This is the sixth day of our sitting, and as you can hear, it's raining. But can the people in the back hear me? I can't hear you. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Since it's raining, I wonder if you can hear me. Can you? What? And sixth day also today will be, we will at least reach the gate of the six subtle methods, of the sixth gate. We will never finish studying these six subtle method, but I think we can reach the sixth gate today.

[01:02]

But even if we don't, it's still the sixth day, and I know that some of you people are really grateful that it's the sixth day. And not just because it's the sixth and soon the seventh will come, but because you're very grateful to be able to practice the way you have been practicing. And you're very grateful to the other people for helping you and to the tradition. and for all the things that made possible for us to sit here for these five days, five and a half days, and to the kitchens and to endless beings who have supported us. And I congratulate you on your gratitude.

[02:23]

Certainly gratitude is our way. And when you feel gratitude, you have realized our way. So, congratulations to you. You have you have helped many others yourself too. Some of you know how you've been helped, but you may not know how you have helped. So thank you for helping each other so kindly these days. I can feel your kindness in your sitting, in your eating, and in your serving each other. And since you've already been so kind, I would ask you to even be kinder.

[03:33]

I ask you a big favor. I'm spending a lot of time in the interview room there, meeting people, so I don't get a chance to sit much. One of the main chances I get to sit and not be talking or being talked to is during meals. which I look forward to as one of my times to sit with you. So would you please be a little bit more quiet with the way you're using your implements and the way you're chewing? Or at least if you make noise, please make a musical sound. I know that's a lot to ask, but anyway, I would appreciate it if you would serenade me with your eating And you can either serenade me with silence or with some kind of music. And it's quite a symphony orchestra here.

[04:36]

And sometimes I can hear a sound and it sounds just like the rain. Each sound I feel you're making carefully and mindfully. Other times I feel that the rain master has left town. that the mind is drifting a little bit, and then it disturbs my zazen somewhat. So, please, even be kinder. You know, go beyond the great kindness which you've already realized in your orioke practice and your serving. I notice your effort, believe me. I particularly notice the service have changed a lot since I beseeched you to be more respectful to the food and the equipment. I forgot to do something which someone told me would be good to do. I was going to bring a dipper today instead of this, but I forgot.

[05:41]

Think of this as a dipper. Again, I want to come into I want to get to sixth, but I also want to back up, and if I back up too far, I won't get to sixth, but that's the risk I'm going to take. So again, I'd like to stop at stopping, or start at stopping, the subtle method of stopping. where even though you still may be aware of the breath which you have approached as an object, your feeling is now that there is no inner or outer, and that the breath is no longer something outside that you have to struggle to harmonize with.

[06:54]

you have a feeling of peace and joy in your relationship with this breath. You have a sense of the mind being stopped. However, in that state, there does arise the thought that although this is very good and it is non-action, Still, there is not wisdom here. There is not the insight which cuts through birth and death. And there arises the interest and desire to practice contemplation. When this happens to you, you will be, in a sense, reenacting something that happened to our founder, Shakyamuni Buddha, who was a very proficient concentrator, yogi.

[08:11]

He attained the highest possible states of concentration. And after he attained those states of concentration, he said, he realized that although these were most excellent mundane state of existence, which some people actually confuse with liberation. He could tell that he had not yet gotten the freedom which he was seeking. And he gave up those trance states and started to practice contemplation of cause and effect, dependent co-arising. So again, there is a subtle difference between experiencing subject and object joined, between experiencing or having some, verifying the experience of the mind, natural, restful nature.

[09:56]

A difference between that feeling of the tear, the rip, the rift, the wound in the mind being sealed and healed temporarily, there's a difference between that and realizing that the two sides of this duality are empty and have no inherent existence. There's a difference between thinking that two things that exist and are separated and cause pain are now back together and the pain has subsided. There's a difference between that kind of peace and joy and the joy of realizing that these things which are now joined, even when they're separate, lack independent existence and cannot actually ever be separated, and that the pain that arises from their separation is also empty.

[11:11]

If you have an experience of this union and peace results from that experience, as soon as this union is disturbed, you will be upset again. You will feel harassed again. But once you understand how this union and separation work, how the whole array of causes and conditions which you have now seen temporarily calm down, how they're all empty of inherent existence, then the coming and going of different states will no longer disturb you. And birth and death will be not birth and death. To arouse oneself from this temporary peace and examine how this peace happens and how it's disturbed.

