In meeting with some of you, yesterday I got some feedback on yesterday morning's talk and so maybe I'll try again to talk to you about this grandmother mind, so we have something. So I propose to you that in the tradition of Dogen, he stressed this grandmother mind with his student, his wonderful student Tetsugikai, and it seems to me that there's some wonderful

[01:03]

students today that are like Tetsugikai who need this grandmother mind, if not stressed, at least held up to look at, along with joyful mind and big mind, but people don't have much problem with big mind, I've noticed, hey that sounds fine and joyful mind sounds good and even grandmother's mind sounds good until you find out what it is, and the part about grandmother mind where you kind of like do anything for your dear only child, that part sounds fine too, but when we say that grandmother mind is to do anything, to give yourself 100% to the care and maintenance of the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha, then people start to get a little uncomfortable, and when we mention that taking care of the Dharma means

[02:05]

take care of the traditional forms and ceremonies, then people feel like an iron vice is forming around their body and mind, and if they don't go along with it, they'll be squeezed out of the Soto Zen school, they'll have to leave the nice Dogen environment, because you do not have grandmother mind enough. But anyway, the other side of it is, I know you will eventually get it when you grow up, you're a good student, you'll develop this grandmother mind and you'll be a wonderful successor someday. So there's this sense of like being, that this is a very strict business, and so I thought of this teacher who's a close friend of Suzuki Roshi's,

[03:12]

his name was Noiri Roshi, and he's a little younger than Suzuki Roshi, but they were good friends and Suzuki Roshi actually towards, before he got really sick, he was actually going to send me to Japan to study with Noiri Roshi, but then when Suzuki Roshi got sick, I didn't go to Japan at that time, and Noiri Roshi is still alive, but I still haven't met him, and actually Suzuki Roshi's son, Hoitsu Roshi, lives in the same little town, fairly small town, 200,000 in Japan, same town as Noiri Roshi, actually Noiri Roshi doesn't live in the same town, Noiri Roshi lives nearby Suzuki Roshi's home temple, and I've been to visit, and one time I told Hoitsu I wanted to visit Noiri Roshi, and he looked scared

[04:20]

when I said that, and he told me some things about Noiri Roshi, like Noiri Roshi, you know, you call him on the telephone, you say, hello Noiri Roshi, and then he just sits and says, hmm? Most Japanese people are a little friendlier than that, anyway, Hoitsu is a wonderful teacher, but he seems a little scared of Noiri Roshi, but one thing he said about it that led me to bring this up was that he said Noiri Roshi's way is something I already said, he said, I think he said, kibishi wa nai to kibishi nai wa nai, in other words, in English, he's not strict and he's not not strict, just being strict, you know, one thing, but he's really not strict, but he's also not not strict.

[05:22]

He's quite a teacher, important teacher, and I think he's got this grandmotherly mind. So again, somebody said to me, he thought I said two different, he said, first he thought I said grandmotherly mind was that the rituals of Buddha way are the Buddha way, and then he thought I said something like, make every one of your daily activities, or do all your daily activities as Buddhism, or as the Buddha way, he thought those were a little different, and does that characterize what you said, okay? And when I heard him I thought, well, I can see how they're somewhat different, but I see them actually, by means of understanding emptiness, you can see that they're actually

[06:29]

one whole, these two ways. So another way to put this is that the grandmotherly mind, well actually not the grandmotherly mind, but the Buddha way is, according to Dogen, the Buddha way is that all your activities of body, speech, and mind, each one of your activities, each gesture of your hand, each sound that comes out of your mouth, each blinking of your eye, each pounding of your heart, each drop of salivation, each step you take, each thought you make, whatever your activity is, that that activity is an invocation of Buddha. The Buddha way is Buddha, and Buddha's salivation is Buddha's salivation, and when your salivation

[07:35]

is Buddha's salivation, when your salivation is invocation of Buddha, that's the Buddha way, that you, everything about you, is always reaching out and saying hello to Buddha, inviting Buddha to be realized through your life. That's the Buddha way, that's all I'm saying, and I think that's what Dogen's saying. It isn't that you have to practice the Buddha way, I'm just trying to say what the Buddha way is, if you're interested. And you don't have to practice the Buddha way to live at Zen Center or to come to Sashin's, you can practice other ways, we're very, you know, kind of like, you know, we're trying to catch new fish. So we welcome people who aren't interested in the Buddha way to convert them into wanting to be Buddhas, and if you want to be a Buddha, then you have to be a Buddha eventually, otherwise you won't get what you want. And we kind of think everybody does want to be Buddha, really, so it's okay, we're not

[08:39]

really like brainwashing anybody, we're more like washing their brains, washing the hindrance to Buddhahood away, by getting people to simply make everything you do an invocation of Buddha, an invocation of Buddha nature, your Buddha nature, or a performance of your Buddha nature, by every act you do, every act, that's all. Make your conduct, Buddha's conduct, that's all. And Buddha's conduct is Buddha. It's not that Buddha is like some way, Buddha is a way of acting, is a way of living. When you make your living that way, or at least request help in your activity being

[09:46]

that way, this is the Buddha way, that's the Buddha way, according to my understanding of Ehe Koso Dayo Sho, this is what I think, if you disagree, hey, let's hear about it, come and talk to me, I could change my mind, I didn't always realize this about Dogen, in other words, my understanding wasn't always like this, but it's getting to be more like that, and so I'm sharing it with you for your delectation, and to me it's very delectable, this teaching. This is the practice context in which we study all the wonderful teachings, as Dogen said, there are 10 million things in the Buddha Dharma which I have not yet understood, but I have the great joy of having right faith, and right faith is what I'm talking to you about, I'm talking to you about the ground of your practice, the right faith.

