Zen Meditation as Bodhisattva Vow

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During this course, we will study the bodhisattva vow, to see how the compassionate intentions of enlightening beings generate, work, and play with the mind of enlightenment to promote peace and harmony among all beings. We will explore ways to reinterpret and reinvigorate these timeless vows to meet the problems of our contemporary society in a beneficial way.

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what we're just recited was a of our written
by a thirteenth century
teacher of the buddha dharma sometimes called a zen master
and as
this is his vow and
his expression of
wanting us to hear the true dharma so that we together with all beings can attain the boot away now the words attain the way of enlightenment and freedom and peace
that's his vow and he goes into some details about practices associated with his bow
so i can imagine you know that
this ancient teacher
i wrote this vow and
perhaps quite frequently remembered this fall and lived it
felt it moment by moment
and that when he sat in meditation which he he he emphasized
the practice of sitting meditation
as the central
form a practice
so i asked you when you are sitting is that sitting that to happening here is this an expression of your vow i imagined dogan when he's sitting
that he's sitting expressing this bow
that made that we may hear the true dharma the sitting is a is emblem or
an expression and assertion
of the commitment to the vow that all beings together will obtain the buddha away
he used to sitting to express the vow and he used a vow
as the way of sitting the way he's sitting is
this vow and i also want to mention the word of the the the english word vow
means a sincere earnest promised to perform specific acts or behave in a certain manner
especially a solemn promise to live and act in accordance with the teachings of a religious order
wow also means a declaration or an assertion
that's does it that's the noun verb is to promise solemnly to pledge
or to make a pledge or a threat
to undertake something
make a vow to promise and it and the root of the word is very which means latin which means to wow
promise covenant engage polite declaration so on that's the english word the chinese word and there's a sanskrit word to i just mentioned the chinese word that's used
for wow or one of the chinese word used for vow
it means to wow
it means but it also means to pray
or to a petition or to desire or hope or beg or implore a request or be willing
and asper and also aspiration so that the word they use and chinese
for this phenomenon and i are took the sanskrit next but it it means not just
an expression of willingness or wishing to do something or wishing things to be a certain way
but actually kind of a prayer request at the be so
so may we
we vow may we may we be such and such a way
so on people often ask me often but people have asked many times does prayer have any placed in the dharma practice in buddhism and i say well actually
in zen and away are sitting is our prayer
it's the former the form of per the physical form of our prayer is sitting
and we sit quietly
so actually our silence
is a form of prayer
some other forms of
or practice within the bullet the tradition of the buddha
also used to sitting posture
as as a physical form in which prayers are offered but often in some other schools they they speak either in their head or out loud while they're sitting and they they say various some things like
special what are called montreux rooms which tried which specifically tried to invite or request certain forms of beneficence to come or to be
or to arise so for example there's a
hey i'm in tibet them many tibet people spend a good deal their date sang on money pediment room is a pet may for padma
hum om mani padme when you know homage to the
to the to the lotus born one or two to the jewel and lotus it's it's a mantra to invite to to invite
to invoke
do beseech compassion to come in to our lives to come into the life of the practitioner
so the practitioner can share the great compassion with all beings
and soto zen we do the same things that we don't say anything we silently
invite compassion to take root in our body speech and mind in every action of our life
and we also offer
our action our posture to the realization of compassion
if i ask you when you're sitting
is this sitting and expression of your vow
that might
stimulate you to look to see what what vows in you when you're sitting is there a vow there
you might have you could have allowed to sit still or you could have a vow
to become that could be a vow
there could be your life while to become
but you could also have a life wow
like a bodhisattva which is
to sit for the welfare of all beings to become for the welfare of all beings to be quiet for the welfare of all beings to be noisy for the welfare of all beings
to be compassionate for the welfare of all beings this is more of a bodhisattva vow i don't mean to force you into the bodhisattva vows because as i think i mentioned before some people who come to practices in are not yet ready to actually wish
to devote their life to live their life for the welfare of all beings i don't want to push you into feel like you should do that but i ask you is that vow in you yet
when you're sitting in meditation
is this sitting
sang quietly may this sitting benefit all beings
i would suggest that it may be true
it may work out that if you look inside to see what your and what your vows are you may be able to find a vow
and whatever the vow is if you keep looking at it
it may turn out than an end that's what the bow is it may not sound like you're out at the beginning it for example you might you might just found find a wish to be for a little while the wish to be a piece for a little while you might find that
if you keep looking at that
eventually i think you'll notice that your vow is to live together
in peace and harmony with all beings and help all beings realize that i think you might find that it may take innumerable lifetimes to find it but
i think that's what you'll find eventually
the just to idea i have
i also had the thought that
we are more or less suffering
to put another way is that we
are living together
all suffering
we are living together in the midst of all suffering were living together in the midst of all sentient beings therefore we're living in in ins in the midst of all the different kinds of stuff that's what we're already doing and were more or less open to that
and sometimes we feel may be more open to it and we can stand
some of us to feel that were sometimes and would like to be less open some people are very sensitive and they can just barely stand it
i remember this beat poet named lew welch to one of the beat poets
and one of his poems was about walking down the street san francisco
and he saw this
ah i saw black man sitting honest and the steps of his have some house crying with his face in his hands and he said in his poem he said if i see one more thing like that i'm outta here
i i can't stand to see one more person like that
and then shortly after iraq wrote the poem he disappeared
people think probably he just took a walk into the sierras you know
but you've never found
or walk into the desert in nevada

