help me get to the Sixth Consciousness or they come with the Sixth Consciousness, I can't exactly tell which happens first. I mean, not the Sixth Consciousness, but the inactive Sixth Consciousness. Right around coming to that place of not judging right and wrong, the tears come. I can't tell if they get me there or if when I realize how ridiculous it is to judge, good and bad. Or not so much how it's ridiculous to judge, but how ridiculous it is to fall for the judgment. And I see how silly it is. And then the tears come. Again, I'd be grateful. I had another dog experience. I already told some of you this story, but I'll tell it again.

[01:10]

I had a female dog, her name was Lara, and she was pregnant and getting near to the time of delivering her babies. And when dogs, I guess when also human females get close to delivering a baby, of course, various kinds of blood and other materials start coming out of the birth canal, right? Sort of kind of oozing red material. So she was doing that. And she was carrying on her life as usual, but I didn't want her to carry on her life as usual because I didn't want her to get blood all over my bed and all over my tan carpet. So I told her to stay on her own bed and breathe on her own bed. Get over there on the bed. and I told her.

[02:15]

Anyway, a little bit later I came into the house and went into my room and there was my dear dog up sitting on my pillow, my white pillow. Well, bleeding all over my white pillow. My white pillow had red goo all over it. So I said to my dog, Get out of here. And she did. She left and went over to her bed in the next room. Then I went over to clean up the mess and I noticed that behind the pillow were six little babies. Well, I woke up a little bit to what's going on. went and bowed to my dog, and said, hey, go back in line with him.

[03:21]

Now I was such a fool that my dog, when I told her to leave, she left her own puppies because I asked her to. Because she, you know, such a good dog. Again, if I say she's a good dog, now don't you think you should be that way? Don't let that push you around. But it probably does. That's the bad part. That's the scary part. How to be respectful enough of people. How to respect the child in yourself, the newborn baby in yourself, and the newborn baby in other people. Again, if a newborn baby comes in here, we don't even expect it to walk. Not to mention, we don't mind if it shuffles its feet. But when you're 28, we think, oh, you can lift those feet.

[04:24]

You're acting like a newborn baby. Snap out of it and lift those feet. Higher. Do a goose step. So, One of the ways to realize this difficult-to-realize state of having inactive sixth consciousness is by tremendous respect for your experience and for other people's activity. So much respect that you free yourself somehow of discriminating consciousness. And respect for your own practice too, and respect for sitting. and devotion to yourself, to your experience, and to other people's activity. Maybe this can overcome. Occasionally people give us wonderful lessons that wake us up, but on a daily basis we have to work hard to respect them.

[05:26]

I-E-S-P-E-C-T Give it to me! It's like a pivot. This kind of yoga of respect, or devotion to all things, which again, as I said yesterday, everything's saying, I'm empty, sit still. That's a yoga that can be done when you're sitting, but also when you're walking around, both ways, socially and in your internal yogic work. But it's hard to keep it up, to not slip off. Really hard.

[06:28]

We get a lesson, we wake up and we relax and we cry. We respect everything and we stop discriminating, and then a few minutes later we harden up again. Get your head in. Start functioning. Get that job done. You know, we like clean pillowcases, right? Put our head down on. We don't want blood all over the pillowcase. But really, when it comes down to it, I mean, what are we here for? Well, we're here partly to have clean pillowcases, but we wouldn't even be able to enjoy clean pillowcases if it weren't for blood in the first place, if it weren't for that messy situation there around our mother's rear end. We didn't use up that space, all these clean pillowcases and fine linen and lovely silverware and shiny boots

[07:38]

we wouldn't be able to enjoy them. So once everything's all polished up we sometimes forget how messy our origin is and how there, if it isn't even messy how our origin is then we don't even mind messes. When I was a little boy I used to take the stuff that came out of my body and make it into projectiles and toss it around. I didn't know it was messy. I didn't know it was right or wrong. Master Shang Dao of the Stone Grotto said, haven't you seen a baby when it first comes out of a womb?