[10:47]

You don't study, it's not the Buddha way to study Buddha's teaching, like, okay, that's something over there, and I'm going to be like a jerk who studies Buddhism, no, I'm studying the Buddha way, and by my study, I call to the Buddhas to join me in my study because I know that they like to accompany their students in the study. I invoke the Buddhas by every action. That's what I think is Dogen's faith, and then based on that faith, based on that way of practicing, practicing as Buddha's conduct, then you can study forever, learn more and more about Buddhism, it's very subtle and wonderful, all the teachings, to get more and more accurate understanding of all the different ways of helping people, helping people become free of delusion. I'm just sort of like, I want you to get a sense of how we sort of like set the ground

[11:49]

of the practice, and Grandmotherly Mind is the feeling of complete love for this practice of the Buddha way, which includes complete love for all beings, but not just love for all beings, but also love for the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha, part of all beings. So, I suggest to you again that this, the Buddha ritual, the ritual of making every activity an invocation, a calling from within the Buddha nature, this way of making every action an enactment of Buddha conduct, that is the Buddha way, and that's the same as what we call face-to-face transmission. Every action invoking Buddha is the enactment of the Dharma of only a Buddha and a Buddha.

[12:56]

This is how you make that strange way of talk in which we are told that the Dharma is realized, come into enactment, to be performed here. So, this morning I'm sitting, as you see, cross-legged, things are coming along well, I'm healing, but yesterday I had my knee up, but when I had my knee up, some people told me they thought it was cool to see me sitting with my knee up, but to me, you know, I was sitting like, I thought, hey, I'm sitting just like my statue of Avalokiteshvara, I have one with Avalokiteshvara sitting with the knee up like this. This can be Buddhism too. If this is an invocation of Avalokiteshvara, an invocation of Manjushri, no, I'm just invoking Avalokiteshvara, okay, fine, fine, maybe later Manjushri, like, anyway, some great Bodhisattva,

[14:06]

if you don't want to do them all, okay. And now I put my leg down, and I invoke Shakyamuni Buddha, or maybe I invoke Vairochana Buddha, with lots of Shakyamuni Buddhas all around. I call that up through this activity. I want this activity to make Buddha come into the world. I want to manifest the body of the Buddha. However, if you don't want to manifest the body of Buddha, you are totally welcome in the Buddhist community anyway, because the Buddhist community includes all beings. But if you want to know what the Buddha way is, the Buddha way is becoming a Buddha. It's not being a bystander. Someone also said to me yesterday something like, I wrote a little thing here, where is

[15:11]

it? Anyway, somebody said something like, well, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know if I really want to save all beings. A sentient being is somebody who doesn't want to save all beings. So there's quite a few people that don't want to save all beings. That's a sentient being. However, we have a message for people who don't want to save all beings. We have a message here which is, there is somebody who does want to save all beings. Actually, there's lots of beings who want to save all beings, and those beings who want to save all beings want to save you from not wanting to save the other beings. Also, even though you don't want to save all beings, if you don't want to save all beings,

[16:21]

then there's a message for you which is that there's a lot of other beings who don't want to save all beings, and you are actually practicing together with them right now. That even though you don't want to save all of them, and some of them don't want to save all of you, you're still living together. Those are your friends. Anyway, so like Sepoy says, since we're neighbors, why don't we be friends? There's a lot of people around you who do not want to save all beings. There's a lot of Buddhists who don't want to save George Bush or Dick Cheney. These are sentient beings. The Buddha does want to save everybody, and the Buddhists are practicing with the people who don't want to save everybody, and they're also practicing with people who want to save a lot of people but not everybody, and they're also practicing together with the ones who do want to save everybody, namely their compatriots, the other Buddhas. And

[17:22]

some of the people who don't want to save everybody would like to learn how to want to save everybody. They don't want to now, but they would like to learn how to want to. And invoking the presence of the Buddhas, you know, you invoke the presence of those who will teach you and help you actually open up your heart to this wonderful possibility is that you really would want to actually walk in the world for its welfare and make every action you do an action for the welfare of the world. Even though you don't quite feel that way now, you maybe say, well, I'd be willing to learn to feel that way. I'm willing to learn that. Now my wife told me I'm not supposed to tell

