by revealing and disclosing i lack of faith and practice
before the buddha's
we melt away the root of transgressions by the power of confession and repentance

by revealing and disclosing
our lack of faith in practice we receive
what does it say we receive inconceivable help him
profound how we received profound help but another translation would be we receive inconceivable help

and one were chatting just now i said
we perceive
profound help
i said that but that's not necessarily so because
the help you perceive is
deeper than that produced the help we receive is deeper than we can perceive so you may perceive if you practice confession repentance you may perceive some help
but also your will receive a i help which is too deep to perceive to
two grand to be a perception
and yet i'm i mistakenly said perceive profound help
perceive the imperceptible help

but butter in a way you can perceive
the imperceptible help
in the form of
continuing the practice
so when you when you practice confession repentance you can perceive your confession and repentance
and so you're perceiving the help the help is you're being helped to confess and repent

you can't see how you're being help but that's that's a way you can perceive it
also
this ceremony which we do it the beginning of the talks of saying our name and have everyone recognize our name recognize our name and saying back to us that ceremony is a
his realization
of our true
our true home or true family
where we express ourselves with the support of all beings
and all beings express themselves
with our support

i'm in the process of hug
kind of in a way
creating books the way they used to long time ago which was
students of the dharma
would teach it diamond teachers would teach the dharma and then the the audience would
remember and write it down and they would make scriptures out of the talks
like the bullet didn't want didn't read
the talk to judges put i just spoke than people remembered it and eventually they wrote them down
so now i'm i'm speaking with the intention of making a book about
zen training about bodhisattva training

how'd you feel about me
giving talks for the sake of the creation of a book
it's okay

you listening for the sake recruiting
so the way i am is that i don't really have anything to say unless i'm talking to somebody

so without you i really can't give this talk without you there won't be a book

and
there's already a large number of
talks that have been transcribed and edited talks which i offered to people and they've been transcribed and edited and now they're all about zen training
and they these talks come from like decades ago
so this system and then the i was presented with all this work i thought how can we
what would embrace them all in such a way that they make a coherent book rather than talk after talk
and then the thought arose in my mind of a way to do that
which was to use a parable from the lotus sutra
the great mahayana sutra
to use a parable from this search or which is pretty big
this is i think a hand written version of it
and in this kind of large scripture
there is a parable and the parable in a way i thought would be a good on
structure
also say a good trellis or arbor to grow
to put all these different teachings about practice within this within this story

so i have been i've been telling you this story for two months and this is the third third time
and
so some of you've heard this story before
and some of you
have not
the gene hasn't heard to have you
it's actually again it's a parable

and the parable is in in the scripture in the sutures his parables offered by the buddha's disciples
and these disciples
i've just been informed by their teacher that they are going to become buddhas
and they didn't know that before the bullet told them
they were they were devoted disciples and they were wise devoted disciples but it never occurred to them that were on the path to become
unsurpassed bushes and the buddha says you are on the path your this isn't your president attainment isn't the end of the story you're going to go far beyond
your present sage hood to become buddhas
all of you
and they were very happy to hear this it was very enlivening and inspiring to them and they are filled with joy
they were filled with joy because they receive something that they had never received before

what see karen could you read this parable
would you feel comfortable reading it

wear your sunglasses
now if she did
if maybe you could come and put your chair here so you can talk in that direction

so the disciples are very happy and they want to tell the buddha how they feel and in order to show the buddha how they feel they're going to do it by telling this by time parable