you know he practice zen at to san francisco in or to
very sensitive person and he just
couldn't band to build
to feel all the suffering
so and we were all living in the middle of it and so may i dare to say that
shall we like bodhisattvas choose to live here in the midst of all suffering
for the great
beings should since for in suffering anyway
should we choose to be in it for a good reason
that's a question
or like safeway says since when neighbors shall we be friends
where neighbors was suffering being shall we choose to be with them
or not
to be or not to be lew welch said not to be
huh so i
i'm i'm on
i'm i'm really very happy to be contemplating sitting meditation as
a vow
it's okay to sit and try to be still and try to become that's fine
so you can say sitting still and calmly as vow
as living the vow as a life of vow
as a moment by moment prayer
as a moment by moment expression of a desire
and i'll just say little bit right now
with the
ah with the instruction or with the information
that all
buddha's have
practice that way that they practice sitting meditation or walking meditation or standing meditation or reclining meditation they practice with a body
calmly with presence and they've made all their postures all their meditations expressions of vow
they didn't just because they just didn't get com to experienced to happiness and bliss of com
they did get calm and serene but that serenity was an expression of a vow and their vow was expressed by the serenity if they were ever not serene which some point in our practice they weren't still the bow is was the
the basic thing that was being carried forward into practice

in the lotus sutra which is one of the great
scriptures of the universal vehicle
there's a chapter called the eternal life of the buddha
and in that chapter the buddha teaches that although it appeared in the world i said just last week i think little bit it appeared in the world that the buddha appeared in the world
and that the buddha was actually born
as a bodhisattva the buddha was born as a bodhisattva and then evolved during one lifetime to be a buddha but he was a boy sought been many past lives to but in this final life he became a buddha
and he was a bodhisattva until he became a buddha
and it's and then and then as a buddha he went into what's called powering your varner perfect
complete peace and then was not born reborn anymore there was no more body sought this after the buddha in that particular lineage of evolution
he introduced his darmian to the world and then
let us december disciples of him carry it on
so he says in the lotus sutra he says that actually was not really true what you saw their of the buddha coming
to becoming enlightened teaching and going away that really is not true i'm actually always here i was here or not i was here but buddha is here before i was buddha and after i disappeared this is actually just a skillful presentation to help people cause some people will not practice and
let's say see a buddha so buddha peers for them to see and some people won't practice at the buddhist stays sort of buddha goes and then have the buddha goes they start practicing so the coming and going of
enlightening beings are enlightened beings is all for the sake of helping people and some people just don't get with the program unless they can see one so they so we have them appear and some even that's not enough so we'd take him away and in their grief they sober up and start practicing so this is all
for the welfare of beatings said but actually the boot is always available
i shakyamuni buddha am always available and also many other borders are always all of available
but not in the appearance disappearance mode but in the spiritual meditative mode
all buddhas are available to you all the time if you practice a certain way
and that way of practicing
here's a whale
practicing as wow
so at the end of that chapter in the verses the buddha says
those who are practice all virtues
and i like the interpretation of practicing virtues means practicing virtues and an ordinary sense are practicing giving ethical discipline patience diligence and concentration it means that but it doesn't just mean that it means
practicing that in the midst of all suffering
it means entering the mud and getting dirty entering the water and getting wet
it means
living for the benefit of others
in the midst of all their suffering
however it does not mean
living in their suffering the way they're living in their suffering
but living in their suffering in a way that will show them how to live in their suffering in a way that they will be able to see buddha
and in a way that you will be able to see buddha
so it's living in the mud living in the water getting wet with all beings but not just practicing that way but
being operate
being honest
being soft and flexible and harmonizing
body and mind and harmonizing with all the suffering beings and with all the buddhas
but first of all surf harmonize with the suffering beings
being with them
since you are
reiterate the obvious
which we can ignore we can ignore that we're living in the middle of all suffering
nothing against lew welch but anyway he i don't think he learned how to be upright i don't think he learned how to be of soft and flexible i think you could he you i think he was honest
but i don't think you'll learn how to be upright i think he leaned into the suffering the stuck his head into it
and got twisted it or i think you try to get away from it in the end trying to avoid it if we try to avoid suffering it's perfectly normal it will do that and if we try to avoid suffering could see other people trying to avoid suffering
where therewith that we're we're with all the people who are trying to avoid suffering were with them as it as are causing more suffering by trying to avoid suffering were with them while they're causing more suffering by who by fighting the suffering or by
trying to make a suffering worse as a as a way to get away from it all the things people do were with them
we're not leaning into their suffering away from their suffering and we're doing that
for their welfare
and where harmonizing with all their suffering for their welfare and we're being honest with about are suffering in their suffering for their welfare
and this is the way of sitting
and standing
in the middle of all beings
with this fall with this wish with this request with prayer
and with this promise
i and i promise
i commit myself my life to continue to live
in the middle of suffering and to continue to live
for the benefit of others and i think the way that's beneficial for others is for me to be there in such a way that i will see the buddha
and they can see how i'm sitting
how i'm walking and if they see that and they see me seeing buddha they may be able to practice that way because they're also in the middle of suffering and they will be able to see buddha
practicing in this way we
well see buddha
and you will be the bodhisattva vow
living the bodhisattva vow
you will see buddha
practicing this way you will see buddha and you will live the bodhisattva vow practices where you will live the bodhisattva vow and you will see buddha and other beings will learn to do this
and you're doing this not so that you can see buddha but so that other beings can see border but
to help them you learn at first

sitting upright in the midst of all suffering with no expectation

and just by coincidence
on the back of this robot says
soft and flexible harmonious honest and upright
this is the chinese for the
from the lotus sutra

