Up in the front we have lots of children sitting here and actually they follow around, lots of children. And I wanted to ask the children, do your parents tell you stories? They do? Do they read you stories sometimes? When I was younger, there was a song that we had. It went like this. Tell me a story. Tell me a story. Tell me a story. You promised that you would. So do you sometimes say that to your parents? Tell me a story you promised you would before you go to bed or something? And telling stories to young people, to children, is part of what we do in America.

[01:16]

But all over the world it is traditional, or in traditional cultures, there's stories not just for children but for adults too. Telling stories is part of how we continue to be good humans. So we have Western stories, and Eastern stories, and Middle Eastern stories, and lots of stories. Do you know this room here is called Zendo? And this is a temple here. Have you ever heard the word temple before? It's a temple of the Zen Buddhist tradition. So in Zen Buddhism we have lots of stories that we tell. Usually we tell these stories to the adults. We sometimes call them koans.

[02:19]

And we have other stories too. And in the Western tradition we have stories that we sometimes tell at this time of year. One of them is called Christmas Carol. And that's a story you might want to hear this in the next few weeks. Your parents might read you that story or tell you that story. But I heard that the younger children are going to be making candles today. Do you know about that? Is that right? So there's going to be a candle making opportunity. What? You're four? So are you ready? You can make candles probably. And these candles are going to be then sold to raise funds to sponsor a visit to this temple by what we call Native American children. This means children whose ancestors lived here before Europeans came.

[03:26]

So the first people who lived in America, who lived in California, maybe came from Asia. And then after thousands of years, people came from Europe to live here. So the native people are called Native Americans now. So we're going to have Native American children around to come and be at Green Gulch and the candles you make will help them come. So I was going to read you a story, a Native American story today. And the story is called, How the Rabbit Tricked the Otter. So do you guys know what rabbits are? Little bouncy, they're actually called, they're rodents. Rabbits are rodents. And do you know what otters are? Otters, are otters rodents? Does anybody know? They're not?

[04:28]

They're just mammals? Yes, do you know? Are they mammals? Yeah. So I guess maybe otters aren't mammals. But anyway, there was going to be, in this one village, all the animals got together and they were going to have a party to honor the animal that had the most beautiful fur. So you know what fur is? Dogs have fur, cats have fur, and rabbits have fur, bears have fur, seals have fur, fox have fur, but they thought the most beautiful fur was the otter fur. So they asked the rabbit to go tell the otter that they were going to have a dance to honor, to celebrate the beautiful fur of the otter. And so the rabbit went away from the village up the river to find the otter.

[05:35]

And he told the otter that they were going to have a dance to celebrate the most beautiful fur. And the otter was happy to come and join the dance. So then as they were walking back down along the river to the village, rabbit had an idea. The rabbit thought, I would like to get the otter's fur and put it over my fur so that I could be the honored guest at the dance. So everyone would be dancing for me as the most person with the most beautiful fur. So then the The rabbit said to the otter, do you know what this place is where we stopped? And the otter said, no. And the rabbit said, this is the place where the fire falls from the sky. And the otter said, wow. And the rabbit said, it might happen tonight while we're sleeping.

[06:40]

So if it happens, if the fire starts coming from the sky, just go jump into the river right over here and you'll be safe. And the otter said, okay. And the rabbit said, you know, I think it'd be a good idea if you took your fur coat off so it doesn't get dirty since we're going to this special dance to celebrate your beautiful fur coat. And the otter thought, that's a good idea. So the otter hung her coat on a tree and then slept just in her bare skin on the ground. And then the rabbit, when the otter went to sleep, the rabbit went over to their campfire and scraped through the coals, the embers, the little glowing parts of the fire that were left, and scooped them up with a piece of bark and then threw them really, really high into the air, way, way, way up, these burning hot coals, way up into the air.

[07:41]

And then the rabbit went over to the otter and said, wake up, wake up. the fire is falling from the sky. And the otter looked up and saw these coals coming down and looked like fire falling through the sky. So the otter went and jumped into the river to be safe. And then the rabbit thought, okay, now I can get the coat. So then the rabbit put the otter's coat on and ran to the village. Meantime, the otter's like swimming around in the river happily. Then the rabbit gets to the village and everybody sees and thinks it's the otter and says, yay, our honored guest is here. We can have the dance. So then the rabbit is the center of the dance in the beautiful otter coat. But there's one thing in that the rabbit's nose is different from the otter's nose. So the rabbit takes her paw or his paw and puts it up to the nose so no one will see the rabbit nose sticking out of the otter coat. So he's dancing in a funny way with one hand over his nose. So since he's a guest of honor, everybody starts dancing with their paws over their nose.

[08:47]

But at the edge of the dance, there was one big old bear. And the bear really knew the otter well. And he never saw the otter dance this way before. And he thought, hmm, something's funny here. So when the otter came by the bear, the otter knocked. Excuse me, when the fox, when the rabbit came by who was pretending to be the otter, the bear knocked the rabbit's paw away from its face and everybody saw, oh, it's not the otter, it's the rabbit. And the rabbit tried to run away. And when the rabbit was running away, the bear pulled at the rabbit's long, beautiful long tail that the rabbit had and pulled it off. And then the rabbit ran away, and the bear pulled the coat off the rabbit. And then they went up and found the otter in the stream and gave the otter back the coat and had the dance again. But the Native American people say that because of this night, this special night, and when the otter was swimming in the water, the otter said, this is really fun, more fun than on land.