[18:28]

any stories about her, but this morning she did one which was so nice I think maybe I can tell her without getting in too much trouble. She was asking me to do some stuff around the house and I said, she said, I think she said, are you willing to do X? And I said, I'm willing. She said, will you? I said, I'm willing. She said, but you won't? I said, I said, I'm not perfect. And she said, I'm willing. The sutras say you are, but I say you're not. But then she said, but you are. Here's my picture, the flower I drew. Not perfect. Did I do it? Well, you know, this

[19:32]

is like she was asking for a long-term commitment. I drink green garlic water directly from, I don't put it through various filter systems. I take it from the tap and put it in glasses and drink it, which is fine with her if I want to drink it, but sometimes I put it in the teapot, so then she runs into it later. Some of this not purified green garlic water winds up in the teapot that she makes her tea with, and she doesn't want that tea. So she says, am I willing to not do that anymore? And I said, I was willing. I am willing, but will I do it? There are 10 million more things to get straightened

[20:32]

out here, but before I go on to the first of the 10 million, do you want to work with this thing, this kind of like business about making, you want to express some problems with making every action of body, speech, and mind an enactment of a Buddha conduct? Do you have some problem with that? Yes? The fear that I feel when I hear that is that if I practice the Buddha way, I can never slack off. I like to slack off. Can you slack off as an expression? Well, that's my question. Are you, would you, could you imagine like slacking off and then making your slacking off an invocation of Buddha? Like to stop and say, okay, now here I am, I'm Stephen the slacker, you know, now I'm going to make this slacking an invocation of Buddha. Okay, here Buddha, watch this, slack. And then kind of like, and Buddha says,

[21:39]

hey, what's happening, Steve? You know, and this was your way, you know, one of the ways of being a Buddhist conduct is to invite Buddhas to come to visit you. Do you want a slack and then keep the Buddhas away? Like, I want to slack off, but I don't want Buddhas in the room when I slack off. That wouldn't be right. If you slack off, then slack off doesn't mean lie, necessarily. It just means, I'm going to like slack off. Slack off just could mean, I'm going to rest now. I'm going to take a little break from this, from whatever it is that I'm working on, some good things, okay? I'm doing this good thing and that good thing, I'm going to slack off, I'm going to rest. But I invite Buddha to come and rest with me. Why don't you guys rest with me? Come on, ladies and gentlemen, Buddhas, join me in my, we're going to have a little relaxation, a little slacking off, please come to visit me. Then it's the Buddha way. But if you want to like withdraw from everybody and go over in the corner and slack off and be all by yourself, then you want to be miserable, right?

[22:45]

That's not the Buddha way. I would say not the Buddha way. Slacking off as an invocation of Buddha. Yes, that is the Buddha way. Buddhas are relaxed, they rest, but it's Buddha activity and also Buddha activity, again, is not the Buddha by himself or herself. It's the Buddha is the practicing with all beings and all Buddhas, that's Buddha's practice, and they are that way. When you're that way, when you make your slacking off that way, then you're not, then you're in accord with the Buddha way. But of course, it's also possible to say, I'd like to slack off in a way that's not the Buddha way, and I'm taking responsibility for that, and you do that, and you say, okay, I did it, and it was okay, but actually it's not the way

[23:48]

I want. So sometimes you have to try something to find out it's not really what you want. Does that make some sense? Yeah. So it's, so I don't know, did you have your hand raised, Gordon? You were going to? But you didn't. It's very subtle. Yes, so, please. In the not-too-recent past, you spoke and very clearly vowed to be an ordinary person. Yes. And for me, a contradiction or a difficulty would be to walk in shoes of an ordinary person and maintain a commitment to the law, to act in the way you described it today.

[24:49]

Good example. Yes, so we're talking about one of the recent seshis where we're studying the heroic stride samadhi of the Bodhisattva, right? And so, the Bodhisattva asked the Buddha, how does the Bodhisattva cultivate, what dharmas, what things does the Bodhisattva cultivate in order to cultivate the heroic stride samadhi of the Bodhisattva? And the Buddha says, the things you cultivate to cultivate the samadhi is you cultivate the things of an ordinary person, right? And in cultivating the things of an ordinary person, you come to understand through this cultivation that these things of an ordinary person are not conjoined with nor separate from the things of the Buddha. Remember that part? We have

[25:53]

the things of an ordinary person. If you want to practice this great samadhi of the Bodhisattvas, which is another name for what I'm talking about, Grandmotherly Mind, could also be called the heroic stride samadhi, where you're totally devoted to taking care of the things of an ordinary person, the events in the life of an ordinary person, and you take care of this, but as you take care of it, you take care of it in such a way that you realize these things are not the same as the Buddha things, and they're not different. In other words, you could translate that into, you invoke the Buddha into relationship with these ordinary things, and the relationship is not completely the same and not different, not completely different. It's an intimate relationship which transcends sameness and difference, or conjoined and separate. But you start with the ordinary things, that's why you start with walking down the street, eating lunch, brushing your teeth, having a posture, following a schedule,

[26:59]

not following a schedule, slacking off, these are things of an ordinary person, and you cultivate them. How? You cultivate them and take care of them so that you see their true relationship with the Buddha. Namely, they're not the same, they're not joined and they're not separate. And that's how an ordinary person can realize the non-divisibility of non-duality of ordinary person and the Buddha. That's how an ordinary person can realize how ordinary people are practicing together with all ordinary people and all Buddhas. And the grandmotherly mind part of it is that you really like realize that there's something very precious and fragile about this, and you have to take good care of it, otherwise you can lose it for days and weeks and months, and that's not so good to miss out on this.

