So the Prajnaparamita is Sanskrit and one English translation is perfect wisdom or perfection of wisdom or wisdom beyond wisdom. This type of wisdom is the wisdom of the Buddhas. It's the kind of wisdom from which Buddhas are born. and it's the type of wisdom which Buddhas teach. This wisdom is taught, as I mentioned last week, it's intended for heroic spirits for the wheel of the world.

[01:02]

These heroic spirits are, in Sanskrit, we say the word bodhisattva. The Tibetan translation of bodhisattva, the way they translated it was heroes of enlightenment. Another translation, which is more literal, is enlightening beings. So this teaching, the teaching of perfect wisdom is for enlightening beings. And before, earlier today I was walking on the street and somebody pulled over and said, hey, Reb, and hi, remember me? You gave me the Bodhisattva precepts some time ago. And I said, yeah, I remember. And she said, I'm taking a class in Spanish right over there. I said, oh yeah, I've seen the Spanish classes. I'm teaching a class at the yoga room.

[02:13]

She said, oh, what's the class about? I said, it's about the roots and the fruits of perfect wisdom. She said, oh yeah, you always take on big topics. So maybe that's right that I do. I feel the big topic should not be abandoned. Somebody should take them on and bring them out. So here it is, the roots and fruits of perfect wisdom. And the roots, I talked about the roots last week. One way to talk about the root of perfect wisdom is the non-duality of living beings and Buddhas.

[03:19]

Recently someone gave me one of these robes and asked me to write on the back. What I wrote was, life or living, Buddhas, not two. So literally it says life or birth and Buddhas are not two. Sentient beings and Buddhas are not two. This is the root of wisdom. The non-duality of enlightened beings or enlightened being and living beings. From there wisdom can grow. Another root or something that sprouts from this non-duality, so this non-duality is a root and then from this root something develops which is still kind of a root

[04:35]

And that is the wish, the actual thought in a living being. So the living beings who are not separate from Buddhas can think. Not all of them, but humans, for example, can think. And they can think, I wish to realize perfect wisdom in order to benefit all beings. I aspire to that, or I feel the aspiration to realize perfect wisdom of the Buddhas for the welfare of the world. Such a wish I pay homage to, such a wish I commit to, such a wish I believe in. This aspiration If we take care of this aspiration, there's a teaching which says, if you take care of this aspiration, the aspiration will turn into reality.

[05:48]

You will realize Buddhahood. You will realize the non-duality of Buddhas and all living beings. Before I take a further step, I just want to stop here and just think with you about this, that there's this situation of the non-duality of living beings, of beings who have consciousness and who have consciousness in which worlds appear, for example, there seems to be a consciousness here in which there appears a room with people in it.

[06:51]

This is a consciousness. Perhaps you know about a consciousness like that too. And all of these consciousnesses which are in this room which are appearing in this consciousness in this room, all these consciousnesses are totally not separate from a wisdom which understands all these consciousnesses and is not bound by them and is free of everything that appears in these consciousnesses. And this this mind, this Buddha mind, which is inseparable from our minds, it has a vow. And its vow is, as I also mentioned last week, to open living beings to Buddha's wisdom.

[08:01]

And the one who wishes to open living beings to Buddha's wisdom are the ones who wish to open living beings to Buddha's wisdom are inseparable from the beings that the wish is directed towards. The being who wishes to open us to Buddha's wisdom is inseparable from us, inseparable from the beings towards whom the wish is directed, the sentient beings. And the way we're inseparable is, from the point of view of our ordinary eyes or ears, it's invisible, it's inconceivable. From the point of view of our ordinary consciousness, we cannot see how all enlightened beings are inseparable from each of us We might be able to see how we're inseparable, and that would be great, but really we can't see that either.

[09:10]

You might have a vision that we're inseparable, like... Yes, you might have an idea of that, but the actual one mind is not just an idea of how we're not separate. It's an inconceivable intimacy that cannot be grasped and cannot be avoided. We can't get away from our inseparable life. We can't get away from the non-duality of ourselves in enlightenment. We can be distracted from it. We can imagine it and think our imagination is it. We can disagree with it. But whether we agree with it or disagree with it, we're not separate from it. And from this inseparable relationship, from this intimacy with Buddhas, a thought can appear in consciousness.