[10:02]

So now otters spend a lot of time playing in the water. And they're the most playful animal. If you go down south here to Monterey or Carmel, if you go on the beach there, they have lots of kelp floating on the surface sometimes. And you can see the otters are in a little kelp hammock, playing in the hammocks. They're very playful. And also because of this story, all the descendants of the rabbit now don't have tails. So if you want to, you can come up and look at this picture. This is a picture of the rabbit throwing the charcoal up in the air. And there's the otter down here taking a nap. And over here is the otter's coat up on the tree. See? See the rabbit? There's the rabbit throwing the fire in the air. And there's the otter down there.

[11:03]

See the otter? And there's the otter's coat. There's the campfire. See the rabbit dug up the campfire through the fire up in the air and then it comes down. And there's the sleeping otter. He says, wake up, otter. And then the otter jumps in the river over here. And then the picture over here, this is a picture of See this picture? This is the picture of the rabbits running away and the bear is grabbing the otter's tail off. See the big long tail? The rabbit's tail, right. The bear is grabbing the rabbit's tail off. Isn't that nice? Can you see? See, there's the bear pulling the tail off the rabbit. It hurts a little bit, yeah, probably. That's one of the problems of impersonating otters. You can sometimes get people to smack your booty. See? Can you see that?

[12:06]

There's the bear, and there's the rabbit trying to run away, and you see he's pulling his tail off. Can you see? See the bear? And there's the rabbit. Well, thank you for partaking of this low-tech visual aids. And this, do you see this is a picture where the rabbit's throwing a fire up in the air? See that? And the fire's coming down through the air and there's the otter without the coat. See the coat? Yeah, see the, there's the otter coat hanging on the tree. And there's the otter, bare skinned, no coat. See, that's the otter's bare skin. That's what the otter looks like without the coat on. Here's the coat. See? That's the coat, yeah, on the tree. And then there's the rabbit. See, he's throwing the fire up in the air. See? And there's the campfire. And there's a stream right there.

[13:07]

And if you children make candles and people buy them, then Native American children can come here and we can tell them Zen stories and they can tell us Native American stories. And maybe some of you children will meet the visiting kids. I don't know. How old are those kids? Do you know how old they're going to be? They'll be around 11. So you want to go make the candles now? Okay. Welcome. Yeah.

[14:25]

This is the picture. See, there's a rabbit throwing up the fire, and there's the otter without his coat, and there's his coat hanging on the tree. See? Walking. There's a few more active teams if anybody wants to come closer.

[15:27]

Okay. This is the last talk that I'll be giving on Sunday for the rest of this year.

[16:36]

And we're either, I guess we're in the early phases of what we call the holiday season. Does holiday season kind of start around the day we call Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving. Does it start then? When does it start? Huh? Huh? It's always holidays. Yeah, right. But when does it start? Does it have no beginning? By the way, I thank you, Susan, for this book. Did you read it? Did you look at the picture? They're really nice pictures. So, a holiday theme In other words, holiday means holy day, holy, holy days. And the word holy means whole, whole, or holy, or unifying.

[17:44]

So holidays are a time to become whole. I guess there would be times to give up all your activities which make you feel split and fragmented and enter upon meditations and practices which support the realization of wholeness and which heal the separation among us, in our own hearts and between us. Does that seem reasonable? Some people look ahead, they shouldn't of course, but they look ahead to the holidays and think of separation and the disharmony they might experience if they approach certain people. But that's maybe part of what we need to do is

[18:50]

is open our minds to anyone we feel separate from and meditate on how we may become intimate with them. How we may become freed or healed of the feeling of separation from them. And honestly admitting that we may feel some fear when we contemplate those we feel separate from. And following up on the talk I gave just a couple weeks ago here, I suggested, I think I might have said something like, the realization of nonviolence depends upon the realization of fearlessness. Today I would change that a little bit to the full realization of nonviolence depends on realization of fearlessness.

[19:59]

I think we can sometimes be nonviolent and still be quite afraid. I think we can be full of fear sometimes but be quite nonviolent, which is good. that we can sometimes be nonviolent even when we're afraid, since we're afraid a lot. So let's, in the holidays, be nonviolent even if we're afraid, if we want to be nonviolent. And a lot of people here, I think, do want to be nonviolent and promote nonviolence with the people that they're meeting and living with. The challenge before us is to spread the circle of nonviolence ever wider. The Buddha appears in the world to extend the merit and virtue of nonviolence more and more throughout the world of living and nonliving beings.

[21:10]

In order to fully extend it, we need fearlessness. Because we meet some people, some humans and non-humans, that we feel fear towards, and in order to work out how to be nonviolent with them, we need to be able to face our fear and become fearless. That's how I feel. If I think about how to approach someone and be gentle and kind and generous and patient with them, if I'm afraid, it's harder. Not impossible, but harder.

[22:13]

But fearlessness makes me feel like, well, whatever it takes, I can get in there with them. We can work it out. I may get hurt if I get any closer to this being. They may strike out because I'm beyond their striking range right now, but if I get much closer, potentially they could hurt me. If I open my heart to them a little bit more, right now it's just a little bit open and they can't get me now, but if I open my heart a little bit more, they could hurt me. If I cared for them a little bit more, their insults would have more power If I cared for them with no limit, they could really get me. And they might. But I'm not afraid. So I'm going to open all the way. And maybe they won't for sure get me right now, but they might.

