I heard that when the ancestor Ehe Dogen was just a month or so away from dying, he said to one of his close students that concerning the Buddha Dharma there are ten million things which I have not yet fully understood. However, I do have the great joy of correct faith. I was thinking, I don't know what Dogen's studies would have been like if he had lived

[01:07]

longer. He died when he was 53. So I've already myself lived long more years in a way than he has, although he started studying when he was quite young. So he's got a lot of study done before he was 20. I don't know what things he would have kept studying, what teachings he would have been clarifying if he had been able to live longer. But I think that the subtleties of Dharma are inexhaustible, and one has this great opportunity of getting clearer and clearer and clearer about what is happening and how things actually aren't happening. You get clearer and clearer about how things aren't happening.

[02:08]

It's also inexhaustibly available for study. But the first thing in a way is what's your faith? And there's a number of things which I'm very interested in clarifying in terms of the teachings that have occurred in the last 2,500 years of this tradition, and even teachings before them, but I think it's good to have your faith clarified before you launch into this ocean of teachings and oceans of discussions which might occur. And I'm not telling you what your faith should be. Really, I'm not.

[03:09]

I used to. I'd do that with people, but they refused to go along with what I did. So now I don't tell you what you should believe or what you should think is important. I don't want to say to you necessarily that I know what Dogen's faith was. Or, you know, Shakyamuni's faith and Shakyamuni's realization seems to me probably, if we say he's a Buddha, they're merged. He knows what he believes and he believes what he knows. Now maybe we trust certain things, but we're not completely sure yet. But what I think Dogen's faith was, or is,

[04:18]

is it goes something like this. That the true path to enlightenment... So, he said, you know, the true path to enlightenment. So I think Dogen's faith has something to do with the true path to enlightenment. I think Dogen is, seems to me, I think and I feel, and I intuit, and I think, that Dogen's faith has something to do with the true path of enlightenment. The true path of enlightenment which entails the true path of liberation. The true path of enlightenment is to sit upright

[05:23]

in the midst of a self-fulfilling awareness. I think that, I feel that, I intuit that, and I sense that. Not completely clearly, but more and more clearly, it seems to be getting clearer, that that is his true faith. And that is becoming more and more my true faith too. And in a way I could take out the sit upright part and just say be upright. But then I could put the sit upright back in, because I think we need some ritual.

[06:27]

I think the true path to enlightenment requires a ritual. So being upright in the midst of a self-fulfilling awareness is the true path to enlightenment. I think that's my faith, and I think that's Dogen's faith. And I don't know if it's your faith. But if you have a different faith, I sincerely, because of the kind of faith I have, that I've developed, the type of faith in the self-fulfilling awareness is totally okay with people having really different types of faith. Because the self-fulfilling awareness is to understand that all the people who have different faith from you, completely support you, completely support you, and you support them. The awareness that all those who disagree with you,

[07:32]

even those who have no faith, the awareness that those who have no faith are a different faith, but they completely support you, and that you completely support them, that is the awareness which fulfills the self. And sitting in the middle of that awareness is what I believe is the true path to enlightenment. So that's why I don't want everybody to have the same faith as me. I want everyone to realize the true path to enlightenment, and yet not have the same faith as me. And that's the way it is.

[08:36]

People do not have the same faith as me. And all those people who differ from me, completely support me, and I completely support them. That's what my faith is. That's the true path to enlightenment. And I think I need to sit upright in that awareness, or stand in that awareness, or roll over in that awareness, or dance in that awareness. I need to physically enact this. It isn't just my thought. It is my thought. That's part of it. But it's also my posture, my body, my body and my voice. So then Dogen says, this is Dogen's faith, I think this is Dogen's faith, he said, when you express the Buddha's mudra,

[09:36]

or the Buddha mudra, in your three actions, in three actions, when you express the Buddha's mudra with your thought, it's one basic type of action, it's thought, with your intention, your mind is intending, in a certain way. What way? Your mind is intending towards the awareness of the Buddha mudra. What's the Buddha mudra? The Buddha mudra is how everybody is supporting everybody. Not even everybody, but how everything, how everything in the universe is supporting everything in the universe. And being supported by. The mutual, inconceivably wonderful assistance between all things

[10:41]

is the Buddha mudra. When your mind tends towards, when it thinks of that, when your body expresses that, when your voice expresses that, then the entire sky turns into enlightenment. That's Dogen's faith. The entire universe is transformed by bodies and minds and voices that express this relationship. So that's my understanding of Dogen's faith. And again, I more and more feel like that is a good way, a good expression of faith, a good,

[11:42]

a good samadhi, a good thing to concentrate on. A good samadhi, in other words, a good thing to be continuously attentive to. And it's a criterion of the meditation of so-called this school. So we sit upright in meditation, and the criterion or the standard by which you can judge what is authentic Zen meditation in this tradition, the standard is this awareness, this self-fulfilling awareness. But it's also a criterion by which everything, every time you think something, every time you say something, every time you say something to yourself or to somebody else, is it a word, is it a gesture which says