or honored one we now wish to speak this parable with words to clarify this mean suppose there was a man who was young in years who also for saving his father i'm running off run on another country
know we will return or twenty or as much as fifty years not only did he grow and he was also reduced destitution running about in our for directions in questo of him
at long last and is wandering he accidentally headed to work his native land his father who preceded him and who have sought his son without finding him and stopped midway in a certain city
the father's house was great and rich treasures and jewels and measurable gold and silver by to or year and her amber instead and other tools his treasure houses were filled to overflowing he had many servants systems vassals elephants and for
mrs carriages and chairs awesome and shape without number
the profits have flown in and out fellow around and also merchants and ten or characters were very numerous
at that time the course i'm having visited various settlements and past their kingdoms metropolises at last great start city where his father and mother were staying here we're thinking of their son were already been more than fifty years since a party for him yeah we're not without meant
in such matters to others they always thought to themselves their hearts heartburn regret resentments all the new credit we have much full of the sober and many precious gems which are charging houses are filled to overflowing well we have no son one day we shall die
i and our richest when we scattered
when we shall have no into to be queen from for this reason we are earnestly and constantly recalling her son i guess they thought we should get us onto the pitches which to be commonly how and have no further cares
the world at one at that time before son hiking and sometimes as a labor
by chance reached his father's house for stopping by the sign a song distance his father seated k now with you
he's he's found his way back to his parents okay to read this part little slower he's come back to worse he's found his he stumbled upon his parents
and i seeing his parents k
he saw in the distance is five seated on a lying through his feet resting on a jewel for still wrong shop is and householders all deferential the surrounding him
his body adorned with pearl necklaces value in her thousands of myriads attended on his left and right my vassals and servants holding white feather investors in their hands covered by a jewel canopy from which flower banners were hanging down
the ground round him sprinkle with celtic water and string with many outstanding flowers with rose and precious objects and were given and receive upon entering and leaving having ensure various adornments of this store whereby he appeared mo
most majestic and distinguished
as soon as the poor son had seen his father is great power straightway harboring grave fear he regretted having come to this place on privately we thought
this is either a king or the equal of king but at any rate this is no place for me to hire out my linger and or anything in that thing for me to do is to go to a poor village were there will be room for me to use my strength to the fullest and more food and clothing
will be easy to obtain if i stay long in this place and the coerce to work and maybe enslaved
when he had had this thought he quickly ran off at that time the great and wealthy man from his line from seeing his son and greatly pleased at heart state five my treasure and treasure houses now have someone to they can be cool
yea i'm constantly fun his child but had no way of seeing him then quite suddenly he came but his own accord for fell in my house
were i was decrepit and agent still i was eager for an air and i'm reluctant to die
actually the tend to her father began them and bring him that the messenger ran quickly went and overtook him the poor son was alarm and cried out resentful i have committed no offence why have i been seized the messenger grasping him all more firmly
forced him to return with him
at that time the poor child thought to himself
i am guiltless and yeah have been sees his surely that's we must i die all the more terrified helpless with any he fell to earth
seeing this room for the father said i do not want this man do not force him to come with you in sprinkler him with water by him to but spoke to him no more
what is the reason her father knew that your child's ambitions were mean and knew that he himself being rich and powerful would be a source of trouble to his child
he knew perfectly well with this was his child but for reasons of expediency would not tell others this is my child the messenger said to the sun
i am now in if i hadn't been to let go wherever you wish
of course on rejoiced having gained something he never have before rising from the ground he went to a poor village fair to seek food and clothing
at that time the great man and wishing to entice his chair devised an expedient he secretly dispatched two men whose appearance was miserable and who had no dignity affair saying to them
you may go to that place and say jump to that poor person there is a workplace here to which we shall we happen you
if the poor child degrees
right
ryan dunn and put to work if he asks why we wish him to do you say you are being hired to sweep away down we too shall also work with you
at that time for to messenger sought out for course on directly when they had found him they told him the abarth in detail
the for on the first in first time her pen is a then swept the dominant them the father seeing his son was struck by both pig and amazement
then on another day through a window father side of the sun we can remain seated wasted away grimy and with the dirt and dust straightway he removed his necklaces his fine our garments and is
and put on instead a ralph lauren dirty garment and smearing dust over his body cook in his right hand a dumb shovel
now free from an appearance he just addressed his workmen he men were you may not slacken by this beans and traveling to approach his child
then he addressed the child saying on my dear work here always and do not go anywhere else i will increase in wages whatever you need whether pottery vessels rice and noodles salt and vinegar or that sort of thing not trouble yourself in favour it for i
i have other servants age and decrepit whose needs i supply and who can well afford to put their minds at ease i am like your father have no more cares what is the reason i am all my years of courage while you are young and vigorous
whenever you work you are never guilty of lying or cheating of anger or resentment or hateful words i have never seen you guilty of these evils as or the other workers from now on you shall be like my own son
straightway a great man gave him a new and calls him his son gives me some point out right there
bodhisattva initiation ceremony and
he implied by that host bill interchange
the precepts
the new name and your now buddhists child
the poor child although delighted by this treatment if before continued this before so called himself a lovely allow we work on from elsewhere
for this reason he was kept possibly it were cleaning away done at the end of this time he had complete confidence in himself and came and went down anxiety yeah he was lodged in the same place before
well of one at that time the great man was taken ill i didn't himself as he was to die before long he addressed his poor child saying i now have much gold and silver and many precious jewels with which my treasure houses are filled to overflowing you are
to find out what their as much or little their what is to be taken in and one is to be given out such a my thighs and you are to understand like me what is the reason is that you are mine are hard not to be different you are to exercise care
and to not let anything at last guest stop their bliss
i'm
so now he's telling the sun
you and i are the same
you would like this i'm like this way i am is where you are the way you are as the way i am
and i want you to stay here and take care of this
and then from there further training comes
so he's actually like recognize him
the equality of the great man and a humble man and from that position a new practice will start now
at that time the poor son receiving his instructions sport straight when he took charge a multitude of things that gold and silver precious jewels and the several charging houses yet he had no craving first so much as a single meal
but continue to live this before in the same place still unable to put on islam thoughts
then when some time has passed the father knew his son had a length become more ease than having achieved great ambition he was ashamed of his former stay in mine
when facing his end the old man commended his son to get other his kinsmen as well as kings
shop is and householders who are altogether together than the father himself proclaimed to now serves know that this is my son he got them i mean have you forsaken me in such and such as sydney and went on he suffered moment mr merchant for more than
fifty years his original name was so on so my own name is person so formerly and my native city affected by inquiries as i've sought my child some time ago that i encountered him by accident and but you got this really is my stomach
i really hone his father
now all the treasure i have a lost my child what was formerly paid out d in my son was in awe
we're allowing one at this time the poor child hearing the father's words straightway vigils greatly and having gained something never have before then he thought formerly i have no thought of seeking or expecting anything and now these treasure houses and come to me so
well