[08:47]

Has a baby ever said at that time, I know how to read the scriptures? Of course, Shakyamuni Buddha did say, I'm the Lord of Honor. Otherwise, most babies don't say that. I mean, all babies say, I'm the world-honored one, but they don't say, I can read scriptures, or do that. They don't know the meaning of having, or not having, a good image. I'll take one step back. I agree, all babies say, I'm the world-honored one. Because they are. They are the World Honored One. At that time, everyone says, Oh my God, a Buddha! But they don't know the difference between the meaning of having or not having Buddha nature.

[10:00]

In other words, they're free of that whole koan. But, little by little, They learn all kinds of stuff. Acquire all sorts of knowledges. And they can say, well, I'm able to keep mine. Well, this is not a quote now from John Donne. I keep my pillowcases clean. I understand. But they don't know that this is just troubling over misery dust. They're getting good at causing themselves misery.

[11:03]

Among the sixteen contemplations, the baby's practice is best. When she's babbling, ba-ba-wa-wa, she symbolizes the person studying the void. With her detachment from the sixth consciousness, from discrimination, which grasps and rejects, which reaches core and the boys. That's why I'm praising the little ones. If I

[12:13]

do this through comparison, using the baby as a case, that's okay. But if I say the baby is the path, people will misunderstand. So anyway, in Zen we don't keep quiet, even though, boy, it can be a lot simpler, in a way. and it wouldn't cause so much trouble. Anyway, we open our mouth and we get in trouble. We say things and these things get into discriminations and so on. We get caught and then we have to cry to remember. Now, springtime, what does Shakespeare say about April?

[13:46]

Did he say that April was the cruelest? Is it T.S. Eliot? What's T.S. Eliot say? T.S. Eliot. What? April showers may bring flowers. April showers... Oh, I thought it was April showers may bring flowers. No, April showers may flowers. Anyway, April is the cruelest month of the year. Why? It's such a nice time. I guess it's because life comes. Cruel life. Painful life. And a couple of days ago was the four year anniversary of the board meeting at Zen Center where we asked Richard Baker to take a leave of absence. Four years. During those four years, just about every day I chant the lineage, the Dharma lineage.

[14:53]

And for four years, just about every day when I get to his name, I have a problem about whether to say it or not. Some days during the past four years I couldn't say it. Other days I said it with a taste in my mouth. And some days I said it and it was okay. Right there is the sixth consciousness functioning, trying to decide, is this person a teacher or not? But who am I?

[15:55]

And what things have I done in my ancient twisted karma? Probably I've done every terrible thing. Not I've done, but somehow I'm connected with whatever. Who am I to go around judging somebody else? So I try to say it, no matter how I feel. This morning I didn't think I would be able to say it. But the crying during breakfast allowed me to say it. Allowed me to say his name in connection with the Dharma. Theoretically we all know the Dharma flows into everything, into everything.

[17:01]

There's no place it doesn't reach. There's no name, no name that's not the name of Buddha. So why can't I say this name? It's ridiculous. But even so, sometimes it's hard to say, to look at this person and say, so-and-so Buddha. We know we should be able to do that somehow. The stimulating consciousness says, wait a minute, not this one! No! This is pushing it too far. So, I thought about, you know, I chant his name with other people, so I thought, well I'm not going to say his name, not because Not because I can't say his name, but because I want the other people to know... I don't want them to think I'm not having... I don't want to pretend as though I'm not having a hard time.

[18:05]

I want them to know that today is a hard day to say it. I want them to know that. But when the time came, it wasn't hard to say it. I had already given up my arrogance that I can decide not to say it. If Adolf Hitler was your teacher, would you then decide not to say his name? Could you decide that? Are you better than Adolf Hitler? Am I better than Adolf Hitler? Before I cry, I am better than Adolf Hitler. A lot better. But when I start crying, boy, I can't even hold that up anymore. Does a baby know they're better than Adolf Hitler? A newborn baby? throwing a ball instead of flowing water.

[19:06]

Nothing holds up. All the dharma, all the good guys, all the good girls are just background music to emptiness. Nothing stands. But it's hard to live that way. It's hard. One of Jaojo's pals was named Tozu. Tozu is the great-grandson of Sekito Gisen. And so the monk says, what do you think about this throwing a ball in fast-flowing water? And he said, moment after moment, non-stop flow.