[12:42]

mutual assistance? I reach out to you and you help me reach out to you. I say good morning to you because you... I can't say good morning to you without you being there to say good morning to you. Everything I do, you help me do. Everything you do, I help you do. If we disagree, we help each other disagree. If we're afraid of each other, we help each other be afraid of each other. I don't make myself afraid, you don't make me afraid. We do it together. And Dogen also says, you know, I'm not trying to prove this to you, but anyway, he also says,

[13:45]

the thought of enlightenment, the wish to realize supreme awakening for the welfare of all beings, is not produced by yourself. It's not produced by another. Buddha doesn't... Buddha doesn't come over and tap you and make you want to become enlightened. And you don't make yourself want to become enlightened for the welfare of the world either. The wish to be... to understand the Dharma and to practice it in this world arises in the actual intimate relationship between you and Buddha. That's in that relationship it arises. It's not done by one side or the other. But when living beings and the Buddhas engage, embrace,

[14:49]

this thought arises. And then, in the continual relationship, the thought develops. And it develops by... my faith is that it develops by... centrally, at its core, it develops by remembering this... Buddha Vujo, this imperceptible, inconceivable mutual assistance that takes care of it. And then also, by meditating on this, we also come to understand things like... in substantiality, the non-separation of these beings that are helping each other.

[16:00]

The emptiness of separation between the partners which make up this movement. In substantiality, the separation between Buddhas and sentient beings. The emptiness of that separation, the emptiness of the separation between sentient beings is understood. But even before you understand the emptiness of that apparent separation, you can still have this faith. So that's why, again, even an experienced practitioner would say, I'm not completely clear in the subtleties of this emptiness of this separation between mind and object, between self and others. I haven't completely clarified this. But I have the joy of faith that this is what should be clarified. This is what needs to be clarified. And also that I don't do it by myself, because

[17:06]

that's part and parcel to what needs to be clarified. So we have this practice period now. A lot of people here at Bing Gulch practice together. In one sense, you can just... sit back and relax and be supported by everybody. A few years ago I was down in the... there's a little bay south of Paramount. I don't know if that bay's got a name. I think on the south side of that bay is Point Lobos. Is that right? Yes. Monastery Beach. Pardon? Monastery Beach. Carmel Bay. Carmel Bay is it called? Monastery Beach.

[18:09]

Yeah, there's a... Is that where Condon's back in it? Back up from it? And then Point Lobos, where they filmed Rebecca. A lot of movies they filmed on that beach. Because it looks like... it looks a little bit like the cliffs of Dover there. Anyway... I was walking along the beach there and there's a kelp that gets washed up in you and gets really thick. Out there. And there was some otters. And they were sitting in the kelp like it was a hammock. So you can kind of like just sit back and relax in this big group of practitioners. But also... And have fun. Just like the otters do. But they make a big effort too. Gotta keep their body temperature up. So they also swim around and eat fish and stuff. Feel supported and enjoyed.

[19:12]

And remember you don't have to make this practice period go all by yourself. And yet you're... You are always contributing to it. Whatever you do. That's your contribution at the moment. And then I will share with you some things I'm interested in studying. In fact, in the next class or so I'll actually talk about almost the whole range of Buddhist studies. Just to sort of give you an overview of the whole range of Buddhist studies. And I like to study various things during this time. But I want you to know that... The basic thing is your faith. And stay focused on that. In the face of people talking about Buddhism.

[20:18]

Or people talking about wars. Or people talking about natural disasters. Or people talking about human cruelty. Or natural cruelty. Or natural difficulties. All these things we live in the middle of. Each of us has the opportunity to enjoy remembering what our faith is moment by moment. And you don't have to do it all by yourself. Because here, for example, I'm here telling you to remember your faith. Even if you don't even remember what your faith is. Some people will keep asking you, what is it again? People come and talk to me, what's your faith? What's most important to you in this precious living existence?

[21:19]

So when somebody asks you, you go, hmm, oh yeah, right. Matter of fact, I was just thinking about that the other day. I was just thinking about that a few seconds ago. I thought you might ask me that. I thought about what I was going to say when you asked me. And many times I ask people that at the beginning of training sessions. And they don't know the answer. And I say, that's okay. Maybe you'll know by the end. Maybe you won't. But when you tell me what that is, then I can kind of watch it. And I think of also what Walt Whitman said, that love is the keel of the boat. I don't know what boat that is, but love is the keel. So, what do you love most? What's most important to you in this lifetime? That's also pretty much close to your fate, probably. That's most important.