[28:06]

So we want to use every opportunity. So during Sesshin we have a special environment where lots of supports are here for you to develop some continuity in caring for the things of an ordinary person in such a way that you realize the non-duality of the ordinary and the Buddha. Was there someone over here? There's a whole bunch of them. Mikhail? Yes, when I'm thinking about fully giving myself fully to the Buddha way, what I feel is there's so much fear in me. And I wonder what is that fear about, and I'm trying to figure it out, but it feels like, you know, one thing coming up is, what about all my current identity seems to be built up so much around preferences and my own personal priorities.

[29:13]

For example, family. For me, family is so important. And then my fear is like, well, if I commit fully, if I give myself fully, then do I have to let go of these, what I call preferences and priorities? Do I have to give myself fully to everything? And I think that this fear is like, I have to let go of my very secure and safe current identity. Does that make sense? Sure. So then the question is, what's a skillful way to deal with this challenge? On one side, there's this commitment, total commitment to the Buddha way, and on the other side, there's, of course, a total commitment to family, to those beings. And then there's preferences? Where'd that come from? We didn't mention total commitment to the preferences,

[30:19]

but somehow they get mixed in there, sort of, under the, sort of, I don't know how they got in there, but they're in there somehow. I think that the total commitment to family and total commitment to the Buddha way, when we contemplate that total commitment, then the guardians of the preferences say, wait a minute, what's going to happen to these? Some fear comes up of, well, would I, and again, so then the question arises after that, would I have to give up these preferences? So it's kind of like, if I would say, yes, you have to give them up, and then you would say, well, then I don't want a total commitment to the Buddha way or to my family, then I would say, oh, well, then we take it back. You can keep holding your preferences, then. But, and so that's enough for today. And the next day, the next day we say, how's this total commitment to the Buddha way and your family,

[31:24]

how's it going? Are they the same? Because I think, again, you know, like your wife could ask you to, you know, do something with the water system, and you know, you might have some preferences around that, but if you're totally devoted to your wife, you might feel like, what's going to happen to my preferences about the water system? So you just keep, like, contemplating this total devotion to beings and the Buddha way, and maybe you notice sometimes that when you do actually, like, dive into the total commitment, that you did let go, but it wasn't that you had to let go, it's just that the letting go happened. And then you notice, hey, it's okay, but before you dive in, if you think, well, I'd have to let go, then you may flinch, tighten up and say, well, you know, so then it's like, hey, relax, just forget about it for now, and then come back the next day and say, ready to dive into the total commitment? Maybe you forget about the, you know, the fear of losing your preferences, and you say, yes, and you dive and you find out they're gone for a while. You say, I still have preferences, but I don't have to hold on to them, they

[32:30]

just pop up, you know, I don't have to maintain them. So it's kind of like, how can we gently initiate ourselves into the path of giving up preferences? But giving up preferences doesn't mean you don't have them, it just means you're not scared to forget them, and therefore you don't have to hold on to them all the time, and walk around, you know, carrying them from one situation to the next, which then makes it hard for you to enjoy it, because you're so busy, like, I'd like to talk to you, but I can't remember all my preferences right now, so give me a few seconds here. You know what I mean? So, we have to help each other, like, loosen up and let go of our reservations about grandmotherly mind, and don't push too hard, because if we push too hard, we go into reaction, and then that

[33:34]

may not be helpful. So there's several men here, let's see. Richard? So one of the questions I have is, with my grandmotherly mind, is I can understand the schedules and the brushing of teeth, when I deal with other ordinary people that have problems sometimes, especially if you take a work environment where you're dealing with certain situations you have to fire people at, situations you have to not do on your job, or whatever, and you have to give them strong feedback. And when I hear grandmotherly mind, I guess I kind of think passivity. And my question is, can you have a little way to fire someone? Yeah, so that's a good question. Now, could you say, okay, it seems like this possibility of firing someone is here on the horizon. Now, can I actually, like, in the act of firing, you know, invoke the Buddha at that time? That's your challenge. Can you do that? I'm not sure.