[23:17]

But for the benefit of healing this wound between us. I'm willing to act as though there weren't a wound at all or as though the separation which creates the sense of wound was just an illusion like I've heard it is. And I've been afraid a long time to do this but I've been facing this fear for a long time and now I feel ready to meet this occasion with a completely open mind and heart. And this feeling may be impermanent and a moment later I may close up, which often happens, that I open up and the person does hurt me and then I say, well that goes to show what happens when I open up. That's the last time I'm going to do that. I'm going over to be by myself and put my armor back on and curl up in a ball for a while and

[24:24]

The Buddha says, go right ahead. Come back when you feel better. The practice of nonviolence is not without its dangers. The Buddha practiced nonviolence, but it doesn't mean the Buddha was not in danger now and then. The Buddha practiced nonviolence, but the Buddha was still attacked sometimes. But the Buddha was not afraid so that when the Buddha was attacked, the Buddha came back with more non-violence, with more love, with more fearlessness, with more kindness, with more empathy, and nurtured the beings who attacked him just like he nurtured the beings who were devoted and kind to him. Again, as part of the normal holy day activity, both in East and West, both in Europe and the Western Hemisphere, and also in Asia, during the holiday times, people often practice giving, giving as a practice to relieve us

[25:53]

of that illusion of separation. To give to those near to us and to give to those far away. And even maybe to feel the fear that might arise when you start giving. And as part of the practice of giving also there is the practice of thinking about giving. thinking about giving and thinking about the fear of giving and thinking about facing the fear of giving and thinking about fearlessness of giving and thinking about all this and thinking about beings who are not afraid to give and thinking about beings who are afraid to give. Think about beings who are afraid of giving. Think about frightened people who are stingy. Think about them and think about how unhappy they are. So that's why, actually, what is it, Tolstoy, every year, I don't know what year he started, but every year during the Holy Days, he read, I don't know if English or Russian, but he read A Christmas Carol.

[27:06]

And A Christmas Carol is a story of Ebenezer Scrooge. Ebenezer Scrooge was a person who was afraid. He was afraid and he was stingy. And he was mean. He was afraid. But he wasn't always afraid. When he was young he was actually quite... When he was a young boy he was actually... Well, actually he was afraid when he was a young boy. Like most young boys, he was afraid. And things went in such a way that he got more and more afraid. Rather than more and more fearlessly, he became more and more afraid. And as he became more and more afraid, his heart closed more and more. And when his heart closed more and more, he got more afraid. And when he got more and more afraid, his heart closed more and more. And he got dingy and mean and rich. Do you know that story? Anybody not know the story of Scrooge?

[28:11]

You don't know the story? Well, that's pretty good, only one so far. Is it just one, two, three? So you don't know the story of Fredrick Christmas Carol? Well, it's written by Charles, not Darwin, but Dickens, a contemporary of Charles Darwin's, Charles Dickens. And he wrote it. It's just a short little story. And so I'm going to read it to you guys. It's about this man, this boy, this male, this male homo sapien who was afraid, and because of his fear, his heart got smaller and smaller. He got hurt like all male homo sapiens. He got hurt as he grew up, and he became afraid of getting hurt more, so he closed down as a defense to being hurt. All of us boys get hurt, right?

[29:15]

When we're little, we get hurt. None of us have avoided it. And so we tend sometimes to become afraid of getting hurt more. And without assistance to deal with the dangers of being a little boy, and without assistance to encourage us to be fearless, we might continue to be frightened of being hurt. Does that sound familiar? you guys look scared to death. Are you? No? Yes? So anyway, Ebenezer Scrooge, to make a long story short, on one night, various ghosts came to visit him and really scared him. Scared him even more than he was. Scared him so much that he faced his fear They scared him so much he couldn't get away from it.

[30:20]

And he woke up from his dream, his frightening dream, and he realized that the path to fearlessness and the path to happiness was not to be afraid to give. and to give generously. So he started to give generously and joyfully and so that's the story. It's a holiday story. It's a story of Ebenezer becoming healed. But throughout the year we have stories of what we call bodhisattvas, enlightening beings who are practicing thinking about how wonderful it is to be compassionate, how wonderful it is to be generous, how wonderful it is to be fearless. And they think about that until they feel such joy at the possibility of a human being realizing fearlessness and nonviolence, courageous nonviolence, that they're so full of joy that they actually face their fear and become fearless.

[31:44]

And then they become the very people that they always thought they wanted to be. The meditation practice of Zen is really sort of the standard of our meditation practice is to meditate on the infinite interdependence of all of us. The key ingredient in our meditation practice is to meditate on the infinite, imperceptible mutual assistance which is actually happening. It's to meditate on how everything that you feel and think and do is something that happens in dependence on things other than yourself.

[32:45]

is to meditate on how your body is right now depends on many things other than your body. Your body, it's to meditate on how your body doesn't make your body, and your mind doesn't make your mind, and you don't make you, but you are made and I am made and we're all made in dependence on the support of things other than ourselves. It's to meditate on seeing ourselves in a different way from the way we usually see ourselves. The way we usually see ourselves without an education process is we see ourselves as independent, somewhat independent. But actually, no, independent. We see ourselves as keeping ourselves going and trying to get people and other things to keep us going. The way we usually think is that we're independent and we have a chance to get control.

[33:50]

And going with this sense of independence and having some control over what happens or trying to get control of what happens comes also a sense of limited responsibility and disharmony. Independent, limited responsibility, disharmony, those go together. feeling independent of others, feeling separate from others, and feeling limited responsibility for what's happening in this world, trying to control what's happening in this world, and disharmony. Those go together. And from that comes greed, hate, and delusion. Greed, trying to get control. Hatred for what we can't control. And ignorance or delusion, ignoring our interdependence.