ah some people went to japan and brought it back and gave it to me and the hit the in the story and while they were in japan they had or issues such as can count calligraphy so as son
chose this out of the lotus to turn rotor on the back here
so his me what
the first character mean soft flexible meek
i could also almost be translated surrender
homs soft flexible
and also that this character which means soft and flexible sometimes put together with the character for mind or heart
and this flexible mind are flexible heart is ah
is the mind or heart that is willing and ready
you could say and vows
to let go a body and mind
to drop
body and mind and thus enter into the actual process of saving beings
if we're holding onto our body is hard to hold hands with other people
so we kind of like let go of her body and mind
and having a soft mind and body were actually
we're willing to even before we do we're willing and vowing to let go of our body and mind so that we can join hands with other people and walked through suffering with them for their for their welfare
but if we're holding onto our body and mind it's hard for us to embrace all beings and show them how to hold hold hands with us which means they have to let go of their body mind to take our hand
and sometimes people are willing to do that they're holding onto something but if someone reaches out a hand it's empty they sometimes drop that they've got
to join that hand
that's the bow
that by us letting go and opening up someone would see that and they would let go and open up and join us in the letting go and opening up and joining and letting going some more and more beings are drawn into this process
of liberation
in the
excuses excuses sanskrit in the somme new more china sutra the sutra in which the buddha a kind of on unlocks your reveals
his deep intentions and teaching in the in the ninth chapter
the body sought for
have infinite compassion of a low-key touch bar
asked the buddha
why is it that among all births and
samsara or birth and death the body sought for his birth is known as the most excellent
and the buddha said and by the way
what kind of don't like the question and away and i don't like the idea that the bodhisattvas birth of most excellent but
i'm i'm kind of coping with that now that
at the bodhisattvas birth is the best
and why is it the best
i've lucky test far this is because a for aspects are four reasons number one
i think this is number one
bodhisattvas established exceedingly exceedingly good routes or virtue
after individually investigating the appropriate what is learned they have compassion that protects all beings and they do and they do not have afflictions themselves so they can help others overcome their afflictions
they learn how
they've learned how to go into all suffering
and not have afflictions in the middle of the suffering by being upright and flexible and by being flexible they drop off their body and mind
and harmonize
and they're honest about the suffering but they're not clean to their pain or pleasure
because he had a soft mind that wants to let go so the taken show other beings how to overcome their suffering the way they are was suffering is they're not really afflicted by it
they don't possess or dispossess it
they drop off the suffering equipment the equipment of suffering is dropped off because they have this willingness to let go
and they thereby can show other beings how did you the same that's why the body sought for birth birth and to be such a person is considered the best and some of these people
will become buddhas
in some lifetime
if that's helpful
otherwise i just keep be reborn
re-entering suffering
over and over and over and over again learning how to be in suffering in such a way as to show other people how to be and suffering such that they become free of it
that reason is considered
and then the next question after that that the body sought for the infinite compassion as the buddha is
why is it that bodhisattvas progress progress by way of extensive vows
by way of auspicious files and by way of the force of vows
and another translation from this month tibetan from chinese the question is
to the buddha world honored one why the body surface why do you say that all bodhisattvas produce
for the first one it said they progress the trenches and what how can you say that they progress by means of these vows
now the question is why do you say that they produce
they're all bodhisattvas produce expansive valves wonder espouse and superior vows another translation from chinese is why does the buddhists say that all bodhisattvas carry out
far reaching vows marvelous thousand excellent vows gay
same question three times
in the buddhist says because of for four reasons
bodhi sought the for reasons are bodhisattvas are skilled with regard to the blissful
state of nirvana it's the first reason second they are able to quickly obtain
nirvana the second third is they're able to give up both the quick attainment and the peaceful state of nirvana for the benefit of century beings
and the fourth reason is they wish to undergo
for a very long time the manifold sufferings that arise without cause and without purpose
are they wish to undergo for a long time for a very long time the manifold sufferings of all beings that arise
cause and without purpose other words with aimless love an aimless generosity

they wished to plunge into they wish to plunge into the sea of suffering
without any gender
they're doing it for the welfare of all being so you can say well that's the purpose and actually dive in
they give all beings and themselves a big field where they're practicing love with no expectation
with no agenda
with no memory even of what they're doing there
these are the
and voices and so that's the reason i say that are
they progressed by by wow

connecting this back to
zen practice
this this person is a hey dogan says the sitting meditation i teach
he is not
what you know is not concentration practice although
were concentrated it's not concentration practice it is simply the dharma gate of repose and bliss
the first two reasons
the bodhisattvas progress by vow
but they practiced by vow
if they live by vile the first two reasons are that they they know well how to enter the state of repose in bliss reposing place is a nickname for nirvana they know well how to enter nirvana
and they can do so quickly
because they know how to enter nirvana and they can do it quickly
that's to the reasons for them being willing and wanting to live by vow to live in this world
you could say they know they can get out anytime they want to that's why they're willing to live here
they actually do practice a practice which is repose in bliss which is nirvana
they know how to practice of such a way that they
know how to attain peace and bliss and they also know how to do it quickly and because of that
also or and or not because of that and with that they ah
they give away
this state of bliss

and giving away the state of bliss
they wish then
they don't just give away the bliss after they give it away
they wish now to enter into all suffer
for the welfare of all bags
another translation is all bodhisattvas are well able to realize the happiness of abiding in nirvana
that's one number two they can do it quickly they can realize it quickly three yet they give it away they renounce it they renounce the rapid realization of repose in bliss
and without
cause or necessity they produce a mind of great vow because they desire to benefit all beings they remain among great suffering of various kinds
for a prolonged time
so one version of them practices you sit
and you immediately attain nirvana
you're you're sitting
which is the dharma gate of repose in bliss
and because it's so because you know so well how to practice that way
you give it away
and you wish now that you
enter nirvana and given it away
you wish now to live
with all suffering beings for their welfare
more or less forever
on tell they're all liberated
and so practicing meditation is way is i would say practicing as the bodhisattva vow or living the bodhisattva while in for example the sitting posture
and i might wonder and you might wonder what to send students actually like have easy time entering nirvana when they said
and most of them probably would say no i don't have easy time enter nirvana

