This morning I'd like to begin by telling a story. This is a story which I've told before, and some years ago some of the older children said, don't tell that story again. But now all those children have grown up and gone away. So can I tell the younger children the story? even though I told it before. This is a story about an elephant. Do you kids know what elephants are? And a butterfly. Do you know what butterflies are? Okay, it's about an elephant and a butterfly, basically. And it's about an elephant that lived in a little house at the very top of a curling road, way up on a hill on top of a curling road, like the house we have up at the top of the hill here at Gingos, you can see it, way up on the hill.

[01:22]

But an elephant doesn't live there, but it's like that. And at the bottom of that curling road, that curling road curled away and down, down, down, until it found itself in a green valley. And in the green valley there was another little house, and in the little house there lived a butterfly. And one day, this elephant... Oh, by the way, this elephant who lived at the top of the hill was known as the elephant who did nothing all day.

[02:25]

And one day, the elephant looked out his window at the curling road that went down from his house, And he was very happy because he had been doing nothing all day. And he saw someone coming up the road. It was the butterfly. And the butterfly kept coming up the curling road, and it went past, as it went up the curling road, it went back past trees and birds. And when it came to the house of the elephant, it came up to the door of the elephant's house and with one of its wings, it knocked very gently on the door and it said, does anyone live here? And the elephant was very excited and happy to see the butterfly, but just waited.

[03:33]

And then the butterfly knocked with his wing again, and said a little louder, is anybody home? And the elephant was so excited, the elephant couldn't even talk. And then the butterfly tried one more time, and this time even a little louder, knocked on the door and said, is anybody there? And finally, the elephant said, I am. And the butterfly said, who are you? And the elephant said, I'm the elephant who does nothing all day. And the butterfly said, may I? Oh no, excuse me, the butterfly didn't say may I. The butterfly just peeked in the door.

[04:43]

And when the butterfly peeked in the door, the elephant peeked back at the butterfly. And the butterfly said, may I come in? And the elephant said, please do. And the butterfly went into the elephant's house. And while the butterfly was in the elephant's house talking to the elephant, along the curling road, there were seven trees along the road, and the trees started talking to each other. And one tree said, I think it's going to rain." And another tree said, If it rains, the road will get all wet and will smell beautifully. And another tree said, It's lucky that the butterfly is inside the elephant's house, so they will be safe from the rain.

[05:55]

And another little tiny tree said, I think it's already raining. And inside the house, the elephant and the butterfly looked out the window at the rain. And they felt safe and glad. And then the rain stopped. And the elephant said to the butterfly, do you love me a little? And the butterfly said, no, I love you a lot. And the elephant said, I'm so happy.

[07:07]

I think we ought to go together, you and I, for a walk down this curly road where I've never been before. And so they did. and they walked down the road, all the way to the bottom of the road. And when they got to the bottom, they saw the butterfly's house. And the elephant said, is this your house? And the butterfly said, yes, it is. And the elephant said, Could I go in? And the butterfly said, please do. So the elephant with his trunk pushed the door open and went inside. And the butterfly came in. And the butterfly said, why didn't you ever come to visit me before?

[08:19]

And the elephant said, because I just did nothing all day. But now that I know you're here, I will come to visit you every day, please, if I may, and may I?" And the butterfly said, yes, please come to visit me every day. So, the elephant did. They loved each other every day. That's the story of the elephant and the butterfly. Want to hear another story? That's enough? Okay, well, maybe you want to go see.

[09:21]

I think you might be able to find, this is a green valley here, and we do have some butterflies outside waiting for you. You see if you can find them. But I don't know, huh? And bees. We have butterflies, and we have bees, and lizards, snakes, and frogs. Lots of frogs in the pond. But don't go near the pond without adult supervision. Because it's... You threw a rock in there? Oh, you saw the frogs? You heard them. Yeah, that's the other story I was going to tell you, but I'll tell the adults the story of the frogs. Okay, thank you. Are you going to go see the frogs? Are you going to see the snakes?

[10:24]

You don't want to see the snakes? What? Okay. Well, there's deer also, yeah. Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. Hello, Eleanor. How are you? Did you like the story? Oops. Hi. Congratulations. Thank you. You're welcome. Where are you going? You heard the frog story? Okay.

