in a poem that I'd like to focus on during this talk and it is in the subtle round mouth of the pivot the spiritual works. Turn. that this poem celebrates a story, which is also a meditation instruction, about the celebration of breathing.

[01:16]

And the word celebrate means to frequent or frequently or to visit again and again. And it's a story about a teacher who says he's always meditating on his breathing. That when breathing in, he doesn't dwell in body and mind. And when breathing out, he doesn't get entangled in myriad circumstances. So the pivot there, there's many places where the pivot is. The pivot is in every place. You might particularly look at the place where the inhale, turns into the exhale.

[02:29]

Or the exhale turns into the inhale. There's a pivot there. And in that subtle roundness where your breath changes moment by moment, and in particular maybe where it turns from exhaling to inhaling, There's an opportunity there to observe the spirit, the activity of spirit turning. Spirit means breath, you know. The root of the word spirit is breath. So by watching your breath turn, you watch your spirit. at the same time and to watch that without without sinking down into the process but to stay with the flowing part of the process that's what I'd like to focus on this morning

[03:53]

Another way to talk about this pivot is to describe it as the place or the point where delusion turns into enlightenment. And also where enlightenment turns into delusion. Or perhaps I could say, let's focus at the place where delusion and enlightenment dance. They dance together. Where is the place where delusion and enlightenment dance? According to the tradition of the Buddha teaching that comes down through the Zen master Dogen, the place where enlightenment and illusion dance is oneself.

[05:36]

to witness myriad things, to witness and act upon myriad things while carrying oneself is Delusion. To witness and act upon oneself. in the advent of all things is enlightenment.

[07:00]

Not in quotes. So spoke the Zen master named Dogen. To carry one self. And to witness all things. To witness your breath. To witness your posture. To witness your friends. To witness the mountains and the rivers and the sky and the animals and the sun and the grass. To carry a self and witness these things. To carry a self and act upon these things. Such is, quotes, delusion.

[08:06]

To live with this burden of one self and act upon and see things is, quotes, delusion. It quotes delusion because there is no such thing as what I just told you about. There is no walking around with one's self and acting upon things. But if you want to know what delusion is, this is what it is. It's a kind of dream. We dream of having a self and then we act and witness things from there. This is the world of the dream. the unsustainable, the unsubstantiable, the unsubstantiated world of, quotes, delusion. To witness yourself, not carry yourself, but to witness yourself as all things come forward, to see yourself as all things coming forward, to witness that,

[09:25]

To witness yourself born in the advent of all things. To witness one self, which means yourself, which means also one self. To witness that all things come forward and create one self. All things come forward and create one self all over this room. One self, one self, one self, one self. They create me. All things create you. To see that. To see that and to witness it and to act from there is enlightenment. And you can see then that enlightenment and delusion dance. They take hold of each other's hands at the self, at one self. Enlightenment pivots on self. Delusion pivots, turns and dances on the self.

[10:27]

The difference is, in one case, you carry this pivot forward with you and already have it. In the other case, you witness it being born in the arrival of everything that's happening. Not before, not after. So, Great enlightenment about delusion is Buddhas. And great delusion about enlightenment is living beings. So Buddhas and living beings also dance at the same place. One's looking at enlightenment and misunderstanding it. The other is looking at delusion and understanding it. So the reversal, the turning that we enter into, is to shift, to try to approach our life as a Buddha.

[11:36]

Not thinking that you're a Buddha, but looking at what Buddhas look at. What do Buddhas look at? They don't look at enlightenment, because you can't look at enlightenment, but you can look at delusion. It can be an object. They study it and they awaken in the midst of this delusion. and they meet all living beings at that place. There is a symbol a symbol which has been used in some horrible context.

[12:39]

It's a symbol which we call the swastika. And of course we don't know... Oh, exactly. No one really knows where this came from. But one theory is that it's The spastika is a cross, like a vertical and a horizontal line crossed. And at the top of one line is heaven, and at the bottom of the same line is hell. The vertical line is heaven and hell, you could say. And the horizontal line is perhaps human existence and animal existence, anyway. some pole like that, and then you spin this wheel, you spin this cross, and as it spins, it leaves a trail as it spins and creates the form of a swastika, symbolizing how living beings go from heaven to hell, how they go from birth to death, how they go from animal to human and back, how existence turns and turns on itself.

[13:54]

And in this turning world, which is symbolized by this spastika, Buddha's activity comes forth. And it is this urgency. It is an urgent desire to help beings who are caught in this cycle. The reason that this urgency arises is because Buddhas are inseparable from all living beings. Because Buddha is witnessing how one's self is born in the advent, the coming forth of all other living beings.