[10:17]

And one of the thoughts could be, this mind is not separate from Buddha mind. That's one of the thoughts that can appear to a living being. And that thought is, yeah, so that thought is being offered here as a helpful, potentially a helpful thought to cultivate the realization of that fact. And then there's another thought which can arise, and I'm not exactly recommending the other thought, the thought of wishing to realize perfect wisdom for the welfare of beings. I'm not exactly recommending that, I'm just saying that that thought, if we care for it, we'll realize it. So that thought is something you can think of, and that thought is coming from something you can't... That thought is actually...

[11:28]

a thought, and you can think it. And it's not like a thought of something inconceivable. It's a kind of thinking. It's a psychological process. I wish for this. I aspire to that. That is a normal conscious event, but it's coming from a place that's inconceivable. So I'll stop there to see if you have any questions about what I just said or any comments on that. have to take on faith that's coming from a place that's going to be secret. But then, I am aware that that is the thought.

[12:33]

And so I have that doubt about that faith. But then, I hear that my doubt is also the thought. Yeah. So now, I really don't have the patience to put my doubt on my faith. That too can become a root cause. which is the thought you're talking about that you're wondering if you're... The wish to benefit of all beings. Yeah. So part of the reason to mention that to you is... is so that you don't think that the thought was... What do you call it? That you made it up? That you willed it? Or that somebody else willed it on you? Although somebody else has a will that that will arise in you, that will by itself is not proposed to cause the arising in you.

[13:47]

the proposal is that because you are intimate with the one who wants you to think that, it arises in you because of your intimacy. So if you doubt the intimacy, that's a sentient being. Doubting the intimacy with Buddhas is a sentient being. And a sentient being who doubts his intimacy with Buddhas if he is in his relationship with Buddhas, he can think this thought, I wish to realize Buddhahood for the welfare of all beings. Even while he doubts his intimacy, he could still think that because of the intimacy. If he takes care of that thought, which he might actually have, and he actually might doubt the thought, but he still might have it, he will realize where it came from.

[14:53]

It didn't come from Buddha. It didn't come from him. It came from his intimacy with Buddha. Because the Buddha you want to realize, I think, is not a Buddha that's separate from people. because that Buddha would not be as effective as a Buddha that's intimate, because a Buddha that's intimate can have an intimate relationship, and from the intimate relationship, the thought can arise. And taking care of that thought makes Buddhas, liberates sentient beings from delusion, makes perfect wisdom. So it's fine if you doubt the the non-duality of you and Buddhas. It's fine. Just remember that that thought is a sentient being, which I think you're saying. That doubt is a sentient being. That doubting sentient being and that doubt itself is non-dual from the one who has no doubt. The one who would have no doubt is nothing but the life of all those who have doubt and all those who have faith.

[16:03]

key thing is to take care of the aspiration. And we will go forward now to talk about how to take care of the aspiration, because taking care of the aspiration is the kind of sprout that's going to grow into perfect wisdom. And you can have as much doubt as you want in the neighborhood, as much faith as you want in the neighborhood, but we still, even with doubt and faith, or just doubt and just faith, we still have to take care of this thought of enlightenment. And we need to develop the right attitude of caring for it. And that's part of what I'm waiting to step into that until we deal a little bit more with this root. Yes? I'm saying the intimacy is inconceivable. Yeah. Yeah. Like the way I'm intimate with you, I may have some idea about the way I'm intimate with you, right? Like we see each other and we're respectful of each other.

[17:11]

That's not contradicting the intimacy. It's just that the intimacy is not that idea. It's much more, you know, it's far beyond our ideas about it. So we use the example of, you know, going out in the ocean. And you look around and it looks like a circle of water, but it's not. But it looks like a circle of water. And same, the idea of our relationship is like a circle of water in the middle of the ocean of our relationship. So, the wish for a natural place where there's enough people, is that the only thing that comes to mind when you think of it? Everything comes from an inconceivable realm. All things, all consciousnesses arise from inconceivable life process. And that inconceivable life process, which is rich beyond any conscious mind that could ever touch it, also supports an inconceivable cognitive process.