so we're talking about i maybe we're talking about a subset of this and students
which who we would call bodhisattvas some of the zen students are bodhisattvas those are the ones who know well how to enter nirvana they sit and they know how to immediately enter nirvana

maybe before they immediately enter nirvana they don't know how to immediately enter nirvana so they're sitting there and they're not enter nirvana they're sitting not enter nirvana they're sitting not a dream ramona and then suddenly some day they suddenly immediately enter nirvana they stop resisting nirvana
the call accompanying some sour it's always like right there they just stop resisting a night
the in nirvana and
because their both cyclists because they were born for the welfare all beings after the enter nirvana they give it up
they give it away
who did they give it to they give it to the people who they're now want to live with
all separate biggs they also want to live with the buddha's but
that's not the main point the main point is that they wished to live with all suffering for the benefit of the suffering bags
they joyfully do that
and and part of their joy of doing that is connected with it they gave away the joy of peace and bliss of nirvana they gave it away and they know they can go back
and the way they go back his how
do you say sitting there sitting work
yeah by receiving the joy that comes from renouncing right and also you want like this when you did that and your uprightness comes from receiving the joy of giving away the joy giving away the joy that comes from being upright when you're up
gay when you're upright you feel this and you have the softness you want to give away your uprightness and your softness and your bliss you gonna give it away and when you give it away it lifts you up and drop redness again
surviving upright in the middle of the suffering and being soft and giving it away being upright and giving it away being upright and giving it away
he's also harmonizing it's all of this is keep putting you a back into uprightness and make you always on the verge of entering nirvana and always on the verge of plunging into all different all the different types of phone

so practicing meditation in that way is practicing meditation as bodhisattva vow
and all the students are are very close
to being a bodhisattva in that way
but a slight resistance is sufficient to not feel upright to not feel soft
and to not feel harmonious and then you don't feel like you can easily enter nirvana and if you can't easily enter nirvana
you're probably not ready to give it away
but when you can easily enter it when you can enter it and you know how and you can do it easily and quickly than you're also quite put more in the mood of giving it away
and this condition is always very close
i should say close it's not either near or far it's right where you are you might say which isn't really close
one time suzuki roshi said when i sit in meditation he said zazen when i sit in zazen sometimes i feel like i can sit there forever