[20:10]

This is Zhaozhou's pal. They have the same mind. One day a monk came to Tōzō and said, All sounds are the sounds of the Buddha. Right or not right? And Tōzō said, Right. And the monk said, Teacher, Does your asshole make farting sounds?" Toji hit him. This monk then asked, Are all words names of Buddha? Toji said, Yes. He said, Teacher, are you an asshole? Toji hit him. It's not so easy.

[21:39]

Anyway, I had no idea I wouldn't cry during this talk, so now I have some to start off with. If you see me cry, you can do whatever you want. You can laugh, you can cry, but I'm not kidding. When I'm crying, I'm happy. And you can cry and be happy too. So what is it? Dan Wang says, I could cry or laugh. I prefer laughing. I prefer crying. When I laugh, people don't understand me. But now you understand me, I think. You see me crying. Don't worry. You don't have to cheer me up. But you can try and bring presence. Now I'd like to read you a poem, which I did not dare show off by trying to memorize.

[22:51]

It's too long. This is a poem which was going to be read at the installation ceremony of this crybaby. But it's too long, so we didn't read it. Now I'll read it to you. It's called, The Road to Shoe is Hard. It's written by, um, Guido Barros. I mean, we both. It's, I think, about the dark night of the soul. The road to Shu is hard. Alas! Behold! How steep. How high. Oh, by the way, you know what Shu is?

[23:52]

Shu is where that lady Abbas is from. Shu is Sichuan, you know. Sichuan is in the southwestern part of China. It's the part of China that goes up into Tibet, you know. It's got these huge mountains in it. And it's a very nice place. It's one of the richest parts of China, but very hard to get there. In the old days they called it Shu. Alas, behold, how steep, how high. The road to Shu is hard, harder than climbing to the heavens. The two kings, Zhang Song and Yu Fu, opened up the land in the dim past. 48,000 years since that time, sealed off from the frontier of Qin. The great white peak blocks the west approach. A bird track just wide enough to be laid across the top of Mount Ome.

[24:57]

Earth tottered, mountains crumbled, brave men perished. And then came stone hanging bridges, sky ascending ladders interlocked. Above on the highest point, the sixth dragon peak curls around the sun. Below, the gushing, churning torrents turn rivers around. White geese cannot fly across, and the gibbons give up in despair of climbing. How the mud mountain twists and turns, nine bends within a hundred steps, zigzagging up the cliffside to where one can touch the stars, breathless.

[26:17]

beating my breast, I heave alongside and sit down. May I ask if you expect to return traveling so far west? Terrifying road, inaccessible mountain peaks lie ahead, where one sees only dismal birds howling in the ancient woods, where female and male fly round and round. One also hears cuckoos crying beneath the moon at night. Grief overfills the empty mountain. The road to Shu is hard, harder than climbing to the heavens.

[27:27]

Just hearing these words turns one's cheeks pale. Peak upon peak, less than a foot from the sky, where withered pines hang inverted in sheer cliffs, where cataracts and roaring torrents noisily clamor, dashing upon rocks, a thunderclap from 10,000 glens. In an impregnable place like this, I sigh and ask, why should anyone come here from so far away? Here the dagger peak stands erect and sharp. 10,000 people can't advance. Should those on guard prove untrustworthy, they could have turned into leopards and wolves.

[28:33]

Mornings, one runs away from fierce tigers. Evenings, One runs away from long snakes. They gnash their teeth and suck human blood. They maul down people like him. The Brocade City might be a place for pleasure, but it's far better to hurry home. The road to Shew is hard, harder than climbing to the heavens. Sidewise, I look westward and heave alongside. Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare,

[30:22]

unsurpassed, penetrating, and perfect Dharma. His early medley of even a hundred thousand million couplets, I have had the hate to see and listen to, to remember and accept. I vow to Now this session surprises me, even though I shouldn't be surprised, because they're all surprising.

[32:17]

I thought after doing a two-week session this would be so easy. But we always adjust. Maybe if we had a two-day session we'd have a hard time too. This one actually seems to be harder, because I guess it's our last chance to have a hard time before we get a different conversation. People are very gifted, emotionally. I was in the lobby at the Zen Center in San Francisco, and I was talking to someone, and she was going... You know, and I said, well, see you later, and she said, okay, see you later.