[22:22]

And that's sort of like, it's your keel. He didn't say rudder, but it's also a little bit of a rudder. But it's not exactly a rudder. It's more like, it's the keel, and then the rudder is maybe your attention to that pendulum. Where you really want to be in the water right now. Not even where you want to go, but how you want to sit in the water. You may not go anywhere. And one more thing comes to my mind is that I took my grandson to a movie about some very unfortunate events. At the beginning of the movie, they had these little happy elves jumping around. And I thought, ew. It was so, you know, so sugar sweet, these little elves happily dancing around. And I stopped and I said, this guy, this lonely guy, you know, kind of like on the beach at Green Gulch, in the fog.

[23:30]

I said, if you came to see a movie like this, you should go to a different theater. This is a movie about a very sad movie. So maybe you should leave if you don't want to. If you want to see happy elves. The story is about three children to whom a number of unfortunate things have happened. They lost their parents for example. And then the guardian that they were given to was just wanted to get their inheritance. He would even kill them to get it. And at the end of the movie, the narrator says something like, you know, in this world of unfortunate events, in this world of suffering, or he would say, if you want to read stories about happy elves,

[24:35]

well, there's other books like that. But in this book, we have... I just recorded the facts, man. And the facts are that these unfortunate things happened to these kids. I'm just telling you what happened. So, listening to this story is for people who... for people who remember or know or want to know that there's always something. There's always something to invent. Maybe I should tell you. There were three kids. One kid, the older one, the older girl, she could invent things. And the boy, who was a little younger, he could read. He loved to read.

[25:36]

He read everything. And he also could remember everything he read. And the little one, who was quite a bit younger, could bite anything. And, you know, just, and did bite almost everything. So, anyway, at the end, the guy says, this is a story for people who know or want to know that there's always something to invent, to read, or to bite. And that you can always build a sanctuary. And these children have very difficult situations, but they learn together. They built a sanctuary. And anybody who... And not everybody wanted to, like, be in the sanctuary.

[26:39]

Some people would like to destroy their sanctuary. Now, anybody who wanted to come in and be in the sanctuary would be fine. They could come in and the sanctuary would include them. But some people wanted to destroy that. They wanted to destroy their sanctuary. The little tent that they made in the hovel. But even when they destroy your sanctuary, you can build a sanctuary. There's sanctuaries within sanctuaries within sanctuaries. You can always find a way to build a sanctuary. That's sort of like the subject of the movie. That's part of my faith, is that there's always a sanctuary. It may take away your teeth. It may take away your parents. It may take away your children. It may take away your skin. It may take away your brain.

[27:41]

It may take away your everything. But there's always a way to build a sanctuary. Or at least that's what I want to find, is the way that it's always there, no matter how big it gets shaken up. So, again, you know... One more is... I remember one of the early cases in the book, a little quick record. I forgot how it goes. I probably shouldn't look it up. I'll look it up. I'll try to look it up. But it sort of says, you know, something like, you know, you can get your act together pretty well, you know. You can be pretty smart or pretty pure or pretty holy. Like, you know, you can do that yourself. But what are you going to do when the big white wave comes? So I think...

[28:43]

Yeah, so... My take is like, what's the practice for the big white wave? And that's not a practice that I'm doing by myself. That's not going to hold up. That's the practice for the big white wave. And I think that's the practice of the self-fulfilling awareness. That's more than I wanted to say originally, but I think now I'm pretty complete with the moment. Is there anything you'd like to bring up today? Could you explain a little bit more about self-fulfilling awareness? Yeah. All right.

[29:46]

All right, the Chinese characters that Dogen uses. So this character means self. This character means receive. And this character means to employ or function or work. And so, an Asian person probably wouldn't do this,

[30:49]

but Western people who are learning Chinese look at this, they think, oh, self-receiving and employing. Which is nice actually, to break the compound up into two parts. So the sense of self is usually, is often anyway, appearing in your consciousness, right? I should say, it's appearing. There's often a sense of self and a sense of other, moment by moment. And a sense of me and a sense of you arises. And, so, to have the kind of awareness, which is to actually like, which at some point in your life, is to like cognize that the self that's there, you just, was given to you.

[31:50]

Or I shouldn't say not given to you, but the sense of self was given. And then, to actually like cognize that that self that was given is now, that the given self is now functioning and being used. That sort of breaks, that sort of analyzes an awareness of self that's fulfilling. Another, so the compound of these two characters could be translated as fulfilling. Another translation of the compound of the two characters of receive and employ is enjoyment. So awareness of receiving and employing of the self is an enjoyment, is an awareness of,

[32:52]

an enjoyable awareness of the self. But to be aware of the self without seeing that it's being received and employed, that's not a fulfilling way to see the self. It's an unfulfilled view of the self. And it's not an enjoyable view of the self. It's a tiring, a tiring view of the self. So, most people actually probably have this kind of awareness. Self-functioning awareness or self-employment. They've already got the self. They missed the receiving part. You've got the self, and now you've got to put the self to work. It's a burden, which, you know, you've got to deal, you have to take care of the self. The self has to take care of the self. The self has to, like, figure out what the self should do. The self has to make decisions. The self has to do the right thing.