[11:27]

There are some children's seats that are vacant up here in the front if you want to come up and sit on the cushion. Okay. I just saw somebody yawn, so feel free to yawn.

[12:58]

Let's see, last night there was a surprise birthday party and then after the birthday party there was a kind of a show, a kind of a drama. And my life story was somewhat integrated into the drama. It was actually a kind of a partial enactment of Shakespeare's Tempest, which was, I believe, his last play. And the hero or the protagonist of the drama is a magician, and so the magician was somewhat cast in the form of a Zen teacher.

[14:13]

And I don't remember exactly when, but at some point in the evening, perhaps towards the end of the show, or maybe it was in the middle, I don't think it was at the very beginning, or maybe after the show was all over, I don't remember, but the thought occurred to my mind, this is a hard act to follow. It was really wonderful. I would say that the people who enacted the drama, the actors, and like a classical Greek drama, the chorus, really fully expressed themselves, which is one of the things I really have been encouraging people to do. I mean, I've been wanting to encourage people to do.

[15:26]

But the hardness of following such a great act of full expression, of wholehearted activity on the part of the players and even the audience, the difficulty of that is relieved. when I don't try to follow the act, but actually turn the tables and feel buoyed up and carried forth by the great kindness of all the actors, not thinking that I have to, on my own, follow up on their action, but rather the other way around, that their action follows me up carries me forth. I can be included in their great activity. And this is now how I'm included.

[16:42]

Part of the dynamic and the dialectic part of the dialogue, part of the complexity of it all, is that some of the people who express themselves so fully, enacted in the drama how they sometimes have difficulty expressing themselves fully to me. They fully expressed, in comical form, their difficulty in fully expressing themselves to me. But they did fully express themselves as having trouble expressing themselves to me. But in daily life, when they have trouble expressing themselves, they also fully express their difficulty. But do we enjoy it? Is it a comedy, or is it a tragedy?

[17:52]

Do they miss the full self-expression of their difficulty in expressing themselves to me? Do they enjoy when they come to see me and don't dare to say anything? How fully they're expressing their difficulty in expressing themselves, I wonder. And do I enjoy it while they're expressing themselves by not saying anything? while they're expressing themselves by pretending to be afraid to express themselves, while they express themselves by holding back, taking up too much time, but wanting perhaps to take up all my time forever, knowing of course that they don't really, but they just feel like they do for the moment. And sometimes they tell me, and sometimes when they do, they probably do feel like they're expressing themselves fully.

[18:57]

Once in a while they sing loudly to me when they come to see me, but sometimes they don't. Last night they sang fully, loudly. They expressed their understanding because, not because, knowing that if it was wrong everyone would think they were kidding. And if they were right, that would be fine. The story I just told to the children was a story that seemed to be a safety, even though the players were so successful in meeting that one didn't notice the fear that they might have had in their meeting. They were so gentle with each other that you almost didn't see that they were afraid to meet. Maybe they weren't. Often we try to help children with their anxiety by giving them the feeling that they're not going to lose us, that we're there for them forever.

[20:16]

At what point do we start letting them know that that may not be so? At what point do we start to open up to the unreliability of our relationships? Actually, if you look at some other children's story, they start right out by saying, once there was a little girl who had a father and a mother and her mother died. And her father loved her very much. And then her father remarried to a woman who was very unfriendly and didn't like her. And then her father died. And she was living with the woman who didn't like her. But when her father was alive, he told her that someday she would basically meet a wonderful man who loved her just as much as he did, and then they would get together.

[21:26]

And then she spent several years living with the woman who didn't like her, and with her stepsisters, and things were pretty rough for her, but finally she did meet the man, the mate, that her father said she would meet. It's a story that children tolerate, a story of losing your mommy, losing your daddy, but somehow surviving the separation, the loss. How do we stay indoors in the rain, being gentle with each other, supporting each other without denying the fact that we are not worthy of confidence. We are unstable.