[18:24]

And part of that inconceivable life process is that the perfectly wise ones are perfectly intimate with the perfectly unwise ones. And they make an effort to try to demonstrate to us how that's so, but they also show us how to cultivate a certain type of thought that will come to fruit as understanding the inconceivable. We can understand the inconceivable but not with our conscious mind. Understanding the conceivable liberates our conscious mind because it's in our conscious mind that we believe that our ideas of our relationships are our relationships. The perfect wisdom liberates our consciousness from the belief that our idea of our relationships is our relationships.

[19:33]

And by being very kind to our ideas of our relationships. For example, I might have an idea that you're my good friend. To being kind to that idea of our relationship, I will become liberated from the belief that that's our relationship. And if I had an unhappy idea of our relationship, I would also be liberated from that by wisdom. Any idea we have of a relationship is a highly reduced, impoverished version of our relationship. But the nice thing about it is we can think it. Charlie? it's not supposed to be that way it's not supposed to be that way supposed to be that way is another thing you can get a hold of

[20:37]

Yeah, I think I'm going to describe my next album as inconceivable. But can we stick to some conceivable things for a little bit? I'm just like getting swept away in all of this. It's inconceivable how swept away I am right now. I agree. What is conceivable? What is conceivable? Here's an example. I wish to devote my life to your welfare. which includes the best welfare for you, which means I wish to become perfectly enlightened so that I can be most helpful to you. That is simply an idea, what I just said there. And now I'll also say another idea, which is caring for that idea which I actually aspire to, caring for that idea which I aspire to, which I have a, what do you call it, an ardent feeling about.

[21:41]

I'm conceptually telling you that makes a Buddha. And then I'm also saying to you, I stopped there to say now we can move forward into how do you take care of that idea. And the way of taking care of it would be more conceivable caregiving. conceivable caregiving of this particular thought, this particular attitude, keeping it sort of upright, will produce an inconceivable state of enlightenment. Was that conceivable? Yeah. So one of the main things that I thought I might mention is that Recently at Green Gulch, we have this board that we've been hitting for years.

[22:47]

It's a board about two by three. And it's about four or five inches thick. And we call it a Han. And a Han means a board in Chinese. So we've been hitting this board. And we hit this board to call people to meditation. And just a few days ago, a couple weeks ago, it broke in two. And we actually had another one already made, ready to replace it. So I was asked to write on it. And I did. And I wrote, everyone, birth and death is a great matter. Impermanence is swift. Always be mindful of this. Don't waste time. That's a traditional thing to write on this board. And the people who are hitting it can read that while they're hitting it. So that instruction is be mindful of how rapidly things are changing, that the situation of birth and death, birth and death is another word for birth and death, is your consciousness.

[24:03]

Don't waste time with this consciousness where there's birth and death. So the first thing maybe that I just happen to be mentioning here is that if you have this aspiration, maybe one of the first things is, don't waste time. Which is kind of like, don't forget it. Or put it positively, always be mindful of this aspiration. Don't forget to be mindful of this aspiration once it arises. So that's one thing about how to take care of this aspiration, to bring it to maturity is don't waste time, don't waste this moment to remember what you want to do in this world. So step number one is don't forget what's most important.

[25:13]

And guess what step two is? Step two is conceivable. What conceivable step two might it be? Anybody? Don't waste time. If you have this thought, which I just happened to mention arises Not from you, not from me, not from Buddha, but it arises from our relationship. And how that happens, nobody knows. But it can happen. And it might have happened to some of you. And if it has, great. And if it has, then the next thing to do is take care of it. Take care of it. This is the seed of Buddhahood. Take care of it. Don't lose it. Don't waste time. Don't waste a moment when you could take care of this thought.

[26:18]

And what's the next step? Be enthusiastic about not forgetting and not wasting time. So maybe it's not the next step. Maybe it's just that sometimes when we mention this vow, like I wish from this life on throughout countless lives to hear this the truth, so that I can benefit all beings, so that I can maintain the truth, and so that the whole world and all living beings can attain freedom from suffering. We make an aspiration like that. And then the next thing that sometimes is mentioned is, however, because of our karmic consciousness, we forget it.