[34:57]

This is our usual way. And of course, ignoring our interdependence, trying to control what's happening, feeling limited responsibility, we are afraid. Feeling disharmony, feeling limited responsibility, Ignoring interdependence, being afraid, we're pretty hard to be non-violent. The other side, meditating on, meditating on, meditating on, remembering, remembering the teaching of the Buddha that what I am right now the person I am, the feelings I have, the thoughts I have, the actions which I have, are given to me through the support of all beings. All beings.

[36:01]

All enlightened beings, all unenlightened beings support me in my activity right now. In my activity, in my thoughts, in my feelings, I do not make myself what I am. I am made by all beings every moment. including I'm made by my history, my own history. I'm not my history, but my history makes me. And now my history makes me again. But your history also makes me. Our meditation is to remember that, to remember that I am, for me, to remember that I'm an interdependent being. I'm a dependent co-arising. And also for you to remember that I'm that way. And for me to remember that you're that way. And for you to remember that you're that way. If I remember and let this think in, I feel infinite responsibility.

[37:06]

No limits on my responsibility. I feel harmony. I'm able to give up trying to control. And rather than trying to control me or you, I practice compassion. I practice compassion with myself and with you. I give up trying to control you or control me. I give up trying to control me, trying to control you. But some people frequently say to me, when they imagine when they contemplate being interdependent and not being in control, then they think, isn't there a danger that you'd feel no responsibility for what happens? And I would say, yes, there is that danger that you would feel no responsibility. That's why I mention this, because if you understand interdependence properly, rather than feel no responsibility,

[38:13]

you feel greater and greater responsibility. When you feel in control, then when you think you're in control, when you try to control and think you're in control, then you feel limited responsibility. You feel some, but you just feel responsibility for the things you imagine you did by yourself. You don't feel responsibility for things you had nothing to do with. That creates disharmony. that creates greed, hate, and delusion, that attitude of limited responsibility. So there's fear involved in opening to interdependence. There's fear involved in opening to giving up trying to control what's happening. So I'm encouraging myself to face the fear of what it would be like to give up trying to control my life or your life.

[39:20]

And if I can face the fear of what it's like to give up trying to control you and me, what you feel and what I feel, then I can open to the realm of interdependence, the realm of harmony, the realm of fearlessness, the realm of non-violence, the realm of where we're helping each other all the time, every moment, the realm of enlightenment. But I actually have to think about this and I'm also not in control of thinking about this. I can't control myself into remembering that I'm interdependent. And yet, here I am talking about it, and while I'm talking about it, I'm coincidentally thinking about it.

[40:30]

So it's happening, not by my control at all, not by your control, But by our interdependence, I'm here talking about this, and you're listening to it, and you might be thinking about it. Once again, if I may, independence, limited responsibility, trying to control, or maybe it's better to say, the view of independence, trying to control what's happening, limited responsibility,

[42:18]

and disharmony, greed, hate, and of course ignorance of interdependence go together. I propose that to you. The view of interdependence, meditation on interdependence, meditation on other dependents, meditation on mutual imperceptible assistance, and giving up trying to control, and infinite responsibility and harmony and freedom from greed, hate and delusion and realization of nonviolence go together. Meditating in such a way that my view starts to change, or not only starts to change, but does change, that my view changes as I meditate on interdependence, I start to see things more and more that way.

[43:19]

This also goes with seeing every single person that you meet with goodwill. Because every person you meet is imperceptibly assisting you. Or rather, every person you meet, you have an imperceptible, mutually beneficial relationship. It isn't just that they're benefiting you and helping you. It isn't just that everybody you meet is helping you, but you're also helping everybody. But it's probably good to start with them helping you first. It's mutual though. Let's maybe start by you're helping me. Each of you is helping me. For me to remember that, goes with me feeling goodwill towards every thing I meet. Not just people, not just animals, not just plants, but rocks, tires, pebbles, electronic equipment, everything.

[44:34]

Goodwill. Goodwill. goodwill. And from this goodwill comes a heart of compassion, and from this compassion comes kind speech. So that we talk to everybody as we would a baby. So that we talk to everybody sweetly and kindly. Now I just parenthetically mention that we have a number of stories in our Eastern Zen tradition of great compassionate Zen teachers talking kind of harshly to their sweet students, students that they love with a completely open, non-violent heart. There are stories where they speak harshly to the students. And one of the great stories is where after a teacher acted harshly towards a student on three occasions,

[45:44]

And this student had one of the great awakenings of East Asian Buddhism. So sometimes in the advanced stages of enlightenment process, the teachers talk in a kind of not so sweet way. But this is like one out of 33 billion occasions. almost all the time, it's like, speak from this feeling of goodwill. It's always from speaking from goodwill. But usually the way the goodwill manifests is as very kind and loving and caring speech. Coming from a real kind and caring feeling. Kind, by the way, you know the word kind means things. Kind comes from, we're the same. Your life and my life are what life is.

[47:11]

Life is not my life separate from your life. Life is our life. Buddhist practice is not the practice that I do by myself. It's the practice that we do together. It's the way we're working together that's the Buddhist practice. My practice can't live without yours. But fortunately, because of yours, my practice is alive. And also, your practice cannot live without ours. But we have to meditate on that. We have to remember that and also remember that you're not in control of remembering that. And if you forget, you're responsible. If you forget to remember, that everybody's helping you, and really that you should be grateful to everyone for giving you life. If you forget that, if I forget that, even though I'm not in control of remembering or forgetting, I'm still responsible.