[22:30]

We can't always be there for people, but we can be there now. And we can be there now knowing that we can't be there forever. And we can give them, we can potentially give them everything right now. And that's all. But then there's another moment. But are we afraid to give them everything? And if they give us everything, are we afraid because that's a hard act to follow? But actually, there's another way to see it. When they give us everything, that way that they give us everything is a way that we can return it, not by our own power, but by their giving everything. The frog story is, a few weeks ago or months ago, while it was still getting dark after dinner, my grandson came to me

[23:49]

and said in the cold dark of the early evening, let's go to the garden, the Green Gulch Garden, and dig in the dirt. And the thought crossed my mind, hmm, does a little boy really want to, a three-year-old boy really want to go into the dark? He's a city boy. Go into the garden at night where there's no lights and dig in the cold earth? he has a little gardening kit that has a little carrying case and he wanted, he had the idea of taking his gardening kit down into the dark and digging in the earth where we have planted sunflowers, he and I, and I thought if he wants to do it I'm not going to tell him that he's scared So, off we went, hand in hand, into the dark, together.

[24:55]

And holding his hand, I looked up at the sky and I saw half a moon, a half moon. And I said, oh, look at the beautiful half moon. And he said, is the other side closed? And we kept walking deeper into the darkness. And when we came down here to this pond where the frogs lived, as we got closer, he raised his hands or one of his hands to his ears and said, it hurts. And I said, the sound of the frogs, does that hurt? He said, yes. He said, are they going ribbit, ribbit? And I said, yes. And we got closer to the pond. And when we got right down by the pond, he suddenly stopped and put the back of his hand to his mouth and said, I want to go home.

[26:06]

I said, OK. I thought he would become frightened in the dark with the animal sounds. And he did. Actually, we were walking with an animal named Rozzy, a little dog. And as we were walking back home, she said, I think Rozzy's afraid of the frogs. So he and I and Razi went back to the house. We never dug in the dirt. But I enjoyed going on this short adventure with him, not telling him that he would become afraid, and letting him find out that he could become afraid, and he could be afraid.

[27:12]

And then yesterday before the birthday dinner drama, he wanted to go down to the beach and go to the stable where the horses are. So I took him down there to the stable. He wanted to see the big horses up close. He'd seen them in the fields before, He wanted to go and see them in the stables. So he went to the stables. And as we approached the horses, I could feel him tensing up and backing away. And then I asked him, do you want to see the horses? And he said, yes. So he went over towards the horse. He said, let's get farther away from the horses. He was afraid of the horses, let's get farther away.

[28:18]

And then I said, oh, there's a little horse, you want to go see the little horse? And he said, yes, so he went over to the little horse. And then I said, do you see what the name of the little horse is? It's Cinders, like in Cinderella. And then he said, what are the names of the other horses? And when we went over to see the names of the other horses, he was able to get a little closer to them. And I remembered, when I was about his age, my parents took me to the Minnesota State Fair, and they took me into this big stable, where they had these prize-winning horses. And I wanted to see the horses, and I wanted to see the cows. When I actually went into the stable, where those huge horses were, I was really afraid of those huge horses and I wanted to go out of the stable.

[29:24]

And that was okay, they took me out of the stables. Now it's actually not that easy for me to feel that fear of those huge horses. So I guess my I guess my feeling, you know, was that the elephant was really excited and wanted to meet the butterfly. My grandson really was excited to meet the horses, and we're really excited to meet something too. But as we get a little closer and feel sometimes how big it is,

[30:35]

we become afraid, and it's hard for us to keep breathing and express ourselves. In a way, if we know the name of the thing, that makes us a little more comfortable. This is cinder. But then we move away when we name it, too. And when we move away, we maybe feel a little more comfortable. And then we maybe want to go back in again and see if we can keep breathing when we reenter.

[31:42]

and wait, perhaps quietly, for the arrival of our next action, which might be rather awkward and there might be some concern surrounding it. I said to someone as I was approaching the hall here that today is one of those days when I really have nothing to say, which is dangerous because those are the days when usually the talk gets really long.

[34:29]

But maybe this is a little different today, is that I have nothing to say, and I really have nothing to say. I mean, I have nothing to say. And I really never have anything to say, but sometimes when people come, things are said. But maybe not today. Maybe what's been said is all there's going to be. So it won't be really long. Matter of fact, it might even seem short. Does it seem short? Hmm? Seems a little short on the short side.