and then he said but when the bell rings i get up and do walking meditation with everybody
sometimes he entered nirvana when he sat
and when you enter nirvana it's
joyful and peaceful and you feel like
you know
hey i can do this forever this is like i can do this forever
they suffering all around but a i'm like joyful and at ease in the world of all suffering beings and i can sit here with the world of suffering beans forever
when the bell rings i'd give it up and take a walk with everybody
many send students when they said they do not feel like they can sit forever
they do not feel repose in bliss
and then a day comes finally when they feel it and when the bell rings they do not want to give it up and take a walk with those other people who haven't attained this year
but that's not the bodhisattva vow that's just simply attachment to
reposing bliss which can happen
the bodhisattvas know how to taste repose in bliss
that helps them give it away and that helps them be willing to live
with all misery
and they're born
for that purpose
they're born to learn how to be peaceful and harmonious
and soft and let go
for the well and lit and then plunge into suffering for the welfare of other beings and they learn that
they learn how to sit upright
honest soft flexible and harmonious
where they are which happens to be in the middle of all suffering everybody is in the middle of all suffering
nobody's actually in the suburbs
people want to be
but that's not the bodhisattva vow the bodhisattva vow is accept your assignment you have been assigned to a particular central location in the ocean of all suffering biggs each of you has that position
it's a different position but it's the center
everybody's around you
you've been given a particular place to be in the middle of at all
you are everybody is
now who is willing to be there
and do the practices so they can be there
and so that they can give away the practices which allow them to be there so they can be with the people who don't know the practices and teach them so that they can learn how to be there by finding a place of peace to take a giveaway
i'm very happy
to talk to you about this and to be looking at zen practice and zen meditation as this kind of practice not about me getting com although that's fine
but about me getting com so i give it away
the perfection of concentration the perfection of serenity is to give it away
and learning how to become help shoe have come to give away
learning how to be peaceful and blissful learning how to enter that state
helps you have it to give it away and helps you have the courage to give it away
discovering that you've been born
with the vow with the wish with the intention to benefit all beings and to live with the people you're benefitting rather than live someplace else and benefit them from long distance to benefit them up close
at the you know in the right relationship to learn that that's what you're here for and then realize who i have to learn know how to be
in the mood to do it i'm here for
i have to take care of myself so i can do my job
so i can stand the suffering
of the people i want to help
i have to take care of myself and certain way i had to learn how to enter nirvana
and as soon as i enter nirvana that's enough now i can give it away i'd come back anytime or walk because i knew how to practice nirvana entering
and your vaughn is always right there next to my suffering and nirvana's right next to everybody else's suffering
but in my case
i have my own nirvana which i give away
and help other people find there's which will help them give it away
now although we give away peace and bliss
as roderick said
in times of your
when you give away your peace and bliss
this can just get a new dose of bliss which again give away
so i'm in i'm i'm very happy to have thought of this class and to think about zen meditation this way
i hope you're getting a glimmering
about it i know it's got a hand
on the end of arm
connected to a body yes read
sometimes we talk about the suburbs of suffering
yeah inner city
that distinction
is is no distinction
it's it is there's a distinction yeah well one scientists pose and bliss
becomes a bodhisattva do they get a subway head for downtown
the downtown sovereign order this day in the suburbs because there's no distinction between said
body suffers are vowing to live downtown they're vowing to live in the inner city
there's there isn't really any suburbs
the suburbs are surrounding the inner city
the suburbs are there's people suffering in the suburbs to but to want to be away from the center is a natural tendency for someone who does not know how to be upright
honest harmonious and soft if you can't be that way then you want to you want to take a walk into the desert of nevada to get away from it
hopefully in the winter because i think dying i'm dying of freezing is more comfortable than dying of heat
it's good way to go if one commit suicide
because you feel warm and you start to pass out and get when you hypothermia their feel warmth for awhile you have dreamed of being like a fireplace
has you're freezing to death
that's what i've heard and i myself remember getting close to hypothermia and feeling feeling warm and i know that's a signal that i should get out of the water when i said gee like to stay here forever
