh, well, I got out of that one. So I can indulge myself more in distracting myself.

[55:28]

The big thing, the big thing, the big, big, big, big thing that we're doing is ignorance. The big thing we're doing is ignoring our true nature. That's the big thing. That's the one we most have trouble looking at. We have most trouble looking at the source problem. We have most trouble looking at the best thing to look at is what we have most trouble looking at. The thing which will make us most happy, most free, and which will set up the transmission of the light is the hardest thing for us to look at. It's the big thing. It's the big, difficult thing to look at. The most difficult thing to look at is that, and it's the most helpful thing to look at. Then if we don't look at that, we get some trouble. And if we get a little bit of trouble, if you get a little bit of trouble and you can face that little bit of trouble, or anyway, if you have some trouble and you can face it, facing it's good. And maybe if you face it, in the facing it, you will maybe get an intimation that is reminding you of something else that you're not taking care of. Which is great.

[56:29]

And I'm saying, if that little thing doesn't remind you of what you're not taking care of, and doesn't direct you back to look at this difficult thing, then you get a bigger problem. Until you get it. In that sense, I guess I'm saying the universe is helping us become Buddhas by giving us negative feedback if we don't realize it Buddha-ly. And if we get a little small negative feedback and we can realize Buddhahood, that's better, actually. But if we don't realize a small negative feedback, we'll get more negative feedback, and more and more and more until we get it. If it gets bad enough, most people do get it. Most people finally get it when it gets really, really bad. You know, but... Some of us are, you know, there's four kinds of horses, right? There's a kind of horse that's just a shadow.

[57:33]

And then there's a kind of horse that's just a light hit. And there's a kind of horse that has to be really struck pretty firmly. And then there's a kind of horse you have to draw blood from. And, you know, I'm the type that has to have blood drawn. That's why, you know, as I say, if you... If you'd stop drawing blood from me and just sort of go up to the shadow, I'd say, oh, that's over with. But some people, just the shadow's enough. They go, shadow? Okay. Got it. Thank you. Maybe you're that type. Very sensitive, alert. Now, it's not that the fourth, the worst kind is the best, though. Or the best kind is the worst. They're just four different styles of people. And they all can become practitioners of the Buddha way. But there are differences. Some people you have to really club. You have to club. You have to really be clubbed and other people don't have to be clubbed. But maybe you can hear that the point is that everything could be seen as reminding you of your basic work.

[58:45]

Or you can see things as basically, this is a mistake. This is not supposed to be happening to me. I'm not being treated properly. That doesn't mean that you don't sometimes say to somebody, you are treating me disrespectfully and I don't like it. It doesn't mean you don't say that. It does not mean you don't say that. If you feel someone is treating you disrespectfully, I would recommend that you find a way to tell them that in a way that they can hear it. But I think if you remember your work that everything's telling you to do, you'll be more successful in telling people how you feel about what they're doing. If you lose track of your work and then you tell them, they probably won't hear you anyway, won't do any good, and they'll probably just be more cruel to you and then you'll feel more abused and get more off track. So if the Buddha has an ego, and people are mean to Buddha's ego, Buddha could say, hey, my ego just got hurt.

[59:49]

That was a good shot. Sometimes I used to give lectures, and while I was giving lectures, people would throw these psychic darts at me, you know. And some of the people were really good shots, you know, but I didn't want to let them know they got me. So they sent another one. And I have two darts. And three, and six. And finally I go... I should have just fallen over on the first dart. Then they'd feel good, you know. Hey, good. That's what I wanted to do. I got them. Great. But no, I was so stupid, I just did... Keep trying to give the lecture. Negative one. And finally, I kind of get a little angry, you know. Why you... Rather than... Rather than just kind of like dart, ugh, just right away admit, you got me, that really a hoit.

[60:52]

You know, I don't want one little like, somebody sitting there just go, nyeh. Just like, nyeh. That means they're really powerful. I don't want to admit that some little squeaky sound can hurt me. Something like a raised lip or something. Furrowed eyebrows. tilted shoulder that can't you know i can't be hurt by that right but i was i didn't want to admit it that's what i should have done you know wait that was a good one who me poor little me i did that oh gosh yeah that was a good one i didn't do that The Buddha is the one who, like, got a little ego in there, you know? Got a little ego, you know. The Buddha is the one who can say, hey, the ego got hurt. The Buddha does not identify with his little ego in there.

