Facing Change and Realizing PeaceĀ 

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it was suggested that it might be good for
members of our
group to express something about
how they have been practicing
the teachings of this class in daily life

those of you who i had telephone numbers for many of them like many of you i called some a good enough telephone numbers for
so i again i invite
everyone who wishes to
actually if if if possible come up here and sit down here so that this a recording device can pick up your voice
and share how you been practicing
with these teachings are others during this summer
which the light is showing us his
where's the mellow maturing the sun is maturing
please common

the first couple of weeks ago we were talking about working with different forms
i realized makes more obvious but i realized that as difficult as it is to work with the forms of relationships with other people
even harder for me to work on early shepherd myself
turns out i'm kind of difficult to work with
i have no i've known that for a long time
bad it's just came up again
the realization was renewed

have been working with the idea of know it's really even more difficult to work on relationships with other people a real issues with other people
if i don't make
if our practice more forgiving myself first
my first thought the other is that last last weeks teaching and discussions thoroughly scrambled
and i was trying to
to work with that little bed and try to understand what you talked about all that more and and maybe be missing something important
see if i'm thinking about this is the lines of what you're trying to teach
and that his ear
having trouble with the idea of tangible things not being real
and i heard you say that the buddha said
things exist if you have a mother and father said things do exist and so then i was thinking about the term eel and for me i was able to work with it more if i thought
if i changed that worries to truth
rather than meal
so for example
and unable to to think about
that there is no truth maybe there is no truth that
you can all view the same thing or event or experience and have as many different perceptions of what the truth is about what we experienced as are people in the room
i'm able to work with that but i feel like this
sing something
and how do you work with found
when you see how do you work with that
how you practice what what you see
depending on what it is
i have an easier time practicing with things that are challenging me than things that feel good because it is a feel good can
pretend like that's very real good the things that are that are challenging to me then i try to remind myself that
it's challenging because
i'm part of the picture and like a dive on one of the forms i have to work with because it influences how i experience things and so the stories i tell myself about myself playing to the picture on the stories i tell myself about what's happening and what the other people's role in
what's happening is
they're all things that i tell myself and any part of that could be not true
one thing i heard you say was
if you see said maybe said something like it's challenging because i'm involved in it
you sit on my for him
that's part of the puzzle is kind of his kind of a puzzle
because everything you see to some extent
is you
and also you are to some extent
everything you see
because it's colored by my perception so to my my perception has been
yeah forget that you've ever you could say is because you have your projections on everything and and also
that what you are
is on
is in time
as in a world
and being aware of that is more challenging than just thinking this feels good
or that person's lovely i the they're so nice rather than but then if they're so nice and then you realize
while that's actually me to some extent i mean that's what i notice what i am is this nice person
the niceness of this person is my experience
and when it's pleasant you may not
notice that ambiguity
lets me be one is unpleasant
you might say well i'm already having a hard time i might as well open to how complex it is too
in a hard time it might be a puzzle
but if it's pleasant maybe you're not needed to be a puzzle
you can just be actually pleasant
so a party and new part of what i hear you saying is that you opened you open to
that the way of knowing yourself is through others
and also the way to know others through yourself
so it's not just that
others what we know of what we know of as others is our projection of them
others aren't our projection but how we know them as we know them through our projections
and generally to hold to our projections as them
but also
we ourselves
are the others
upon which we make projections to in order to know them
it's a we're we're that's that's the only way we can be
and that's quite complex or could say scrambling certain perspectives
like the perspective that were separate is
a is it's our problem that we think that when we opened to the some of the consequences of not being separate than things are more
and challenging
do you feel
how do you feel about to challenge
it's are such challenges
depends it depends on the what it depends on the day it depends on the time
it depends on the world
but by how you feel about his challenge depends on thanks
how'd you feel right now because at this time in this world
at this moment in this world
i feel good about
thank you
please come
could you bring a chair from and put it over here
hey could you bring it


i think i understood
an intellectually or
where i've been working his hobby right from the beginning is the idea of generosity careful with of patients
it's been
very very good for me to be back with people who have no way a patient with people who talk a lot
around this person because talking so much
that's why attempting to practice listening
dudamel see them for the first time
try the oh this isn't the way i don't know yet
thank you
i play the role of grandfather to a twelve year old boy and when he was younger used to talk to me much more than it does now used to like different talk nonstop with me usually i noticed i talked
when he with him i talked more than with anybody else
in terms of like back and forth
but it's mostly just say you know answering his questions and st haha and yes some
so people will talk a lot maybe it's good to try find some way to know exactly talk a lot but
sort of talk a lot when they're talking a lot by st canard
getting into kind of a dance with them
say ah ha ha ha ha
so you know if they're going in there swinging rope bridges diseases can get in there with them
because otherwise it
kind of a kind of not very lively for you