[48:18]

When I remember I'm responsible, when I forget I'm responsible. But I'm not responsible because I'm in control of remembering and forgetting. I'm responsible because I'm totally involved. And again, responsible doesn't mean it's all my fault. My blame means I can always respond no matter what happens. Even though I'm not in control of the situation, I'm always able to respond to it. No matter what the weather is, because I'm alive, I can respond. I can feel sad when it's cloudy and happy when it's sunny. I can also feel happy when it's cloudy and sad when it's sunny. And I'm not in control of any of that. I'm responsible for all of this. Matter of fact, all of that is my response. And the same with you. But I have to remember that. I have to meditate on that. I have to think about it. Otherwise, I shift back into, I'm only responsible for this little area over here.

[49:20]

and everything else is your problem, you turkeys. So I'm trying to learn how to always have a feeling of goodwill to find in my heart, there's always some place lurking, some place in some little crevice, or maybe right up in the front in big letters, goodwill towards this person. I'm looking for that, trying to remember that and think about that. Fortunately, however, occasionally, for the sake of dramatic entertainment, I sometimes imagine myself to be someone who forgets, like I did a minute ago. I'm not responsible for you. You're not my responsibility. I'm setting a limit here. But it's also okay to say, you know, I notice my heart setting a limit and I'm not feeling goodwill right now for this person, but I actually would like someday to let go of that limit and even include this person in my goodwill circle.

[50:33]

Right now I see there's a limited circle, that there's a few people or several people that aren't in my goodwill circle. But I am patient with the difficulty of this, that I want someday my circle to be infinite, because I understand according to the teachings that the circle of support to me is infinite, so my circle of goodwill should similarly be unlimited. I must admit, I still can't quite see that my support is... I still don't quite understand that my support's infinite. I still don't quite understand that everything anybody ever does with me is supportive and caring and life-sustaining. I don't quite get that yet, even though I've heard about it. But I'm vowing to meditate on that until it sinks in and I become... infinitely of goodwill, infinitely of patience, infinitely of giving, infinitely of fearlessness.

[51:40]

And when I think about this, you know, I feel, when I talk like this and I think about this, I think, I feel good thinking about this. And it makes me feel a little less fearful of you and other people. So I think maybe I'd like to continue this meditation because I feel more harmony with people, less fear, or anyway, more willingness to face my fear. God's so supportive to face my fear. Okay, come on, face your fear, Reb. Okay. Come on, face it. You're a big boy. Okay. Okay. Well, some of you know I could go on. But, you know, with your support, I could also stop.

[52:54]

You know, I didn't say to the children that I'm going to say it to you because you're growing up. that I'm a little afraid of the children. I thought that if I would confess my fear of them, that that might frighten them. Or rather, that if I confess my fear of them, that might make them awaken, you know, be aware that they're afraid of me. Because I think the children are also afraid of me. The big old grandpa bear up there. I think they're a little afraid of me, some of them. But I feel a little afraid of the children, too, because I don't want to be that guy who gives those bad children talks. Oh, Reb Anderson's talking again? I don't want to go, Mommy.

[53:56]

He gives really bad ones. He always tells the story of the elephant and butterfly over and over. One child came to me before and he said, don't tell that elephant and butterfly story again. That's the only one I really know. Anyway, I'm a little afraid of being kind of a flop on the Sunday program for the kids. I feel more comfortable with adults, actually. But I didn't tell them that, but I'm telling you that. But you know, I was pretty happy how it went, especially when they came up to look at the pictures. I felt that they really kind of like got into it with me, that they got over their fear and they dared to come up here and look at the book with the old man. And so I worked out, somehow, with everybody's support, the Sunday program, with the kids.

[55:03]

And then with the adults, too, it seemed to work out okay. I wasn't really in control, and I wasn't really trying to control, and it worked out somehow. We got all the way to 1115. So I think I'll stop now, and the question is whether I should sing a song or not. And I know once I say that, some people say, oh, yes, please, and other people say, no, don't. But I think maybe I will anyway, because, you know, it's the holiday season, right? It's a time for caroling, and a time for Christmas caroling. Actually, I could do two songs.

[56:15]

One I know, one is one that I kind of changed, and the other one is one I don't really know very well. So I'll just say the beginning of the second one. The first one goes... Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I can do what I want. I'm in complete control. That's what I tell myself. I got a mind of my own. I'll be all right alone. Don't need anybody else. Gave myself a good talking to. No more being a fool for you. But then I see you and I remember how you make me want to surrender to Buddha way.

[57:15]

You're taking myself away. Buddha way. You're making me want to stay. Buddha way. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And the other one that comes to mind is one that, I don't know, I just want to say that the beginning of it is something like, I can't stop loving you. I don't know the rest, but... I appreciate that idea. What? Oh, I made up my mind? I can't stop loving you. Made up my mind. Yeah. Yeah.

[58:21]

Go ahead. Anyway, that also is a song. Anyway, you know, according to Buddha, we cannot stop loving each other. We can just deny it. Really, we are loving each other. It's just a matter of opening up to that, which is scary. So, it takes quite a bit of effort to open to this reality of our life, but that's what the practice is for. So, shall we? May our intention... ... [...] Inhuman?

[59:49]

Well, fearlessness doesn't mean there's no fear. You can be human and feel fear. It can be more like a dance partner. No. Trying to make things go away is related to fear. To be able to be with the fear without trying to make it go away is fearlessness. Kind of like, I'm afraid, no problem. You know, everybody's supporting me. Now I'm alive and I'm free. Even while being afraid. So, to have something not be there is fine, but what about when it comes back?