[34:37]

Yeah, but you can try it. And, you know, yeah. I invoke the presence and compassion of the Buddha right now in this ceremony of so-called firing someone. The recipient won't feel the Buddha way, they may not, but they might not feel the Buddha way when you're hiring them either. They might not. They might say, well, he's hiring me, I appreciate it, but, you know, I just got what I wanted, that's great. But that may be just, you know, one more, you know, acquisition for this person and for you. You got a good employee or something. Not that this act of daily life of hiring someone or firing someone, that this was, that you are, you realize that if you skip over these opportunities, there may be none,

[35:41]

because these are the opportunities of an ordinary person. How do you cultivate the things of an ordinary person hiring and firing people? Let's say your only job was hiring and firing people. You were just hiring, that was your job. All day long you hired and fired. And that was like a big part of your life. How would you make that work into the Buddha way? That would be your job, to figure that out as a disciple of Buddha. And would the people you're dealing with realize and start to feel this practice? And some would and some wouldn't. Even Shakyamuni Buddha, not everybody could pick up on what he was doing. Even some monks didn't really appreciate the way he was teaching. But not everybody's ripe to hear and appreciate. But you keep working for the ripeness of all beings. And you practice patience

[36:45]

with the current level of ripeness, with yourself and with others. If you actually thought that firing someone was harmful, that would be very difficult to say. This harmful thing is an invocation of Buddha. Then you might say, okay, I cannot see it, therefore I want to do this thing instead, which is invocation of Buddha. This way of firing a person violates the precepts. And I do not use violation of the precepts to invoke Buddha, usually. Well, that was my question. Whether under any circumstances, without an answer, you can take the precepts without invoking Buddha?

[37:47]

Yeah, if, one of the main examples that comes to mind is, if telling a lie, in a sense, benefits beings to the best you can tell, and you feel at telling a lie, and then as you tell the lie, you sincerely wish to invoke the presence of the Buddhas, you would be happy. If all the Buddhas were standing, or at least six Buddhas, or one Buddha was standing right next to you when you told the lie, you'd be happy. You'd say, okay, boss, watch this. Okay, watch. The example I often think of, your daughter comes to see you, she's going out on a date, she's got all dressed up, she looks, you know, terrible, through your eyes, through your eyes, and she's going to go out, looks like, and she says, how do I look, Dad? And you say, you are just wonderful, you know, or you look great. And you say that because you think if you tell her what you see, it would harm her. That's what you feel. And you've got Buddha standing right next to you,

[38:49]

and you're not ashamed to say this, even though Buddha knows you don't really feel that way. And you do it as an invocation. You might be wrong later, but that was your intention. But strictly speaking, it wasn't really what you thought. That's a possibility. You can possibly think of some. Also, if you can't see, if someone's hungry or someone needs some blood or something, and you can't see that this food or blood is being offered to you to give to them, you might think, I think I should take that and give it to them, even though I don't see how it's given right now, I don't see. But you might be happy for all the Buddhas to see you do it. Not be ashamed and feel like, I think this is the best thing to do, even though this precept doesn't really, I can't see how this precept works in this time.

[39:49]

So it is possible, but the point is you are invoking actually the Buddha, rather than over your understanding of what's going on. And the question is, would you really feel happy if everybody was there to see you do that? Is there any hiding going on? Check that. Does that make some sense? So whatever you do... What? Usually it doesn't. It makes it difficult to follow them in a sense that it's a very high standard. For example, when it comes to, I don't know what, any one of them, like if you are thinking of drinking something, does this drink actually benefit all beings?

[40:55]

When you drink water, does it benefit all beings? When you drink alcohol, does it benefit all beings? If it doesn't, invoke Buddha, you wouldn't drink it. It seems strict, but it's not really strict, and it's not really not strict. It's more like you make everything you're doing into a ritual. You don't drink water just to get water, although you do get the water maybe, or at least it heads towards your mouth. You drink water in order to perform the Buddha way. And you will be supported to live some amount of time to practice the Buddha way. And also, if you don't practice the Buddha way, you will be supported to live a certain amount of time. Either way, you're going to live for as long as you live. The question is, what do you want to do? So if you drink, if you receive something,

[41:59]

whatever you receive, you receive as a ritual, as an enactment, as a performance of the Buddha way. And you do this with everybody. So you say, this is my receiving of this. And somebody says, I don't think that was given to you. And you receive that too. So it sets a very high standard in one way. But what's the problem with that? Bodhisattva precepts are very high standard. They're the precepts for people who want to be Buddhas. So not taking what's not given, if you think it's given, then fine. Then check it out with everybody that you can see to see if it is given. If you think drinking something would be beneficial, fine. Check it out with everybody. If you think sexual relationship of a certain time would be beneficial, check it out with everybody. So when students who are training with someone, a teacher, are considering some kind of sexual relationship,

[43:04]

they tell their teacher, they say, Teacher, I'm thinking of this kind of sexual relationship. I think this would be, and the teacher says, Well, would this be beneficial to all concerned? The person says, Well, actually, oh yeah, no. Not necessarily for this person. Well then, forget it. You just do the sexual relationships that are beneficial to all beings. You just drink the alcohol that's beneficial to all beings. That everybody would like. So I often tell the story of when I was in Japan, visiting a Zen master named Mumon Roshi, and I was visiting with a former abbot of Zen center, Richard Baker. I was his attendant on the trip. We went to visit Mumon Roshi. It was Mumon Roshi's birthday, and so they like when big Westerners go to visit the Zen temples, the Zen monks sometimes like to see how much alcohol they can drink. So they force the alcohol on us, you know,

[44:09]

and every time you put your cup up and they pour alcohol on it, and then if you just set it down, they keep pushing you to drink some. And if you drink some, they fill it again. And if you just set it down, they keep pushing you to drink, and empty, and fill, and empty. And so at one point, Richard Baker Roshi turned to me and said, You know, if you accept, they'll leave me alone. So, you know, I accepted. And to this day, for all I know, my intaking all that alcohol was beneficial to the whole world. I don't know that that hurt anybody. I was a younger man. You know, I processed that stuff. I didn't get drunk. I didn't want to get drunk. For a while there, I wanted not to get drunk. I was resisting. But when I was resisting, they kept forcing him. So he said, Please, you know, protect me. So I said, Okay, do it to me.