even asked him so i sometimes as people could you slow the rope down a little bit
could you talk more slowly
for more on more loudly
could you take your time
do not rush to the next can could you make some pauses for me to jump in so as not so much you're telling me to talk less
but your ask him to make some space for you to participate
what can i that's a challenge to learn that
yes please come
could you speak a little louder working with the for was trying to bring compassion relaxation playfulness and creativity
and i realized the most challenging time to do that is
what i call fight or flight
when my nervous system is animal
start your last week have to ask
what do you do when you're nervous system is and fight club and you can access compassion relaxation playfulness and creativity
and by the end of the night
i answered myself you bring compassion playfulness creativity and relaxation to the animal
here are a good thank you
hi just thought also that when she said that sounds like a start
it's really good to be starting all the time
robin that's a start and then i want after i get started i won't be at to start for a while because i'm not
try to try to start all the time try to make every moment a new start
don't get don't get so advanced that you're far away from the start
he's come
i've been working with time to hold could you speak up have been working on time to hold all of the teachings and
doing that
creating images for myself
because i'm fine
really rich and complex and cartoon called altogether so
working with images helps me to do that and i've been working in that way and also trying to use their
the title of the class because of the last series that that was mentioned with a tradition of meditating on the titles of the class
issues to issue speaking loudly enough
lil little bit louder please
she mentioned that she was meditating she heard by the practice of meditating on titles of classes or titles of books
change realized me
i'm been trying to work
and the the very first metaphor from from the first class kind of captured with the road and river
bringing generosity to dancing responsibility i think that's the main thing i've been working with personally
my relationship
my primary english test difficult areas because we live in different places
so that's kind of main the main areas been working with than the images
i've developed over the series of the classes are
kind of the road
this has changed over time for announced the road having cracks in it were
a flour comes up through the cracks
and the flower sends its roots down through the cracks
and the road which is the constructed world and
what is given in our lives and roots go down into the water
so if it works for me because
when i meditate or try to feel the sense of responsibility then i feel like i can connect with something that's expansive
and i feel like generosity can comes up and can flower
and the expansiveness feels connected to peace and i brought this up because i've also been looking at this beautiful book
then circles of enlightenment
there's actually there's no interpretations face there's just lots and lots and lots of them to spread service kind of the unknown there but
they're very beautiful and
so i'm working with all of those images as a way to hold all the teachings
that i would never i don't think i'd be a member and keep on my mind otherwise and so this has been a very nice
and i wanna say that i started this in the last theories and
created something by the end and i brought them
some copies of what an ed and have five extra copies of
thank you very much