[61:58]

He would say, oh, somebody's ego just got squished. Oh, it was around here. It was this one. Oh, who did that? Oh, Miffin did it. Oh, that's a good shot, Miffin. But not, and that's coming right up through it, you know? Right up through it. No problem. No problem. No problem being ordinary, vulnerable, wimpy, egocentric, blah, blah, function. No problem. Okay. Melissa, you look shocked. Are you okay? I wonder who that was that looked shocked. Is this all making sense to you, or is this kind of... Fun, too. Okay, so maybe we can look at the story.

[63:03]

Do you have any papers? Yeah, I do. Just a second. This is Case 53 of the Book of Serenity. Big, complicated case. Not like the last two. Anybody want... Let's see. This has quite a few pages. Okay, one for you. How many people? Quite a few. Okay. Thank you. Pepper? Emily? Anybody else need one? Oh, quite a few.

[64:03]

People didn't want to raise their arms up there. Okay, is that enough? Dimitri? Another one? I can't move that with me. Hey, where are these going? Is that enough? Wow! This is reverse miracle of the loaves. The more you give, the more they need. Is that it? Yeah, it's fair. Yeah, it's fine. I don't care. I still have some more here.

[65:08]

This folder is getting thicker and thicker. Another one you were holding out over there. And another one. Is that it? Is that it? Okay, wow. All right, so this case is 53 and it's also number 11 in the book of Blue Cliffs. Number 11. Are there more than one that are in two? Are there more than one that are in two? Yes. About maybe 25 of the cases in the Book of Serenity are also in the Blue Cliff Record. Almost a fourth are in both books. Blue Cliff Record was written before this one and I think

[66:10]

The compiler of this book liked the blue glyph record and took some of those and made some different ones too. In the Book of Serenity, there's an abbreviation of the whole story. I think in this case, I would like to tell the whole story right off. Okay, so the story starts out the Zen master Wang Bo. Wang Bo came into the hall, you know, to meet the monks. Came into the hall and what did he do? He said, What are you looking for? Your slurper is not good. He came in the hall with a big staff and started to swing it at the monks to drive them out of the hall.

[67:17]

And I think probably if I came in here with the staff and started swinging at you, I don't know what you'd do. But anyway, they didn't leave. He tried to get them to leave the hall by swinging the staff and poking at them, and they didn't leave. Now, his teacher actually did the same thing to the monks. And they left. They ran out. His teacher was Bajong Waihai. Bajong Waihai was kind of a skinny little guy. So maybe, the funny thing is, I don't know. I guess, but with a stick, they still, you know, ran away. Wong Bo was so big that when he started swinging the stick, they all just froze. They were scared to death. They couldn't move. So he's swinging the stick at them, and they're frozen, trying to drive them out of the hall like his teacher did to the monks.

[68:25]

When his teacher swung the stick at the monks, the monks all ran, and then when they got to the door, he said, hey, what is it? Wong Bo, I think, wanted to do the same thing. So he swung the stick. They all froze. Oh, my story. He said, you know, you're a bunch of dreg slurpers. All of you people are gobblers of dregs. If you go on traveling around this way, where will you have today? So this is an expression thing, right? He's expressing himself. They're expressing themselves. But how do they express themselves? They freeze. They don't move. And he calls them drag slurpers. If you respond this way, how are you going to have today? That's his question. And then, one of the monks comes up and says...

[69:33]

Oh, wait a second. That's not the story. And then he says, how will you have today? He says, don't you know that in all of China there are no teachers of Chan? That's Zen, Dave. Don't you know that in all of China there's no teachers of Zen? And at that time a monk came forward and said... What about those who guide followers and lead groups in various places? And Wang Bo said, I don't say there's no Chan, just that there are no teachers. And I looked up the record of the way the story appears in an earlier record. And it was different. I thought I might read it to you. This is called the, in Chinese it's called the Qingda Chuangdanglu, which means the Qingda, the Qingda era of the Sung Dynasty.

[70:44]

This collection of the transmission of the lamp, transmission of the light. So these stories are about, these people are supposedly doing their homework, right? They're settled here. The teachers are supposedly settled in their true nature, their Buddha nature, and now they're expressing it. The monks are supposed to be walking around doing that too. So when the teacher transmits the light, they're supposed to come back and meet it, right? So he's got a problem and he swings a stick and they just stand there. So in this version of the story, after he did that stuff that I told you about, One monk came forward and said, in many places, venerable masters preach the Dharma and monks gather around them. How can you say there's no Chang? So in this story, in the original story, he says, how can you say there's no teachers? In this one he says, how can you say there's no Chang, no Zen?

