Invoking the presence and compassion of our ancestors in confidence that we are in our whole being the Buddha nature, thus we enter the Buddha way. And today also I'd like to say that our precious Abbess has her birthday. Happy birthday. And Danny? Lori has her birthday? Lori? Happy birthday, Lori. Thank you.

[01:09]

I think I... Towards the beginning of Sesshin, I think I wanted to make a gesture to speak to right faith in the tradition of the lineage of Dogen and Ejo and Tetsugikai and Keizan and so on, up to the founder of Zen Center, just to sort of let you know what I see as the part of the faith of the tradition of this temple. But it may not be the case that all the Buddhist practitioners on the planet or throughout of all time have the same view, the same understanding of right faith. I don't even know if I do, but this is my understanding of Dogen's view of right faith,

[02:11]

that the practice of the Buddha way is the practice of Buddhas. The practice of the Buddha way is not the practice of sentient beings, but the practice of Buddhas. However, the practice of Buddha is the practice of all sentient beings, and all Buddhas, together. So sentient beings are beings who think they're practicing by themselves or with a few people, or maybe even with some Buddhas. But the practice of the Buddha is with all Buddhas, all Bodhisattvas, and all beings. And my understanding is that for Dogen and his, most of his disciples down through the centuries, the lineage is practicing the Buddha way, which is the practice of a Buddha, which

[03:14]

is the practice of all beings together with all Buddhas. And so the practice emerges from that communion, but in bringing this up, lots of other stuff came up, and so it's taken quite a while to make that simple point, or that complex point, or whatever kind of point it was. So... and I appreciate Michael's comment that something about some... he felt something fundamentalist about the way I am. I think I should be open to that charge, but I thought, well, I don't know, I'll be open to that, but the more I can see that I'm more like an evangelist, or... yeah, evangelist.

[04:19]

Like, I can see myself, there's something about me that wants to overcome any resistance due to self-cleaning in all beings, that I'd be sort of like Buddha's bulldozer. If anybody's holding on to anything, here I am to push on that a little bit, until you feel something sticking, say, that's enough, stop. So maybe I pushed enough. Yesterday, a couple people came to see me, and one of them said, sort of in response to the way I was talking, she thought I was saying something about, you or we should be good. I thought, did I say that you should be good? Whether I said it or not, this person felt it, and this person felt some difficulty because she really feels like we really are good. We are really good. And Buddha agrees with her.

[05:22]

Buddha didn't say all sentient beings are bad. Buddha said all sentient beings really are the Buddha nature. They don't get it, but they are. Buddha said also these good beings tend to be ignorant, and because of the ignorance they suffer. But they are basically good, and they have a chance to wake up and give up their ignorance, which is really that they believe in a self of persons and things. Buddha said if we develop a middle way view, we can give up, we can see and verify the selflessness of phenomena and realize freedom. And someone else also said that he felt like I was pushing people to be good, pushing

[06:27]

people to be compassionate. So, hmm, I thought, hmm, interesting that I seem to be pushing you to be good. Maybe I'm just pushing myself and you just happen to be in the neighborhood. Sorry. And since I think it's good for me to push myself to be good, I wonder why you don't want to do that too. I think I am susceptible to self-righteousness, and I think self-righteousness is another form of ignorance. Righteousness is okay, but to think that it's mine I think is related to ignorance.

[07:30]

Okay. So, again, it seems to me that part of what the practice of the Buddha way is about is to help us, you know, enter into a process where the, you know, hindrances that have

[08:39]

developed due to our past thoughts, which means our past thoughts of the karmic type, in other words, our past thoughts which we thought were our thoughts done by us, in other words, past thoughts mixed with belief in self. Because we have thought in the past, under the auspices of ignorance, this kind of thinking and the speaking and acting which emerge from this kind of self-clinging thinking, this kind of activity has created some obstacles in us realizing our Buddha nature. And, so it seems to me that in the context of the spiritual communion, these obstacles,

[09:39]

these hindrances melt away. And also in the context of spiritual communion, the belief in distinctions, in the substantial real distinctions between ourselves and others, the belief in the self of things melts away. It partly melts away because in the context of this communion we study the Buddha Dharma, but it's not just to study the Buddhist teachings, but to study the Buddhist teachings in the context of this process of communion that makes it really work. That's why we can't actually just go read the Buddhist scriptures by ourselves and fully realize their liberating import. We need to not just read the scriptures and study the scriptures and meditate on the scriptures,

[10:41]

but meditate on them in the environment, in the container of this communion with all beings and all Buddhists. That creates the warmth, or you could say the heat, to catalyze the study so it isn't too dry, so that it's rich and flowing and doesn't get stuck even in the teachings. So, I was trying to start by setting the context for this, set up the cauldron for us to enter into. One of the ways you enter the cauldron is by inviting the Buddhas, but when you invite the Buddhas, when you invoke the Buddhas, you also enter the process. You start drumming, they start singing together.