[33:53]

The self has to talk to other selves. It's a burden. So, that's unfulfilled. That kind of awareness is the unfulfilled self-awareness. But to be aware of how the self is received and then employ this fulfilling sense of self or a enjoyable sense of self, because you don't have to, like, you know, figure out what to do with the self, because once you, once you see the self-giving, you immediately see it's employment. And then, in that awareness, that's over. You don't have a self anymore. The self has been totally used up. You're relieved. You're relieved of the self. But then there's another one that comes. There's another one delivered at some point. Again, if it's delivered,

[34:56]

and you miss the delivery, then you've got the burden. What am I going to do with this guy? But if you remember or cognize the delivery, then you see also the function. And then it's used up. The world's cleared again. And then it can be the illusion of something happening again. Okay? This is something which one can learn, actually, to see. Before you see it, one might say, okay, I'll try to listen to the teachings and I'll try to remember this. Or I'll listen to the teaching about this kind of thing. I don't quite see it yet, but I'll, you know, but I'll watch for it. I'll be ready for this relief. How does the illusion of choice work in that,

[35:56]

in these two different systems, this closed system and this open system? How does the illusion, how does the phenomenon of choice work? There's a choice to be made. Well, if you're meditating in this way, you would not be in the position of already being here, having to, like, figure out what choices you're going to make. So you wouldn't be in that position. If you're not doing this meditation, and most people do not seem to be aware that they're doing this meditation, even though this is the story of their life, they're not meditating on Buddha's story of their life, they're meditating on their own story of their life, which has not been approved by Buddha. So in their own story of their life, if I'm here all by myself and I've got to figure out what to do,

[36:57]

then they think, well, how do I make a decision, or a choice? Absolutely. So, for starters, in one case you feel burdened and stressed, in the other case you're wondering, what will the choice be? If there is going to be a choice, you wonder what it will be. It'll come to you. Choices arise. If they don't arise, then, of course, there's no other choice. But they do arise. And that's that. We've got a choice on our plate to interact with. Again, if the self's already here, then I'm pretty worried about whether this choice is going to come and whether it's going to be a good one. But if I'm in this samadhi,

[38:01]

I'm really busy, actually, receiving support from all beings to be born, and then the choice will arise. And when the choice arises, some people think that, well, if I don't make the choice all by myself, then I'm not responsible, but actually you feel like, it's more like, here's the choice! You know, it's like, let's go! I'm still responsible now that this big, round choice has arrived. Or little, tiny choice. Whatever the choice has arrived, I'm still responsible. I've got to work with this. And you do too, whether you know it or not. But this choice, it appears to me, and maybe it appears to you. I say, oh, guess what choice has just arisen? So let's work with that. So this morning, a choice arose

[39:05]

for me to put my hand in the back of your head and pull my head towards your head and touch your head with my head. A choice arose. Did I make that choice by myself? Did you make that choice by yourself? But a choice arose. And then, was I responsible for that choice? Yes. Were you? Yes. And then Maya came over and I didn't choose, but her head touched my head too. And you didn't choose either, did you? So then there wasn't a choice, but the same thing happened, pretty much. The head bumped. So in both cases, the head bumped, the one had a choice, and the other one didn't have a choice. But you could say, no, no, you guys did choose, you chose to be in the room together. No, you chose to get close enough so that your heads could bump. Yeah. But I didn't think that I chose

[40:06]

to be standing where I was standing and that she chose to walk over. But there was a choice that occurred. You could say, well, you didn't choose because you guys were there. And we were responsible. Wherever we were, we were responsible. Wherever we are, we are responsible. But... You share it with me and I share it with you. And, one more thing, the illusion is... I mean, the choice is an illusion. It's not really a choice. But it looks like it. It looks like a choice. But it's an illusion. If you analyze what a choice is, it will not hold up. You'll never find, actually, any choices. But even in the world where choices are appearing, even though you can't be found, I'm still responsible to them. Just like even in a world where beings are appearing,

[41:09]

like where I'm appearing and you're appearing, even though if I look carefully, I would not be able to find any of you or myself, I'm still responsible to all beings. And before I analyze things into ungraspability, I need to have this awareness which naturally wants to help everybody else enjoy this awareness. So this thought of meditating for the welfare of all beings that can't be found needs to be there before you can't find them anymore. Because if you can't find them and you haven't already deeply wanted to release them from their belief that they can be found, then we would have a problem. Yes? Two questions. Is the receiving and the employment, are they both in that middle pair?