[33:25]

And she went into the office, into the third office, and talked to one of the people that works there and closed the door. And I came in there, you know, a couple seconds later, and she was just totally screaming and hollering, crying and ranting and raving. And I thought, boy, that is something. And then I closed the door. No, I didn't close the door. I went in the room and she stopped and said, Hi, how are you? Turn it off, turn it on, turn it off. We can do that, we're just, we're great. So, we can do that. That's one of our gifts. My text today, this is my text today.

[34:28]

second tape recorded this is a designer box how will you still fucking will be moving I'm not supposed to talk about myself, some people say, but I'm going to anyway. Break the taboo. I appear to be an armored tank to some people, which is true, I am. I can do that. I love that side of myself. Armored tank. I can mow a head through.

[35:47]

through lots of shit. And I'd love to build my ability to do that. But inside, uh, you know, is Anderson's Soup. Does everybody know about Anderson's Soup? It's a popular soup in California. See signs for Anderson's Soup on trips in there? And what I mean is inside it's all mushy, and uh, and soft and swirling around. So I don't deny the tank-like surface, it's true, it's there and I enjoy that, but also, that's not the whole story, that's just half the story. I saw this cartoon in the New Yorker, There's one of my favorite cartoonists, his name is, I think, Booth.

[36:53]

You know Booth? The New Yorker? Usually his cartoons have a picture of these two scuzzy people. Usually this old lady and this old man. And then they usually have some number of dogs and cats. Sometimes 20 cats and 3 dogs. And what I learned from studying those cartoons is that what I do is, first of all, I read the caption. then I look at the people, and then I look at the dogs. So, like, I don't know, one of them is, one of the cartoons that just comes to mind is, I think I can look at the picture, read the caption, and then look at the dog. So one of the pictures is this guy, this sort of tall, skinny gentleman in a coat, I was talking to this little squat, dirty little mechanic in a garage, and the mechanic says to him something like, there's nothing wrong with your car that money can't fix.

[38:01]

And you look at the dog, and the dog's going, Sometimes the caption gets you, then sometimes the picture gets you, but the dog always gets you. Triple punch. And that's like Zen Center too, you know, if you look at, maybe if you look at this person, that person, but there's somebody that's going... So this is my text, and the first page of it is, Respect for the Child is the Focus.

[39:07]

And what I mean by that is, does a newborn baby have the sixth consciousness? And Jaojo said, like throwing a ball on swift-flowing water. So as I explained, that can be understood as the discriminating consciousness of a baby is functioning, they have it, it's intact, but they have not yet learned to discriminate between good and bad, between insult and compliment, and so on, between pleasant and unpleasant. They have pleasant-unpleasant sensations, but they don't discriminate good and bad among them, or say this is that. So this is why we respect the baby, especially the newborn baby, because they teach us something very precious.

[40:37]

They show us directly something very precious. Another thing I want to tell you about next page of the lecture is also about me, and that I'm built in a funny way, I guess, maybe not so funny, but maybe not so usual. And that is, I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I'm relaxed and unafraid. and open and released. So this morning during breakfast I cried all the way through breakfast.

[41:40]

That's often the time I'm most likely to cry because all those fluids are so encouraging. But I wasn't crying because I was sad, I was crying because I was happy. I didn't really get into it as much as I might have if nobody else was around, but I was happy to cry. I felt released and awakened. And then I went and chanted the lineage over in my room, and I could barely chant it, and I said thank you to the other people there who were helping me chant it because if they weren't there I wouldn't have been able to get through it. But not because I was sad but because I was crying. But I was enjoying it. And I didn't realize until after they left that they thought I was sad.

[42:43]

One of them came back and gave me some flowers and said she wanted to cheer me up. So I said thank you. But actually When I cry, I always cry because I'm happy. When I'm having a hard time, I get tense. And the eyes dry up. So I'm kind of maybe built the opposite way from some people, right? Externally tank, internally mush. Tears mean happiness. Dry eyes mean I'm having a hard time. So you can see I'm usually having a hard time, because I'm not crying all the time. Yesterday I had a really hard time, but I also, in the midst of the hard time, I cried and had a wonderful time.