this is really getting comfortable
get out
so suburbs there are there are suburbs but the suburbs surrounding the inner city the bodhisattvas in connected to in the inner city connected to all the suburbs the suburbs are just enhancing their sense of cooperation with all beings
but to want to get away from the inner city is what people who don't take care of themselves
properly want to do
but doesn't work course
so in a sense the suburbs are all are the people who in sensor
you know
beyond your reach maybe in some sense who you're not feel so close to
but the wish to get away from the center of the foot of the flames
is something to be generous about to be kind to yourself about and others who wish to get away from the center to be kind to them
so when we see people trying to get away from the suffering wish
be be kind to them
open your hand to them and then maybe it's are running away they'll hold your hand and then they won't run away quite so far
and if you want a runaway be kind to yourself and you on a way too far
said make sense
to become person would inspire
they're not sure about
are they get
inspired so they cannot hold on to their seat and they just start they get inspired so they cannot hold onto what hold on to their
the new one now hold onto a nirvana they don't hold onto your ivana rate but then they grow and then they burned out so there's something wrong if they burn out that because you're not practicing a break harmonious honest and soft than you burn out if you if you're in suffering and you don't practice
that way then you won't see the buddha and without seeing a buddha you're gonna get scared in the middle of suffering said you can try to like go to the suburbs
because you burn your burning out
and you've got gotta suburbs by you know what kinds of addictions
if you don't
john to the water
there's a tendency will never learn how to swim
right where in the water were already in the water
we're already in the water but we've but we feel like a wanna get out because we didn't think we chose to be in the water
and it's and if you're in the water and you want to get out it doesn't make it generally speaking harder to learn how to swim
but if you and if you're in the water and you say hey i chose to be here and since i'm here i think i'd like to sign a person swimming classes
but if you're in the water and you say how did i get here whose fault who got me in here you know how come me how come i'm here and other people maybe audience at badwater get into that this is not upright sullivan honest i'm not really love it honest and if you're recognizing your in the water and
you're trying to find somebody to blame
are you blame yourself resident i blame myself praise myself for choosing to come here and now i'm going could take swimming lessons it's more how how you can actually do it or not to get burnt out so by sitting
and knowing knowing the time that you really
like knowing the time you're really scares me knowing the time you're really
my my mind says that when of there's no time any time he said okay yeah but with the really well i'm or watch the really knowing the time you're really is now now what is it a read that you really know
out what you bet that's the honesty part there's the honesty part i'm burned out
honesty is necessary i'm not i'm not upright
i'm not harmonious i'm not relaxed you need that you need to honest there that's the test as part of the valve i revealing and disclosing your lack of faith before the buddha melts away the rouge transgression that's the honesty part
i'm not i'm not relaxed i'm tense
i'm not relaxed i'm leaning various ways i'm not upright and i'm not harmonizing with all this suffering i'm fighting it there's honesty confess it before the buddhists and you come back in
find the practice again that you want to practice which you got distracted and now you're back
and now year you've given up the distractions the worldly affairs not your back
so being honest about being burned out that's part of the thing we need that too because we we get were operate and then we leave were relaxed and we tense or or were relaxed and we opened in irvine and we hold onto it ups i'm honest i'm hope i don't want i want to pay you a little bit longer not quite
up a bell rang not i'm not going to get up and do walking meditation of i'm gonna keep going so i finally found nirvana i'm not going to give it up now honesty
i do not want to get up and walk with those turkeys
get good thank you now we can be generous with your clean
and we can be generous when you burn out after you clean
okay we're back
now i can relax again and be upright round and round
and we're not just learning this wonderful nirvana realizing technique just to attain nirvana were learning how to enter nirvana
to have something to give away and also so we can tolerate the work of living with all beings we need it
and we can have it
but it's good not to hold onto it for very long and the quicker you get away sooner it comes back
and then give it away
yes i said something about
or or into it yeah that's where we sit have this posture is posture to remind us how to be in suffering how to be with our own how to be with others