thank you for reading

i would encourage you to read that
i'm in one of the many translations of the lotus sutra to read it yourself ah
to become familiar with disturbing
now in the first talk i gave i talked about
something that's not really
hi i expanded on the situation the original situation of this child living with his parents
i talked about what this original home is
and i suggested basically that this original home our original true home is
imperceptible mutual assistance between our life and the entire universe

and we way project on this original home
this imperceptible original home we project our mind projects are perceptible home
which we act which we work with
but deep down in our being we yearn to realize our original home
and so as part of the as part of the process of becoming buddha which the disciples have found out about we leave our perceptible home and go wandering looking for our
true home
so the second talk the first talk was about the original home and our need to leave it
not leave it with the need to leave are perceptible home in order to realize are imperceptible home
and then are wandering in various perceptible grounds trying to find it
and the more we wander trying to find it by our own searching and seeking the more destitute and out of touch would become with our original home
and then by chance we will all find we will all come into contact with our original home again
and i should i take it back it's not that we will become contact we will see some perception which will make us realize that we need some kind of training in order to realize what we're looking for
and that's what i was gonna talk about today
the part of the the part of the parable i'm talking about today is the part where he meets his father
he cannot face the sit at the reality of the situation that this that this is his family that this is his home you can't deal with them
so he's given something else to deal with which he can deal with which is shoveling done
that he that he can do he can perceive dung he can work and shovel it and he can shovel it and shovel it
then he can receive pay for it and they can accept the pay
and by dealing with the done he becomes more and more confident
of what i'm dealing with done
and the more competent we are with dealing with done
the more we are ready to accept
are imperceptible original home
so in the story you see he he does accept the position of shoveling dong he's happy to have it and it works hard and little by little
he can accept more responsibility and more responsibility
and finally he can accept
you know ah
being offered the opportunity to go up into the house the treasure house and to live there and work there
but
the part of the
the beginning of the training is a temporary training it's not the long term open ended training
it just goes on for like in this case it in this in the parable it just goes on for twenty years
or thirty years or forty years of what dung shoveling and after that we have the confidence to enter into
the work which is open ended which has no end
which is open ended and inconceivable but we need to do this dung shoveling phase the temporary
perceptible
training