[43:46]

So don't worry if you see me crying. Robin, you broke your hand? Did you break your hand? How are you feeling? Is it painful? I mean, you can't go Swimming? Can't walk in the stream. You want a scrap or something? And Tom had a hard time too. Lost your wallet? Part of it. Got part of it back? When I'm putting gas in the car, I sometimes put the gas cap on top of the car and then drive away from the gas station, and the gas cap falls off the car someplace between the gas station and Chicago.

[45:14]

Some people do that with their babies. Yeah, I heard about these people. They got in the car, and they're on a trip, and they're driving along, and they said, gee, Sarah's awfully quiet. And then they said, yeah, she is. And then they looked back and Sarah wasn't there, the little baby. And then they said, when did you last see her? I said, well, I put the baby basket on the roof of the car. So they stopped the car and the basket wasn't on the roof. So then they drove backwards, of course, looking for the baby, right? Can you imagine? Finish time? You have to go back to see where the baby fell off. They didn't drive backwards. Turn around and drive back, looking for the baby. I had that experience once with Taya, something very valuable.

[46:18]

Actually, her was her doll. I put it on the roof of the car. And we drove a long time before we found it. Anyway, they found the baby. And it didn't fall off the roof of the car. They had set it someplace and it was safe. But can you imagine driving, looking for your baby? You want to find it, right? But you also don't want to find it. Anyway, this is, so what I do now is I put the gas cap on top of the gas cap keys, fill folds and all that stuff. I put it on top of the gas, on top of the pump. I don't put it on top of the roof anymore. Because every time I put it on the roof, I'll say now, don't forget this is a bad place to put it. So I understand it's a So outwardly still, but inwardly moving. We have a lot going on here. The thing that got me crying actually this morning was the image of Eric, his behavior.

[47:30]

Because Eric is kind of like a newborn baby. He still hasn't been able to pick up discriminating consciousness very well. If he wants somebody to pet him, he just goes over and, you know, just runs into them, and slaps his neck against their thigh, until they pet him. And even people that sort of are afraid of big dogs, or don't like Eric, he doesn't care. He just goes and does the same thing. He can't figure out which are which. He doesn't let people's fear or love stop him from expressing himself. He's like a fool, an idiot, but he knows what he wants. Anyway, um, yeah, when coming out of the Zendo, walked by Eric was lying on top of a bunch of plants.

[48:35]

He's learned, sort of, not to lie down there, and he's learned, sort of, not to come up here at all, but he keeps finding new areas where he hasn't been told he can't lie. So there he was lying on these plants, and then I've learned, when he's in some area you don't like, you should just say, come here. You shouldn't say no at the time, or do anything like that, because then he will try to get out of the space rapidly, and thereby further lay waste to it, big into the ground. So you have to get him out gently. Then when he got out, then I said no. And he had squashed all these plants, you know. Of course, you know, of course, yes, I should say no. But this morning and during breakfast, I realized a little bit more subtly what happened. Number one, I did not fundamentally, first of all, respect Eric for being just a baby, you know?

[49:53]

Just, Bonnie wants to lie down on something soft, and he does. He hasn't grown enough to do that. I didn't really respect him. And then afterwards, after I said no, he got all kind of like... and Bonnie petted him. I didn't respect the child lying there. I didn't immediately say, oh, look at sixth consciousness. No good and bad in myself. He was pointing to my own sixth consciousness before it gets activated. I missed it. I don't think I saw it. That's what made me cry. Not because I was sad, but more because I was grateful to have this dog teaching me. And I also noticed another very subtle thing, not very subtle, gross actually, and that is that some people were standing near me

[51:07]

And I felt like I had to say no to Eric for those people, so they wouldn't think that I was just indulging him because he's my dog and being nice and being easy on him when he's squashing the plants because I like him, because I love him. But then I thought about, who are these people that I'm trying to be impressed or I'm stripped of my dog about? I mean, if I look at their lives, And who am I to project that they are somebody to be hard on this dog? They aren't even being hard on the dog. I mean, there's nobody on this planet that can criticize anything. Everybody's got incredibly twisted karma, and nobody actually is up to criticizing anybody else. But that didn't make me sad when I saw that, that made me even realize all the more how silly it is to not appreciate the dog.