[42:09]

Receiving and employment? No. This character means receiving, the next character means employment. The compound word means to enjoy or be fulfilled. And my other question is, in studying this awareness, is there discursive thought involved? And if so, what kind? Well, if you would remember the sentence, the true path of enlightenment is to sit upright in the midst of self-fulfilling awareness. Remembering that sentence is if you involve discursive thought. Yes, you need discursive thought to finish a sentence. Now, if you learn a sentence really well, and you have a feeling for the sentence, you could feel kind of the impact of the sentence in a non-discursive way. But you need the discursive thought to ingest

[43:14]

the linguistic impact of the sentence, the significance of it, you'd have to use discursive thought. But once you've got the significance, you could deal with it more as a as a non-discursive thought. This is an image. Yes. Is responsibility illusory? Is it? Yes. Right now, I do have the faith that when a tsunami would crash into our windows right now, that there would be a path of responding to it and clarifying, I think. Really? Well, I don't know about clarifying, but you definitely would respond.

[44:17]

Well, there would be only verification possible. Pardon? As long as there's consciousness that can be used. There's a possibility of verification, yes. Whether there would be or not would depend on verification. Clarification or verification. There would be the possibility of clarifying what was happening as we're smashed to the ground by certain events. And we are going to be kind of smashed to the ground by certain events. So let's get ready for the big smash that's coming. And when I say let's get ready, I mean I'd like to get ready. How about you? Charlene? How does the

[45:19]

how does recognition of the self-functioning, the story of our lives that we habitually are in, how does the recognition of that that we're there arise? How does the recognition of the story we have about our life arise? Yeah. The self-functioning without the receiving part. Well, to make a long story short, that's a good question. In other words, the question, how does the story about our life that we're operating independent of the world, how does that story arise? My short story answer to that is that's a good story. That question is a good story. And that's to some extent, tomorrow morning probably,

[46:22]

yeah, tomorrow morning, even the kitchen, does the kitchen have to leave at morning service time? Yes. They get to go to Zazen, but not morning service? No. Or noon service. So the kitchen maybe should read chapter 5 of the Sambhagyama Tantra Sutra in your spare time, or maybe you could recite it. We can do it for our service. Huh? We can do it for our service. Yeah. So anyway, tomorrow we have the first chant. ...stories arise. And it gives you the basic paradigm of false stories. So that's part of what we'll be talking about during the practice period, is how false stories arise. And even true stories are not ultimately true. But some stories are just plain wrong. Some stories that say certain things exist, which don't exist, are wrong. But some stories that say that

[47:25]

things that don't exist, don't exist, they're correct, but they're not ultimately defined. Yeah, I was wondering how we recognize the false. How you recognize it? Yeah, how does the how does the recognition of the false story arise? Well, there's again, that's there's lots of teachings about how to recognize something's false. But sometimes there's one, like for example, there's a story of and this story has what it called a tell me if this is a double entendre or not but anyway I think it was Wong Bo, I don't know yeah, Wong Bo I think was with was with Bai Zhang and Wong Bo said stir up the fighter or, you know freshen the fighter

[48:26]

something like that, is that what he said? He said, there's a cold find the cold he said, find the cold are there any live colds in the fire? Wong Bo says no, the fire has gone out and Bai Zhang went over and stirred up the fire and found some live colds so then at that time, maybe Wong Bo got to see, no, he was not correct actually his perception did not hold up so to have a, to actually have a fresh perception that something, you can actually have a fresh perception that something was not correct or, there's ways that you can see that if things were this way, that would prove if things were this way

[49:29]

that would prove the way I think things are is wrong and then if you can make things that way you can see you can see like mathematical proofs are that way sometimes you set things up such that you would be able to convince yourself or others that something was false if you could show such and such make such and such a demonstration so if you can't find, for example an independent self you have a sense that you're an independent self but you can't actually find it that might not convince you that you wouldn't be able to find it later unless we made it clear enough and you're really clear enough, it's not here then, it's not anywhere and you say, oh I'm convinced, I get it I'm not really, there's no such thing and then you're convinced that it's false and so we go through stages

[50:31]

and you hear you hear about you know, now you hear this suggestion we don't have a self that's already here we just have a constantly appearing a constant appearance of a self and this appearance arises independent of things other than itself and it doesn't keep itself going, you hear about that so when you hear about that you might say, well that's totally nonsense or you might say, well maybe that's true might be true or you might say, it's probably true or you might say, no I think it is true or you might say, I'm totally convinced it's true and you might even then say, I actually see it so these are various phases of clarifying something that we go through by study or whatever in this case, the self so again, I intend to study this with you this kind of thing

[51:32]

by studying this sutra yes you mentioned you said to sit upright and then you said well maybe to be upright and then you went back and said to sit upright and emphasize the importance of ritual yeah, the importance of ritual in terms of physical you know something visible to other people and to yourself your posture and your words visible or audible rather than just something in your mind so you might feel like you're being upright in the middle of this teaching in the awareness of this teaching and then and then someone walks up to you and then and says hello and then you might feel like