eventually i a really
new to
that learn enough
i knew
to here

i've actually other
been struggling with the rhone river
cracks analogy
trying hard to put it into the words that i
known from other places
but i found the most actually the most helpful was your description of driving here when they
that seeing you apply the hearing you how you apply that really brought that home
as i drive i've been watching what comes up
the following a real gift but i do send you an email but i have your email address
but one question i i had about that
so i was noticing the stories that i tell myself about which is better
on and on about that
and what i would normally do is oh look at oh what an interesting story
and but go from there and some a little curious about
a fine generosity
creativity is just a story
see that it's not
it's not true
this name is not any better than any other
what does it it tells a story that this lane is better or this lame
his faster
now for the clean i mean is this the slightest lane is slow and also if i stay in this land i'm i may never get out and slain
this may be the end of my life this this lame horse if i go in that lane i might be able to do something besides drive
so it's not an generosity doesn't exactly say that person doesn't really say this is not really true
generosity work welcomes the story this lane is probably what i'll be happier in this land in this man
generosity welcomed that start to check if you are riding with
a child and they told you some story about driving
like they might say i think it would be better if you let me drive i'll be a good idea
he might you might be able to welcome their comments especially if they were really
ah you know
just everything they did you thought was adorable
like now they say he driving too fast you drive to slow you know you're a bad driver you're good driver you're the best driver you're the worst driver you to sit on this is that this is as darling person talking they're speaking how a lovely to hear their voice i'm so grateful that
hear the sound of their voice
and and you might think what they actually don't know they're talking about you might think that god
that's not really important most important thing most important thing is you he loved them
so the storyteller you love the storyteller you love the story
now if you love the story you may find out without telling yourself that you may see and understand how it's just a story
even so-called true stories are still just stories
they're still just constructions about what's going on
the roads
however something that
it's kind of
so yeah but
we may not feel that our stories need attention like i'm like a baby were taking care of
but some people are taken care of babies and don't think the baby's need their attention
i think i i think but i think our stories do need our attention if we wish to be at peace
facing changes means facing stories
every face stories with compassion
we can be a piece with stories
not just a parties with true stories not and not just peace with
so-called untrue stories but the untrue story is just a story that it touched stars on true
like this week i didn't come to the yoga room
i went to texas instead the this thursday night i didn't come to the other room and meet you that's a story i just told you probably think what he doesn't really mean that he's just making that up just as an example of untrue story
but it was a story was meant
memnon i didn't complete it yet
and while i was not at the yoga room i told a story about not being at the oval room and people do yoga and understood me
but i'm actually not at the other room
i'm really not at the yoga room honest
so can i be kind to that wine time that story
and can you be kind to that story
not believing it or disbelieving it but that's you may believe it or disbelieve it
but are you kind to it and yourself listening to it
so driving
can we watch the story of the driving experience because we're actually driving through our story of driving
another story about me driving as a
a year or so ago
i bought this car is it gets really good mileage especially if you drive slowly
and then some of the people in the class noted that i was driving so slowly that it was there was like inconveniencing them harder than the to to drive down the street because of this guy that was driving so slowly
side story that i was
conserving gasoline and reducing carbon emissions
and they had a story that i was kind of causing trouble on their own
so can i be kind to their story
as a compliment to my story of
the way i was driving
and i have another story which is that almost nobody thinks i drive too fast anymore
maybe somebody thinks i do
say say no you didn't write too fast and can i welcome that story
and again if i'm generous towards my stories generosity to my story doesn't mean that high
hold onto it as true that's not really generous to grip your stories as true or false that that's not really generous
just this is a story now
i'm practicing generosity with the story now and can you then practice generosity with the story a moment later when you move down the road can you continuously practice generosity as you're driving
and there's a story that wouldn't it be good or it would be good or i dream that it would be good if i can practice generosity consistently
which is similar to i think it would be good if i could practice concentrations consistently and i think it would be good if i could practice wisdom consistently
so if there's gonna be constantly can practice of wisdom i think there has to be constant practice of generosity
i don't i think it's his generosity falls down wisdom gets derailed if generosity falls down concentration is undermined
one could start here's a story
do not hold onto one could start by practicing generosity
trying to practice generosity continuously while driving
see if you can do that practice all the time when you're driving
that the driver you keep your mindful that you're driving is a gift
when you're giving and which are receiving you receiving the gift of your driving activity and you're giving the gift of your driving activity
and you're also being generous towards your story that this is what's going on
and is he a chicken ah
be continuous with that tonight when you when you drive away from this place if you do
and if you and maybe some of you won't be able to drive way because your sit in a car and just
wait until you're ready to practice generosity long time
but you might wait when you get in the car just wait until you're kind of again like jumping rope like
i'm not quite ready to go i'm not quite ready to practice as generosity i'm gonna a waiter
okay now i can i can turn the car on as it has act of generosity i can end i can be generous towards the story of during the car on
and i can be generous towards a story
the story of where i'm going
which is cut a part of driving is having a story that are going someplace to be generous towards that aspect of the to so she said you can be continuously generous in your driving
in the next driving you to and i will try to
and then you move on to the other practices
and last night somebody mentioned that john cage said
if you're if you're trying to do something if you for two minutes
and you find it boring try for four minutes
serve this if you were if you try this generosity practice to you're driving and you find it and tried for a little while we try tried long enough before you forget to do it and then if you find it boring and then think well i know i want to stop
or just reconsider and do it twice as long as you just did it and if it's still boring you still considering not practicing generosity
then do it twice as long as that and just let you know
so yeah that's another way to sort of dream yourself into or imagine yourself into continuous practice even though you might find it boring too
practice generosity towards the story of driving
that might not be entertaining but if you keep working with it it will become interesting eventually according to john cage
but he also keep doubling it i didn't just say do it longer said dublin
so i had a certain point you might say i think rather than double it again i'm just going to find it interesting
okay that's interesting
so thank you for bringing the driving practice to us again


here's a part
actually a little more interesting
just realize
story is actually no better way
is i'm experiencing