[45:12]

And they did it to me, and they left him alone. They left everybody else alone. They just kept pouring it on me. And I just took it in and passed it through, and I didn't get drunk. And I was amazed that I didn't get drunk. It was amazing. I didn't want to get drunk or not want to get drunk. I was just serving as a conduit for alcohol. And it just went into me and warmed Kyoto, and that was it. You can be like that sometimes. When you're not so much concerned about, you're just doing whatever, you know, would benefit all as you can see. Now maybe somebody in Cuba or something had a problem with that. I don't know. But I don't think so. I don't think anybody had a problem with that. Maybe some people, if I tell this story, they think, Oh no, a Zen priest should not be drinking that much. It wasn't intoxicating for me at that time. Other times, one little sip of sake,

[46:14]

and it was sake and beer, one little sip could be intoxicating. If I took that sip to intoxicate myself, people almost never want me to get drunk. So usually if I drink with the intention of getting drunk, I'm the only person that wants me to get drunk. Really. People might want me to drink a little bit, but they don't particularly want me to get drunk. But if I want to get drunk, if I take a tiny bit and I think, Oh, I hope this makes me a little high, then I'm doing something just for me, all by myself. I'm not doing it as, May this drinking invoke the Buddha. When you want to invoke Buddha, you're not concerned about, Hey, I hope this makes me a little high. You don't think that way. But if you do, Oh, I hope this makes me a little high. I hope that makes Buddha come here. Fine. If you're that kind of like kinky. Okay.

[47:17]

Get the picture. Set the highest standard. That's what these precepts are about. The highest standard is the Buddha. You never know. Right. It's not that you never know. You never know until you realize it. No, no. You will someday know the ultimate. The point is, you are trying to become the Buddha. And then when you're Buddha, you'll know you're Buddha. It won't be a big deal at the time, but the most important thing is to be Buddha, not so much that you know it. The question is not that you know what Buddha is. The question is, do you want to be with Buddha? And sometimes people actually do not want Buddha in their house. They want to do something that isn't beneficial to all beings, and they wouldn't want Buddha there. And not wanting Buddha around, I don't think that's... that's not it.

[48:19]

Being willing to have Buddha in your house, in your face, that's the Bodhisattva way. Zazen is actually being willing to have Buddha right there with you. And it is mindful that the intention is to help beings. And also that while you did it, you really felt okay about Buddha being there with you and pointing out to you if it was off. If you feel like, if I feel like I'm sneaking off someplace to do something for me that nobody else would like, then I'm not invoking Buddha at that time. I'm not invoking a Buddha to be with me. What are the things you do? What are the things you think? What are the things you say that you would like to invite Buddha to do them with you? Those are the things

[49:21]

that are invoking Buddha. Or when you invoke Buddha, that means you say, okay, Buddha, come and hold my hand, let's walk together into that bar, into this shopping area. And maybe you won't buy anything, maybe you will, but you're going to buy it with Buddha. And sometimes Buddha may say, don't buy that. And you have a little argument with Buddha. You know, and I don't do this practice, actually, but, you know, at this point in my life, I don't do this practice, because I'm always having an attendant wherever I go. Always having somebody from the community, they're watching me. You know, like when I go to the bathroom, you know, at a public bathroom, to bring somebody in the bathroom with me,

[50:23]

to be with me, just sort of like remember that the Buddhas are watching me. But it's kind of a good practice. Take Buddha with you wherever you go. Invoke Buddha with everything you do. And if you do that, some of the things you still may go ahead and do, but you may feel, I don't know if this is really so helpful, what I'm doing here. It's a little bit too much here. I'm going too far. Or not far enough. Chris? Yeah, I'm a little bit confused with the terminology, like performing. Yes? Just the whole performance thing. It kind of just throws me off a little bit, but I get something separate from me. It's a good way to get something separate from who I actually am. I have to change who I am. No, I'm saying the other way around,

[51:24]

is that you probably already think Buddha is separate from you. You probably think that when you're rock climbing, that's what you're doing, rather than that's invoking Buddha. I think that's what you think. Right? So you already feel separate. I'm saying make your rock climbing the performance of the Buddha way. Make your rock climbing an invocation of Buddha, so that you feel that that activity is performing the Buddha way, not just rock climbing. So the Buddha isn't separate from you. Make your performance the performance of the Buddha way. Make your performance the performance of the Dharma, the enactment of the teaching, so it is not separate from you. Right. Yeah.