[12:19]

One does just that, one disturbs the peace slightly. by activating the mind and watching it work, but not disturbing it too much, not disturbing it beyond your ability to study. Now sometimes circumstances, like people, disturb it beyond what you would want it to... people or other sentient beings sometimes disturb it beyond what you feel you can study, and that happens And sometimes you yourself also activate it or study or disturb the mind beyond what you're capable of learning from at that time. That happens too. But you learn gradually exactly how much turbulence you can still see clearly, how much movement you can still watch and learn from. And when you start learning, and when you have learned quite a bit, you realize, in that process you realize and start studying something which you hadn't been studying before.

[13:50]

namely you start studying the ungraspable nature that you're starting to realize which is the beginning of the reversal or turning around the mind of vision, the light of the mind's light, which has been going on towards objects and has now been studying them from composure, the light starts to turn and look back at the mind itself, at the mind nature itself. But also the mind nature itself just starts shining forth from the object because the mind nature is in the object, because the objects are the mind.

[14:52]

So this reversal is not necessarily your idea of reversal. Once one then turns around and looks at this mind nature which has this simply radiant tranquility, then one must take a step forward from that in order to further purify any attachment to composure. any attachment to stillness. So stillness naturally wants to purify itself when it first realized by entering into contemplation.

[16:01]

It wants to make itself so it cannot be disturbed ever. And it knows, it knows of itself that it must test itself by reentering the activity of the mind. Then by studying the activity of the mind one realizes an even deeper composure. an even deeper bliss. And that too, then, must be given up. One must go beyond that. And going beyond it, there's always just a first step. All you have to do is take one step. That's enough. There may be others, but one is enough. You don't have to take a million all at once, just one. But it's not easy once you get there.

[17:06]

One of our ancestors, not so far away, was the teacher, the second teacher of our founder, Suzuki Roshi. Suzuki Roshi had two teachers, two main teachers. One was his root teacher from whom he received the transmission, Dharma transmission, and His name was, you say it in the morning, Gokujun Son. Dayosho. Gokujun Son is a, in my heart, in my mind, is a dark figure. He taught Suzuki Roshi, I feel he taught Suzuki Roshi very physically. He was an archer. Not a very big man, but very strong.

[19:37]

They say almost no one could string, even string his bows. Look here as he was, you know, in some ways strong, but basically he was just a little tiny thing. And he wasn't really physically very strong, or at least I didn't see much of it. He had a lot of energy, but he was more like a bird than a bull. But his teacher was like a bull. And for the sake of this subtle Dharma gate, number six, I will not tell any stories about his teacher, number one. There's just not time. Someday I will. Teacher number two He is more, in my mind and in the history of the world, a brighter figure. One that everybody knows about.

[20:40]

Not everybody, but millions of people do. His name was Kishizawa Iyan. Suzuki Roshi's first teacher, his name was Jokujun Soen. That's his monk's name. I don't even know his family name. But Kishidao Iyan was at least nationally famous in Japan, one of the great teachers of the era, and just happened to live right near Suzuki Roshi. Suzuki Roshi studied with him after his teacher died. And in terms of Suzuki Roshi's understanding of Dogen's teacher, Kishidao Iyan, was the main influence. When Kishizawa Iyan was studying one day, I think maybe in the early phases I could study from this story, he was sitting in the zendo on a rainy day.

[21:46]

And he heard in the distance a waterfall. And while he was sitting listening to the rain and listening to the waterfall, someone struck the horn. And when he went to Doksan, he said to his teacher, what is the place where the sound of the rain and the sound of the waterfall and the sound of the Han meet? The teacher said, True eternity still flows. Eon said, What is this true eternity that still flows?

[23:01]

The teacher said, It's quiet and eternally smooth. Aeon said, is there anything beyond this? The teacher said, yes. Oh, excuse me. He said, what is this eternity that still flows? The teacher said, it's like a bright mirror eternally smooth and quiet. And he said, is there anything beyond this? And the teacher said, yes. And Eon said, what? And the teacher said, break the mirror come and meet me.

[24:09]

I feel this was an early story in his monkhood and that the teacher was giving him an overview of the path. But I'm not sure when that story happened. But in that story you can see perhaps either, I think, what I can see there is stopping, contemplating, returning in purity, or returning in purity, whichever way you want to do it. It's not clear when these three meet, these three sounds meet, whether that's contemplation You study these three, you study them and you study them until you find the place they meet. And the place they meet is this bright mirror, which is the return.