[35:40]

Have you ever had that happen before? Never before? So there's a possibility here of a short one. Want it to be short? One person wants it to be not short. What do you want it to be? You want it to be long? Seems to be some debate about this. the thought arises in someone's mind, I didn't come to this Green Valley to go into that meditation hall and sit there and listen to somebody not talk.

[37:16]

It's not what I came here for. That's what someone thought. I can sit any place and listen to no one talk. I don't need to go to Green Gulch. But now that we're at Green Gulch, you and I, together, We could listen to someone not talk for a little while. Listen to somebody not talk. Where's the big horse?

[39:26]

Am I ready to meet it? Where is the frightened child? Where is the cold heart? Where is the invitation to enter and be here and meet?

[41:21]

Is there anything more to the activities of the Buddhas than this? Okay. Is there anything you lack?

[43:42]

Is there anyone you want to meet? Are you uncomfortable? Are you concerned that someone else is uncomfortable? Would you like to go someplace else where you're not uncomfortable?

[47:11]

What's uncomfortable? What's uncomfortable now? What is it? Isn't anybody uncomfortable? Am I the only one? Am I uncomfortable? Do you know? I'm a little uncomfortable. I wonder, do I have anything better to do than to be here with you, uncomfortable?

[49:23]

I could go somewhere else and be with some other people uncomfortable. So could you. Maybe. But are you uncomfortable? Are you fully expressing yourself? Am I fully expressing myself? Am I meeting you? Are you meeting me? Would you rather not meet me? Would you like to meet anybody?

[50:32]

How come you don't want to meet me if you don't? Would anyone care to tell me why they don't want to meet me if they don't? Yes? Fear? Would you like to come closer? He's way in the back. That's a good place to come from.

[51:37]

Oh, he's going the roundabout way. What's your name? Michael. Thanks for coming. Thank you. Well, here's Michael. You were afraid to come and meet me? Very much so, sir. How are you feeling now? I'm feeling warmth. Warmth? And cared for. And cared for? Wow. Cool. Anybody else? What was the question that led you to say fear? Would anyone like to not meet me?

[52:43]

Would anyone like to not meet? Anybody else not want to meet me? He's the only one, huh? I understand that if you say anything you might get invited to meet. Nobody else wants to not meet me? Nobody else wants to stay where they are and not come any closer? I want to meet you, but I'll say I don't. Say it again. Well, I wanted to meet you, but since you're meeting the people that don't want to meet you, I'll say I don't want to meet you. What's your name? Daniel. Daniel? Daniel. Want to sit here? This is Daniel. He did want to meet me. Wow, that's nice that some young men want to meet an old man. I'm getting old, you know. I'll be 60 in a few days.

[53:46]

Well, it was a surprise party. They did it before my birthday, so they thought they would surprise me. But somebody told me beforehand, and I wasn't sorry. I didn't really mind missing the surprise. What I missed was that people made such a big effort to keep it a surprise. And the guy said, will you pretend to be surprised? And I said, no, I won't pretend to be surprised, but it was still a really good event, even though I wasn't surprised that there was an event. But the event that happened surprised me. The way it was surprised me. Just like the way this is, is surprising me. I didn't know these guys were going to come up here. Yes?

[54:54]

Yeah, could you open the doors please, Roberta? Galen, would you mind? Anybody else would like to express themselves? I mean, want to do anything? There's not much time left. It's getting close to not being short. Please come up. Pardon? Pardon? Yeah, what song do you want to sing? I need to be tickled? Well, aside from whether I need it or not, do you want to? No. I'm kind of tickled that you don't want to.