[60:53]

And what about if it comes back, you know, infinitely big? So it's not more like, well, where is it? Let's work with it, kind of. And even if you don't feel fear, you might meet people who do feel afraid at some very obvious ways. And you can, although you may not feel it, you're not afraid of them being afraid. And you can give them fearlessness right while they're afraid. Yeah, so it I don't know if rocks have experienced fear. But I wouldn't exactly call, if they don't, I wouldn't call them fearless. Fearlessness is for those who feel fear.

[61:56]

The Buddha helped fear and found a way to be fearless with it. So fear is kind of like the curriculum of the practice. And fearlessness is the fruit of studying fear. Does that make more sense to you? Welcome. Yes. Well, you said, I heard you say set limits. It might be better to not be aware of limits. So if I feel

[62:58]

I'm interacting with someone, I may feel a limit. In other words, feel that a limit would be good, or some sense of a boundary would be good to acknowledge. For example, this morning I didn't tell the children that I felt some fear in giving talks to them. I didn't tell them that. Kind of like a limit came up in the mind, like maybe these little children, if I use the word fear or something, maybe that would open them to more than they can handle right now. Or like sometimes when I'm talking to my grandson, I was talking to my grandson I think it was around sunset outside my house, and I had kind of a low voice like this, and I moved my hand over my mouth, so my voice went like this, and he said, when you put your hand over your mouth like that, you sound scary.

[64:25]

And I said, he said, yeah, don't do that. I felt there's a kind of a limit arose. He was feeling a limit. He didn't want me to get into that sound. But I might feel something like that too. So it isn't exactly that I set the limit, but the limits arise and I acknowledge them. And I might say to someone, you know, I feel it'd be good to recognize this. I feel kind of uneasy right at that spot. If you're talking that way, I feel okay, but when you start talking this way, I start to feel uncomfortable. Maybe you might be at a table having dinner with someone, and they might start talking maybe about people in a way that you feel uncomfortable, like, I don't know, blaming someone for the problems in the world, or... you know, speaking real irresponsibly, as we say, and you might say, you know, I feel uncomfortable when you talk like that, you know, and you're kind of setting, you're setting a limit for how, how, how you feel comfortable.

[65:31]

I wouldn't set it by myself, I would more like discuss with them and maybe together we can honor a limit, honor a boundary. And then, in a sense, we set it up together. So in that sense, setting limits, if it's bilateral, I think then it's a setting limit within the context of interdependence. Because if I'm setting limits in our relationship, it's more like I say, under these circumstances, I feel comfortable with this. Can you support that, or can you understand that? And they say, no, no, no, no, keep working until maybe together you can agree on some limits but you keep keep in touch with what you feel the limits are and ask them what limits they you know if i can pour it together the limits get recognition and then kind of like acceptance and commitment Yes, exactly.

[66:43]

Yeah, exactly. Which is, you know, pretty challenging work, or play, whatever you want to call it. But, yeah, I think this is, we do need, this kind of work is required to realize fearlessness and non-violence. Because if we don't honor our own vulnerability, and someone interacting with us in a way that we feel vulnerable, but we aren't, like, honoring our own, then we can switch from feeling vulnerable to getting defensive, to getting violent. We can turn from feeling vulnerable to violence. But if we can bring our vulnerability out and discuss it, we may be able to interact non-violently with the same person. Yep. Mm-hmm. Yes.

[67:45]

Uh-huh. Well, pulling back is a form of interaction. Withdrawal is the interaction. Right. Well, in a case where you feel like you have mutually agreed on some limits with someone,

[68:56]

you agree on them and then you're both committed to honor those limits. That's not the same as expecting that the person will live actually in accord with those limits which you both agreed on. So if I agree on limits or boundaries or whatever, commitments with someone, which I do, I spend quite a bit of time doing that with people, I don't expect that they're going to follow them. I let go of that part. And I also, either before or after, they or I do not accord with those agreements or those boundaries or those limits. We might have another set of agreements about what to do in the case of when there is violation of the agreement. So I often mention that when I first got married, my wife said, no hitting.

[70:11]

She said, if you hit, I'll be gone. So I said, OK. And so that was the salinity set, which I never in 30 years have not had any problem. Well, I had problems with it. There's many times when I thought it would be a really good idea, or at least fun. to give a little whack. But never did, because she said that she wasn't going to... that was not going to be happening. Although I didn't tell her no hitting, so... But, you know, I do not mind hitting that much, actually, towards me. The things aren't necessarily the same for everybody, right? I'd maybe say, no hitting in the eyes, no eye-poking. I don't trust that people are going to follow through on their commitment.

[71:19]

You could go ahead and trust anyway, but it's a more rough ride if you go trusting that people are going to do what they say they're going to do. But you can do it just for fun, you know, of not only making agreement, but then trust that they're going to follow the agreement. That makes it more dramatic. I don't live quite that dramatically. I'm more like make the agreement and watch what happens and then And then I say, well, remember that agreement? And they say, so what? Or what difference is that of yours? Or anyway, remember we agreed that, yeah. Could I check out this agreement again? Yes. Did we agree to this? Yes. Are you doing that? No. You want to continue? Yes. OK. OK. But still, you might say, now that this has happened several times, I'd like to tell you that I'd like to make another agreement that if this continues, we make these changes.