to come to that place
discovering that to see my story and then i was noticing

that always seemed then take me away from what it is that i was noticing
of that me
and what what was it that you're noticing that you've got taken away from
what are you noticing
that's really taken away from back then it felt almost like i'm now adding layers
do so there was the awareness awareness of experiencing driving experience and driving and then noticing what my mind is telling me about driving
your awareness you're aware of driving by the way driving is another story just driving is a story
i'm driving is a story and then the slain is better is another story so you're aware of the story of driving in the story of some work sums lanes are better than others see are aware of that okay
and then you said there were layers that took you away from that awareness so okay so
noticing that noticed noticed by all noticing story
yes or not even interesting i'm noticing stories
but then to apply it felt like
or open
what i just let go of the story
well i would say if you let go of the story that would be generosity
generosity is to look at the story and let go of it
except it's instead of saying like over were saying give it away
for when you when something comes and you let go of it is similar to something coming and you say welcome are you say thank you
so letting go of the story is another linguistic
rendition of generosity
so there's there's a story dashed there's an awareness of the story and then nurse
letting go of it and then in that situation
in the letting go that would lead to the wisdom which understands that being in the world of this story
is the same was being in the story of the opposite of the story
our the world of opposite so this is a good lane to be in that's one story and this is a battling to be and is another story and those there's something the same about those two stories
the wisdom that can see the sameness
is based on the ability to be generous to both stories to be to let go of the story this is a good land to let go of the stories story this is a bad line to let go of the story i'm driving to let go the story i'm not driving i'm driving but i'm not really drive
to let go of the stories his generosity and that generosity leads to the wisdom which doesn't even necessarily say but he understands this lane in this lane are both lands where you can live fully
regardless of the stories about them
so it's an understanding that can come by practicing wisdom with
stories of different lanes
different streets different neighborhoods different cars different passengers different drivers all these things for generous to them that foundation for wisdom about these things

well you're not i'm not doing it wrong is a story to be generous towards
or you could have said
i am doing it wrong and you could say that she didn't get it said well i guess i'm doing it wrong and i said that's a story you can be generous towards
and then if your generous to story i am doing it wrong
and your generous the story i'm not doing it wrong you'll realize
the sameness of the two stories
without even saying you'll realize it and then you will be free of the two stories
and then when story i'm doing wrong comes you can meet that you won't be thrown off of compassion about that story when the story i'm doing it right comes you won't be thrown off
of compassion towards
i parked behind a rv over there on don't tell me a lake and the these often there i think it moves a little bit every week or so i mean i think they have to move it because the street cleaning or something so in style in the same position and it has a lot
of decals in the bag
there are certainly bumper stickers but not quite and one of he says
aloha hawaii
and another one says
think it says
living is surfing or life is surfing
the rest is details
i thought yeah i'll tell the people need yoga room class it i'm not going to
so this is this here's here's his wave of i i'm i'm driving poorly i'm driving badly this is not a good line this is a good line
all these details are rising life is really surfing that stuff
and surfers good surfers do not when you caught reject the the waves you know the answer will just wait till a bit too small this way as a little bit too big
they go with the wave and find a way to be upright with with with the way
that's our life it is our life isn't the waves the waves are just our opinions were that we're dealing with
our life is being is realized
by being generous with the waves i'd be generous with the stories and by being wise with the stories
that way of being with them is our life
yes yeah