[27:25]

We waste time. We get distracted. So just start now for the next 40 minutes. See if you can remember this moment by moment. And you might notice that it's hard to remember even during this class when this is being brought up again and again. we say don't waste time because people are at risk of wasting time even the people who want who really do feel at some point in time at one moment they feel i do want to have an understanding that would help everyone i really would that would be great and i'd like everybody to have that and then a moment later a person like that can kind of waste the next moment and not think of it.

[28:30]

And then the next thing we say after that, if you do forget, if you do get distracted from what? From what makes Buddhas, from the seed that leads to perfect wisdom. If you do get distracted, then the next step is? Hmm? confess and repent. Confess and repent and recommit. If this thought is cared for properly, it will steadily become more and more wise and enlightened. But if we're lazy or distracted, we can lose it. However, if we notice it and we confess and repent, we will actually realize it.

[29:35]

So that's the basic picture of the process. Somehow this aspiration arises, not from me, not from you, not from Buddha, but from the fact that Buddhists are not separate from us, and the fact that we're not separate from Buddhists. This thought can arise, and when it arises, we need to take care of it, and we take care of it with various practices. But I just thought I might mention right away that one of the ways we respond to this wonderful thing is we get distracted, we forget it. And then if we did forget what's really important, then we confess that we did and we repent. We say we're sorry and then we go back to it and now we practice with it. We practice generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiasm, and concentration with this aspiration.

[30:43]

And we practice generosity, ethics, patience, diligence, and concentration with any laziness. After we confess the laziness, we then go back to the practices which we would do even if we weren't lazy. Yes, yes? Very similar, yes. Yes? Yeah, me too. Is it a grace?

[31:54]

Yes, it is. And where does the grace come from? You might think, well, grace comes from the enlightened ones. It doesn't really come from the enlightened ones. It comes from your intimacy with them. These enlightened ones cannot get away from you. And their intimacy with you is the grace of reality. The reality is that the enlightened beings understand that nobody's separate from anybody. And the enlightened beings understand that they're not separate from the people who don't understand that they're not separate. They understand they're not separate from the people who doubt non-separation. Or even they're separate from those who don't doubt it but don't believe it strongly enough not to get distracted. So some people say, well, I believe it. Okay, I got it. The Zen teaching, the Zen school is saying, the basis of the Zen school is the non-duality of sentient beings and Buddhas.

[33:02]

But I still can't remember that all the time. And the Zen school says, even if you can't remember it, there's a practice for those who can't remember it. And the ones who can't remember are not separate from the ones who can remember. So, if I might say, this wonderful person named Fred, and so many of us who come to this class, as we're approaching the class, we often remember Fred come to class with Elena, seeing Fred and Elena walking down the street on their way to this class. And now we don't get to see Fred in the same way. We see Fred with our memory now. And I would also often see Fred in the bathroom before or after class. But you know, one of the things that Fred was enthusiastic about was after he made a vow, he was enthusiastic about coming and telling me that he forgot it right away.

[34:03]

And so I named him Liberating Confession, Liberating Repentance, because he was really good at coming to me every month. Well, not every month. He would come to me frequently. Almost every time he came to me, he would tell me what we talked about last time, what he committed to last time, and how he completely forgot it. But he noticed it, and he confessed it, and this was great. was great. This was his liberation. This was our liberation. His liberation is our liberation because we're not separate from his liberation. So this is just one point I'm making now, okay? If this thought arises, don't waste time. If you do waste time, confess and repent. If you have this thought and you don't waste time, well, then it's just going to grow and grow and grow and grow if you have this thought and you get distracted and you waste time it's going to be temporarily lost just because you forgot it not because it went someplace it's just that it's a thought and when you're not thinking about it you're not thinking about it so actually remembering it means you think about it when you remember it and remembering it all the time means you think about it all the time

[35:33]

Which, that's a lot, isn't it? To always be thinking of the welfare of the world? The message from the Buddha Club is Buddhas are always thinking of the welfare of the world. How do you get to be somebody who thinks about the welfare of the world all the time? By thinking about the welfare of the world as much as you can. And then when you don't, what do you do? You say, I'm sorry, I forgot. And I'd like to go back to work now to remember to think like Buddhists think. I wish, what Buddhists think, I wish everybody would get onto the path so that they can become Buddhists. The ones who don't forget don't wish that they would remember. They just do. They wish everybody else would remember. There are more issues, but this one, this is the one I want to emphasize tonight.