[11:49]

Maybe that's been happening throughout our whole lives, and hopefully it will continue and become more and more vivid and fully realized. I don't want to say concrete. I don't want it to be too concrete because then it might get too heavy and stuck. So, actually it should be playful and flowing, this practice. Suzuki Roshi was pretty good at reminding us to be playful. He thought our practice was really important and he really thought his students were really important.

[12:56]

And he really thought the teachings of the Buddha and the teachings of Dogon and the teachings of Bodhidharma were really important, but he also said what we're doing is too important to be taken seriously. Because if we take it seriously and stop playing, we can injure its vitality. Almost like we can choke this wonderful practice together. So we have to be kind of gentle and flexible and playful and also energetic and committed. So to combine commitment and sincerity without getting too serious. So, not serious and not not serious. Something playful between serious and not serious. Neither one, really. But just flow along with things sincerely, wholeheartedly, as much as possible.

[14:07]

And if we are not being wholehearted, we have a practice of confession. Which again is an invitation to the Buddhas to come and meet us so that again in that environment we can let go of our laziness, our ambivalence, or our excessive, what do you call it, our fanaticism, if we have that. So, after Dogen died, Gikai kept practicing at Eheji with his older brother, Ejo. And at a certain point he wrote that, this is like in the year following Dogen's death, in the past year or so, I've been reflecting on the lectures I heard given by our former teacher.

[15:15]

He's writing something he said to Ejo, his new teacher. I've been reflecting on the lectures I heard given by our former teacher. Even though I heard all of them from our former teacher, note the formality, now they are different than at first. This difference concerns the assertion that the Buddha way transmitted by our teacher is the performance of our monastic tasks. I would say, you know, if you are not living in a monastery, that the transmission of our teacher,

[16:20]

that the Buddha way transmitted by our teacher is the performance of your daily tasks. The Buddha way transmitted by Dogen is what you do, day by day. Someone told me that his wife doesn't like Buddhism too much, but I told him that actually she should, because Buddhism is devotion to your wife. When you go home from Sashin, you go home and you are more devoted to your wife than before. And she likes Buddhism, says, do more retreats. Buddhism is devotion to all beings, including your wife.

[17:24]

It retreats to help you make the way you relate to your wife, the performance of your relationship with your wife, you perform that, as the Buddha way transmitted by at least Dogen. If you are in a monastery, it is the performance of monastic tasks. So this fall, I'm going to Tassajar into what's called a monastery, so the practice there will be people doing monastic tasks, washing dishes, sitting upright, studying scriptures, listening to talks, having discussions, swimming in a nice swimming pool. So I will swim usually on my lunch, my noon break after eating,

[18:26]

and so my vow is to swim, to perform my swimming. That will be at that time, the Buddha way transmitted by the ancestors. But other people will be doing other things, because the pool only holds about six people. And then Gikai goes on to say, even though I had heard that Buddhist ritual is Buddhism, or I would say Buddha's ritual, or Buddha's conduct is the Buddha way, in my heart I privately felt that true Buddhism must reside apart from the performance of daily monastic tasks.

[19:31]

And I think that we have that feeling like true Buddhism must exist apart from devotion to my wife. And if you feel that way, your wife may not like the Buddha way. Like, okay, I'm taking care of you, but really I've got this other thing called true Buddhism that's over here, that's not taking care of you. She doesn't like that. She wants your total attention, right? She wants you to listen to her, not half, one ear, one ear, okay, yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh, the other ear is like, what's Dogen saying? Oh, what does he say now? Oh yeah. I vow with all beings from this life on through all countless lives to hear the true Dharma. Yeah, yeah, yes dear, I'm sure. I vow to hear the true Dharma means that whatever you're listening to, you've vowed to hear the Dharma through the performance of the task of listening.

[20:46]

When you hear the owls hooting, that's your task at that time. Dogen says, I vow to hear the true Dharma. He doesn't say, I vow to hear the true Dharma in a few minutes after the owls have stopped hooting. I'm going to listen to the owls now, and then when I'm done listening to the owls, then I'll listen to the true Dharma. No, I think he means, I vow to listen to the true Dharma. That's what he vows to do, always listening to the true Dharma. I vow to listen to the true Dharma. And in doing so, no doubt will arise in me. In other words, you won't doubt that this is a moment to do that practice. You'll do it with everything you hear and everything you see. Seems to me that's what he's saying. That would mean that you would listen to your wife when she's talking to you. So she would like the retreat if you got better at listening to the true Dharma all the time.