this the the where'd you just said she discovered about the lanes was another story
the stories are not true as another story
somebody you know told me that they're enjoying reading a book which is called
the world is made of stories
this i was walking around going out he said i'm reading a book called the world is made of stories and i didn't say it but i thought that sounds like a story
we are caught we are
we are storytellers we are storytelling beings
we are her story we are historical beings we are historical beings
we do that
and we enter we have stories about practices we can do it these stories
which will free us from the stories
which is the same as freeing us from the making of the world
not destroying the world and destroying the stories
but by practicing with them by surfing on them we have a life of freedom with the stories
and some of the story go like this that story is false
like some people say that the holocaust didn't happen that's a story that they tell some people say it did happen as a story that they tell
do you wish to prove the story of a holocaust happening is true or you wish to liberate beings from the story of the holocaust jewish to say that holocaust is is not a story it's a reality and therefore we have to live with it forever
aren't you wish to be kind of the story of the holocaust to be compassionate towards it and be wise about it and liberate beings from such a story and if anybody says a story to new such a thing never happened that's another story which if we aren't kind to it
where will be enslaved by it so whatever story you tell
do you wish to prove it true or you wish to liberate beings from it because stories
our were were entrapped
were entrapped in stories
and how can we be kind to them in such a way so we're liberated from them
tampering with them at all
but rather by
respecting them totally being generous with them and patient with them and careful with them and then relaxing with them and playing with them and turning them into liberating art
and not wait until we have horrible stories before we start practicing this
do it with little with with what's available like driving a car tonight and then if you can find that to be an enjoyable practice
then you can deal with stories like artists
bad lanes or bad driving but terrible horrible driving horrific driving tragic driving
irresponsible driving those horrible stories
if we meet them
with compassion bees can be liberated from them
without taking without taking the story terrible horrible driving and throwing out the window but using it as the mud to grow a lotus
and if you have a story excellent driving that's fine but some terrible
but can you grow a lotus there to or yes you can
you can grow lotus in any story
but as carmen said sometimes when the story is nice we think we're not to grow a lotus hear the stories basically up story about a lotus i've got a lotus i got a beautiful person here a gorgeous little baby hundred to hurt the girl lotus on that there is a lotus
well if you miss the chance of practice generosity towards is gorgeous baby
you just missed a chance to practice compassion if something so beautiful
you think is so beautiful i love to be compassionate aren't be generous with something so gorgeous
because i like it so much but then you just missed you missed a beat
in your compassion practice
and then if the baby flips and gets a cut on the cheek
then you start practicing compassion will hopefully but you might not because you're not already surfing the skin surfaces you're not already being compassionate so sometimes you don't immediately say okay i'm sorry forgotten nine back to work it's better to practice now because that promotes be
able to practice it now
so that's why i say let's practice with our daily life and not wait until i get so bad that we think i think it's time to start practicing
which lot of people do like you know
the people come to see the doctor they want to get they want to join a are programmed i know to become free of alcoholism and then sometimes of doctor says
you're not ready to practice you know you're not ready to do the program
some people in that same same level of addiction already some people less addicted are ready but some people have to get extremely bad before they say okay okay i'll start practicing generosity like scrooge right
got bad enough so screw said but i got it i'm high risk i especially when is was to be doing here bank your i get it but had to be several
several examples for him to realize we don't necessarily have to get it that pan would have to wait until worse than eighty to start
we don't have to wait until it's horrible and had tell it to terrible nightmare when you start now
tonight and we're driving
and then extended to have to to the horrors
if they come in the beauties
which most of a see but some of some of each some of his most of a see horrors and and and beauties
it gives me for talking so much barry

please come
oh well mine's
okay this is your big chance very here he is
that's good yeah i wasn't going to wasn't going to talk about this well i
it has it involves the road and an actual into that danda
in above last year up and stopped three times by the police and each time i think it's because i've been in an area
i'm not typically out late at night and but i've been somewhere like one time is all a lonely stretch of road and another time it was unlike a pretty affluent area and i was driving my old junker car that has it
gas door on the gas thing that's askew and it's got some stickers on the back and this time i was driving a cycle that has tinted windows and has two robots on the back and i was coming to an area that has a lot of bars and so
the guy pulled me over and like like i say the third time in a year and and i haven't like a long history of you can stop at tools since it was a youngster i lived in a town where every van was routinely stopped and searched it was huntington beach california that was just their policy and so i have
this kind of attitude built into me and so the guys kind of came up and said yeah we know why you stopped that you know i've i've stopped you know i have absolutely no idea so i was already of have my story and i might i'm getting excited as i tell him i am too
and so so is so i said no because up because i don't think i did anything wrong
and in so i kind of want to tell like yeah i want to give a little pushback that's kind of what i notice is that a lot of times or even though it might look like they give a lot of pushback i don't always get pushback back and i feel sometimes they need to do that and so
so the guy said well what have it on videotape and i said oh really and he said yeah you you can see it if you want to go well yeah i like your badge number i'd like to see it and then he started like backing off right away kind of like well you know i just wanted you to know that you could see it where this to go further and i go i'd love to see right now so we kind of went through this for a while
and then i think i'm always kind of a little bit afraid because i'm a pretty big and each kind of got now the car with these police guiseley zero was about that
never there were two of them and they're always dislike about that wide in other like in their uniforms are tight they've got all the stuff briskly on it and they just look like you know even though they're small they they just look like they're very powerful and they have that authority so it's like right away you know i kind of feel that and
so anyway eventually kind of lets me go into the car and look and to go see see their their your tire hit the the line from the median and their you stop there and so you stopped over the limit line they go know i don't think i did you know because it was pretty equivocal to me and so then
i began to relax and you know because i love to talk very and this was like my opportunity i have a captive audience and these two guys on the street and eleven thirty at night there's no one else and so you know it's my opportunity to kind of like i feel like well i can kind of like start to give these guys a glimpse of my per
perspective you know so that everyone they spot they can see that you know the people they stop have long histories or perhaps being stopped by the police and the of these perceptions and stop built up and so like a sort of talking and and you know telling them a little bit of stuff in than they kind of like saying oh you know where are you
no we're good please i said well you know that's that's cool i just know that a lot of people you stop are like afraid and kind of have stories and have reasons you know they've had experiences to and they're not out here to disrespect you anything anyway it just kind of went like that for a while but i began to light up a little bit and
eventually you know it's like i want to to like reassure them and everything so like i told them that i know law enforcement people and in all i'm a respectable citizen and i shook their hand you know but i could tell you know that like i didn't want to waste their time but i want it to
i kind of had this story i wanted them to kind of admit i couldn't get him to do it that that and i'm pretty clear on this is like it
this man i'd be the truth but there have there trolling
for a plausible reasons will stop someone so they can kind of ask if they've been drinking or just like shine the light in the car and that's not like an evil thing but i just i just kind of wanted i'm just gonna say hey c'mon you know i know what's going on here but i couldn't quite do it you know but then i
and just try to have some goodwill at the end but even like right now
it was just amazing because of like right now the this is what i do when i will tell a story that can just feel the adrenaline i can just feel the the energy and i could feel it at that time and and what i was able to kind of
you know i think back off just enough from it
dad i didn't want to be too aggressive i was gonna try to be sensitive of their perception of the mainly because like i said you know
you know i mean i i did they didn't want any problem and i have this kind of fear sometimes that someone's gonna say you know take him down his big you know
so it was it was really kind of interesting
to me to to like be in this situation where i really clearly have my story and i really wanted to like express it
what they like i was trying to read that i knew they had a story and i kind of wanted to interact with those stories and still kind of come away with maybe hoping that
they might look at their story next time
because i know i was in a situation i had to look carefully evaluate my story because if i had a misstep they could have had a real problem