[36:37]

Don't forget, but you will. Yes, Laurie? How you remember, that you remember you do what? No. It's not so much that you can know that you're working for the welfare of all beings. It's that you can notice that you wish to work for the welfare of all beings. You don't know if you're working. Bodhisattvas do not necessarily think, I'm working for the welfare of all beings. What? They aspire. Bodhisattvas are aspirational beings. They're not anthropological beings. They're not sociological beings. As a sociological being, that's a different story. But as an aspirational being, they're also a psychological being and they can notice that they forgot their aspiration.

[37:44]

But bodhisattvas do not necessarily go walk around and think, I am helping all beings. They don't necessarily think that. They might, but that's like I doubt that sentient beings and Buddhas are inseparable. That's just a thought. The aspiration is a thought too, but it's a type of thought which is what they aspire to. I aspire to actually find a way somehow, being a human being, which I am now, And whatever kind of being I would be, I aspire to consistently, continuously aspire. And also, if I get distracted or lazy or frightened or whatever, when I notice that I'm distracted, I want to do the practice of confessing I got distracted and saying I'm sorry if I do feel sorry, and I probably will, and then find the aspiration again. And those things you can know about.

[38:48]

You can know your distraction and you can also know that you wish for something. But you don't know if you're helping people because even if people say, you know, sometimes people say to you, Laurie, that was really helpful. And then the bodhisattva says, I hear you. And sometimes people say the bodhisattva, you know, that really wasn't helpful, and the bodhisattva listens to that. Avalokiteshvara listens to these various cries, like, that was helpful, Avalokiteshvara, that was not, you're a good bodhisattva, you're a below-average bodhisattva. Avalokiteshvara listens to all that, but doesn't say, well, that's true or false. I really want to work for the welfare of the person I'm listening to. But who knows what that is? And who knows what listening is? I don't even know what listening is. But I want to do it. I don't know what the listening of the bodhisattva infinite compassion is, but I aspire to it.

[39:58]

And the bodhisattva I've heard... that the bodhisattva of infinite compassion aspired to be a bodhisattva of infinite compassion for over and over and over and over, and they became that. So we aspire to this, and then the teaching is, it's not just if you aspire to it, you will become it. If you aspire to it and take care of the aspiration, And so one way to take your aspiration is to think the aspiration. Another way is, if you notice you got distracted, to confess and repent. And then another way, which I'll mention now, if you're ready for another way, is be vigilant while you're aspiring and watch out for any expectation of reward for this aspiration.

[41:02]

This is another way to take care of it along with not forgetting it and repenting and confessing when you do forget it. Then when it's there, when you have it in mind or in heart, when you've got this aspiration, then watch out and see, do you expect anything for this? Like, do you think that if this happens or that happens means that you're doing it right? If you do, just say, okay, I hear that, but watch out for that because that's a distraction. That's a, yeah, that's something, just be kind to those thoughts, but don't get tricked by them. Does that make sense? If you do take care of this, some people probably will come up to you and say, it's great that you have that thought.

[42:04]

You're just the most, you're one of the best people around here. And then you might think, hey, maybe I'm practicing, maybe I'm doing okay. Not only do people say that, but some of the people who say it to me are pretty high quality people. You know, watch out for that. Watch out for any kind of expectation of gain or fame. I was talking to some people recently about, you know, I don't know what, so famous religious people, if other religious people get to hang out with them, then they might get famous too. Like some religious practitioners, hey, I was hanging out with Dalai Lama yesterday. And Dalai Lama might say, I was hanging out with President Obama yesterday. You know, I went to visit Pope John Paul in Carmel back in 1987, and they took a picture of me shaking hands with him, and I put the picture on the wall at an old abode.

[43:17]

And some people say, you know, do you have that picture up there, you know, to make people think that you're... pretty great bodhisattva. So what should I do with the picture? Should I put it in a file? Should I burn it? But I appreciate, you know, I welcome anybody saying, are you thinking that your association with certain people means something about your practice? And when I hear that, I want to hear that. I want to listen to that. And even if you don't say that to me, I want to look in my own heart and my own mind and say, am I using something that I think or feel as justification or proof that I'm doing the practice right? And if I do, then I say, I confess and repent.