[21:53]

But that's not easy to do. Sometimes we forget. Anyway, that's the thing that Tetsugikai said to Ejo. He thought, though, he privately felt that true Buddhism must reside apart from our daily life. That the performance of our daily life must be a little bit different from the true Buddhism, the big Buddhism of the big Buddha. Siddhartha Krishna said, I forgot exactly how he said it, but he said, you know, there may be some really profound Buddhist teaching, but I kind of like rocks. Give me a rock that I can move around a little bit,

[23:03]

or at least get my strong disciples to move around a little bit. That's what he liked, something he could work with. In other words, his work was the Buddha way for him. He knew there were some really big teachings, and he actually studied them somewhat. Anyway, so Tetsugikai thought that, and a lot of people think that, that there's this really deep teaching that's apart from our daily life. The Heart Sutra doesn't say that, though. The Heart Sutra says emptiness is form. The ultimate truth is the color of that rock and the sound of the owl. That means, not really that they're the same, but that you never have emptiness, you never have the ultimate liberating truth someplace separate from the apparent reality that you're experiencing

[24:05]

as a form, color, sound, smell, taste, touch, or thought. Emptiness is never separate from form. So take care of form, and you can see emptiness someday. Recently, however, Gikai says, the one translation is, I have changed my views. I wrote down another way, recently, however, my views have changed. I think his views changed in the communal responsiveness with Buddhas. You don't have to change your views from delusion to enlightenment. Just live together with all Buddhas and all beings, and they will change from ignorance to enlightenment.

[25:08]

In that situation, you will study thoroughly and joyfully all the great teachings. But really, they'll just be like moving rocks in the garden. You know, I was just thinking, you know, sometimes I went to the airport, San Francisco airport, and then got on an airplane and flew to Japan, got off the plane, you know, in Tokyo or some place like that, usually Tokyo, and then traveled to Kyoto or some place like that, and then go visit these lovely Zen monasteries, and then you go into the monastery, and then you go out into the courtyard, and they give you a broom and you start sweeping the ground, and they have, you know, nice little stone, stepping stones, you know, and then they have moss growing around, and bamboo trees, and nice little fences, and you sweep up the leaves, travel thousands of miles to sweep the leaves,

[26:11]

and you feel okay because you heard that that's what they do in Zen, they sweep. You know, that's Zen practice, okay, fine. Usually, you know, sometimes you go, and you go into the temple, and they sit down and they give you a talk about, you know, form is emptiness, emptiness is form, sometimes, but not very often, and besides that, they don't speak English usually very well, so even if they said it in Japanese, you might as well be sweeping the ground. But, you know, somehow, I remember a little bit some of the talks I heard in Japanese or in somewhat sort of English, I remember those talks, but I also have a real strong feeling of just being there out in the garden with the nice Japanese cultivated, sort of ancient garden, with the broom and the leaves. There's something about it that just continues to strike me as

[27:12]

a taste of reality, about the way the little bamboo broom touches the Japanese earth, and the Japanese leaves go flying into little piles, and when you're done cleaning up, it doesn't necessarily look much cleaner necessarily than when you started, there's things moved around a little bit, but somehow some intimacy with the ground occurs, and it feels like, okay, yeah, that's worth the trip. Now, when you're doing that, you might think, well, maybe there's some Buddhism aside from me being here in this garden sweeping the ground, maybe some big Buddhism someplace, maybe there is, but it really comes down to this, to this sweeping, because that's what's happening now.

[28:16]

Or, perhaps you don't believe that and you think there's something else, but that feeling of something else is based on belief in a self. If you're sweeping the ground and you believe that there's a self, then you're seeking some Buddhism someplace else, you're seeking some enlightenment someplace else than just hands on the broom handle. When there's no belief in self, there's no seeking, there's just, I got a broom, you got a broom, everybody's got to have a broom, and there's only one broom, that's for me, this broom, good old this broom, and they're going to take it away pretty soon and put it back in the rack, and then I'm not going to have a broom. Now it's my practice. Oh, my hands are like, open. But if I believe in a self,

[29:22]

I'm going to look for something else to get, or I'm going to hold on to my broom. My views have changed. He said, I now know that my daily tasks or the daily tasks and deportment, daily tasks and deportment themselves are the true Buddha way. Even if, apart from these, there is also an infinite Buddhism of the Buddhas and ancestors, still, it is the very same Buddhism. I have attained true confidence in the profound principle that apart from lifting of an arm and moving of one's leg within

[30:22]