[71:45]

And then Wang Bo said, I did not say there's no Chang, but just that there's no masters of it. But I think it's okay this way too, don't you? Yeah. Okay, so we have this. So it's really simple, right? This is really simple, in a way. Teacher comes in, trying to express himself. You know, his true self, up through his body and his stick. The monks play in this way. And he says, how are you going to have today if you play this way? And he says, don't you know there's no teachers? So how come he said, don't you know there's no teachers? Maybe because, what do you think? Before I tell you what I think. Why are you hanging out in the hall? What? Why are you staying here? I'm chasing you out. Yeah, that's one way of thinking. Why are you staying here? There's no teachers here. I'm chasing you out. You don't need me anymore.

[72:47]

Get out of here. There's no teachers here. What are you standing around looking at me for? That's one way to see it. There's no teachers here. How come you're in this hall? Why don't you go, you know, work in the garden or something? What did you come here in the first place for? There's no teachers of Chan. How come you came in the room in the first place? You've already got your own Buddha nature that you're supposed to be intimate with. What did you come here for? Okay, that's one way to take it. The other way is, don't be afraid of me. I'm not a teacher. Don't be paralyzed by the big teacher. There's no teachers of Chan. Don't make such a big deal out of it. Don't lose your practice because you met a teacher. So don't forget what you're here for. It means you don't come in the first place. But then if you come, then don't forget again. There's various ways to take it, okay?

[73:48]

That's the first part. But then the monk responds. Somebody responds. Somebody comes back. Somebody has something to say. After all, there was somebody he did have today. The monk comes up and says, well, how about it? You're putting on this show and there's shows going on in all these other monasteries all over China. How come you say there's no Chan in those teachers? He said, I didn't say there's no Chan. So there's no masters, there's no teachers. It's not that there isn't any settling into the true nature. It's just that nobody owns it and nobody's teaching it. So when there is settling into it, when a person settles into their nature and then the expression comes out, that's not the master of it. That's not the teacher. Don't get distracted by that. So I'm not saying there's no Chan.

[75:00]

There's Chan all over the place. Just that there's no teachers. There's no masters of the expression. But the funny thing is that when the expression happens, we can't stand to not make it into a teacher and then be scared of it. We can't just like... We can't... We can't stand it unless we're already intimate with it and we can stand it without making it into a teacher. If we can already intimate with it and we don't make it into our own then it's possible but more difficult when somebody else expresses it not to make it into them. If you can not do it with your own you have a chance to not do it with the other. But even if you can do it with yourself and not make it into your own or make yourself into a teacher then when the teacher does it you still might say it's a teacher. This is very difficult. That's what this story is about, I say. Now, if you want to play with the story, you know what to do, right?

[76:03]

You've got a hard job, and the hard part about it is you have to give up everything except your Buddha nature, and also give that up. But you never did have that, so no problem. You never had it. You never lost it. It's with you. It is your wholehearted presence. So you have to give up being half-hearted if you want to realize your wholeheartedness. So I guess our job is in this class is to be wholehearted starting as soon as possible. Which includes now. And practice that way And then come back and play next week. And study the case. But before you study this case, before you read it, sit down. Don't just pick the book up. Sit down and become wholehearted first. Don't look at the book before you're wholehearted, which might mean that some of us will never look at the book.

[77:06]

Don't even open it. Just put it in front of you and then sit down. upright and wholehearted and be yourself. And when you're there, when you feel pretty settled and pretty wholehearted, then carefully, unless you have a page turner available, carefully reach out and see if you can open the book and stay present while you open the book and open it and then sit there with the book open for a while. And then, when you feel present again, start looking at the words and reading the story and watch what happens to you. And if you lose it, Come back. This is the fugue, right? Then you stay with it. You stay present while you study it. Study it that way. And then come next week and see what we find out. And then if we talk in the class, see if you can stay with it while we talk in the class. See if you can be in the class and listen and look and stay present while this happens.

[78:11]

This is a very hard class to stay present in, isn't it? Very hard. But that's what we need to do. As usual, but this is more difficult than usual, except that I'm telling you to do it all the time. When the class is over, it's easy, but nobody's telling you this. So you have to tell yourself to keep coming back and focusing on your true nature. Is this a reasonable homework assignment? Yeah. It seems to me it is. Anybody got any problems with this? Anybody have any problems with this? See me after class. all right i'm leaving so you have these sacred texts you lucky people to test yourself on to see if you can stay present even while you're looking at something which you tend to make outside yourself see if you can work it okay so we'll keep studying this this text it's going to take a while to get through it there's a lot of stuff so please take care of yourself and each other all right

[79:21]

And, uh, so... Good to go, huh? So goodbye, yes. May I have your attention.

[79:33]

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