[15:10]

And I just saw, I was looking through a book, and I saw, I wrote in the back of a book a while ago, a quote from the French poet Valray. He said something like, genius is and is only to find, actually to be forced to find, relationships between things that have no apparent connection. So you, it's not necessarily, it's not enlightenment to feel, all the things you feel connected to now, that's fine, but that's not enlightenment. Enlightenment's when you, or genius I should say, is when you feel connected to those things that you can't see your connection, when you suddenly feel connected to your enemies. to the people who you don't feel connection to, to the things that you don't see when they come forth, you don't see them giving birth to you.

[16:24]

You don't see yourself in the advent of some things. You don't see the connection between yourself and some things. Just like right now, it's invisible. It's invisible. You know, there's Buddhas, right? And you may say, what do you mean, right? I don't see any Buddhas. There's Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. There's beneficent enlightened beings who are conveying unlimited kindness and beneficence towards each of us right now. All Buddhas that have been interviewed have always said that they were always, they never stopped sending the best wishes to all beings. They never took a break and they never made an exception.

[17:31]

They were always sending it to everybody. And not only are each one of them sending, giving everything to each one of us, but all of them are giving everything to each one of us. That's what they say. And as far as I know, I've heard no other news from the Buddhas. I never heard of a Buddha saying, well, actually, we did make one exception one time. There was one person we just somehow, we didn't think that person was worthy of our unlimited kindness and beneficence. And the reason was because they had a tattoo on their earlobe. I never heard of that. But you can't see that with your eyes.

[18:42]

or hear that necessarily with your ears. Now, sometimes people hear it, and they feel very happy. But they don't really hear with their ear. Actually, when they check, they say, well, I actually wasn't with my ear, even though... And sometimes people look up in the sky, and there's a big gold or silver writing. Sometimes it's in English. Sometimes it's in Chinese. Sometimes it's in Tibetan. Sanskrit. These people look up in the sky, and there's a big sign saying, I love you, signed Buddha. Or like the Heart Sutra, you know, is written in the sky just for that person. Or a whole bunch of, you know, you've heard all these stories of these angels in the sky or, you know, just tons of Buddhas up there looking down at you saying, you always were my family. You always were my child. I'm glad you finally looked up and saw it. or looked down and saw it.

[19:43]

Sometimes it's in the mud. There's a place where this stuff is revealed and it's at this pivot. It's at this pivot where delusion and enlightenment dance. Another expression from another poem celebrating another Zen story is the pearl in the bowl rolls of itself. This place where delusion appears and enlightenment lives, it's this pearl and it's always turning of itself.

[20:52]

So when we hear this kind of talk, we might think that we should stop ourselves from carrying the self forward and confirming and practicing all things. But that would just be the same thing again. That would just be carrying yourself forward to stop yourself from carrying yourself forward. It's more a matter of being honest. And actually noticing to what extent we do carry a self around. And how we bring it forward. And how we, based on holding that self and carrying that self, how we act from there. And how we see things from there. Just honestly admit it if that's what's going on. That brings you right to the point. where enlightenment is born. That is what Buddhas are watching.

[22:03]

They're watching delusion. They're watching the human mind carrying a self and from that self witnessing the world. This is the same as To watch this place is the same as to observe suffering beings. And to watch this place, this point, with eyes of compassion, accumulates an ocean of happiness beyond measure. Someone told someone else about someone else.

[23:24]

Someone told someone about a relationship that they knew about. And the person who heard about this relationship said, oh, that reminds me of the second movement of Beethoven's piano concerto number four. piano concerto number four. Second movement, andante con moto. What does that mean? Andante con moto. Well, moving along with, moving along softly? No. Anyway, andante con moto, whatever it means. Moving along with something. With moto. Huh? So moving along with Motto. So the person said that listen to the symphony, listen to the concerto with the orchestra being the persona and the piano being the self.

[24:33]

So I listened to the orchestra and the piano. The persona, the face, you know. Me. Or whatever. Me. I don't know. Whatever. So I listen. And so it starts with the orchestra. Something like... I don't know if I can do it, but something like... But it's not... Anyway, it's not... It wasn't that one. That's the fifth symphony. That's also orchestra. Maybe that's persona too. You know, the Sanskrit word for suchness, for the way things are, is ta-ta-ta.