[44:22]

Because that's a distraction. That's forgetting That's forgetting the aspiration. The aspiration is not that I'm going to get, that my aspiration is going to get verified. But I might get, that thought might arise. Lisa and Kim? Just stretching, scratching. Are you scratching? You're... Don't be afraid to move. Yes? You want to say I work at it?

[45:23]

Yeah. . Nobody's ever what? . Yeah, yeah. So when someone says, Kim, you're really a great sailor, you know, or then you might think, oh, somebody called me a great sailor. I hear that. That's what I hear. but i'm not like getting into like that's true or false and then you might say from that place of not grasping that appreciation of you as being somebody who's on the great boat you might say i aspire to that i aspire to what you said about me it's not it's not like i

[46:52]

I accept, I listened, I heard you. I generously welcomed your kind comment on me. And now, I'll mention to you, I aspire to what you said about me. I want to be the way you said I am. You can also say that if you want to. You can say, by the way, I'm not that way all the time. But you don't actually have to say that. You might not have to say that if you receive it in a way that doesn't mean that you agreed with what they said. They can kind of tell that they said, Kim, you're a really good person. They can kind of tell that you listened to it without necessarily saying, yes, I am. They can kind of see that, maybe the way you say, oh, yeah, I aspire to that. Like, I've heard about that before. Kim, you're a really nice person. And Kim says, yeah, nice person.

[47:58]

That's a really great idea. I want to do that. So they can kind of feel that to you it's what they reminded you of your aspiration rather than you agreed that that's the way you are. And if you do it that way, they'll probably go, wow, that was cool. I said she was good, and she didn't say she wasn't. She didn't say she was. She just said, I want that. What I thought she was doing, she aspires to. And maybe the reason why she's that way has something to do with that she aspires to it. Maybe if I would aspire to it, I would become somebody who, when people give her compliments, she doesn't think that's about them. She thinks that's about a way of life that she aspires to. So it's quite subtle, you see. So you don't deny it. Again, you know, usually if you give a talk, if you give a teaching, not too often do people come and say, that was really a bad talk.

[49:03]

They don't usually do it in Buddhist circles. You know, people are more polite. So they often come and tell you the people who talk to you are the people who think that they can say something pleasant. And then you listen to that. Actually, a lot of people find a middle way where they come to me and they say, you know, the song you sang at the end was good. It's not exactly a put-down. but it's kind of like a way to say, it's not about you, but isn't it wonderful? It's not about you, but isn't it wonderful? And it's not about somebody else, isn't it wonderful? It's about us. And it's not just about us, it's about the non-duality of us and Buddhas. It's about how our life together is actually enlightenment.

[50:08]

And you reminded me of that. And when I tell you that, you say, I aspire to that. That it's not about me, it's about us. And not just about us, but about how we're inconceivably inseparable. And how we, because of that, we want to help everybody. But again, again, when people, some little thing can happen and we can get distracted. Like we can even think, I don't want to help that person. But then the next moment we say, wow, that's amazing that I could think that. This is not what I aspire to. Most people don't have to aspire to not wanting to help some people. Most people don't aspire to that. They just do that. Right? Some exceptions to that. So I mentioned, take care of the aspiration.

[51:18]

This is the root of perfect wisdom. Try to remember it. If you forget, even if you forget, even if you've been forgetting a lot for the rest of your life, vow to remember. So like the great Zen teacher Dogen says, even if you've been wasting a lot of time up till now, for the rest of your life, make this vow. I vow from this life on throughout countless lives to hear the true Dharma. That upon hearing it, I aspire to not doubt it. And when I meet it, I will be able to renounce worldly affairs. What are worldly affairs? They're ways of relating to this vow, which forget it, expect something of it, and so on.

[52:26]

I aspire to get to a place where nothing will distract me from this. And when that's the case, that's what realizes the enlightenment of the whole earth and all living beings. And then you make that vow. Even if you've wasted a lot of time, make that vow. The ancestors are saying, even if you've wasted a lot of time, make this vow. And then after that he says, however, because of your background, you're going to forget it. right after you made it. If you've wasted time, make the vow. If you've made the vow, you'll probably waste some time. But if you do, then there's a practice for that. So we go round and round. And this is the... true color of pure practice, this is the true mind of faith, the true body of faith, to make the aspiration and to notice when you slip up and to confess and say you're sorry and make the aspiration again.