what are they do
the right what are i do bear what
okay you'd better
thank you very much

a bit about generosity and addiction can you hear her generosity the an addiction and my niece staying with me right now and she has some surgery
but i didn't work but anyway that's another story but
you know and i have a lot of sympathy for her coming out of surgery and this isn't just for case is something i do lot and so i'm an overgenerous to the extent that i start getting a resentment
and then i rescued disappointment you know
at the story
and so being generous for me it can be tricky

i've tried to make little boundaries like where i can leave the house said
to be there twenty four seven for because i don't want it to end up
space again where i'm not gonna like
her or what's been created out of that
we often have you heard me say a number times that

live can we say set boundaries but i think it's good to have maybe just say give boundaries
give mom part of me
one of the main gifts we have to give people his boundaries
which is to tell him where we're at tone that way we feel on but we feel uncomfortable
about giving something right now
find it hard winter because from family lives in the middle east and she's alone
i think i think it is hard i often use the example of a
you know it's a minor example that's why it's that's why it was hard is i i saw somebody give somebody else an automatic pencil
i said at a nice pencil so and he gave me one
in the night i went home
somehow my wife saw them this
nice automatic pencil that she said can i have it
and i said no
and that was in britain i said no because they want to give it to her
but i felt bad because you know what's an automatic pencil if you're if your wife wants out of my pencil
you know give it to right but what if you don't want to
what if you just don't want to even though you know or course you should give your wife and automatic pencil
so it's hard not to
it's hard not to but i was able it wasn't so much that i didn't give it i just said no she could have to you know she couldn't wrestle it off me
you know i probably would let her take it but i think that when i said no that was sufficient
and but i knew that if i gave it when i actually my response was know if i knew if i gave it wouldn't that will only be giving it because i felt bad not giving it to give because you feel bad not giving i don't think it's really weren't that you give when you want to give
now can you think you should
so of course you should in a case like this i mean not going to hurt her you know are the pencil so of course i should
and i'm in my responsibility is to give but whether i give her not i have a responsibility there to named me i should only give even not my responsibility to give all the time i should only give when i'm giving i shouldn't give when i'm not giving because then i will not only will that not be giving that doesn't count
i'm not giving
a number two which is really bad
is you could present
so my wife doesn't really need the pencil
if she doesn't get it should be fine but she won't be fine probably won't be she won't be good if i resent her if i think she robbed me