Buddha's conduct, there can be no other reality. And again, Buddha's conduct, I like to say Buddha's conduct rather than Buddha's behavior, because the word conduct has the etymology of being led together. Buddha's conduct is not just what the Buddha is doing, Buddha's conduct is the way the Buddha and all beings are moving together. So our moving together, our deportment together, our Buddha being led together deportment, aside from that, there is no other reality. So I also mentioned

[31:24]

that the name of the ceremony of receiving the Bodhisattva precepts is called tokudo. And part of the tokudo is to receive the precepts. But the name of the ceremony is tokudo, which means touching enlightenment. We receive the precepts, thereby touching enlightenment. Touch enlightenment. Aside from this activity of receiving the precepts, from this thing we're doing, there is no other reality. It is the belief in self which thinks there's another reality, better or worse. Like some people are not receiving the precepts, they're like not so good, they're like so enlightened, they're like beyond the precepts, they're separate from us.

[32:25]

But aside from this act, aside from this doing this together with all Buddhas, there's no other reality. This is touching enlightenment. Going for refuge in the triple treasure is attaining enlightenment. Caring for the triple treasure is attaining enlightenment. Sweeping the ground is attaining enlightenment. There's no other way. We think there is because of self clinging. And receiving the pure precepts, receiving the first pure precept means you receive and practice regulations and ceremonies, that is touching enlightenment. You receive the second pure precept

[33:27]

which is to receive and practice all good, that is attaining enlightenment. You receive the third pure precept and practice it, which is embracing and sustaining all beings, that is touching enlightenment. There is not another enlightenment over and above embracing and sustaining beings when you're embracing and sustaining beings according to Dogen. And all Buddhas are doing, they're not doing anything else but embracing and sustaining beings. That's the business of Buddhas. Embrace and sustain beings. And beings, if they have any self clinging, Buddha says, how are you feeling? Because I'm clinging to this thing. I say, oh. So this is the way it goes sometimes. And then sometimes Buddha says, would you show me what it is

[34:28]

that you're clinging to? And the person says, just a second. And they look and they look and they look and they can't find it. And Buddha says, well, did you find it? And they say, no. I say, how are you feeling? I feel good. I can't really find this self. Are you sure? Totally. Great. Congratulations. At that time you kind of feel, oh, I can see I'm getting some guidance here. This is really working. Other times you may say, I don't know what this guy is talking about. Why is he asking me about this? Why is he asking me about this self? So I, I feel almost

[35:31]

my social, some social input I've gotten and I should say I'm sorry for being like I am and, you know, kind of being, giving the impression I'm pushing you to be good. I kind of feel like I shouldn't be pushing you to be good. Part of me feels like I shouldn't be pushing you to be good. And also someone told me that at another Zen center where she practiced, they don't really emphasize they just practice Zazen and the understanding is if you just sit goodness and compassion will naturally arise from your just sitting. So I kind of hear that and I think, oh, if you just aside from your devotion to your monastic task of sitting upright

[36:32]

there's no other Buddhism that all the wisdom and compassion you will attain you will touch enlightenment simply by embracing and sustaining the form of sitting. And that can be turned into we're not pushing you to be good but you should do the thing called sitting. We're pushing you to sit or we're inviting you to sit. We're inviting you to just sit and not try to do anything more than sit while you sit. Except in that Zen center or those Zen centers people don't feel any push to be good they just feel the encouragement for everybody to sit. And the understanding is Buddha's wisdom and compassion will spontaneously emerge from the sitting or even that Buddha's wisdom and compassion are already right there in the sitting for those who can see. So I don't know how

[37:35]

it got to be that there's some pushing here but it may be just because this is California and California is making a new kind of Soto Zen that's kind of pushy kind of like evangelist kind Do you want to walk for the wheel of the world? Yes, Jackie? I don't think you're pushy. I didn't say everybody thought I was pushy just some people but these people were good people that thought I was pushy. These were... It sounds like you believe them. It's not that I believe them but I'm open to their charges of me pushing to be good. I'm open to it. But when good people come and say I'm already good I don't know why you're pushing me to be good or I feel like you're pushing me to be good

[38:37]

but I think I'm already good. Yes? One difference is playfulness. Okay? I'm going to induct Buddha's department now, right? How do you do that? Listen to your wife. And if you listen to your wife in a puritanical way when she switches topics you may say, I'll listen to that but not that because you should be talking about that but not this. When you're puritanical you're not just a love slave. Right, Fred? If you're puritanical you're rigid.