[52:26]

Well, Buddha way wants to reach us, and we want it to reach, and we want it to be reached, but we have, you know, some kind of habitual resistance to that process, some fears, that some karmic development due to ignorance, that sort of interferes with that process. Was there a hand back there? Yes. To me it feels simple-minded, and it involves doing complex, like am I doing it like Buddha would do it? You know, you have to monitor

[53:31]

who you're doing it to. If Buddha would do it this way, and then you ask, well, who is doing that? I want to read you some scriptures, just to show how, you know, how it is in teaching. Whether teachings and approaches are mastered, reality constantly flows. So that whether you bow, whether you know when to bow, whether you know Buddha or not, the truth is here. Now that's what we originally touched. I mean, there was a time when there were no rituals. And yet, some of those, we call them Buddha. And from that, the original, the ritual developed. But before all those, the truth is there and the truth is here still. And that's what we sit in the middle of. Well, that's enough.

[54:32]

That's enough. That's good enough to start with. True eternity still flows, you know. So you have these approaches, you know, sudden and gradual approaches and all that stuff, but true eternity still flows. I agree. We have to also empty the Buddha and not make the Buddha into a solid thing. I agree. So we don't want to make the Buddha into a, into some kind of like fundamentalist thing. I agree. And that, what you're reading from, I agree with that text, and that text is a text that has in there this thing about inquiry and response come up together. It's the same text that I'm using. We're looking at the same text. And you're looking at the part which empties the Buddha, which I agree with. But I'm trying to, first of all, get you to look at the Buddha and relate to the Buddha, and then we can empty it. And I agree with you that at the beginning of the Buddha way, there were no rituals, there were just Buddha and the guys.

[55:32]

And then the rituals developed later to help beings as, you know, find a way to join the Buddha. But we don't want to make these things substantial. If we make them substantial, it gets fundamentalist. I agree. But to... Pardon? If we have to constantly ask whether Buddha would do it this way, would it be silent and intrusive? No, it's not so much would Buddha do it this way? Like... Huh? Yeah, right. It's not so much... So when I heard on the radio, you know, would Jesus wear a Rolex? And now recently I saw in a paper in the New Yorker it says

[56:35]

what kind of furniture would Jesus buy? You know? So my feeling about that is not so much what would Jesus do or what would Buddha do, because we don't know. I think the only way you know is to become Buddha. So I'm just asking, do you want to become Buddha? Not so much you should try to imagine what Buddha would do, but just do you want to become Buddha? I don't know what Buddha is, but do you want to become Buddha? I'm not telling you what Buddha is, I'm saying even though you don't know what it is, do you want to become Buddha? Even though you don't know what the most skillful, compassionate, wise person would do, do you want to become such a person? That's all I'm asking. And if you do, I'm suggesting invoke it. And don't invoke it just on Thursdays, or just, you know, anytime, invoke it all the time. That's all I'm saying. If that's fundamentalism,

[57:37]

I'm surprised. But I don't mind being surprised. What's the question? I think the question I thought was do you want to become Buddha? That's the first question. And do you think that Buddhas are those who... Do you want to love all beings? Do you want to learn how to do that? The Buddha that I'm talking about loves all beings. He loves me, he loves you, he loves all beings, and is devoted to all beings.

[58:37]

Do you want to be like that? If so, then I'm saying, well, let's be that way then. And I'm saying, let's be that way all the time. And have everything we do be an offering to that orientation, if we want that. And I'm also proposing that I, myself, don't always keep track of this action as a gesture towards devotion to all or each being. But I want to. That's my question. My answer is, well, at least I'd like to be that way or learn to be that way. This... Can I call on... I think you were from a long time ago. Yes. I didn't say that.

[60:01]

I didn't say you were already Buddha. My wife said I was already Buddha. According to... Everybody I know is quite effortful. You know, everybody I know makes a lot of effort. So I see effortful beings left and right, forward and backward. I'm surrounded by them all day long and I'm one of them. We're cooking in effort. The question is, is the effort devoted to the Buddha? Is the effort an act of invocation of the Buddha way?

[61:01]

Is that the kind of effort it is? And I'm suggesting that Dogen Zenji is saying make every effort you do make into the effort for the sake of the Buddha way. That's all. That's what he's saying over and over again. And he's saying that you need to be kind of intense about that. You know, not sort of laissez-faire about, well, yeah, sure, I'll do it once in a while. No, like taking care of your only child, you take care of that, of the Buddha way. And you make everything you do for the Buddha way, for the welfare of all beings. You are trying to learn to be devoted to all beings, and that means every being. And we're recognizing that there are some beings we don't really feel wholeheartedly devoted to, but we accept that, and we want to learn how to be

[62:02]

more devoted to all beings. And we want the skills of compassion and wisdom to unfold that devotion in the most beneficial way. It's pretty simple, but of course it's a little bit challenging. But this is my question. May I? Yeah. During the course of the day, I experience dismay, jealousy, anger, happiness, but a lot of negative things. Yes. Of course, it is a state of... It is a situation that makes me suffer. I'd like to be free from suffering. Yes. I would prefer to not have the jealousy, anger, aversion, and all that. So, I'm willing to invoke Buddha to be there with me

[63:03]

in the midst of my negativity, just to be there with me. I hope that by invoking Buddha in this way, something will be transformed so that eventually I will be free from the pain and the aversion. Sounds great. That's a wonderful vow. And I think it's true that if in the midst of our negativity we reach out and offer our hand to Buddha to accompany us through this darkness and confusion, that having Buddha at our right side or our left side, or both, Buddha's not going to really do anything, but Buddha might say to us, Well, how are you doing? Well, I've got this problem and that problem. And Buddha might help us look and see what's going on. And in fact, that's what Buddha does.

