We kind of know what, you know. So one of the monastic stories is, my first day of work, I walked up the road here to repair a pipe with another guy. And we repaired it. It was broken in various places, the pipe that delivers the water from the springs up the road. We repaired it one place and we moved to the next place to repair it. When we got to the next broken place, I said, Let's go back and do it. So we went back to the first place and really repaired it. And he knew what I meant when I said, you know, whatever I said. He knew. He was there too. He knew we didn't really fix it. We just sort of fixed it because we thought we don't have time to fix all of these, so we sort of fixed that one. We're probably going to go sort of fix the next one. We knew the difference. We knew we didn't really do it, and we went back and did it. Completely. At least to the best of our ability, we did it.

[01:03]

And we didn't do the best we could do. And then we went to the next one and did it. We know. But if we think, that's done with, we're not going to see that one again. Or, you know, I'm going to be out of this monastery before this thing all breaks apart. Yeah. there's no quality control check on this stuff, then we don't do our best. But if this is not going to go away, I shouldn't say not going to go away, but if this is not totally eliminated, that this can arise again maybe in some other form. You take better care of things. So who is D? I have a question about Yes. It's loss of control of your mind, not loss of mind.

[02:05]

This may be loss of mind. This is a question about Alzheimer's. Yeah. It goes back to Sal's question at the beginning, and then to Sal wanting to be able to apply what you were saying. Yes. So I watched... and other blues come on it. Yes. It's not just control of the mind. I need to know how to think about that in terms of annihilation. Here's what I can think, just as a place to start, that it really is gone, that it will never come back, that there are memories that are dissipated energy pumps that will never recalculate. And that two week is gone.

[03:07]

I don't know, this may be an illusion, but then one feels that other things come. So as there is a ceasing, there is also an arising. But it doesn't mean that what's gone isn't gone. No. Well, from the Buddha's perspective, it doesn't mean that the Buddha thinks that somebody doesn't lose something, or that something doesn't cease. It's just that they don't say, they don't have this philosophical position, okay, that this is non-existence. You don't extrapolate, that's a good way. You don't extrapolate into a metaphysical theory, which then you hold and then affects the way you live. You just watch your own mind or somebody else's mind changing in this very dramatic way.

[04:16]

You watch it happen. You see how certain functions cease. Most of us except for maybe Sophia are seeing various mental functions cease. I guess some of you haven't noticed. You look surprised. Maybe some of you are younger than I know. But to make these things, the ceasing of these things, into a metaphysical thing, into this abstract noun, and have that theory, okay, that's dangerous and could have damaging consequences. And the most damaging consequence is, immediately, you're not practicing the middle way. about this phenomenon that's happening to somebody else or yourself. And this, by the way, again, this extrapolation from something ceasing into a theory of non-existence, into a theory of annihilationism, that extrapolation, that overdoing it with your mind, that overkill on a killing, on a death, that also goes with the fact that you thought that thing was there really before it went away.

[05:37]

So you already had another thing over here called eternalism or inherent existence before that, which you maybe didn't notice, but you actually kind of sort of thought that you really did have a mind that was functioning properly. Rather than there was appearance of a mind that's functioning nicely, you thought that that inherently existed. And that didn't bother you that much. until it started to change, and then you not only did it go away, but you then, because you're a heavy-duty metaphysician, you do the same with something that ceases. So then it becomes like a horror show. But another way to say it becomes a horror show is that you weren't practicing the middle way when it arose, and you don't practice the middle way when it ceases. So then if it does cease, if you do have Alzheimer's, where's your practice going to be? I'm trying to practice now. What's going to happen to my practice if I get Alzheimer's? I want a practice that's not going to end if I have Alzheimer's.

[06:39]

What's that practice going to be? That's the middle way. The middle way is not going to stop when my brain stops functioning. Can I just stop? That's important, you know. The middle way does not depend on my brain functioning properly. or the way it usually functions. Okay? The middle way does not depend on me being smart. I don't practice the middle way. That's an inclination. That's a disposition. That's an approach. I practice the middle way. If I enter the middle way, I enter the place where I'm not grasping the extremes of annihilation and eternalism, which means I don't rethink I inherently exist.

[07:44]

So I don't do the practice. And therefore, When my brain changes, and it's already changing, when my brain cells dry up, which they're doing, the practice of the middle way will not be undermined by that. And it's also not facilitated by my present level of hydronization of my brain. The question is, what is the practice of the middle way with what I am now, with the way I appear and disappear? And the way I'm actually appearing and disappearing, that's the middle way. And the way I'm actually appearing and disappearing is exactly why everything that appears and disappears about my life lacks inherent existence. And all that is just a conventionality. That's the middle way. I want to enter that practice. I want to lose my independent existence attachments in that middle way.

[08:50]

And Alzheimer's is one of the main things for me to practice because I know pretty soon I'm not going to be able to practice by my intelligence because pretty soon I'm not going to be very intelligent anymore. Pretty soon I'm going to be incinerated, as a matter of fact. But if I learn this now, if I join this now, the middle way will go on forever. Plus, every step of the way it will be freedom for all beings. So that's the middle way. That's the way for us to enter it with our mothers who have Alzheimer's, with ourselves as it starts to happen. We have to find this practice. It goes, you know, it keeps addressing the situation.

[09:53]

It's not eternal. It's not annihilated. It's the way things really are. We've got to tune into the way things really are. And the aspect of Alzheimer's for me is kind of like, hey, this is obviously not about what I'm going to be able to do pretty soon. I'm losing it. I'm losing it. It's a steady loss thing that I see. So I'm switching from practices which I can do to practices which we do together with the Buddhas. Us with each other, all together, with the Buddhas, none of us by ourself, and not let go into that practice. But we have to also, like, you know, tidy up a little bit here, you know, the way we think, and let go of these heavy-duty high-powered philosophical coping mechanisms and use, and I'm suggesting we consider this philosophy of the middle way.

[11:00]

I think it's really good. I, you know, I do. Is there any other questions before, because it's getting kind of late? Did we address your question enough? Good. Was that it? Was that all the people that had their hands raised? Oh, so there's the poems. Remember the poems? Okay, so please do a poem if you're willing and recite it. Oh, today, this is kind of our last full day, right? And tonight is the Last Supper. So tomorrow we'll have a different schedule. It'll be the same through morning meditation, you know, the early morning and 8.30 we'll have that and breakfast. And then I think that Tassajara people would like you to, if you're leaving Tassajara, to move out of your room and pack up and move your stuff over to the back of the office or something.

[12:14]

And then we reconvene at 10.30 for our final meeting tomorrow in the Founders Hall, which is a Japanese building there over on the other side of the bridge from the dining room. And unless somebody gives me other suggestions, we'll just meet there and read our poems, and then we go up to the Ashes site for Suzuki Roshi and offer incense to the founder of this place. So that's what I was kind of planning on, unless you have some other suggestions. And so I meet this afternoon. And is that okay? Thank you.

[13:02]

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