[52:33]

the way you responded to them was in accord with your awareness of this teaching or you might feel like it wasn't like as you started responding, you forgot the teaching but because you spoke or because your hand because you because your body took a certain shape you could see that you kind of lost you didn't really express this awareness in the way your body and voice responded or you might feel like oh I stayed upright I physically stood up with the person in a way of saying I'm here to meet you because you're important to me because we're interdependent and then that physical posture would express this buddha mudra but again you could have felt upright in your mind and and you might have been right because your posture might have been able to express that

[53:36]

but through body, speech and thought to express your awareness everybody does but we're talking about expressing the awareness of this buddha mudra so ritual to some extent has to do with putting it out there where other people can see it where you can see it make it physical and vocal and you know mostly physical and vocal for humans but it can also be how it smells or tastes of course physical is touch could be other sensory things too yes how is this felt or received? how? the way it's actually received is is the self

[54:36]

the self is the way you receive it self is basically a receptive event, an event of reception so the way you are right now is how you receive it and the way you are right now is the way the self is received not the slightest bit different actually so meditating on how you are not to be some other way than you are but meditating on the way you are the way how you are is meditating on how you receive it however if you haven't heard this you might not know that but it's ok if you don't know that because you already turned into the right channel and it's a little additional a little additional little touch for somebody to say now you're watching the right thing you're watching how you are

[55:39]

now just be aware that this, the way you are is something you didn't make of course it's something that's dependent on things other than the self for it to arise so now you're actually looking at how you are receiving the way you are it's a thing but it's not an additional thing that I am to how I'm receiving myself so to perceive the self is a behavior and an understanding the self is a behavior and an understanding and the understanding does not include that the self has been received and the understanding is faulty it's an unhappy understanding more or less unhappy there can be some happiness

[56:41]

for a self that doesn't understand this but there also can be there also is always stress at that point there's always some affliction and laying the seeds for affliction when you understand that but still that all beings support you to be a person who doesn't understand too well thanks a lot so all the people who don't understand are supported by all beings to not understand so you might say well but that's true too all the unenlightened beings are supported and all the enlightened beings are supported in both cases they have everybody supported but the enlightened beings who are supported by everybody tell the unenlightened people about how they see things and when the unenlightened people hear that they are supported

[57:42]

to hear that or not hear that when they don't hear it then they continue to not hear it and they continue to suffer when they do hear it then they become buddhists and everybody helps them become buddhists and everybody helps them not listen to it too but still everybody also keeps sending messages which they which they can continue with everybody's support to not listen to or listen to and forget so that's that's part of the situation that we're in which is in other words this is a story of an unfortunate situation that we're in that people do not listen to the Dharma and that they don't and that they're not under it's not that they're in control of themselves and from their own self power

[58:42]

they're not listening to the Dharma there's many conditions which are there but still even though they do not listen now there's always something to invent something to read and something to fight and you can still make it even in the middle of this unfortunate situation where they don't yet hear the Dharma you can still build a sanctuary and in that sanctuary you can hear and when somebody comes to squash your sanctuary you need to build it again where then you can hear a kind of needle sanctuary to hear that it can happen and again we could have a story about where you know that everything's fine but that's not the facts we could have a story about

[59:43]

you're all supported to be Buddha but you're not supported to not be Buddha and you're making yourself not a Buddha all by your own power no I don't think that's not the facts if that were the facts you'd never be able to be a Buddha but the fact that we're made into unenlightened beings is part of the same story by which we become enlightened beings but that's a difficult part of the story that life entails this creation of illusion including the illusion that I'm creating illusion all by myself and you have no responsibility for the illusions in my mind and I don't have any responsibility for your illusions that illusion is not made by me

[60:44]

no illusions are made by me but I'm responsible for all illusions Buddha is responsible for all illusions sentient beings are responsible for all illusions but Buddha does not shrink away from responsibility to all illusions and non-Buddhas do shrink away more or less some non-Buddhas shrink away not too much which is good they're getting closer to be ready they're a little more free yes so the happy employment of oneself is when you don't think when you understand that you're supported by all beings yes

[61:48]

the self is the self that understands that she's supported by all beings and not just that but this supported being this supported being functions she's not just sitting there supported, ok I'm supported, ok now that's great she's supported and this supported being functions as a business that's all good you were talking about that love is the key what love what is it what is love yeah love of what I I think I think love is you know

[62:53]

in its full form is an appreciation of interdependence that's basically what it is it's understanding interdependence and it's also understanding and includes understanding interdependence around people not understanding interdependence so in that case it's compassion so when you feel interdependence with Buddha, you don't feel compassion for Buddha because you don't wish Buddha's already cool but when you feel interdependent with people who are suffering you feel compassion because you want them to be free of their suffering because because there's a dependent arising of wanting to be free of of stress when we feel stress we there arises a wish to be free of it interdependent everybody helps you feel stress when you feel stress