[25:20]

And is there anything beyond the return? Yes, purity. And what is purity? Break that mirror and go meet somebody. But it could also be that the story is these three things. You study them until you find the place they meet, and that's stopping. That's the bright mirror. And then you break that. And you go meet someone. And in that meeting, in watching that meeting, you find again the bright mirror and then you go forward from there. But anyway, you can see this back and forth between seeing the coming together of these things, the peacefulness,

[26:25]

which is eternal and bright, and at the same time it must be broken. It can't be broken, but it must be broken. And then once it's broken, you have a chance to go and meet So inside of our mind and outside of our mind, or inside our own experience and in our relationships with others, in both places we can enact stopping, contemplation, return, and purity. in our own mind, with our own experience, is the same as in our own mind, in our experience as we experience others. The same. Can you meet another person and feel this separation healed?

[27:29]

the pain quiet by settling into that pain and then once you feel settled in that relationship with that person and you feel the pain quieted by your patience with it can you then look a little bit at this relationship and let it get riled up again but enough so that you can learn from it and then study it in that realm going back and forth between union and separation, union and separation. You study the separation until you understand that all the elements in the separation, that the self and the other, that you and this other person, are both nothing at all. And when you realize that, then go beyond that.

[28:35]

You can do it in your own mind, you can do it with the other. Too bad you asked that question. Yes. He anticipated my... the pattern there. Okay, so I told you about the history of me being interested in these six subtle dhamma gates coming from my study of the third case of the Book of Serenity. where Prajnatara is talking about just breathing in and breathing out and not being attached to things, not getting hung up in things. And then the commentator says, this mystical path, easy to get lost, it would be good to study these six subtle methods as a preparation for Prajnatara's practice, or as a

[29:47]

companion practice, a companion meditation to just breathing in and breathing out. Prajnatara basically is saying, I'm just a Buddha breathing in and breathing out. That's what I study all the time. The commentator said, if you can do that practice, fine, but maybe you might test yourself by studying these six methods. So that's how I started studying them. But then recently, this fall, when we were studying Case 32, I noticed as we were studying it, Case 32 of the same book, I noticed as we were studying it, I saw these six methods pop out of the text. Particularly, I saw that in the story of Case 32, I thought I could see stopping, contemplating, returning, and... So I mentioned that at that time, that it looked to me like these practices were being demonstrated in the story.

[31:00]

So people at that time encouraged me to teach these six subtle methods. So that was the reason for this fall, for taking up the study of these six methods. My previous study had led me to see them in this story. So I think maybe I can bring up the story now and you can see maybe in this story. Case 32. Book of Serenity. A monk came to see Yangshan. And Yangshan said, where are you from?

[32:24]

The monk said, I'm from Yu province. Yangshan said, do you think of that place? And the monk said, I always think of it. Yangshan said, The ability to think is mind. That which is thought of is the environment. Therein are mountains and rivers, buildings, palaces, animals, people, everything in the universe can be thought of. Return.

[33:28]

Reverse your mind. That character reverse is the same character as in these six level gates. Return or reverse the mind. Reverse your thinking. Let your thinking turn around. Let your thinking turn into wisdom. Let consciousness change into wisdom. That was his instruction. dot dot and we don't know what that dot dot means I think it means probably many years of discussion between the two but I don't know anyway after some time one second or one year or two years or eight years the teacher said now do you see so many things existing there in the

[34:40]

in the realm of objects. And the monk said, when I get here, I don't see anything existing at all. And Yangshan said, this is right for the stage of faith, but it's not yet right for the stage of person. The monk said, do you have any further particular instructions? The teacher said, to say that I do or do not have any further particular instructions would not be accurate. Based on this insight, you get the seat and a robe. and one mystery. From now on, see on your own.

[35:47]

There's a tremendous amount of discussion. We spent seven weeks on this story. But in terms of our discussion this week, the way I see this story is, today anyway, is that when the monk said, I'm from Yu province, he had already realized the stop mind. When the teacher said, do you think of that place? And he said, I always think of it. I think the monk is saying, I'm practicing contemplation. The place he came from was from the stopped mind. However, in that stopped mind there are still many things existing. It's just that the separation between subject and object has been quieted. But this monk was already studying and activating his mind and studying these things.

[37:05]

He was thinking about these things all the time. That was his meditation. I feel that he was doing contemplation of the field of objects, watching how they dance. Watching the field of objects means watch how subject and object dance. He was studying this all the time. He was thinking about this. He was studying his thinking. He was thinking his thinking. He was thinking and thinking and thinking all the time about the objects. He was watching subject and object. He was studying the nearest and farthest reaches of causes and conditions He was sitting upright, contemplating the true marks of things, watching how things come and go, how they create each other. He was doing this always. So he was ready for the instruction to reverse the mind which the teacher gave him by saying, in your study of contemplation,

[38:09]

That ability you have to think of things, that is mind. And what you think of is the environment. But actually, what he said was, in your contemplation, the active side of the mind, your active side of your thinking is what seems to be the mind, and the passive side of your thinking is what seems to be the environment or the object. The active side of your thinking is the mind. The passive side of your thinking is that which you attribute substance to. Reverse your thinking and think of the ability to think. You cannot attribute substance to this. But this also happens when you study the objective realm which you attribute substance to. If you study it thoroughly, you will not be able to attribute substance to it either, whether it be your body, your breath, or many kinds of other mental images.