well if i'm practically giving i feel fine about it i mean i i welcome that and i know that people might not feel good when i asked me i know that they they might not feel good about when they asked me for something if i don't give it i know that they might not like it
but to give it to them because i'm trying to avoid them not liking it or me
hey that's not that's not giving up giving because they want to give even if they don't like me or an odd times you give to this person this person hates you for giving that person but you still want to give even though other people will hate you
can you think it's good and you wanna do it and and even though you're not going be popular with some people if you give
like some people give to a protocol a political party and some of their friends canada you know her angry at them for giving to a political party that they don't agree with but this the thing is you feel good about giving giving is primarily joy
and if you're doing it to avoid
you're giving it because you're afraid of what will happened to if you don't that doesn't help to fear what helps the fear
if you're afraid
have what will happen to if you don't give but you wanna give anyway then give you could be you could want to give can also be afraid of what happened if you didn't as possible but still i actually even though i'm afraid of what will happen to me if i don't
and even though i'm afraid of half of what happened to me if i do i still want to give
you should want to
it's the in it if you don't practice giving
it is a problem
but if you're not ready you should be generous to yourself
and let yourself be the person is not ready and the next day by the way i was ready and i gave her the pencil
yes i gave it to the next day and next day i was like totally ready to give it to her know
it was not like i was giving it to her because i thought i should i actually wanted to
hmm she didn't want it
and actually now she has a whole bunch of pencil automatic pencils that
i gave her that she won't let me use
and she says jokingly you can't use that pencil i stole from you
but actually she didn't steal my given to her because i was afraid would happen if i didn't
i thought to laugh at that

the is the beginning of courage and being courageous helps you practice giving
if that the courage to not corrupt you're giving by doing it to avoid
punishment or whatever do it because you want to
because you want to let go of this thing because you think it's a good thing to give
and if you're not ready had the courage to be who you are which has been generous to yourself and letting go of yourself at the same time
let go of you know the good person and be a stingy person that you are
and people might not like their practice target
but the giving well when if you let yourself be who you are you will be able to become the person
whose generous about everything and also you still be able to get boundaries like
like my grandson he is when he was one to dead he was out of green gosh i was taking him to get right to the city and i was happy to wait around
huh til late in the afternoon to give him a ride knowing that i'd be a traffic jam again if i waited like that last year at or do something for my daughter and been relate this time i hung around to get my grandson arrived and gotten a traffic jam
have you are walking autistic can either hansen's hansen's are soft drink and and he already had one earlier today and i said
i said i'll bring one tomorrow so i'm gonna pick him up tomorrow and taken to tassajara i'll bring when tomorrow you can have in the car
i gave him a boundary
i didn't want to give it to him i didn't want i'm a i'm happy to give it to him but i thought he might drink it
and i thought to have those things in a daze more than a needs so i set that boundary
has a gift
your grandfather doesn't want you to drink too much sugar is the message
course i'm not trapped he can take it i'm not i probably wouldn't wrestle new bottom
so honor your boundaries so that you keep loving this person you don't honor your boundaries you'll start resenting the people you love
he started avoiding the people you want to be devoted to because you not take care yourself
it's funny how that works