[56:02]

How about happy birthday? Happy birthday, yeah, most people know that one. Would that fit the bill, you think? Okay. Anything else you'd like to express besides the song? Anne, would that be? Gratitude for Green Gulch Farm. Yeah. I'm grateful to the place. It's nice to be grateful for Green Gulch in the Green Valley at the bottom of the Curling Road. Yeah, we're in the Green Valley at the bottom of the Curling Road that curls down, down, down,

[57:11]

until it finds itself here. Isn't that nice? Andy, want to come up? Okay. Here comes Andy. Not such a young man. What's your age, Andy? I'd like to tell a quick story. There's a great Zen master named Dasway, and there's a story about him. We've studied him in some of our classes here, and it might be appropriate today. Dasway, one day, appeared before the assembly, and his mouth was contorted. And he said to the people who had come to hear him talk, I can't talk today.

[58:18]

And my mouth is all, you know, I have a problem with it. Can anybody help me? And so everyone was a little upset, and they felt pretty uncomfortable. And the monks and lay people who had come actually had potions. They have to help his mouth. And so they started... And the word went around actually in the community. After the talk, he didn't say anything. And the word went around that the master had a problem with his mouth. Couldn't speak. So, people would bring medicines and various things to help him talk again. And he took all the medicines, but nothing seemed to help. And the next week he stood up for the assembly. And he said, And his mouth was still contorted. It looked really bad. And he went like this. And his mouth was straight again.

[59:19]

And he said, all these years, these two lips of mine have been flapping. And no one has been able to cure them. But now today, they've finally been cured. And that's when Dasaraya passed away. Thank you. So, we're almost ready. What? You're falling? You want to move over a little more? Good. Here. Anyone else like to express themselves before the song?

[60:36]

Yes. Yes. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Rebby, happy birthday to you. Now it's not short, is it? Now it's like getting into the normal range. What is it?

[62:09]

I don't know what it is. But if you can express it, if you can express it, sometimes it will turn from a wall into a door. So, yeah, so maybe you feel like you want to do something, but you don't feel you can do it, but maybe you can say, although you don't dare do what this thing is, you might dare to say that you don't dare do it. That might be easier. Like you might, even you might say to someone, I don't dare kiss you. And they might say, thank you. But then you kind of feel like, well, if they don't want me to now, it's not oppressive anymore.

[63:14]

I don't have to hold myself back. Or you might even say, I would like to kiss you, may I? And they might say, no. But it's not oppressive then. Or you might even say, I have a question to ask you, may I ask you? And so on. But you might not even be able to say that, so you can say, I have a question that I don't even dare ask you. Or I have something I don't even dare tell you, which is I have a question I don't dare ask you. And then things start moving. It's kind of like, what is it? you know, when we play jump rope, you know, two people holding the jump rope, turning it, you're afraid to jump in, you know, but if you can say, I'm afraid to jump in, then people say, well, just wait there until you get the right timing, and then when you're kind of with it, then you can try.

[64:16]

You still might get hit by the rope, but when you become aware of it, then people can guide you into how to attune to the situation. But if we don't express ourselves at all, then we sometimes get stuck. So it's before us now. So how are you doing now? Better? Not so oppressed? Good. Yes, Cameron? Is desire suffering? What depends on the kind of desire. If you desire, for example, to be happy for yourself, you know, that might be suffering.

[65:19]

If you desire other people to be happy, it might not be. If you desire yourself to be happy but have no craving for it, you just desire it, it might be fine. In the same, if you desire other people to be happy, but you crave for it, then you might feel really uncomfortable. So the question is, Are you reaching for something other than what's happening? So I could want you to be happy without reaching for something other than the way you are. And I could want to be happy too, without reaching for some other way than I am. Then the desire is not necessarily connected to unhappiness.

[66:22]

Are you now trying to reach for something? You look kind of like you're trying to reach for something. It seems to me on the day-to-day life, you're always seeking to be able to co-function in the society. It seems... I mean, it's real to me. You're quite familiar with seeking. Is that what you're saying? That's pretty familiar, right? So, that's fine, you know what that's like. But right now, are you seeking? You just stood there a little bit, I think. Did you notice it? I asked if you were seeking, you tried to find out if you were seeking. Didn't you? Yeah. When I ask you if you're seeking, you don't have to look for someplace to find out if you're seeking. You can just be the person you are when I ask you if you're seeking. And that person may not know the answer to the question.