so my case
i i left my perceptible home and when wandering
and i thought well maybe i'll wander over to the university of minnesota
maybe while i'm wandering in the university i'll find
i'll find where i want where i find my right my right livelihood i'll find my work
i'll find what i really want to do i didn't know what i want to do but i knew i wanted to do something with my life
i knew i i knew i had to leave my perceptible home had gone
looking for my true
profession
my true occupation my true vocation
and so i worked shoveling dong and the university
and then in that process in those eight years at the university i saw i saw
i got a perception
of the imperceptible
i saw images of present practitioners
i saw perceptible versions of the inconceivable
true home of all beings
and i was i said that's what i want
i want to do that i want to be like those monks
but how could i be like those marks
i want to be like those zen practitioners
who gave me kind of like
a glimmering of what i was looking for
but how could i be like that
and then after some time contemplating and wondering about that
it came to me that these people were not that way
it just by good fortune they all went through a training process
and the training process had quite a bit of variety but it also had some ah
some
god some shared quality and the shared quality was to use the human body and mind
for sitting still and quiet and upright together with others who sit still and quiet and upright this is the dung shuffling
that i saw
so i started to do that dung shoveling
however
i had trouble
in this case the dung shoveling i was doing i would nobody was paying me for
and also i didn't have any coworkers
so my dung shoveling was kind of
irregular and i sensed that this
this training
really should be like daily
if not hourly
and then i thought
maybe if i was with
ha
a group of people that were doing it it would become more regular and also it might be good to have a teacher for in this training so i went to a place where there was a community and there was a teacher and the training did become
more regular
and of course that was good fortune it was good fortune to be able to enter the training
however i still wasn't ready
i i hadn't even heard about
that actually
i had this true home
about the inconceivable wealth of our true home
that wasn't
that wasn't in my awareness
my conscious awareness
but i did want to be like these things i could see these human beings who could respond in this wondrous way because they had trained
in this in this program

i i in some sense i was trying to become
like those people and i was doing the training
to become like those people who had done the training
i did not i was not seeking enlightenment i was seeking becoming a certain kind of person

and i guess i had the sense that dealing with myself the way i'm now
was the training of becoming the person i wanted to be again i thought in a sense without having this image that shoveling dawn
what helped me become who i really am
and there was there was done to shovel
but with a support
of our buildings i was able to continued
to shovel done
and the thought and part of the dog was the thought of rising in my mind
what am i doing you know just sitting here shoveling done dealing with my body and mind
i'm not accomplishing anything other than being here dealing with my life

other people were like you know got accomplishing things becoming really good at this or that
i was just dealing with being me
this is it occurred to me it's a strange thing for a young man to be doing just sitting and living in a community dealing with himself and dealing with his relationships with others that's all i was doing

when i was hurt and then i just stop there than it did occur to me that was unusual
and
so i did slip into actually
trying to get something what you know here i'm just dealing with my life
the know so i thought well maybe i could like try to get something and there were served there are rumors started i started to notice rumors in the community of people who are shoveling done with me some rumors about know some kind of like something you can get out of dog show like maybe somewhat you could become somewhat wealthy perhaps
or pernod
right re rise in the hierarchy of dung shoulders or something
so i started to see images of
of of a hierarchy of dung shoulders

like there was there was the people who countered their breath they were at the bottom of the hierarchy
then there were people who followed their breath they were a little higher
and then there were the people who like just sack there were the highest
so there was some sense of like hey there's an opportunity to make things more interesting rather than just sitting here and during the training you could also like obtained some fame many are some get get something out of this
and i also could hear other little comments like don't slip into what i just don't don't get into like climbing the hierarchy of this ends of the and community don't do that that's not appropriate and yet people were talking about doing that very thing