any other offerings
please come
like hearing stories
so i've had a couple i'm mostly trying to understand her practice with
cognitive construction only and i think it's be only that but really difficult part but and so i don't i don't even know i so the couple stories i don't know if i'm really practicing that are just kind of riffing off of what you're saying or maybe that's the same thing but i wasn't a meeting
and it's it's a meeting it was a meeting where we were sort of like going around and everybody was saying there's version of what was happening and you know conflicting versions of what was happening which for me i get really anxious and particularly with people are respect and then people have different versions are different stories i can so
starting to get really anxious starting to turn up a little and then i remembered comes of cognitive construction only
you know and so it it applied to it was me with my own realizing that might what i was experiencing what was happening with my construction and also the each person's thing was their construction
and in fact i think what may be hard in the meeting is when you don't feel like people aren't realizing that theirs is a construction
they're like i didn't notice is true know this is julie and when that's the energy
yeah that that can be ah
ah forgot that can be something to
have a hard time remembering that is contradicting on you other words they're not aware of it is another we have construction and that can be really difficult why yes for and then and then i do the cognitive construction of of reminding myself to that these people are my grandchildren
like my my grandson says mean what's your favorite animal i said humans he said they're not animals
and then he also a one time he said you know what it really would be fun if we took all these animals is all these toy animals if we took him and took him down to the to the garage and put him in a tub of water and felt put him in a tub and filled it with water so that would really be fun
the and i didn't say to him you know it might not be fun
you know that's just your cognitive construction or
right he did not know if i said that term he he wouldn't know not talking about but also i didn't feel bad about him doing that i just went along with them and we got down there and we got the animals into the tub he started putting watering but before he got much water and he thought of something else that would really be fun
so we never did even get to a thing you know new and eyes rolling along and i thought that might happen i thought it might not actually be the spectacularly fun thing that know
i didn't say you know it might be a little fun but it's not going to be as fun as you think it's going to get to the construction yeah right because i didn't see i say what and i didn't say that tune i didn't i didn't disagree with them but also didn't say yes that will be fun i just said basically i'm your partner i'll go with you basically wherever you want to go i'll go with
your and then we'll find out but i wouldn't say i didn't say to him i was that fired and say that term
but he had somebody with him who is observing that before he even got into what he thought would be more will be super fun thought of something else that would be super you forgot all about what he thought would be super fun and so on
hathaway is with jordan was with adults we think all
we we ever larger time of just going along of your especially when i i think it's my own anxiety that makes it hard and that also it makes it back luke where you have long story because you're anxious than because she'd have a weird story is more i know that that was diane's example she's practicing giving and person has for something and she starts to the
anxious need it's hard to pick practice generosity
another example of him he's he's going into the street you know he's going to stockton street in chinatown when he's little boy and i feel anxiety about what's gonna happen to him so you know i had trouble practicing generosity but i don't want to overpower him to stop him from going in the street who does not generous
but i have but i can't let go with him and i can't go back i'd get anxious so i can't go with them but i should have you know if i wasn't even if i was anxious i still should have gone with them not just let him go into street but go with them into the street
you know because it as as we come into the street to two of us and i know with him he could feel that the street is not you know he would find out the streets not where he wants to go
but he tried to stop him he doesn't know why i don't want to go in the street you know looks perfectly fine to go into street from where he that
and i can try to stop him
but and i did and i wasn't mean or anything but i did stop them
by real vader i should have just gone with him and that's what i do with an since it's like kind of go with him where he goes but if i'm anxious to night i tend to up i can't go with them because if you go with them if you're aware of cognitive construction if you're aware that this is his dream of what's gonna be happening
and you go with them the dharmas there
but if you try to stop him you're not practicing so the time is lost
and if you're anxious happen in this story was thought i and this is where the only comes in because it's one of the few times i've really kind of use the only at all so so i have this thought oh consciousness cognitive construction only and it's like sort of relax a little bit into that and then i think but that's all there is no
because i'm because i'm i'm thinking what the anything that happens to me as i freeze up because they're stepping here and there something here and i don't know where i want to step so i said to myself just jump in the water and swim around with everybody else because because you're not gonna get to the place where you're not even caught in a cognitive reconstruction and now
now that i somehow think both that'll be the solid ground from which i can act that there will be the solid ground that would be the practice ground well but so that's the question is there a place that you get to where here beyond the cognitive construction only or for is that all there is
it's not that that's all there is is that all this is is that
all this is that but that's not saying this is all there is it now saying nothing but caught cognitive construction is different from saying there is nothing but it this is nothing but mind is not to say there is nothing but mind and there is nothing beyond this
there's no beyond this
beyond is another cognitive construction but it's but all the problems only exist in cognitive construction that's the only place we are problems
and when you're kind to this place for which there is no beyond beyond is just another con in after what i think i said last week if there was a on that would just be another cognitive constructs construction
they're just there isn't a beyond but that doesn't i am cut cognitive stretch about charlie and you have a cognitive construction about charlie
is there more than just those two things there i mean there's charlie right that's right there's charlie
district does charlie
our life
our life is our life
however we don't know our life we can't know our life cause we can we can't get away from my life to know we only can live it
and but what we know about our life is cognitive construction and the way we know our life is a trap and all of our problems live in the way we know our life but our life is found a trap
our life is free
and if we practice ethically with the trap and remarried and and here the teaching that we're going to trap and that in this trap is where all the problems exist and they only exist there and when you're free of this trap you're free of all problems but to go beyond the trial not free by going beyond to go beyond the track that the to
wrap is not recommended just to realize that the trap is insubstantial it's just is just a cognitive construction however huge problems occur within the trap intense horrors and pain exist in that trap
if you come free of that if you become free of the cognitive construction you're free of all human problems you're human you're still a human you still alive it just a jerk
in the realm of freedom
that's impossible to know it you can only live it
in the realm of the in actual run of life which is not birth and death you don't get to know it you only get to you only get to be alive however we do get to project upon it and be trapped in our projections and suffer we got that and we know that so what
we get to know is that
to become free of that we have to give get over our addiction to knowing
knowing existence and non-existence for example we have to get over that way get over it is to use the addictions to transcend the addictions not go beyond them but become free of them
you're welcome
thank you offer year
what's the word devoted participation in this
ah wonderful impermanent
appearance of a sanga in berkeley
and it may reappear again in november we'll see
thank you