[72:35]

And they might say, okay. So like with my attendant, I have a training position for my attendant. And so they come and pick me up early in the morning to go to meditation. And... If they're sick or can't come for some reason and they come beforehand, that's fine. I can accept that and we work with that and we agree to that. If they get sick in the middle of the night and they don't want to call me in the middle of the night or they're too sick to call me in the early morning to tell me that they're sick, I can accept that. But if they just oversleep and don't come and pick me up, I can accept that. One. Second time, then don't have a job anymore. That's the kind of job it is. It's a training position, like don't oversleep more than once if you want to keep doing the job.

[73:40]

Of course, you don't get killed, you just lose the job. And that's a training experience. And I've only had to fire one in 30 years. Somebody missed twice. Now, someone would say, well, twice, how about once a year? Once a year, okay. Twice in 10 years, would that be all right? Yeah, I think so. But this person missed twice in like a week. I fired him, and people were kind of surprised. I said, that's the way I'm doing the job. So that's an agreement. But I didn't expect them to show up, but they actually almost always do. They're very, very good, but I don't expect them to be good. I try not to. And then I can work with it quite well. So we set these limits so we can be free together and not be expecting things of each other and then be surprised by what happens and then make other agreements with what to do when the surprise happens at certain times.

[74:43]

And if people won't make the agreements with us, then we sort of like, I don't know, we sort of like, we tell them maybe, you know, I do not feel, I mean, it's fine with people I don't even know, you know, like I walk to downtown San Francisco or something, there's hundreds and hundreds and thousands of people I have no agreements with. So if they do various things, I just say, you know, I just dance with it, right? But if somebody wants to be close to me, And they say that, and I hear that, and then we make these agreements. Then if they don't follow through, I say, we still have a relationship, but it's going to be more like the people I run to on the street, where we haven't made the agreements that are necessary to really realize our intimacy. I'm intimate with everybody, but to work on realizing it, we need these agreements. And if you won't do that, then we can't realize it. So we're going to more be in a relationship that I have with a lot of other people where I have no agreement. They haven't violated the agreement, But since you have, you're more like somebody I don't have an agreement with.

[75:47]

And I forgive you and forgive myself for what happened. And maybe later, you know, you could demonstrate that you have the ability to make this agreement. But to be close, we really have to make agreements. We have to give our word about stuff. We have to make promises. But that doesn't mean we're going to do these things. we still promise. But promise doesn't mean I'm going to, it means I want to. It means I agree this would be good. Okay? Yes. You know, when you have a partner or a wife, that the person is not taking care of their health, like, you know, smoke, or not eating the proper food, or, and I want to be concerned, you know, what kind of fear that the person, because they're addicts or they're victims, is gonna affect the relationship or could be the fact, wants to be afraid of that.

[77:08]

And how can one operate, how can one be non-attached to the idea of the change, the change helping themselves? How to find the right balance where one is not conflicted, but one helps? And we have this expression, controlling and not controlling. We say to somebody, you're being controlling. What we mean by being controlling is that the person is trying to control us, or trying to control us. One thing that comes to mind is my mother, who just passed away at 89. She smoked for 72 years. No. Seventy-four years she smoked. She smoked from fifteen years of age. And as she got older, she got emphysema and kept smoking.

[78:10]

And my brother, who lived close to her for many years, tried to get her to stop many times. He didn't want her to smoke. He didn't want her to die from asphyxiation or lung cancer. More likely, the likely thing is she just would die from asphyxiation. But after a while, he just gave up, trying to get her to stop. And what he did was he just said, when you start smoking, I'll leave the house. I'll leave your house. So she knew that if she smoked when he was around, he would leave. And then my sister also adopted that agreement with him. She accepted that, but that would be the consequences. of her smoking is that the dearly beloved would leave the room. But not leave just while she was smoking and come back. That would be the end of that day's visit. So she could smoke towards the end of the time, probably. And also sometimes he would go to see her towards the later part of her life.

[79:18]

He'd go to see her sometime and he'd say, Mom, you're turning gray. Gray. And she would realize that she's right on the edge of dying. And then she would stop for a little while. But for the last year or so, she said, I finally stopped trying to quit. She quit many times, but she said, I've stopped trying to stop. But my brother still would go out the door when she did that. So he was devoted to her, and he was really devoted to her. But he finally stopped trying to get her to stop. Actually, she stopped trying to stop. But she knew that he cared. He did care. And that was that. That was as good as they could do. At the same time, she got to 89. And he loved her, and she loved him, and they worked that out. And when I visited too, I didn't do the same policy. If she smoked, she would just go outside when she smoked. And I would go outside with her if she wanted to smoke.

[80:19]

And the last time I visited her, I went with her and her smoker friend out into the smoking area, and I hung out with them smoking. And it was like a great experience for me just to be with these people smoking. And it was beautiful. To be with people who are doing an unhealthy thing and being really comfortable with them. And them knowing that we're outside because I didn't want to be near the smoke. And that they were being silly children and they're having fun doing it in their later years. And they felt, I think, there was a lot of love in the situation. And doing an unhealthy thing. but they can do the unhealthy thing anytime but sometimes they can do it with a lot of love or at least it was that but that took many years of practice for me to be able to be with her that way to really like find my way to be able to dance with people who are doing you know unhealthy things in this world

[81:27]

rather than them doing unhealthy things or having somebody who hated them or whatever on top of it all. No. It was beautiful. And I was happy for me. I was happy for me that I could be there and be so comfortable with this situation. And now there's no more problem with the smoke. Yes. The dependent core arising of deep grief and lust. And I might also rephrase it as the dependent core arising of deep grief and sexual vitality. One time, I don't know how many years ago it was, 20, 30, I was at a reception after a funeral ceremony.