and so part of part of like moving up the hierarchy would be able to do the lowest stage really well
to get really good accounting your breath so rather than just sitting there
i actually tried to get really good at counting my breath
i tried to gain
a high level of skill in breath counting

this actually is not the training
it's more like a rig regression into wandering around like a wandering around looking for to get something
but it happens or even watch the training starts he still slip back into maybe your own contrivances
to get something even though you know the training is to train and just shoveling was happening just dealing with what's happening that's the training
the training is not to become the leader of the john shoulders
but that human impulse to become the leader of the best dumb shoulder arises among the dung shufflers
which is not really discussed so much in this story but in a way it's implied when the father comes and tells him that he hasn't been doing that
you know you have not been trying to get a get anything for yourself you've just been diligent and doing it to work
and because you haven't been
you're just like me
because i haven't been either
trying to get anything because i already have everything but you but you know you have not been able to accept that you are to have everything
so i gave you something to work on
were you know where you would get your livelihood
but you didn't turn that into like
at getting anything more than just enough food and shelter to continue the work of dung shoveling
and i just recently remembered
i think maybe my first dogs on with suzuki roshi where i'm sitting in front of him and he said something like
i think he said some your breath is quite natural or your breathing quite naturally
but the way said it was like well that's the way to breathe you know you're breathing the way you should breathe naturally he didn't say
do this technique or that technique he didn't say get better at breathing
didn't say get better at counting your bread there he just saved your breathing quite naturally
and this just a few days ago i realized he told me right then he told me right then in my first dogs on
that i was breathing naturally and that's all i had to do it just keep breathing naturally
this is before i got into get getting getting really good at a breathing and counting
but i didn't notice said he was telling me you're just like me i've read naturally to i'm just like you i didn't i didn't understand he sang you are or you know you are my child
you're what i'm here for the way you breathe is what i'm here for
the way i breathe is what i'm here for the way we're breathing together is what we're here for i didn't understand no i do

however
as i tried it as i tried to get good economy my breath
which is discussed in his new book
i did get in a way
modern or i didn't exactly get good at it i got obsessive about it i got myself under control so that i could follow my breath and counted without missing a beat
i thought that would be
i've got i've got been good at counting your breaths would be that you had actually would count it and you wouldn't do anything else and you would never lose count and i didn't and when i finally arrived at that place i realized this is not right this is not what i came for this is not what i want
so i gave up that kind of practice
and kind of went back to breathing naturally
and i've been kind of breathing naturally since

in other words i slipped from dung shoveling into
getting my dung shoveling under control
and then i get i saw that went and gave up trying to be in control of the dung shoveling and just naturally shoveling dawn
and when i became more dangerous a priest zucker she gave me a name
i'm part of my name is naturally real
just being who you are
is shoveling done
but it's an open ended process it isn't just like a shovel one
load of done and then you're done just do it ongoingly
naturally be yourself
and then there is awkward but then there are other
two other things that there's a variety endless variety of done
and then can you just keep shoveling it
yeah
without basically trying to get anything other than just be able to continue the practice so you need food and shelter and you have it but the purpose of it
i would say is to continue shoveling or you could say the purpose of shoveling is to get food and shelter it's a cycle food shelter shoveling food shelter shuffling
endless practice
breathing naturally sitting naturally walking naturally
but in the process when certain kinds of don't come up maybe you get caught by it and think oh
i should get something out of this
i should become better at this
then other people
i should get approval for this or something like that
but that's more dung to shovel

but
so on
i am
i just got this feeling that we didn't give a very good talk today
and you share responsibility for
and i do too of course
so i think maybe hour i might try again next time

this kind of practice ah again the dung shoveling does not require
that you try to get something from it
it does not require that you
try to get it done
but part of the dung is dealing with not only the dung itself but parts of game come up while you're shoveling done
some part of the work is to to deal with that
and when you actually do with a long enough
you may be ready for a teaching
which is not about gaining anything
but about realizing that you have nothing to game because you already have everything
you have nothing again because you already are everything
you have nothing again because you're in your true and original home
which is complete and perfect
but we need to gwyn ourselves from this
low economists have seen it from the story there's kind of low view of ourself which is that we did this law of view of ourself is that we do not include the whole universe
and we are not included in the whole universe as a low view of ourselves