[39:17]

When you see through the objects and see that they are ungraspable and you no longer can attribute substance to them, you are now looking at mind nature. And reversing the mind doesn't just mean reverse it. It means reverse it and reverse it and reverse it. It means turn away from the object and look at the subject. Turn away from the subject, which is now the object, and look at the object. Constantly, the mind is turning. In this turning, in this pearl rolling on itself, the spiritual works are functioning. So he gave him that instruction. And finally he said, when you get to the place where you sit on this swirling world, in the middle of your contemplation of everything, are there many things existing there? And the monk said, when I get there, I don't see anything. He had become disentangled from objects, not just seeing them joined to the subject, but no longer being able to grab them to join them.

[40:25]

He saw the ungraspable nature of mind and object. This is entry into the way. He was awakened. He achieved the stage of faith and he got one mystery. The mystery of liberation from objects. He was liberated. But he had not yet attained purity. He had to let go of this too and become a person again, which he was not able to do in this story. To become a person means you have to re-engage with objects. By re-engaging with objects you transcend being unengaged with objects. And you get two more mysteries. The mystery of liberation from liberation and the liberation from even the idea of liberation from liberation. And in addition to getting a place to sit and a robe to wear, you also get a room in which all sentient beings can come and sit with you.

[41:38]

Where you can get totally messed up with them. And even beg them to eat quietly. and have them have some response to that, like, who does he think he is to ask me to eat quietly? Or, sure, no problem. What tune do you want me to play with my chopstick? Who knows what they'll do? It's scary. I think this story I told you about Kichizawa Iyan happened before he met his final teacher, his main teacher. I think so. which you may be able to tell by when I tell you about his main teacher. His main teacher was quite a chap. His name was Nishiyari Bokusan. Iyan means concerned with peace.

[42:45]

Bokusan means sandalwood mountains. Sandalwood Mountain lived from 1820 to 1910. And so in 1868, there was this thing called the Meiji Restoration. And various things happened around that. Very small wars happened in Japan where the samurai class was overthrown by the merchants, basically. And there was a re-institution of imperial power over the Tokugawa shogunate. And various things happened. And one of the things that happened was some samurais were going around doing something or other and they chose to visit Nishihari Bokusan, the Zen monk.

[43:48]

who was in some condition at that time when they visited him. I don't remember exactly of condition. Anyway, they came to see him and they told him to do something or other. And he basically said, take a walk, you know, get out of my face, something like that in Japanese. Said it with, you know, some real conviction or lack of conviction. But anyway, they were impressed. This is the thing that's, you know, one of the ways to get famous as a Zen master is to have one of these bandits or one of these warriors attack you and then just sort of like call their bluff, you know, or give your body over. Say, have a body. You know, dull your sword on me. This kind of thing impresses the warriors who have considerable power in the world and then they sometimes go tell their boss and their boss makes you the abbot of some place. Hmm. So that's what happened to Nishihara Bokusan. He got instant promotion, and he's main headed at one of the main temples of Soto Zen.

[44:51]

He chose Sojiji. Anyway, I've seen pictures of this guy, and boy, was he a tough cookie. You know, I mean, you know, like, the pictures of him, he looked just like this. Real, real mean looking guy. And the pictures I've seen were from far away. I've heard about what his face looked like up close. He had a lot of pimples. So people said his face looked like a potato. You know? Lots of pimples and pockmarks. A real... Well, I don't know what. Anyway, he was a tough guy. Real strict teacher. So somehow, this pretty nice sweet guy, I've got some other stories about this Eon that I've told. You know, you hear the story about him when he was a little boy? He actually studied as a monk when he was young, I think, and then became a high school teacher and then went back to train after he was a high school teacher when he was about 31.