[82:46]

And the funeral ceremony was whatever it was, but anyway. And I actually, I had this kind of vision that there was this sexual feeling coming up through the cracks in the deck over by the Wheelwright Center. I just felt this tremendous, you know, earth spirit of reproduction and attraction between bodies oozing up through the floor, up through the earth. which I almost, you know, I never felt it so strongly. It wasn't so much coming in, it wasn't so much even me in my body, but just the whole area was like just oozing with sexual feeling, I felt. And I thought, I think this is because we just did this funeral ceremony. I think opening to death you know, open to death, you're also open to rebirth and reproduction.

[83:55]

I think that, but usually we're kind of like death, you know, we're not usually meditating on death. Most people don't spend that much time meditating on death. And during some funeral ceremonies, you really start meditating and people open to death. in various degrees and various dimensions of the process of dying and death and the shortness of life. And looking at the shortness of life and the preciousness of life, it's kind of like, oh, life, oh, life, wow, life. And it just, yeah, and actually somebody at that time, somebody came up to me and said, actually some person also was on the deck, and that person also said, what's going on here on this deck? The person else said, I feel this thing going on here. I said, yeah, I do too. It's amazing, isn't it? So I think that grieving means just having death and loss is one thing.

[84:59]

But grieving is to open to the feeling of loss. And opening to the loss, you also open to life. And part of life is sex. So there's a Bodhisattva precept, which is to, well, put it positively, to embrace and sustain not getting involved in inappropriate sexual activity. But the commentary says, sex isn't bad. Without sex, you wouldn't have baby Buddhists. We need sex to make Buddhas and Bodhisattvas in this world. So sex isn't bad. What's bad about it is to use it in a greedy way, in a selfish way. It's to interact with sexual feelings in a sense of, I'm by myself and how am I going to use this by myself? But to do it interdependent, to experience sexual existence, sexual phenomena interdependently, then there's no greed.

[86:00]

And when we open to law, we open to the interdependence of sexual life, too. And so traditionally, in places where people were meditating on death, they often had lots of regulations to support them when, as they opened to death, they started also opening to sexual feelings. So monasteries are places where people open to death, and then they also open to sex. They need a lot of support not to go wild, you know, have lots of orgies and stuff. So the point is, you know, it's not to meditate on death and you get all dried up and stiff and dead. You meditate on death, it makes you more alive. Whereas meditating on life doesn't make you more dead. But when you meditate on life in a small way, in a limited way, when you meditate on death in a grasping of life way, then it makes you dead.

[87:08]

So grasping life is death. But opening to death realizes life. So it's kind of surprising that you'd be grieving and feel more alive You might think, if I grieve, I'm going to feel more dead. No. Grieving makes you feel more alive. Grieving is medicine for people who lose something and grab on to what they lost, and then the grabbing on to the lost drags you down into loss of vitality. So the grieving is, oh, and you let go of the thing you lost and you come back up. Like I often use the example of bamboo and snow. So, you know, bamboo and snow, especially wet snow, when the snow falls and the leaves that stick to the bamboo is popping. And bamboo doesn't usually grow where it has such cold snow, you know.

[88:13]

Usually it's in a climate that's moist and not super cold, so the snow tends to be wet and stick to the bamboo, and then the bamboo bends. And more snow, it bends more. More snow, it bends more. This is the sadness. Bending down with the loss. Bending down with the loss. The loss is sticking to it. Sticking to you. Or you're sticking to the loss. So you're bending down with it. But if you feel that, then when you get down to a certain level of bending, the snow falls off. You bounce back up. Fresh and bouncy. So breathing is healthy. Healing. Healing process. It's surprising, but it does seem to happen with those who are breathing well, that they feel all kinds of vital forces. Yes?

[89:14]

Yes? Yes? I don't get into that at all. I don't get into enough and not enough. Enough and not enough are based on, of all things, what could it be other than selfishness. If I see myself as independent, then I would think I'm not doing enough. Or I'm doing enough. So feelings of adequacy and inadequacy, enough and not enough, are thoughts based on me being isolated from you. So if I get into that stuff, I'm basically just wallowing in the illusion of being separate. I'm doing enough. Or I'm doing none. I would say that I'm doing a lot.

[90:20]

I'm doing a lot. I'm doing Green Gulch Farm. I'm doing San Francisco-Vincent. I'm doing the San Francisco Bay Area. I'm doing America. I'm doing American government. I'm doing American politics. I'm doing red states and blue states. I'm doing a war in Iraq. I'm doing terrorism. I'm doing a lot. I'm doing a lot. Now, I could say enough, but what's the point of enough? I don't get into enough or that I think I get into. I'm responsible for all this. I'm responsible for all I'm doing and all that's being done. I'm responsible for everything that's happening. And there's nothing I'm not responsible for. There's nothing I'm not responsible for that evil or that good. If somebody dances well, I'm responsible. If someone sings well, I'm responsible.

[91:22]

If someone's selfish, if someone's cruel, I'm responsible. I'm responsible for all good and bad in the universe. All the good and bad of the universe exists based on me. I am the basis for the entire universe. I am the basis for supernovas and sunspots. I am the basis for those little explorers that are climbing around on Mars right now and doing amazingly well. But if they fall down over a crevice and crash, I'm responsible for that. I'm responsible for everything in the universe. And for you. And I'm no more responsible than you. However, I maintain it for children because, you know, women are...

[92:13]

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