[25:39]

And the Pali is da-da-da. Da-da-da-da. But that's like, anyway, it's a dynamic. It can be like that. That's maybe the face. So it started out with a very strong orchestra, very beautiful, very beautiful. And then the piano came. I can't do it. But it was so sweet. So sweet. So gentle. So fresh. And you know, if you hadn't had the orchestra before, it still would have been sweet. But in relationship to that powerful presentation,

[26:43]

It was all the more sweet and all the more fresh. We have to walk around with a face unless we're really, I don't know what. By walking, by watching, how we carry around this face. Watch it, watch it, watch it. Watch how it works. You can see the point where it ends. And this beautiful, not beautiful, it is beautiful, yes, but it's not beautiful like beautiful and ugly beautiful. It's fresh. It's very subtle, the place where the face turns into one's self that is born of all things. the self that is born of the orchestra, the piano note that comes right after the great orchestra, the great orchestra, and then ding.

[27:53]

to witness oneself in the advent. So listening to that concerto, you can listen to it When I heard the orchestra, I thought it was beautiful. But when I heard the piano, I thought, that's my true heart. But I can't have that true heart without the context of the face. It's still a pretty good... The piano's good by itself, but in context, it is transcendent. We had a wonderful Zen teacher visiting us for a few days.

[29:25]

He just left this morning. And he's almost 70 years old. He'll be 70 years old this year. And he said, last night or yesterday sometime, he said, about almost 50 years ago, I went to a special set of lectures. given by Kishizawa Iyan Roshi. Sugen Roshi is the teacher that was just visiting here. But when he was, I guess, about 20 years old, he went to hear lectures given by Kishizawa Iyan Roshi, who was also the teacher of our founder, Suzuki Roshi. And he said he listened to lectures for a week about... you know, the transmission of Dharma in the Zen school called Soto.

[30:29]

And he said he can't remember anything now of what Kishisawa Roshi said. And actually that's because he didn't understand anything at the time. But then he said, actually I do remember one thing that he said, one phrase of Ion Roshi. And that was, we must have the mind of an infant. If we lose this mind, we cannot become Buddha. Sounds kind of new age, doesn't it, the point about the child? But it's important that it's not a child, it's an infant.

[31:36]

It's not a three-year-old or a two-year-old. No, it's mine. I don't need help. Get away. No, it's not that one. It's an infant. Most of us do still have that two-year-old mind. And especially it comes out when you're practicing Zen. And the teacher suggests something that doesn't quite work with your program. Which is fine. We reenact, that's part of it, we reenact two years old, three years old, and so on. That's fine. But we also need this infant mind. The infant mind. The mind that just wants to be close to mother. that just wants to receive the kindness which is dripping there for it that reaches out and wants to be close Soto Zen has this wonderful teaching but the heart of it is that we are Buddhist children

[32:52]

And we want to be close. We want to be close to that place where the spiritual work turns and where Buddha is born in the midst of our delusion. We want to be close to that very fresh, sweet, piano self. We want to witness that and act from that sweet note in the midst of and all that, which won't go away, except in the sense that it always goes away and comes back, perhaps in a worse form. But the worse it gets, the sweeter the self that's born in the midst of the worst. this point is very subtle it's always turning it's very elusive and if we try to settle with that place where the world turns into us and we turn into the world where we use the world and the world uses us, that pivot

[34:53]

where we switch from you thinking about the world to the world thinking through you. That place is very subtle, very elusive. And as we meditate on it, we might, as we try to become clearer about it, it's quite natural that we'll feel some frustration. It's so intense that our lazy modes maybe feel rebuffed and shaken by the intensity of this dynamic process of life by the dynamic process by which all things give us life and the dynamic process by which we try to get a hold of things and become deluded it's very hard for us to settle calmly with this process it's easy for us to be frustrated so I would say if you try to meditate on this point, on this pivot and you feel frustrated frustration I would say is normal it's normal a million trillion times but I just encourage myself and you to be patient with that frustration just tell yourself this is normal I've heard many stories about great Buddhist teachers and disciples who have felt the same frustration at this same point

[36:22]

Just be patient with it. Don't get angry. Don't say, this is too hard. It's stupid. I got better things to do. Or any kind of that kind of like... Actually, if you really did get tremendously angry, that might be okay. Like total rage. I hate this practice. It would be better than, this isn't worth my time. Or I'm not good enough. Or... Try to stay calm if you feel frustration with settling into this place. If you're quiet, then you open up to this pivot. But then as you open up to it, it becomes more dynamic. And again, you have to get quieter to stay with it. And if you are quieter... it opens up more of its dynamic quality to you and then you have to get quieter and more still to find a place in the middle of this tremendous change that doesn't move and doesn't stalk.