[64:06]

Buddha asks suffering beings, How's it going? And they look and see, and they wake up. Bernard? I want to become Buddha. But I do see certain hindrances that seem to pervade. I spoke about it last week in one of my classes. I started to mention something about the self and the absence of self. And I'm beginning to see that everybody that spoke today might say, it seems like the self is a big factor here where there's a big hindrance of taking a fundamentalist view of the self and how that manifests and using these constituents of what makes up the self

[65:07]

in sort of forms of solid sort of obstacle. And actually, I contemplated it in the last couple of days, just the difference, and actually the sameness between absence of self and self are the same thing, exactly the same thing. It's just that one is, like you were talking about the wholeness earlier. And it seems to be breaking down this sort of... And I think last week when I started to speak about this, it was when somebody praises you, and then all of a sudden you become self-conscious because they praise you, and then you then have a choice to continue what you're doing or not do what you're doing. But when I can see that the absence of self and the self are the same thing, then it seems to sort of wash out all notion

[66:09]

of self and not self. Okay, so now this discussion is a discussion of absence of self and self? Yeah. Or self and not self. Or the notion of self and not self. Yeah. So this is a discussion of, you know, it can be translated into form and emptiness. And as we discussed before in the class, form and emptiness are actually conceptually different, but not different in being. But they're not really the same, it's just that they're inseparable. They're an identity, and an identity, the way I would use the word identity, is two things that are conceptually different, but not different in being. And self and not self are conceptually different,

[67:13]

they're not the same, but you can't have one existing without the other. You take away one, you don't have the other. So, in the book on the Buddha, in this sense, would it be to be fully aware of the constituents that make up the absence of the self, and the self. The self, not our form, emptiness. So invoking the Buddha would be realizing what constitutes the wholeness of these two. Yeah, that would be great. But if that doesn't happen when you invoke Buddha, don't get discouraged. At least be happy that when Bernard did it, it happened. Well, I'm just intending to break it down into boundaries, so while we're talking about fundamentals, let's sort of,

[68:13]

let's go predict, you know, this idea of the Buddha, or invoking the Buddha, then it's the exact same thing. Yeah, we want to break down the boundaries, or we want to deconstruct all the categories of existence. That's what we want to do in order to understand emptiness, and this devotion to making everything into a ritual of the Buddha way is, I'm suggesting that, as a way to enter into the practice of studying emptiness. Let's see, it's getting a little late. John? Why was Tetsuhi tonight unable to realize that mother of mine and his work in the kitchen? Was it because he was not invoking the Buddha in the fashions of the cook, or was that not an opportunity? I think he thought,

[69:15]

it looks to me like he thought, and partly because of the tradition he came from. He came from a tradition where they emphasized, you know, what do you call it, the inherent Buddha nature of all beings, okay, so that whatever you do was the Buddha way. So in one sense, that sounds similar to making everything the Buddha way. But again, this distinction is very subtle, to say the difference between everything you do embodies Buddha, which is undermines ethics, and the other is the commitment to make every action as the Buddha conduct. And he maybe did it the first way, and he was very energetic to devote himself

[70:16]

to the welfare of the monastery, and he took very good care of the monks. But he thought there was something to Buddhism besides just the rituals of practice. He thought there was something like Buddha nature besides our daily life, apparently. Hmm? I can't hear you, say it again. Just before our daily life. Yeah, something like something before, something prior. And that's just a reflection of the belief in self, that we think there's something there before our mind makes things happen. But actually, there aren't things before our mind makes them. There isn't a Buddha nature, or a Buddha,

[71:17]

before our mind makes the Buddha. That's why you must do the things in order to realize the Buddha rather than whatever you do realizes the Buddha which is there before. That's sort of the inherent nature being Buddha. Some people think, oh, that's an existent inherent nature that then we can just unfold. But there is no inherent Buddha nature there prior to our performance of it. It's simultaneous. And that was hard for him to get. That's subtle. It's hard for us to get that because that's actually a way to get at no self. But no self coexists with self. Emptiness coexists with form but they're not the same. And we tend to go on the form side. And then, being on the form side, we think the form was there before our mind made it. We think the Buddha nature

[72:18]

was there before our mind made it. But there's no a priori Buddha Dharma. There's no a priori Buddha way. So that's why we must, if we want to realize Buddha, we must make this current thing that's happening, we must give it over for the sake of, whatever you want to say, the Buddha way, all beings practicing together with Buddha, if you want to realize it. But it's getting a little late so I think we can continue this discussion some other day, if that's all right. Okay? May our intention

[73:22]

equally penetrate...

[73:25]

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