[39:48]

If you're puritanical you're rigid. But in acting the Buddha way you've got to be able to flow moment by moment, you know. And Zen practice, as you know, it's like somebody travels to Japan or China and they're out there in the garden sleeping and say, okay, this is Zen practice, I never heard about this. They say, give me the broom and now let's go shopping. Let's go shopping. What? That's not Zen practice. So a puritanical American Zen student or Japanese Zen student goes to the monastery and they wind up, you know, being engaged in daily activities which maybe they didn't think were going to be the performance of the Buddha way because they had some puritanism about what the Buddha way would look like. So just naturally, it just naturally happens maybe the Zen teacher didn't even never go shopping but when these people come they just feel like we should go shopping.

[40:51]

Four shoes. And also let's go listen to some lectures given by some women Zen teachers. What? I came to listen to male Japanese Zen masters or male Chinese Zen masters. Let's go listen to some women who don't even give talks who just help us arrange flowers. What? So puritanism will show up, some sticking will occur. I think, and even being playful and willing to like give up being playful and be puritanical. You're too playful. You should be more puritanical. What? I heard Zen was being playful. Was being, you know, flexible and being able to flow with things. No flowing. Tighten up. Stiff upper lip. Don't cry.

[41:55]

And then when you attain that come on over here and cry. Come here, I'm crying, you cry with me. Come on. No! Now you understand the tridharma. And then the tears come. And it all melts away into a nice birthday party with flies on your eyes. I want to introduce you to this fly. This fly is your friend? It comes for lectures. It doesn't come at Satsang time, it comes for lectures. It sits right there in your eye. So, you know that fly that was in the turd under the elephant's foot that walked around the Buddha? This is the disciple of that fly? Does this fly have those sticky little feet that's kind of like made those

[42:57]

little tracks on your skin? See how patient she is? She's not swatting it. Like some people I know. There's two now? There's two, yeah. Yes? What I felt was coming from me watching you thank me and bow and the resonance that you were putting us in the middle of brought up to me shame, laziness. You said a few minutes ago that one of the things that might happen is seeing seeing and while I

[43:59]

intellectually know that limitations are not anything other than ideas I wonder how to determine how good to be or how much effort to make or how to work with a limitation and sort of ascertain what could be in the light of seeing this miraculous thing that you're doing with your body or that's happening with your body I don't know what you're doing but it is it took my breath away to see you kneel and put your zaga down and do those bows. So I I feel disturbed deeply and feeling my own fragility putting some comparison

[45:01]

up with part of the problem What? Comparison? Part of the problem. But it's not me understanding how to work when you're doing the comparison at that time all right is your comparing activity your mind is going compare, compare is your comparing activity an invocation of the Buddhas to come and be with you? There it is. That's the problem. You know you need to have all your daily activities your monastic tasks you know people say we didn't assign you to do the comparisons today but while you're doing your monastic tasks your mind compares you know are these people doing cleaning the place as well as I am or am I doing as well as they are you know am I moving along the tan

[46:01]

as fast you know wiping the board as fast as they are this is part of monastic tasks monastic tasks are not sitting out there separate from your body and mind you know you have to like use your mind to take a hold of the wiping cloth so your mind you know you compare whether you're gripping it according to instructions or not so is everything moment by moment inviting the Buddhas to come so if you're comparing and inviting the Buddhas to come then you're realizing this communion then you're that's there's no other Buddha way than you but then you invoking the Buddha's conduct as you're doing whatever you're doing so if you if you're comparing then do you miss that opportunity yeah so that's it that's fine and then I say well like you know I've also been quite

[47:02]

you know amazed by this leg healing it's just amazing how fast it's healing it's like I just watch it say wow it's just amazing I'm it's amazing to me how well how rapidly it's healing because it was kind of like you know there was a point there when it was like really like unhealed you know the night after the after the operation it was like it was that leg was having a real hard time you know and the next day it was like really was like terrifically different and and then I've watched the the swelling going down I just keep testing the limitation I go well can this happen and then I sometimes walking up and down stairs at first I was you know like just putting the leg down straight and using the other leg and then little by little just see if it you know so I keep testing the limit

[48:03]

but I don't I don't push too hard on those limits I just keep testing them like I'm testing the limits with you too you know like how much can I touch how much can I touch you you know before I get a feeling like that's enough stop it okay so I think for me you know working with limits means kind of like dancing with them you know put a little offer a little offer something and see what response you get offer something and see what response you get so that's what I've been doing with this leg and so it's really you know but I do not I think actually I I back away from feedback that is not appropriate all the time I surrender to limitations all the time I don't think people see that

[49:08]