[67:36]

and you might be uncomfortable that I asked you, are you seeking? And you don't know what to say. So then you look over here, maybe over here you can find out the answer to my question, rather than be the person you are who doesn't know what to say. However, when you went over there, you abandoned somebody who's sitting here, who's there all day long, every day. He's always there, moment by moment. I mean, he's always there means the world makes somebody there each moment. But usually, the way the world makes you is that you're seeking someplace else to make your life work. That's quite familiar. However, the problem with that is you abandon the person, you miss out on the person you are. Or I miss out on the person I am, if I do that. And we do not like to miss out on our life. It hurts. However, we come to be a person who has a habit of missing out on his life, so that's quite familiar.

[68:46]

Now we have a teaching which says, want to not miss out on your life? And then somebody says, I think so. Want to live your life? Yes. Give up seeking. And then you can still say, I feel seeking. But when you say you feel seeking, That's not seeking. That's just saying how you are. And if I say, what are you seeking? And you say, I feel myself seeking an answer to the question. You're not caught by the seeking. You're still here. And in daily life, it's hard to do that. But, actually, it's not impossible. people do sometimes actually not abandon themselves and run away. They do sometimes. However, what they're not abandoning is sometimes that they're afraid of a big horse.

[69:49]

So then, that's what your granddaddy's for, he's holding your hand saying, I'm here with you, you can be here too, you can be afraid, it's a big horse. But we don't have to seek to be anybody else than the person who's afraid of the big horse. It's not necessary. But sometimes people say, you should be a big boy, you shouldn't be afraid of the big horse, you should be somebody else from the boy who's afraid of the big horse. And we start to get kind of like confused and start trying to pretend like we're not afraid of the big horse. or find some way to get someplace else from being afraid of the big horse, and so on. Then we get in the habit of seeking. We're very, you know, very easy for us to get into seeking. But it is possible to live our life, to learn to live our life, without seeking. And realize that actually our activity

[70:57]

is being given to us through many things other than ourself. It's possible to change the perspective that from, I have to go get something, to things are happening and I'm alive. And I'm alive and I act. And here's my action. And then people actually also give me comments on my action. And in this place, I'm quite surprised by their comments. I don't know what they're going to say. I'm surprised. And it's a joy. But there's still a little bit of danger all the time. Because I also might be surprised by them, you know, in the form of they don't like the way I am.

[72:00]

It's possible. Anything's possible. That's why I can be surprised. What do you think? I don't understand. Yeah, that's who you are. But I feel like right now you're not seeking to be somebody that does. That's what you seem like. You seem like you're not trying to be somebody other than the person you are right now. And that's okay with me, if you're who you are right now, actually. I feel like you're taking good care of yourself, even though you don't understand. But, you know, I think we need a lot of support to just be here and be a person who doesn't understand.

[73:18]

And I'm here to support you. But when you walk away from me, Other people are going to say, come on Cameron, get out of that, go seek an answer to my question. So then you move away from yourself and then you feel, you know, you're back in the game of not being surprised, of being smart, etc. But that's unhappiness. That's why I like the big horse, you know, because we got this big horse to meet. And meeting the big horse is not so important whether you understand or not. It's more like, when we're meeting the big horse, not trying to get the big horse or get away from the big horse, but meeting the big horse, we're not unhappy.

[74:21]

We don't have time to be unhappy when we're meeting the big horse. We don't waste time when we're meeting the big horse. Anything else? Yes, here. There's an idea that I'm the only one who can't speak?

[75:28]

Right. Sometimes we meet and we really don't have anything to say, and we don't feel unable to speak. We're just not speaking. And not being able to speak, or actually not speaking, sometimes we feel uncomfortable. because we imagine that someone expects us to speak. And if we don't speak, we feel uncomfortable, or if we feel like we're not able to, because we might be betraying ourselves if we spoke. In other words, we might say something just to speak to evade discomfort. We might speak as a manipulation rather than that we have actually something to say. Does that sound familiar? Yes?

[76:36]

Catherine? Yeah? You have something to say? Yes? Yes, what's your name? Luanne? Yes? Well, I kind of did plan to tell the story to the children, And I read the story over beforehand. I don't like to read the story, because if I read the story I can't see the children's faces, and then they start wiggling.