[53:52]

This is the roots And then these other practices which I've talked to you about, along with the aspiration. Watch out and watch out for gain, expectation of something, along with this. And having people think that you're doing this practice, including you. So again, you can be doing the practice without walking around thinking, I'm doing the practice, which is what Laurie said. How would you know if you were? So don't be concerned about walking around saying, I'm doing the practice, or be concerned about other people say, he's doing the practice. Aspire to it and take care of the aspiration. So I'll just stop there and see if that's quite clear. So it's not just trying to get you people to think that I'm doing this and spread the word.

[55:05]

He's taking care of that great aspiration. It's not about just that. It's also for me to not be going around saying, I'm doing this, but for me to remember to aspire to it, to make the vow and see if I can find ways of making the vow no matter what I'm thinking no matter who I'm looking at, to develop that art. Just like, you know, an artist who never forgets her art. She's looking at people. She's looking at dogs. She's looking at potatoes. She's looking at cars. She's looking at the road. She's always thinking of her art. And people like that maybe need an attendant to make sure they don't, you know, start massaging moving trucks. Yes? You see the forces of karma interfering with the vow, yeah?

[56:16]

I mean, there is part of me that gets cut back with this stuff, and I don't do a lot of the stuff that I used to do that would be destructed from the town. But there's still part of me, the replication that happens, that I find myself too pulled away from the practice. Yeah. Right. And then what is the practice for a situation like that? No, first confess that you got pulled. Confess that you got pulled away from the practice and then see how you feel and see if you feel regret. Sadness is kind of like repentance. Repentance means basically the first word that's used to translate it, to define it in English, is sorrow. But it's a type of sorrow that reforms you in the direction of what you're sorry, in a direction of giving up what you're sorry about.

[57:39]

Yeah. And when there's a loss of intimacy, it feels what? Flat. Yeah, so then confess flat. I confess flat and I feel regret about flat. I'm not aspiring to flat. And then flat or something else besides flat. There's other possibilities besides flat. But most of the things that follow from, there's a wide variety, there's many ways to get distracted from the one thing. And then there's a wide variety of ways you can feel about the many ways of being distracted. So there's going to be a lot of opportunities for quite a variety of different ways of different things to confess and different types of sorrow and embarrassment

[58:47]

and remorse, and so on. And that's part of the practice, the true practice, is those kinds of things. And the other part is, taking care of this aspiration, another part of it is, don't expect that you'll be able to take care of it. Don't be uptight about it. Being uptight about it is not appropriate to it. We should be relaxed with this vial. That will facilitate caring for it if you relax with it. So if some people say to you, hey, let's go take some really unwholesome drugs. Or let's go sell drugs to children. What? OK, OK, OK. OK. Let's go get some cupcakes.

[59:51]

Let's go get some cupcakes. Let's go to some of those. Maybe just let's go to get some cupcakes or let's get some cupcakes from some high quality Berkeley bakeries. No, no, not that gross. Not that gross. Let's just get cupcakes from Safeway. Huh? Yeah. Anyway, let's go get something like that. And then if you see, oh, oh, oh, I'm going to lose my bodhisattva vow if I'm not careful with that invitation. If you feel uptight with it, then you haven't even got to the story yet. You haven't even agreed or disagreed. You just noticed you're tensing up. And when you tense up, you just got distracted, right? So even before you said, yes, I'll go with you, or even before you said, no, I'm not going to go with you. So if they invite you for the cupcakes, it's possible to say no and not get distracted.

[60:59]

And it's possible to say yes and not get distracted. It's possible to say yes, and what that means is, I vowed to live my life for the welfare of all beings. That's what yes means. No matter what you say, you've learned that what's coming out of your mouth is Cupcake Buddha. And Cupcake Buddha can be no Cupcake Buddha, yes Cupcake Buddha. Not holding it even. Don't hold it. Aspire to it. Holding to it again is like, oh, I'm the Bodhisattva who can say yes to the cupcake, you know. Or I'm the bodhisattva who says no to the cupcake. Like that story in Being Upright about the woman who was supporting the monk. She built a meditation hut for him and she gave him food for quite a while.