[45:53]

You know the story about him when he was a little boy? Well, He seemed to be quite a sweetheart, a sincere little guy. And one time he was sent by the... This is Eon, right? This is concerned with peace monk. He was sent to go get some tofu, I think, or some pickles for dinner by his teacher. And so he was heading to the pickle shop or the tofu store or whatever it was. And on the way, he saw what? What did he see? Who knows the story? What? Circus poster. Anybody else know that story? Two people know it, so this is three. So this is not so bad. So anyway, he stopped to look at the circus poster, and the circus poster was, you know, this is the 19th century still, I think, or early 20th, and they advertised these, you know, these beautiful woodblock prints, colored woodblock prints for these things, so he stopped to look at it, you know, and staring at it and studying it, having a good time, little boy, you know, 10 years old or something, 8 years old, I don't know, and then he heard the

[47:06]

the bell ring, boom, which meant it's time for service. And then after service, dinner, right? And he was supposed to get the stuff for dinner. So he was late. So he ran. Suzuki Roshi told this story. So he ran to the pickle store, ran into the pickle store and said to the owner of the pickle store, give it to me. And the pickle store man said, what? And he said, The pickles. So he gave him the pickles and he credited it to Zen Center's account. And he went back to the temple and started running back with the pickles so he wouldn't be so late. And then some distance later he realized he had forgotten his hat. So he ran back to the pickle store and he said, give it to me. And the guy said, what? He said, my hat. And the guy said, it's on your back.

[48:08]

They put his hat on and ran back, and he was late, and he got punished. And then that was the story. And now you know that story about this guy named Ion who became Suzuki Roshi's teacher. And after Suzuki Roshi told that story, which I thought was quite sweet, he said, he was a very good boy. And I thought about it, and I think maybe Cesar Garcia gave an explanation. I don't remember if it's an explanation that I'm telling you now that he said, or if it's what I thought. It's hard to tell after a while. But anyway, basically, this little guy was going to the pickle store, and then he looked at the picture on the wall, and then he looked at the picture on the wall, and that's what he was doing, and then he heard the bell, and then he went to the pickle store. He was doing his best. All the way, you know? He did his thing. He's a good boy. But doing your thing that way, you get punished for it when you get back, of course.

[49:12]

But still, he was a good boy. He didn't, you know, the story could have gone otherwise. He could have heard the bell and said, you know, kept looking at the picture. But no, he right away ran to the store. And he had a lot of energy to get those pickles. So much energy, he forgot his head, you know. He was a good boy. Anyway, he grew up, became a high school teacher, but then after some time of becoming a high school teacher and actually becoming an expert on Chinese poetry, too, he decided to go back and train more as a monk. And then I think this story here, the first story I told was when he first started studying, and then he somehow got together with this mean guy, Sandalwood Mountain. And so basically his life with Sandalwood Mountain was, well, it was kind of like everything he did, instead of like, you know, just like when he was late for getting the pickle and stuff, whether he was on time or not, no matter what he did, basically Sandalwood Mountain scolded him.

[50:32]

Everything he did, he scolded him. And it was kind of like, in Kadagiri Roshi's words, it was kind of like the situation where somebody's walking, really walking fast, and you're a little kid trying to keep up with them, and you have to kind of skip or run to keep up with them, and you really feel embarrassed all the time. It's hard to see the gentleness in this kind of a training approach. Hard. Hard to see. To look deeply. To look deeply. You may not be able to tell the gentleness every step of the way. Gentleness doesn't always look like what you think gentleness is going to look like. Gentleness sometimes has to do with really, you know, doing what your heartbeat tells you the person, I don't know, anyway. I don't know what to say.

[51:36]

He was really tough on him. And Kishizawa was always trying to leave, get away from this guy. Somehow he got together with this guy and then wanted to get away. Funny. This thing about getting, making a big effort and going to study with somebody and then them acting in such a way that you want to get away from them, this is part of our tradition. I don't know if it's part of all traditions, but it's definitely part of this particular tradition I've noticed. As soon as the kitchen's left, I guess I'll just tell as many stories as I want. As a matter of fact, I think I'll go back and not tell one of those stories that I wasn't going to tell

[52:36]

By the way, this is, I'm talking about the sixth gate now, in case you didn't notice. This is what it's like after you transcend, after you break the mirror, okay? This is Broken Mirrorville, where you go and meet. Um, so, uh, Suzuki Roshi studied with Kishizawa Roshi, Iyan, and he also studied with Gyokujun Soen. Gyokujun Soen, when he was training Suzuki Roshi as a young person, he had quite a few disciples for a while there. I think he had like six or seven young monks with him. And, uh, My legs hurt too. And one day, somehow he or somebody served these poor young monks some rotten daikons to eat.