[77:47]

But if I can just say the story, I can keep my eye on them and keep looking at them, and they don't wander off so much. So I don't want to read them the story. Also, I find that with bigger children, too, that if I read, I lose them. So if I'm looking at them, if I'm meeting them, it works much better, I think, because people don't need me to read them something, right? They can read it themselves. They can just come here, we can give them a bibliography. So I wanted to read the story so I could say it, pretty much. And this time I managed to say it more than I had in the past. Usually in the past I can't remember the part about the trees talking. This time I worked on the trees. Because I realized that the way the story was constructed is that when the butterfly goes into the elephant's house, they don't tell you exactly what they talked about.

[78:50]

So if you go directly from the butterfly going in, to the elephant saying, let's take a walk. You don't understand that something's been going on in there, but they don't tell you what they said. Now, I could make something up, but I haven't yet. What they do do is they tell you the conversation of the trees, while the elephant and the butterfly are in the elephant's house. So this time I managed to talk about the tree part. So I told more of the story than I can usually remember. So that was like, in a sense, I prepared and I kind of thought I would talk about that. Okay? The rest of the talk I actually thought I might talk about, you know, how to relate their meeting to our meeting. I sort of did plan on talking about that, but nothing I said did I sort of like read or something like that.

[79:53]

I just sort of like was going to talk about how we also work with this going into each other's houses, and how do we knock, and how do we make the meeting possible, and how do we face the difficulty. And I also thought, you know, yesterday, you know, I thought of that time of taking my grandson down to the stables. I thought that might be a good example. I thought that beforehand. And I also thought about when I was a little boy and I was afraid of the big horses. So I thought about all that beforehand. I didn't exactly plan to talk about that stuff, though. I just had thought about that, and I did talk about those things. I also thought about a lot of other things, too. I also thought about certain more classical Buddhist teachings.

[80:54]

which I didn't mention, because I just didn't see... it just seemed, you know, it didn't seem to work. So I didn't exactly plan on talking about what I was talking about, I didn't exactly plan on talking about the other things, but I didn't talk about those other things, and I did talk about these things. So there was a lot of things flowing through my mind that, you know, could have been used, but I was sort of just I could have filled those silences with some stuff, but I didn't. And I felt some impulse to fill the silence with some goodies, but it didn't happen. Somehow I just didn't feel it coming out. I wasn't stopping it, I just felt like, well, that's not really it's not coming. So it's a... my whole life leading up to a talk is, in a sense, material, some of which I might think I would talk about, and usually it's... I just sort of go by what I just feel inspired to say, and today, somehow, I didn't beg you to make me say more,

[82:23]

But somehow this situation didn't get me to say very much in a way. I think I said less words this time than usual. I think, the total number of words I think was less. I think part of the reason why I said less was because of the children's talk beforehand. Okay? Dolores? Are you worried about the audience's response to it? Worried? I wouldn't say I got all into worry. I was just a little uncomfortable. Not so much worried, but more just kind of uncomfortable. I was sort of wondering, can the people tolerate this silence? Some people seem to be wiggling a little bit. Can people work with what it feels like?

[83:27]

Because when I'm talking, in some sense I could distract people from how they feel about what's going on with them. And sometimes, yeah, sometimes people think that what's going on with them has to do with what I'm saying. rather than what it would be like if I wasn't saying anything, how they would feel. So I felt as well, I was wondering how it was going for people to sort of deal with what it was like to be themselves rather than to come in a room and, I don't know what, see how somebody else is. So I was kind of wondering how people were doing. I was a little uncomfortable that people might be uncomfortable. And since they weren't telling me whether they were uncomfortable or not, I didn't know. didn't know and I still don't. Okay? Yes? I'm not sure in the community if there is, I don't know if it's Zen or Japanese or anything, but people feel like they're inclined to speak out and express themselves.

[85:02]

I don't know if that's part of a community order or, you know, because we're all coming from outside. And, you know, there are group dynamics. I don't know how much that plays. Yeah, I think that some people in Zen Center are concerned about whether they're Buddhist or not. Some are kind of upset that they think they're Buddhist. They don't like to think they're Buddhist, but they do think that sometimes. Others don't think they're Buddhist and feel kind of like, they're wondering if that's okay. So people are concerned about, I mean, most human beings are somewhat concerned about their social status, whether they fit in with the group, whether what they're doing will be approved of or not.