I do that but I do I feel too much and I back off over and over for years and years and years I've been doing that that's part of the reason why I continue people who don't back down who push too hard those who a lot of people come to Zen Center have quit because they've made Zen practice too hard because they've pushed too hard on the limits and they just say you know Zen's too hard Sashin's too painful because they've pushed themselves too hard so after a while it's like it's just like hell thinking of going back to another Sashin but I know that I'll always you know won't make it so hard on myself so I'm not afraid to enter the fire because I know when it gets too hot I can be a wimp but although I'm a wimp for the moment I'll come back again I'm not going to give up but I'm not going to push myself too hard either

[50:08]

and with my leg I just kept testing and it just it unfolded it unfolded you know and now it's folding again and it's like it's okay and people come and say does it hurt and I look and I see well not really a little bit you know there's a thing sometimes when you move into your limits there's a little bit of a stretch a little bit of a your nervous system goes is this okay and you say well I don't know let's try it so you learn sometimes you go too far a few times I go too far but then I learn there's a mistake sometimes I don't go far enough I learn some mistakes so this is the balancing thing so I had a new limit but before this operation I had another limitation which was for 30 years I've had a torn cartilage which I've been working with I've been sitting cross-legged with a torn cartilage for 30 years and

[51:11]

you know in 19 actually it's more than 30 years I think but anyway approximately 31 or 30 over 31 years I was tamto here and I sat over there where Galen is sitting and I sat you know on the edge of the tom with my legs down when I first tore the cartilage I couldn't cross my legs and then I found I found a way to cross my legs and over the years I've been working with this torn cartilage and I found a way and now this other thing behind my knee that this little pearl which is he says two centimeters across it's almost an inch across this pearl big one that's creating this thing which I thought maybe was it was creating some problem in my sitting so I went to the doctor and did the operation but they couldn't get to the pearl but while they were looking around

[52:12]

for the pearl which they couldn't see because it was not in the knee chamber it was behind the knee chamber when they're in the knee chamber they said oh look at that cartilage there it's torn let's fix it so without actually I hadn't thought that I should have an operation to fix that torn cartilage because I was dealing with it but now that cartilage is somewhat repaired so in fact that limitation has gone away so now what will my next limitation be what will it be new limitations will come I don't know what they'll be but I know they keep coming this one goes away hello maybe a fly in my eye and the fly goes then maybe it's some other thing a challenging Zen student in my eye well

[53:32]

it's interesting you know the hands aren't flying oh, there's one sometimes your hands go ten at once and sometimes everybody's kind of quiet for a while it's interesting the rhythm of the questioning yes the question yesterday and first this question came up over and over again it wasn't a problem but I invoke Buddha in everything I'm doing and then there was this other part that likes to go into a little corner and cultivate selfish concerns so I'm wondering now is it the same I say me was invoking the Buddha and then the other self that's doing it the self doesn't

[54:33]

imagine the self and the self doesn't invoke the Buddha there isn't really a self but there is the you know misconception that there's a self there's that but and there can be a consciousness which sees that misconception and believes it and there can be a belief in that misconception and then based on that misconception we think of doing things by ourselves over in the corner we don't want Buddha there with us because we're embarrassed because we know Buddha might we don't know we're not sure Buddha would like what we're doing so we don't want to necessarily invite Buddha so when I say invite Buddha I don't mean the self invites Buddha I mean your Buddha nature invites Buddha your Buddha nature says hey Buddha come and be with me whatever I do you're always welcome to practice with me and if I'm ever doing anything that's not appropriate

[55:35]

or if there's any activities here that's not appropriate maybe if you're here you can give me a little comment like this is not appropriate come out of your own mouth you know you're doing something and again I told someone the other day this example I gave over and over it's a simple little example so it's like not exactly my absolute first job when I entered the monastery at Tassajara but it was my second job my first job was to drive a truck came out of the initiatory sitting period called Tangario and the dear work leader Dan Welch says does anybody here know how to drive trucks? and I said I do so I got in this truck which was parked on a hill facing the men's dormitory and I got in the truck

[56:36]

and you know turned it on and started driving there was no brakes so I fortunately pulled the emergency brake and stopped just before it hit the dormitory so I I did know how to drive trucks but that was where they stayed there then the next job was to repair the water lines and I went to repair the water line for the guy named Jim McGuire and I remember his name partly because there was two Jim McGuires in the same practice period but also because this thing happened between us we went and we repaired the water line and it was broken in many places so we repaired it and we went to the next place to repair the next brake and when we got to the next brake I said let's go back and repair the brake that we just repaired and he knew what I meant we both knew that we didn't really repair the previous one we just sort of did because we had several brakes to repair so

[57:38]