[53:41]

And so when the teacher wasn't looking or something, the monks took the daikons and buried them outside the temple. They buried them because he wanted them to eat what was served. This is your dinner. Eat it. It's not optional. So they hid it. And somehow, I don't know, this guy went out digging that day in the temple grounds. by coincidence or maybe it wasn't that day maybe it was a couple days later I don't know I hope it was that day and he unearthed these daikon and recognized them as breakfast or whatever it was and took them up and recooked them and made the monks eat them this is another kind of one of these where's the gentleness you know

[54:47]

Where's the gentleness? Gentleness may be hard to see there, but maybe if you thought about infinite gentleness, that might be easier. Ah, last night, you know, on my break, my wife tests my composure by giving me input. ... So last night she was reading to me about food poisoning. See, part of this tradition that I inherited is from Sukhreshi. Sukhreshi, when I used to go out to dinner with him, he used to like, you know, we were into like eating everything there, you know, and if he couldn't eat it, I would have to eat it. And then after he died, I used to go out to dinner with his wife and I never ordered anything when I went out to dinner with her because I knew I'd wind up eating her dinner. because she could just eat a little bit, and then she'd give the rest to me.

[55:51]

So this tradition, partly because Soto Zen was poor after this Meiji Restoration that was suppressed by the government, so temples were poor. These monks of this generation were not into it for the money or the food. Nowadays, people start practicing Zen for the food, I've noticed. Zen Center has really good food. So they come here primarily to get this food. But in those days, it wasn't for the food. Whatever food they got, they would eat. So this is what Suzuki Roshi's teacher taught him. Eat the food. Now, my wife, on the other hand, reading, what is it, California, UC Berkeley Wellness Encyclopedia, you know, in food poisoning, it says, you know, if you suspect food to be rotten, don't taste it to see if it is rotten. And she said, did you hear that? Don't taste it. Even a small amount of this stuff can make you sick.

[56:52]

Because that's what I do. I taste it to see if it's okay. I also sometimes launder cheese by scraping off the moldy part and then washing the rest of it and eating it. So anyway, that's part of the tradition from that story. Eat garbage. So Suzuki Roshi said, anyway, after he ate those recooked daikons, he said, it helped my understanding quite a bit. But he said, it was difficult living with this guy, and all the other monks but me ran away. I was the only one who stayed. And he said, I would have run away too, except I didn't know I could. So as I mentioned before, this lineage is like that. It's a lineage of people who get involved with people who they want to get away from but are too stupid to get away from them. Now some people who come here to study and get involved with people are smart and they get away.

[57:54]

But the lineage people, the people who get into the lineage, they're the ones who are too stupid to figure out a way to get away. So this applies, I suppose. This applies. So here's Mr. Eon, Reverend Eon, studying with Reverend Bokusan, Medicine Mountain, I mean, Sandalwood Mountain. And Sandalwood Mountain is like all the time saying, no, no, no. What's kind about that? Sometimes, you know, you ask for something from your teacher and your teacher can't give it to you because you haven't given it to yourself. You do the right thing, but you haven't given it to yourself.

[59:00]

You do the wrong thing, but you haven't given it to yourself. Doing right and wrong, you still don't give it to yourself. You want your teacher to give it to you. Teacher can't give it to you. Since you don't have it, since you don't have it, your teacher doesn't give it to you. When you have it, then your teacher gives it to you. When you need it, your teacher doesn't give it to you. When you don't need it, your teacher gives it to you. Once you give it to yourself, your teacher gives it to you. You may think you're saying yes to yourself, but your teacher may not think you're saying yes to yourself, so your teacher says, No. But when you really say yes to yourself, your teacher says yes. So what do you need a teacher for? I don't know. Anyway, you get involved with these people and you're too stupid to get away, is what it is.

[60:03]

So there he was, stuck with this guy. Uh-oh, yes? It is definitely that case. They are just being neurotic. That's it. And they will be neurotic until you're not. Teacher cannot stop being neurotic ahead of you. If they do, they're not a teacher to you. That's the Soto lineage. When you stop being neurotic, the teacher stops being neurotic. The teacher does not achieve the way ahead of you. That's why the teacher needs you to get your act together.

[61:14]

That's why they're so upset with you for not getting your act together. That's why they're so mean. But this meanness is the greatest kindness because they need you to get it together. And they're going to be neurotic until you're not. And everything they do is going to be neurotic as long as you're neurotic. That's what a teacher is. A teacher is not somebody who's beyond it all. In this lineage, a teacher is not somebody who's beyond it all. And sort of like sending you, you know, truth. There's someone who is a perfect reflection of you through which you can learn where you're at. If you're neurotic, teacher's neurotic. When you're awake, the teacher's going to be awake. When you're Buddha, the teacher's going to be Buddha. Now, some people, when you're Buddha, they're not going to be Buddha, so then, too bad. Anyway, let's hear the rest of this story, shall we? So, anyway, one time, after this, some time of study here, this man named, what is his name, Sandowin Mountain, is that his name?