[62:09]

And at some point she thought, I think I'm going to test him to see how he's doing. How's this bodhisattva doing? So she sent this girl who was kind of feeling, you know, a lot of sexual desire. She sent this girl to go visit him. And she went to see him and he, you know, and she, even though he was an old man, she She was kind of like, you know, like, ugh, you know? And he could see it. And he said something like, you know, this situation's got nothing for you, my dear. And the girl went back and I think she felt somewhat put down or whatever. She went back and told the old woman, I don't think she said to the girl, go make a pass at him. I think she just said, go see him. But just the way she was, you know, in this reproductive mode, I think he kind of put her down.

[63:18]

So I think she says, just go see him and then come back and tell me how he's doing. And she came back, probably said, well, you hurt my feelings, you know, huh? Yeah, I feel like a cold stone. You'll get nothing from this cold stone or whatever. And she kicked him out and burned his hut down. She felt the, you know, here she was, you know, trying to deal with all this. And he was not showing her his bodhisattva spirit. He was kind of holding on to his, I'm not going to get distracted by you. peach, peach that you are. Juicy, juicy peach. Oozing sweetness. I'm not going to go for that. So, yeah, so that, this is the, we want to develop, train our minds so that if people invite us to have cupcakes or even invite us to do something extreme,

[64:21]

we can say the same thing, basically. I aspire to the welfare of all beings. I aspire to perfect wisdom. But we don't say it that way because that's kind of esoteric. But we might say, OK. Or no, no thanks. And they can feel it. They can feel that what we're really concerned about is perfect wisdom. And we know how to take care of that wish, which is that we don't expect it to take any particular form. Yes? . And what I fear about the flatness of destructions, for me, is more like this vowel now.

[65:32]

It's like whack-a-mole. The piece coming up. This vowel is like what? Whack-a-mole. Whack-a-mole. Do you ever do whack-a-mole? No. It's again at the surface where moles pop up, not holes. Oh, you whack-a-mole. As you whack the mole, none of it pops up over here. Yeah. So the vowel feels like whack-a-mole sometimes. is arising, and the distractions that previously were poking away are flat, getting a cupcake, going to the movie. I used to just lose myself in a movie. I can't lose myself in a movie. But I love popping up in a movie. So there's a resistance to the vow. And the distractions of the task feel flat. And some of the loss I feel is for the distraction, which I attached to or distraction. And so the loss I'm feeling is that loss.

[66:35]

There's a resistance, and then you feel some loss. And what is the loss? Loss. The loss is for the efficacy of the distraction. The distractions are less efficacious. And you miss the efficaciousness. That doesn't work either. Yeah, so it's 9.15, but I just briefly say at this point that part, another way to take care of the vow is to practice grieving. Grieving the change that's happened of the golden, some golden things, some golden effects of some distractions that they're not

[67:40]

They're not that way anymore. And the process is wanting you to just let go of the fact of what they used to be and be ready for the next stage, the next phase of the practice. But some part of you is holding on still, it sounds like, usually, to the way distractions used to work. And so, but if in the process wants you to move forward, but it can see there's some drag because there's some kind of maybe physical holding to the way things used to be, even though they weren't necessarily good, there's still some just resistance to the change. So grieving is another aspect of the moving forward on this process. But we can talk more about that next time, maybe, if we bring it up again.

[68:42]

But thank you very much for, I think it sounds like you're both a little bit grieving the way some things used to, some of the merit of distractions from before. Sorry about that. Good luck on letting go. I think many other people probably know what you're talking about. Except, you know, like a two-year-old doesn't know what you're talking about. Thank you very much. Oh, Yoga Rinpoche, you're offering me? Oh, thank you. It's cupcakes. Oh, my God. Is it actually cupcakes? No, they didn't arrive.

[69:45]

Oh. Thank you. So this is a flower. And underneath is blueberries. And I wasn't expecting them. And I would... I'd like to say thank you. If anyone wants some blueberries, please come and help take them into your body.

[70:11]

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