[63:53]

and then everybody helps you want to be free of stress and if you are free of stress or whatever and you understand interdependence you want other beings who are unstressed to be free of stress but it's because you understand your relationship with them and the love is actually maybe I said understanding but the love is the way you're actually supporting beings and they're supporting you that's the actual love it's not so much a like it's the way we're supporting each other so our interdependence is in a sense our love and when we understand that the separation between beings is an illusion then the love is purified is it Sado now? Sado? is there a limit to faith? I mean is there

[64:55]

a shadow side or a way in which is there a shadow side of faith? usually maybe sometimes it might not be but usually there's a shadow side of faith well one way I mean is that even the faith that I confess to you even Dogen's faith according to my understanding which is a faith should include all other faiths still I might say well yeah yeah should include all other faiths but still those people are sort of like not really like with us they don't agree with us so those people who understand the pinnacle of rising and share with me

[65:57]

the understanding and the appreciation for teaching the pinnacle of rising these are people I really appreciate and the people who come up to me and tell me that the pinnacle of rising is a nonsense and really I do things all by myself and I'm to blame for things those people who don't share my belief are really like not in my family they're not my precious family that's the shadow side of me appreciating something that I appreciate that people share that with me because my consciousness may kind of in some sense be restricted because I appreciate something so I have to watch out for that it's one of the dimensions of consciousness is when you really focus on something and you're vulnerable to a shadow being created

[66:59]

and when you do it with other people sometimes you start to feel like you feel good that you're doing this thing together with some people and you start to feel not so good about people who are not sharing your values that's one danger of faith and faith in the sense of some value that you which you bond to together with other people yes the whole idea about being supported by everybody else and it ties into what you're saying I can buy that and feel good about that when people seem to be helping me but on the shadow side when I feel like somebody's just dumped dirt on my flower bed and I'm frustrated about that that's not the shadow side of it the frustration

[68:04]

when I feel this that's not the shadow side of it that's very much part of it that's naturally included in this but anyway it is more difficult sometimes when when when that happens like I often talk about my difficulty with gophers that make holes and not just make I don't mind the holes so much because then I can just think of it as what I call a putty dream but they make mounds around the holes so yeah so how do I mention these gophers are helping me these gophers are helping me they're aerating the soil they're aerating the soil so you don't have to do it right they're turning they're turning the soil into a trampoline it's actually just a thin layer of grass

[69:06]

it's a very springy it's very nice even before you had these versions of history you still had this challenge of like how is how is this current mound supporting me how am I born of this current eruption of wildness in my life and how can I be blissful about that I don't give you a bath you just focus on I really don't you just focus on this on the reception you focus on how am I receiving it turns out that when you're focused on that and you see not only how you receive but you watch how

[70:12]

the person who's receiving functions or the received person functions when you focus on that it is actually quite happy and relieving but you're not getting into the fulfillment and the enjoyment you're getting into trying to be aware of receiving what are you receiving from your from from hardship and shock and disturbances and torture so it's not trying to convince myself that I should be blissful because this is happening to me that feels like such a separation and it's like oh I don't feel like you should be blissful when you're not blissful no matter of fact I say to some people who torture me I say you torture me they say that's right I do

[71:14]

but you're thriving everyone knows, everyone agrees you're thriving so it's true and sometimes people physically attack me and I thought I laugh sometimes when that happens not always but I laugh sometimes because it's so fun to laugh when you're being attacked, when you're being tortured such a nice time to laugh but I don't try to laugh I just think it's how funny it is that I'm being tortured I don't try to laugh I just think it's funny it's something else family members I hope family members yes so to some extent it's like that's where it's at to understand, see Buddha sees everybody as a family member but not everybody sees family members

[72:15]

in such a way that when you're torturing them they realize that this is part of their thriving that we don't really thrive unless we're to some extent maybe tortured too much unless we're opposed and frustrated and confronted by family members we don't really thrive but we don't keep thinking thrive thrive thrive, we just face the frustration and you know try to see how you're born of the frustration this is frustrating, this is painful this is but this is my life this is my life life is coming with this this comes with life but more like life comes with this life comes with this, there's no other life I'm not getting another life over there on the side coming with something else I'm getting life with this meditating on that

[73:17]

is two thoughts in one this is not meditating on something other than what's happening this is not complaining this is not blaming this is meditating on life comes with this, life is given with this I am born of this and then also watch and then there's a way I live and act from there that's that's the basic understanding is that so present in the way I live from there that can be so painful well it's not something that is painful I don't think that is painful it's just that pain arises