we we we can eventually start opening into practices which are
given to us from the perspective of our original home
we realize we are just like the buddha and a buddhist just like us where we contemplate we are just like the buddha and the buddha is like us
we are thus in the buddha has thus
but to do those practices we need to be able to be kind to the impulses
the gain something
or you know or to be something other than what we are

so since one of the main forms of done to shovel to deal with is the is this attitude
that were separate
from complete perfect enlightenment that were separate from the perfect but away
and again we don't deny or get rid of those attitudes we shuffle them and we shove them with practices
of compassion
which are dung shoveling techniques

yes

hocus timeless
no perceptible
perception
my office like is an app something to get
there been times where i i know
see
but apart from what a gang or not gay okay
he suggests it just
i don't have to work
kersey or is and versa
sometimes perception to me same such as not just cautious
ah well i agree you don't have to worry however
worry is loud
so you don't have to worry but you know it's an option for you
and ah
you
you said something about you are receiving d c receiving you're receiving what
oh you're receiving drew a home young and in true home you're also giving true home in our true own were receiving and giving
whether you perceive it or not that's the case now i'm using perception in a kind of technical way meaning that you make this imperceptible process is process which is heart heat the conscious mind cannot say
see how the whole universe
is giving rise to it and how it gives rise to the whole universe the conscious mind cannot actually comprehend that
that is incomprehensible
the concrete the conscious mind has coherent appearances in it
perceptions which allow us to get something the conscious mind is involved getting something
so it might get a perception of how it's receiving and giving but that's a narrow version of how we're actually receiving and giving and whether we perceive that were receiving and giving or not we still are
so you may have some sense some knowing
oh how your
receiving the whole universe
and given to the whole universe you may have some knowing of that
but that knowing his is very quiet compared to the way you know perceptions
dude perceived that they're not supported by the universe and that they don't support the universe and this is the sense this is the this is the way we become when we wander around looking for our true home on our own for a long time that's how i'd become destitute
and we do not believe
that the
inconceivable resources of the universe
art
just for us and just for everybody else and how we are just for the inconceivable considerable resources we
we lose the ability to accept that version of our life
but by training with are perceptible version of our life we more and more open
to the inconceivable imperceptible reality of our life
which we know all along
but we know it in a really different way than we consciously know
we know something that cannot be grasped
but we know it and ungraspable mode
so we are receiving and giving all the time
and we want to realize that
because his part of the whole story and i like the whole reality of our life is that

by the way in the back of the room a person named homer have raised her hand and i said to her earlier today i said welcome home
ah
welcome home ha
i'm
yes home ah there's my home

hi u nh
hi
the niche you're questioning the nature of life and then you said if the nature of life is perceptible and i would just say right there a nature of life is perceptible and imperceptible the nature of life is that the perceptible and an imperceptible our interviews that
it's the nature of life
the way our life is imperceptibly according with all of their life is imperceptible by definition but we also perceive the way were related and the way we perceive that were related and the way we're related that we cannot perceive but are two different ways that were really
good okay were related by perception and by it an imperceptible relationship and those two our interviews that also
cannot be grasped but it can be enacted and at the beginning of this talk saying our names and having other people say our names is an exercise in enacting acting the imperceptible
which you can perceive you can perceive the person's name you can perceive your own name you can say it you can hear it other people say it other people are here and and say it that is a ritual enactment of the imperceptible which we can perceive
our true life is not just imperceptible it's not just imperceptible
it's not just the way we
include all beings and all beings include does it's also that we make up stories of not including bags and not being included that's also part of our life
true nature is that those two are in conversation all the time that's our true home attacked your nature
sorry

you're given perceptions yes

he he
see
i wonder
all

for ages

no it does not perceptions don't just come they also go
perceptions come and go
is
so