[37:37]

So the frustration in being thrown off is normal but you don't have to get angry about it and then you can come back in again. Rilke says something like, beauty is the beginning of a terror which we can still just barely stand. This place has a terrific beauty. It's not beauty according to anybody's idea of beauty. living, pulsating, ungraspable terrifying beauty. It's terrifying to the face. But it's the beginning of that terror and you can still stand it.

[38:45]

And in the next moment, there's another beginning of the terror, of a new terror, which again you can stand or sit with. this turning point causes life and causes death it causes life to be life and death to be death at this point in this dynamic place it's not necessarily large

[40:11]

or small. It's a beauty beyond any qualification and that's also terrifying to our face. It just sets us free. It just is our freedom. Talking about this point, Dogen Zenji says, life is just like riding in a boat. You raise the sails and you row with the oars. Although you row, the boat gives you a ride.

[41:12]

And without the boat, no one could ride. But, You're riding in the boat. And you're riding in the boat makes the boat a boat. Investigate such a moment as this. Concentrate on this precise point where you make the world the world but where you could not be here without the world. concentrate on this point, this dynamic pivot of the spiritual activity. Just at such a moment, there is nothing but the world of the boat. The sky, the water, the shore are all the boat's world, which is not the same

[42:22]

as the world that is not the boats. When you ride in the boat, your body and mind and the environment together are the whole works of the boat. The entire earth and the entire sky are both the whole works of the boat. Thus life is nothing but you. And you are nothing but life. That's it. And now it's not anymore. So how can we get intimate with this place? We need to have the mind of that infant.

[43:24]

We need to find the part of ourselves that's reaching out for this place, that knows this is where the invisible compassion and beneficence of enlightenment touches us. We have to give ourselves completely to what's happening right under our nose. Sometimes when we reach out to another person, if we reach out to a teacher, we may feel ashamed.

[44:33]

Who am I to reach out to have a relationship with this person I trust? I'm not worthy to be Buddha's baby. Now, if Buddha is actually helping me right now, I must be Buddha's baby. If all living beings are giving me life right now, I must be Buddha's baby. But it's hard to find a place where I'm not proud of my close relationship or ashamed and therefore stay away. So sometimes we feel, I'm not good enough to have a relationship with such a wonderful person or being.

[45:50]

or that person is not good enough for me. If you think the world was there before you, maybe you think, well, I'm not good enough for it. If you think you were there first, you might think it's not good enough for you. But the world is not there before you, and you're not there before the world. We arise together, all of us. Always we arrive together. But again, we veer off into being proud that we're with the big program or being ashamed and not feeling like we can be with the big program.

[46:52]

Or be ashamed that we winced or shrunk back from it. very hard to meet anybody on the path to just meet somebody and just be there not too much or too little to just witness yourself that's born in the advent of the other person it's very hard to be there that way so again forgive yourself and try again with every person you meet. Like Buddha would make no exceptions. And with every breath you meet the same. And with every step you take

[47:58]

with every thought that is born in your mind. In other words, all things, myriad things that are coming forth. So here we are walking around this pivot, this place where Buddhas dance with living beings, where enlightenment dances with delusion, where we make the boat and the boat makes us focus on this point, meditate on this precise point.

[49:15]

with a mind like an infant. I have some lyrics here for a song. For me, it's kind of a springtime song because it has daffodils in it. I first heard this song when I was 12 years old.

[50:41]

I saw it in a movie. I heard it in a movie. I saw someone singing it on the screen. I can't remember who it was that was singing it whether it was Annie Oakley or Buffalo Bill one of the two I see them standing on a hill on a sunny spring day and the hills covered with daffodils like today so I'll tell you the words and then you can sing it if you want Maybe I'll sing it quietly and then you can learn it and then you can sing it together. Once I had a secret love that lived inside the heart of me.

[51:47]

All too soon that secret love became impatient to be free. So I Hold a friendly star The way that dreamers often do Just how wonderful you are And why I'm so in love with you Now I shouted from the highest hill Even told the golden dad Now my heart's an open door, my secret love's no secret anymore. You must have a heart like an infant to sing this song.

[53:05]

You must be a fool. An idiot. But that's our way. Foolish enough to want to help all living beings be free. How foolish. How stupid. But that's the Bodhisattva way. Ready? Once I had a secret love that lived inside the heart of me. All too soon that secret love began Inpatient to be free So I told a friendly star The way that dreamers often do Just how wonderful you are And why I'm so in love with you

[54:29]

Now I shouted from the highest hill, even told the golden daffodils. Now my heart's an open book door. My secret love's no secret anymore. I know that was too slow. Maybe next time we can do it faster. You ready to practice now? OK, let's do it. May our intention.

[55:23]

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