I went to the monastery because I wanted to invite the buddhas and ancestors and these other monks to practice with me and when you initiate yourself into that community and when you do things you kind of know a lot of the time you get a little message this is not really right this is like half hearted this is not whole hearted this is like being a little bit here and a little bit over there this is not what we came here for this is not what we came here for this is not what we came to life for we didn't come to life to do half hearted living we came to do what we're doing as the buddha way which means as the whole hearted way of practicing together with all beings that's what we're here for and when we don't do that if we invite the buddhas to be with us then we get reminded oh yeah this is like not whole hearted I went to Japan to practice zen and

[58:38]

I'm sweeping the garden and I'm wondering when am I going to be done sweeping when are we going to go into the temple and like have a real meeting with the teacher when are we going to get the tea and cookies when are we going to get up out of the garden and sit on the thong and look out the window at the garden maybe with some zen monks out there sweeping to watch our mind works like that that's the way our mind works when there's self cleaning so we go to get trained to give that up and just do this completely and we know we feel we're moved deeply when we're involved in the complete wholehearted present word thought or posture we know what that's like it's called Zazen we call it Zazen and it is enlightenment according to

[59:40]

this school it is not that you do Zazen and get enlightenment Zazen is the sitting as Buddha's sitting there's no other enlightenment it is the eating as Buddha's eating it is the sweeping as Buddha's sweeping it's not over in the corner half-heartedly doing something without Buddha it's like not even the slightest discrepancy giving up all distinctions and just being here with the whole works that's it right that's what we're here for of course everybody knows that yes I have a question in the case of the historical Buddha did not in the post-court inquiry arise from a belief in himself did not walk out of his palace

[60:40]

and witness dying people and suffering and have fear for his own self at that point and that was where the post-court inquiry came out of I think so that was one of the conditions but also there was the nature which sensed that it might be possible to become free of the suffering which he didn't completely understand at that point was based on the self-clinging he didn't really see the root cause at that point of self-clinging he hadn't understood it on the night of his enlightenment he understood that suffering is based on the self-clinging before that he had not actually understood the four noble truths he knew something about suffering but he didn't know the truth of suffering until the night of his enlightenment he knew that there was suffering and he thought that there might be a way of being free of it because he lived in

[61:40]

a country that had lots of practices for people to become free of suffering but he didn't yet see that selflessness was the key issue of ignorance it's not really from the self it's not really from the belief in self the belief in self is the condition of ignorance which is the source of suffering the actual impulse comes from wishing to be free from suffering it's not the self that wishes to be free from suffering it's Buddha that wants to be free of suffering Buddha appears in you because Buddha wants you to be free of suffering when you wish to be free of suffering that is the birth of Buddha in you that's when Buddha is surfacing when you see suffering and you feel compassion for it that's Buddha emerging in you that's your

[62:41]

Buddha nature working it's not the self that's causing the wish to be free of suffering the self just wants to keep getting control of things the self is willing to suffer indefinitely as long as it's in charge the self is just like let's reproduce make more of me let's have more of me more of me more of me it hurts but you know at least I'm powerful and in fact the self is powerful it's a power tripper it's an illusion but it's a very powerful illusion if illusions had no power they wouldn't live it is powerful but it's miserable too and there's another possibility of life without being on a power trip which is called Buddha and when we see yeah power is great you know Shakyamuni was a powerful guy good archer good horseback rider lots of nice people he was

[63:41]

going to be in charge of a big complex his father wanted to take over the family business he was a powerful person powerful self but he had a strong arising of compassion in him strong compassion that's not the self that's compassion compassion doesn't have a self compassion doesn't have a self I don't think and it's not a self it is actually the root the seed which gives rise to the Buddha realization that's the way I see it and then we have to have and then further we have we wish to have wisdom because we we see that although we

[64:41]

wish to be free there's something about the way we think in terms of self that makes us always like seeking something we're never satisfied with this broom we want to get a better broom you know like Harry Potter wants that they want the best broom this is like you know normal deluded teenagers but we wish to be free of this we're yearning to realize the end of yearning for ourself and to switch to yearning for the freedom of all beings which is happiness it's an incomplete work the freedom of all beings but it's not unhappy universal compassion isn't an unhappy state it's a happy state it feels good to really want everybody to be free that feels good but it also hurts a little bit because

[65:42]

you know it's not it hurts a little bit to see people suffer but it doesn't hurt to want them to be free and want to help them and that's the Buddha thing in you that's the Buddha thing in you that's the Buddha seed in you that drives you to realize Buddha's wisdom so any hindrance to this work will melt it's not the self that's driving this because the self can be forgotten and the process of compassion can go forward without holding on to the belief in self but if there was no belief in self there would be none of the kind of suffering that Buddhas appear in the world for so if nobody had believed in self anymore there wouldn't be any sentient beings and there wouldn't be any Buddhas but we don't have to worry about that right?