[74:19]

and I'm born with this pain I'm born together with the pain by being aware that I'm born together with the pain the awareness is not painful it's just an awareness of pain well I guess seeing my behavior seeing my behavior is painful so pain arises when I see the way that I can behave and I'm in this state if I see myself behaving in a certain way and I feel pain as I see myself behaving in a certain way that can happen that's a that's a situation that's an arising and to see myself born of this pain about this activity

[75:20]

that is not painful that is so unfortunate events right unfortunate events can be something I do which is unfortunate if you say something to me and I say something back which is really unskillful that's kind of unfortunate it's unfortunate that it happened and it might even create further misfortune plus I might feel pain about it and if I like it if I respond to you unskillful and I like it and that's even more unskillful than almost anything I could do would be to like something unskillful and then liking something unskillful would lead to even greater pain so these patterns are a tale it's a tale of unfortunate events and if you want a happy story

[76:24]

you're in the wrong place yeah right so we got this story if you want a happy story you're in the wrong place or put it this way, if you want an unhappy story you're in the right place because that's the story we have now at the beginning they had these elves jumping around at first I thought it was well, it looked like it was going to be the main feature but I thought it was an ad for another movie and then so finally I thought, I guess this is the beginning of this movie but if that had gone on that would have been difficult for me to keep receiving myself with these happy elves jumping around it would have got quite difficult for me but that's the story that was happening with these happy elves with these really obnoxiously bright colors it was like the colors

[77:24]

of the candies out in the lobby this is the life that's happening and I'm born of it this is what's happening and I'm born of this and this is how I'm born that awareness is this awareness and that awareness is not painful or unpainful awareness is not painful it's the awareness of painful things it's not I'm aware of a painful thing but this isn't just awareness of painful things it's awareness of a painful if it's a painful thing that's happening there's awareness of it but there's also awareness of the Dharma teaching that the self is born in the awareness of this teaching So the path of enlightenment is born in the awareness of what's happening, as the path

[78:27]

of enlightenment, the awareness of what's happening as the path of enlightenment, and particularly how the self is born and functions in the arrival of what's happening. Yes. I'm Brian. Brian? Yeah. So when, let's say, like, you had to keep watching that movie, and it was all the happy hours. You meant I was like, I was strapped to the chair? Yeah. So physically, that's, like, how do you handle a situation that is, like, you're aware of it, and, like, that you aren't comfortable with? Do you just sit up straight, and do you concentrate on something else, or do you just take it in? Like, do you start concentrating on your breath, or something like that? That would be all right.

[79:27]

But, yeah, that would be all right. But basically, so would you concentrate on your breath, or something? Basically, if I was probably strapped in a chair, having to watch these happy hours, and so on, which is basically very similar to the ads for, you know, popcorn candy, and Coke, and popcorn, same kind of ad. I had to sit there and watch that, you know, and they came over and kept prying my eyes open, so I had to look at it. If I found myself in a situation like that, what's a true path of enlightenment? It would be to sit upright, and what they're squashing down is I couldn't sit upright, you know, it would be to be upright in this twisted position I was in, with this thought coming and being shot at me through my eyes, and this, you know, Dolby sound and all that coming in. It would be to sit upright in that, and be upright in that, and realize that the Self

[80:31]

is born of this, and the Self is being employed out of being born here, and that one could achieve enlightenment in that position, in that torture chamber. Yeah. And, you know, it might seem to go on for quite a while, but what you would come to realize is that it wasn't really going on. You know, it was constantly changing, actually. Even if they kept playing the same thing over and over again, you start to realize that actually things are changing. You start to realize you're getting older, you know, and you feel the need to go to the toilet, but you can't go to the toilet because you're strapped in with children. Other things would start happening. Life would keep... And you start to notice that, and you start to feel more and more fulfilled, trapped

[81:32]

in the situation. And you realize there's always something to invent. There's always something to read. There's always something to bite. There's always a sanctuary to be built right in this torture chamber. And following your breath might be, you know, following your breath might be part of the way, part of the surface of your sanctuary. There's many materials you can use. You can invent lots of things to build your sanctuary. Whatever's at hand, basically. But is that enough this morning? Yes? One short question. What was the name of the movie? I think it was called A Series of Unfortunate Events. Somebody snickered. Somebody snickered. Somebody snickered is the non-declurer of the person who writes the stories, the books

[82:36]

that this movie is based on. Pardon? Maybe double-bill it with cockroach orange. Cockroach orange. It gets strapped to a chair or something. I didn't see it, but I read about it. He's forced to watch unpleasant things in his eyes. While listening to baseball. It's cute. While I was having this terrible poison oak event, I realized, I said to myself, I'm not my regular self. I'm not myself. And I was, like the refrigerator was making so much noise, and I shook the refrigerator and I said, stop it. I was just crawling and itching. And I thought to myself, I'm not my regular self. And then I thought, of course. You know, this proves it.

[83:38]

In all positive conditions, there is no regular self. It's just marbles. It's just marbles.

[84:44]

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