[52:19]

And then another thing that's been happening to me is some people who I respect a lot tell me that actually they're afraid, afraid, yeah, or concerned that they might be disappointing me. And when they say that, of course, not of course, but when they say that, I often feel like, you disappoint me? No, no way. But it's kind of cute that you think you could disappoint me. So I become aware that, you know, that if I ever like anything about people that has a backside, namely, that I want them to do that, if they don't do that I'll be disappointed. And when I think about that I think, now I understand why some teachers don't talk.

[53:34]

Because it makes life a lot simpler if you can't even praise people. Forget about blame. criticized. It's really difficult. Anything you say can be turned around, people can turn around against themselves. And of course, the people that you feel closest to and they're more sensitive, they're the ones who are first to do it. You know, like, here's an example. Early part of the practice period, Rick's walking around the Zen Dojo, he's making noise, his feet kind of like, shh, [...] shh. So I said, Rick, would you, you know, you're making a shuffling noise in the Zen Dojo, would you try to lift your feet up? And he said, yeah, well, I've got a problem with that since I was a kid.

[54:38]

My mom told me about that, too. And Mel was on with that last practice period, and I helped kind of, and then he told me, He had this whole, a lot of elaborate explanation about why it was going to be virtually impossible for him to lift his feet up. And I said, why are you just mentioning it? Anyway, Rick has learned how to lift his feet. He walks around his endo and he doesn't make any noise anymore. Have you noticed, Rick? Yeah, my knee is somewhat okay too, because I've thrown my knee out. Yeah, his knee was part of the reason. So his knee's improved, his feet are off the ground. So there's Rick, you know. So now I say, geez, good find, Rick. So then the other people think, oh god, well, he was... You know, maybe I should lift my feet up higher too. Or he'll be disappointed in me if I don't lift my feet up. Well, So, I can't say anything to Rick, right? I can't praise Rick for his effort. Well, I can, actually, but I get in trouble for it.

[55:39]

So, the third thing, the third text is that... I've got a girl, she said to me, as Abbott, you have to cry a thousand times. It's part of the job. And if I don't cry, I cannot do this job. If I praise people, it bothers people. No matter what I do, I screw up. And when I cry, it lubricates the job. I can keep going. It makes the tank wheels turn better. I actually have to cry to do this job. It becomes... The machine gets very noisy and very stiff and irritated if I don't cry. It really is a lubrication. all the stuff's coming up to me during breakfast, right while I'm crying. And I also remember, when Sokka made the offering, I saw him put the tray in front of Trungpa Rinpoche's plaque, and I remember when Trungpa Rinpoche came to see Suzuki Roshi when Suzuki Roshi was dying, he went into his little room there,

[57:02]

And I just bawled. And later he said, until you cry blood, you won't get to the box. And I felt kind of bad that he said that because I hadn't cried blood yet. But I think, you know, it's... You have to cry a lot before you get to be a Buddha. Buddhas are calm, but I think there's tears running down their cheeks for us, for this world. And they cry for a long, long time in order to finally settle down. When you feel pain for yourself or you feel pain for another... When I feel pain for myself or I feel pain for another person, it's painful.

[58:19]

But when I cry, I join them and it's not so painful anymore. It's the distance between my suffering or between me and your suffering. That's what makes me feel bad. Tears make me kind of, I can slide into your suffering. or whoever's suffering. And I feel pretty happy and relaxed. I sincerely don't mind sewers. What I mind is sewers that are next door. Do you understand? I understand sewers that are over there. Over there, I don't like sewers. Sewers right here, I don't mind sewers right here. I've never had problems with sewers when I'm right up, when I'm human. But a sewer that's a little bit of a distance away, I find it as obnoxious as anybody does.

[59:20]

Suffering that's over there a little bit really gets me. But when it surrounds me, when I'm totally inundated by it, I can't get away from it. No problem. Shears are kind of a... help me get there, help me not have a distance from it.

[59:41]

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@Score_JJ