[66:42]

so far anyway yeah yeah yeah it's stuck on the image of invisible guys with shaved heads and robes and suggestions to be mentioned if it doesn't work if you can just tell me more if I could suggest what? something else a different way of at least just practice Well, one of the ways that Buddhas are, one of the ways you can feel them present is when you feel moved by your practice, when you're happy with your practice, that's the sense that they're here. Like I said, when you're pounding the drum you can't sometimes hear the singing that's going on at the same time, but sometimes you do sort of feel it, sometimes you do feel them all around you. It feels good.

[67:44]

You start to feel, you don't, you start to feel not so alone in your practice. Just like when I was reading that story, I felt not alone in my reading, I felt really enriched unexpectedly by some resonance with my former teacher. I started to think of conversations I had with him, which were like the conversations that Gikai had with Dogen. There still were bald-headed guys in the picture, but there's bald-headed guys in your life too, and sometimes you might be practicing and suddenly feel like some of the bald-headed guys who aren't invisible all the time, they're kind of with you, maybe you feel that, that even though they're on the other side of the bay sometimes, that when you're over in Berkeley that they're kind of with you, you kind of feel that, you know, that comradeship, that

[68:45]

friendship, that closeness, which doesn't have much to do with distance. You feel the communion. But if you don't invite it, you might not feel it. If you go shopping, you know, if you go sit at, I don't know, the Mediterranean still on Telegraph Avenue, if you go into one of those many lovely coffee shops in Berkeley and sit down and you don't invite the ancestors, then you might feel like you're sitting all by yourself at your chair, you know, waiting for your protein, you know, rather than, you know, you actually say, I'm going to have my protein now, but I'm inviting all the Buddhas to come with me, and somehow you feel your company, and you look around the room, because you invited the Buddhas to come, you look around the room and you feel like all these people are your brothers and sisters, you know, you feel it. This is like you start to feel it, and it feels good, and if they need your help, you're not afraid anymore, like, what if they ask to have some of my protein, what would I do?

[69:49]

You don't have to wonder, you know, but let's see if anybody comes over and asks, if they do, I can order more protein, you know, here, have mine, I'll give you some, I'll get some more. And you say, what if they run out? I'm not worried about that anymore, because you've entered this communion where you really feel like, hey, I may die today from lack of protein, but if my friends get it, I'll die happy. And, you know, they'll all say nice goodbyes to me, say, we're really sorry to see you go, you were really a good provider, you know, you really shared your protein with us, you were a great person here in our world, you really loved us, you were not a waste of life, but if you don't invite, make that invitation, you might not feel that way. If you feel that way, I think you've already invited it, but most of us need to like actually

[70:56]

welcome Buddha, welcome sentient beings, we need to do that thing called, welcome, come, come, you're welcome, please, thank you for coming, here, have a seat, have some water. We need to do these things usually to get hooked into how everything we're doing is doing that. And then after a while, every step you take is really like, come on Buddha, come on Bodhisattvas, come on all beings, here I am, I'm here in the world for you, with you, and you're here for me, we're doing this together. After a while you don't really have to say anything, you just feel like everything you do is invoking, invoking, invoking, because you listen to the teaching and it's really sunk into your bones that your daily activities are invocation, and images of bald people may not be there anymore, until you see so-called bald person, and then say, oh look, there's

[71:58]

an actual bald person rather than an invisible bald person. But sometimes it's invisible bald people. Sometimes you feel they're all, you don't see any bald people around, and some people like see bald people sitting right in front of them in their meditation, and say, okay, fine, don't get too excited about that. Some people see golden Buddhas coming over the ridge, you know, of Green Gulch or Tassajara. It's okay if you see that stuff, but I never saw anything like that. But I had seen regular people, and it was as good as seeing a Buddha, to me. Regular people, because somehow the invitation was made, the invocation was made, and therefore they were allowed, I was allowed into the realm that they were allowed into, which is

[72:59]

where we're together, and we can't see that realm really, how we're really together. It looks like we're separate, you know, it looks like we're independent, that's how it appears. This is how it appears. That's okay that it appears that way, the problem is we believe it, we think it's true. It's not true, it's a misconception. And to believe it is ignorance. So we need to train ourselves to stop believing that our separateness is true. But it helps to know that really we're in an environment that's not like that, from the start. So we in a sense have faith that really we are interdependent, we are practicing together, and that the practice of Buddhas is this way we're all practicing together, and we need to invite ourselves into that realm by inviting all beings into that realm.

[74:00]

Does that help? Okay, is that enough for now? What? Now or never, or now and never? Do you say now and never? Now and or never. May our intentions be penetrated.

[74:37]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