[62:23]

He was talking about this, a document that's involved in the transmission of Dharma. And one little line in this document has these two phrases. One phrase is, I think, no second word or no second phrase. And then, no second phrase. And then it says, the iron person lives here. No second phrase. Iron person lives here. And, what's his name, this neurotic Zen teacher, what's his name, Voksan, he explained what this was to, in the presence of concern with peace.

[63:28]

No second phrase means having no recourse or no resort. Just using this, there's a first phrase. It's whatever you're doing. That's it. You have no resort to using this. You have no resort. You have no resort. You are a neurotic. And that's what you use. You don't, like, say, okay, I'm a neurotic. I'll just become, you know, a little bit better and then I'll use that. I'll become a whatever. And that's what I'll be using. There's no second phrase. You use this phrase. And this, an iron person, what's an iron person? An iron person is a person who has unshakable faith. What does a person of faith use in the Sota lineage? They use genjo koan. They use the reality that's manifesting as this, as this pateo-faced teacher, as this neurotic teacher, as this neurotic student.

[64:34]

as this student who's trying to do good and bad, who's trying to please the teacher or displease the teacher, who tries every means, who tries everything, and nothing works. Moment by moment, you use no second phrase. That's a person of unshakable faith. That's an iron person. Lives here. Iron person lives. Where does an iron person live? Did you get the address of the iron person? Did you hear what the address of the iron person was? What was it? Huh? It's here, but where is here? No resort. Here is no resort, which is the moment. Use this moment. You don't become a psychotic. You don't become a Buddha. Use this moment. That's where the person of unshakable faith lives. At that time, Kishizawa Iyan manifested incessant tears.

[66:05]

And he cried, and [...] he cried. And he wanted his teacher to write the characters in person for him. But he thought, if I ask my teacher, he's going to give it to me. I mean, he's not going to give me the calligraphy. He's going to scold me for asking for something. So I'm not going to do that. But he thought, there's this one old guy that comes to visit who my teacher loves. And no matter what happens, when this old guy comes to visit, my teacher always is happy to see him. So I'll ask him, ask my teacher to calligraph iron persons.

[67:16]

So he went to the old man and he said, would you do me a favor? And the old man said, what? And he said, would you ask my teacher for a discalligraphy? And the old man said, well, what for? And he said, well, I think if I ask him, he won't give it to me. He'll be mean to me again. And so the old man hesitated, but finally he said, okay, I'll ask him. So the old man came to visit the and sharing up, even when he was in a grumpy mood, to help perk up when this old gentleman came. And so he's sharing up, he came and the old man said, guess what he said? He said, I am here. And so Bodhisattva said, come on in, come on in. And he brought a bottle of sake, Japanese rice wine, and some wheat noodles. So then he and the teacher had sake and wheat noodles.

[68:26]

He liked that combination. And then after a while, the old man said to the teacher, I wondered if you could possibly calligraph an iron person for me. And Voksan suddenly became rather... solemn and fierce, and said, you're not asking for this for yourself, are you? And the old gentleman said, no. Someone else asked you, didn't they? And he said, yes. He was my disciple Eon, wasn't it? The old man said, yes.

[69:31]

And then Bok San's voice changed. It became more soft. And he said, my disciple is ripe. my teaching about the Iron Man has penetrated. So since he had already received the Iron Man, the Iron Person teaching, The teacher could give it to him, and he gave it to him. This is the stage of purity, going beyond all marks of purity.

[70:57]

doing whatever is necessary to help people. Which is just being yourself, nothing special. But among the many ways to be yourself, you're yourself the way that helps. which is sometimes like this story. When bodhisattvas are asked to give something, they practice giving and they feel great joy at giving what they're being asked to give.

[72:05]

When a student asks for some approval, maybe the teacher doesn't really think the student's asking for that approval. Maybe the student's really not saying, I don't really approve of myself, but I want you to approve of me. But if the student could say that, the teacher could say that, yes, you don't approve of yourself, but I approve of you. Even though you don't approve of yourself, I approve of you. There's that. But there's another approval, which is the approval of one who approves himself. And that cannot be given until the one approves herself. So when you know you don't approve yourself, you can be approved.

[73:22]

Because Buddha approves us all in any state we're in. No problem. But if you want approval of approval, then you have to go there. And the Mahayana tradition is, as long as there's any neurotics, I'm neurotic too. As long as anybody's sick, I'm sick too.

[74:28]

And one of the ways, even while you're sick, even while you're sick, when a sick person comes to see you, you can still say, you know, you're beautiful. You're a beautiful person. you don't have to mention that they're sick. And if they say they're sick, you can say, oh, you're sick. You can sympathize, you can empathize, that's good. And the more you empathize, the more authority you have when you say that they're beautiful. But still, you cannot be healthy, your teacher cannot be healthy until the student is healthy, until the student feels and verifies for themselves that they're healthy. And so, in many traditions, the teacher would... the teacher doesn't want to be sick, so if the student comes and says, I'm healthy, the teacher would like to say, yeah, you're healthy, and then maybe by saying so, the illness would be over.