in asia
not the nature of life is not that the new it's not that the nature of life is coming and going but the nature of consciousness he is coming and going consciousness has this arising and ceasing it's not that the nature of life his birth and death
f k once again person death is not the nature of life is just part of life
so part of life his birth and death and birth and death round and round another part of life is no birth no death
and those to the no birth nor death part of life and the birth and death part of life
they are in conversation always
so what comes and goes is in conversation with what does not come or go
and we can contemplate what comes and goes
and by effort will if we're able to contemplate what comes and goes like perceptions coming and knowing if we contemplate them
purely that means we contemplate them generously and carefully and patiently if we contemplate what our perceptions which come and go in that way we become more and more
integrated with what does not come and go
which has already integrated with the coming and going but afford an odd kind of the coming and going
we
we have not yet integrated the coming and going with but not coming and going
so the coming and going on perceptions for example
it's already integrated with not coming and going of perceptions for example
but if we're not kind to what comes and goes we closed the door on the integration of what comes and goes and what does not come and go the integrations already there
but if we don't practice compassion towards our perceptions
we're not yet ready to realize
this interferes one
yes
i think it was in july
he said sample i
and i i find it something i can find it easier to act of compassion maybe those who are an officer nerves me
and you
but i prefer will be a slightly he said something like
t
i think that the phrases the ultimate familiarity ultimate familiarity is almost like empty
to see
to seek outside yourself is heart rending
so in the story
the young man is seeking outside himself for what for his true home
he's seeking his true home outside of where he is and it's heart rending and it becomes more and more destitute and
yeah
almost dead
and then yes
maybe i heard it like sitting upright
practicing compassion with not moving or attention that we may feel after sitting for a while
i'm
ah
i feel like they're to it's a pop almost say war think it's is it's very hum
yeah tom if your practice if you if you're being upright with what's going on
and you're at a distance you may feel like you're kind of being compassionate to it
okay okay
i'm okay with that
but as you get closer in one way you start to notice some resistance to this thing
and the in one sense the resistance to whatever it is is resisting a inconceivable interpenetration of that thing
and the observer
says you get closer to the interpenetration you also might become more aware that you have some
resistance to the interpenetration
and then if you get closer the resistance might get really intense almost like a war
resistance can almost be like
mdg
but when it's at a distance is kind of like
well i'm not interpenetrated with that thing way over there it's not interpenetrated or with me
know i'm kind of easy going with that but when something is closer if you continue to say feel like this thing's not interpenetrating even though it's kind of like saying i'm going to penetrate you you're going to penetrate me wait a minute now it's more i don't know if i'm ready for this interpenetration
and again at a distance you'd most people think it's way over there is not interpenetrating me and it's not and i'm not interpenetrating it so no problem but as it gets closer
resolving this situation
realizing our true home becomes more and more critical you could say and again critical is a turning point in getting closer to the place where you're actually going to allow the closeness
but
is before you really fully allow it it might get more difficult to accept
that's when it comes to me a while teachings of it's like a massive fire whom
yeah that are you touching an original way
so you don't have to touch it or turn away from it
to live with it intimately
my fact you are touching it and turning it turning away our
the kind of go with not accepting the interpenetration you already feel the warmth but also you already are the warmth he to do anything to make that so you're being warmed
it's warming
so turning and turning away and touching her instructions to be upright with it and to allow yourself to become more intimate with it but not or intimate by leaning into it and of course not more intimate by leaning away from it
it's not even by being more intimate it just like be with it in such a way that you realize you are intimate with this massive fire
you already are so you hang out with it but you don't try to get it or avoided
boston those to not go with realizing the intimacy we were already intimate with this massive fire it's what we're really are
but already that's what we really are
so
and being kind to any attempt to touch it
is appropriate to
pink three of trying to touch it and being kind to any impulse to get away from it is appropriate to being free of impulses to get away from it

so yeah we're
we're doing dung shoveling now this is juncture

damn
ha
oh
ah more don't shovel

so maybe so maybe this failed talk is the best talk
thank you so much for saving this talk

nice work guys
it was close there for awhile