stay way
welcome you can you imagine wallowing and suffering
like oh i'm suffering so imagine any or years suffering so much it
too much you know you're so into you you're not even pay attention to it anymore you're just making lot of noise
and you're not really paying attention to it anymore and you're you're actually using you lean into it as as a way as a way to avoid it
can you imagine that
screaming and hollering it's like when i go swimming and when i go swimming in the cold water some people like they run into the water make a lot of noise when they go in i try to go in and really feel it feel the cold
it's very difficult is to feel it to feel it to feel it to feel it to feel it just really feel it he sort of one like get going you know get in there get over this intense feeling coming in it doesn't just come want to come again again again in every animal you move into the water comes up into new party your body
just to feel the new feeling very difficult to stay right there with with the new delivery of the new intense sensation
he kind of want just get it over with regular noise you know it's our swimming fast
in my case is not a good reason for doing this as big is that i had a heart attack and if i go into if anybody goes into cold water if you put your hand and cool water your heart because way up you put your face into cold water goes up even more
so if you go into cold water your heart rate goes way up and if you also at the same time that you go in and your heart rates going up if you start paddling rapidly that also makes your heart rate go up so then your heart rate goes up really really high all of a sudden and it's hard to tell whether that actually is okay or not
because then you start getting afraid and then it goes up even more and you can actually like maybe get it going a little bit too fast faster than it needs to
actually so if i go i go in and i feel the cold and i feel as a heart rate going up
i don't really wallow in it
i tried to feel it step by step more by moment
i mean i try not to wallow in it i try not to shrink back from it and to find that uprightness in that intensity is it just a wonderful challenge
and when you're with suffering person or other forms of your own suffering it's very difficult to be upright with it
not try to get ahead of it kind of like okay let's let's have it in also given to me what doesn't come that way it comes it's own way but if you make a lot noise you see it seems like you can you can jump over it or you get into it and not feel it all a little
and the same of you're visiting some person who's sick or dying actually feel the moment by moment it's difficult to be right there you know to like going to tell you about the lady with the broken neck
no so
one of my friends it's a bicyclist and she broke her neck and so i'm togheter on the telephone and it's very difficult to be right there with her she's trying to be cheerful and you know
but still you know i could feel it and on her whole life she's very athletic suprax active woman and now
our whole life is so different you know and she feels a lot of love and support but also it's very difficult and to be with her and not lean into it and kind of like get excited with her positive energy just to stay right there with are you know
it's fruit there's there's that place and that balancing place you can really stay we can be a not stay so much but you can be there and be there and be there we start leaning around you start getting burned out and then you want to get away that leaning back where we start by leading back back in and you want to leave for
are you want to go the right so this is the art
have learning how to be in the mud
getting some feeling for it
you're welcome

it is that the practice
authentic engagement is you can use that word for it

thank you very much good night