[86:03]

People at Zen Center are somewhat like that, just like people all over the planet. So yeah, that's part of the thing, I'm saying people are generally somewhat afraid to express themselves to each other. It goes from a little bit up to quite a bit. And in a big group situation, some people just don't feel like they have anything to say. If they feel invited, then they might feel like they have something to say, but they might be afraid. So that's why I kind of was inviting, because I think some people don't even think of saying something until they're invited. I know a lot of people like that, but they're in situations where they just don't think of anything, and then when they're invited, something comes up in their mind.

[87:04]

Just like me. I really don't have that much to say, actually, but I get invited to say things, and then stuff comes out, you know. I actually don't walk around talking. Yes and yes? I do notice right now... You do what? I did notice right now, when you were talking, I did notice that the pain of when there's something happening and then putting a meaning into it. You notice the pain of putting a meaning on something? Yeah, like the story of, the potential story of, are you uncomfortable?

[88:22]

Anybody uncomfortable? It's kind of a story. It's putting a little thing on it. And yet, you know, there was an appearance in the room. People did look a certain way, and I thought maybe it meant, maybe they were expressing discomfort. They didn't all look like this. Some people are going... Sometimes I think that maybe they're trying to tell me they're uncomfortable. But it's true, it's a little bit painful to put uncomfortable on it, but it's also painful for me to put you know, something else on, like the antidote to comfort, the comfortable. So it's different. That's part of what makes it difficult to meet, is that we keep putting things on people, like they like me, they don't like me.

[89:23]

That makes it difficult. But our mind does that, so that's part of what we have to work with. Yes, Jenny? Okay, but Jenny was next. So when you're talking, I have these aha things that just reverberate so deeply. And I was sharing with my friend here, that happens because it's all in yourself. And so this story came to me that, here you are, this beautiful Tibetan sand mandala, with incredible detail all spread out. And yes, I have all that planned too, it's just in a big jar left over. It's not really all spread out so nicely. And you know, I'll have the little bitty details that I'm carrying around when I go along. I don't know if that sounds right either. Hmm.

[90:25]

Was that complete? Okay. Samadhi? Well, there's a number of meanings to samadhi. One meaning of samadhi is, kind of the root meaning of it is one-pointedness of thought. or one-pointedness of mind. And an expansion of that would be a one-pointedness of mind and object. So it refers to the phenomena or the nature of experience that in the nature of experience that our knowing and what is known are really like one thing, one point. It isn't like we have knowing floating out someplace separate from what is known.

[91:45]

Knowing makes no sense aside from what's known, and what's known makes no sense aside from knowing. So knowing and known are really one point. Samadhi refers to that quality of our knowing, or our cognition, or our awareness, that the knowing and what is known are always like one non-dual thing. That's one meaning of samadhi. Another meaning of samadhi is calmness, you know, or mental collectedness, because in that one-pointedness of knowing and known, or knower and known, in that one-pointedness, things are very calm, very stable, very undisturbed, because there's nothing outside to disturb. So it also means to be collected and unified.

[92:50]

And another meaning of samadhi is that the mind doesn't move, isn't moving, it's still. Because again, in this one-pointedness, there's stillness. And another meaning, or not exactly meaning, but implication of this is that there's an awareness, that there's an understanding of this one-pointedness. And when, in other words, there's an understanding, you understand that knowing and known are one. So it's the actual fact of them being one, but it also could be that you understand that. So then whenever there's knowing of something, there's also understanding this oneness. And in that situation, fears and anxieties are either temporarily or constitutionally transformed, because you're not afraid of what you know, or your awareness isn't afraid of what it knows.

[94:00]

You don't feel like things are out there separate from your knowing. That's another either meaning or implication of samadhi. but we have to be willing to enter into the meeting. There's a meeting, too. There's a one-pointedness, but there's also a meeting. Because there isn't knowing separate, but when they're united, there's also a meeting. But it's very dynamic.

[94:41]

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