[75:43]

The teacher would be free. from being sick. It's tough to stay sick until the other person is healthy. It's tough to be sick. And that's where the gentleness comes in, I think. And it's the gentleness for the teachers, the gentleness of being gentle enough to feel how sick he is, how sick she is. To be willing to be sick as long as it's necessary to be sick. To not rush the process ahead. there's something really authentic about being sick when you're sick.

[77:15]

And about being gentle with yourself. So gentle that you can be just exactly as sick as you are. So gentle with yourself, so infinitely gentle that you can be just as suffering as you are So the Buddha is so gentle that the Buddha can suffer infinitely with all beings and not be any less neurotic than they are. Buddha is just the sum total of all neuroses. But most people are not gentle enough to embrace the infinite neuroses of all beings. But this is the ideal. Infinite gentleness and infinite suffering.

[78:21]

And until the student completely settles with her suffering and stops squirming, the teacher kind of has to squirm too. which is neurotic. Why squirm? It just makes it worse. Why squirm? Because we're neurotic. Why don't you just be an uncomfortable, ugly little man? Why take it out on your poor disciple? A monk asked Tozu, before the moon is full, what's that like?

[79:32]

And Tozu says, swallowing three or four The monk said, after enlightenment, what's that like? Doja said, spitting out seven or eight. Before the moon's full, it eats itself in three or four gulps. Do you understand? Do you ever watch the moon eat itself? When it's a little bit, when it's a little bit coming full, it's like this, and it gradually eats the dark part. See what I mean? It goes, whoop, [...] whoop. Or does it go this way?

[80:37]

Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. until it eats the whole, the moon, the light eats the whole darkness. After it's full, what does it do? It spits out. So there is the eating, and there is the spitting out. There is the getting brighter, and after full brightness, there is spitting it out, spitting out the darkness. As we approach the fullness, we eat the darkness with light. Once full, we uncover the darkness and the light. This is the cycle. So did we finish the six subtle dhamma gates this practice period?

[81:46]

Did we finish them during the session? I mean, did we not finish? Did we get to the six dhamma gates? I think so. in the celebration of this stage of the person, in celebrating this stage of the person, if you consult your fundraising brochure, did you people get your fundraising letter yet? Picture of Tara? In celebrating this stage of the person, it says, bursting out of clear air, The Garuda takes wing on the wind. Treading over the blue sea, thunder follows the roaming dragon. This is the stage of person.

[82:50]

Bursting out of this bright mirror of the empty sky, comes the Garuda, and the wind blows on this bird. All the neurotic winds lift this big bird up off the ground. It flies in the wind of human suffering, a beautiful flight through the skies of the wind of human suffering. bursting out of the full moon. And the dragon treading over the water of human suffering, splashing around in the infinite neuroses of human beings. To be such a fearless weirdo

[83:57]

you have to prepare a little bit. Maybe get quite a bit of composure so you can stand to hang out and swim around and, you know, really engage with all this suffering. That's the stage of purity. You're so pure you can hang out with the worst of them and you can feel their suffering and not be debilitated by it and not need to get any compensation for it. But you really love it. I don't mean to discourage you by presenting such a lofty ideal, but I think I would really discourage you if I didn't tell you about it because the only reason I wouldn't tell you about it was because I'm scared of what you'd do if I told you or because I don't respect you enough to think that you have the highest aspirations.

[85:16]

I think you do have the highest aspirations I think that's why you came here. And now that you hear about him, you'll probably try to get away. But as I said, that's very much part of this tradition. And the closer you get to it, the more likely you're going to try to get away. I'm sorry that I talk so long.

[86:58]

And I don't mean to torture you. but I'm trying to not run away from my suffering, and that's why I wind up this way. And I kind of feel like the more I face my suffering, the more you will be encouraged to face yours. So I'm not pushing, I don't mean to push you into your suffering, I don't want to do that. But the funny thing is that because we're so closely connected, when I get into mine, you get dragged into yours. And when you get dragged into yours, I get dragged into mine. And being led into my suffering and you being led into your suffering, I think that's what Shakespeare means by drawn by your own sweet skill.

[88:15]

deeply into your own suffering until you get to the bottom and become a Garuda or a big green dragon. So I ask you to forgive me for being myself. It's hard for me. But I have no resort. And if you can get away, you're lucky.

[89:25]

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